Entries from September 2009

From the department of disgruntled baristas

September 30th, 2009 · 189 Comments

Writes Tim: “I work at one of the better specialty coffee shops in Portland, Oregon. Some people come in knowing that we can prepare a fantastic drink, but don’t actually know what they like or how to order it. And sometimes these people decide to write a note expressing their displeasure instead of simply asking us to remake their drink.”

from the department of disgruntled baristas

Adds Tim: “For the record, these two women ordered a 16 oz. caramel latte and a 16 oz. mocha, which are certainly going to be sweeter and less espresso-forward drinks than our more traditional, non-flavored drinks. And if these two actually visited regularly, they would also know that we don’t have 16 oz. ceramic mugs, which means all 16 oz. drinks are served in paper cups.”

So there.

related: An extra bold request

Tags: coffee · cranky barista · Portland

Five reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber

September 29th, 2009 · 144 Comments

1. Spotted by Trevor in Richmond, Virginia

PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH...coffee grounds, dental floss, disposable diapers, cat litter, pet wastes, sanitary napkins, tampons, cigarette butts, condoms, paper towels, facial tissues, plastics, heavy cream, cheese, butter, soap HAZARDOUS CHEMICALS SUCH AS: pesticides, medicines, paints, varnishes, thinners, waste oils, photographic solutions

2. From Karen in Chicago

PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH DOWN THE TOILETS: Feminine hygiene products, diapers, paper towels or mops, food, napkins or glass, computer paper, art papers, fabric or canvas, paints or solvents, plants, sand or soil, plastic, wood or metal

3. Spotted by Eli in Kauai

DO NOT flush paper towels, newspaper, wrapping paper, rags, disposable diapers, sanitary napkins, tampons, plastic, sticks, etc. down the toiler

4. from Miller Peterson in Japan

FECES ONLY! Don't flush another!

And lastly, a beloved classic from the world-class RunBarbara (and of course, THX SANDRA)

Hello ladies, This is the last time I will remind you: if you have to "throw up" in the bathroom please do it in the trash can, then take the bag out of the trash can and dispose of it down-stairs in the "facilities" dumpster.


related: with a chainsaw?

Tags: bodily fluids · garbage · toilet · WTF?

You can have the inflatable bananas

September 28th, 2009 · 100 Comments

Katie in Scotland says she found this note “stuck to a wall at about knee-height, right above a very sad-looking deflated palm tree and a bunch of deflated inflatable bananas.” Unfortunately, Katie says, “i have no idea what the back story is…but I would love to, especially as the note writer seems to be a fair bit older than 8 or 11.”

Dylan + Amy: Because you're 8 & 11, I assume you know how to read. You can have the inflatable bananas + palm tree. We don't want them. I was rude to you cause you were rude to me. 8 + 11 is quite little.

related: Desperately seeking closure

Tags: kids · U.K. · WTF?

So much for that whole fasting thing…

September 27th, 2009 · 173 Comments

Jen in Tallahassee, Florida found this posted on the fridge in her synagogue’s kitchen. “We’ve tried many things to prevent missing food from this refrigerator,” Jen says. “we’ve even installed a lock so that only certain people with keys can get into the refrigerator…and yet, the problem continues.”

A note from Adonai: I am watching! Do not eat items that are not yours. During Yom Kippur, past transgressions will be forgiven. Don't do it again!

related: the PANtheistic approach

Tags: God · heart · holiday spirit

Gone country

September 25th, 2009 · 149 Comments

Before you embark on this visual road trip through from rural North America, remember: guns don’t kill ’possums. CELL PHONES KILL ’POSSUMS. (And potentially one-thumbed former sea captains.)

rite to live

You better pray the cops get to you before I do

no carcasses in the fridge

bring back tom turkey

cowboy hats only!!!

have you seen this man?

related: The right to bear fruit
extra credit: Playing ’possum [awkwardfamilyphotos.com]


Tags: more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · small town living · spelling and grammar police

Wishin’ and hopin’

September 24th, 2009 · 120 Comments

When dealing with anonymous strangers, there’s no point in playing coy about your hopes and dreams. Tell us, kids, what do you REALLY want?

I hope your baseball team never wins another world series for the rest of your life

I hope you get the runs!

I hope your spouse leaves you for your best friend

I hope you catch on fire

Hope your balls fall off!

I hope God will kill you in a car crash before you get to your house

related: I hope your cat chokes

Tags: die bitch die · God · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing

Compassion in the workplace

September 23rd, 2009 · 235 Comments

Spotted by Kirk at “a very high-end consulting firm” in Washington, D.C.

Classy, right?

to whomever is coughing

related: suck on this

Tags: D.C. · heartwarming compassion · illness · office

Takashi Murakami meets Lilly Pulitzer meets “no cuts, no buts, no coconuts”

September 22nd, 2009 · 127 Comments

Dee Dee in Virginia says her five-year-old daughter, Lilly, presented her with this card after Kindergarten last week.

“At first it seems like the usual ‘I love mommy’ card,” Dee Dee says, “but the back clearly addresses her irritation with the neighboring copycat whose use of hearts, stars, and flowers were infringing on my daughter’s copyrighted design. (Coming soon to a overpriced handbag near you!)

five year old's i love mommy card width=

five year old's do not copy me card

related: startin’ young

Tags: kids · Virginia

Sounds like you two deserve each other

September 21st, 2009 · 89 Comments

Danielle in Tampa, Florida found this note in the hallway of her apartment building. Writes Danielle: “I don’t know what the official story is, but I can assume that it is the same as every other ‘my roommate is a slob’ story. I’m a little confused about why this girl thought that leaving her garbage in our hallway would make people feel sorry for her, though.”

This garbage belongs to Kristina

sounds like you two deserve each other

related: Why the “seething and waiting” strategy will never work

Tags: college life · garbage · group bitchfest · neighbors · roommates · Tampa

Another wacky round of “steal the bacon”

September 19th, 2009 · 109 Comments

First up: Ami in London spots the fallout over what we can only assume was an onslaught of hungry breakfast bandits.

Due to high levels of theft, we have to take bacon, cheese and sausages off sale. If you require a certain item a member of staff will get it for you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Yup, we’ve got those in the States, too…as Molly noticed at a grocery store in Ohio.

PLEASE DO NOT OPEN THE BOXES OF BACON!

Adds Molly: “Why anyone would want to take a single slice of bacon out of a box I can’t really say, but if they needed to post three notes it must have been a pressing issue.” (Um, maybe she needed a replacement underwire?) But perhaps she should have checked the lost & found first…

Is this your bacon?

Meanwhile, this Post-it (from a Mom in Florida) and its subsequent responses (from her punctuation-conscious, pork-loving children) bring to mind the oh-so-creepy phenomenon that is thoroughly documented on the stellar blog Suicide food.

Pigs do not eat bacon. Lies! They are Cannibals!

This note appears to have been written by an actual pig (at least the Orwellian kind), but it appears instead to have been penned by the young son of submitter Irsh, of the aptly named blog Daily Piglet. Irsh says she found this note taped to the laundry room door when she got home later after her son had already gone to bed. “I’m not sure why he thought I was going to eat the bacon,” she says, “but I have to admit the idea of him not talking to me was briefly appealing.”

Mom Do! Not! eat one peace [sic] of baken [sic] or I not talk to you

Happy Rosh Hashanah, everyone!

related: p.s. bacon is life
extra credit: “bacon bandit arrested”suicidefood

Tags: bacon · kids · Moms & Dads · stealing