Exhibit a) From a share house of would-be flip-cup players in Garfield Heights, Ohio (!!!)
Exhibit b) from an office in Dallas. Writes our anonymous submitter: “Everyone in the building knew who was trashing the bathroom, but no one ever confronted the guy directly about it. After about a year, this note went up.” (Not surprisingly, it didn’t work.) Finally, our submitter says, the building engineer went directly to the guy’s boss to, um, clarify the situation further.
And then there’s exhibit c) from a restaurant in Delaware.
related: that means pants + shirts as a single unit
106 responses so far ↓
#1
TheOldSchool
I’ve never been so insulted. I know (all too well) what my dick beaters are.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: +20
#2
leftfoot
The half concealed blue sign in the last picture looks like:
“DO NOT PAN ON ASS”.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: +3
#3
Phase 2
I notice it doesn’t say anything about dragging your balls across the glass…
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: +18
#4
TheOldSchool
So … plastic cups are the new cum-buckets.
Time to chuck out that old jar of Miracle Whip.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:24 pm rating: +5
#5
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times
At first I thought there were three signs indicating “PLEASE DO NOT LEAN ON GLASS”, but no, there’s a fourth professionally made plastic sign off to the left side. There were so many signs that the submitter couldn’t completely fit them all into one picture.
This is what we call “overkill”. If they haven’t figured it out by the first sign, no amount of repeating the same message is going to change that.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:27 pm rating: +1
#6
TheOldSchool
Is it any wonder why hugs are replacing handshakes?
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:28 pm rating: +7
#7
Oh Really
So, um, no leaning on the glass while I piss on the toilet lid, then?
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:30 pm rating: +2
#8
Canthz_B
I can’t quite make out that blue sign.
Maybe if I just lean on the glass here…
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:33 pm rating: +35
#9
Canthz_B
I can just see our perpetrator from sign two:
Well, this doesn’t apply to me, oh wait, according to the definition below…
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:35 pm rating: +1
#10
Canthz_B
Anyone who’d wear a glass cup instead of a plastic cup isn’t a dick-beater.
Hell, he shows his dick very little love at all.
Personally, I opted for a Kevlar model.
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: +4
#11
Canthz_B
These people are brilliant!!
The best way to keep customers from leaning on the glass is to cover the entire amount of counter space with “Please do not lean on the glass” signs!
Now, where to put the “Please do not lean on the signs” signs?
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:48 pm rating: +10
#12
Canthz_B
Interview basics:
1) Maintain eye contact.
2) Offer to shake the interviewer’s dick-beater.
3) Always place the notch between the thumb and forefinger of your dick-beater firmly within the notch between the thumb and forefinger of interviewer’s dick-beater.
4) Never act as if your dick-beater is hurt and say something lame like: “Boy! That’s some dick-beater you’ve got there!”
Sep 8, 2009 at 11:58 pm rating: +19
#13
Canthz_B
“Wow, Bob! Your new baby girl has some set of lungs on her! I’ll bet she grows up to be an opera singer!
Look how she grabs my finger! She’ll make a fine dick-beater with a grip like that, Bob!
Hey! What did you do that for?!
Do you know what I paid for those fillings?!”
Sep 9, 2009 at 12:06 am rating: +16
#14
C.S. Harmonikah
Their terminology for anatomy shows signs of future nobel peace prize winners and poet laureates
Sep 9, 2009 at 12:16 am rating: +2
#15
Geek Goddess
The lost opportunities in that last one! I see two more signs that could have said “Please do not lean on the glass”, but no, somebody was slacking that day. You just can’t get good help any more.
Sep 9, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: +4
#16
felix
In the fine print a slob is defined in part as:
“Anyone … who can’t be bothered lifting the lid before peeing…” (emphasis added)
For serial? The lid?
Sep 9, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: +1
#17
The Great Joe Bivins
So I should lean on the glass then?
Sep 9, 2009 at 4:45 am rating: +3
#18
itdb
RE the first note…
Does that mean virgins*/lesbians**/women-who-don’t-do-dickbeating are allowed to use the glasses?
Cool! I wanna go to that party, VIP treatment!
*ok, I know you can be a virgin and still have tried dickbeating
**likewise
Sep 9, 2009 at 6:49 am rating: +1
#19
Snayl
Please Do Not Lean On Glass is actually the name of the restaurant.
Sep 9, 2009 at 9:33 am rating: +17
#20
aaa
So I take it that the writer of the first note doesn’t like his/her roommates’ guests very much. Way to be a gracious host.
Sep 9, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: +1
#21
aaa
Cool kids pee on toilet lids. Are you telling me that your piggy coworker isn’t a cool kid?
Sep 9, 2009 at 9:46 am rating: 0
#22
Sarah
But…what about leaning on the glass? Can I do that?
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: +2
#23
Rich Beckman
I wonder what the sign on the wall says.
We make su?? ???-fashioned bigger.
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:14 am rating: +1
#24
Oh Really
So if hands are “dick beaters,” what are fingers? For example, if I get a manicure, do I say I got my asspoker nails polished?
(Those manicures are so worth it for the dickbeater massage alone.)
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:28 am rating: +5
#25
JoMama
I’m sorry, can someone remind me what not to do in the sandwich shop? I seem to have forgotten, I’m too busy playing with my dickbeaters…
Sep 9, 2009 at 2:11 pm rating: +1
#26
The Mayor of Bethville
Like an egg beater, only less painful if you get it caught in your hair.
Sep 9, 2009 at 2:27 pm rating: +1
#27
ozy
wtf is flip-cup? wtf is a share-house? wft does this have to do with cups?
Sep 9, 2009 at 3:05 pm rating: +2
#28
claw71
If your concern is your precious glasses being touched by that which has provided sensual pleasure to my penis, you might want to reach for one of those plastics cups the next time your mom gets thirsty in the midst of her visit. Of course, she’s not doing much with her hands, unless you count that thing she does with her pinky. By the way, do you have her address? I seem to have found one of her press-on nails.
Sep 9, 2009 at 4:11 pm rating: +2
#29
Silhouette
I was *going* to go out back to my trough with my plastic cup, but the door to the back is made of glass and I was afraid to lean into it.
Sep 9, 2009 at 5:10 pm rating: +2
#30
Canthz_B
I agree with the dick-beater sign.
There’s nothing I hate more than the sight of vibrators in the cupboard.
Sep 9, 2009 at 7:05 pm rating: 0
#31
Canthz_B
That blue sign says “Please DO NOT MAN ON ASS”.
Some people are such prudes!
Sep 9, 2009 at 7:51 pm rating: 0
#32
Linsley
sooo… Can I lean on the glass?
Sep 10, 2009 at 7:49 am rating: 0
#33
RoxyBlue
Barbwire isn’t hardcore enough, just install razor wire. Or maybe pressure sensitive spikes that spring out. That would put an end to all the leaning on the glass but there would be the bother of cleaning blood off the glass day in and day out.
Sep 10, 2009 at 9:31 am rating: 0
#34
InYourSleep
That sounds WAY wrong….. like it should be in the catagory of “sex sex sex”
Sep 27, 2009 at 6:11 pm rating: 0
#35
sexy_angelina
lol i love it!
Oct 4, 2009 at 4:49 pm rating: 0
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