Shannon in New York saw this note posted on the fence of the nearby community garden while she and her roommate were taking her dog for a walk for. The thought of a little old lady glued to her binoculars at 4 in the morning, this had them laughing for many prepositional phrases of time.
related: the right to bear fruit
94 responses so far ↓
#1
sKate
I prefer to think of the little old lady disguising herself as a tomato plant to catch the perps.
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:38 pm rating: 17
#2
QuarterRoy00
Those damn green tomatoes taking everything from the garden. Somebody outta stomp on them and make ‘em catch up on the rules…
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 3
#3
leftfoot
When the fake plastic deer began appearing in the garden, the neighborhood knew they were being watched…….
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: 16
#4
Bella
“court”….hmm…is that supposed to be “caught” with some sort of accent?
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 0
#5
ffhcd
anyone “court” doing so… ?
wow
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 0
#6
MAMARILLA2
This must be read with an accent…It took me three tries to get through it properly.
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:42 pm rating: 1
#7
jason
This person must be asian.
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:42 pm rating: 3
#8
Tisad
But I wasn’t going to personally keep them for myself! I swear!
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 1
#9
PunkyPower
I didn’t know Yoda was into gardening. BTW, what if you take plants and give them to other people? Would the Tomato Police be cool with that?
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 4
#10
Canthz_B
Green tomatoes on crack often start taking things.
It’s because they get so fried.
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: 1
#11
Canthz_B
Taking or cutting?
Isn’t cutting plants without taking them called pruning?
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:57 pm rating: 1
#12
Canthz_B
The perpetrator must be the Juvenile Court…damned kids.
Sep 9, 2009 at 10:59 pm rating: 0
#13
Neeners
‘Someone will be watching day and night.You won’t see them, but they will see you.’
Hmmm, voyeurism is this kinky old lady’s thing huh? That and growing plants and vegetables that look obscene.
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:06 pm rating: 2
#14
The Great Joe Bivins
Coherent use of language has been taking from this note. This we can not have. The return for that language will be ask for.
I think this note was written by CATS from Zero Wing.
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 31
#15
Canthz_B
It really could be worse.
Instead of thieving tomatoes, she could be attacked by killer tomatoes.
Someone should warn this contrary Mary that her garden may grow her death!
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
#16
C.S. Harmonikah
It reminds me of the old Buddhist tale where the young Buddhist monk picked a flower to give someone, and the wise monk scolded him saying that the flower growing free gave joy to everyone but once he picked it he took it for his own selfish enjoyment he broke everything that Buddha stood for.
Do as this how you will. Good day to all.
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:23 pm rating: 2
#17
DC
Nice to see Yoda’s still getting work.
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: 4
#18
Flaboy2425
English as a distant third language? Kindergarten drop-out?
Peeping Tom in training?
Please, sir, may I have just one little green tomato?
Sep 9, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: 3
#19
Will
The Green Tomatoes are just going through a phase…they’ll ripen up soon and stop stealing.
Sep 10, 2009 at 12:37 am rating: 6
#20
BrookeDiz
You know what’s amazing? This person has a computer and, somehow, actually used it.
Sep 10, 2009 at 1:21 am rating: 32
#21
bowloftoast
This is exactly why LOLcats should not be permitted to compose letters.
Sep 10, 2009 at 2:32 am rating: 16
#22
GK
After reading this note — and taking some time to try and translate it into English — I am now convinced that “green tomato” is some sort of new street slang for marijuana.
Sep 10, 2009 at 2:47 am rating: 7
#23
Itdb
Green tomatoes fucking delicious, those were
Sep 10, 2009 at 6:24 am rating: 10
#24
Trifioso
Wow, that Marie Callender can get really touchy!
Sep 10, 2009 at 6:57 am rating: 3
#25
Elodie
Poor thing! Well, green tomatoes to take lots of work!
Sep 10, 2009 at 7:03 am rating: 2
#26
ash
ROFL! I love this and the comments too
Sep 10, 2009 at 7:53 am rating: 1
#27
T imo®
♪ Every step you take.
Every vow you break
Every tomato you take I’ll be watching you. ♬
Sep 10, 2009 at 8:51 am rating: 17
#28
Woman on the Verge
So if I take and/or cut plants to give to someone else, I’m in the clear, right?
Timo, I picked this green tomato for you….
Sep 10, 2009 at 9:24 am rating: 5
#29
kevin
there is too much wrong with this note for my brain to even process. this should probably be on engrish.com too.
Sep 10, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: 2
#30
JoMama
Obviously this was done on a word processor; did she just IGNORE the spelling/grammar check???
Sep 10, 2009 at 10:35 am rating: 1
#31
KingTaco
4 AM in the morning? Now that is crazy! 4 AM in the afternoon or 4 PM in the morning would be so much easier to put up with.
Sep 10, 2009 at 10:50 am rating: 4
#32
GhostWriter
If you read down the last words of each line, you get:
Cutting Garden? Keep Not!
Ask Court; No “Welcome Key” that for.
…and it makes as much sense as the note itself.
Sep 10, 2009 at 11:14 am rating: 10
#33
GhostWriter
The “Anyone Court” is a late-night cable version of “Judge Judy,” but it’s run my monkeys and a talking toothbrush.
Sep 10, 2009 at 11:17 am rating: 4
#34
GhostWriter
“…glued to her binoculars” is a new one for me, but I once fell asleep at 4 in the morning with a little old lady stuck to my telescope.
Sep 10, 2009 at 11:28 am rating: 10
#35
Tuesday
“Court”? Oh, I see, this was written by Coach Z! Kind of explains the creepy stalker vibe there at the end.
Sep 10, 2009 at 11:36 am rating: 4
#36
TheOldSchool
Oh my god!
This is too funny. Embarrassing.
Humiliating, even.
I shouldn’t post it, but I will.
Tomatoes weren’t even grown in England until 1590!
L-O-S-E-R-S!
Ha ha! Seriously. FifteenNINETY!
One Five Nine Zero A.D.!
Oh well, we shouldn’t be too harsh. There could have been extenuating circumstances, like … um … er … something.
Sep 10, 2009 at 11:39 am rating: 2
#37
Hork N Chunks
I love the english tense used in this note. Anyone recognize the writer’s first language? I want to translate all of my notes into this new language.
Sep 10, 2009 at 12:45 pm rating: 3
#38
T.U.M.
I will see neither day nor night?
Sep 10, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 2
#39
Howie Feltersnatch
“Anyone court doing so…” Is this person channeling Coach Z?
Sep 10, 2009 at 2:54 pm rating: 2
#40
JetJackson
But I’m not stealing them for myself… I am giving them to the poor and needy.
I am the Robin Hood of community gardens everywhere!
Sep 10, 2009 at 5:53 pm rating: 3
#41
katieMB
Why, I’d love be courted by a green tomato…
Sep 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm rating: 3
#42
mamason
“The Green Tomato!”
The vegan superhero!
Sep 10, 2009 at 6:42 pm rating: 5
#43
Chi
Community garden gardeners are extremely protective over their gardens – in cities like NYC, the garden was probably built from abandoned lands or slump yards that no one dares to venture into. And because the gardeners brought life back into these places, they feel like they have a sense of ownership over them, so they can get aggressive and very protective – especially when someone just comes in and steal their produce.
Most of these abandoned lands are in extremely poor neighbourhoods – which might explain the poor grammar and poor spelling. It was most likely written by someone who had very little education living in a poor neighbourhood…
Going back to the poor neighbourhood bit – because fresh produce are expensive and hard to come by (especially in NYC), I’m not surprised that they’d have someone on the lookout to make sure their hard work is not taken away from them…
… I hope I didn’t just ruin the fun for everyone…
Sep 10, 2009 at 6:48 pm rating: 3
#44
park rose
To be fair… she is using difficult grammar…and doing pretty well.Future present perfect… I’m not surprised she forgot the past participle!
And why throw past tense after that ‘unless’? (Because she’s trying to write a participle clause, and a passive one at that). It’s just the wacky way that English is, is English is, is.
In fact, I’d have to drag out the books to check both of those, so if a fellow pedant out there wants to help, throw in your two bits’ worth!
As for the word order, well . . .
Overall, though I think she’s done a pretty good job!
Yaaay, frazzled green tomato lady. Sure you’ve got some redundancies, but we could weed them out. I couldn’t do what you have done in a language that was not my own.
My own language can do it in though, I! Witness .
I think that tomato stealing passive principals,
Without principles,
With dangling modifiers and participles,
Principals pretending to be perfect and passively progressive,
Instead of using passive perfect to hide their transgressive
plurals in disarray and non-agreement ,
Should not be given any extra treatment,
And should, yea verbally, have their day in court.
As should I…
Hung, drawn and courted.
She’s right on that one.
And so, I join Chi and Geek as the wordy wallflower with info no-one is really interested in.
I think I’ll join TOS at #36. It all makes so much more sense.
Sep 10, 2009 at 8:30 pm rating: 3
#45
Delurker
I think I graded this essay the other day–one of my 8th graders turned it in.
Sep 10, 2009 at 10:10 pm rating: 3
#46
Personally Keeping
Best line: this we can not have
I cut and took the green tomatoes for myself initially, but they were stolen from my lunch bag by a co-worker.
THX SANDRA
Sep 11, 2009 at 11:09 am rating: 2
#47
CaitieWithaC
wowww…grammar fail. This makes me think of something that should be on Engrish.com haha
Sep 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm rating: 0
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