Just a rat in a cage

September 10th, 2009 · 174 comments

Writes Leslie in London: “My co-worker, Janine was having some serious keyboard RAGE and posted this request to our office’s online help desk, which every single person in the company can see…including Daniel.”

Can we get Daniel a quieter keyboard please? I've not said anything to anyone, but it's doing my head in.

This post is dedicated to my cube-mate Leah, who recently received a surprise “gift” — a quiet-touch keyboard — from our boss, which succeeded in making her feel even more self-conscious about her “loud typing.”

Sadly, she observed, the IT department has no solution for the cringe-inducing sound our fellow coworker who insists on clipping her nails at her desk.

related: Suck on this!

FILED UNDER: London · noise · office


174 responses so far ↓

  • #1   P-force

    Keyboards still beat Typewriters!!

    Sep 10, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   JetJackson

      but in a game of Keyboards, Typewriter, Sledgehammer…

      Sledgehammer always wins!!!

      Sep 10, 2009 at 11:10 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Flat Jack

      I am totally requesting a typewriter from IT.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:08 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   T imo® bang

      Can I get a sledgehammer?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:20 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Does this mean keyboards are….first.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   jc

    meh. Seems reasonable to me, that can get really annoying.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 10:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Meh

      Me too. It seems like a reasonable request which was sent to the correct people and phrased in a professional manner. This hardly constitutes “rage”.

      As for mentioning Daniel the Typing Bandit by name, if she hadn’t how would they know whose keyboard it is that needs replacing? Leslie sounds like a bit of a wiener.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:52 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Seanette

      My husband is a keyboard pounder. Makes me want to pound the keyboard against his skull sometimes.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   gwenhwyfaer

      Indeed, Meh. Surely quiet-touch keyboards should be standard issue in overpopulated offices?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Meh

      @2.1 Please refrain from using my name. I had it first. If you must use it, then refrain from being an uptight bore and atleast make some resemblance of a joke.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   gwenhwyfaer

      I was replying to you, you idiot.

      Seems to me that someone who can’t even tell when they are being addressed by name should refrain from being quite such a penis about it…

      (note to self: never ever bother with the comments in this place again)

      Sep 11, 2009 at 5:54 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Powdered Toastman

      Wow! Sad that we are reduced to worrying about what our stupid co workers think of the actual job we are paid to do. Let’s all apologize for nothing, or upsetting the delicate imbalance of Janine.

      Pretty soon the asses will have Daniel so beat down he’ll be all cowered over, rocking back and forth in his cubicle mumbling, ” Sorry, sorry everyone, for daring to make a little noise on my keyboard, sorry again for existing.”

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   bored

      hah! First of all hey Meh(2.4), sorry for stealing your thunder but..
      too good to resist!!
      ahem, gwenhwyfaer, yeah you, 2.4 is addressed to 2.1 not to 2.3. Seemingly some other guy has used first Meh’s name as his user name so Meh was addressing him, not you , you ididot
      Seems to me that someone who can’t even tell when they are not being addressed should refrain from being quite such a penis about it.
      (Note to gwenhwyfaer: never ever bother with the comments without using brainz in this place again, pretty please.
      Cheers!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:13 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   T imo® bang

      Hooray!~

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   park rose

      I was meh a long time ago for a few short posts (true story) and I want to put in a complaint to both meh1 and meh2 that this thievery will not be tolerated, man!

      You could log in and get yourself an exclamation mark just like me like I do when I log in. See prime example, Timo®! above. Log in button is top, second from the right.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   T imo® bang

      This will not stand, ya know, this thievery will not stand, man.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Canthz_B bang

      I’m not going to stand for this.
      If anyone gets to be called a penis and have someone storm away from PAN in a hissy-fit it’s ME!!

      I was doing it long before Meh, and I resent having my reserved place taken.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   Geek Goddess

      First!

      Sep 12, 2009 at 3:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   Sam

      But what if she offends Daniel’s keyboard pride?! A work issued typing interface is a matter of personal attachment.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   mamason bang

      I kind of want to punch gwen in the face. :-)

      Sep 12, 2009 at 10:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.15   MAMARILLA2 bang

      By Grabthar’s hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.16   Canthz_B bang

      I do believe that’s the 1st GQ reference on PAN!!! ♥

      Sep 13, 2009 at 4:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.17   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      Oops! Did I do that?

      Sep 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   TheOldSchool

    I wanted to comment sooner, but I had to type this slowly and softly, so as not to disturb Janine.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 10:54 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   C.S. Harmonikah

    i can see it.
    I had a Creative Director that would be so pleased with his work that when he finished an idea he would slam the “enter” key with the force and volume that would rival the hammer of Thor.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 10:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AuntyBron

      I pound the keys to
      a – make sure it knows what I want
      b – to show it who’s boss

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:59 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Beanster bang

      i type with my fingernails.
      i try not to, but i can’t help it.
      there are gouge marks where my “a”, “e” and space bar used to be.
      this is a true story.
      i am sorry janine. someone told me you can hear me all the way in london. but i don’t give a crap.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   T imo® bang

      I pound the keys HARD, really hard! Then slow and languid. Then hard HARD, really hard again. Because it likes it that way and and ….
      uhmm aaaah what were we talking about again? :razz:

      Sep 11, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   mamason bang

      I love it when you enter and then hit shift but I don’t want to tell you again, Timo… no backspace!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   T imo® bang

      tab Tab TAB TAB Semi-colon?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Kelly

      Sorry Mama…. it just… slipped. Totally an accident.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   TheOldSchool

      Just change the sheet and start over.

      What?

      Writer’s block? $%#@!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I believe they have a pill for that.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 4:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Neeners

      Maybe if Daniel was pounding Janine, she wouldn’t have put up this note.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   JetJackson

    It would seem that Daniel’s ‘Dickbeaters’ were designed for pounding something other than a keyboard…

    Sep 10, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   T imo® bang

      pud pounding?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 11:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   La Loca

    Did anyone else think they meant a musical keyboard and Daniel’s taste in music just didn’t jive with Janice?

    No?

    Ok then.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 11:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Pedant

      jiBe

      The word is JIBE not “Jive”

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   mamason bang

      I speak jive.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   T imo® bang

      Say ‘e can’t hang, say seven up!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Jive ass dude don’t got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Mishee™ bang

      Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da’ help!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Hey home’, I can dig it. Know ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you, man!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   T imo® bang

      Hey… knock a self a pro, Slick! That gray matter backlot perform us DOWN, I take TCB-in’, man!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   lightspeed

    Can we not mention a bad Smashing Pumpkins song again please? I’ve not said anything to anyone, but hearing the song in my head is really doing my head in.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   mamason bang

    ♫ “Daniel is typing tonight once again.

    I can hear the keyboard strokes, It’s causing me so much pain

    Oh and, I can hear Daniel typing, goodbye.

    God, it sounds like Daniel. Must be the pain behind my eye.

    Daniel my brother, you are louder than me

    Do you still feel the pain of the words that you pound

    Your keyboard died ’cause you type more than I

    Daniel you’re a clod in this cubicle hell”

    Sep 10, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Canthz_B bang

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   mamason bang

      ♥ 2 u 2 :mrgreen:

      *phew*

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      Finally, a song some of us oldsters can identify with!
      Cousin Brucie would be proud!! ROTFL

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   T imo® bang

      Double ♥ Mama, absolutely brilliant.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Brava! Sera belisima.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Michael

    She should be glad she doesn’t sit by me. I still use an old Model M keyboard and I refuse to type on anything else, the softer keys slow me down too much and destroy productivity.

    Sep 10, 2009 at 11:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   aloria

      I’m a loud typist. I really cannot help it; I have tendon damage in one of my hands so I can only move those fingers in a certain way. Despite this, I’m also a really fast typer.

      I used to feel bad for my coworkers, but then I sat next to some of them and realize that they generally don’t type any quieter than I do– they just type slower and less frequently so it just SEEMS like I’m a bad apple. And honestly, the sound of typing really is only annoying if you focus on it, otherwise it becomes just another background sound, like the constantly running photocopier, cross cut shredder, and warbling fax machine.

      Plus, I /can’t/ type on anything else– my job function requires the use of software that needs a specialized, custom keyboard with extra keys and a proprietary thumbprint reader. Even if they wanted to get me one of those squishy, quiet keyboards, I couldn’t do my job with it.

      I went ahead and had the office supply manager order a bunch of white noise machines for everyone who had a huge issue with the sounds of other people’s typing. Me personally, if someone in the office is making noises that bother me, I just listen to my iPod.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:26 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   TheOldSchool

      Thanks for sharing this, Aloria.

      I’m sure that everyone here was hoping you would fill in some of the blanks on your current situation.

      Oh look, here’s the nurse to take you back to your “office.”

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   park rose

      TOS, you know your comments frequently get my thumb and this one is no different, however, I, for one, found aloria’s story fascinating and I heartily concur with her observations and suggestions.

      Besides, I want one of those white noise machines. Well, I could just switch the television onto static, but I want the official version. It could amuse me for hours. Oh, hold on, wikipedia tells me that such machines produce pink noise (not that there’s anything wrong with that) rather than white noise which has a harsh sound. Okay. I’ll just stick with my television.

      Anyway, what I want to know is how can any keyboard that is used today be noisier than manual typewriters or electric typewriters? Unless electric typewriters are still being used. Seems we’ve evolved into a bunch of namby pamby bastards with aural senses so acute that the sound of today’s keyboards in use cause pain ( I’ve got a feeling that the seepage from an ipod would annoy me far more). Could be wrong, of course, usually am, but today I side with gwenhwyfaer and aloria :)

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   TheOldSchool

      Rose,

      I’ll accept you at your word that your “pink noise” link leads to a site related to “aural,” not “oral” pleasures, and that’s why I won’t bother clicking it.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 7:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Baylink

    Good thing she doesn’t work with me.

    I proudly hammer on the noisiest keyboard ever built: the IBM Model M. I own 4 or 5 them now, and you can have them when you pry them out from beneath my cold, dead fingers.

    (Obit: “Heston: You can have my guns, now.”)

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   T imo® bang

      First thing I do after I jump out of my flivver is polish my monocle and bang out an interoffice memo on my smith corona to the other scriveners. Ahhh the satisfying “ding” at the end of a run.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      After a time, even the scratching of Bob Cratchett’s crowquill on the ledger books can be taxing on ones nerves…we must persevere.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Kelly

    Janine, you’re being way too sensitive. I can barely hear Daniel’s keyboard clacking… the voices telling me to assassinate Reagan drown out loud typers very effectively.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   mamason bang

      Pretty soon it’ll be the black choppers and Secret Service telling you to come out with your hands up, drowning out the voices that are drowning out Daniel’s typing. 8-O

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Kelly

      No worries, I have a jumbo roll of tinfoil for hat-making when that happens.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Canthz_B bang

      Not to put too fine a point on it, but your voices are a little bit out of touch, Kelly. LOL

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Meh

      Wow, your voices are retro…

      Sep 11, 2009 at 9:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   park rose

      God told her to submit it. His voice is even more retro.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   mamason bang

    meh! Nevermind forevermore.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   park rose bang

      He (Daniel) shall press, ah, nevermore!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Meh

      But Forevermore is such an asshole, he’s so hard to ignore. I just want to do his head in with a tire iron.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Thanks!

    Maybe I took too many pills, but who is Janine? And why is she doing her head in?

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Thanks!

      Yeah, definately took too many. But she is doing her own head in now? This complaint begs for a conclusion.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Meh

      It’s a bit hard to tell because the color of the background and border blend together, but there are four columns here: the request number, a description of what is needed and why, the action to be taken, and the name of the person who made the request. Janine is the person who made the request, she’s asking that Daniel be given a new keyboard because his current one is so loud.

      Still, you should put down the pills, man.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      For real. Don’t do drugs on PAN…unless you’ve brought enough for the whole class! ;-)

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Meh

      @13.2
      I’m warning you…

      Sep 11, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Meh

      No you’re not….

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Maybe someone should take their pills....

      It’s a little hard to magically know not to use a handle and edit my comments thusly NINE HOURS before you ever appeared in this thread, especially when I’ve used it for months now with no complaints. Get over yourself.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   bored

      ALRIGHT!
      Nothing tops watching “cock” fight.
      Neither of ‘em seem aware of little tool called register.
      Let’s see which idiot reads this comment first.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   anglophile bang

      I thought of mentioning that option to them, bored, but then I thought, “meh”.

      P.S. You might want to avail yourself of that option as well. How embarassing if you found your ennui rudely dispelled by the appearance of a doppelganger of your own!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Meh

      The funny thing is, I’m not even commenting. I’m just watching other people take my place, and the guy who started complaining isn’t even the registered Meh. It’s all… so passive-aggressive.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   Canthz_B bang

      Then there’s more than one asspanda?

      Sep 12, 2009 at 12:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   mamason bang

      One can only hope, for certainly one asspanda isn’t sufficient for the whole lot of us.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 2:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   bored

      good point, Anglophile, but “meh” with extra helping of shrug

      Sep 14, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    If only poor tone-deaf Janine could keep up on bass their sound would be more harmonious.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 1:01 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      She may have studied at the Yoko Ono conservatory for Music and Dissent.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   T imo® bang

      I think she was a dissonance major.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   bored

      boredom sucks.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Keyboard peace.

      Sep 17, 2009 at 6:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   bowloftoast bang

    Dear Daniel:
    Please find enclosed one Kleigen 6300 keyboard, designed specifically for sausage-fingered morons like yourself.
    Best,
    Mgmt

    Sep 11, 2009 at 3:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Daniel can be excused for typing away with abandon.
    When you get a good idea while writing Robinson Crusoe, you’ve gotta bang that sucker out!!

    Sep 11, 2009 at 4:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   The Great Joe Bivins

    No, no, no. It’s not really typing if you can’t hear the keys clicking, SO SAYS QWERTYUIOP, GOD OF TYPING.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 4:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      QWERTYUIOP what is best in life?
      To crush your keyboard, to drive the sound to your neighbors, and to hear the lamentations of your uptight office-mates.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Gandalf

      Does that mean QWERTYUIOP will wind up the Governor of California?

      Vote for QWERTYUIOP, he’s the right type!

      He’d probably do well in several key constituencies.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Gandalf

      As long as he stays above board.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Mark bang

      ARGH, foiled by the backediting Gandalf.
      *shakes snee fist*

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Is it really Daniel’s fault he was issued an IBM Seletric?

    Sep 11, 2009 at 4:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   GK bang

      Ah, yes. The only typewriter that doubles as a piece of golfing equipment.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 11:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Clarissa

    Dear Janine,

    Here’s our online catalog: http://www.typewritermuseum.org/collection/index.php3?machine=royalqd&cat=kf.
    Please let us know which one best fits your needs.

    Thank you.
    Mgmt

    Sep 11, 2009 at 6:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Uh oh

    Is it ok if I only clip like one fingernail, maybe once a week? Now I am worried. :(

    Sep 11, 2009 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Chandie

      Please for the love of Pete, stop. You have no idea how much that makes other people cringe. We have someone here who does it and I can hear her snip snip snip from six cubicles away.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Wendy

    Poor guy. Those ‘quiet’ keyboards are a bitch to type on. The keys are way harder to press, and it isn’t nearly so satisfying a sound as that click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click…

    Sep 11, 2009 at 7:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   mamason bang

      You must be a hunter/pecker, because mine says, “clickety clickety clickety clickety…” you get the point.

      *hunter/pecker… that sounds a little dirty*

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m kind of a pecker/hunter.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   T imo® bang

      I ♥ U

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Gandalf

      I use the Columbus Method.
      Find a key and land on it.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   TheOldSchool

      The Columbus Method sounds a lot like golf.

      You’ve got a green in your sight.
      You get on.
      You putt in.
      You pull out.
      You shake it all about.
      And then you discreetly move on to the next hole.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.6   Gandalf

      And then you play golf

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Just make sure that you hit the right hole..

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.8   T imo® bang

      Stay out of the sand trap.
      Ouch!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.9   Canthz_B bang

      Never be selfish. Do it in a fairway.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.10   mamason bang

      No rough stuff .

      Sep 12, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.11   Geek Goddess

      Get someone else to hold your clubs

      Sep 12, 2009 at 3:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.12   anglophile bang

      Golf is stupid. Since when is fewer strokes a good thing?

      Sep 12, 2009 at 6:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.13   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You haven’t seen me play golf…I’m a great putter.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.14   Canthz_B bang

      Wanna see my nine iron?

      Sep 13, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.15   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I think I would prefer to see your wood. I want to see if it is as big as they say it is.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.16   T imo® bang

      I am going to Drive ‘er!

      Sep 14, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.17   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Do you have a good, stong, long game?

      Sep 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.18   Canthz_B bang

      Where’s the ball-washer in this place?

      Sep 14, 2009 at 7:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.19   Canthz_B bang

      Now I want to get in a few holes. Guess I’ll go shag a few.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 7:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.20   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Thank god we are not bowling…

      Sep 15, 2009 at 8:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Wendy

    Also… I used to help clean a bank when I was in junior high, for extra money. One of the VPs clipped his toenails under his desk. And just LEFT them there for us to clean up.

    ~Gag.

    The best part was… his office walls were all glass, open to the bank lobby. When was he doing this?

    Sep 11, 2009 at 7:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      Off topic comment is off topic.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Wendy

      Oh. I should have put this in response to earlier comment which involved fingernails, and then it would have ALL MADE SENSE. But it looks all stupid, there by itself. (cry)

      Sep 15, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Fragrant Liar

    Just found your site. These posts are hysterical.

    You know, men are some of the loudest typers out there. They pound their fingertips into the keyboard. Just sayin’ . . .

    Sep 11, 2009 at 8:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Pirate Buny

    My co-worker cuts her nails at her desk too! With scissors!

    Sep 11, 2009 at 8:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   bored

    I am not surprised that Janine is whiner. Her name says that any given time she would whine about weather being too cold or too warm. Never comfortable and everybody’s after her for this or that.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 9:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   number15

    Ugh, I share a cubicle with a nail clipper. She also has a weave that has a distinct smell. Yes, smell. Jamaican me crazy!!! (she’s Jamaican).

    Sep 11, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   mamason bang

      “Bitch, your weave is stank.”

      Sep 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I thought you were supposed to wash the horse hair before using it in a weave?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   GhostWriter bang

    Daniel’s little clickety keyboard is no big deal. You want to be annoyed? Try spending the mid-80′s in a low-walled cubicle farm sitting across from Thomas Dolby and his Prophet 5 synth/keyboard! Man, those thumpy electro-bass tones shook my fillings, his raspy sawtooth melodies gave me the shakes, those ethereal whines echoed all the way into the breakroom…
    “…and for God’s Sake,” I pleaded daily, “when will he stop worrying that one of his submarines is missing?”

    Sep 11, 2009 at 9:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   T imo® bang

      (Missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing)
      One of our submarines is missing tonight
      (Missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing)
      Seems she ran aground on manoeuvres
      (Missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing)
      One of our submarines
      (Missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing, missing)

      AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

      Science!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   bored

    It’s doing your head in indeed! That’s why you go posting on community helpline about your preferred solution about situation which, of course, involves embaressing the other party in front of whole office. Let me tell ya, if you were to fuck with me, I would make sure that quieter key board is louder than the other.
    Nah! further analysis shows you have not got head in the first place to be done in but just the ass instead.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Pollyjenna

      The note writer is not the same person who submitted it.
      Janine =/= Leslie.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 5:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Canthz_B bang

      =/= is not equal to ≠, it’s 1, because anything divided by itself = 1. ;-)

      Sep 13, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   bored

      Did I ever hinted that comment 28 is aimed toward Leslie? or Did Leslie ever said that keyboard noise is doing her head in? or further more Did Leslie ever ordered quieter key board for Daniel?
      No.
      Comment # 28 was aimed at Janine.
      I repeat,
      never ever bother with the comments without using your brainz in this place.
      and If you can’t use it because you don’t have it then resign from internet.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 11:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   GK bang

    Can we get this guy a replacement keyboard as well? Perhaps a foam rubber one would be best.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   mamason bang

      wow… I wonder what got his weiner in a schnitzel! 8-O

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Maybe Frau Mama cancelled his war crack account

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   claw71 bang

    Janine could have resolved this problem herself if she would have done something radical like focus on her work and do a little keyboard banging of her own. It’s ironic that the people who make these sort of complaints are typically the least productive of the group. Poor Daniel’s probably hammering away at his keyboard trying to pick up the slack Janine leaves behind while she ponders what to complain about next.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   TheOldSchool

      Claw … you’re back.

      I was just laying here … thinking … about you.

      You know. Wondering where you’ve been.

      Now that you’re back, I’ll lay here … thinking … about Mishee, RB, Sirius, and Scarlett Johansson.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   mamason bang

      *ahem*

      Sep 12, 2009 at 2:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   claw71 bang

    People who perform personal hygiene at their desks should be shot. That’s just gross. Nail clipping, flossing, eyebrow plucking, pimple popping, digging ingrown hairs out of your inner thigh with staple removers…it’s all so innappropriate. Come on, people.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   mamason bang

      What should I use to dig the ingrown hairs out of my inner thighs, then?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   T imo® bang

      salad tongs from the buffet.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   TheOldSchool

      If they’re ingrown, how do you know they’re there?

      Hey! Wait a minute! This could be another one of those lady tricks!

      Sep 11, 2009 at 3:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Anonymous

    I type transcript and I have the same problem with a coworker. He BANGS on his keyboard at 150 wpm, to the point where his entire work station shakes furiously. Which is awesome because he likes to hoard groups of empty coffee mugs around his desk that clang together in all the movement.

    Management has ordered a silent keyboard, but it hasn’t made a difference. They are now looking into sound proofing his cubicle. The only respite from the noise is when he takes moments throughout the day to read online comics, while twirling a lock of his mullet around his finger…

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Geek Goddess

      What kind of workplace provides work stations that can’t actually handle the action of someone doing, you know, work? I vote that they just get some decent sturdy furniture, and serve the coffee in Styrofoam®.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 6:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Canthz_B bang

      I say if the guy types 150wpm he’s a valuable asset and that sound he makes is the sound of productivity in the workplace.
      I’d suggest you try to keep up with him as loudly as possible.
      When management decides to cut the workforce, he’s not going anywhere.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Anonymous

      Not sure why I feel the need to respond to this? But typing fast is just a given at our gig and everybody is at his speed or more. Speed doesn’t equal productivity. I myself type marginally faster, at half the sound level, and turn out double the work at the end of a week.

      He does -everything- loudly and it’s tiresome when you can’t hear your work over him. Nobody really needed to hear that half hour conversation he had at his cubicle in an Outside Voice with his girlfriend about her abortion.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   clumber

      our cow….orker types apparently below my give-a-damn audible level… but STOMPS STOMPS STOMPS EVERYWHERE SHE GOES AT ALL TIMES! The occasional time she STOMPS past my cubicle waaay over here in the corner, photos, my calendar, notes… all fall off my walls. My monitor shakes to the point that I can’t read it and sometimes it drops it’s connection to the PC or the power strip… We can hear her throughout the building STOMP STOMP STOMP to the restroom then STOMP STOMP STOMP up the stairs, around the 3rd floor, back down to the 1st floor and, finally peace when her STOMP hits the outside asphalt. It is not much different than the methods used by the BATFE to wear down those in various siege situations… I have no idea who to surrender to.. so maybe i need to just burn the mofo down…

      Sep 15, 2009 at 1:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Loud, Angry Typer

    I use a buckling-spring keyboard and it’s loud as shit. If anyone ever asked me to get a new one, I would refuse. I type way faster on a keyboard with tactile and auditory indicators, as opposed to those shallow-keypress ‘quiet’ keyboards.

    If it bothers anyone, they can give me my own office and I’ll gladly type with the door closed.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   T imo® bang

      I am more of a random “keyboard cat” sort of typer. Zen like, my eyes half closed from a smoked lunch, I lunge through my documents with haphazard precision.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Timo, I had to thumb you (gently) because I adore the phrase “haphazard precision”.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 2:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Kind of like “spontaneous planning”.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   park rose

      I thumbed him because I adore Timo, and Zen and the art of Haphazard Typing has such a cool ring to it.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.5   anglophile bang

      I thumbed him because he mentioned “cat” in his comment.

      Sep 11, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.6   Canthz_B bang

      I type with deliberate speed.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 12:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.7   can't think of a good name

      I thumbed him because everyone else was doing it and I wanted to look cool.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 7:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.8   Woman on the Verge bang

      Hey! I thumbed him first you…. you… keyboard clackers!

      Sep 12, 2009 at 4:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.9   GK bang

      Keep your dickbeaters off that thumb button!

      Sep 14, 2009 at 3:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Woman on the Verge bang

    My fake nails add an extra click to my clickety clack typing making me sound extra productive. Am I fooling anyone? Hey, right now they all think I’m working away….

    Sep 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Sarah

    One of our discussion topics at our last staff meeting was NO CLIPPING NAILS AT YOUR DESK.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 7:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   T imo® bang

      What about PedEgg use?
      It could be used as a lovely garnish in the lunch room later?

      Sep 11, 2009 at 7:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   pilgrimchick

    What people complain about never ceases to amaze me.

    Sep 11, 2009 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   mamason bang

      I’ll bet you look like this… 8-O

      Sep 12, 2009 at 2:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Neeners

      Yes, Janine needs a new job. Once the “little” things start getting to you, it’s time to leave.

      Just sayin’…. Make the move J, just do it. It will all work out especially for everyone else after your gone.

      Sep 12, 2009 at 11:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Paul

    I’d love to put this woman in the center of a room, tightly surrounded with people LOUDLY typing away at their keyboards, just to see what would happen. >;oD There is a film in there somewhere!

    Sep 12, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   park rose

      An art film, I think, Paul. The soundtrack could be a ululating crescendo (if that’s possible) of white noise, the authentic kind. Of course, then the white noise would drown out the sound of typing, but maybe that would be its very existential point. People would flock to see it.

      Sep 14, 2009 at 7:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   clumber

      my bet would be that even more people would CLAIM they saw it. Over Bunko parties with a nice dry wine from a box.

      Sep 15, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   DC

    Loud keyboard? Honey, for some LOUD typing, watch “All the President’s Men” (the GOOD version with Redford and Hoffman) — you’ll scramble to turn down the volume. Srsly. But I suspect that she who is annoyed by loud keyboards will also be annoyed by loud breathing and loud writing….

    Sep 13, 2009 at 4:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   aaa bang

    [Official-looking numbers]: Can we get Janine like, fired from this job and permanently banned from ever working with people again? She sucks at social interaction and I’d feel guilty about just loosing her onto the world to be a dick to other coworkers.

    Keyboard to be shoved up her ass.

    Sep 13, 2009 at 6:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Amanda

    I can understand this, some people type (and talk) ridiculously loudly. I type very fast and actually had to learn to touch the keys more softly, 1) because it was annoying and 2) my fingers would actually hurt by the end of the day (I type about 95-100 WPM). People who are both slow and loud do my head right in though.

    Sep 13, 2009 at 7:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Jeff Goldman

    silent washable keyboards and mice available at http://www.man-machine.com

    Sep 14, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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