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Unattended children will be shot.

September 13th, 2009 · 135 comments

As previously discussed, this hamfisted attempt at wit remains the scourge of retail establishments the world over.

at least it doesn't say "expresso"

As it turns out, the umpteen-million variations are even more hilariously clever!

For example, while the original version merely confuses a lot of people, this one just seems like a bizarre incentive for child abandonment.

Children left unattended will receive a free kitten

Quickly, however, things start to get very un-p.c. (And also…very creepy.)

Unattended children will be sold to Gypsies

This version, in fact, is almost as popular as the original. (Other examples here and here and here and here and here and…is that a machete?)

Unattended children will be sold as slaves

Child slavery? Now that’s comedy gold. But really, why stop there? Why not “unattended children will be trafficked into child prostitution”? “Unattended children will be sold to pedophiles”? Or anally probed? or…

Unattended children will be placed on hooks (and tortured)

unattended children will be served as sausage

All unattended children will be thrown in the dumpster

Hilarious, right?

related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry

FILED UNDER: kids · kinda creepy · most popular notes of 2009 · oh no you didn't · retail hell

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