Daniel is Montreal says his dear grandmother sent him this card in the mail for his birthday. The front of the card (which didn’t scan very well) says: It is not what is visible on the surface but what is deep inside that sustains us.
Well, says Daniel, “that and guilt.”
related: Dear Grandma — thanks, I guess; How I “did” my grandma
116 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
Sounds like something you’d place in a casket.
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:37 pm rating: 3
#2
Canthz_B
At first I read that as “…see the back of you…” and was thinking to myself: Now that’s a fine how do you do!
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:39 pm rating: 33
#3
Neeners
Only thing missing in this birthday card from grandma is a paragraph about all her physical ailments and how she may pass on to the other side before she sees him. By the way Happy Birthday!
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 3
#4
Clarissa
And here is some inherited guilt!
Happy Birthday! \o/
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 3
#5
Naomi
How is this passive aggressive? It would be if she said “before my life is over” but “before the year is over”? A request for a visit within the next three months isn’t that extreme.
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:46 pm rating: 7
#6
MAMARILLA2
What country is she from?…Is is one of those where it is bad luck to wish happiness for someone so if the spirits hear you they will not bring bad luck and sorrow to the person?…or maybe she just has a BA in guilt.
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:53 pm rating: 1
#7
Surly Dave
Go see your grandma, she misses you, you bastard.
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: 31
#8
MelissaF
Typical grandma card. I thought everyone got this note in their bday cards??!!
Sep 16, 2009 at 8:59 pm rating: 4
#9
Kelly
As long as the check clears, I don’t care what the hell Grandma writes in the card!
Sep 16, 2009 at 9:13 pm rating: 10
#10
matt blank
FYI It took me a minute but it says “…see the both of you…”
Grandma probably had this card sitting around and instead of running out to get a new one just said “Shit that kid doesn’t give a crap about me. Why should I?”
Sep 16, 2009 at 9:14 pm rating: 5
#11
dpiercy85
i’ll call for you, what’s her number?
Sep 16, 2009 at 9:20 pm rating: 4
#12
harmonicpies
At least she didn’t include a gift of stationary complete with self-addressed, stamped envelopes.
Sep 16, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: 2
#13
TheOldSchool
I’m with Grandma.
She sends a lovely card, expresses her gentle feelings of affection to her beloved grandson.
So what does he do?
Being the no-good, feeble-minded twat that he is — he projects his own warped and sinister mentality onto her, convinces himself that he’s a victim, and then the sick little freak slinks over to his scanner and rats out his own sweet grandma to PAN.
Daniel: piss off. You’re a simpering weasel.
PS What is deep inside you, Daniel? Grandma’s trying to help you, even if you’re too self-absorbed to see that.
Sep 16, 2009 at 10:10 pm rating: 29
#14
aaa
Translation:
I’m trying to hide my disappointment in your lack of communication under a Hallmark Zen facade. It’s not working too well. Please call me, Daniel. I promise I won’t give you a fruitcake.
Sep 16, 2009 at 11:55 pm rating: 1
#15
The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh
I wager that Daniel would go see grandma more often if the whole conversation didn’t consist of “I never get to see you anymore”, ” You never come and see me”, or “Why don’t you come and visit anymore?”
Sep 17, 2009 at 12:10 am rating: 10
#16
Canthz_B
You can always tell when someone is just doing their time at a greeting card company until their 17th manuscript re-write is accepted by a publisher.
Sep 17, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: 2
#17
Susan
I’m glad someone explained what it actually says. I really couldn’t see past “back of you”. In fact, without Daniel’s input, I still wonder if it does say that… (hilarious if it does!)
Sep 17, 2009 at 2:51 am rating: 1
#18
itdb
If it doesn’t say ‘see the back of you’ I can’t see whats wrong with this card. A grandmother expressing the desire to see her grandchild? What a bitch.
Daniel should be ashamed of himself for neglecting his poor sweet old granny.
Sep 17, 2009 at 5:38 am rating: 3
#19
park rose
Just to make things current again.
Sep 17, 2009 at 6:50 am rating: 1
#20
Innana
This post and comments tell me more about people’s attitudes toward their family than about the grandmother. I hope she never finds out her card was the source of so much scorn. This post is the passive-aggressive work of hostility. There was an earlier post of somebody’s mother’s card that said she understood he couldn’t come for Easter. He was all bent out of shape, too. I guess the only “healthy” thing is for relatives to ignore you, right?
Sep 17, 2009 at 9:23 am rating: 1
#21
bingo
Everyone knows kids don’t read cards, anyway. They just rip ‘em open and look for money. What are the odds that THIS would be the one he would choose to read? Perhaps there was no check inside, which prompted the reading of the card. Serves you right, Daniel. You probably have been getting condolences on your birthday for years!
Sep 17, 2009 at 9:39 am rating: 4
#22
The Mayor of Bethville
Clearly, grandma had a drawer full of sympathy cards and didn’t feel like gassing up the sedan to head to the Hallmark store. It’s an open and shut case of granny laziness.
Sep 17, 2009 at 9:54 am rating: 5
#23
oi
Team grandma.
I don’t see any guilt trip here. She wants to see him. What’s wrong with that?
Just because it’s written that does n0t mean it’s PA.
If Daniel’s been ignoring grandma for good part of his life and this simple message induces guilt in him, then that’s a different story altogether.
Sep 17, 2009 at 9:55 am rating: 5
#24
Grizzly
Unless there’s a lot of back story here I don’t see any sort of guilt trip. It’s up front that she wants to see him.
Sep 17, 2009 at 10:01 am rating: 0
#25
Rachet
My grandmother once sent me a sympathy card with my birthday money. Her explanation was “I know it’s a Your Mother Is Dead card but I thought the picture was pretty. And you ARE always in my thoughts.” I had to keep it. I thought it was very sweet in a Grandma Is Losing It kinda way.
Sep 17, 2009 at 10:10 am rating: 24
#26
thrall38
To me this says she rummaged through her stash of greeting cards looking for a birthday card and only found one for condolences. Good enough.
Sep 17, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: 5
#27
Gandalf
Daniel sounds like a douche barrel.
He should be grateful to still have a grandmother. I would gladly accept a sympathy card from my grandmother on my birthday. Of course the fact that she’s been dead for over 20 years might creep me out.
In the twilight of my grandmother’s life, my family wanted to put her in a “home”. I took her in, and took care of her despite already having a new marriage and finishing my degree, and work on my plate.
Visiting her once in a while seems like a small price to pay for a grandmother’s love and affection.
Besides, he might convince her to change the will!
Sep 17, 2009 at 10:50 am rating: 4
#28
RP
This seems awfully mild. This must be one of those things where you have to know the person to know what tone they were probably writing the note in. The text by itself is fine but maybe grandma is always saying this in a ‘woo is me’ tone of voice.
OK, this is off topic, but are posts disappearing off of this web site? What happened to the one about the grant?
Sep 17, 2009 at 12:06 pm rating: 0
#29
panote for panotes
How the fuck hard would it be to post more than one picture a day? Jesus this site is tedious.
Sep 17, 2009 at 1:52 pm rating: 1
#30
Geek Goddess
Oops. Gigglebrax fail. Feel free to not thumb me, and mock me as well.
Sep 17, 2009 at 2:10 pm rating: 4
#31
GhostWriter
It all started when Daniel’s parents forgot to attend the Mass that was offered in honor of Gramps (now deceased.) That turned Grandma into a home-wrecking bitch. She keeps blaming Judith, Daniel’s mom, but it was really Daniel Sr., her own son, who forgot to mark the calendar. Grandma keeps acting like Daniel’s parents are constantly arguing, or getting a divorce, and that she feels so sorry for the poor abused Daniel.
“Why don’t you and your father come live with me until this whole thing gets finalized?”
“What whole thing?”
“Oh, you know- the turmoil; the tumultuous waves of the gathering storm. Your parent’s are breaking up, Daniel. It’s not healthy for you to be in the middle of that.”
“Grandma, there’s no turmoil, everything’s fine, I’m wanna finish my Senior year here in Franklin. Nobody’s getting divorced.”
“They’re just telling you that, Daniel! Sometimes things look really calm, but way, way down deep, they are a mess of angry tension. Why don’t you and your father just visit for a long weekend? You can stay in his bedroom with him, in the top bunk. It’s the same as when he left me- his clothes are still in his closet. At least consider trying it out- you’ll love the carolling during the Holidays…”
“Well Grandma, I’ll think about it…talk to Dad, OK?”
Sep 17, 2009 at 3:42 pm rating: 4
#32
Bob Loblaw
I bet the card smells like urine and Depends……
Sep 17, 2009 at 4:53 pm rating: 0
#33
MAMARILLA2
At least he gets a card. All my kids get from Grandpa is the check…
Sep 17, 2009 at 8:30 pm rating: 0
#34
sandra
Wow. That’s freakin’ creepy.
Sep 17, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 0
#35
Rachel
I’m wondering which bereaved person got the cheerful birthday card that Grandma sent when she mixed these up.
Sep 17, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 6
#36
Tammy
okay Daniel, so your submission qualifies for this site, you win.
Now go visit your grandmother.
Sep 18, 2009 at 5:15 am rating: 0
#37
Madcap
Daniel, are you my son from the future? That looks exactly like something I would get from my mother-in-law. Even the handwriting is the same.
Do we have flying cars yet?
Sep 18, 2009 at 2:49 pm rating: 2
#38
evilgenius
team daniel.
it’s not like he doesn’t visit, but for her he doesn’t visit enough. i guess that note was a little grandma drama to get him to go again.
Sep 18, 2009 at 3:58 pm rating: 1
#39
Shelley Sidle
This guy’s granny has NOTHING on my grandma. I wish I still had it so I could share it with you all, but I once received a birthday card that contained the requisite guilt-trip for not visiting her (hey, her son moved us across the country, not me!) and then she proceeded to tell me the things I was doing wrong and why I wasn’t successful like my brother. No birthday $$, since that was mentioned in a post above.
But I love my grandmother & still talk to her, and we aren’t enemies or anything, lest you all get the wrong idea. OH!!!….. but when I was a teenager, I steamed open my brother’s Xmas card, just out of curiousity…and the check she sent him was more than twice the one she sent me (favoritism anyone?). Funny, funny little old lady…. And I do still love her and her moody, quirky ways and she just turned 91 in August!!
Sep 21, 2009 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#40
Lisa
Oh my word, I got one just like that from my grandma about a year ago. But I think it was “I hope to get to see my great-grandchild again someday.”
I about spit my drink out..
Sep 28, 2009 at 3:55 pm rating: 0
#41 waiting for the rapture (and/or a thank you note)
[...] related: my condolences on your birthday [...]
Nov 5, 2009 at 6:59 pm rating: 0
#42
pony girl
Maybe she’s just really zen.
Nov 6, 2009 at 6:27 am rating: 0
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