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Wishin’ and hopin’

September 24th, 2009 · 120 comments

When dealing with anonymous strangers, there’s no point in playing coy about your hopes and dreams. Tell us, kids, what do you REALLY want?

I hope your baseball team never wins another world series for the rest of your life

I hope you get the runs!

I hope your spouse leaves you for your best friend

I hope you catch on fire

Hope your balls fall off!

I hope God will kill you in a car crash before you get to your house

related: I hope your cat chokes

FILED UNDER: die bitch die · God · more aggressive than passive · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing

120 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kobraski

    excellent. i can relate to all those feelings.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Now Smithers, you may release the dogs.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #2   Andre

    Honestly, if I knew people like this I’d steal from them just to get something quote-worthy (especially the last one.)

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:12 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #3   Watchtower bang

    Each one became more priceless than the next. And threatening to use God as a personal hired goon in the dirty revenge business gives these notes a touch of class that I think we all can admire.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:14 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Watchtower bang

      To do list:
      1) Pick up cheese.
      2) Return rentals to the store.
      3) Drop off dry cleaning.
      4) Text God to see if he can whip up some of that leprosy stuff for the guy who parked too close to me.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 3:24 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   neverfirst

      Jesus hates our baseball team.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 8:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   T imo® bang

      God is the OG of the Godfathers yo!

      Oh Saint Guido, Patron saint of concrete shoe fitters, heed my prayer…

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Never forget T imo, that at some time, he may call upon you to do a small favor for him.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   T imo® bang

      And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   Meesh

      “One, two, five!”

      “Three, sir.”


      Sep 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    God hates being used in PA notes so He swiped an ‘E’, and left “BEFOR” anyone was any the wiser.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Wow! Finally a PA note from someone who knows they can’t drive for crap!

    I agree. If someone can’t park worth a damn, everyone else in the lot needs to park askew to accommodate them.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:52 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   GK bang

      “You are a real asshole. Just because my car wasn’t parked straight, you had to tow it away, crush it into a neat cube, and leave the cube back again.”

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:43 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   mjg

      It’s drivers like this that make me wish I drove a rusted out 1984 Ford LTD. Then I could park on TOP of them with no remorse.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 6:43 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   thrall38

      I hope it was a woman who parked too close. That way when her balls fall off, she won’t be missing much! Team I Can Park My Own Car Just Fine, Thank You.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 8:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   flying fish

      last christmas, at central market, some woman had parked one of those huge escalades all the way over to the left of her lane, touching the line.
      i parked next to it, completely within my lines.
      when i got back, she was loading her groceries and she scowled at me and said “thanks for parking so close”
      I pointed at the lines. and said “i parked My truck completely in My space, it’s not My fault that you either don’t know how to park or can’t think ahead.” “it’s only a few days until christmas, did you really think that nobody would park in this space while you were in the store?”
      she had no answer.
      or, maybe she just couldn’t think of anything to say that would be appropriate to say in front of her kids.
      Yes, I believe my snarkiness has previously been confirmed…

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:31 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   CremeBrulee

      I like to give other cars a good whack with my car door when they’re carelessly parked. My car’s a beater anyway.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   Fresca

      There’s a certain relief in driving a beater, isn’t there? I bought a new car recently and always park it far away from everybody else because I’m so scared of getting a ding. Maybe I should just ask somebody to ding it deliberately and get it over with.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   GK bang

      Keep your dickbeaters off my beater!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Michelle S.

      omg how I love parking stories. Boulder Colorado only has subcompact parking spots. This is to discourage anyone from driving anything larger than a Mini or a Smart.We had a nasty note left on our mid-sized, flawlessly parked suv from a woman who ranted about how inconsiderate we were for parking our giant vehicle so close to her car when she’s 8.5 months pregnant.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   Eric

      I like how this person acknowledges his lousy parking job and yet sees fit to criticize. Peeps need to learn how to park. If you’re going to take up two spots, then someone’s going to block you in. Inevitably that person will be me.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #5.10   T imo® bang

      Keep yer dick beating ding makers away from my hoon!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.11   GK bang

      What’s a “subcompact” when it’s at home? Or a suv? Stop making up words! >:-(

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      ♫ Well I was shopping for a new car, which one’s me.
      A new convertible or an SUV.
      Too bad I didn’t know my credit was whack,
      Now I’m driving off the lot in a used subcompact….

      have an earworm.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.13   octavius

      @ 5.3 Maybe he meant the ball joints. If those dropped off at 90 mph on a high bridge over a raging torrent, life termination would be imminent.

      The writing seems either immature or senile. It has a slow look to it which suggests the spelling “straght” is not the result of haste but a symptom of mental degeneration. Combined with the obvious focus on self, my preliminary diagnosis is Aspergers with early manifestation CJD.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.14   Nicky

      Michelle. Oh, please – Boulder is infected with Subarus, not sub-compacts.

      Of course, I’m a self righteous, car-free Boulderite who gets annoyed when people park their bikes badly.

      My bad parking story: My sister’s best friend – we’ll call her Michelle – drove a beater when she was a teenager… One day she came out of the mall to find a brand new Mustang had been parked with about 8″ between them. She carefully got in her car, keeping her hand between the open door and the Mustang to keep it from scratching. While she was getting ready to start the car, the girls who had been driving the Mustang (teenagers) also got to their car and the one girl promptly flung the passenger side door into Michelle’s car, then turned to her buddy and laughed.

      Michelle has a bit of a temper. She proceeded to open and close her door several times, slamming it into the mustang. She then held the door open as she reversed out of the parking space, scraping the entire side of the car. When she got home, she told her dad what she’d done and they went out to the garage, scraped the red paint off the door and hammered out the dents.

      The End.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #5.15   anglophile bang

      GK, subcompact is a common description in the US (the Midwest part, anyway) meaning, basically, “small car”. SUV is sport utility vehicle–a cross between a truck and a van.

      Where are you from?

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.16   analogeyser

      Mebbe from Barney Frank’s dining room ?

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.17   April

      Right on Eric! I drive a tooky little Saturn Ion sometimes and I just LOVE to pull in between large butt SUVs. If they have a problem with it, then park out in the boonies or get a smaller car. Other cars would not be able to park in those spaces, but I manage it. Its a legal parking space even if your giant monsters do loom over said parking space.

      Man if someone parks crooked, they get whatever happens to them. Take the two seconds to fix your parking or shut up.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 6:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Walter Findlay parked too close to Maude’s car again.

    Maude: “God will get you, Walter!”

    Walter: “Get over it, Maude! What makes you think you’re a Golden Girl?”


    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Gandalf

      Maude: You didn’t seem to mind a little “golden” last night.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   KatieMB

      Who doesn’t mind a nice shower?

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   TP

      Bea Arthur and all manner of things golden at night is not an image I want at this moment … or ever.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 5:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   T imo® bang

      That didn’t make me throw up a little in my mouth it made me do a technicolor yawn across the room!

      Sep 25, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   felix

    Wow, that really escalated pretty fast didn’t it?

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Meesh

      “Yeah! Brick killed a guy!”

      Sep 24, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Brick

      Did you see it? I killed a guy with a trident!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    Subway sandwiches, huh? I’ll try that next time I’m a bit “irregular”.

    Sure, I won’t keep it…but it beats those prune and Metamucil smoothies!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   Canthz_B bang


    J-1… Ha! Miss!!


    reference material

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   bokky bang

      …*and* my unborn baby’s bowel movement!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:21 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #10   The Great Joe Bivins

    Who stacks books that way?

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      It sure wasn’t Dewey. But maybe someone took “Put these books back in the stacks.” literally.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   bokky bang

    Just think, in a morgue somewhere lies the body of an accident victim. The forensics examiners have nothing to go on but a baseball pennant, a subway wrapper, an empty soft drink can, a camera with lots of graffiti pics on it, a stack of miscellaneous old books, an abusive note still stuck under the windscreen wiper, third degree burns, stained underwear, a Dear John letter from his wife, and the fact that his balls have dropped off. Good luck to them.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:35 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Fresca


      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   wright

      Full of Win, bokky.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 10:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Hmm, not straight and gets in on the passenger side…

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:52 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      Never heard it called “the passenger side” before; normally it’s called “the rear passage”. Or “the tradesman’s entrance”.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   bokky bang

      Coming out isn’t an easy affair, Canthz B. Everybody needs to find their own way to do it. I think we should applaud this person’s fledgling effort.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 5:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   KatieMB

    I love the impotent aspect of all these notes – they’re angry, and realize they have no recourse, which makes them even angrier, so they invoke rude curses and God’s wrath.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 5:28 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #14   JetJackson

    If the person who stole your ‘Hamels’ pennant felt the need to steal it then they probably support the same team as you…

    Therefore you just doomed your own baseball team into never winning another world series.

    Nice work!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:10 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   anglophile bang

      I need someone to enlighten me on who the Hamels are. I pretty much ignore any sport that’s not American football, but I think I would recognize any major league baseball club.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 6:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Wade bang

      Probably Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels… who apparently hates the Mets as much as Nikki.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 6:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Gandalf

      On the other hand, the thief in question might be a Mets fan. In which case Nikki just wasted a perfectly good curse.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   The Grammarphile

      That Hamels pennant was mine *sniffle*. I work in the NY metro area. Trust me, there aren’t any other Phillies fans in my office. Clearly, some bitter Mets fan thought it would be funny to steal the pennant.

      The pennant was stolen, and I subsequently cursed the Mets, shortly after last year’s World Series. Looking back on how the Mets’ current season has gone so far, I’m wondering if my joke of a curse actually worked. ;)

      (Anglophile: Cole Hamels is a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies baseball team.)

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   aaa bang

    The lunch thief cartoon and the graffiti get extra points for awesome.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #16   adnoxious

    I bet the missing camera person is jealous of whoever took that picture with their camera.
    Taking aim at lousy advertising

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   GK bang

      Hey, do you have a website or anything that we could visit? I was just wondering.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #17   aaa bang

    I’m so sure any of the possible gods one could believe in have absolutely nothing better to do than to make sure you get vindicated when people steal from you or park to close to your car.

    Odin: Hey Athena! Some dick parked to close to another car. Go make their testicles fall off!

    Athena: What? I did it last time! I think Tezcatlipoca should do it.

    Tezcatlipoca: Dude, fuck that, I’ve got a human sacrifice to go to!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:52 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Clarissa

      I think it’s a job for Orion because he’s still building a career.

      And being a giant and all might help him to get the job done properly.

      You gotta work you’re way up, right?

      Sep 24, 2009 at 7:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Send in The Krakken!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 8:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Gandalf

      Unless the poor driver is a Gorgon.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   Aphasia bang

    Nothing is more painful than when God kills you alive.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #19   Sol

    To the person who doesn’t know how to drive well enough to park their car between the lines in a way that allows other people to park properly and get out of their cars the normal way… You deserved it, you inconsiderate twat.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:01 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   ClearlyDemented

      Dear BMW owner,

      You may have noticed the diagonal lines running through your ‘parking spot.’ That’s not, in actuality, a place to park, but room allowed for my wheelchair. So thank you for forcing me to back my van into this spot in order to be able to get out of my vehicle at all.
      Here, outside the gates, society has allowed the people who need it most to get the best spots, not the person most in debt/least endowed. By the way, why do you have a W./Cheney sticker on a 2008 model car?

      Much Love,

      Sep 24, 2009 at 7:49 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   T imo® bang

      That breaking glass crunching sound is the sound of my chair lift of doom swinging out and crashing down on your doucheswizzler Beemer.

      Have a nice day.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:02 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   TP

      Break My Windows.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 5:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Clarissa

    Wishing that someone gets the runs is so ephemeral… You should go for: “And I hope you never defecate again.”

    THAT will teach them.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:06 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      If you think about it, that is also a temporary condition. In that sooner or later the feces will take matters into their own hands. So to speak.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 8:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   kt

    thank god im an athiest

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:11 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      As an Atheistic dyslexic, I deny the existence of dog.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 8:59 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   flying fish

      that’s okay mamarilla2,
      rover loves you anyway

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Maybe, but he’s not In Love With Me.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   flying fish

      well, you know, he’s a dog.
      he has to have space,
      likes to roam
      don’t take it personally

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.5   Clarissa

      Oh my Dog!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.6   Meesh

      But it’s YOUR dog!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      How can a good dog sit by and ignore the suffering all around?

      Sep 25, 2009 at 11:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.8   flying fish

      he was told to stay.
      sit, ubu, sit. good dog.

      Sep 25, 2009 at 2:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   JetJackson

    The person who did the second drawing really needs to get a hold on the difference between speech and thought bubbles.

    Technically there he is saying “Open toilet seat with seat down”

    … not to mention it is pretty hard to run at the kind of pace he is pulling (see the 3 dashes indicating high velocity) with your hands up your arse while wearing a pair of grandfather slippers.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:40 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   SFgal

      …not to mention the highly un-aerodynamic Munster haircut.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   anglophile bang

      I took it as a mix between artistic license and squeamishness over writing a speech bubble screaming SHIT!!!!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   aaa bang

      Those slippers might be toilet slippers. Or maybe not, since you’d only wear the toilet slippers when you’re actually in the toilet, so they’re probably the slippers you wear indoors in Japan. In any case, with the weird 70′s/80′s Japanime drawing style, looks like somebody’s really into Japan (or maybe they actually are Japanese).

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   Susan

    “hope your balls fall off” – Brilliant! I need an occasion to use that…

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   Mrs. HorribleLicensePlates

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    This is PA at it’s finest!!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   QuarterRoy00 bang

    So let me get this straight. You cannot grasp the concept of parking in between the lines and I can. That makes ME the asshole? I guess that would make you the ass-nozzle.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 7:57 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #26   evilgenius bang

    i just wish i knew the story behind the camera theft.
    why is the pa note on a graffiti wall?!
    was the camera stolen in that area?
    am i the only one curious about this?

    Sep 24, 2009 at 8:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   ClearlyDemented

      Bret was making a documentary on the homeless drug addicts that live under a nearby bridge. After his camera is stolen, he’s not only upset that his documentary cannot be completed, but that his bleeding-heart ideals have been crushed. Still, he is who he is. Inspired by his ‘Go Green’ t-shirt, he realizes the only right way to dissent is through the written word.

      He suspects an older man by the name of Frank, mostly because Frank is wearing new gloves. He reviews his footage of Frank, searching for something, anything, to use to reciprocate his feelings of loss and anger. Brett watches Frank narrate a story of waking up to screams one night, slowly realizing that his bestest buddy Jack is on fire while nearby teenagers laugh and record the incident. Bret smirks. Could it really be this easy?

      He writes this PA note in anger and is pleased to see Frank shudder when he first notices the note. After some reflection, however, he realizes that Frank hadn’t stolen his camera out of maliciousness or greed, but because he associated it with Jack’s death. He vowed to right his wrong.

      Bret’s dad bought him a new camera that same week. He continued his documentary only when Frank wasn’t around. When it was completed, he shared it with Frank and the others. He apologized for the note and explained that he intended to use his camera, and his spray can, only for good from that point on.

      Choose your own ending:

      1.) Frank stabs Bret in the spine with a rusty, dull knife, paralyzing him from the waist down. After pouring gasoline all about Bret, he lights a match, eyes glazed over in rage. As he stares at the flame, he remembers his old friend. He understands he shouldn’t do this; Bret is not the reason his friend died. He blows out the match, with a tear in his eye, and shuffles towards the methadone clinic.


      2.) They hug it out and become gay lovers.

      The end.

      Happy now, evilgenious? Your unending curiosity either just increased the fictional paralysis rate or is making young, confused teenage boys think homosexuality is acceptable when they should be reading the bible!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   evilgenius bang

      as happy as i am with the lovely backstory, it raised even more questions:

      how did brett review his footage if frank stole the camera?
      did he take the tape prior to the stealing moment?
      why would he do that?
      did marty mcfly come back from the future and warned him about it?

      and most importantly: the double ending is killing me. have. to. pick. one.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   ClearlyDemented


      It’s a documentary. He had days and days worth of tape.
      I think the first ending is more likely. I mean someone falling in love with a stinky homeless guy is just not realistic.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   anglophile bang

      CD, I wish you had written for the Choose Your Own Adventure series when I was growing up. Instead of always ending up at “You are captured as a slave and forced to labor on the Great Wall of China until you die”, I could have gotten to choose, “Do you shiv Bret or hug him” and ended with “You barbecue the remains and treat your fellow bums to a square meal.”

      Sep 24, 2009 at 4:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   Love it!!

      I flove Choose your own adventure!!!

      Dec 4, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Clarissa

    “I hope your balls fall off and your penis gets smaller.”

    Sep 24, 2009 at 8:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      Now see, that shows you how dumb a guy can be.
      I thought women wanted our balls to fall off and our penii to get bigger.
      That would save a fortune on birth control pills, injections, implants and 7-Up, without any loss of satisfaction.!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   scattywah

    if you can’t park your car within the lines, I don’t care if you are upset about me taking the spot next to you anyway. Apparently, the only thing that will teach you not to do that is being inconvenienced by your own shitty parking, so I’ll gladly help you. I don’t really care if I bang your door in the process, either. Passive aggression at its finest! (Although if I see the person, I tell them to their face to re-park.)

    Sep 24, 2009 at 8:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   jjdonkey

    Yikes…that parking note really took a left turn. I mean yeah, we get that you’re angry…but hoping he’s castrated by God? Imagine her curses if anything REALLY tragic ever happened.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #30   Jamie

    As a life-long baseball fan, that first one really hurts. I hope the pennant was worth that curse.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 9:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #31   Stream of bat's piss

    I think the ‘Lunch Bandit’ who stole the Subway sandwich did the stealee a favour.

    But the others are truly outstanding.

    Invoking G(g)od to cause death or near death is high level PA.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 9:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   bowloftoast bang

    Where can I get one of those ‘Lunch Bandit’ T-shirts? The local hipsters would be green with envy.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 10:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Clarissa

      I couldn’t resist and ordered one for myself.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.2   bowloftoast bang

      So ironic, it’s not / so unironic, it is.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #33   Jon Waldman

    Alright so if anyone’s interested here’s the whole story behind the camera graffiti.

    It was the last day of this years Bonnaroo music festival, and I woke up to find my backpack stolen from my campsite. I found some of the contents strewn about the ground, but not the backpack itself or my camera that was inside.

    After a few hours of traveling to various lost and found sites and making signs promoting a reward for its return i s decided to go on with my life, but that I needed to leave a message for the culprit in the vague hope that they would see it.

    So I spray painted the message on a wall right near the front of the concert area entrance so that anyone who entered would probably read it.

    And honestly it did make me feel slightly better, though i did lose 3 days worth of awesome pictures.

    My friends told me this morning that someone had submitted a pic of my graffiti to this site and it was cool. 3 Cheers for validation through the internet!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   ClearlyDemented

      Whatever you say, Bret. I hope physical therapy is going well. God Bless!!

      Sep 24, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   Geek Goddess

      “Please have your parking ticket validated at any of the following merchants”*

      *But only if you parked straight

      Sep 24, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #34   oi!

    only god can kill somebody dead!
    Wonders of PAN. You come to life saving knowledge only at PAN.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #35   oi!

    I love the guy in the car park note. I don’t know what I love more his nerve or his stupidity.

    He will go park the car inclined leaving irregular space for the adjacent car. and then proceeds to wish that other guys balls fall off! (but what if she is woman?) because he could not get into the car.

    Why did he write that he parked the car inclined? (Plain stupid?)
    He can do whatever he want, including parking car inappropriately but it other guy’s responsibility to leave space for him to get in! (nerve?)

    Sep 24, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #36   JoshC

    The photo from the bookstore and the description on the Flickr page don’t begin to do that place justice. From the photo date tag, it looks like the original photographer was there a couple of weeks before I was.

    It’s basically a trailer in the lady’s front yard down in a “holler” as the locals would call it, 3 or 4 miles outside of Waynesville itself, absolutely stuffed floor-to-ceiling with books. The aisles were 1.5-2 feet wide at most; I could hardly turn around. Hanging through each aisle were various antique kitchen implements with sale markings, some of them sharp and hanging down at eye level (granted, I’m 6’4″, so that’s high). Almost every rack of books had a sign either mentioning an array of cameras to catch thieves or threatening them as pictured. All in all, a truly disturbing experience.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Stream of bat's piss

      You should have dropped a big steamer in the row and taken off

      Sep 24, 2009 at 12:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #37   lauren

    NEVER fuck with a phillies fan.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #38   Brian


    Sep 24, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #39   Andy

    Let’s go Phillies!!!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 2:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #40   Ricky

    The “you are a real asshole” lady is mean. But… she has GREAT penmanship! Now I love her. I can only assume that it is a woman’s writing. Go figure.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

    Personally, I’m loving the office angst.

    If you realize that the note writer is fully aware soda-swiper’s spouse is rather friendly with soda-swiper’s bestie, and this causes soda-swiper great emotional distress – what else could possibly be better revenge than upping that stress level? It will never end. Soda-swiper will go home and argue with his/her spouse, further alienating said spouse, until this wish or some other version of it actually comes to pass. It’s brilliant!

    Sep 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   Jalla-peno

    “Hope your balls fall off”. What sounds like a relatively simple yet unfortunate event – kinda like a pair of ripe apples might fall off a tree in autumn – is really so much deeper and complex. Would the balls rip through the scrotal sack as they are forcibly ejected or would the entire bag harden and shrink up prior to falling off like an over ripened seed pod? Maybe they would bust through the scrotum and dangle at the end of the vas deferens for a ridiculously long and painful week until they were cut free with a pair of kitchen shears. Who knows? All i know is that it embodies the spirit of PAN.

    Sep 24, 2009 at 6:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Clarissa

      You know, that would be a fascinating study for ecologists all over the world (considering that the object of study can be found everywhere).

      Seeds dispersal would have a whole new meaning after that.

      Oh, and by fascinating I mean… Nevermind.

      Sep 24, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   Spectatrix bang

    Maybe Miss Crooked Parking shouldn’t have parked her SUV in a compact space (as I often see). My suggestion for the note recipient:

    Oct 14, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #44   jack

    I feel for them. I do. Some jackhole once ate my powerbar. I was pregnant and left a note “thanks for eating my breakfast. Now my baby will starve!”


    Oct 22, 2009 at 9:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #45   Melanie

    Aww, a Bonnaroo note! My friends and I laughed so hard when we saw that at ‘roo – I took a picture of it too!


    Oct 27, 2009 at 3:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   That's just [sic] | — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Wishin’ and hopin’ [...]

    Jun 6, 2010 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #47   Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value! |

    [...] ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, [...]

    Aug 1, 2010 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #48   Fun Crisis ! Popular Games – Funny Videos – Amazing Pics » Blog Archive Also, Santa hates you » Fun Crisis ! Popular Games - Funny Videos - Amazing Pics

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