1. Spotted by Trevor in Richmond, Virginia
2. From Karen in Chicago
3. Spotted by Eli in Kauai
4. from Miller Peterson in Japan
And lastly, a beloved classic from the world-class RunBarbara (and of course, THX SANDRA)
related: with a chainsaw?
Five reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber
September 29th, 2009 · 144 comments
FILED UNDER: bodily fluids · garbage · toilet · WTF?
144 responses so far ↓
#1
jessie
I think I’m going to “throw up.”
Sep 29, 2009 at 11:56 pm rating: 10
#2
bokky
The first one’s a bit unfair. I mean *everyone* flushes butter and cheese down the toilet. Don’t they?
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: 29
#3
Canthz_B
Kittens are still flushable items.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:04 am rating: 45
#4
aaa
Who the hell would flush art paper, canvas, and paint? Art supplies are fucking expensive!
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:05 am rating: 22
#5
aaa
All the cool kids vomit out their vaginas.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:07 am rating: 12
#6
harmonicpies
Those first two signs look pretty comprehensive. Thank goodness, I can still flush the leftover mongolian BBQ.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:07 am rating: 26
#7
aaa
Sounds like these people could use some paper urine trousers.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:10 am rating: 5
#8
JetJackson
Is Sandra a bald, old man with grey hair that straddles her patients in the cowgirl position while examining their teeth or just horribly inept at choosing clip art?
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:13 am rating: 23
#9
Canthz_B
I repeat:
Just a minor point, but if you find yourself up-chucking anything larger than a turd consult your physician immediately!
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:55 am rating: 32
#10
jacqueline
i have the same picture from kauai, and found it at a beach called barking sands. COOL!
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:56 am rating: 0
#11
anj
I’m sorry but I am going to continue to flush my used ob instead of wrapping it and throwing it into a trashcan.
I know these signs are meant for me!
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:03 am rating: 3
#12
HottDawg
Recently excavated from the Lift Station at the apartment complex where i work: A mop head, adult diapers, kitty litter and a logjam of assorted feminine products. The bill? 20k +
( A Lift Station pumps sewage uphill )
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:14 am rating: 8
#13
bokky
Just looking at the second to last one: ok, so you can’t flush fish skeletons or eggshells, but what the hell are all those other things?
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:22 am rating: 2
#14
Canthz_B
These signs are all well and good, but what they should really post is the proper protocol for dealing with “floaters”.
How many flushes are enough before we’re square on that one?
My conscience is clear after two.
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:22 am rating: 5
#15
Pseudonym
I work in the management office for a commercial tower and I recall all too vividly a period of about six months in which a lady on one floor flushed a salad down the toilet every single day. It plugged every. single. time. Some people are insane in the membrane, baby.
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:32 am rating: 20
#16
bowloftoast
Well, #4 makes things pretty clear: Feces only or he’ll 6pocante your cop.
(I’m assuming that’s something dirty, but I assume a lot of things.)
Sep 30, 2009 at 2:33 am rating: 4
#17
kp
I have one. how do i submit?
KP
http://www.theopenconsultancy.com
Sep 30, 2009 at 4:11 am rating: 0
#18
felix
What kind of pipes can’t handle vomit?
What exactly are these people vomiting?
Sep 30, 2009 at 4:27 am rating: 22
#19
Katelyn
Wait, the toilets can handle solid turds but not vomit? Which is LIQUID? What the heck are these people vomiting?
Sep 30, 2009 at 4:31 am rating: 4
#20
Vlad the impaler
Aw, shit yeah y’all! THX Sandra is back!
Sep 30, 2009 at 4:44 am rating: 3
#21
Tina Ballerina
Why bother peeing in the toilet, when you can just use the trash can? Cut out the middle-man!!
THX,
SANDRA! (for opening my eyes)
Sep 30, 2009 at 5:13 am rating: 7
#22
Wade
Am I the only one who sees the marketing opportunity this problem presents?
Imagine a world where every toilet is equipped with a flux (or flush) capacitor. Clogs and the energy crisis would be a thing of the past.
The only downside would be drying up a rich source of passive-aggressive notes.
Sep 30, 2009 at 5:56 am rating: 8
#23
Woman on the Verge
I once had a tank with 10 fish. I moved for the summer and my neighbor tossed in those vacation feeder things once a week. When I returned, there was flowing moss and only 2 survivors. While I was cleaning the tank, they committed suicide by jumping out of the sherbet container on the counter. When I went to flush them, the little black one started swimming. Against the current. I was pretty sure he was a serial killer and possessed by the devil as I had found no other remains in the tank so I kept flushing. It took 4 flushes to get rid of him. I figured that was easier and cheaper than exorcism.
Sep 30, 2009 at 6:26 am rating: 54
#24
Woman on the Verge
Does this mean I can still flush my mutant, two-headed opossum roadkill?
Sep 30, 2009 at 6:26 am rating: 6
#25
Woman on the Verge
So, what is the “THROW UP” really? I mean, the quotation marks indicate that it might be something else… something sinister… maybe it’s some sort of code that only bulimics can decipher…
Sep 30, 2009 at 6:29 am rating: 8
#26
DarianNox
Maybe by “throw up” they mean “Please stop flushing your aborted fetuses you skanks”? Just a thought…
Sep 30, 2009 at 7:22 am rating: 7
#27
Dagny
I think that more “FECES ONLY!!!” signs should be placed everywhere. Think about it.
Sep 30, 2009 at 7:27 am rating: 6
#28
Meesh
There are WAY more than 5 reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber.
Sep 30, 2009 at 7:31 am rating: 9
#29
Joe Mama
If I *really* want to flush some of these things (like canvas, pesticides, wood, etc), then is it cool if I *eat* them and then poop them out into the toilet?
Sep 30, 2009 at 7:53 am rating: 9
#30
unholyghost2003
Why can’t I flush pet wastes? I promise you my dog’s turds are smaller than my husband’s.
Sep 30, 2009 at 8:04 am rating: 18
#31
GhostWriter
OK guys, I finally scrubbed down the toilet, but we’ve still got a problem – I’m not allowed to flush the soap.
Sep 30, 2009 at 8:40 am rating: 12
#32
adnoxious
Reason #1 to become a plumber: You get to make AWESOME signs.
Als0- does “Feces Only” mean you can’t pee in the toilet?
Sep 30, 2009 at 8:49 am rating: 3
#33
imo®
So I guess running my roommate through a wood chipper and flushing them away isn’t going to work?
Sep 30, 2009 at 8:51 am rating: 0
#34
GhostWriter
I normally oppose five notes together, but this series is simply masterful. Just the right length, and the last two pieces are chock-full of mysterious tidbits and warm memories.
Sorta like my last poop.
Sep 30, 2009 at 8:56 am rating: 10
#35
jjdonkey
I guess what concerns me the most is the Dentist Clip Art used for the “No Bulimia” Poster. Was she looking for “CLIP ART WITH AN OPEN MOUTH” or “THINGS IN THE MOUTH THAT COULD MAKE YOU GAG”.? I’m lost.
Clip art is serious business.
Sep 30, 2009 at 9:09 am rating: 9
#36
artie
Those are 5 reasons to be glad you are a plumber…each one of them means easy money for 5 minutes of work.
Sep 30, 2009 at 9:34 am rating: 4
#37
Stream of bat's piss
Does that mean I can dump my cat and dog shit in the crapper that says ‘feces only?’
Sep 30, 2009 at 10:40 am rating: 2
#38
thirty six red
Cheese should be smeared on the nearest hotel lobby door- not flushed down the toilet. Try to remember this.
Sep 30, 2009 at 11:19 am rating: 4
#39
farcical aquatic ceremony
Is no one else concerned about the fact that this dentist has SO MANY barfing women in his office? Maybe he’s sticking that thingie* too far down everyone’s throats; I hate that.
(*I present to you a clear–ahem–opening for salaciousness)
Sep 30, 2009 at 11:23 am rating: 3
#40
Stream of bat's piss
Is that why I always feel so funny when the anesthetic wears off?
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:11 pm rating: 3
#41
Canthz_B
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you…don’t flush another.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:13 pm rating: 3
#42
Joshua
Is it just me, or are the passive aggressive notes that are posted on here getting less and less passive aggressive? I might just be jilted because I submitted an awesome example of passive aggressiveness in truest form and it has not been posted….or maybe I just don’t understand what passive aggressiveness actually is.
Sep 30, 2009 at 12:44 pm rating: 0
#43
Frankie
go here. Maybe that will help you understand Joshua…
Sep 30, 2009 at 1:01 pm rating: 2
#44
The Mayor of Bethville
Heavy cream, butter, AND cheese. Someone was clearly making Toilet Mac.
Sep 30, 2009 at 2:36 pm rating: 13
#45
The Commish
I don’t know about you, but my flushing-appropriate waste is a bigger job than my “throw up.” Maybe it’s ’cause I eat a lot of bran, and when I throw up I’m usually drunk and it’s just beer and vodka anyway.
Sep 30, 2009 at 6:22 pm rating: 2
#46
sexy_angelina
hahahah i love the dentist notes!
very funny!
Oct 1, 2009 at 3:53 am rating: 1
#47
Trish
Why the picture of the dentist on the note about throwing up?
Oct 1, 2009 at 9:13 am rating: 1
#48
Neeners
Hey novel idea- how bout just number one & two in the toilet?
They make these big round bins for other stuff so throw all your cheese, sticks and art supplies in there.
By the way if you could quit crapping in the big round bin and use the toilet please. Our trash bins just can’t handle that sort of ‘big job’.
Oct 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm rating: 3
#49
Iphy
The sad part is that people DO flush all sorts of stuff and nonsense down toilets other than their bodily wastes. My husband is a building engineer and is the unfortunate soul who has to deal with toilets clogged with bizarre objects. People think pipes are huge and can take anything; that’s absolutely not the case. The office building has found it necessary to post signs about the items that create the most nuisance – paper towels and sanitary napkins – because people attempt to flush them all the time.
Oct 3, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: 0
#50
bobby
Big Jobs like Throw Up is my favorite phrase of 2008.
Oct 5, 2009 at 12:29 pm rating: 1
#51 Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Please do not flush…anything. [...]
Sep 2, 2010 at 11:23 am rating: 0
#52 Diagnosis: Toilet (an exercise in psychoceramics) | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Five reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber [...]
Jan 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm rating: 0
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