Buy curtains. Please.

October 5th, 2009 · 162 comments

Writes Michael in Chicago: “Apparently, some of our neighbors had a problem with us being naked in our apartment.” Without knowing any other details of this situation, I’d have to say:

a) “Be more private with yourself” is a phrase I am going to try to work into future conversations whenever possible.

b) Michael, while I 100% support your right to bare all in your own home…curtains still might be a worthwhile investment.

problems with the nude

Meanwhile, Scott in Seattle found this note taped to the front door of his apartment building. “Needless to say,” Scott adds, the next time he saw the large bald man from the third floor in the building’s laundry room, “it was a touch awkward.”

i know you have shades...so don't masturbate in front of your windows!

related: get your “nozzle” off my “hose”

extra credit: man arrested for being naked in his own home [WTOP news]

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · Chicago · neighbors


162 responses so far ↓

  • #1   pony girl bang

    Yeah, nobody needs to see that.
    I used to have to remind my ex to close the blinds.
    I mean, the computer room faces the street!
    Yup, I sure can pick ‘em!

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:12 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Kelly

      I tried to remember to close them, I really did.

      I swear I’ve changed since you left. Can you please have that restraining order lifted? I wrote you a note with all the reasons why you should, using my blood — to show you how serious I am. Now if you’ll just tell me where you live, I can deliver it.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:03 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Critical Grass

      Oh, so PG was talking about you, Kelly?

      For aminute there I thought she was talking about m… a random ex that I don’t know.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Tamara

    A friend just moved into a new house. There are no curtains on the bathroom windows – and the glass is not frosted. She is pretty hot though, so I can’t imagine too many people in the neighbourhood will be complaining …

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:13 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   pony girl bang

      uh-oh.
      She better keep an eye out on YouTube and such..

      Oct 5, 2009 at 7:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   JetJackson

      She moved where exactly?

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:03 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Alyssa Myers

      She needs to watch out for peeping toms!!!

      Oct 5, 2009 at 9:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Canthz_B bang

      Tom Waits.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 9:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   bowloftoast bang

      …peeping nightly from the downtown train.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:41 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Sez

      Urgh, last summer was wearing a bikini top and skirt in my kitchen, the sun had just set and the windows were open to let in the breeze. Boyfriend went to close curtains and spotted a fat, middle aged peeping tom through the bushes between the window and laneway. Next day found a swingers magazine with a phone number on it in our yard. YUCK. Luckily we were moving a couple weeks later.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:01 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Canthz_B bang

      Why was Urgh in your kitchen?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:14 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Canthz_B bang

      I’m sorry, Tamara, but: “There are no curtains on the bathroom windows – and the glass is not frosted.”?

      How ’bout she put up some curtains if she wants her cookies to stay in the jar?
      Not exactly a “This Old House” project.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:21 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   Car RamRod

      I guess this a uniquely female problem. When I first moved out on my own when I was 17 and was working construction, I couldn’t afford curtains. I lived on a crowded NJ street across from a bar and right down the block from a train station. And on weekend mornings, any passerby who happened to be looking at my window had a chance of catching me doing the old naked stretch and greet the morning pose. I’m sure I ruined a few peoples’ day, but fuck em, don’t look in somebody’s window if you don’t like what you see.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   unholyghost2003 bang

      huh. At no point in my life have I ever been so destitute that I couldn’t afford a scrap of fabric to cover a window. You know Good Will and St. Vincent du Paul’s and other places like that sell curtains anywhere from $0.50 to $2.00.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Neeners

      Or better yet, do like white trash do and throw up a smelly old blanket or some tinfoil. Tinfoil looks very festive this time of year with the holiday lights flickering off of it. So classy!
      This way when the neighbors aim their binoculars over to watch said masturbation and get their rocks off, they get a kaleidoscope of color instead.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   yecch

      Wow. Canthz is STILL an idiot all these months later. Who knew?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   Canthz_B bang

      No one, so pipe down already! Only an idiot like me would think that putting up bathroom curtains might be a good idea. I mean, look at all of the idiots who have already done so! :-P

      *note to self: re-read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Internet Trolls”.*

      Oct 7, 2009 at 12:52 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   Snippy

      That glass will be frosted soon enough…
      from the outside. :twisted:

      Oct 7, 2009 at 4:32 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Eve

    I wonder if the person that wrote the first note showers with their bathing suit on? I get the whole needing curtains thing, but the ‘private with yourself’ phrase reeks of weird!

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:15 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   park rose bang

    But what will you call it? I think Claw’s is the albino python, and CB’s is the black mamba. Curious minds want to know.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Site Certificate

      If it has a penchant for partners with high self-esteem, you might wanna try Secure Socket Layer as a handle…

      But if you can see “it” and you know it’s alone, how can you hook up with it, since it’s hard for two to tango when “A network cable is unplugged”

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   qunicy mccarthy

      a note was left in the grid, perhaps. you need to show ‘messages from everyone’.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 4:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   FG

    The ‘be private with yourself’ thing reeks of not being able to speak English.

    It’s the ‘it’ at the end of the last sentence that does ‘it’ for me….lo siento….

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   zombieBlanco bang

    Quite often when I’m ‘private with myself’, the neighbors threaten to call the police. Apparently our city has a noise variance law thingie.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:20 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   pony girl bang

      I used to share a duplex with a couple. They used to get SO embarrassed when I was ‘private with myself’ especially if they had friends over.
      I never really understood what the big deal was, because they were SO loud. Jeez, I used to want a cigarette when they were finished!
      But I guess, they felt it was okay to be loud when there are 2 people involved. But not when one is being private with themself…and there is a roomful of people in the living room watching a UT game.
      but, come on, it was early, I didn’t know we had company. Until I went out to take a shower.
      I didn’t stay to watch the game.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 7:54 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Geek Goddess

      I used to want a cigarette when they were finished!

      *is awed at pony’s mastery of words*

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:21 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   pony girl

      GG,
      Can I put that on my resume?

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Protection Inc.

      You might want to laminate that page to avoid precipitous consequences…

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   imo® bang

      * lights up a dogend*
      ♥ zB ♥ Pony girl ♥

      Oct 6, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      imo, were you being private with yourself with out me again? Que bruto.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   T imo®

      Aw Dulcita I thought you’ve left me!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I was looking for you up in the neighborhood with the curtainless non-frosted windows. Que piensas?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   imo® bang

      I was not thinking mi amor! Like Tom Bodel I’ll leave the light on for you.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Not the red one tonight , mi amor, I am too tired.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   imo® bang

      Roxanne no tiene que poner en la luz roja. Usted no tiene que vender su cuerpo a la noche.
      Te amaré por siempre.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ay Papi, nail that lace table cloth Tia Berta gave us up over the window , and let’s see what comes up… :oops:

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   imo® bang

      MWahahahahahahahahahahahaha! :twisted:

      :oops: :grin:

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.14   pony girl bang

      oh my, looks like I’m going to need a cigarette

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   ghostbuck

    What I find interesting is that these people writing notes seem to be unable to control their own peeping behavior. I mean, is someone forcing them to stand in their window and watch a neighbor? Do they not have curtains themselves? Why are they so obsessed with watching what others are doing in their apartments to the degree they need the other person to take action to break their behavior? Hmmm….

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   pony girl bang

      See, I just quickly look away if I see something like that. Or I go make some popcorn and pull up a chair.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 7:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   jenocide

      seriously. I like natural light, but I also like being naked. If I ever received a note of this nature I’d probably just start wearing nipple tassels and a gorilla mask and do lunges in front of my window. If they’re going to continue to look into my house despite being offended by the sight of my nude body, I might as well make it interesting.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 102  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   pony girl bang

      See, that’s why I have blinds out front, but not in the back.
      I don’t have to worry about assorted strangers , solicitors, deliverymen and the children across the street seeing me naked, yet I still get lots of natural light from the south side of the house, and a more intimate relationship with my neighbors out back. No surprises. They either look or they don’t.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   TheOldSchool

      Walking around nude in places where others can see you is great if you’ve got a body that turns heads.

      Not so great if you’ve got a body that turns stomachs.

      Yes, Mother. I’m talking to you.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 9:00 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   pony girl

      ghostbuck,
      The devil made them do it.
      He’s promising frozen treats for all who peep.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Evil Good Humor for the Hot & the Bothered

      Yeah, if you can’t turn away or if you just like to watch but then write a PAN afterward to try to pull some wool over your own eyes (or wood), then the Devil has a super-cool treat for you…Peepsicles.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I’m on team notewriters with this one. Maybe all of you who want to frolic naked in front of your windows are thinking that everyone in the world has a ‘view’ other than the apartment across the way…If you’re stuck in a crappy domicile from which you can see–at most–a sliver of sky, but are otherwise limited to a view of a wall of your neighbors’ windows, you feel you have little personal space as it is. There’s nothing wrong with nudity or solo sexy frolicing, but when your neighbors’ only ‘view’ is the wall with your windows in it, know that you’re shoving your nudity and frolicing into their personal space.

      Just sayin’.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 8:34 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   imo® bang

      Nipple tassles and lion king masks for all!!!
      I prefer deep knee bends and aft facing toe touches to give them all the hairy “O”.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 8:45 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   moistened bint

      I agree with f.a.c. – and I want to know how they got to be king? I didn’t vote for them!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   Andi

      When you’re on the ground floor and it’s dark outside and all the lights are on inside….well, it’s kinda hard not to notice.

      Curtains are cheap…that misdemeanor won’t be though. I heard a guy got arrested for this exact thing last week.

      Oct 24, 2009 at 7:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Critical Grass

    Be more private with yourself, stop looking into your neighbor’s apartment.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   pony girl bang

      or buy a web cam, set up a website, make loads of money, and move into a nicer neighborhood where you can’t see into your neighbors’ houses.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Critical Grass

      Yeah, but keep the apartment in the old nighbohood and make money by broadcasting the “neighbor’s privates” on the internet.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Dance with the Ones What Brung Ya

      Definitely maintain the old digs cause when your job is what some call dirty business, you need to stay in touch with your roots.

      P.S. I thought @ #8.1 PG’s business plan WAS broadcasting the neighbors. Might have misread that.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   BT

    Nothing says “I love my child” more than giving them 3-inch pointy sideburns. Or, it’s a terrible Halloween costume.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl bang

      Maybe the dad is a Spock fan.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 7:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Geek Goddess

      I want to know what the child in the picture in the magnet/frame has to do with that note.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   pony girl bang

      GG
      Because it’s all about the children.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   T

    I used to live in an apartment complex where the garden apartment (the one right on the ground level by the staircase to the lobby) had a nudist Russian guy (not that that matters) who would use the toilet naked and with the bathroom door open. The “window” was actually a 10 foot wide sliding glass door that had a view into the whole apartment, aside from the bedroom. Every apartment was equipped with vertical blinds, so I know he could have closed them if he’d wanted to, but i guess he enjoyed people accidentally seeing him taking a shit. Needless to say, I learned real fast to look away from the light when coming home at night.

    I’m all for nudists, really I am. But for fucks sake, at least close the door when you’re on the toilet. Nobody needs to see that. And I was only 18 at the time. Just a child, really.

    My poor pure eyes…

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Geek Goddess

      nudist Russian guy

      *not that there’s anything wrong with that*

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:25 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   TheOldSchool

      It’s not just Russian men.

      Dogs, too.

      Very “out there” when it comes to bodily functions.

      At least take it into the bushes. It’s not asking too much.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   TheOldSchool

      @T,

      re: your poor pure eyes.

      Are you suggesting they were damaged by fecal mist?

      How far does this insidious menace travel?

      How infectious is it?

      Surely there must be a way to mollify this lusus naturae before it destroys us?!

      Somebody! Do something! I need my eyes to see!

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   ASPCA

      We may have seen too much shit to save our own eyes…
      but we must do it for the puppies and kittens…

      Oct 5, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   bowloftoast bang

      That Jackson Browne song is suddenly making a lot more sense.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 2:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Canthz_B bang

      Rich eyes fare much better than poor eyes…just don’t cross them or they get evil, and no one wants to confront an evil eye.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   um

      huh?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   KV

    If you leave your windows bare and then bare all, you WANT to be seen. What a terrible neighbor the nudist is! It’s different if someone would have to go out of their way to see into your window, but if it’s open for everybody to see, that’s just gross. Some people do like to keep an air of mystery about their neighbors’ genitals.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:46 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Geek Goddess

      As opposed to keeping a lot of air about their neighbor’s genitals.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:26 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   TheOldSchool

      When I lived in Manhattan a few years ago, there was a couple across the courtyard from me that had no curtains or blinds. He looked like a young Sam Shepherd. She looked like Jessica Lange. They were constantly nude

      One way of describing their domestic life would be to say that they seemed to be relentlessly seeking new ways to calm the fitful storms of their raging libidos.

      Another would be to say: they fucked all the time.

      I only had three minor complaints. 1. They never invited me to join them. 2. I developed a slight crimp in my neck from the need I felt to keep constantly apprised of their lives, while vaguely trying to live my own. 3. They left the building four months before I did.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:36 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   G

      “you WANT to be seen”

      Or you just don’t care. Let other people worry about their own hangups.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 9:53 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    I CLOSED MY SHA – oh, wait…I’m not large or bald!
    Never mind. :oops:

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Critical Grass

      Yeah… Too late. Everybody saw that.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, didn’t mean to scare anyone. Give me a minute to gather it all back in. :-P

      Oct 6, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Yes , I saw that CB…I had to cut down a neighbor’s tree and a small hole in the shrubbery, and fire up the old telephoto…

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   TheOldSchool

      CB,

      We seem to share a similiar predictament.

      When will the bone-heads in the trouser industry start providing built-in reels.

      Erectile-strength tie-downs and a supply of tranquilizer darts would be nice, too/

      Oct 6, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Well...

      …if you’re not large or “balled” there shouldn’t be much to reel in. Just sayin’ is all.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Amber

    Good luck calling the police, neighbor #1. I tried that when I noticed a guy in the hotel across the alley naked, masturbating, and filming my dormitory. When I called the police, their response was “yeah well, he can do whatever he wants in his hotel room.”

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   pony girl bang

      Y’all should film him then. and post it on the internet. Out him.

      Ok, eew. There’s an actual website where mostly women, I presume, post pics of guys who flash themselves in public, in an attempt to shame them I guess.
      I can’t find it. Instead I found a bunch of creepy porn sites.

      ps- Tamara, your friend may want to invest in some curtains, like quick!

      i need to shower and watch Mary Poppins now.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   JetJackson

      Speaking of bizarre websites… I found this one thismorning…

      http://www.whitespeedos.com/

      Apparently… ‘A place for guys who love speedos to share pics and stories of their fun times in speedos.’

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   TheOldSchool

      JJ, How did you “find” this site? Something pop up?

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   JetJackson

      I have put much time into my response and how I can justify finding the website and I think I will have to settle for the tried and tested;

      “It’s a long story!”

      Oct 5, 2009 at 9:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   TheOldSchool

      Jet, that answer was honest and succinct. Well-played.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   leftfoot

      stumbleupon is an evil mistress

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   leftfoot

      WAIT.. I saw penis in ass on that whitespeedos site with no speedos to speak of.. not even white ones.

      I honestly wasn’t expecting gay anal sex, but in retrospect, I probably should have been.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   cheeky

      “There’s an actual website where mostly women, I presume, post pics of guys who flash themselves in public, in an attempt to shame them I guess.”

      Am I the only one who thinks that posting pictures of guys who flash themselves is not so much an act of shaming them as it is doing their work for them?? I mean these guys want you to see their junk. By posting it on the internet you’re just expanding their viewer base!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 5:38 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   BrookeDiz

      I’m back after way more than a few minutes on Jet’s Speedo site. Somehow I don’t think it was meant for a granny, but, er… I sure enjoyed myself there.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Narwhal

    I can’t wait until I get a note that says, “To the girl on the third floor, can you please stop peeing out of your window when you are drunk, I can see your snatch.”

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:05 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   pony girl bang

      Wow, you can pee out of a window?
      See, this may be why my ex was cheating on me.
      Y’all can do so much more with your pussies than I can.
      Y’all can make them talk and pee out windows, and sometimes y’all dress them up like tacos according to a few posts.

      Guess I have a lot to learn.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   zenvelo

    hey, maybe Michael and the bald guy should spend a weekend in New York!

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704471504574442872685579850.html

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   GK bang

      Ugh, that URL is obscene. I guess they were going for the easily-memorizable approach?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 6:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   leftfoot

    You know, if you don’t like the show, close your own damn blinds or buy yourself some of your own damn curtains.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   JetJackson

      He is a loathsome, offensive brute. Yet I can’t look away.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   TheOldSchool

      Jet, don’t be so hard on the speedo dudes. Some of them look rather sporting, in a jaunty sort of rakish cad-like way.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   marky not mark

    Or, as Tom Waits sang about dating himself “I’m not weird about it or anything, I don’t tie myself up first.”

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   pony girl bang

    hehe

    a touch awkward.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   anglophile bang

    The least the guy on the third floor could do is buy a toupee. No one needs to see that.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   TheOldSchool

      Oh yeah … for his top head.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Kelly

      Buying a toupee for his other head would at least win him some points for creativity, I assume.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Mark bang

      A merkin FTW.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   TheOldSchool

      Mark, we don’t know for certain his nationality.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   luica

    i think the website ponygirl is talking about is “why women hate men”
    its funny yet disturbing stuff that they got there

    Oct 5, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Critical Grass

    It’s not that offensive. “If you weren’t so defensive it wouldn’t be. You’re so sensitive.”

    Oct 5, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    At least the guy is a hard worker.
    A real hands-on type.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Cor! I just read that so wrong.. hands worker and a real hard on type…this post is corrupting me.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Critical Grass

      Yeah… Blame it on the post.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Geek Goddess

      Or the postman, whom(sic) always rings twice.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I could blame the rain, against my window.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Critical Grass

      Only if your let you blinds open, though…

      Oct 6, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    How much more private can one be with oneself than when communing with his privates?

    You’ve eyelids…use them!

    Oct 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   TheOldSchool

      CB, I love that you used “you’ve,” instead of “you have.”

      It’s more Hollywood.

      I’ll try to remember it as a retort when, in the future, let’s say that perhaps I am intoxicated and causing some sort of an exhibitionistic scene before mother and her snooty friends.

      No! It’s much too delightful a line to just sit back and wait for an opportunity that may never come. I must act! Tonight!

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Provoke Manifest Destiny!

      @ Ex-Manhattanite,

      Yes, that “you’ve” without the customary adverb or plain vanilla “been…” helper verb lends a certain frisson, dudn’t it?

      But, before it sweeps you along on a tsunami of immoderate immediacy, striving to become the new Bernard Goetz of Exposition, Uncontested King of the Savage Comeback Line (Randy Flash and Smash Division), remember that some of your target demographic, like those dowagers sipping cocktails with your mother, may have verbal derringers in their purses that they have been saving up for just one such as your majesty.

      One used by an old friend, who, upon being flashed by the archetypical raincoated specimen emerging from the nearby bushes, turned to her companion and remarked loudly, “Oh, Bernice, look! It seems a lot like a penis, only so very much smaller!”

      If you act tonight, behind open windows and closed doors may be safer. One shot like that “Oh, Bernice…” out in public and you’ll always have the voice of Howard Cosell reverberating in your head, yelling the infamous, “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!”

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Canthz_B bang

      Mrs. Frazier was quite fond of using that line.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Melvin & Howard

      CB,

      WAS fond of using it?

      Did she give up Smokin’ Joe too?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Canthz_B bang

      I think it pretty much ruined the mood for him after the Foreman fight, and she knew which side her taco was dressed on. ;-)

      Oct 6, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   octavius

    I wonder what version of Windows the baldy wanker is running. He should get a dirty Mac and Flash.

    Oct 5, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   TheOldSchool

      O, dude…. You gotta twitter your decidedly non pc observation.

      Oct 5, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Critical Grass

    The neighbor likes to show how good he is with his dick beaters…

    Oct 5, 2009 at 10:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   bowloftoast bang

    I’m not one to quash anyone’s right to go bare in the ‘privacy’ of their own home, but these folks seem to belong in the same category as those who pick their nose and eat it in their car…on the highway….in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
    For the love of god, pack a lunch.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Kou

    Oh man, if someone threatened to call the cops on me because they were looking in my window and saw me naked I would HAVE to call their bluff. If the cops even came out (which I doubt they would) I would just love to answer the door fully clothed and, after hearing why they were there, ask how I could go about filing a complaint against my peeping neighbor.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 2:57 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    Caller: Officer, I can see a naked man in his apartment through his window. Can you send a car?

    Desk Sergeant: No, Ma’am…we’re not into that sort of thing.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 3:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   GK bang

      Through his widow? So the caller is perceiving the dead (naked) man’s spirit via the psychic medium of his beloved? Because I don’t think the police have jurisdiction over the afterlife.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 7:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, they’re not into that either! LOL

      Oct 6, 2009 at 8:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   GK bang

      Hey, no fair correcting typos after I’ve riffed them!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Canthz_B bang

      In a gesture of goodwill, I’ll leave “widow” at least until the next note! ;-)

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Wade bang

    When the large bald man on the third floor goes to the hardware store to buy shades, I wonder if he will have the presence of mind to also buy a drywall repair kit.

    Because ceiling cat is watching too.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 5:30 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   aaa bang

      “An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.”

      - Genesis 1:22, LOLCat Bible

      Except he is that kind of kitty, isn’t he? Or maybe it doesn’t count if you’re just sexing up your own hand.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   adnoxious

    Please be private with your staring into my window while I masturbate.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 7:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Canthz_B bang

      “Beats” staring at your adnoxious links. :roll:

      POST NO BILLS

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:01 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Stupid is...

      …as Canthz does.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   Canthz_B bang

      “Canthz” posts on this site…and you have too, therefore, Stupid is…is stupid.

      Do the math before you post, Sparky. ;-)

      Oct 7, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   GK bang

      Interestingly he seems to remove the “signature” link after we comment on him, but only on a case-by-case basis; next time he posts, it’s up there again. It’s classic marketdroid psychology of course, an inability to comprehend that one’s adverts are not wanted. Bring it on!

      Oct 7, 2009 at 4:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   Canthz_B bang

      He also must not understand that he has already created a link using his moniker and that including one in the comment section is redundant is redundant is redundant is redundant.

      Oct 7, 2009 at 9:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   scattywah

    I bet my neighbors really wish I had a curtain in my kitchen window.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   mystic_eye_cda

    I’d love to be the 911 operator on that call, seriously.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   aaa bang

    Two years ago, there was this nerdy guy who lived in one of the dorms on campus. Evidently this guy was fond of masturbating. With the blinds open. In his room on the first floor. So of course somebody sees him and tells everyone, who then tell everyone else and thus dubbed this dude “Masturbation Boy.” Supposedly somebody even wrote “Stop masturbating!” in permanent marker on the dry erase board outside his dorm room.

    TRUE STORY.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Critical Grass

      And how did that make you feel, aaa?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   aaa bang

      I have no feelings. D:<

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Critical Grass

      Aw… Because of a certain traumatic situation or is it congenital?

      Oct 6, 2009 at 3:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   TheOldSchool

      The irony is that this chap was quite likely not the only masturbator on campus.

      Chances are good that there were at least a couple more of these creeps … touching themselves. *shudder*

      You’ve gotta find ‘em, shine a light on ‘em, and rat ‘em out!

      Yet, it is the voyeur who somehow gets turned into the bad guy. It’s insane. It really is.

      Damn it! Voyeurs are America’s first responders! Unpaid volunteers….

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.5   Canthz_B bang

      So much righteous indignation on a college campus over masturbation?

      I bet if they had their dorm rooms searched the way convicts’ cells are searched, more than a few vibrators would turn up.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.6   aaa bang

      People didn’t mind that the guy masturbated. It’s that he seemed to think everyone wanted to see him doing it.

      Besides, I go to a Jesuit university. Officially, masturbation is TEH WORK OFFF TEH DEVUL!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.7   pony girl

      They can have my vibrator when the pry it out of my cold, dead, sticky hand!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.8   Critical Grass

      Aw… That’s ok. You can keep it, dear.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 10:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.9   pony girl bang

      Thanks Critical Grass,
      I have formed a deep relationship with it.

      Oct 7, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.10   pony girl

      Apparently, congratulations are in order.
      From Overheard in New York:

      Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

      –Bryant Park

      Nov 5, 2009 at 6:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   T.U.M.

    Is Ugly Naked Guy dead, or just asleep? Better fetch the Giant Poking Device.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 1:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   aaa bang

    Michael in Chicago seems to forget that others aren’t quite as enamored with his body as he is…

    Oct 6, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   TenThousand

    Haha, my peeping tom neighbor finally moved out. I miss him, though… I always acted shocked and disgusted, but I actually loved it when he watched me shower. :D At least, it made my showers longer and porn-ier. Now it’s some lady living there and I’m probably going to paint kittens or something on my window.

    Oct 6, 2009 at 3:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Kyle

    I think this is a supreme court case. If I remember correctly, its none of the neighbors business what a person does in their own home, exposed or not. However, I think the case was concerning plain nudity, not the beat skeet express. I wonder what Sotomayor would rule?

    Oct 6, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Germasidle

    Ya, that’s pretty nasty (bet they wouldn’t be complaining if the person was hot- male, or female) but why not just look the other way?

    You peek out the window, and “oh lame, the dude’s taking care of bizness in front of the window…think I’ll shut my shades”. Problem solved, yes?

    Oct 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   mamason bang

    If I see It… I will call It. I will call It Squishy and It will be my friend and… ewww… It spit on me! Bad Squishy!

    Oct 6, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   pony girl bang

      Bad Squishy!

      Squishy needs a time out.

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   Critical Grass

      You know what?! NO SQUISHY FOR YOU!

      Oct 6, 2009 at 9:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Guy Smiley

    Used to have a GF who lived in a highrise. In the high rise next door (separated by a small park), there was a couple that used to go at it every Saturday morning, windows open to the world. So much so that I got to know their sexual likes and dislikes (as in, she didn’t want to be touched while she was giving a BJ). After they were done, the woman would stand in the window and gaze out at the world. Naked, of course. Pretty sure they got off on being watched. I guess everyone else in our building could see them to and some folks apparently didn’t like it. Not too long after they had blue blinds installed. Boo. Not so “boo” is the fat guy in my building (across from me) who occasionally gets up early in the morning and masturbates in his bathroom window. Saw him several times when I got up early to do laundry. And then later in the lobby talking to the front desk man.

    Oct 7, 2009 at 9:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      Well, masturbating in his bathroom is one thing, masturbating in the lobby while talking to the front desk man? That is just not cool.

      Oct 7, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   MM

    I love walking around my house naked, cuz…It’s my fucking house! Goes the same for the back yard. Americans need to grow the fuck up. Eww a penis! *cry*

    Oct 7, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   MM

    And why am I the only one that thinks people gawking in your windows and then bitching about what you do in YOUR house is not ok?

    Oct 7, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   mrj

    Really people? If i am in my own house I can do what i like. You shouldn’t be looking in my windows anyway!!! Why are you looking in my house? Really?

    Oct 7, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Scott

    Reminds me of an apartment in Minneapolis where I had to tape up newspaper and aluminum foil in the windows. Well, that’s because I was working the graveyard shift and had lots of trouble sleeping during the day. I’ve never been one to jerk off in front of the windows.

    Oct 7, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Fiona

    I have curtains. I just don’t always choose to use them ;)

    Oct 12, 2009 at 5:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Emy Lee bang

    My ex bf had no curtains in his house and was always walking around nude and would get dressed in front of the side window facing the neighbors drive. He was a cop in a small town and if anyone ever called in about it he didnt worry cuz he was the one most likely answering the phone.

    Oct 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Be more private with yourself [...]

    Jul 12, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   I have a problem with your window manners | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Be more private with yourself! TweetShare2mail [...]

    Mar 21, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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