There’s a Nigerian prince I can put you in touch with for more information…

October 9th, 2009 · 156 comments

Office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

The “helpful” (yet oh-so-devious) all-staff e-mail sent by the victim:

office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

And — I shit you not — the response:

office lunch thieves: always despicable, and in this case — gullible, too.

related: lean cuisine

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · Columbus · food · office fridge · oh snap


156 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Fresca

    Well, at least the “stealer” is apologetic….though who knows why she (wild guess) chose to express that by replying to all.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   kmd

      @Fresca — the thief didn’t need to reply to all, she (obviously she) simply would have had to reply to the original author, who submitted to PAN.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   patty cake

    That lean cuisine was f*cking delicious.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:13 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   biteme

      maybe that’s the new Lean Cuisine marketing angle…with the price of the meal comes an undercover “co-worker” who steals your lunch, thereby making it TRULY “Lean”..as in..zero calories/fat/carbs…blah blah blah….

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   TheOldSchool

      Look at you. You hate yourself. You wanna let everyone know it, but you don’t want to endure the pain of cutting your skin. You’re thinking there’s just got to be a better way.

      Well, loser, it may not be better, but it’s more convenient.

      Frozen microwaved panini: The bloodless alternative to cutting.

      (You’ll find it in your store’s “Self Loathing” section.)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   park rose

      The first paper cut is the deepest.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Mr Holly

    umm they were recalled because of the spinich e-coli outbreak not because they were hairy

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   pony girl

      I’m a bit confused about this whole spinach e-coli thing.

      How does one even get pooh all over their spinach.

      I have a garden, and I’ve yet to find pooh on any of my herbs & veggies.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   erm

      @pony girl: fertilizer=”pooh”

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:24 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   ninjadropkick

      This may be news to you but

      Fertilizer = poo

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:25 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   pony girl bang

      oh, well, see I use pond scum and fish pooh. (which doesn’t count as pooh. shut up! it does not!)
      Besides, my grandma used pooh as fertilizer, but never fresh. She said it would burn the plants.
      She used to throw it into a compost pile to ferment it. She never had any problems with e-coli.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Freudian Steppe

      Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
      How does your garden grow?
      With silver bells, and cockle shells,
      And pretty maids all in a row.

      All this but no Pooh?
      Hmmm….
      You seem to haff an anal-retentive garden, no ?

      When did you first realize that your garden was not like all the others?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:33 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   bowloftoast bang

      PG: I’m sure your Grandma’s poo was low in nitrogen and salts as a result of her balanced diet, drying it to prevent burning the plants probably wasn’t necessary.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Commenter

      My grandmother used to empty her outdoor toilet directly onto the garden.

      The veg still grow well even though the toilet’s been indoors for 30 yrs now.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   bowloftoast bang

      Um, wow. I give up on this thread already.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:20 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   GK bang

      Let’s review. If you leave your toilet lid up while flushing, fecal mist particles fly up and home in on your toothbrush. If there is none to be found, they zoom through the house looking for a lemon. If they still can’t find something to look for, they head into the garden to see if you have any spinach plants.

      I think we’ve improved the state of the world’s knowledge today!

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   Renagade676

      PG:

      poo: comes out of the nether ends of humans and animals.

      pooh: Winnie the Pooh.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:55 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   pony girl bang

      You’re right.
      Poo, short for poop.
      Don’t know why I spelled it that way. I usually don’t.
      I was almost asleep when I posted though.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   Critical Grass

      Pooping Pooh?

      http://living.morethan.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/files/2008/11/pooh.jpg

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.13   imo® bang

      Beware of the Midnight Manure Marauder! Pasting potent potfuls of poo on plants.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.14   farcical aquatic ceremony

      @ Commenter: please tell me that you never fail to tell that grandmother poo story to guests right after they finish eating salad made from veggies from your garden??? Awesome.

      (I’d encourage you to gather up the resulting barf to fertilize stuff, but I’m guessing that bile would definitely burn your plants down to the ground.)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.15   mamason bang

      Fertilizer = sanitized poo

      E-coli on the spinich = migrant workers taking a dump in the fields.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.16   pony girl bang

      spinach in poo(h)
      spinach in poo(h),
      lovely li’l panini all stuffed with fluff,
      it’s spinach in poo(h)
      spinach in poo(h)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.17   pony girl bang

      One of y’all will have to finish that song for me, because I’m going back to bed.

      Thx,
      pony girl

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.18   The Commish

      You’d take a shit in “Da Man’s” spinach, too, if you were treated like a migrant farm worker.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.19   Henry

      Uh-huh. Lean cuisine not recalled until 11-08, yet this psychic knew about it a full seven months ahead of time! Not only that, the recalled units hadn’t even been manufactured by then! And the one that was stolen was already expired! That meant it was manufactured what, two years before? Liar Liar Liar. No way it was all coincidentally expired, recalled and hairy. *&#^_$.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.20   anglophile bang

      You mean to say you think the writer of the first note was lying, Henry? Wow. I never would have suspected that.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 7:37 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.21   Renagade676

      If you beat both Poo(h)s with a stick, they both look the same, anyways.

      Oct 12, 2009 at 3:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   pony girl

    It’s the new line of Lean Cuisine.
    Eat it, and purge 30 minutes later, and 30 minutes later, and 30 minutes later, and 30 minutes later…..

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:15 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Megan

    Maybe the Lean Cuisine was recalled because it contained tapeworms. In that case, I guess it’d be an ultra, ultra, ultra-Lean Cuisine.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   becstar

    So THAT’S how you get someone to ‘fess up to lunch theft – imply the need for medical attention. I like it a lot. Bags using this scam!

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   pony girl

    What is a discount food store?
    ‘cuz a food version of the dollar store sounds pretty scary.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:18 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Lauren

      Aldi.

      but it’s actually pretty good.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Melissa

      Yes, let’s not imply that Aldi sells expired food.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Watchtower bang

      Some discount food stores are better than others. Just be sure that the can is actually dog food. Just because it has a dog on the label doesn’t always mean what you think.
      I’m just sayin’ is all…

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:09 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   GK bang

      I thought this baby food looked a strange shade of green! Thanks for the tip!

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:29 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   pony girl bang

      It’s a cookbook! It’s a cookbook!
      To serve man.
      Don’t know why, but the dog on the label reminded me of that.
      I think I’ll go back to bed now.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Critical Grass

      Back to bed? You’re the lucky one, PG.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Woman on the Verge bang

      pg, had to thumb ya for the Twilight Zone reference. Now go to bed, hon…

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Canthz_B bang

      It made me think of:

      “It’s people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They’re making our food out of people. Next thing they’ll be breeding us like cattle for food. You’ve gotta tell them. You’ve gotta tell them!”

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Nacho Nacho Man

    Looks like only the original email went out to “all” in Columbus.

    Think the stealer replied directly to the originator.

    This work environment needs to pitch in and buy a couple of Sharpies so folks can sign their food.

    If I worked there, though, I’m pretty sure I’d be first in line down at the roach coach with correct change ready for a chili dog with cheesey fries.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   erm

    @pony girl: fertilizer=”pooh”

    Oct 9, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl bang

      Winnie is not amused.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Freudian Steppe

      It is not unusual that Winnie is conflicted about things related to pooh.

      But, he is on the verge of making a breakthrough in the obsessive paranoia and body-image issues rooted in an alternate persona known as SlewFoot.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   pony girl bang

      Isn’t it Piglet with the body-image issues? Always complaining about being a very small animal.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Watchtower bang

      Piglet should remember the children’s rhyme chanted at the hopscotch court. “It’s not the size of the boat….”

      or is that just lies?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   biteme

      watchtower: yes. Lies.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Freudian Steppe

      Diagnostic Notes from session with Johnny Horton (09/28/59)

      “Well he’s big around the middle and broad across the rump…
      Some say the bear looks a lot like me!”

      Body issues to be explored. (Am I fat?)
      Check for correlation with sessions with Rufus.
      Clear self-identification with honey-obsessed bear.
      Winnie the Pooh?
      Or Japanese honey buckets?
      Either association indicates infantile, but honey bucket more disturbing.
      Explore in next session (but be sure Horton washes hands…you never know Who he’s been associating with).

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   GiggidyGiggidy

    If you can’t take the time to mark your lunches then don’t complain about people stealing, or say that “lunches get insanely confused” – apparently, people in this office are going crazy due to the working conditions and eating other people’s food. Mass hysteria, I tell you!

    Oct 9, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   It's Countrywide, I Tell Ya

      Hey, folks in Columbus lost most of the equity in their homes.

      Any surprise that there’s very little fairness in the lunchroom ?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Watchtower bang

      Navigating one’s way through the office fridge is a difficult and daunting task full of intrigue, vulnerability and can sometimes start ill-fated love triangles.
      No wonder the lunches can get “insanely confused.” In this day and age you need a full time assistant to manage tasks like the 12 o’clock feeding for you.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Swing-line Cuisines

      Watch out for those after-work Lean Cuisine “mix-n-match” parties.

      You never know what nasty, hairy diseases you’re gonna catch.

      You could even wind up with an STD, too !

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   mamason bang

      Watchtower… Eating an expired and recalled Lean Cuisine can lead one to “fart ill-stated love triangles.”

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Canthz_B bang

      Also, to regurgitate to no extent.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   GK bang

    I love the “Maybe moving.” bit, that was a beautiful touch. Even claw might hesitate for a second or two (before shrugging and stuffing it into his voluminous maw anyway).

    Oct 9, 2009 at 3:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   mamason bang

      Did you just call Claw’s mom fat?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      What you got to look out for is Claw’s paw.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   pony girl

    why does the subject line read SPAM, stolen lunch.
    Does Lean Cuisine make a SPAM meal?

    Oct 9, 2009 at 3:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   mamason bang

      Only in Hawaii.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   pony girl

    I highly doubt that medical attention would be required.
    First of all, those things are mostly preservatives. Secondly they’re frozen; that has to kill most of the naughty bits. And then, they get zapped in the microwave, which would kill the rest of the naughty bits, wouldn’t it?

    Or at the very least, change their molecular structure (according to some of my tinfoil hat friends.)

    ps
    I know, horrible grammar and punctuation.
    Please feel free to show me the error of my ways.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 4:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   ...

      The person who sent the e-mail wasn’t serious…

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   GK bang

      Freezing food generally slows or paralyses the “naughty bits”, but they’ll get right back to work once they warm up. Some are even quite happy in the cold. I once found some pineapple in the back of the freezer that had been there for some time (I can’t even remember why it was put there in the first place). It had acquired a fashionable, if oddly-coloured, fur coat.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Dagny

      DK,

      That fur coat was only a protective sheath.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Critical Grass

      …, are you?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Ray!

      But why would eat something that killed off your naughty bits?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:01 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   farcical aquatic ceremony

      @ GK: “Paralyzed Naughty Bits”, great name for a band, eh?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   mamason bang

      I never freeze my naughty bits. Well, once while skiing but that was completely unintentional.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   Canthz_B bang

      mamason, show me your naughty bits, and I’ll send you some naughty bytes! :twisted:

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Geek Goddess

      The person who sent this email was indeed serious.
      Deadly serious …

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   Critical Grass

      Hey FAC, we should think about starting a band.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 9:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Elodie

    this is SO FUNNY!!!! Poor girl, sounds like they really did recall it though. So maybe she should go to the doc’s?

    Oct 9, 2009 at 5:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   adnoxious

    Known side effects of eating expired Lean Cuisine: typing like a complete moron.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 6:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Oh, for cripes sake

      Known side effect of being a complete moron: continued shilling of website against cultural norms of the site on which one is posting.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 7:28 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      …like a complete moron.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   GK bang

      My main beef is that it seems to go against the point of the website he is himself shilling. I think it’s kinda like handing out leaflets on the street about how to save trees by using less paper.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   TheOldSchool

      I disagree. I’ve visited his site and I liked it. He isn’t against all advertising; his site just highlights stupid ads. And, to me, post 15.0 isn’t even shilling.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   mamason bang

      Who’s eating complete Mormons? Were they expired?

      *I never know what’s going on*

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m sorry to say that complete Morons never expire, kinda like Twinkies and McD’s Fries.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Canthz_B bang

      Do they sell partial Morons as well?
      How many shillings do they cost?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   anglophile bang

      TOS, I believe you are only seeing the edited version of his post. Earlier this morning there was a “signature” link. I got no beef with hoping people visit your website, but that’s what the linky username is for, IMHO.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   pony girl bang

      Complete mormons never die,
      they just fade away.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 1:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   Right This Way, Mr. Smith...

      But just before they become invisible they are spotted and consumed by Angel Moroneye, who washes them down with a Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi.
      They spend eternity in the Wood with Pooh.

      Partial Mormons are not consumed by angels, but by self-doubt, fear, and rage.

      It’s an odd religion, but, hey, angels have their standards.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   Critical Grass

      You don’t have to worry about the Partial Mormons.
      The Incomplete Mormons are the ones you should look out for. They come out at night looking for “spare parts”, if you know what I mean.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   Joe Bob Briggs Knows

      Incomplete Mormons ?

      Couldn’t finish all of their term papers at BYU because of too much late-night “spare partying”?

      Coming soon to a drive-in near you:
      The Night Of The Incomplete Mormons

      We’re talking Romero Extravaganza…and we don’t mean Cesar Romero, by George!

      Oct 9, 2009 at 7:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   pony girl bang

      The Night Of The Incomplete Mormons.
      Wonder what the count would look like for that movie.

      pony girl says check it out

      (please don’t sue me, Joe Bob)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.14   Tabernacle-fu

      PG,

      It might look something like this:

      Missionary style aardvarking, Magic Underwear-fu, Tithing-fu, Straight-edge-fu, Spirit aardvarking, Prophet-fu, Multiple Gods-fu, Multiple Heavens-fu, Polygamous aardvarking, well, y’all get the general idea, even though the list is, uh, Incomplete ’cause they come up with some new damnfool revelational twist once a decade or so…

      Oct 10, 2009 at 12:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.15   Critical Grass

      The Mormons are comin’! The Mormons are comin’! And they’re incomplete too! Bastards!

      Oct 10, 2009 at 8:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Pfinster

    To all of you who speak of POO (in the garden). EColi gets spread in commercial crops mainly by 2 ways; unhealthy watering from an unhealthy water supply. The other way is from harvesters having to go to the jon while working, but don’t want to walk 1/2 mile to the outhouse.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 7:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   pony girl

      eeeew.
      very happy with my decision to grow my own herbs and vegies.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 7:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      Pfinster, when I read “harvesters having to go to the jon while working”, I spent a moment trying to figure how much such a large machine must crap out each time it needs to go potty.
      Then I realized that you were serious.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 7:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Juan, Enrique and Guadalupe don’t get paid by the hour, but by the box load, that walk can cost 3 or 4 box loads or more…They help “water” the crop as well.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      Sometimes Guadalupe “waters” the crop with amniotic fluid.

      Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Critical Grass

      And that’s how babies are born.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   I Scream, You Scream

      If Guadalupe works at Baskin-Robbins too, it’s time to educate your kids about the benefits of crushed nuts* compared to those sugary “sprinkles”.

      * Mack Drive-thru lane open here

      Oct 9, 2009 at 10:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   Canthz_B bang

      CG, migrant workers were the inspiration for Cabbage Patch Kids.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Wendi

    I believe generally the source of the ‘pooh’ on food is not from fertilizer, it is from human hands that do not wash when picking fruits or vegetables. I remember driving past strawberry fields and there was just a port a potty there, no means of hand washing after it was used *puke*

    Oct 9, 2009 at 7:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   zombieBlanco bang

    *in the distant past – young zB, holding mum’s purse*

    OMG! I thought that was mine! I, like, just got so confused. It’s just, like, so insanely confusing. I had one of these twenties at one time too. So, like, I guess I’m a stealer.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 7:23 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Critical Grass

    This email is going to the person who ate my Lean Cuisine Chicken, Spinach, and Mushroom Panini, that I had in the white fridge in the cafe. It was expired, gross, looked funny and had things moving in it. THAT was my evil plan to kill you.

    Glad it worked.

    DIE!

    Oct 9, 2009 at 8:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Remember when you’d find an expiration date on a food product and the first thing you’d do was to sniff it? The food, not the expiration date.
    Not today, it’s straight to the manufacturer’s website!!

    Oct 9, 2009 at 8:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Critical Grass

      Or on Twitter:

      @LeanCuisine My Chicken, Spinach and Mushroom Panini was gross and had things moving in it. I threw it out. Just letting you know.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Dude, the sandwich doesn’t come with a rice side.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   anglophile bang

      @CriticalGrass That was my Lean Cuisine.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 8:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Critical Grass

      @anglophile Sorry, sometimes I get confused & take other people’s food thinking it’s mine. I often do that with their cars, money, children.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   blde

    We have “salvage” grocery stores here. They sell outdated, but frozen, foods or foods near their expiration date…overstock from grocery chains, restauarants, etc. I shop there all the time. Have yet to get anything that was spoiled or made us sick. This may be the type of grocery the OP means.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      The bacteria in the expired food has clearly affected your brain. You only think you haven’t been sick…

      Oct 9, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Holy postapocalptic flash-forwards blde! After foraging for food, is it off to the Thunderdome for some entertainment?

      Oct 9, 2009 at 12:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Woman on the Verge bang

    You know, there’s something to be said for revisiting the past. Really, some ex lax brownies left in the fridge with no name on them would do wonders for this office.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 9:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Nature Abhors....

      Why stop with high-school-level phenolphtalein?

      Why not kick it up notches heretofore unknown??

      On the Friday before you go on a one week vacation, leave a partial pan of Ebola laced brownies in the “white fridge”.

      Two Mondays from then you should return and see one or more likely vacancies opening up in your organization’s “food chain”.

      Unemployed friends can apply for the openings beneath you while you aim for jobs soon to be vacated by thieving soon-to-be-ex coworkers.

      Lather. Rinse. Repeat as needed.

      Not FDA approved for upper management, but tests are contemplated.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   etoile bang

      I knew a kid once who was about to change schools, so he brought brownies on his last day, and handed them out to people, but he had put laxatives in them…. thankfully, I didn’t go to that school and only heard the story from the less fortunate…

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      I bet you found twenty dollars afterwards, too, huh?

      Oct 10, 2009 at 3:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   oi

    When I steal lunch at my office, I always check expiry date. If I want to eat crappy food and get sick, wouldn’t I just go to taco bell and order 99 cents meal?
    I steal because I want expensive yummy variety of Andronico’s

    Oct 9, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I would never eat anyone’s restaurant leftover lunch…Most people dine before the movie or other great outing they are on. The food then sits in the car for hours unrefridgerated waiting for them to return. Then it may be left on the counter for a time at home until they remember to put it away. It has fallen away from the safe zone for held food, it is now a breeding ground for all the lovely sick inducing bacteria that it can get…mmmmm.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   chaya

      Andronico’s is a high end grocery store.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   aaa bang

    I’m kind of hoping that the responder was being facetious and was the one who submitted the exchange to PAN.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   ClearlyDemented

    There are so many possibilities for this strategy…

    Dear All:

    Whoever stole my “World’s Best Mom’ pen, my son gave that to me the day before he came down with H1N1. You might want to get checked out.

    Dear All:

    The plastic stapler someone stole is the one I use to staple my anus shut due to my IBS.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   GiggidyGiggidy

      Oh no! NOT THE FLUUUUUUU!

      Someone get them a priest to read them their last rites!

      Oct 9, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   MAMARILLA2 bang

    All that seems to be missing from the apology letter is the request for the name of the store which sold the “offending” meal. So that the theif can sue them for the time missed due to illness.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   A Nigerian and A Lurker

    PANGod

    It gets on my nerves when people find the slightest excuse to invoke “Nigerian” scams.

    In a country of over 120 billion people, about 10000 engage in these activities; some of them are not even Nigerian. The rest are hardworking, some poor, some successful. You never hear about people saying, boy, Nigerians can sing – like Sade and Seal.

    It’s like, writing a story, and deciding that an ignorant, uncouth, narrow-minded, and culturally-insensitive jerk/airhead who couldn’t pick out their own country on a map had to be American.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Wade bang

      120 billion??!?!?

      really?

      sounds like a scam to me.

      ;)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Canthz_B bang

      120 billion would account for the number of barristers who are holding kazillions of dollars for me though.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Critical Grass

      Actually Nigeria has about 154 million people. How can you explain the 34 million missing from your plea?

      j/k ;)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   A Nigerian and A Lurker

      120 million lol :)

      In the midst of my passion I messed up!

      Oct 9, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Wade bang

      See, that changes everything. The ratio of scammers to hard-working Nigerians is increased a thousand-fold!

      And I would argue that the scammers are hard-working too, since they managed to become an internet meme. ;)

      BTW – The immigrants to the US that arrive with the highest level of educational attainment are from Africa… particularly from Nigeria and Ghana. :D

      Oct 9, 2009 at 5:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   Canthz_B bang

      Yes, Wade, we’ve always gotten the best and the brightest from the Motherland! ;-)

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   Critical Grass

      Couldn’t agree more, CB.

      Oct 9, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.8   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

      Wait, what? I do not doubt that the Russian-Americans are a fine group of people, CB, but to say the country’s best and brightest come from a single genealogical source, well, that’s just short-sighted.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 3:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.9   anglophile bang

      Dear A Nigerian and A Lurker,

      How many of that 120 million are princes? ‘Cause I’ve received personal corrrespondence from at least 361.

      Yours curiously,

      anglophile

      Oct 10, 2009 at 7:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.10   A Nigerian and A Lurker

      Oh, there are at least 120 000 kings, queens, princes and princessses. I myself, you see, am a princess :P :P :P

      And to all you other naysayers, Wade speaks truth. Read his comment carefully and commit it to memory :P

      Oct 10, 2009 at 10:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.11   Critical Grass

      So.. Good news for anglophile! Yey! :D

      Oct 10, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.12   Canthz_B bang

      No, Meh, I didn’t say the country has gotten it’s best and brightest from a single genealogical source.
      I said the best and brightest of that source have come or been forcibly brought here over the past 400 years or so.

      I should have used “of” instead of “from”, or “taken” instead of “gotten”, but you get my drift. That is if you know any history at all. If you do, you know that Africans in the diaspora refer to the continent as the “Motherland” as do Russians to Russia.

      Genealogically speaking, everyone on the planet has African roots so, in a broader sense… :lol:

      Oct 10, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.13   Canthz_B bang

      AN&AL, I don’t see any naysayers. Just people joking about receiving spam nearly every day in their email accounts.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.14   bowloftoast bang

      I don’t think horses have email.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 1:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.15   Canthz_B bang

      Aren’t horses neigh-sayers?

      Aye believe they are!

      Oct 10, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.16   anglophile bang

      heh heh, CB.

      You said ANAL.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.17   bowloftoast bang

      Horses prefer phonetics. You’ll have to ask them their views on anal.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.18   Canthz_B bang

      heh heh, ‘Glo.

      I regretted that acronym as soon as I saw it writ large!

      bowloftoast, you don’t give horses enough credit. ;-)

      Oct 10, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.19   bowloftoast bang

      They’re whip-smart I know, but that elongated septum is a bitch.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 2:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.20   Geek Goddess

      Have you ever tried to get credit for a horse, CB? For starters, there is the fact that they can’t sign their own name.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.21   A Nigerian and A Lurker -> Princess Nigerian Lurker

      I saw the ANAL and I started to laugh. I need a new name if you’re going to shorten my name.

      From now on I am Princess Nigerian Lurker. I can’t think of anything bad that can be formed from PNL.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.22   park rose

      Gee-Gee, it would behoove us all to remember your tip, straight from the equine mouth.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 6:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.23   Caballo College

      Besides the unavoidable signature problem (hands down the biggest drawback), they’re all so high-strung that they inevitably get the trots the night before the final, miss the exam, and wind up dropping the course because the instructors almost never give a horse any latitude at all.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 7:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.24   anglophile

      Again with the puns, rose?

      You’re beating a dead horse there, you know.

      Plus, it’s giving me nightmares.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 8:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.25   Wade bang

      It’s safe to say any horse withers under pressure.

      Oct 10, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.26   pony girl bang

      *trots by..snorts in disgust…gallops away with head and tail held high and nostrils flaring*

      Oct 10, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.27   GK bang

      Wait, there are ignorant, uncouth, narrow-minded, and culturally-insensitive jerks/airheads who can’t pick out their own country on a map that aren’t American? :-S

      Oct 12, 2009 at 3:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    This type of thing always happens at the white fridge.

    I don’t see why so many have so much against affirmative action…they’d eat better if they supported it.

    Oct 9, 2009 at 4:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   But I Kind of Dig His New Brown Bag

    Appearing Tonight Only at the Black Fridge…
    For the hardest workin’ night shift in Columbus…

    ‘Fro-Zen Quiz(nos)een Presents…

    The Main (Man) Course
    Godfather of Sole

    The Dessert Course
    Mama Come Here Quick and Bring Me That Cool Whip

    If it’s ‘Fro-Zen, it’ll never expire…
    It’s Flame broiled…it’ll never retire.
    It just moves on to the dimension of one micro waving.

    Arigato….arigato gozaimasu

    Oct 9, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   The Real Meh, The Great Meh, The Blue Meh

    I’m not sure sure which event was more painful for the “stealer”. Was it the projectile vomiting coupled with intense, pure-liquid diarrhea and extreme dehydration she obtained from eating the spoiled Lean Cuisine, or was it the savage beatings about her head she recieved during the key period of her brain’s development. Whichever one it was, I think I win with the pain I endured trying to read that second e-mail.

    Oct 10, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Havingfitz

    Yeah, I ate your Lean Cuisine. I also ate Dave’s Swingline Stapler. You wanna make something of it?

    Oct 10, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Critical Grass

      Nope. Good luck on the “discharging”, though…

      Oct 10, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   S.

    I could have sworn that I read this scenario on snopes.com…

    Oct 10, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   MrMurakami bang

    This fridge is obviously a master of optical trickery. Insanely (!!!) so, of course.

    Good people of the office, stow your victuals carefully.

    Oct 11, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   park rose bang

      Ha, Ruki, is that you?

      Oct 12, 2009 at 8:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   MrMurakami bang

      I sincerely wish I could respond to that question in the affirmative. I love me some Ruki.

      Oct 21, 2009 at 2:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   spiffy

    wow. the responder is incredibly gullible or guilt ridden or both.

    Oct 13, 2009 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Amy

    Well played!

    Reminds me of the time someone on my dorm got tired of ice cream thieves and put a dead rat in the middle of a carton of ice cream. Ice cream thievery ceased immediately.

    Oct 16, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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