S in London says his flatmate was obviously exceedingly upset about his missing can opener. Of course, this being England, the old “stiff upper lip” sometimes still prevails…sort of.
related: memorandum to the roommates
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127 responses so far ↓
#1
first
first
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: +3
#2
Meewunk
It’s adorable, really. I love the signature especially.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: +4
#3
d
1. first sentence deserves a “.”
2. second sentence deserves a “?”
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:33 pm rating: +8
#4
park rose
Hope his friends told him to can it.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: +20
#5
leftfoot
Oh just buy another one and keep it locked in your room safe, ya whiny bint.
More importantly though.. How expensive can a “expensive tin opener” be? Mine is fantastic and cost $10, which is like what? 5 quid or 2 euros?
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: +6
#6
Canthz_B
Stop crying, Andrew, it was made of tin!
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:48 pm rating: +1
#7
Canthz_B
I am not sure why Andrew questions whether or not he’s sure what happened to his expensive tin opener.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: +11
#8
Edna Welthorpe
But it’s not just any tin opener … It’s a Marks & Spencers luxurious tin opener … Mmmmm, tin opener.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: +8
#9
Canthz_B
My suggestion is that Andrew refrain from buying expensive tins.
The other opener in the house probably works fine on inexpensive tins.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:55 pm rating: +16
#10
Critical Grass
Andrew, honey, what happened to you tin opener is that it was stolen. No one will ever return it to you.
Now, I see that you have built an emotional bond with your former can opener, but sometimes we just have to let it go.
Ok, dear?
Ok.
Oct 12, 2009 at 10:56 pm rating: +9
#11
pony girl
Well, I guess whichever flatmate is taking their tins into their bedroom to open would be the culprit.
Unless of course they’re, um, doing something completely unrelated to tin-opening with it. Then perhaps the screams of pain will give the thief away.
Oct 12, 2009 at 11:07 pm rating: +4
#12
Canthz_B
Andy (I know you hate being called Andy), we threw your overly expensive tin opener in the rubbish bin.
We just got tired of you bringing ordinary household items that you bought from Sharper Image into the flat.
You are a pretentious prick, Andy, and we’re all sick and tired of you bragging about how much money you have.
Your motorized tie rack is in our sights…beware.
Oct 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm rating: +15
#13
Dagny
FUCK! I mean tin can (no pun intended) be expensive…in Euros.
Oct 13, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: +2
#14
vitakinetic
These comments suck
Oct 13, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: +1
#15
Andrea
I think the best part is that there’s a headline to this note. BREAKING NEWS – TIN OPENER THIEF STRIKES AGAIN
Oct 13, 2009 at 1:19 am rating: +5
#16
Susannie
Expensive can opener – because you wouldn’t want to open yummy tin food with a cheap one!
(Come to think about it.. I actually own a expensive tin opener my self. But my cat demanded a fancy one!)
Oct 13, 2009 at 4:47 am rating: +1
#17
adnoxious
Why would you need to steal a tin opener from your own roommate? Isn’t it just there in the kitchen for everyone to use? Would someone please inform me?
Oct 13, 2009 at 7:08 am rating: +1
#18
adam
Haha, “tins”. Silly Euros can’t even get the word can right.
Oct 13, 2009 at 8:07 am rating: +4
#19
Woman on the Verge
Why, exactly, do you suppose Andrew couldn’t just ASK if anyone has his precious tin opener? Why the formal note? Oh! I get it… It’s Prince Andrew and he’s addressing his staff! (go ahead… you know you want to say something about him “addressing his staff”)
Oct 13, 2009 at 8:22 am rating: 0
#20
Critical Grass
Haha, you never went to a chemistry class in your life, did you?
Oct 13, 2009 at 8:22 am rating: 0
#21
lili
andrew! you suave devil.
Oct 13, 2009 at 8:45 am rating: 0
#22
unfortun8one
“Best Wishes!”
Best wishes, indeed! (wishes that the tin-opener thief has cut his thumb off by mistake and will return with the precious implement, bloody, but apologetic…)
Oct 13, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: +2
#23
park rose
STOP PRESSES!! ANDREW’S TIN OPENER MISSING. DO NOT APPROACH. ARMED AND KNOWN TO BE DANGEROUS.
Fancy Pants Tin Opener was sentenced to the solitary confinement of his own special drawer, nearest the sink, top shelf, top dog. Cushy you might say, but the screws made his life hell. So he planned to leg it out of there as soon as he could, and he knew Andrew would be looking for a grass, a sneak, someone to dob him in, to rat him out. That’s when he broke one of the legs of the cheap nasty tin opener that had blown in from China, just to show them. Don’t nobody mess with Fancy Pants. As for the cheap opener, well, what could he say? It was a bottom, after all. Someone always has to be the bottom. Rotting away forever in the drawer below his. Life wasn’t fair and now that opener didn’t work that well.
“Anyone squeals and you’ll get yours and you’ll get it good,” he snarled, then he busted out of the can, for a change. It felt good to be free.
Oct 13, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: +16
#24
oi
October 13, 2009
Dear Andrew,
Please sit down, I want you to take a deep breathe. Calm down Andrew. My heart sinks to the bottom saying this but I have to. Your expensive tin opener has run away with Katerina’s board. He is fine though and asks for your blessings. Be rational Andrew, he is not a child anymore. He has his own life to live.
Hope god puts enough love in your heart and you would be able to forgive them.
Best wishes,
your fellow flatmate.
Oct 13, 2009 at 11:55 am rating: +7
#25
bowloftoast
Twenty-Fourth!
Oct 13, 2009 at 12:47 pm rating: +6
#26
FredGarvin
I would be honoured if someone would favour Andrew with the return of his can opener. Thank you.
Oct 13, 2009 at 1:11 pm rating: +1
#27
Gandalf
So, Andrew, having a bit of a time getting the “cans” to “open up?”
*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
Say no more, say no more!
Oct 13, 2009 at 2:14 pm rating: +2
#28
MAMARILLA2
There is a vortex that exists. Certain things enter this vortex unpredictably and unannounced..Single socks, bits of flatware, bottle openers, occasional pieces of needed mail, loose keys, and more often than not, tin openers. Sometimes they will return from the vortex subtly changed.
Oct 13, 2009 at 6:41 pm rating: +4
#29
Neeners
This note is so polite in its righteous indignation that I feel I should look for that damn tin opener myself all the way over here in America.
Andrew, why the period after the date? Is that some English thing? And the bold memo line….what is that for, are we are at work or something?
Oct 13, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: +1
#30
pony girl
Andrew,
You never use me anymore.
You used to use me every day. Sometimes 2 or 3 times in a day.
Now I’m lucky if you use me once a month. I should have known that you’d found another opener when you allowed your friends and flatmates to use me whenever they wanted.
Well, now you will know what it is like to have your heart broken.
You will never see your precious posh tin opener again. I lured it away and threw it in the Thames.
Guess you’ll just have to make do with me, you pretentious pratt!
Sincerely,
and with no regrets whatsoever,
Your First Tin Opener
ps
This could have ended differently.
If only you’d been honest with me and treated me with the decency and respect that every cheap tin opener deserves.
Oct 13, 2009 at 8:58 pm rating: +3
#31
mcdsc
Well there is still no tin opener; I have no idea where that has gone. He has since lost his Tesco eco bag and has written two notes about that. I am thinking about leaving Andrew a note telling him I cant read.
Oct 16, 2009 at 3:45 pm rating: 0
#32
Joshtyn
omg!!! that’s hilarious!! I actually laughed…out loud…. bless Andrew
Oct 21, 2009 at 4:20 pm rating: 0
#33
anonymous
Ugh, that first sentence IS NOT A QUESTION.
Use a period, motherfucker.
Oct 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm rating: 0
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