Ashley in Richmond, Virginia says this e-mail was sent to every single employee at her office. Then, “after thirty minutes, the sender attempted to recall it six times.” (That’s how you know she was SO SERIOUS.)
related: the classic all-staff e-mail
Miss Place is SO SERIOUS
October 15th, 2009 · 239 comments
FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · cell phone · Richmond · spelling and grammar police
239 responses so far ↓
#1
button
my eyes! my eyes!
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: 53
#2
shesajem
So many typos… the professional in me wants to slap her and give her a spelling lesson.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: 37
#3
Tierra
Haha! I love these notes y’all post!
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:12 am rating: 6
#4
RigaToni
It frightens me that this person even works in a place professional enough to HAVE an “all staff” email.
I didn’t know McDonald’s had that for the folks on the fryer line.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:15 am rating: 42
#5
Jennifer
So… I’m assuming she found her cell phone?
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:19 am rating: 9
#6
Helen
I love how the caps lock was taken off for the WalMart comment!
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:27 am rating: 22
#7
Nini
This is scary.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:28 am rating: 5
#8
jc
Miss Place is a bitch.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:28 am rating: 8
#9
park rose
I never knew there was a typing equivalent to the gradational, scrawling, handwritten note of fury, where words that start out as relatively legible, standard-sized and neat, deteriorate steadily, methodically (though with a somewhat shaky hand) and exponentially (in direct relation to the PANista’s outrage) into letters so angrily tall that not even superman could clear them in a single bound.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:29 am rating: 72
#10
scoobyjenkins
ALL YALL WHERE TAUGHT WAS I? Momma’s barn by Mr Pig?
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:40 am rating: 12
#11
hugsandkisses101
What?! I LOVE how the font gets bigger the more ‘serious’ she (guessing) gets!
It’s not even 10:30am and she’s practically sending out death threats!? How early did the alleged crime take place??
How does she know what all ‘us all’ was taught? I, for one, never remember my mom saying “if it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” I believe my folks’ lessons derived more from the ‘Golden Rule’ or common courtesy. I do remember being taught that if you find something valuable, you should give it to the Lost & Found or a “responsible grown-up”. And I always did so! I didn’t take your $25 Boost phone…I swear!!
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:43 am rating: 11
#12
MrMurakami
(Somewhere, Miss Place’s 3rd grade English teacher throws herself from the roof of a library. For what it’s worth, the suicide note was free of typos.)
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:44 am rating: 72
#13
Fresca
Umm….no comment, I guess. I’m just very, very happy not to be this person. The missing cell phone is the least of her worries.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:44 am rating: 19
#14
Cindy
Geez, our educational system at work! Scary, huh?
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:47 am rating: 10
#15
PeteNZ
I just don’t understand how somebody that knows how to recall emails doesn’t know how to spell, use correct grammar or generally make sense.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:48 am rating: 30
#16
park rose
You can’t really blame her. She left her sharps in the mail room.
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:48 am rating: 10
#17
Seanette
With much more literate and sensible people unemployed, this girl HAS a job?
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:52 am rating: 39
#18
park rose
If her cell phone was ‘n the way is it any wonder it was picked up and placed somewhere less troublesome?
Oct 15, 2009 at 2:18 am rating: 4
#19
crumplet
she sounds like she’s having a breakdown. oh no her email LOOKS like she’s having a breakdown!
Oct 15, 2009 at 2:19 am rating: 2
#20
Mica
I’d fire her. o.0
Oct 15, 2009 at 2:42 am rating: 1
#21
Canthz_B
E-mail…so easy, a caveman could do it!
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:02 am rating: 11
#22
Renagade676
Who let her near a company computer? I hope she’s not a company rep.
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:05 am rating: 3
#23
Canthz_B
I’ve long suspected that mail room workers were being unwittingly subjected to dangerous rays emitted by PitneyBowes equipment.
Confirmation at last!
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:22 am rating: 9
#24
park rose
We as adults can’t return it if it doesn’t belong to you.
Right.
So what’s the problem? She obviously fences stolen goods. I’m sure she could cultivate a Fagin-like crew, and the smeary-faced, sticky-fingered urchins (they’ve been at the Chinese o-nigiri buffet) could ‘return’ things that didn’t belong to the note writer, to the note writer, if adults can’t do the job. And that phone is hers? Sure, sure.
Oct 15, 2009 at 4:29 am rating: 10
#25
GK
You are all EDUCATED STUPID. $25 boost mobile phone is N The Way Truth. You are ignorant evil Walmart-less word murderers who will recall the message! Poison mail room is evil plot to destroy perfect email. From sunup to sunup is 4 #’s! One # day is an EVIL LIE.
Oct 15, 2009 at 5:15 am rating: 18
#26
park rose
What’s she got against the unplanned? Or are bastard children mistakes as well? Everyone knows that mail rooms are full of bastards.
Oct 15, 2009 at 5:55 am rating: 5
#27
Kathryn
I’m tempted to give this as an editing quiz to my seventh graders. Is that too mean?
Oct 15, 2009 at 5:56 am rating: 30
#28
Wade
IF IT’S NOT YOURS DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS ON IT.
Her parents must have played a lot of Georgia Satellites while she was growing up.
Oct 15, 2009 at 6:17 am rating: 9
#29
Dana
Thank you for this rare and insightful look into the inner life of a telephone customer (dis)service rep. I’ve often wondered what they were doing while I was left on perma-hold.
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:05 am rating: 1
#30
Beth
All your base are belong to us!
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:46 am rating: 5
#31
Havingfitz
*ring* Oh, hey, Bree. What up? What? Oh no, I just finish sendin’ an email on accounnta someone done stole my phone. People round here do NOT know how to act, I’mma tell you. What? What chu mean, what am I talkin’ to you on if my phone is missing…Yo, Bree, you smart. Ya’ll know how to recall an email?
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:52 am rating: 50
#32
Critical Grass
Definitely a crack baby… AND a crack user.
Shame…
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:54 am rating: 2
#33
adam
You have to at least appreciate the time she took in careful selecting the type size to correctly show her mood.
Or not, you know, whatever.
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:55 am rating: 14
#34
jennifer
lol! What a moran!
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:00 am rating: 2
#35
Aaron
WHY SO SERIOUS?!
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:12 am rating: 9
#36
HappyNat
What kind of work do you do in your office Ashley? Eat paste? I have a hard time imagining how the person who wrote this e-mail could contribute anything to a professional office.
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:16 am rating: 6
#37
adnoxious
I find it hard to believe that Miss Place actually possesses the intelligence needed to operate a cell phone.
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:44 am rating: 4
#38
Ashley
She’s SO SERIOUS!!!! she couldn’t take the time to proofread her e-mail! This is serious business, guys, they stole her really cheap disposable cell phone!
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:52 am rating: 3
#39
Critical Grass
Sometimes I hate digital inclusion.
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:52 am rating: 5
#40
TP
I was just reading Eats Shoots and Leaves today and if this note was ever a candidate for being published in the next revision of this book – well I don’t know what all yall think of that but I AM SO SERIOUS!!!
Oct 15, 2009 at 8:55 am rating: 3
#41
Rachet
… um…
“all yall”?!
Ya stupid hick! Ya don’t use BOTH of ‘em together like that! Only the most ignorant do!
Oh…wait….
Oct 15, 2009 at 9:08 am rating: 1
#42
anglophile
Jerry Whipplesmith, CEO of A-One Widgets Inc, adjusted his monitor. He took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes, and then put his glasses back on again. He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. Wrong again. With a heavy sigh, he got up from his chair and went out to his executive assistant’s desk.
“Miss Place, I need you to make a phone call for me,” he said, mustering every last ounce of his patience.
Miss Place looked up from admiring her new acrylic tips. She was glad she had gone with the purple instead of the neon blue.
“Whom would you like me to call, Mr. Whipplesmith?”
“Yourself.”
“Myself?”
“Yourself, on your cell phone.”
Isn’t that just like a Boss, thought Miss Place. Why on earth did he need her to call herself? He was standing right there! But Bosses are dumb. They never know what they’re doing. Mr. Whipplesmith, for instance, orders his coffee wrong every single day. No one drinks coffee without sugar and raspberry syrup, so she always had to add that to his order. He didn’t ever thank her for it, either. Dolly Parton was right, Miss Place thought as she called her cell phone. You just use your mind and they never give you credit. It’s enough to drive you crazy if you–wait a minute, is that her phone? Well isn’t that the oddest thing? She can hear the phone ringing through the earpiece in her ear, but she can also hear her ringtone at the same time. Maybe she should change it from “If You Seek Amy”, that song is so old.
“Miss Place!”
“Yes, Mr. Whipplesmith?”
“Your Inbox is ringing.”
And there it was. Her phone. Underneath this morning’s mail in her inbox. Huh.
“Why, Mr. Whipplesmith! How did you know it was there?”
Mr. Whipplesmith didn’t answer. He picked up Miss Place’s keyboard and pried a key off it, then turned and went back to his office, without saying a word.
Miss Place decided to send out an all-company e-mail about how stupid they were in the mailroom. Who cares how cute Jamal is, she wasn’t going to date anyone from the mailroom anyway.
Her left pinky slid over to click the Caps Lock key and encountered nothing but a hole.
Oct 15, 2009 at 9:17 am rating: 100
#43
nativefloridian
Epic win
Oct 15, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: 0
#44
Deldobuss
THIS IS N THE WAY
my thoughts exactly. . .
Oct 15, 2009 at 9:31 am rating: 1
#45
Critical Grass
Yes, I have myopia and astigmatism.
Thank you doctor Place.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:03 am rating: 4
#46
Lucy Jacobs
I do not wish to criticize her if she grew up speaking a foreign language.
If she grew up in the U.S., I suggest that she check into anger-management. Rage must impair her ability to think.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:27 am rating: 2
#47
WBolesNYC
everything about this makes me cringe. especially the thought of what they must be like in person.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:28 am rating: 1
#48
LadyMac
Picked up by a mistake?
How very rude to call other people “mistakes”. I guess she’ never made one. Oh. Wait. Never mind.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:32 am rating: 5
#49
César
Watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTosQerWBzU&channel=LILSHOWSTOPPA
It’s like she wrote this email.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 0
#50
Phillip
That cell phone was fucking delicious.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:43 am rating: 5
#51
tibb
See this is the sad state of our education system, no one knows how to spell, or to string a sentence together. People actually send out, or print a message that sounds or looks like their txts would.
SAD!
(and is it me, but the voice I hear that would be speaking these words sounds like the woman in the auto insurance commercial that is playing a pothole)
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:07 am rating: 1
#52
Flaboy2425
I would like to meet Miss Place. She would be great on a date. I would listen to her yammer away about nothing that made sense and Just wrestle and have fun together. WOW, what a thought.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:17 am rating: 1
#53
daMamma
Was this an office for the illiterate or the under educated? Good grief, this note writer is scary!
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:17 am rating: 2
#54
eddy
I’m more amazed that she got those instances of ‘YOUR’ correct. I would have expected at least one “DON’T PUT YOU’RE HANDS ON IT” in there.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:20 am rating: 3
#55
Flaboy2425
My apology for the misplaced capital J. I did some editing and forgot to change it to lowere case
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:21 am rating: 0
#56
pony girl
Pffttt.
Everyone knows it’s y’all, not yall.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:22 am rating: 1
#57
oi
IF IT’S NOT OURS DON’T PUT YOUR HANS ON IT.
why does that sound vaguely dirty?
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:45 am rating: 5
#58
oi
“The phone does not have any ting but numbers”
My phone also has nice little cabinets full of money diamonds and pearls.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: 5
#59
mel
WHY SO SERIOUS…?
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: 1
#60
oi
I have a feeling that mail room fax machine picked up her cell phone with this irresistible pick up line,
IF IT’S NOT OURS DO PUT YOUR HANS ON IT
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:50 am rating: 1
#61
Bynnie
I’m not usually a grammar nazi, but that actually hurt my brain to read. How could anyone allow themselves to send out an email like that? And how did it not occur to her to just call her cell? That’s like standard procedure for a misplaced phone.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:57 am rating: 2
#62
Pers
OH-EM-GEE!
She’s HULKING OUT!
“HULK SMASH! ARGH! GIMME CELLPHONE!”
Oct 15, 2009 at 12:27 pm rating: 5
#63
notolaf
Does anybody know where I can get the new QuickGrow font for my PAN notes?
Oct 15, 2009 at 12:41 pm rating: 11
#64
Me
How does this person have a job and I couldn’t find one for months??? I AM SO SERIOUS
Oct 15, 2009 at 1:58 pm rating: 4
#65
Sheepish
She must think that Kanye West is a genius.
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:24 pm rating: 1
#66
farcical aquatic ceremony
Aren’t we missing the obvious here? Clearly, this gal is from that tribe that speaks the language with all the clicks in it. .. Poor “N THE WAY” (or, rather, “N*click*THE*click**click*WAY”) is actually an extremely gifted communicator, and her message would make perfect sense to us if (a.) her keyboard had a *click* key, and (b.) anyone apart from her fellow tribespeople understood what the *click*s mean…
(Or, it could be that the author’s 3-inch-long nails caused indiscriminate striking of the ‘Caps Lock’ key, while the dropped words and atrocious grammar were a result of the mesmerizing effect of the sparkly faux-diamonds accenting the sunset scenes painted on said fingernails.)
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:24 pm rating: 7
#67
pony girl
I don’t know.
Maybe we should cut her some slack.
Maybe she’s just gone a bit whackadoodle from watching the FoxNews Live Stream with the bug stuck on screen and she’s been trying to figure out if the bug is on the inside or outside of the helicopter. I mean, that would have to be a really fast fly. Do flies even fly that high? Or is the fly on the inside of the helicopter, but if so, why is he RIGHT there, is he trying to be discovered? is he stuck to the end of the lens? why is he moving around like that? is he in his death throes? is there wind coming in? and if so, why is it not being knocked off? Is no one at FoxNews watching this? Can’t they tell someone to kill that freaking fly and get it the hell of the screen? I can’t look away, and I have things to do and I just really need them to move that stupid fly!
I AM SO SERIOUS
Oct 15, 2009 at 3:31 pm rating: 9
#68
Marty
Everyone should chip in and get her an iphone…
Oct 15, 2009 at 6:29 pm rating: 1
#69
Aly
And…I’m just curious, does anyone think she checked the lost and found? Generally people of this education level forget that step in the process. Check lost and found, check with supervisors, check with security…then bitch.
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:03 pm rating: 1
#70
Will
just by changing a little punctuation, and her zany font choices, you can make a nice little poem:
this is n the way
I guess my cell phone
was picked up
by a mistake
from the mail room
this morning
it was only
a $25 Boost Mobile phone
they are sold at Walmart if you want
1
so return that one please
this is work place
we can’t, Miss Place
something of ours and we as
adults can’t return it
if it doesn’t belong to you
all yall
where taught
if it’s not yours,
don’t put your hands on it
the phone doesn’t have anything,
but my #’s in it…
if you can atleast
take the time
to write my #’s down
an leave them
where you picked my phone
up
at
I am
so serious
thank you
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:43 pm rating: 16
#71
Neeners
Explanation:
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Oct 15, 2009 at 7:58 pm rating: 4
#72
aaa
At first, I was thinking “Hey! This is a fucking brilliant prank!” But when I got to the part about the sender trying to recall the email, I was all “Fuck man, fucking stupidity strikes again!” And then I made this face D: and went to cry in a corner.
Oct 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm rating: 3
#73
bcteagirl
Ok, so who is going to volunteer to encase the cell phone in Jello tomorrow? You can find it in the mailroom.
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: 3
#74
Renagade676
Sheer grammar ignorance strikes again!
Oct 15, 2009 at 11:48 pm rating: 0
#75
bcteagirl
Her office (If you can call the mail room an office) mates probably hid it.
They were sick and tired of conversations seemed to be coming from a bipolar on an acid trip. The combination of bad grammar, y’alls and discussions about Walmart and trailers were making their ears bleed. You can’t blame them really.
Oct 16, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: 0
#76
Susannie
My favourite part is that she requested the thief to write down her phone numbers! Hehehe.. I’m only guessing, but don’t think thiefs are hign on the trait conscientiousness
Oct 16, 2009 at 2:20 am rating: 1
#77
Naomi
who cares about the typos and caps? why doesn’t she just dial the damned number and find her phone that way? that’s how i find mine when it’s on my very messy desk covered with papers.
Oct 16, 2009 at 3:25 am rating: 1
#78
Choad
Is this written in Ebonics?
Oct 16, 2009 at 10:54 am rating: 0
#79
Bearilla
From someone who works there: The person who wrote this is a man, baby.
Oct 16, 2009 at 12:11 pm rating: 4
#80
Leah
While viewing the completely gross Boost commercials, I have always wondered WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD SEE THIS COMMERCIAL and think, “I want THAT phone”???
This confirms my suspicions.
Oct 18, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: 1
#81
Boomshine
Boost Mobile: Yo dawg, where your phone at?
Oct 19, 2009 at 4:09 am rating: 0
#82
VSU Vince
Ok. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was rushing. You know like trying to hurry up and get the email out before her cell phone was gone forever. But as I tried correcting the errors and sentence structures while reading DAMN if the next sentence was mucked up and the next one and the next one and the next one. So I went back read it just like it was written and man that shit was funny as hell. The office should allow her to send more emails out to keep the employees hypedl!!!Please send more please!!!!
Oct 20, 2009 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#83
Morgan
there are PLENTY of literate people who are unemployed. why does this person have a job.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:05 pm rating: 0
#84
Antony
Every time I read the end, I can’t help but burst into giggles.
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:32 am rating: 0
#85
NoNameAvailable
Why SO SERIOUS?
Feb 9, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 0
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