Miss Place is SO SERIOUS

October 15th, 2009 · 239 comments

Ashley in Richmond, Virginia says this e-mail was sent to every single employee at her office. Then, “after thirty minutes, the sender attempted to recall it six times.” (That’s how you know she was SO SERIOUS.)

passiveaggressivenotes.com: funny, spelling-and-grammar-challenged e-mail to office about missing boost mobile cell phone

related: the classic all-staff e-mail

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · cell phone · Richmond · spelling and grammar police


239 responses so far ↓

  • #1   button

    my eyes! my eyes!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Critical Grass bang

      O-H-M-Y-G-O-D!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Thanks!

      The grammatical errors in this email make me want to cry! I think I may be having a panic attack. It should not be so surprising there are these people out there EVERYWHERE! Ok…deep breaths…..I am being smothered by rambing ignorant words!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:18 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   pony girl bang

      This person has a position that requires use of a computer?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Christopher

      This person has a position that requires allows use of a computer?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 99  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Apocalypse @ 10/6/2009 @ 10:28 AM

      I’d be happy to let her slide on the computer, no prob…

      Hey, promote her ass to a position that doesn’t involve any electronics !

      But FIRST….

      a) Turn in the driver’s license for a bus pass, and,

      b) Waive all 2nd Amendment rights in writing (BY HAND fer God’s sake!)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Kayley

      She should have the right to write regardless of whether or not she has bear arms.

      Her massacre of the English language is the more important factor.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 8:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Maas

      I am almost certain that this is actually a ransom note composed by an orangutan. Note the inconsistent font, shifting between bold and regular, and half a dozen sizes. Consider the ape like dialect, folksy, yet didactic, strong appeals to “good family virtues”. The increasing level of urgency in the prose indicate that this is the product of a primate, a stack of magazines, a pair of scissors, glue, and an unfortunately empty bottle of medication.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 10:41 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   shesajem

    So many typos… the professional in me wants to slap her and give her a spelling lesson.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:11 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mrs. HorribleLicensePlates

      Yeah, that ALL YALL is making me cringe.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Critical Grass bang

      It’s kinda fun to see the look on people’s faces when you say “all y’all”.
      All y’all should try it.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Wade bang

      Well, maybe somma y’all should try it. I don’t know about all y’all.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   zenvelo

      everyone knows it’s ”y’all all”….

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Tierra

    Haha! I love these notes y’all post!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   RigaToni

    It frightens me that this person even works in a place professional enough to HAVE an “all staff” email.

    I didn’t know McDonald’s had that for the folks on the fryer line.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:15 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Michelle S.

      Sadly, I know banking professionals with worse spelling/grammar than this. If only it were just fry line cooks.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Buy an Apple, Mister ?

      So…are these banking pros getting BALED OUT WITH OUR TAX DULLARDS or do they have to work for a living like poor Ms. Place?

      A-a-and, didn’t we see her on the TV in one of those town hall meetings waving some sort of Hitler sign ?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Neeners

      To be fair to Miss Place, I know people with PhD’s who lack common sense and good grammar also….no this is something more insidious pure ignorance, if you are handicapped I apologize.

      I literally have seen first graders who write and spell better than this. My son’s first Valentine’s Day card to me when he was 6 shows more eloquence.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   zenvelo

      only accountants are tax dullards…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   anonymous

      It’s “PhDs” not “PhD’s.”

      #condescensionfail.

      Oct 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Jennifer

    So… I’m assuming she found her cell phone? :P

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:19 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   kdaniel

      no, but she found a list of her “#’s”.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Helen

    I love how the caps lock was taken off for the WalMart comment!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:27 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Operatic Trivia with Leonard Pinth-Garnell

      It’s reminiscent of the *sotto voce* section of the Madwoman’s Aria in “Il Perso ed Il Condannato”, also referred to as the *false sanity* interlude, where she is nominally making sense, but is doing so in the process of describing the rabbit and toad stew she will prepare for supper .

      The demenza ortografica parallels the lead character’s descent into madness as she comes up increasingly empty in her search for the magical compass which will, says a legend, lead its possessor out of the land of Dayumnation, whose residents only speak to each other at the tops of their lungs.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:03 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Neeners

      Strangely that is what her second email talked about.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:21 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Cat-toon Programmed in Lisp

      Wasn’t that 2nd email the one with lots of words containing Sybil-ant “esses” (like Sufferin’ Succotash)?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   HairySwede

      That’s because Walmart should always be whispered lest you wake the sleeping beast.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   spottedbuddy bang

      @ #6.3 Yes, and it had little saliva flecks all over it.

      Oct 18, 2009 at 12:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Nini

    This is scary.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   jc

    Miss Place is a bitch.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But she is remarkably fit. In all her jumping to conclusions , raising her voice, chasing her tail, along with her regular diet of crow and humble pie, she has lost alot of her former weight.

      Oct 17, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   park rose bang

    I never knew there was a typing equivalent to the gradational, scrawling, handwritten note of fury, where words that start out as relatively legible, standard-sized and neat, deteriorate steadily, methodically (though with a somewhat shaky hand) and exponentially (in direct relation to the PANista’s outrage) into letters so angrily tall that not even superman could clear them in a single bound.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:29 am   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   bowloftoast bang

      It’s like an upside down eye chart.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 66  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   scoobyjenkins

    ALL YALL WHERE TAUGHT WAS I? Momma’s barn by Mr Pig?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:40 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Clumber

      Well you know, some pigs are more equal than others.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   hugsandkisses101

    What?! I LOVE how the font gets bigger the more ‘serious’ she (guessing) gets!

    It’s not even 10:30am and she’s practically sending out death threats!? How early did the alleged crime take place??

    How does she know what all ‘us all’ was taught? I, for one, never remember my mom saying “if it’s not yours, don’t touch it.” I believe my folks’ lessons derived more from the ‘Golden Rule’ or common courtesy. I do remember being taught that if you find something valuable, you should give it to the Lost & Found or a “responsible grown-up”. And I always did so! I didn’t take your $25 Boost phone…I swear!!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   MrMurakami bang

    (Somewhere, Miss Place’s 3rd grade English teacher throws herself from the roof of a library. For what it’s worth, the suicide note was free of typos.)

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   spottedbuddy

      But what font size did she use? And did she go with Comic Sans, or something a bit more somber such as New York Times or Baskerville?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:02 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Clumber

      IMPACT, of course.

      yes, yes, i know.. I’m going to hell….

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   spottedbuddy

      The reason you’re going to hell is your wanton destruction of my keyboard and nasal passages. And by the way, you owe me a fresh soda as well.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   pony girl bang

      Clumber,
      Wanna carpool?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Pan-duo-moan-ium

      Clumber,

      Be sure to make her sit up front…
      she can be maddening as a Bacchus seatdriver

      Y’all drive safe now,
      Plumber of the Ancient Pipes

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   pony girl bang

      Of course I get to go shotgun.
      I’m in Texas.
      Either that, or I want to ride on the hood like that chick in Death Proof!

      woooooohoooooo!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Aren’t we missing the obvious here? Clearly, this gal is from that tribe that speaks the language with all the clicks in it. .. Poor “N THE WAY” (or, rather, “N*click*THE*click**click*WAY”) is actually an extremely gifted communicator, and her message would make perfect sense to us if (a.) her keyboard had a *click* key, and (b.) anyone apart from her fellow tribespeople understood what the *click*s mean…

      (Or maybe her 3-inch-long nails caused indiscriminate striking of the ‘Caps Lock’ key, while the dropped words and atrocious grammar were a result of the mesmerizing effect of the sparkly faux-diamonds accenting the sunset scenes painted on said fingernails.)

      [Sorry--meant to add this as a new comment, not add to this thread...I expect and deserve mockery from the PAN community.]

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Beep Beep! m-Beep Beep! Yeah!

      Didn’t catch the movie, but just did the cyber-Cliff-Notes for it.

      All’s I’m gonna say is “My name’s not Mike, Ma’m.”

      Y’all’s Shiner Bock-seat Driver…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Fresca

    Umm….no comment, I guess. I’m just very, very happy not to be this person. The missing cell phone is the least of her worries.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   spottedbuddy

      It’s also the least of what she’s missing…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:03 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Cindy

    Geez, our educational system at work! Scary, huh?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   PeteNZ

    I just don’t understand how somebody that knows how to recall emails doesn’t know how to spell, use correct grammar or generally make sense.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:48 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Meesh

      In an effort to help you understand, I’ll point out that it should read “somebody who knows…”

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:06 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Geek Goddess

      There is no evidence that she knows how to recall emails. It says that she attempted to recall the email six times.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:30 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   PvP...PVC...PTSD but not PhD

      Hey, give the girl a break, she’s probably about a level 78 in WoW and is having a leetle bit of trouble toggling back and forth between one surreal world and another.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   park rose bang

    You can’t really blame her. She left her sharps in the mail room.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:48 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Canthz_B bang

      Quick! Someone get that girl a candy bar!!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   tibb

      STAT!!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   It's In the House Now !

      Paging Doctor Gregory House….

      13:
      It appears to be contagious !
      It’s already gotten to Doctor Tibb!

      Dr. H:
      Cool!
      Lock down the East Wing and bring me a fresh bottle of Vitamin “V”.
      This may take a while…SO, WHERE’S MY F&*%ing VICODIN REFILL?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   jjuice

      all y’all give that girl a paracetamol, a tampon a back rub AND a candy bar…..

      all y’all give me a cloth for the coffee that needs wiping from my screen.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 7:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Seanette bang

    With much more literate and sensible people unemployed, this girl HAS a job?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:52 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   park rose bang

      Many. ;)
      Seanette’s right. I was going to delete but got thumbed, hence the following explanation. Sorry, I was thinking about people, but she is modifying ‘literate’ and ‘sensible’. I should peer before I post.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 1:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   MrMurakami bang

      I “thumbed” you, and then I realized the same thing. Perhaps a bit more rest and a little less PAN is in order.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   park rose bang

      You got a cool name, Murakami, so don’t worry. And a thumb is always welcome.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Kelly

      I was just thinking that. “This person has a job, and I don’t?”

      That ain’t right, y’all.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:34 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   Canthz_B bang

      What scares me is that someone interviewed probably fifty people and this was the winning candidate for the job.

      “Miss Place, why do you want to work for us?”

      “JOB I WANT ME SO TO WORK N URN MONIES TO GIT STUFF @ walmart.”

      “Miss Place, that’s the most articulate response I’ve received all week. When can you start?”

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 106  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   Thanks!

      Amen, Kelly! That is sad. I think I will cry again now. What a depressing post on many levels.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.7   pony girl bang

      17.1-17.3,

      I’m confused.

      THX
      pony girl

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.8   Bacchus the Hell Outa Me, Too !

      PG,

      Likewise, Ms. Holmes….if an explanation occurs to you, please post it.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.9   oi

      Rose thought Seanette’s use of much more is wrong, he should use many if he were to modify people but actually he is modifying literate and sensible using much more so he is right.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.10   Seanette bang

      oi, I’m female. I’m not aware of any male names that end in “-ette”. :)

      You are right that the modifier was for the adjectives. ;)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.11   I Can See (much more) Clearly Now

      Many, many thanks to oi and Seanette.

      “Much more people” is the kind of thing Ms. Place might come up with, though.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.12   oi

      Now m I ‘pose to kno the gender 2 from a proper name? ds iz 2 much pressure. U try a lil & condescending grammar nazi ‘ll walk all over you. I tell ya.

      what gender do you suppose Dippal is?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.13   pony girl bang

      So, y’all are at Oxford, huh?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.14   Not Up to Snuff

      oi,

      Dude, Dip-pal has t’ be a guy, unless you know some seriously “Old Skoal” women…not that there would be anything wrong with that…

      Complimentarily, uncertainly, and correspondingly yours,
      W. Heisenberg

      Composed in the back seat of a used VW Quantum driving through Copenhagen and signed for Prof. Heisenberg by Sandra, THX @11:38

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.15   oi

      You could use whatever name you like TOS, I know who you are.

      Complimentarily, uncertainly, and correspondingly yours,
      Dippal
      p.s Dippal is a female

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.16   Palomon bang

      Yep. She’s better’n you.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.17   Not Up to Snuff

      oi,

      Oh, you meant Dippal *without* the hyphen…my bad!

      I may occasionally be traditional, but I’m not The Old School.

      Dippal shows up via Google as sometimes male, sometimes female.

      Skoal,
      Gunnar

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.18   oi bang

      If you say so snuffy.
      btw good job deciphering TOS. ☻
      dippal is been traditionally a girl’s name. but some new parents felt that why boys should left out from having such a pretty(sarcastic smiley) name? so boys are named dippal too now.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.19   spottedbuddy bang

      #17.14, you forgot to direct everyone to Casey in human resources with any questions.

      Oct 18, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.20   infant tyrone bang

      Dude,

      Sandra is part-timing for Werner H. who is a subcontractor for Schrodinger Veterinary Transport, Inc.

      Even though she appreciates the dicey, almost nebulous, nature of her relationship to Prof. H. as a contract worker and the Prof.’s similarly uncertain relationship to the Cat-in-the-Hatbox people (you will recall the clever commercials that tweaked the competition’s nose by using the tag line “When you open the box, will the cat be Fed, or will it be Ex?”), yes, even though Sandra knows all this, she still tried to get a few questions (pretty sure it was three) pitched toward Casey’s desk.

      But of course, the HR department operates under the Rutherford model. Casey indeed made three extra-human essays at the questions, but since you can’t (roller skate in a buffalo herd or) hit an electron cloud with a Louisville slugger, well, the otherwise Casey done struck out…which is why Sandra is, well, if not positive about the inefficacy of Casey’s services vis a vis her (Sandra’s) part-time work, at least a lot less uncertain than she had been.

      Oct 18, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   park rose bang

    If her cell phone was ‘n the way is it any wonder it was picked up and placed somewhere less troublesome?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 2:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   spottedbuddy

      What the wonder is is that she wasn’t picked up and placed somewhere less troublesome.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:07 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   crumplet

    she sounds like she’s having a breakdown. oh no her email LOOKS like she’s having a breakdown!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 2:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Mica

    I’d fire her. o.0

    Oct 15, 2009 at 2:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    E-mail…so easy, a caveman could do it!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:02 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Gandalf

      Hey! Let’s not insult the cavemen! They did, after all, give us fire, the wheel, stone axes. What did they do to deserve such an insult?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Starred in a Sit-com.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 10:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   spottedbuddy bang

      #21.1: Sorry, Gandalf, but giving us Geico cancels out that entire list.

      Oct 18, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Renagade676

    Who let her near a company computer? I hope she’s not a company rep.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    I’ve long suspected that mail room workers were being unwittingly subjected to dangerous rays emitted by PitneyBowes equipment.

    Confirmation at last!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:22 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   park rose bang

    We as adults can’t return it if it doesn’t belong to you.
    Right.
    So what’s the problem? She obviously fences stolen goods. I’m sure she could cultivate a Fagin-like crew, and the smeary-faced, sticky-fingered urchins (they’ve been at the Chinese o-nigiri buffet) could ‘return’ things that didn’t belong to the note writer, to the note writer, if adults can’t do the job. And that phone is hers? Sure, sure.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 4:29 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Bison o'gram Echoes

      park rose,

      Loved your “…to the note writer, to the note writer,…”

      Reminds me of
      “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo”

      Oct 16, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   park rose

      rose, thanks, man of many plumes.
      He said that that that that that boy used was incorrect.
      That one’s quicker to understand than the buffalo one, mainly because I never knew buffalo was also a verb.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 1:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Bison o'gram Echoes

      ‘S’nuff said I reckon, leastways for tonight here…

      That x 5 or buffalo x 8 either parlay wins big, one for ease of quicker understanding, the other for sheer numbers…

      Oct 16, 2009 at 3:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Bison o'gram Echoes

      rose,

      Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace (PBUH) has a line (going from memory here but not likely very far off) “He was the kind of man who didn’t need much, much less much more.”

      Doesn’t look like much when the lights are down low, but try writing a successor when the sun is out…without re-visiting “that” or “buffalo”…
      and keeping it half as tight.

      P.S. Oh, yeah…200th! Everyone take a bow if you like !

      Oct 16, 2009 at 3:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   GK bang

    You are all EDUCATED STUPID. $25 boost mobile phone is N The Way Truth. You are ignorant evil Walmart-less word murderers who will recall the message! Poison mail room is evil plot to destroy perfect email. From sunup to sunup is 4 #’s! One # day is an EVIL LIE.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 5:15 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   anglophile bang

      You snotbrains will know hell for ignoring TimeCube.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   heartlessmachine

      This comment reads like a palindrome, except when read backwards.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Tradeoffs...Always Tradeoffs

      Glo,

      At least those that ignored TimeCube will finally learn what the hell Dr. Bronner was trying to tell us on the soap bottle labels.

      I guess Hell will be a place to count your blessings…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   park rose bang

    What’s she got against the unplanned? Or are bastard children mistakes as well? Everyone knows that mail rooms are full of bastards.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 5:55 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Kathryn

    I’m tempted to give this as an editing quiz to my seventh graders. Is that too mean?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 5:56 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Critical Grass bang

      If you do that they’ll think they’re masters in writing coherency.

      So… That’s not mean, that’s just too dangerous.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Seanette bang

      Might qualify as torturing the poor kids, making them attempt to decipher this.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   10,000,000 to 1 Odds, But...

      Check your roster very, very carefully first.

      What if Ms. Place is the proud parent of one of your 7th graders ?

      What happens when Li’l Suzie gets home + shows Mom her A+ editing job?

      Parent-Teacher Night just changed venue to The Twilight Zone…

      On the other hand….Lil Suzie might just keep this A+ to herself and be your never-ending source of PAN-joy from the Place’s fridge door.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Wade bang

    IF IT’S NOT YOURS DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS ON IT.

    Her parents must have played a lot of Georgia Satellites while she was growing up.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 6:17 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Critical Grass bang

      Keep your dickbeaters off my $25 cell phone!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:52 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Thanks!

      My dad used to say dickskinners. “Go wash your dickskinners, boy!” he would yell to my brother before supper, and there I was totally confused.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   mamason bang

      Good times.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   spottedbuddy

      Just had to stop back in and tell you that song has been stuck in my head all day thanks to you. :^D

      Oct 15, 2009 at 6:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   Wade bang

      Success! :D

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Dana

    Thank you for this rare and insightful look into the inner life of a telephone customer (dis)service rep. I’ve often wondered what they were doing while I was left on perma-hold.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   J to tha H

      I’m guessing she works at one of the state agencies in Richmond.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Palomon bang

      Ha. “Perma-hold.” Nice. Sounds like hair product.
      How ’bout “infini-hold?”

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   You Kids Today....

      In the old days of computer tech support we called it “Being on Ignore”

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Beth

    All your base are belong to us!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   ET Phone Home

      All your Boost are belong to us.

      The Ensure we no likea much so you keep your hands on it OK.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Havingfitz

    *ring* Oh, hey, Bree. What up? What? Oh no, I just finish sendin’ an email on accounnta someone done stole my phone. People round here do NOT know how to act, I’mma tell you. What? What chu mean, what am I talkin’ to you on if my phone is missing…Yo, Bree, you smart. Ya’ll know how to recall an email?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:52 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Critical Grass bang

    Definitely a crack baby… AND a crack user.
    Shame…

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Gandalf

      Hey! Let’s not insult crack babies, and crack users!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   adam

    You have to at least appreciate the time she took in careful selecting the type size to correctly show her mood.

    Or not, you know, whatever.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:55 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   park rose bang

      She only typed because she left her sharpies in the mail room.

      ( I know I made a similar joke earlier in the thread, though it is way down there…but no-one has done this one yet, I think. I’ve been twiddling my thumbs, waiting, waiting, waiting…)

      Oct 17, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   jennifer

    lol! What a moran!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Critical Grass bang

      Oh boy, not again with the mormons!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      or the gorgons

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      or the nylons

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.4   farcical aquatic ceremony

      or the nylabones

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.5   farcical aquatic ceremony

      or the trombones

      (I just decided it’d be more fun to make my own thread than to pick on Jennifer)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.6   Geek Goddess

      Or the hambones connected to the earbones, the earbones connected to the cell phones, the cell phones (dis)connected to the

      oops, where was I going with this?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.7   Critical Grass bang

      (dis)connected to the MORMONS!
      Uh… You almost got the entire answer.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.8   Palomon bang

      Cylons. Let’s get back on track, folks.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.9   MAMARILLA2 bang

      My Daleks trump your cylons..

      Oct 17, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Aaron

    WHY SO SERIOUS?!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:12 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   HappyNat

    What kind of work do you do in your office Ashley? Eat paste? I have a hard time imagining how the person who wrote this e-mail could contribute anything to a professional office.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   spottedbuddy bang

      Unfortunately, the inability to contribute anything whatsoever to a professional office does not in any way prevent one’s employment in one. In fact, in some cases it ensures it.

      Oct 18, 2009 at 12:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   adnoxious

    I find it hard to believe that Miss Place actually possesses the intelligence needed to operate a cell phone.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Ashley

    She’s SO SERIOUS!!!! she couldn’t take the time to proofread her e-mail! This is serious business, guys, they stole her really cheap disposable cell phone!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      She DID proofread. You should have seen the first version.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Critical Grass bang

    Sometimes I hate digital inclusion.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   TP

    I was just reading Eats Shoots and Leaves today and if this note was ever a candidate for being published in the next revision of this book – well I don’t know what all yall think of that but I AM SO SERIOUS!!!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 8:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   ParadoxThree bang

      Maybe not such a good idea. If Lynne Truss saw this, she’d probably have an aneurysm. :(

      Oct 15, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Rachet

    … um…

    “all yall”?!

    Ya stupid hick! Ya don’t use BOTH of ‘em together like that! Only the most ignorant do!

    Oh…wait….

    Oct 15, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   N/A

      All y’all is actually correct, she just missed the apostrophe. Y’all is singular and all y’all is plural.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:15 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Critical Grass bang

      Wow, you wouldn’t think that she got something right in that e-mail.

      Talk about giving her the benefit of the doubt, huh?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   mystic_eye_cda

      I always thought it was “alls y’all”

      But I’m from up north, waaaay north (ok not really, I’m in Toronto which isn’t that far north though people believe it is)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.4   millie

      Oh, hell no. There’s no need to try to make “all” carry the entire plural weight with an “s”.
      Let’s try this: “Y’all” is a plural, and “all y’all” is more abundantly plural. It’s like going up in scale from talking about “people” to the even more general “mankind”.
      (Or, if you’re in a crowded room, “y’all” is directed at the folks in the close vicinity, and “all y’all” is for everyone in the room.)

      Southernisms are fun. :D

      Oct 15, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.5   Y'all Ain't Just Whistlin'...

      Y’all should be plural, but since at least the mid-60′s people in Texas have been using it as both singular and plural (thankfully not at the same time).

      Your proposal for “all y’all” indicating a larger (your “more abundant”) addressed audience is good, but I have seen groups of as few as three teenage boys told that “all y’all better do x or y or z”, where the use of “all” was obviously meant to get the attention of the least attentive one or two monsters. Just sayin’…it can be used for emphasis rather then to signify a larger number.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.6   pony girl bang

      I’ve never heard anyone use y’all singularly.
      That is just weird.
      I thought that y’all was short for you all.
      How can one person be an ‘all’ ?
      Unless they’re REALLY big, but that would just be rude.

      I’ve never heard ‘all y’all’ either.
      I must hang around with the wrong types of people.

      I actually bought a Texas dictionary when I first moved here. Can’t seem to find it though…

      THIS IS N THE WAY
      I AM SO SERIOUS

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.7   Honest Native American

      PG,

      I was an imported Senior @ Reagan H.S. 1967-68.

      Heard y’all used one on one all the time, swear on a Stetson…

      My hypothesis is that it is a Southern (maybe local only to Texas) sort-of reverse version of the way 2nd person familiar singular is used all the time in Spanish, but 2nd person familiar plural is very rare. (At least rarely used in U.S./Mexican Spanish.)

      “Y’all” just evolved to mean what non-Southerners mean when they use “you” in either 2nd person singular or plural. The use of “y’all” for singular is more common than the use of Spanish 2nd person familiar plural (all that -ais stuff).

      Think of it as a Texas analog of two California H.S. girls addressing each other (singly, and without any irony or linguistic cutesyness) as “Dude”.

      Millie is right…Southernisms are a gas…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.8   pony girl bang

      Honest Native American,

      Dude.
      I totally understood that.
      Mahalo,
      pony girl

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.9   Remember the Maine

      PG,

      If you studied Spanish somewhere(s), it makes sense you’d get it.

      Otherwise, let’s us do an office pool on some Power-Ball tickets!

      (Let somebody else figure out how they came up with “let’s us”.)

      See you bumby,
      HNA/M o t W

      Oct 15, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.10   Neeners

      I lived in Texas for four years and I am still unable to make sense of y’all. To me this would come out meaning the equivalent of “all [of] you all” which makes no sense. I was never addressed as y’all when alone.
      I still have nightmares though.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.11   Palomon bang

      As for the Spanish second person familiar stuff, my attitude is, The Bible was written in English and that should be good enough for all y’all.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.12   Wade bang

      All y’all’re crazy if’n y’all think y’all is ever singular.

      I AM SO SERIOUS

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.13   park rose

      Palomon, English, Spanish, Bible, it’s all Greek to me.

      Wade, srsly? ;)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.14   Wade bang

      Είμαι τόσο σοβαρό!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.15   On the Road to Damask-us

      And Paul wrote…I Essene the Light

      And Waylon asked…Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way ?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.16   Remember the Maine

      Neeners,

      4 yrs involuntarily living in TX…yer a survivor, congrats + condolences…

      y’all = you all (aka 2nd Person Plural) = all of you

      I don’t follow/see where you all = all of you all, but then I don’t live in TX anymore either, so what do either of us know?

      I suspect y’all became so popular because the native TX accent makes “you” come out sounding like either a tree or a response to something remarkably repugnant.

      Sweet dreams now, Sugah!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.17   Palomon bang

      Park mentioned my name!
      (I hope she’s a chick.)

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   anglophile bang

    Jerry Whipplesmith, CEO of A-One Widgets Inc, adjusted his monitor. He took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes, and then put his glasses back on again. He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced. Wrong again. With a heavy sigh, he got up from his chair and went out to his executive assistant’s desk.

    “Miss Place, I need you to make a phone call for me,” he said, mustering every last ounce of his patience.

    Miss Place looked up from admiring her new acrylic tips. She was glad she had gone with the purple instead of the neon blue.

    “Whom would you like me to call, Mr. Whipplesmith?”

    “Yourself.”

    “Myself?”

    “Yourself, on your cell phone.”

    Isn’t that just like a Boss, thought Miss Place. Why on earth did he need her to call herself? He was standing right there! But Bosses are dumb. They never know what they’re doing. Mr. Whipplesmith, for instance, orders his coffee wrong every single day. No one drinks coffee without sugar and raspberry syrup, so she always had to add that to his order. He didn’t ever thank her for it, either. Dolly Parton was right, Miss Place thought as she called her cell phone. You just use your mind and they never give you credit. It’s enough to drive you crazy if you–wait a minute, is that her phone? Well isn’t that the oddest thing? She can hear the phone ringing through the earpiece in her ear, but she can also hear her ringtone at the same time. Maybe she should change it from “If You Seek Amy”, that song is so old.

    “Miss Place!”

    “Yes, Mr. Whipplesmith?”

    “Your Inbox is ringing.”

    And there it was. Her phone. Underneath this morning’s mail in her inbox. Huh.

    “Why, Mr. Whipplesmith! How did you know it was there?”

    Mr. Whipplesmith didn’t answer. He picked up Miss Place’s keyboard and pried a key off it, then turned and went back to his office, without saying a word.

    Miss Place decided to send out an all-company e-mail about how stupid they were in the mailroom. Who cares how cute Jamal is, she wasn’t going to date anyone from the mailroom anyway.

    Her left pinky slid over to click the Caps Lock key and encountered nothing but a hole.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 9:17 am   rating: 100  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   nativefloridian

      Epic win.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Critical Grass bang

      ‘Glo, you made me cry.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   tibb

      Hahahahahaha!!

      I love this!!!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   pony girl bang

      I am going to print this up and frame it.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.5   jenocide

      I want to make love to this comment.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.6   No Sex Please, We're British

      You just did…we could tell by your naughty ringtone…

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.7   lownote

      ‘glo I think I love you!

      Oct 16, 2009 at 3:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.8   anglophile bang

      :oops:

      Aw, shucks. All y’all are making me blush.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 8:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.9   angelbreath

      if this comment had feet, i’d rub them for hours.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 1:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   nativefloridian

    Epic win

    Oct 15, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   nativefloridian

      …and that’s my epic loss

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   Deldobuss

    THIS IS N THE WAY

    my thoughts exactly. . .

    Oct 15, 2009 at 9:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Critical Grass bang

    Yes, I have myopia and astigmatism.
    Thank you doctor Place.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Lucy Jacobs

    I do not wish to criticize her if she grew up speaking a foreign language.

    If she grew up in the U.S., I suggest that she check into anger-management. Rage must impair her ability to think.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   WBolesNYC

    everything about this makes me cringe. especially the thought of what they must be like in person.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   LadyMac

    Picked up by a mistake?

    How very rude to call other people “mistakes”. I guess she’ never made one. Oh. Wait. Never mind.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   César

    Watch this video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTosQerWBzU&channel=LILSHOWSTOPPA

    It’s like she wrote this email.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Phillip

    That cell phone was fucking delicious.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:43 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   tibb

    See this is the sad state of our education system, no one knows how to spell, or to string a sentence together. People actually send out, or print a message that sounds or looks like their txts would.
    SAD!
    (and is it me, but the voice I hear that would be speaking these words sounds like the woman in the auto insurance commercial that is playing a pothole)

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Aly

      There was a news article awhile back pertaining to that. Some time ago they were considering going to phonetic spelling since children were already turning in papers written in “text speak.” How sad.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #51.2   Palomon bang

      “Txts.”
      Parentheses around a clause without a sentence. Rage on about grammar and punctuation, tibb (sic). Rage on.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   Flaboy2425

    I would like to meet Miss Place. She would be great on a date. I would listen to her yammer away about nothing that made sense and Just wrestle and have fun together. WOW, what a thought.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   daMamma

    Was this an office for the illiterate or the under educated? Good grief, this note writer is scary!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   eddy

    I’m more amazed that she got those instances of ‘YOUR’ correct. I would have expected at least one “DON’T PUT YOU’RE HANDS ON IT” in there.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Jonathan

      Everyone knows that the apostrophe key is actually a shift key for the letter S at the end of a word and has no other function. If you don’t press it, you’ll get a virus.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #55   Flaboy2425

    My apology for the misplaced capital J. I did some editing and forgot to change it to lowere case

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   GK bang

      Lowere case, you say, gigglebrax man?

      Oct 16, 2009 at 7:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #56   pony girl bang

    Pffttt.
    Everyone knows it’s y’all, not yall.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   oi bang

    IF IT’S NOT OURS DON’T PUT YOUR HANS ON IT.
    why does that sound vaguely dirty?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #57.1   Critical Grass bang

      Oi, were you being private with someone else’s privates?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 1:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #57.2   oi

      is there anything wrong with that CG?

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #57.3   Critical Grass bang

      No. Not at all y’all.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #58   oi bang

    “The phone does not have any ting but numbers”
    My phone also has nice little cabinets full of money diamonds and pearls.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   mel

    WHY SO SERIOUS…?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #59.1   pony girl bang

      Oh, it is killing me.
      WHAT is that from?
      I just saw it.
      Dangit.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.2   nuvo

      You are killing me. It’s from the dark knight (latest in batman series), joker’s pet phrase.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #59.3   pony girl bang

      Thank you!
      It’s been bothering me since I read it this morning. It was on the tip of my brain.
      Now, if only fox news would get rid of that freaking fly, I could get on with my day.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #60   oi bang

    I have a feeling that mail room fax machine picked up her cell phone with this irresistible pick up line,
    IF IT’S NOT OURS DO PUT YOUR HANS ON IT

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Bynnie

    I’m not usually a grammar nazi, but that actually hurt my brain to read. How could anyone allow themselves to send out an email like that? And how did it not occur to her to just call her cell? That’s like standard procedure for a misplaced phone.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   Pers

    OH-EM-GEE!

    She’s HULKING OUT!

    “HULK SMASH! ARGH! GIMME CELLPHONE!”

    Oct 15, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   notolaf

    Does anybody know where I can get the new QuickGrow font for my PAN notes?

    Oct 15, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #63.1   Operators Are Standing By

      QuickGrow is available free with every order of Wham-O Instant Fish* or Sea-Monkeys*.

      *Currently distributed by Anachronisms-R- US.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #64   Me

    How does this person have a job and I couldn’t find one for months??? I AM SO SERIOUS

    Oct 15, 2009 at 1:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #64.1   Palomon bang

      Expectations management, pal. Aim low.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #65   Sheepish bang

    She must think that Kanye West is a genius.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #65.1   Critical Grass bang

      Ow, ow… I’m really happy for you and Imma let you finish… I just have to say that Me’s comment (the one just above yours) is the best comment I’ve ever seen in my life!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #66   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Aren’t we missing the obvious here? Clearly, this gal is from that tribe that speaks the language with all the clicks in it. .. Poor “N THE WAY” (or, rather, “N*click*THE*click**click*WAY”) is actually an extremely gifted communicator, and her message would make perfect sense to us if (a.) her keyboard had a *click* key, and (b.) anyone apart from her fellow tribespeople understood what the *click*s mean…

    (Or, it could be that the author’s 3-inch-long nails caused indiscriminate striking of the ‘Caps Lock’ key, while the dropped words and atrocious grammar were a result of the mesmerizing effect of the sparkly faux-diamonds accenting the sunset scenes painted on said fingernails.)

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #66.1   Kate

      plussed you just for the name Mr farcical aquatic ceremony

      Oct 15, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #67   pony girl bang

    I don’t know.
    Maybe we should cut her some slack.
    Maybe she’s just gone a bit whackadoodle from watching the FoxNews Live Stream with the bug stuck on screen and she’s been trying to figure out if the bug is on the inside or outside of the helicopter. I mean, that would have to be a really fast fly. Do flies even fly that high? Or is the fly on the inside of the helicopter, but if so, why is he RIGHT there, is he trying to be discovered? is he stuck to the end of the lens? why is he moving around like that? is he in his death throes? is there wind coming in? and if so, why is it not being knocked off? Is no one at FoxNews watching this? Can’t they tell someone to kill that freaking fly and get it the hell of the screen? I can’t look away, and I have things to do and I just really need them to move that stupid fly!
    I AM SO SERIOUS

    Oct 15, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #67.1   Paging Robert Redford

      Someone here needs to be whispered to in very calm, soothing tones.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 4:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #67.2   Critical Grass bang

      Wow… So many interesting questions!

      Oct 15, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #68   Marty

    Everyone should chip in and get her an iphone…

    Oct 15, 2009 at 6:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #68.1   pony girl bang

      Yeah.
      She went loco when she lost her cheap-ass Boost phone.
      Imagine the size of the hissy fit she will have when she finds that she has MISS PLACED her iphone.
      (and you know she will)

      On second thought, that is a stellar idea.
      I would love to see the iphone note.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 6:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #68.2   When the windows all are broken and your love's become a toothless Cronenberg

      PG,

      Does the title “Scanners” come into play here?

      When she loses that iphone, she’ll just……

      Diamond Head-edly,
      Dupree

      Oct 15, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #68.3   pony girl bang

      Dupree,
      I just pulled that movie out a few nights ago! Every year at this time, I take out all of my scary movies and sort through them for some horror marathons.
      Like to scare the pants off myself around Halloween.
      What can I say?
      I’m just that sorta pony.
      and yes, that is what I imagine would happen to this woman.
      I’ll chip in a few bucks towards an iphone for this loon.

      Mount Bonnell-edly,
      pony girl

      Oct 16, 2009 at 7:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #69   Aly

    And…I’m just curious, does anyone think she checked the lost and found? Generally people of this education level forget that step in the process. Check lost and found, check with supervisors, check with security…then bitch.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #70   Will

    just by changing a little punctuation, and her zany font choices, you can make a nice little poem:

    this is n the way
    I guess my cell phone
    was picked up
    by a mistake
    from the mail room
    this morning

    it was only
    a $25 Boost Mobile phone
    they are sold at Walmart if you want
    1

    so return that one please
    this is work place
    we can’t, Miss Place

    something of ours and we as
    adults can’t return it
    if it doesn’t belong to you

    all yall
    where taught
    if it’s not yours,
    don’t put your hands on it

    the phone doesn’t have anything,
    but my #’s in it…

    if you can atleast
    take the time
    to write my #’s down
    an leave them

    where you picked my phone
    up
    at

    I am
    so serious

    thank you

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:43 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #70.1   Critical Grass bang

      My favorite part is adults can’t return it.

      You’re a true artist, Will.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 7:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #70.2   Palomon bang

      That’s all Miss Serious was doing; a little free-writing to have something to work into a poem. Will has figured her out.

      Oct 15, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #71   Neeners

    Explanation:

    Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

    Oct 15, 2009 at 7:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #71.1   mouse

      my parents adopted 3 children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. All three of them write better than this.

      Oct 17, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #71.2   Canthz_B bang

      Sure…when they’re sober, but I strongly suspect this note-writer wasn’t within a stones throw of sobriety.

      Oct 17, 2009 at 2:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #72   aaa bang

    At first, I was thinking “Hey! This is a fucking brilliant prank!” But when I got to the part about the sender trying to recall the email, I was all “Fuck man, fucking stupidity strikes again!” And then I made this face D: and went to cry in a corner.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #73   bcteagirl

    Ok, so who is going to volunteer to encase the cell phone in Jello tomorrow? You can find it in the mailroom.

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #74   Renagade676

    Sheer grammar ignorance strikes again!

    Oct 15, 2009 at 11:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #75   bcteagirl

    Her office (If you can call the mail room an office) mates probably hid it.

    They were sick and tired of conversations seemed to be coming from a bipolar on an acid trip. The combination of bad grammar, y’alls and discussions about Walmart and trailers were making their ears bleed. You can’t blame them really.

    Oct 16, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #76   Susannie

    My favourite part is that she requested the thief to write down her phone numbers! Hehehe.. I’m only guessing, but don’t think thiefs are hign on the trait conscientiousness

    Oct 16, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #77   Naomi

    who cares about the typos and caps? why doesn’t she just dial the damned number and find her phone that way? that’s how i find mine when it’s on my very messy desk covered with papers.

    Oct 16, 2009 at 3:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #77.1   Susannie

      Honey, the phone is no more. The parts are already been sold to Norway and Finland!

      Oct 16, 2009 at 4:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #77.2   unfortun8one

      I took the phone.

      Damn, it won’t flush!

      Oct 16, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #77.3   aaa bang

      People who choose to throw etrantrums and then send it to everyone and their brother are often not conscientious enough to manage their spelling and grammar or to do the logical thing like calling the phone. These people must be educated. Forcefully.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #78   Choad

    Is this written in Ebonics?

    Oct 16, 2009 at 10:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #79   Bearilla

    From someone who works there: The person who wrote this is a man, baby.

    Oct 16, 2009 at 12:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #79.1   aaa bang

      Well, he may have been male, but I seriously doubt he was a man.

      Oct 16, 2009 at 1:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #80   Leah

    While viewing the completely gross Boost commercials, I have always wondered WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD SEE THIS COMMERCIAL and think, “I want THAT phone”???

    This confirms my suspicions.

    Oct 18, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #81   Boomshine

    Boost Mobile: Yo dawg, where your phone at?

    Oct 19, 2009 at 4:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #81.1   LOL

      where the phone and sh*T … him downstairs…

      Oct 20, 2009 at 9:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #82   VSU Vince

    Ok. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she was rushing. You know like trying to hurry up and get the email out before her cell phone was gone forever. But as I tried correcting the errors and sentence structures while reading DAMN if the next sentence was mucked up and the next one and the next one and the next one. So I went back read it just like it was written and man that shit was funny as hell. The office should allow her to send more emails out to keep the employees hypedl!!!Please send more please!!!!

    Oct 20, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #83   Morgan

    there are PLENTY of literate people who are unemployed. why does this person have a job.

    Oct 20, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #84   Antony

    Every time I read the end, I can’t help but burst into giggles.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #85   NoNameAvailable

    Why SO SERIOUS?

    Feb 9, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #85.1   jetjackson bang

      I think someone got there first #35

      Feb 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

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