Jonathan, John and Michael share a roof deck with their next-door neighbors in San Francisco, who Jonathan says “repeatedly, and seemingly sincerely, invited us to use their barbecue grill any old time.”
One weekend, JJ&M decided to take them up on their offer. They organized a small cook-out for friends and (oh-so-thoughtfully) invited the neighbors to join. “They did,” Jonathan says, “and a good time was had by all.”
Then, the next day, this gracious thank-you note was slipped under their door.
related: blowing smoke
135 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
What John failed to understand is that in California an invitation to “use my grill anytime” has nothing to do with mesquite, but might have a lot to do with brats and partying.
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: +9
#2
pony girl
So, only John is disallowed from using said grill?
Jonathan and Michael are still allowed to use it?
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:19 am rating: +14
#3
pony girl
Dear John letters are always so heartbreaking.
It’s not just the time that we spent together, it’s all of those memories that we’ll never make.
* sniff* ’scuse me, I..I need a moment..
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: +31
#4
gotochelle
This isn’t all that funny. Maybe John made a mess and didn’t clean the grill properly.
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:25 am rating: +32
#5
Adam
The note writers “u” in use is oddly written.
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:26 am rating: +5
#6
bowloftoast
Clearly there was some breach of BBQ etiquette at the soiree.
I’m going to guess drunken human sacrifice (and a failure to clean the grill).
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:28 am rating: +26
#7
Canthz_B
Poor neighbor in SF should have known what two male roommate John intended to do with his grill after getting him to drink that ninth beer.
What a sucker! Boy, did he blow it!!
Gargle well, Neighbor.
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: +1
#8
Canthz_B
John,
The spare ribs looked great.
I suppose I should have mentioned that we’re strictly kosher.
Please do not use my grill again.
Your friend and neighbor,
Saul Kirschner
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:37 am rating: +37
#9
Canthz_B
I guess now John has to go back to the drawing board if he wants to use something.
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:40 am rating: +3
#10
Canthz_B
“A good time was had by all.” far too often means “Dude, we got so wasted! I don’t even remember pissing into the grill!!”
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:43 am rating: +55
#11
Canthz_B
Perhaps John was a little overzealous in his use of the the BBQ, but he’s the only guy in town with grill marks on his wiener!
What? You think it’s easy being a trend-setter in a town like San Francisco?!
Oct 20, 2009 at 3:33 am rating: +7
#12
aaa
Hospitality
They never really meant it
Don’t puke in the grill
Oct 20, 2009 at 4:09 am rating: +39
#13
Canthz_B
My grill is your grill,
Just don’t leave grease or leave grime.
Oops, now you’ve done it.
Oct 20, 2009 at 4:54 am rating: +3
#14
jjuice
The note to John was intended for the two Johns (John and Jonathan).
Michael (Barrymore) was obviously left off as he was in custody ………
Oct 20, 2009 at 6:31 am rating: 0
#15
fan
it was John, Jonathon and Michael who were at fault. The notewriter is a very class act. He just felt so out of place at the BBQ. A good time was not had by all! He was expecting more of a party, it was his grill after all. John, Jonathon and Michael should have put a little more flair into the planning of the BBQ, like hats! Mongolian hats! Maybe a little cake and fruit would have been in order. The grill cannot be used in such a casual manner, a grill doesn’t mean just a meal, get the grill out and it’s time for a theme party! Maybe something with polka dancing?
Oct 20, 2009 at 7:26 am rating: +25
#16
GS
Wait… what?
Oct 20, 2009 at 7:33 am rating: +1
#17
Renagade676
Ok, let me get this straight….
They offer you their grill to use, you use it once and share your meat with them, and they just retract their offer the following day without telling you WHY, and on a thank you card, nonetheless.
Wow. How rude.
And pointless.
Oct 20, 2009 at 7:45 am rating: +15
#18
NYA
THIS DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE. EITHER J J AND MIKE
LEFT A MESS ON THE GRILL… AND IN THAT CASE… SO WHAT!!! THE IM SURE THIER NEIGHBORS ATE THE FREE FOOD THAT WAS COOKED ON IT!!!!! OR THIER NEIGHBORS ARE PSYCHO
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:04 am rating: +1
#19
Jeff
Did you at least invite him to your cookout? I’d be pissed too if someone used my grill and didn’t offer me any.
You should slide some leftovers under his door.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:04 am rating: 0
#20
Val
I wonder what condition they left the grill in? lol
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 0
#21
farcical aquatic ceremony
note was meant to read:
“Please, do not use my GIRL again”
John left her covered in crusty sauce, you see.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: +2
#22
Joe 2
The same thing happened to me. The neighbor said “anytime”, then changed it to “never”. My offense: I cooked pork on his grill. He’s Muslim.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: +4
#23
Xphr
No, no, no! You’ve got it all wrong.
JJM, obviously being fabulous party-throwers as they live in SF, have the ability to tell when someone is not having fun and how to correct the situation. The party itself was a blast.
What the neighbors obviously have a problem with was their subpar grilling skills. Medium-well doesn’t mean char the meat to a shriveled husk, throw it on a plate, and smother in ‘homehade BBQ sauce’ (aka ketchup and vinegar).
Really, this is a crime against humanity and the neighbors’ were right to address it, even if it was a little on the wimpy side.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:21 am rating: +1
#24
RoxyBlue
Obviously something went seriously wrong at the “good time had by all”.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:52 am rating: +1
#25
Sara
He probably only wanted them to use the grill for making a quick meal for themselves, not for throwing a party. “You can use my grill anytime” does not equal “Go ahead and throw a party using my grill!” Also, did they invite the grill’s owner to the party? If not, that’s rude. And was the grill cleaned after the party? If not, I can see why this note was left.
Oct 20, 2009 at 9:52 am rating: +5
#26
bullwinkle
I second the idea that maybe the guy didn’t clean it. But then again, the note should have said “please clean my grill next time” if that was the case.
Oct 20, 2009 at 10:33 am rating: 0
#27
Neeners
There is only one thing to do, they must go buy a much bigger and better grill than the neighbors, one with huge BTU’s (that’s grill talk for heap big flamage) and have ‘GRILL WARS’. Sounds like the newest of those interesting reality shows on the Discovery Channel after American Loggers.
Oct 20, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: +15
#28
Critical Grass
When there’s sunshine
Or if it’s a cloudy day.
Even if it’s cold outside,
I’ve got my all seasons super-expensive eletric grill.
Well, I guess you’ll say
What can make me feel this way?
My grill. (My grill, my grill)
Talkin’ ’bout my grill. (My grill)
Oct 20, 2009 at 10:39 am rating: +9
#29
elizabeth
OMG we don’t have “cook-outs” in California.
Oct 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm rating: +1
#30
Makya
One shouldn’t joke about such things. These types of incidents have been known to escalate. A similar note, in 1870, started the Franco-Prussian War.
emailstudy.wordpress.com
Oct 20, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: +4
#31
Neeners
What people are missing here is the hidden meaning behind ‘you can use my grill anytime you want’. It is code for “you can use MY grill ANY old time you want” (big boy) or “Hey let’s hook up”, so when John didn’t quite get it, there were issues involved.
Oct 20, 2009 at 3:00 pm rating: +1
#32
Cat
My best guess: He simply forgot to clean it.
Oct 20, 2009 at 4:36 pm rating: +1
#33
Jen
Dumbass should have asked first, despite the open invitation. I tell my friends they can borrow my books “any time” but if they walked into my house unannounced and took one, I’d be none too pleased.
Oct 20, 2009 at 5:08 pm rating: +2
#34
Bob Loblaw
I got a boner when I read that
Oct 20, 2009 at 6:25 pm rating: 0
#35
cTo
Honestly, I am going to side with the BBQ owner. It’s one thing to use your neighbors grill to toast some of your own dinner. It’s quite another to invite a bunch of your friends over to use said grill and not ask him/her first. I am a very open and sharing person, but this exact thing happened at the last place I lived at, where the the upstairs neighbor guys asked one night to use our grill to cook some burgers and we said sure no problem, whenever, and then two weeks later came home one evening and found 13 people on the back patio packed around it. It is self-entitled and rude.
That being said, this note is classic passive aggressive, so I approve of it.
(Also, I hope you paid to replace the gas/charcoal you used if you didn’t have your own. Our wanker neighbors sure didn’t.)
Oct 21, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: +2
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