writes our anonymous submitter in Cleveland: “My roommate Mike is usually a generous guy, but he’s very possessive of his coffee, beef jerky, and other certain food indulgences. This note was sort of touching; he didn’t want to share, made that clear, but then decided he probably should — not for me though, but for his waistline. What a sweetheart!”
related: you’re not wrong, walter
176 responses so far ↓
#1
leftfoot
ooooh Snowman guilt.. Time to start your shopping.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: 15
#2
f.crustacea
awww the little snowmen make it so worth it, it’s the sugar that makes the backhanded generosity go down!
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:18 pm rating: 6
#3
Canthz_B
The holiday season always brings out the best in Mike…I guess.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:23 pm rating: 10
#4
MrMurakami
On the first day of Christmas, my roommate gave to me. . . . a note written under the assumption that I simply must have one of his chocolate confections!
. . . and the impression that he believes 9 donuts are significantly healthier than 10.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:31 pm rating: 55
#5
zenvelo
of course it’s all different if they’re powdered instead of chocolate.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:33 pm rating: 2
#6
CK
What a sweetheart.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:34 pm rating: 1
#7
girl friday
eat only one. If you eat more than that my waist will be too small.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:35 pm rating: 7
#8
ArfArf
One donut? So generous. I suppose eating 9 donuts is okay, then.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:39 pm rating: 2
#9
MrMurakami
Those snowmen appear to be rejoicing for Mike’s magnanimous act, as well. Then again, it could be because it’s snowing.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:39 pm rating: 4
#10
Canthz_B
I notice Mike didn’t throw in one cup of his personal premium blend coffee to go with the one donut he so generously sort of offered.
Baby steps, Mike. You wouldn’t want to strain anything.
Oct 22, 2009 at 9:42 pm rating: 6
#11
Flaboy2425
Just for that, Mike, you can have a slice of my Navy style dried apricot pie, just a little slice though.
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:03 pm rating: 1
#12
bcteagirl
If roomie ate more than one they could just blame those plump looking snowmen
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:07 pm rating: 3
#13
aaa
Translation:
I know writing “DON’T TOUCH!” makes me look like a total douchebag, so I’m going to say it’s okay (enough) for you to eat my food. But seriously, don’t eat my food. I’ll knock your teeth out.
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: 21
#14
Will
WhatEVER!! Like borderline alcoholic college kids would ever be OK with you stealing their beer.
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:33 pm rating: 0
#15
park rose
It’s snowtime, folks!
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 3
#16
Eccentric_Lady
Well, if nine other people read that note, Mike might not have any donuts left. Then that’ll learn him leaving notes like that without having his share first…for y’know friends come over and things like that..
Oct 22, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 3
#17
park rose
There’snow business like snow business like snow business I know…
When you’re on a theme, stick to it like those little white flakes
cling to my nose hairsstick on my tongue.Oct 22, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 7
#18
Silhouette
It would really be hilarious if Mike stole that notepaper from the roommate.
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:09 pm rating: 3
#19
Silhouette
Some people say Mike is frosty, but that’s just a snow job. He’s actually cool. A little flaky, but never precipitous.
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:11 pm rating: 31
#20
Neeners
If they were doughnut ‘holes’ then could we have more than one?
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:13 pm rating: 0
#21
Neeners
What is the correct spelling doughnut or donut?
Is it like a dialectical thing?
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:14 pm rating: 0
#22
tapehead4
What a cute note for Santa!
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:15 pm rating: 6
#23
Neeners
He should’ve wrote ‘Do nut eat my donuts’
Oct 22, 2009 at 11:25 pm rating: 12
#24
Scooby Jenkins
That donut was fucking delicious.
Oct 23, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: 1
#25
Adam
Mmmm. Donuts…..
Oct 23, 2009 at 2:08 am rating: 3
#26
bowloftoast
I wonder if the snowman with the red scarf has button-envy?
Oct 23, 2009 at 2:30 am rating: 4
#27
RigaToni
If the roomie takes him up on the offer,I can’t wait for the winter-themed thank you card that says :
Roomie:
Please do not eat my donuts again.
Thank you,
Mike
Oddly, Mike has the same attitude about his bbq grill.
Oct 23, 2009 at 2:44 am rating: 5
#28
girl friday
He should lick all of them but one.
Oct 23, 2009 at 6:15 am rating: 2
#29
Canthz_B
There were originally four Magi, but Magi Mike couldn’t bring himself to part with an entire box of donuts and turned back mid-journey.
He was a sorry sight, sitting amongst the dunes, his chocolate streaked face the image of self-indulgent guilt, when the others finally re-joined his company.
Oct 23, 2009 at 6:25 am rating: 4
#30
Havingfitz
P.S. I heard you mention you were out of toilet paper. Check the counter; I left you a sheet.
Oct 23, 2009 at 6:42 am rating: 3
#31
Pers
Those donuts look substandard. Canadians know donuts and they don’t look like good donuts. Pass.
I’ll just munch on this here hockey puck, eh?
Oct 23, 2009 at 8:12 am rating: 3
#32
Err
What a dilemma! If I’m doing him a favor by eating one doughnut, would I’d be doing him a bigger favor by eating two? Or am I doing him a favor by not touching his doughnuts at all?
So I guess I’d have to go the evil roommate route.
Eat a bite out of one doughnut, put it back in the box and use the rest for skeet shooting.
Pull!
Oct 23, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: 2
#33
GhostWriter
Now I’m curious; what is the world record for waxy black chocolate-coated donuts eaten in one sitting?
Could it possibily be more than four?
Oct 23, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: 2
#34
Erin
You should have saved this for a “Spirit of Christmas” type post! It would have been perfect for the holidays!
Oct 23, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: 1
#35
kibrenner
Don’t those donuts come in boxes of 12? Well, I guess 2 dounts are better for you than a dozen.
Oct 23, 2009 at 9:56 am rating: 1
#36
GhostWriter
There’s only one left in the box.
Mike already ate the first nine (or eleven, as the case may be.)
Oct 23, 2009 at 10:57 am rating: 2
#37
Critical Grass
Bad, bad server. No donut for you!
Well… Maybe just one…
Oct 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm rating: 3
#38
oi
shit! I am craving a donut now. Not good. Craving won’t let me die and guilt after eating one won’t let me live. ugh I m in no man’s land.
Damn you! you spawn of evil damn you!
Oct 23, 2009 at 12:25 pm rating: 7
#39
farcical aquatic ceremony
I’ll be the lone voice on Team Mike–since the submitter writes that Mike is “usually a generous guy”, the way I read this, Mike is aware that he has a little problem letting go of his jerky (*snicker*) but is working on it, thus the joke at his own expense, the happy notepaper, and the willingness to part with one donut (as opposed to not sharing at all). I think the idea that someone’s a douche because they don’t want to share EVERYTHING they buy with their roommates is b.s., especially when you’re talking about cash-strapped young folks. For all we know, the submitter is one of those jerkwad roommates whose contributions to the food stores consist of tree bark cereal and plain yogurt and piously refuses to buy snack foods only to turn around and scarf them down as soon as the purchasers of said snack foods turn their backs.
Oct 23, 2009 at 1:25 pm rating: 6
#40
Ryan
Just saw a Scientology advertisement while reading this post. Seriously.
I guess the “beef jerky” keywords bring in the Xenu crowd.
Oct 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm rating: 2
#41
Jenna Patrick
“so I guess you can have one”
Have one box?
Oct 24, 2009 at 6:52 am rating: 1
#42
Sophia
Haven’t read all comments but that looks like an Entenmann’s box (sorry if it’s been mentioned) but dude can have every single one. I think I am the only one who finds Entenmann’s donuts really gross. The taste left in your mouth is like pure canola oil. *shudders*
Opps now i found the comment and could not disagree more. yuck!
Oct 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm rating: 2
#43
Bellabeastie
Wow–back after a long time missing. New peeps and old. (P.S. donuts in general gross me out, so that note would be viewed as an insult anyway. Leave me a lobster bisque and I will kiss your feet!)
Oct 25, 2009 at 9:41 am rating: 3
#44
Amanda
Mike is totally right… Eating 9 chocolate donuts is SO much better for you.
Oct 26, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: 0
#45
Cookie
I dunno… I’m not good at sharing food either.
I like how he decided to share AS he was writing the note, though. Funneh!
Oct 26, 2009 at 6:40 pm rating: 0
#46 the half-donut bandit
[...] approach — an e-mail intervention, of sorts. i’d also be interested to see his advice for mike in cleveland, who seems to have a similar delusion about the health impact of eating 9 donuts instead of [...]
Oct 28, 2009 at 11:28 pm rating: 0
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