Our anonymous submitter from Chicago says she and her four siblings recently received this somewhat cryptic e-mail from dear old dad.
Explains A: “The initials refer to our names (and spouses’ names, where applicable). Dad lives in West Bloomfield. I’m pretty sure it means he wants us to visit?”
related: love, Dad
147 responses so far ↓
#1
Heather
Dear Dad,
I believe the road goes in both directions.
Love,
Your Children
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:37 pm rating: +75
#2
Gunderson105
If the old fart has time to learn how to use the intratubes and write inane e-mails, hes got time to put on his Mr. Magoo glasses. hop in his Model-T and go visit his crotch fruit.
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm rating: +61
#3
park rose
Are any of the kids or spouses called Gregor or Julius (Augustus, perhaps?). Looks like some newfandangled* kind of calendar. Maybe Dad’s just a mendelsome kind of man. . . or lonely. Maybe he just wants to pease the kids. Maybe the kids are the results of a genetic experiment; one is smooth, one is yellow, one is wrinkled, one is green… so many hyphotheses, so few answers.
*Yes, I know it’s not a word.
** I see from the initials that Gregor is not an option. A middle name, perhaps?
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm rating: +4
#4
JetJackson
Looks like E & E had the right idea… move as far away as possible!
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:44 pm rating: +25
#5
jfruh
“What, you can’t get in your car and drive 15 hours to have your dear old dad bitch and compain at you, E. & E.? Bunch of ingrates!”
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:45 pm rating: +4
#6
kelty
aww, I think it’s kinda cute! only slightly P-A…
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:47 pm rating: +8
#7
anglophile
Who is T and why do they get off scot-free?
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:54 pm rating: +1
#8
mamason
It used to be that adult children with families of their own would pile into the car and travel as often as was possible to visit dear old dad and it was done with a level of cheerfulness not often found in these times.
Now, get off my lawn!
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:01 pm rating: +7
#9
Adam
This guy sounds like an alright dad. At least he’s reaching out.
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:06 pm rating: +7
#10
sharkbot
This may not even be a passive aggressive message – I got all sorts of bizarre distances between places when my dad learned to use Google maps.
Still not as bad as the day he discovered Youtube, however…
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:15 pm rating: +14
#11
Canthz_B
If dad only had S & M, 5m, .5 miles they’d never hear from him.
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:18 pm rating: +6
#12
G
“Are you planning a trip, Dad?”
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: +9
#13
Canthz_B
Did dad get this info online, or was it given to him by a 1928 Porter?
Hi, Mom!! Still nagging I see!
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: +2
#14
Canthz_B
Dear Dad,
They really have made air travel pretty safe.
Love,
E & E
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:35 pm rating: +5
#15
UnclGhost
Or maybe he’s getting them all a new Bloomfield/Intel i7 processor.
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 0
#16
notolaf
Maybe he wants them all to follow E&E’s Excellent Example.
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:50 pm rating: +2
#17
Canthz_B
Okay, who’s going to get out the map and compass and figure out where these neglectful inheritance vultures live?
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: +5
#18
Fleur325
Aww, this is the kind of email my dad would send. And, he IS coming to see me–2,022 miles, 1 day 8 hours–in a few weeks!
So cute, thanks, original submitter!
Nov 2, 2009 at 10:54 pm rating: +2
#19
Canthz_B
The “S’s” cancel, the “A’s” cancel, the “E’s” cancel leaving “JRK”…John and Robert Kennedy.
We have the who. If we can just figure out the meaning behind the time and distance we can wrap up two conspiracies with one PAN!
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: +11
#20
OhLawdy
Hey, 15 hours is LONG time.
Screw off, pops.
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 0
#21
infant tyrone
Hey, Bishop Ussher…
Looks like the “J’s” cancel too…
leaving TRK or TKR or RKT or RTK or KRT or KTR…which is NOT the ancient Ching Hexagram #888 (TuRKs are TaKeRs of RusTiK KaRTs for KaTeRing to RocKeT kartels)…
no, it’s not that, but it does raise some intriguing questions
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:26 pm rating: +3
#22
bowloftoast
Did it dawn on any of them that Pappy may be plotting missile trajectories?
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: +23
#23
newby Jeri
I think E & E live on Nantucket, if that is the general direction in which they moved. Which means, they got as far away as possible AND separated themselves by water. For shame, Pops.
Nov 2, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 0
#24
Jonathan
Wow, ping times sucked back when he was a boy.
Nov 3, 2009 at 12:20 am rating: +5
#25
drybamboo
I guess T____ still lives with their dad.
Nov 3, 2009 at 12:57 am rating: +1
#26
r3loaded
The only point he’s made is that he lives quite far away – even 191 miles is quite a drive, and not everyone can afford to travel that much that often.
Nov 3, 2009 at 1:23 am rating: +3
#27
Tammy
Just go visit your dad.
Nov 3, 2009 at 5:26 am rating: +1
#28
Critical Grass
My dad has an even more PA approach. He says:
Hey, remember when your mother and I gave you life? Good times, huh?
Nov 3, 2009 at 7:21 am rating: +15
#29
Woman on the Verge
Dad’s looking for a visit. They left out the last line:
“Putting more distance between me and your whiny asses? Priceless.”
Nov 3, 2009 at 8:54 am rating: +3
#30
Critical Grass
Dad,
Are you using Google Maps to guilt trip us again?
See, I never should’ve taught you how to use it.
And to think that I’ve helped you create your email account… Talk about regrets.
One more thing: stop using Street View to spy on us!
Love, …Oh, who are we kidding here?
Nov 3, 2009 at 9:21 am rating: +3
#31
Chris
Visit your damn father already. I feel bad for the man.
Nov 3, 2009 at 9:33 am rating: +2
#32
Sara
Actually, I think it’s the other way around…the dad is saying how long it would take for HIM to get from his home in W. Bloomfield to see his children. I think he’s pointing out how far they live from him (the closest being over a three hour drive). I don’t think he doesn’t want them to visit more often – I think he wants them to move closer to home!
Nov 3, 2009 at 9:41 am rating: +1
#33
T.U.M.
Awwww. That’s actually pretty sweet.
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:17 am rating: 0
#34
GhostWriter
What is the shortest route Dad can take to visit all his kids?
a. EE > A > JK > SR > SA
b. SA > SR > JK > A > EE
c. EE > JK > SA > SR > A
d. There is more than one solution to the problem.
e. The problem cannot be solved.
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:20 am rating: +18
#35
oi
May be dad wants to be invited and hence It’s from W Bloomfield to.. wherever and not vice versa.
May be these kids are so ungrateful they never ever invited the dad to new place. Dad wants to see new place. who knows.
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:36 am rating: +1
#36
Err
Perhaps a lovely tape of the kids singing “Are we there yet?” and “Suzie’s staring at me!” for 4-5 hours straight would convince dear old dad to visit the kids instead?
Nov 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm rating: +2
#37
Julia
Now until he finds out the gas mileage of each of their cars and then calculates the exact cost of a round trip drive for each of his children, how is this information actually useful?
It’s great that he can tell them how far away they live, but there just isn’t enough information given to complete the process.
Nov 3, 2009 at 5:34 pm rating: +2
#38
SpondyGirl
Maybe it was a note to self that he accidentally sent to others… or a draft that he sent out. For some reason, I actually for sorry for this guy. It doesn’t really seem P-A.
Nov 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm rating: +1
#39
aaa
Letters and miles
I don’t plan on visiting
Have a greeting card
Nov 3, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: 0
#40
Nowax
Geezy peezy. You people who are lucky enough to have parents (some of us had none or worse) always amaze me at how selfish you are. Go visit your father! He gave up 20+ years of his life and he actually just WANTS you to visit him. What a burden. When your kids are old, you’ll see what it feels like to be a lonely old bastard, too. Sheesh.
Nov 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm rating: 0
#41
Acx]
What a fun place to be tonight!
Nov 7, 2009 at 9:10 pm rating: 0
#42
bobby
Since it’s W Bloomfield TO the places the kids live, it would seem to suggest dad was telling them how far it would be for HIM to come to THEM. Since W Bloomfield is the starting place. Maybe he is just doing that thing that dads do where they look at maps and tell you about distances and you are very bored because you are an ungrateful child.
Dec 4, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: 0
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