Thanks for the geography lesson, Dad!

November 2nd, 2009 · 147 comments

Our anonymous submitter from Chicago says she and her four siblings recently received this somewhat cryptic e-mail from dear old dad.

Explains A: “The initials refer to our names (and spouses’ names, where applicable). Dad lives in West Bloomfield. I’m pretty sure it means he wants us to visit?”

thanks for the geography lesson, dad!

related: love, Dad

FILED UNDER: e-mail · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · Illinois · Moms & Dads


147 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Heather

    Dear Dad,
    I believe the road goes in both directions.
    Love,
    Your Children

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:37 pm   rating: 87  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infant tyrone bang

      But, Grasshopper….sometimes the path to filial piety is a one-way street

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   pony girl

      it,

      ain’t that the truth!

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   park rose bang

      You’re confucian me…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   infant tyrone bang

      Didn’t Ming to, Han…

      What Yuan me to do?

      I could do a lesson plan based on a Song, but I’m all outa Red Vines,
      and there’s no Wei Zhou are getting any of my private Tang stash!

      Chin up, Lassie, I’m not Liang when I say you’re a Sui generis Empress !
      If you find a lamp, rub it and ask the resident Jin for help…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Canthz_B bang

      Now you’re just Beijing silly.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:15 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   infant tyrone bang

      Well, you’re the boss, Hefei…

      Get caught Shanghai-ing the thread, it’ll Lanzhou in deep Chengdu-du

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      I was just Fukien with you. ;-)

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:52 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   twist top

      Mao, Mao, you can Cant-on Hokki-en Peeking jokes in this forum. Bai Bai.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   infant tyrone bang

      Y’all heard the alarm bell…now line up single-file and let’s move to our class’s assigned position out on the playground…

      Rose, please get the class placard.
      Canthz B, please bring the First Aid kit.
      Twist Top, grab the bottle of Boone’s Farm from my lower desk drawer!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   zebra

      One set of grandparents have no relationship to my stepsister because they never bothered to visit her as a child! (My stepfather TPR but her mother wanted the grandparents involved in her life.)

      When I got my first car I visited them all of the time for years. I also did all of the calling. They NEVER visited me nor bothered to call. (They didn’t even have an answering machine!)

      When I stopped visiting except on holidays they had the nerve to ask, “did you forget the way here?” So I reminded them the roads work both ways and they said that they “outranked” me. I then got to throw in their face that “we are all equals in the eyes of God!”

      Funny… but they still refuse to go anywhere that’s not in their small town or a church function.

      Nov 4, 2009 at 8:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   RP

      Heather, I wish I could thumbs up 100 times. MTE.

      Nov 4, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Gunderson105

    If the old fart has time to learn how to use the intratubes and write inane e-mails, hes got time to put on his Mr. Magoo glasses. hop in his Model-T and go visit his crotch fruit.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   GK bang

      “Intratubes”? OK, I think that meme has just decayed to the “brown and mouldy” stage.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   twist top

      Wonders if crotch fruit smells as bad as durian.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:20 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   twist top

      Looks like comment 2 is still at the bright green, lurid and viral stage to me, GK.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Meesh

      TT, nothing smells as bad as durian. just ask Andrew Zimmern.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   oi bang

      Prudish comment used to reside here, nothing to see move on please………

      Nov 3, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   pony girl bang

      Yup.
      Dad should make the trip.
      It’s gotta be easier for 1 or 2 adults to make an eight hour drive than 2 adults and a bunch of rug rats.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   park rose bang

    Are any of the kids or spouses called Gregor or Julius (Augustus, perhaps?). Looks like some newfandangled* kind of calendar. Maybe Dad’s just a mendelsome kind of man. . . or lonely. Maybe he just wants to pease the kids. Maybe the kids are the results of a genetic experiment; one is smooth, one is yellow, one is wrinkled, one is green… so many hyphotheses, so few answers.

    *Yes, I know it’s not a word.
    ** I see from the initials that Gregor is not an option. A middle name, perhaps?

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   citrouille

      “Gregor” and “mendelsome…”
      Is this some kind of a pun on Gregor Mendel?
      I wish.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   park rose bang

      Just click your ruby slippers together three times, citrouille, or vitriol, not sure which.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Geek Goddess

      Newfandangled is a perfectly cromulent* word.

      *Yes, I know that spell-check thinks it’s not a word

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   park rose bang

      Homer taught me all I know, too, GG ;)

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   infant tyrone bang

      Well, maybe they don’t have a Todo-ally hip vocabulary o’er there in Soba-ville, but m’deah…everything’s up to date in Kansas City !

      Nice meddling with middling Mendel…

      You must know something about Dotty’s X-Files experiments in Topeka:
      We know about the ap-pease
      We know about the yellow pease
      We know about the green pease
      But wrinkled pease…please…
      Tell us more, Professor Porridge…I haven’t got a clue

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Canthz_B bang

      Great. Now I have an almost irresistible urge to visit Burbank. :-|

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   park rose bang

      It was just the genetically modified path that Wikipedia led me along, Ty.

      And speaking of peas… like we used to say

      For enjoyment, only.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   infant tyrone bang

      Lex, what color cryptonite are we carvering this season?

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   Canthz_B bang

      ♥ rose!

      I’m now a hap-pea man! :-D

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   pony girl

      newfandangled*

      *Yes, I know it’s not a word.

      Ah, but it should be!
      I will try to use that word at least once a day, to help get the ball rolling.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:15 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   infant tyrone bang

      PG,

      Now, y’all be careful with them novelty items !

      ty

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   GK bang

      Park rose’s dominance is making me cross-eyed! Canthz_B, on the other hand; uracil-ly fellow!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.13   Canthz_B bang

      Aw GK, you’re such a pistil. :-)

      Nov 3, 2009 at 7:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.14   GK bang

      That one really tickled my ribose! :-D

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.15   clumber

      @ #3.10 pony girl – BUT PONEEEEEEEE! I am still working on my last newfandangled vocabulary word.

      DoucheWaffle (n.) As in, “My Daddy is a DoucheWaffle for moving so far away from me.”

      I probably have a couple more weeks of using it daily before it “sticks”. Can I pick up newfandangled after?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.16   infant tyrone bang

      As there appears to be no stigma attached to pun-style declarations…

      By the light given off by the filament of yon incandescent lamp…

      It seems our ped-uncle is dating the little old lady from Petal-uma…

      When asked about the vines assessed by her speeding tickets….

      He replied, O they vary…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.17   pony girl

      Clumber,

      Ok, but you’ll have to use it twice a day.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.18   pony girl

      3.11 it,

      I’m always careful with my novelty items.
      Especially after that unfortunate power-surge in ’03.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   JetJackson

    Looks like E & E had the right idea… move as far away as possible!

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   pony girl

      ah, but they may need to rethink that and try to put an ocean between them.

      It works a lot better.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   JetJackson

      Not necessarily it would seem. For example if they were to come and live in sunny Brisbane Australia then dad would get the following result with google:

      Brisbane, QLD, Australia to West Bloomfield Michigan

      24,789 km – about 55 days 17 hours

      Notice one of the instructions is;

      42. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean
      Entering Japan 5,404 km

      “What do you mean it’s too far?! Get in your Kayak now and you will get here just in time for Christmas.”

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   park rose bang

      oar else…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Canthz_B bang

      That demand might cause quite a row!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Geek Goddess

      Canoe two stop making these saily puns?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   park rose bang

      Yachts in it for me, if I do?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   GK bang

      I’m gonna punch you right in the jibsheets!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Canthz_B bang

      No need for violence. Let’s try to keep on an even keel.
      Not that I’m trying to rock the boat or anything.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 7:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   GK bang

      Now, you know me, Canthz_B… I’m a real man o’ war! I’d trawl for a few more puns, but I think the thread’s already getting a bit dinghy. Frigate, I’m just going to sloop off and leave this pile of kayak to its own devices!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   park rose bang

      Show some backbone, man! Though I know it’s a tough call for you jellyfish.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.11   infant tyrone bang

      My, O My…what a stroke of luck…

      As T. R. Pynchon might say, we have the Whole Sick Crew in on this…

      Or as the carny workers turned street hustlers put it, “Which shell is the pea under?”…oh, wait…that’s yoking two threads…but why pick at knits?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   jfruh

    “What, you can’t get in your car and drive 15 hours to have your dear old dad bitch and compain at you, E. & E.? Bunch of ingrates!”

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   mamason bang

      Ungrateful offspring can break your heart. I say, spend their inheritance and document every fun filled moment and when the will is read, a recording of your laughter should be played at full volume.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   mamason bang

      Or leave it all to the grandchildren.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   infant tyrone bang

      Sorry, all y’all…I just had this looooong Bucket List…enjoy the pix !

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   kelty

    aww, I think it’s kinda cute! only slightly P-A…

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   park rose bang

      I agree.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 9:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   nigedo

      Yep parents… love em while you’ve got em.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 9:57 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   button

      I agree… this is really cute. He says he wants a visit without having to express the accompanying emotions. Yay for old men!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   A

      he didn’t say he wants a visit. that’s just what you’re (probably) supposed to infer. and it is about guilt. hence, p-a

      Nov 3, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   anglophile bang

    Who is T and why do they get off scot-free?

    Nov 2, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   park rose bang

      Maybe T is duty free?

      Nov 2, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   infant tyrone bang

      A-a-and why is T on the mailing list while A doesn’t rate a write?

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   A

      T is his wife. A is the submitter, referred to by gmail as “me”.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   GK bang

      I think T&A are officially my favourites.

      ifyouknowwhatimean

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   infant tyrone bang

      @GK…roger that…KWYM

      @A…So, “me” lives 290 miles from himself?

      “Dissociative” springs to mind…

      Occasionally coming to his senses, does he sing the chorus to “Truckin’”?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   oi bang

      Psssst TY, submitter as in one of the siblings not the dad the note writer.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   infant tyrone bang

      oi,

      If it’s a screen shot of the original email, why “me” instead of “A****”?

      So far, the forensic hypotheses or Housean diagnoses are inconclusive and don’t explain all of the text or symptoms (to me, but I can be slow).

      But, no worries…you made me forget this troubled world we’re living in…

      ty

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   oi bang

      If you must know…
      It’s shows “me” because that’s the gmail at work. So whenever you( gmail account holder) get an email on your gmail account, gmail knows it and shows your name to you( gmail account holder ) as “me”. If this was the screenshot with dad’s sign in then from “J___” would be shown as from “me”
      so submitter, “A” got the email and it’s the screen shot of A’s email with A’s log in so It shows A as me in the “to” field of Gmail. “To” field is gmail territory not the actual email body though.
      Now in the email body is typed by the father or the note writer. So he typed “A”‘and not me/I
      Now I know with technology is so advanced gmail should get handle on email body too and change every instance of your(email reader) name to me/I first person . or May be not. Then you would scream intrusion.

      I know technology can be sometimes confusing.
      Ask to my “dearest” friend GK who actually studied/worked hard in the college.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   infant tyrone bang

      oi,

      Thanks.

      I use gmail and sometimes have “me” show up on summary page/inbox, but I haven’t noticed scenario you’re describing.

      If I remember, I’ll experiment when I get to Austin.

      I studied technology and worked hard in college too, but it was when computers were more used for banks, airlines, and bowl of toast’s missile trajectory idea than for massively available email…plus I don’t get paid for dealing with it anymore, so I get big-time rusty.

      Regards,
      ty

      P.S. Does anyone have article filtering/stripping software available as freeware ? Market may be waiting patiently…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   GK bang

      oi: we should be Internet best friends! We’ve already got that whole “two-letter” thing in common.

      Nov 4, 2009 at 2:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   mamason bang

    It used to be that adult children with families of their own would pile into the car and travel as often as was possible to visit dear old dad and it was done with a level of cheerfulness not often found in these times.

    Now, get off my lawn!

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Adam

    This guy sounds like an alright dad. At least he’s reaching out.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   anglophile bang

      Adam, more and more I look forward to your comments. Keep up the good work!

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   park rose bang

      He brings something positive to every thread, doesn’t he ‘glo? I’ve had the urge to touch someobody’s hand ever since I read his comment.

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’m just getting so emotional right now.
      I think I’ll phone my kids. :cry:

      Better yet, I’ll just email them my GPS coordinates and let them solve the puzzle!

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:41 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   GK bang

      So that’s why you hired Dan Brown to write your biography! I wondered!

      park rose, I’ve felt the urge to touch somebody with my hand, if that counts. The back of it, I mean.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   GK bang

      Well, I royally screwed up that bit of formatting, didn’t I. Gee, if only I had an edit button so I could fix it.

      *glares sideways at the comment software*

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   park rose

      You’re a crotchety old bugger, aren’t you, GK?

      Maybe it’s the provider (is that the word? You know – IE, Mozilla, etc.) you’re using? Dunno. Edit can be funny, but it’s working okay for me, at the moment.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   GK bang

      OK, apparently it only doesn’t work in Firefox, how helpful. Go Team Park Rose Internet Troubleshooting Services!

      I’m not sew much crotchety, although I do sometimes get in a bit of a knit over these things. But I’d better stop picking lint off this thread.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   park rose

      True, true… don’t dilly-doily; even though you are rat-a-tat-tatting, there are hooks waiting to be cast to the unsuspecting. You know, purls before the swine.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 4:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   anglophile bang

      I can see that a perfectly good sarcasm thread has unraveled into this tangled mess of puns once again.

      *goes off with knit brows*

      Nov 3, 2009 at 8:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.10   park rose bang

      It needles me, too, ‘glo, frays my nerves.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 8:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.11   GK bang

      Sorry, ‘glo. I guess I was woolgathering again.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.12   anglophile bang

      Yeah, yeah, go spin your yarn somewhere else, GK.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 10:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.13   infant tyrone bang

      In a previous career “Pearl” always led to Steinbeck…but let’s see
      if we can get this diverted to a W.S. Burroughs or Becker/Fagen track…

      Rose darling my friend
      With only you and what I’ve found
      We’ll wear the weary hours down

      On the water down in New Orleans
      My baby’s the purl of the quarter

      And because traffic at oi’s place is jammed up…

      I bought sequined suit from pearly queen
      And she could drink more wine than I’d ever seen
      She had some gypsies’ blood flowing through her feet
      And when time was right she said that I would meet my destiny

      I traveled round world to find sun
      I couldn’t stop myself from having fun
      And then one day I met Indian girl
      And she made me forget this troubled world we’re living in

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.14   adam

      Thanks for the love Glo and Park. Infant Tyrone, thanks for that. All we need is Critical Grass to not get it and we have a complete thread.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.15   infant tyrone bang

      @GK…I use Firefox + it even lets me edit comments in past notes if I log in (so far in 2 countries, 2 cities)…no suggestions though, sorry…

      @Adam…I saw your girlfriend bobbing for apples the other night with Barry McGuire…watch your six…trust but verify, OK?

      What “it” are you referring to wrt CG not “getting it”? My comment? Yours? The sub-thread in general…comprehension lack here…help!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.16   Critical Grass bang

      Wow, guess I’m a very big deal in Adam’s life.
      I’m kind of a big deal, y’all.

      Oh, Adam, before I forget: I always understand what you’re trying to say. Everybody understands, we just figure that making jokes about it is more amusing than taking you seriously.
      Aw… See, I had to explain it to you and now it’s all ruined. Damn!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.17   pony girl bang

      CG,
      Now you can buy that t-shirt.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 6:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.18   Critical Grass bang

      Yey! was only wating for the right moment!
      Thank you, Adam. Thank you very much.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   sharkbot

    This may not even be a passive aggressive message – I got all sorts of bizarre distances between places when my dad learned to use Google maps.

    Still not as bad as the day he discovered Youtube, however…

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    If dad only had S & M, 5m, .5 miles they’d never hear from him.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:18 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose bang

      True. Ball gags impede articulation. And being tied up prevents keyboard access…wait…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   infant tyrone bang

      rose…
      Channeling Norm Crosby’s pornographic memory ?

      Leave the red orb-it home when you attend those electrocution lessons !

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   G

    “Are you planning a trip, Dad?”

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    Did dad get this info online, or was it given to him by a 1928 Porter?

    Hi, Mom!! Still nagging I see!

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   infant tyrone bang

      Yes, Mama Porter works…despite the baggage.

      She was KITT’s mother, making the mysterious “A” April Curtis…
      Makes Dad’s references to the Holland Tunnel a little less mystifying…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 10:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      Must have happened that night she had too much Mobile One and woke up at the speed shop.
      Finish scuffed, trunk wide open, leaking tranny fluid…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   infant tyrone bang

      Drowning her sorrows at the Late Nite Lugubrious Lube-ratory ?

      The perils of fast + furious joy-riding under the influence…
      too many drivers don’t understand that when a hot sled says “NO!”
      it really CAN mean something other than Nitrous Oxide…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Canthz_B bang

      Well, who thinks clearly when their passions are fueled?
      Certainly not Mustang Sally.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Dad,

    They really have made air travel pretty safe.

    Love,
    E & E

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   UnclGhost bang

    Or maybe he’s getting them all a new Bloomfield/Intel i7 processor.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   notolaf

    Maybe he wants them all to follow E&E’s Excellent Example.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    Okay, who’s going to get out the map and compass and figure out where these neglectful inheritance vultures live?

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Fleur325

    Aww, this is the kind of email my dad would send. And, he IS coming to see me–2,022 miles, 1 day 8 hours–in a few weeks!

    So cute, thanks, original submitter!

    Nov 2, 2009 at 10:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    The “S’s” cancel, the “A’s” cancel, the “E’s” cancel leaving “JRK”…John and Robert Kennedy.
    We have the who. If we can just figure out the meaning behind the time and distance we can wrap up two conspiracies with one PAN!

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Gandalf

      It’s the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s grave.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   OhLawdy bang

    Hey, 15 hours is LONG time.

    Screw off, pops.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   infant tyrone bang

    Hey, Bishop Ussher…

    Looks like the “J’s” cancel too…

    leaving TRK or TKR or RKT or RTK or KRT or KTR…which is NOT the ancient Ching Hexagram #888 (TuRKs are TaKeRs of RusTiK KaRTs for KaTeRing to RocKeT kartels)…

    no, it’s not that, but it does raise some intriguing questions

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   bowloftoast bang

    Did it dawn on any of them that Pappy may be plotting missile trajectories?

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   infant tyrone bang

      By the time the kids might realize the perils of using correct return addresses on Birthday and Christmas cards, it would be too late…

      But…Daddy’s old school…
      Daddy’s coming in a fertilizer laden U-Haul (towing a getaway car)…

      Nov 2, 2009 at 11:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   GK bang

      Perhaps he was emailing them to ask for the bearing and elevation. I’ll admit, it’s a refreshingly straightforward approach to warfare. I think we could all learn something from this.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 3:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   infant tyrone bang

      Marcoooo!
      .
      .
      .
      Poooolo!
      .
      .
      .
      Kaboooomo!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   newby Jeri

    I think E & E live on Nantucket, if that is the general direction in which they moved. Which means, they got as far away as possible AND separated themselves by water. For shame, Pops.

    Nov 2, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Canthz_B bang

      Circle gets the Square!

      Nov 3, 2009 at 12:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Jonathan

    Wow, ping times sucked back when he was a boy.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 12:20 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   drybamboo

    I guess T____ still lives with their dad.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 12:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   r3loaded

    The only point he’s made is that he lives quite far away – even 191 miles is quite a drive, and not everyone can afford to travel that much that often.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Tammy

    Just go visit your dad.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 5:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   A

      no.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Critical Grass bang

      Anawanna.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 9:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Critical Grass bang

    My dad has an even more PA approach. He says:

    Hey, remember when your mother and I gave you life? Good times, huh?

    Nov 3, 2009 at 7:21 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Oh Really

      My mother-in-law went through a phase where she would constantly recite their address to my husband. It took all my self control to not grab the address book, flip to their page, and say “Yep, my address book still has the right address for you guys. Thanks!”

      Nov 3, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Woman on the Verge bang

    Dad’s looking for a visit. They left out the last line:

    “Putting more distance between me and your whiny asses? Priceless.”

    Nov 3, 2009 at 8:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Critical Grass bang

    Dad,

    Are you using Google Maps to guilt trip us again?
    See, I never should’ve taught you how to use it.

    And to think that I’ve helped you create your email account… Talk about regrets.

    One more thing: stop using Street View to spy on us!

    Love, …Oh, who are we kidding here?

    Nov 3, 2009 at 9:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Chris

    Visit your damn father already. I feel bad for the man.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Sara

    Actually, I think it’s the other way around…the dad is saying how long it would take for HIM to get from his home in W. Bloomfield to see his children. I think he’s pointing out how far they live from him (the closest being over a three hour drive). I don’t think he doesn’t want them to visit more often – I think he wants them to move closer to home!

    Nov 3, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   T.U.M.

    Awwww. That’s actually pretty sweet.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Autumn

      That’s kind of what I thought as well. I think people complain a lot that they don’t know their Dad’s love them, I think often times they just don’t know the ways they say it…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   anglophile bang

      If this note were written by my dad, the unspoken text would not be “I love you and miss you and wish you would visit me.” It would probably be more like “I need someone to be driving me to my court date and your sister has to work that day.” So go ahead and keep your little fantasy life that everyone’s dad loves them, T.U.M. and Autumn. Go right ahead.

      Oh, that came out a little more bitter and angsty than I meant it to. Oh well, we are all works in progress. Except, of course my Dad. No progress there in years.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   GhostWriter bang

    What is the shortest route Dad can take to visit all his kids?

    a. EE > A > JK > SR > SA
    b. SA > SR > JK > A > EE
    c. EE > JK > SA > SR > A
    d. There is more than one solution to the problem.
    e. The problem cannot be solved.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Canthz_B bang

      I know the answer…but I don’t have a #2 pencil handy, so you’ll just have to trust me.

      Nov 3, 2009 at 7:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   RP

      I wish my math-fu was strong enough to prove this but I want to say that it can’t be solved with the information given.

      Nov 4, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   oi bang

    May be dad wants to be invited and hence It’s from W Bloomfield to.. wherever and not vice versa.

    May be these kids are so ungrateful they never ever invited the dad to new place. Dad wants to see new place. who knows.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 11:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Err

    Perhaps a lovely tape of the kids singing “Are we there yet?” and “Suzie’s staring at me!” for 4-5 hours straight would convince dear old dad to visit the kids instead?

    Nov 3, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Julia

    Now until he finds out the gas mileage of each of their cars and then calculates the exact cost of a round trip drive for each of his children, how is this information actually useful?

    It’s great that he can tell them how far away they live, but there just isn’t enough information given to complete the process.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 5:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      You figured it out! This is the ultimate in Passive Aggressiveness! It’s a math problem! If each child visits Dad 3 times per year and gas is 2.54/gallon…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 5:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   JetJackson

      Then they can calculate the carbon footprint for the various options and send it back to him;

      Option 1: We all travel to visit you in our own cars on return trips = 4012 pounds of Carbon

      Option 2: You do a tour and visit all of us in your car = 2006 pounds of Carbon

      Option 3: You do the tour on a motorbike = 720 pounds of Carbon

      So what will it be Dad? Do you want your grandchildren to have a future on this planet?

      Nov 3, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   infant tyrone bang

      Daddy’s gonna be green with pride, he is…other Daddy’s will envy him…

      Plus, if Dad hitches rides to visit the kids, he and his lucky Samaritans can use the carpool lanes in urban highway, umm, environments…

      Nov 3, 2009 at 6:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.4   GK bang

      For pity’s sake, JetJackson! Just walk it! What sort of man are you that can’t walk that piddling distance…?

      Nov 4, 2009 at 2:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   SpondyGirl

    Maybe it was a note to self that he accidentally sent to others… or a draft that he sent out. For some reason, I actually for sorry for this guy. It doesn’t really seem P-A.

    Nov 3, 2009 at 8:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   RP

      But how do you accidentally send something to multiple e-mail addresses? It’s not like it was a Reply-All to a previous e-mail.

      Nov 4, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   aaa bang

    Letters and miles
    I don’t plan on visiting
    Have a greeting card

    Nov 3, 2009 at 9:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Nowax

    Geezy peezy. You people who are lucky enough to have parents (some of us had none or worse) always amaze me at how selfish you are. Go visit your father! He gave up 20+ years of his life and he actually just WANTS you to visit him. What a burden. When your kids are old, you’ll see what it feels like to be a lonely old bastard, too. Sheesh.

    Nov 5, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   anglophile bang

      Please show me the empirical evidence that this dad gave up 20 + years of his life. The old “well at least you have a father” routine assumes so much. :roll:

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Acx]

    What a fun place to be tonight!

    Nov 7, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   bobby

    Since it’s W Bloomfield TO the places the kids live, it would seem to suggest dad was telling them how far it would be for HIM to come to THEM. Since W Bloomfield is the starting place. Maybe he is just doing that thing that dads do where they look at maps and tell you about distances and you are very bored because you are an ungrateful child.

    Dec 4, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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