While some old folks (and grandmothers in particular) are seasoned masters of the heart-tugging passive-aggressive guilt trip, there’s another breed of blue-hairs who’ve seemingly given up on all the social niceties and instead just give their unfiltered opinion on any subject at hand. their all-purpose excuse, as demonstrated by this example from Tacoma, Washington: “I’m old!”
Yet while this group certainly helps make reading the “letters to the editor” page entertaining, Charity in Westfield, Wisconsin says the “grumpy old crank” routine isn’t quite as amusing when you have to live with one of them.
“I’ve been staying with my grandmother for two months,” Charity says, and “she tells me daily that I stink.” She woke up one morning to find this slightly more polite message….which was not-so-politely attached to toilet seat with packing tape.
related: a day in the life of a crank
80 responses so far ↓
#1
pony girl
I’m confused about the first note.
If I ring once, and nobody answers, I don’t have to go to work?
Where is this magic button?
Will I get a paid day off or just a day off?
Note number two, hmmm, so does granny want the submitter to pee in the bushes or something?
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:19 pm rating: +35
#2
Palomon
I gotta tell you, these two strike me as GMILF’s.
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm rating: +9
#3
pony girl
Maybe Charity wouldn’t stink so much if her granny would let her use the freaking bathroom!!!
Doesn’t seem fair to give Charity grief about being stinky and then turn around and forbid her to use the bathroom.
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:28 pm rating: +28
#4
UnclGhost
Now old people have joined Anonymous?
No, seriously, I can’t tell if that’s supposed to mean “anonymous” or the word anon itself.
Nov 3, 2009 at 10:57 pm rating: +8
#5
Canthz_B
The first sign must be for her in-home mental health worker, because only a nut thinks that someone who comes by to work for you doesn’t know who you are.
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: +6
#6
Kris
Is that one of those squishy toilet seats? Nothing screams “granny!” quite like that.
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:02 pm rating: +26
#7
Canthz_B
Dear Gramdma,
I’m not in the habit of sitting on toilets on a whim.
Trust me, it was absolutely necessary.
Lots of funky love,
Charity
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: +35
#8
Palomon
Does anyone else get the feeling Grandma had a thing about wire hangers?
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: +5
#9
notolaf
Yeah, that second note is the kind of senseless that forces the question, “Has Granny been tested for Alzheimer’s lately?”
Nov 3, 2009 at 11:39 pm rating: +5
#10
JetJackson
Push one time?…
Dot Dot Dash Dot – F
Dot Dot Dash – U
Dash Dot Dash Dot -C
Dash Dot Dash – K
Dash Dot Dash Dash – Y
Dash Dash Dash – O
Dot Dot Dash- U
Nov 4, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: +17
#11
aaa
Jesus Christ, Charity, you act like toilets aren’t a fucking luxury! The fuck, man?
Nov 4, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: +6
#12
Geek Goddess
I’m thinking that when it comes right down to it if you know what I mean, Granny is going to be the one having trouble getting the tape off. Especially if her arthritis is acting up at the time. My money is on Charity.
Who stinks now, Granny?
Nov 4, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: +32
#13
aaa
Soooo, does Charity’s grandmum not get that living somebody entails them using your crapper, or was she just too fond of being passive aggressive to say “Sorry, I don’t like sharing my shit, you’ll have to stay elsewhere”?
Nov 4, 2009 at 1:32 am rating: +3
#14
bowloftoast
Step one: Carefully remove the tape.
Step two: Drop the [grand]mother of all deuces.
Step three: Do not flush.
Step four: Carefully reapply the tape.
Step five: Deny.
Nov 4, 2009 at 1:59 am rating: +47
#15
GK
POOPER’S CLOSED.
Anon
Nov 4, 2009 at 2:38 am rating: +4
#16
Canthz_B
♫ Busted.
Busted on your toilet bowl.
How can I run when I’m busted,
A log half out my hole?
To prove your command,
Wrap your toilet with tape band.
Busted.
On your toilet bowl. ♫
Nov 4, 2009 at 2:56 am rating: +3
#17
Woman on the Verge
Apparently Office Max has a new Easy Button. Push this one once and you get the day off. Damn. I gotta go get me one!
Nov 4, 2009 at 6:07 am rating: +14
#18
Critical Grass
I just pooped my pants
Granny did not give me choice
I stink pretty bad
Charity
Nov 4, 2009 at 6:08 am rating: +9
#19
Daniel
Granny’s just begging for an upper-decker.
Nov 4, 2009 at 6:41 am rating: +8
#20
Havingfitz
Charity begins at home. She’s just not allowed to pee there.
Nov 4, 2009 at 6:49 am rating: +12
#21
The Great Joe Bivins
Poop in the sink. Or the wastebasket. Anywhere but the toilet.
Nov 4, 2009 at 6:55 am rating: +7
#22
Chicken Underwear
Just thinking of all those unnecessary time I use the toilet.
Nov 4, 2009 at 7:00 am rating: +4
#23
Mo®
Charity probably peed on Grandmas rug.
Nov 4, 2009 at 7:37 am rating: +5
#24
Critical Grass
Charity,
I was a little too harsh on you. Forgive me for the note I left on the toilet and for shutting it down. Feel free to use the bathroom whenever you need. All you’ll have to do is fill out these forms and have them notarized in three counterparts of equal content. Just a formality to prove you really need to go.
Love,
Granny.
Nov 4, 2009 at 7:38 am rating: +3
#25
Bob
Charity must eat at Taco Bell a lot or something.
Nov 4, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: +5
#26
Err
Maybe Granny should have the directions to the next nearest restroom sent in a lovely email.
Nothings says “Come visit me” like ring only once and don’t use my toilet.
Nov 4, 2009 at 11:19 am rating: +3
#27
oi
but granny you always told me: share and share alike.
Nov 4, 2009 at 11:23 am rating: 0
#28
meta
I like peeing when necessary, I like peeing when unnecessary. Whenever, wherever. As long as I get arrested for it, that’s all I ask. Is that too much to ask?
Nov 4, 2009 at 11:37 am rating: +1
#29
quitcherbitshen
Dear Granny,
If your too slow to get the door within a timely manner, there are homes where folks do that for you. You may even get your own bathroom in your cell, I mean bedroom/livingroom, I mean quaint apartment. All you have to do is ask and I will gladly do my best to help you.
Charity
Nov 4, 2009 at 2:35 pm rating: +1
#30
Phalange
Yet another glowing endorsement for legalized euthanasia.
Nov 4, 2009 at 2:44 pm rating: 0
#31
texas
I’m so glad to finally understand why so many people are shitting in the shower.
Could admin please pass along Anytime Stan’s number to Granny?
Nov 4, 2009 at 4:52 pm rating: +2
#32
tbunnyacox
maybe charity is a actually a teenage boy, they stink pretty bad, or a 3 year old boy, they almost never flush after taking a dump.
Nov 4, 2009 at 7:16 pm rating: +2
#33
Canthz_B
Charity, you stink!
Why can’t you be more like your sisters Faith and Hope?
They give enrichment to me, all you ever do is ask that I give altruistically to others!
Nov 4, 2009 at 8:15 pm rating: +1
#34
Canthz_B
Hey Grandma, what big eyes you have.
The better to see you in my bathroom, my dear.
Hey Grandma, what a big nose you have!
The better to tell just how much you stink, my dear.
Hey Grandma, what big teeth you have!!
Stay the Hell away from that glass if you know what’s good for you, my dear!
Nov 4, 2009 at 8:27 pm rating: +4
#35
Squiggles
Ha ha, I feel for these old people. Those darn youngun’s think ringing the bell more than once will make an old person appear that much faster.
And poor Grandma, I’ll bet there’s another bathroom in that house and that’s her private one. Maybe Charity outta bathe a little more often and/or stop smoking or using perfume, whatever that nasty smells coming from. Just sayin’… if you’re going to be staying at someone else’s house try not getting so worked up when they are set in their ways and expect certain courtesies like you not stinking up the place and touching her crapper.
Old people, lol.
Nov 5, 2009 at 3:19 am rating: +1
#36
charity
I honestly to this day don’t know what that note was about. But by the time I was done staying with her… I was starting to get scared, she’d watch me while I slept, and accused me of stealing $14 SINGLES from her disorganized purse, than returning them the next day. IDK.
Nov 5, 2009 at 5:10 pm rating: +1
#37
ace
This is a fun place to be!
Nov 7, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: +1
#38
F. Bliz
I think I sent you this note a year ago, but I can’t remember. If not, someone else was at the Museum of Glass on the same day as me
In the meantime, I shall take credit for the photo. Taken 9/27/08 on my Honeymoon
Nov 10, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: 0
#39
wicked opinion
I like how some people are taking Granny’s side in this. They are as insane as she is. I have a “friend” who did this to me when I stayed at her house for 2 months. Not only was there whining and bitching when I used the toilet (and the accompanying paper) but I was not allowed to cook (too smelly), use the land line (it was a flat rate and i was job hunting), sit on the front steps (??), have company over (paranoid much?), or take a shower over 5 minutes long (apparently some people skip certain bits). I paid rent, bought my own toilet paper, and ate frozen dinners for 6 weeks (which did NOT help the toilet using issue, let me tell you!) It was a total nightmare. The only way to know if someone is completely batshit is to live with them. Her mother is the same way so maybe it’s genetic.
Nov 17, 2009 at 7:03 am rating: 0
#40
LinLorienelen
Dear Granny,
I apologize for stinking and I respect your revoking my toilet usage.
Sorry about the sink.
Love,
Charity
Nov 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm rating: 0
#41
Jorge
hey granny do you want to make love to me in the shower I love older women love you
Nov 27, 2009 at 2:34 pm rating: 0
Leave a Comment