Our anonymous submitter from Herndon, Virginia and two of his friends — “all three of us on the large size” — were having lunch at a restaurant when a lady sitting nearby passed them this dear little note of encouragement.
related: hey, fatty
Loose lips shrink hips?
November 9th, 2009 · 272 comments
FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · culture clash · hey fatty · most popular notes of 2009 · unsolicited feedback
272 responses so far ↓
#1
Mia
Bwahahahahaha! This one is great!
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: 45
#2
Buck
Did she actually include her phone number? Man… that number would be on every bathroom wall I could possibly find. Heck, might even take out a few ads for this bitch too!
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: 82
#3
leftfoot
“Hey fat Americans. If you didn’t eat so much food the rest of the world would have some and people like me wouldn’t barge into your lunch uninvited.”
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:53 pm rating: 115
#4
adamchanty
Oh Hell No Bitch!
You better lick some balls!
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:53 pm rating: 39
#5
Alien Guardian
What a bitch.
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:55 pm rating: 3
#6
tomiddes
bless her heart…
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: 83
#7
Canthz_B
Who cares about feeling healthier when one can feel validated?
Just think how proud Angela will be when you drop a few pounds.
She’ll probably “validate” the crap out of you!
Once you go Bulgarian, you’ll never need a whore again!
Nov 9, 2009 at 8:59 pm rating: 44
#8
Tara
wow. that woulda been one dead beeyotch if that note woulda been passed to my fat self or any of my fat friends. especially if her hand came anywhere near my cheesecake.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:10 pm rating: 111
#9
Critical Grass
Who can feel any pain with all that fat to cushion the blow?
She couldn’t hurt them, even if she tried.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:22 pm rating: 37
#10
texas
Yes Angela, it is hard. Thanks for noticing. Open your mouth wide you Bulgarian slut. Have a nice day.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:25 pm rating: 19
#11
Canthz_B
They must have been humiliated!
Luckily, there was German Chocolate cake on the dessert menu or they may have made a scene.
Instead, they just ate the pain away…as usual.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:27 pm rating: 44
#12
KIRK
She could lose an “o” while she at it. Nothing like a good ol’ misspelling while leaving a revengeful note, and making yourself look even more dumb.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:28 pm rating: 19
#13
Neeners
Dear Angela,
We are all so proud you were able to drop those unwanted pounds “sinse” moving here and stuffing your big fat Bulgarian face with American food. Is everyone in Bulgaria as rude and holier than thou as you are?
Maybe “U” should take some English courses at the local community college to help make yourself look more accomplished and to help you stop using numbers for words. “Afterwoords” you will feel so much more validated for “loosing” your bad spelling habits.
Best,
The 3 fat guys who just knifed your tires!
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:33 pm rating: 97
#14
Yeah but
But seriously, folks. You’re too fat. It’s gross.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:36 pm rating: 72
#15
Canthz_B
If Angela was back in the old Bulgaria, she would have gone straight to the secret police with her concerns.
Jenny Craig gives her fond memories of re-education camps.
Nosy informers like her were the first to leave after the Communist regime fell.
No one appreciates that all she does is done out of love.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:44 pm rating: 29
#16
Freddie
Oh my god, thank heavens she mentioned it! How would they have ever known they were overweight otherwise??
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:44 pm rating: 75
#17
Neeners
Not sure what “breaking in to U” is. Does that mean she broke wind ‘into’ them or something? How is that done? Or did she break something at their table, what?
And what is hard, is it hard for her to keep her Bulgarian/American nose out of everyone’s business?
Maybe she should write the next great American diet book? “How I lost pounds by hitting on American Men in Restaurants”
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:45 pm rating: 7
#18
Deb
Totally hitting on you … that’s just how Bulgarians roll.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:47 pm rating: 45
#19
jason
She is not a bitch. If you are fat, you deserve to hear about it. She is the only one with the balls to do what non-fat people should be doing everywhere, all the time.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:49 pm rating: 30
#20
Silence
Dear Angela,
Are you sure you aren’t from…Hungary?!
Ow!
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm rating: 62
#21
JetJackson
Welcome to America… Those 35 pounds are a condition of your citizenship. Lose them = lose green card.
Nov 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm rating: 55
#22
park rose
I think Angela included her number because she has some Herbalife she wants to sell them.
Nov 9, 2009 at 10:01 pm rating: 53
#23
notolaf
Oh well, at least they didn’t have to listen to someone telling them that their infertility troubles were due to their lack of faith or that it was their moral obligation to adopt or rubbing their pregnant belly all over them.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Nov 9, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: 32
#24
Rappenwolf
My fave response to “well-wishers”: I’m not here to decorate your world. Especially Bulgaria, I guess.
Nov 9, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 26
#25
Adam
She should just get business cards made up for her personal training business.
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:01 pm rating: 9
#26
tp
I guess I am the only one on team Angela! I get a nice helpful kind of vibe from her. I know in Europe it is far more normal for people to be “ok” with telling others that they need to lose some damned weight. Why is it ok for people to tell thin people that they are too skinny and not ok to tell fat people to lose some frickin’ weight?
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm rating: 15
#27
Canthz_B
You vill lizzen to advize of Angela (Natasha) Fatale. If not, she vill haff Boris Badenov contact Fearless Leader for instructions on how to deal vith your bloated Vestern bodies!
Vee haff vaze off makink you slim!!
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:05 pm rating: 13
#28
Silhouette
Ang, we’re busy people here.
To save time say, “Lose weight now. Ask me how. ”
kthx bai.
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: 17
#29
Canthz_B
Cool restaurant.
Three fat guys can get an Eastern European call girl’s number…and one that validates parking to boot!!
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:50 pm rating: 26
#30
Hailster
this is simply a difference in culture and an awesome note. my good friend from Ecuador told me, after i lost about 10 – 15 pounds, ‘ oh you must have lost weight! you look so much better when you’re skinny! ‘ if i looked better bigger, she would have told me. its honesty with no negative intentions. [most] americans don’t get that.
Nov 9, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 10
#31
JetJackson
So it turns out the meaning of the name Angela is messenger stemming from Angel or Aggela so roughly meaning messenger of God.
So in a way… God thinks you are fat.
Nov 10, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: 16
#32
HugsandKisses101
Sorry, but I would want this kick-in-the-pants if I were ‘that fat’.
America is ridiculous in its eating habits, and needs to realize this FACT.
I am unclear why the last four digits of her phone # are missing. I’m thinking there was a face-to-face at the restaurant that led to the note being brought to our (the fatties’) attention….?
Nov 10, 2009 at 12:24 am rating: 7
#33
bowloftoast
Given the context, I think we’re all pretty fortunate they didn’t eat the note.
Nov 10, 2009 at 12:36 am rating: 21
#34
Jonathan
That Bulgarian was fucking delicious.
Got another one?
Nov 10, 2009 at 12:37 am rating: 22
#35
President Benson
Dear Angela,
Are you asking me out? But more importantly, are you done with that?
Nov 10, 2009 at 1:33 am rating: 41
#36
Tom
Like most of the people commenting here, I too am grotesquely fat and moreover I am defensive and proud of it.
I AM A FATTY FAT FATTY AMERICAN!
I will now eat a brick of cheese.
Nov 10, 2009 at 2:22 am rating: 17
#37
GK
I’m just trying to figure out how: she saw some fat Americans, and somehow they were unusual enough to pay particular attention to? If I had a cheesecake for every time I saw a fat American, I’d have… well, stampede marks on my back and no cheesecake. But I digress.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:26 am rating: 58
#38
scamps
I would call her to thank her for her concern, all while loudly eating delicious baked goods.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:46 am rating: 7
#39
Pers
Wonder what chubby, know it all Bulgarians taste like?
(someone already said they were delicious!)
I’d just stare at her and eat the note.
Nov 10, 2009 at 6:45 am rating: 11
#40
lili
Someone has to make fat Americans feel embarrassed enough to do something about their obesity problem! I love Bulgaria now!
Nov 10, 2009 at 7:25 am rating: 10
#41
Fign
No!! lili (#40) as you see in the comments they are supporting and care for each others over-sized asses and so they think they are fine as they are, all 150 Kg (OK, roughly 300 pounds) of them. Good for the bulgarian lady, since there is no worst blind than those who don’t want to see.
Nov 10, 2009 at 7:43 am rating: 1
#42
fan
Hans and Franz were girly boys, until they met that cute lard butt Bulgarian.
Nov 10, 2009 at 7:53 am rating: 5
#43
anglophile
What Angela had no way of knowing was that the submitter and his friends met each other at Weight Watchers and they were dining out to celebrate the fact that they had all reached the milestone mark of 100 pounds lost.
Her note plunged them all into despair and the resulting dessert orders cost them all 56 points.
Nov 10, 2009 at 8:26 am rating: 37
#44
GhostWriter
“Dear You! I’m sitting the next table…”
“I’m an American citizen, honest!”
“I know it’s hard…”
“…it’s hard for me?”
These napkin notes are routine tricks of the trade at Hooters. The waitresses are always backstabbing each other and trying to steal patrons and tips from the other girls’ tables.
Angela knows that fat dudes crave validation and praise. However, Madison, who is serving the tugboats, always has trouble cozying up to large bearded men, ever since that week in ’03 when she stayed at Uncle Ralphy’s house and he bathed her every night.
No wonder Madison has been painfully thin, anorexially thin, for the past five years. The reality of fat old men paying $5 to drool over her sloppy boob job both disgusts her, and yet seems to be the only way, the natural way to gain the paternal attention she so desperately craves.
In short, her caloric intake is the only part of her life she can control. Validating obese stand-ins for Ralphy is simply beyond her. When they brush her bottom with their fingertips (which they always do, pretending to stretch) she freezes, flashing back to the murky tub water, Dove soap bars floating around her shins. Even their chicken wing & beer breath smells the same to her.
“American girls are too shy,” thinks Angela. “All she has to do is smile, lean forward and open her mouth a little more. Well, if she’s not going to do it, I will… My note should do the trick; I’ll even use that innuendo I learned at KittyKat’s strip club- what’s the easiest way for a guy to lose a little weight and feel good at the same time? This is Angela, boys- I’ll be your best.”
Nov 10, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 11
#45
laurie
…But you feel better afterwards, and validated, and accomplished.
At least, I hope so…. I don’t really know. This country is so different and I am alone…. And fatter. Like you (3).
Is that pie?
Nov 10, 2009 at 9:48 am rating: 5
#46
marte
I have to say, I’m overweight myself, and this note, especially with the phone number and the whole ‘you’ll feel better’ vibe, would be much more welcome to me than people muttering/laughing behind my back. The whole note feels more like awkwardly trying to be friendly in an odd eastern-european type way, not really trying to be mean or rude or intrusive. (I am from west europe myself, and the east really does have different social patterns, which are not always pleasant, from a western point of view)
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:13 am rating: 19
#47
Act
See, the issue I have with this kind of thing is that it doesn’t leave room for the fact that it’s not easy for some people to be thin. People who aren’t healthy should try to get more healthy, of course, but dammit, there are people out there– and lots of them, because the human race isn’t all genetically identical– who would have to go to extraordinarily unhealthy lengths to be this ideal “skinny.” Not to mention the myriad of metabolic disorders that exist that prevent some people from working properly, not to mention that some people just don’t have metabolisms that can burn an average 2k cals/day diet but there’s not a “disorder” involved.
(In interest of full disclosure, I guess, I’m someone who isn’t “skinny” but also isn’t overweight. It’s not physically possible for me to be a size 2; I’m not proportioned that way. But– I’m a healthy weight for my height and have never had health problems.)
And really, there are many “skinny fat” people who are thin but don’t eat healthily and have heart and circulation problems because of it. Many, many of them.
And the “fat fast food American” debate is really a pretty interesting class issue. Fast food is the cheapest, so often people eat there every day because it’s cost-effective and easy. Wealthy people can afford personal trainers and home-cooked meals, but there are people that can’t and it accounts for a very large part of the weight problem that exists now.
Nov 10, 2009 at 12:14 pm rating: 20
#48
T.U.M.
Dear you!
Excuse me 4 breaking in. I’m sitting the next table. I am from America. I am American, and American citizen too.
Please don’t get hurt, but the (1) of you should loose about five out of the six coats of perfume you’re wearing. I know it’s hard to put the bottle down. It;s certainly hard 4 me as I have muscle spasms in my writs that make me squeeze the atomizer (10) times for every (1) time I really need.
But U feel better afterwöørd, and validated, and spend less on Albuterol.
Best,
James Bond 007
Nov 10, 2009 at 1:10 pm rating: 19
#49
T.U.M.
Also,
Leela: No offense, Fry, but you’ve turned into a fat sack of crap.
Fry: Sack?!?
Nov 10, 2009 at 1:13 pm rating: 4
#50
mamason
In the immortal words of Tyra Banks, “Kiss my fat ass!”
Nov 10, 2009 at 2:49 pm rating: 5
#51
Har-Har
Dear You?! LOL
Nov 10, 2009 at 2:53 pm rating: 1
#52
Dingo
Does no one else see this as a horribly misguided attempt at flirtation? Not only did she provide her phone number, but in the space of that one note, she introduced herself, tried to demonstrate common interests, and gave some unwanted advice. Sounds like she’s got that entire relationship planned out.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:01 pm rating: 20
#53
Err
Oh I really don’t like loose weight. Loose weight is usually the exact thing I’m trying to lose.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:19 pm rating: 17
#54
anony
I don’t normally categorize an entire nation of people, but every Bulgarian (and Romanian) I have met was thoroughly unlikable. I had some Bulgarian/Romanian classmates in college and every single one of them was rude, selfish, and had a bad temper. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, but they seemed to have no reservations about being nasty people. So this note seems pretty much par for the course.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:24 pm rating: 3
#55
SickleYield
Me too, Err. :p
Seriously, though. As a fat person, I can understand wanting people to lose weight so you won’t have to pay their obesity-related medical bills later in life (in a country with increasingly tax-subsidized health care). That’s logical, so of course it’s the argument that’s never brought up. It’s the “exterior decorators” and the moralists that piss me off. I should lose weight because I’ll be healthier? Of course. I should lose weight because you think it’s gluttonously wrong that I can eat an entire batch of fudge I made for myself out of materials I bought out of my own income? How is that your business? I should lose weight because my big fat ass is cluttering up your beautiful world? Yeah, I’ll run out and join Weight Watchers right away for that one, pal.
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:31 pm rating: 22
#56
A
FAIL. One of the worst things you can do as an immigrant is to insult the locals.
Maybe Angie needs to get her silly ass deported back to sad, sad Bulgaria.
Nov 10, 2009 at 4:45 pm rating: 4
#57
jinx
I don’t know why, I don’t know any Bulgarians (from there or of Bulgarian decent), I imagine her to be hairy and smelly. As I imagine all immigrants to our fine land of fatties.
Nov 10, 2009 at 5:32 pm rating: 2
#58
Anonymous Public
YES YES YES! Go eastern europeans and their ability to be honest when necessary. Fat people totally need to lose weight and be ridiculed for being fat!
As an in-shape guy not just due to genetic superiority, but also a balanced diet and rigorous exercise program, I completly agree with the Bulgarian woman here! Someone needs to says something and since women are so highly illogical and defensive, men can’t do it!
Say what you will, it’s in our national interest.
We need more Bulgarians here. I’ve been there…the talent is outrageous. we should send them and the rest of the world some of our fat and content women. Maybe they can pull carts to lose the weight and then come back here!
Nov 10, 2009 at 5:49 pm rating: 5
#59
robin
we went out to lunch today and the whole time i had a clear and dangerous shot of some man’s ass crack. i’m pretty sure the waiter mentioned it to him and he covered it up but after a trip to the bathroom and sitting back down the view was as magnificent as ever. be whatever size you want to be, but please cover it up. and don’t forget to eat your veggies :O)
Nov 10, 2009 at 7:58 pm rating: 5
#60
Ash
She should mind her own business and learn how to spell. I wouldn’t normally say that since she’s from another country, but in this situation, I will.
Nov 11, 2009 at 8:55 am rating: 3
#61
Jasha
Get over it and lose the damn weight. Jeez!
Nov 12, 2009 at 9:15 am rating: 2
#62
cheryl
like a new immigrant would use ‘u’ instead of you and 4 instead of for. Obviously a fat american used to texting all the time. Smokers cost the health care system so much and everyone bitches. Obese sickly people cost the system more. Yeah I will bitch while you eat your comfort food and take 2 seats on the airlines to fit your fat ass in. Now pilots will have to balance the fatties along with the baggage.
Nov 14, 2009 at 8:07 pm rating: 1
#63
PlusSizedFeminist
Right. Because the only way to feel validated and accomplished is to be thin. What an idiot this bitch is. I hope her number is plastered all over the place and she gets soliciting calls.
Nov 27, 2009 at 10:56 pm rating: 6
#64
edithprickly
She probably got suckered into selling some worthless multilevel-marketed weight-loss products and was trying to drum up new business. Why else would she give out her phone number?
Dec 26, 2009 at 11:28 am rating: 5
#65 This gift might help with the pre-wedding stress. (Or not.) | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] Loose lips shrink hips? [...]
Apr 28, 2010 at 6:05 pm rating: 0
#66 Nutra-not-so-sweet | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people
[...] not everyone shares Angela’s compassion for the [...]
May 11, 2010 at 1:33 am rating: 0
#67 I am embarrassed for you! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] the writer of this public service announcement had Angela’s gall, she would have printed up flyers and handed them out to offenders in [...]
Jun 22, 2010 at 3:57 pm rating: 0
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