As Lachlan in Melbourne points out, for 4 and 6 years old these kids have pretty good writing skills (with the exception of that little “hyph:-colon”). But lawdy, kids today and their language!
Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh…
And in Philadelphia (as spotted by Tash, who is not a yuppie)…
related: the right to bear fruit
96 responses so far ↓
#1
Fresca
Dear Philadelphia tomato-stealer,
Your resentment of somebody’s wealth does not justify taking their tomatoes, but that jealousy is so heated as to make for a nice grilling. Any tomatoes you’ve taken should be sliced and applied to cheeseburgers post haste.
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:13 pm rating: +8
#2
Tina
Really< the C-word? OK, I guess the tomatoes mean alot to you all!
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm rating: +7
#3
oi
All this drama about fucking plants? of course they have pride in their street.
*not that there is anything wrong with that*
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:20 pm rating: +9
#4
Adam
Ha, the second one seems harsh but I think that it might be funny given the correct office type.
First one was obviously a parents doing. They are using their children. Tsk.
I’m from Philly, so if this were a talk show i’d wooo since my hometown was mentioned.
New one page scan what?
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: +1
#5
Geek Goddess
I think that this is a first, raising PAN standards yet again. I mean the sign padlocked to the fence. Even if the tomatoes are stolen, we will still have the sign.
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:26 pm rating: +16
#6
Tim Kolb
Mmmm, Those tomatoes were fucking delicious!
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:33 pm rating: +3
#7
Geek Goddess
That isn’t a little “hyph:-colon”. It is obviously a male body-parts emoticon. This is proved by the reference to another body part in the next line (heart). And not just any male parts, but gay male parts as well. (We have pride in our street) Of course, once you understand all that, you can then see the typo in the first sentence. Pants, people, pants. It was their pants that were stolen, not their plants. I am picturing them in leather; buttery soft, deep crimson leather, with the most delicious detailing on the back pockets, and subtle signs of wear in strategic areas. What a loss. No wonder they are angry.
*weeps delicately into a tiny, filmy handkerchief*
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:37 pm rating: +15
#8
Neil
Looks to me like #1 was probably an inside job. The ominous phrase ‘watering detail’ is a clue. Perhaps the daily 6-hour gardening session with Dad was somewhat unpleasant?
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:47 pm rating: +2
#9
JetJackson
I wouldn’t touch that plant. Anyone who plaits the stalk on their office plant has to be a fucking psychopath.
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:48 pm rating: +11
#10
park rose
Edited to join GG above
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:48 pm rating: +2
#11
infant tyrone
1) D and T may have a tough time dealing with phone menus, money, and 6th grade math after Mom + Dad preemptively defined #, $, *, and %.
2) In Humboldt County signs like this are generally unnecessary, but if you see one, you can be sure it’s a good idea to take it (the sign) literally.
3) If you find that one of these tomatoes has appeared in your hand, please do the right thing and deliver it with good aim and high velocity.
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: +12
#12
kdaniel
To the remarkably well spoken D and T:
Sorry, the plants no longer wish to live in your pride filled street; they’re actually quite ashamed of who they are and needed some time away to assess their little photosynthetic lives.
Sincerely,
The Selfish (Husk)ers (not to be confused with the Selfish Buskers, Selfish Bankers and/or Selfish Wankers)
Nov 12, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: +5
#13
pony girl
Even a small braided ficus is expensive. If they care so much about it, they should put it in a nice (heavy) ceramic container, so it wouldn’t get knocked over.
Or, they could just keep it in the cheap-ass (ugly) container it’s in and make blanket felonious threats to all of humanity (and their families) with post-it notes.
PS- I really want to knock it over.
Road trip!!
Nov 13, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: +12
#14
Canthz_B
If they could just get some of the genes from the lock into the tomato plants their problem would be solved.
Nov 13, 2009 at 12:10 am rating: +7
#15
park rose
I think all three signs are kind of ominous, but especially the first and the second. Anyone who has read John Wyndham might be feeling a little uneasy.
Nov 13, 2009 at 12:21 am rating: +3
#16
park rose
SELFISH $#%*ERS rarely use a condo
m.See how the signs tie together?
Nov 13, 2009 at 12:36 am rating: +3
#17
jinx
The second sign makes members of Peta look sane…
Nov 13, 2009 at 3:45 am rating: +5
#18
Critical Grass
D + T,
Your plants are dead, we knocked them over on porpous! And we’ll come for your #$%&ing family too, you proud miserable overprivileged, you! That’s right!
Who’s bad?
#$*%ERS
Nov 13, 2009 at 5:25 am rating: +1
#19
Havingfitz
Dear Tomato Grower:
1) I don’t live in the condo
2) I’m no horticulturist, but that is NOT a tomato crop.
3) Got any Fritos?
Nov 13, 2009 at 7:12 am rating: +3
#20
SB
I imagine that in the last case, the tomatoes are in some sort of community garden for the condo. Since when are people growing vegetables obliged to provide for the whole neighborhood? You want tomatoes, get your ass out there and start planting!
And I love how the note writer imagines the condo inhabitants are miserable. They’re probably pretty happy, actually–after all, they have their own garden. Ha haaaaah!
Nov 13, 2009 at 7:39 am rating: +3
#21
booger brain
Does anybody else think there are two note writers on the tomato sign? Note to self, don’t leave room for a PA response on your PAN.
Nov 13, 2009 at 8:39 am rating: +2
#22
oi
Who is watering detail? D & T’s mother? Father? who?
Nov 13, 2009 at 9:28 am rating: 0
#23
oi
#*%+ers……. have a heart and return them.
yeah when somebody requests it so politely I definitely meet it.
Nov 13, 2009 at 9:33 am rating: +6
#24
laurie
To be fair, I don’t enjoy strangers touching my tomatoes either.
Unless they pay.
And live in a nice condo.
Nov 13, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: +1
#25
Kevin
i wish i coulda tagged one o those tomatoes.
Nov 13, 2009 at 10:17 am rating: +2
#26
tilywinn
1) Why did the PAN author include details of the plantnappers victims? Was it to induce tears of remorse with which to water the stolen plants? I presume that is what was meant by ‘(watering detail)’. If anyone else can enlighten me on that matter, please do.
Nov 13, 2009 at 11:26 am rating: 0
#27
aaa
Fuck!
Nov 13, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: 0
#28
Wordtinker doesnt smith
Not that I know anything – but that ain’t a ficus in that ugly ass pot, and if someone knocked my Money Tree over, I wouldn’t get murderous – I’d go after their bank account. Folks always care more about their money than their lives – case in point – someone’s been knocking over the money tree.
Nov 13, 2009 at 6:11 pm rating: +3
#29
Chiara
Nice when mothers put swear words in children’s mouths.
Nov 14, 2009 at 6:11 pm rating: 0
#30
thunderroad
Haha, a hyph:-colon looks like a tiny penis.
Nov 16, 2009 at 10:52 am rating: 0
#31
??????
“мысли здравые, но тяжело читать, не знаю почему”
Nov 16, 2009 at 3:49 pm rating: 0
#32
Martin
Lol
Nov 22, 2009 at 7:54 am rating: 0
Leave a Comment