Nothing says Christmas like... | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Worst. Metaphor. Ever.

November 29th, 2009 · 95 comments

Based on the evidence below, I’d say one of John’s male coworkers in Sydney, Australia has taken “holiday spirit” too far. Way, way, too far.

related: sprinkles are for cupcakes

This post is favorited by 0 registered users

FILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · holiday spirit · sydney · toilet

95 responses so far ↓

#1 Wade

Mister Hankey would disagree.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:15 pm rating: +19

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Canthz_B
  
  “Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo
  Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
  He loves me, I love you,
  Therefore vicariously he loves you
  Even if you’re a Jew.
  
  Sometimes he’s nutty, sometimes he’s corny
  He can be brown or greenish brown,
  But if you eat fibre on Christmas Eve
  He might come to your town.
  
  Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
  He loves me, I love you,
  He looooovves you!”
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 10:57 pm rating: +7
add to this thread
#2 crumplet

Bondi Cigars make the best gift, ever!

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: +5

reply to this comment
#3 Martin

wow… that’s pretty col. I like how the little present is positioned in that picture. Totally thought this was going somewhere else when i glimpsed that first. And then… mind = blown

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:23 pm rating: +9

reply to this comment
#4 tiff

WOW….John sucks

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:25 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #4.1 mamason
  
  WTF did John do?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:22 pm rating: +3
- #4.2 Critical Grass
  
  You suck!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:55 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#5 kdaniel

I’m pretty sure the clip art is depicting “Dick in a Box”, which is definitely a fun gift for some people.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:25 pm rating: +26

reply to this comment
- #5.1 Lady J J
  
  I was also curious about use of “modesty gift”
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 9:28 pm rating: +3
- #5.2 Critical Grass
  
  It’s easy to do, just follow these steps:
  
  1 – Cut a hole in a box;
  2 – put your junk in that box;
  3 – make her open the box.
  
  And that’s the way you do it.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 9:39 am rating: +7
- #5.3 Amanda
  
  I was going to say the same thing!
  
  Dec 2, 2009 at 6:42 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#6 Canthz_B

Gifts left in the toilet are no fun for anyone.

Maybe so, but I’ll always cherish the urinal cake my dad left me.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:26 pm rating: +20

reply to this comment
- #6.1 Gavin
  
  and the skin flute?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 4:00 am rating: +4
- #6.2 mamason
  
  I hope there was fruit with that urinal cake!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:23 pm rating: +6
- #6.3 Canthz_B
  
  mamason, of course there was, it was a urinal fruitcake.
  Lasts twice as long as the plain kind!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#7 Lady J J

“Please deposit ‘gift’ in the glory hole on the right”
thx sandra

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:26 pm rating: +15

reply to this comment
- #7.1 mamason
  
  “There will be a penalty for early withdrawal.”
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:25 pm rating: +9
add to this thread
#8 Canthz_B

No fun indeed!

Looks like someone has never played Toilet Hockey!

Though I admit, it’s a pretty shitty sport.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:28 pm rating: +10

reply to this comment
#9 leftfoot

I can’t help but think of German shiza videos.

Was that intended?

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:31 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #9.1 aaa
  
  Sheiße.
  
  (Or sheisse if you don’t like the fucked up German double-S thing.)
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 5:19 pm rating: +1
- #9.2 leftfoot
  
  I’m a jew so I refuse to spell german words correctly.
  
  Dec 1, 2009 at 3:07 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#10 anglophile

Ah, you kids are so spoiled these days. Why, in my day we got a nickel, an orange, and a poo in our stocking and that was Christmas. None of these fancy game systems or iPods.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:32 pm rating: +20

reply to this comment
- #10.1 Canthz_B
  
  And we were happy to have it!!
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 10:03 pm rating: +9
- #10.2 infant tyrone
  
  Hey, now you tell me !
  I spent the nickel and ate the orange.
  
  But I thought the dark hard thing was coal, so I
  chalked it up to misbehavior and tossed it in the furnace.
  
  No wonder the house smelled kind of nasty ’til New Years.
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 11:15 pm rating: +10
- #10.3 Palomon
  
  I got an iPoop!
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: +21
- #10.4 Geek Goddess
  
  We used to dream of having a nickel!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 12:47 am rating: +12
- #10.5 infant tyrone
  
  Ahhh, Luxury….its name was nickel….
  
  You and Groucho, GG…
  Nice company you keep in your dreams…
  
  “Do you know what this country needs?
  A seven-cent nickel.
  We’ve been using the five-cent nickel in this country since 1492….
  Why not give the seven-cent nickel a chance?
  If that works out, next year we can have an eight-cent nickel.
  Think what that would mean.
  You could go to a newsstand, buy a three-cent paper, and get the same nickel back again.
  One nickel carefully used would last a family a lifetime.”
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: +10
- #10.6 Canthz_B
  
  There was a time when a nickel could buy you a pot to piss in with cuspidor aspirations included.
  That’s upward mobility.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 1:15 am rating: +8
add to this thread
#11 Quinn

*insert poop joke*

Lmao. XD

I’m five.

Nov 29, 2009 at 9:36 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Bunnee
  
  Oh, c’mon! We all know poop jokes are funny.
  
  …and does your mother know you’re on the computer?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 11:19 am rating: +5
- #11.2 mamason
  
  Q: What do you do if you get swallowed by an elephant?
  
  A: You jump up and down till you’re all pooped out.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:27 pm rating: +9
- #11.3 Critical Grass
  
  mama, does it really work?
  
  quinn, you’re a very smart five year old. If you’re older though, then.. No.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:51 pm rating: +4
add to this thread
#12 Kelly

Damn, there go my plans for Christmas gifts… now what will I get my family?

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:16 pm rating: +8

reply to this comment
#13 AuntyBron

I have crappy gifts.

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: +9

reply to this comment
#14 TP

I think the clip art boy has his dick in a box for you …

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:29 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
#15 Canthz_B

Can you get any more passively aggressive than holding this toilet-gift grudge for a full year?

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: +5

reply to this comment
#16 slythwolf

But for shame! Surely everyone loves Mr. Hanky!

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #16.1 Canthz_B
  
  I know for sure that Wade does.
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: +9
add to this thread
#17 Canthz_B

Lennie’s note to self:

This year, put George’s gingerbread man on the tree.

Nov 29, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
#18 Adam

This one is written well. The first two lines trick you into reading the whole thing. I feel this one really works.

Nov 29, 2009 at 11:02 pm rating: +21

reply to this comment
- #18.1 mamason
  
  I concur.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:28 pm rating: +4
- #18.2 Critical Grass
  
  Do you, Adam? Do you really?!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:49 pm rating: +4
- #18.3 infant tyrone
  
  I think Adam’s pretty much in touch with his feelings.
  
  I don’t think anyone who’s emotionally detached could come up with the idea of a drive-by paintball-hit operation, much less run it successfully.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 3:05 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#19 infant tyrone

Maybe they just don’t have the right music playing in the facilities ?
They should switch to this classic “Owed to Poseidon” number.
Ralph Gleason always said Jay had a set of copper-o-philic pipes…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvNO0BfBecc

Nov 29, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
#20 JetJackson

But good will amongst men means peeing off the skid marks left by the last guy…

Where is your Christmas spirit?

Nov 29, 2009 at 11:28 pm rating: +15

reply to this comment
#21 Palomon

Does anyone else think the kid in the pic looks like he’s taking a dump?

Nov 29, 2009 at 11:34 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #21.1 JetJackson
  
  I think the kid is giving birth to a Christmas present.
  
  Nov 29, 2009 at 11:42 pm rating: +16
- #21.2 infant tyrone
  
  Professor, I thought it looked more like a shit up.
  The hands-behind-head posture was all I was basing that opinion on.
  
  On closer review, however, I noticed the lack of clearly identifiable feet, which makes me wonder if the poor guy has anything, extremity-wise, beyond the knees and elbows. From the limbs (or lack thereof) I went faceward and found no nose and an empty mouth.
  
  The big-picture-analysis tells me that this urchin wants far more for Christmas (at least this year) than just his two front teeth.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 12:28 am rating: +7
- #21.3 Gavin
  
  …or preparing to smuggle it accross the border… if only he had a bit of downward force it might go in
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 4:03 am rating: +5
add to this thread
#22 Canthz_B

Floaters.

The gifts that keep on ~~spinning~~ giving.

Nov 30, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #22.1 Renagade676
  
  I laughed so hard I woke my son up.
  
  Thanks for the mental image.
  
  Why can’t I get those toy submarines out of my head?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:15 am rating: +2
add to this thread
#23 Canthz_B

I’ve been trying for months to acquire a level 9 staff.
Now I know I must go back across the River Urhine and see the Wizard of Kohler who can bestow upon me the Power of Flush.

Why can’t these RPGs tell you when you’re missing essential magic?!

Nov 30, 2009 at 12:12 am rating: +27

reply to this comment
- #23.1 infant tyrone
  
  As Palomon once phrased it “Grudging thumb for” Urhine/WOK/POF.
  
  Anybody casting SOW (Spirit of Whirlpool) ?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: +4
- #23.2 Canthz_B
  
  I feel as though I’ve been validated by a Bulgarian.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 1:05 am rating: +5
- #23.3 infant tyrone
  
  As the Navy boys say, “Don’t let it go to your head”.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 1:13 am rating: +4
- #23.4 Canthz_B
  
  My ego isn’t so easily inflated, you give your brea(d)th too much credit in assuming it has such width.
  
  Let’s stick to the note, shall we?
  We wouldn’t want anyone to think us “blow”-hards, now would we?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 1:22 am rating: +3
- #23.5 infant tyrone
  
  Gosh, no…blowhards wouldn’t be quite The Thing to asspire to, huh?
  
  Inflation usually involves 3 dimensions (at least In Real Life).
  
  I was giving you a compliment, but somehow you took off and went to Bulgaria with it. My bad, I’m sure…now back to the note ?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:18 am rating: +4
- #23.6 Geek Goddess
  
  I’m confused now. Tell me again, is Bulgaria in South America or not?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:27 am rating: +8
- #23.7 Canthz_B
  
  Compliments not necessary… to thumb or not to thumb…that is the question.
  
  Do you really need recognition for thumbing a comment?
  
  I suppose so, given your three dimensional (inflated?) ego.
  
  “asspire” is something I could work wonders with, do you agree, Dr. Freud?
  
  “Yah, Yah…I concur, Dr. CB.”
  
  Besides, all I did was make an innocent comment relating to the note, you felt the need to add your “grudging” approval?
  
  Thanks, PAN God!
  
  Do we all need your approval from this point forward?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 2:40 am rating: +4
- #23.8 infant tyrone
  
  Asspire was a slow softball…so far, nada.
  As Mr. Simon says, “Why deny the obvious child?”
  Few phenomena resemble a “Sore Winner”.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 8:58 am rating: +3
- #23.9 Critical Grass
  
  GG, yes, Bulgaria is now in South America, we just had to move French Guiana and Suriname to Europe where they belong, so we could make room for it. Bulgaria definitely belongs with us.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 9:27 am rating: +12
add to this thread
#24 Geek Goddess

This adds a whole new level of fun to the white elephant gift exchange.

Nov 30, 2009 at 12:21 am rating: +5

reply to this comment
- #24.1 park rose
  
  Did you just make a trunk call, GG?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 3:10 am rating: +5
add to this thread
#25 Ebinezor S.

Bah Humbug! Level 9s are lucky to have jobs. Level 5 and 6’s are getting laided off and yet level 9s remain.

Nov 30, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #25.1 Gavin
  
  and remain at large by the sounds of it, been a while since I did a level 9′er
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 4:06 am rating: +2
add to this thread
#26 Canthz_B

You have to consider the fact that Santa is in a bit of a hurry, and with all that fruitcake and all those cookies…well, you can understand the occasional “extra gift” left behind.

Nov 30, 2009 at 1:57 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
#27 Canthz_B

On Donner! On Blitzen!
In their toilet I’ve shitzen!
The time is coming when,
Of this someone speaks.
Of the time I left them,
The bounty of my rosey cheeks!

Nov 30, 2009 at 2:23 am rating: +8

reply to this comment
#28 park rose

I think it’s a side effect of coriolis of the giver.

I know, spun me out too.

Clockwise, I think. At least when I’m at home.

Nov 30, 2009 at 3:03 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #28.1 Canthz_B
  
  I could counter that from here, rose,
  But I don’t want to spin this one too much!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 3:44 am rating: +3
add to this thread
#29 park rose

Everyone knows that anal expulsives are more generous and expressive than anal retentives. More into finger painting and abstract expression and such (the perfect kind of Christmas gift). Hands up those who agree with me? …On second thoughts…expulsives, just keep your hands where they were.

Nov 30, 2009 at 3:47 am rating: +8

reply to this comment
#30 Gavin

This note puzzles me it says: “please think of the health and well-being of your fellow level 9 staff”.

Is it commonplace to drink from the bowl? Whatsmore I’ve never had one jump out the bowl at me and viciously maul me… maybe I’ve been fortunate.

Nov 30, 2009 at 4:10 am rating: +6

reply to this comment
- #30.1 park rose
  
  Well, you inserted that hyphen, Gavin. Couldn’t bear to leave it out, eh, you old copy-editor / technical writer / investment genius you? Shoulda left off the quotes, then, don’t you think? Or possibly inserted: (author’s own punctuation added).
  
  But, I digress. I’m trying to work the bowel, and answer your question. But why bother? I got distracted in my google search and came up with gold (I think). Both of these are links from Australian government sites, all about you and your poo.
  
  Who can resist?:
  
  poo comes out. Most kids poo once a day. PLEASE, look after your bowel or it may learn bad habits. Bad bowel habits can make you dirty your pants. …
  
  I kid you not.
  
  Second one is Healthy bladder and bowel (poo).
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 5:29 am rating: +5
- #30.2 Geek Goddess
  
  No gold there, pr. That is pure brown. Brown, I tell you.
  
  But seriously, this is how they educate kids in Australia? And the anatomically incorrect picture of the kid on the cut-away toilet. When you are shitting on the toilet, the poo comes out. But where does it come out from? Not from where they are showing it in that picture. And where is Neptune while all this is going down?
  
  I certainly understand how you got distracted though.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 6:13 am rating: +9
- #30.3 Gavin
  
  Lmfao at the guide, I didn’t realise women did that too, eww
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 6:34 am rating: +3
- #30.4 park rose
  
  Women are strange and mysterious creatures, Gavin. You might find this out as you get a little chest hair. GG, you calling me PR now? rose, please, by name and nature
  
  Umm, yes, I guess that is how they educate us in Australia, and maybe why I failed Human Biology (well, that and the fact that I never took it).
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 7:26 am rating: +4
- #30.5 infant tyrone
  
  Gavin,
  
  On an otherwise slow night…it’s been known to happen.
  
  Count yourself fortunate.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 8:37 am rating: +1
- #30.6 anglophile
  
  If you are old enough to read these guides, haven’t you already got the whole bowel thing sorted for yourself?
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 8:54 am rating: +7
- #30.7 park rose
  
  You want to stick that thing where!?
  
  No, I wasn’t referring to your comment Ty Poisedon/Neptune made a sudden appearance with his three-pronged prong and startled me.
  
  Oh, you were referring to Gavin’s original comment? Nothing to see here, move along.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: +2
- #30.8 Geek Goddess
  
  All right,rose, rose it is. But please don’t feel obligated to call me God.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 4:52 pm rating: +1
- #30.9 aaa
  
  I don’t poo. But then again, I don’t live in Australia and am technically only half a woman. And am only half-alive. So that’s only one-quarter living woman with the potential to poo.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 5:15 pm rating: +2
- #30.10 park rose
  
  aaa, I think that tip number 3 might be for you and all the glittery living dead out there:
  
  Try not to get constipated – this is when your “poo”
  is too hard or you have to push to get it out.
  
  Oh, GG, ‘ess it is, then or maybe eekess.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 5:29 pm rating: +3
- #30.11 Critical Grass
  
  aaa, I gotta meet you.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 6:01 pm rating: +1
- #30.12 aaa
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 8:21 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#31 Havingfitz

Oh, great, NOW you tell me. Do you have any idea how hard that was to wrap???

Nov 30, 2009 at 6:48 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
#32 Mo®

He sees you when your shitting, he knows when you don’t flush….♬

Nov 30, 2009 at 7:24 am rating: +9

reply to this comment
- #32.1 park rose
  
  ♪ You better not play with it, or it will turn to mush, hey! ♫
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 7:29 am rating: +6
add to this thread
#33 Susannie

What’s up with all the poo PAN’s posted these days? I almost don’t come here during lunch hour. Almost

Nov 30, 2009 at 7:29 am rating: +3

reply to this comment
#34 Critical Grass

I think it’s the intent that counts. Look at the beautiful porcelain wrap. The giver obviously put a lot of …er… ~~effort~~ thought into that gift.

Nov 30, 2009 at 9:33 am rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #34.1 Mo®
  
  Aw and with a warm water squirty hose too! They really care!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 12:05 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#35 aaa

But make sure you close the lid before you flush in order to keep the spray of fecal mist from penetrating your body and cutting straight into your soul (Which happens to be your mitochondria. Science totally says so.)

Nov 30, 2009 at 5:11 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #35.1 Palomon
  
  Turns out The Force is with you if it’s coded in yer mitichondria. Does it go dark if poo mist gets into yer cells?
  God, Lucas sucks.
  What were we talking about?
  Oh, yeah. Thought I strayed off subject for a second, but we’re OK.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 9:47 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#36 Canthz_B

This year I swear I won’t call the argyle sweater my sister is sure to send a shitty gift.
It sure beats the real thing. Maybe the Raccoon Lodge will have another 50’s party.

Nov 30, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #36.1 Critical Grass
  
  Argyle sweater?! How Vintage of your sister. But really, argyle sweaters are very in right now, you should wear them with skinny jeans and All Star shoes.
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 9:59 pm rating: 0
- #36.2 Canthz_B
  
  LOL, any jeans I wear end up being skinny!
  
  Nov 30, 2009 at 10:30 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#37 Palomon

Anyone read or seen _Running With Scissors_?
Rememebr the shrink who scooped his poo out of the bowl because he thought it was a message from god?
Puts the whole not flushing in perspective, eh?

Nov 30, 2009 at 9:51 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment

It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (79)
- anglophile: “spin-off into only loosely-related tangent”
- Geek Goddess: “Nested comment”
- FeRD: [citation needed]
If you could summarize BYU culture in one note… (76)
- Lou Smith: Ah, passive aggressiveness… a staple of Mormon culture
- FeRD: Perhaps they don’t pay for drinks simply because they don’t want to be forced to interact with the...

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

Worst. Metaphor. Ever.

November 29th, 2009 · 95 comments

95 responses so far ↓

Leave a Comment

"That's not passive-aggressive. That's just plain aggressive!" (Um, yeah.)

Kerry's favorites

Blogroll

CONTACT * SUBSCRIBE VIA RSS * PANOTES ON FACEBOOK * @PANOTES on TWITTER

and maintained with caring support from eerac