Heather in Indianapolis is the kind of gal who helps out a pal who’s down on his luck. So when her marginally employed friend needed a place to crash while he got back on his feet, she let Greg live in her house and help himself to her food and other belongings, like her laptop, “pretty much rent-free,” for three months.
One day, after several hours spent trying to get rid of all the spyware on her computer — thanks to all the porn sites she found in the browser history — she turned on parental controls. (A lil’ passive-aggressive? Maybe.) Then, when she forgot to log off one day, Greg removed them.
When Heather figured this out (after being bombarded by spyware once again) she added the parental controls back. And Greg — instead of saying something like, “Hey, did you realize those settings block stuff like Google and Careerbuilder?” — left her this charming note.
“According to this note,” Heather says, “in addition to all the horrible things I’ve done such as give him a place to live, let him eat my food, give him breaks on rent for months at a time and put up with his laziness, carelessness and filth, I have also DENIED HIM A SOCIAL LIFE! OMG!”
UPDATE: The back of the note!
Shoshana, it looks like you have some competition.
related: WoW, indeed.
218 responses so far ↓
#1
César
I don’t understand how someone who is working a full time job albeit minimum wage and barely paying rent can’t afford to buy their own computer. I’d kick him out.
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:23 pm rating: 38
#2
ClearlyDemented
This guy really IS motivated. Only a couple of days to backup his files? It usually takes me at least a week.
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: 25
#3
Arachne
What kind of a social life is he being deprived of? I didn’t see anything about her locking him in the house so he couldn’t leave and have a conversation with a real human being. And he must have left the house at some point for him to have an interview if the internet settings are so stringent.
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: 27
#4
Matt
Did he write this with his feet? Seriously, I have papers from the 3rd grade with better handwriting. Blame the grid paper?
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: 65
#5
aaa
Does Greg not think it’s lame and pretty low that his social life is dependent on the internet?
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 32
#6
Renagade676
Please don’t criticize his choice of friends.
Ta-tas have feelings too!
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 14
#7
aaa
Should’ve known better
Damn leech. Next time, I need a
Rental agreement
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:49 pm rating: 21
#8
Geek Goddess
He thinks that telling her to look for a new roommate is a threat?
Unless you figure how hard it will be for her to find someone else that needy.Dec 3, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 26
#9
jenany
what
a
loser
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: 7
#10
Geek Goddess
Sure, she didn’t tell him ahead of time that she was changing the settings on her very own personal laptop. But did he tell her ahead of time that her hard drive was going to be wallowing in the very depths of the worst sleaze available over the internet, and catching who-knows-what from it? And I’ll bet that he didn’t wash his hands between a little personal moment of disturb and touching the keyboard to go to the next site/log off.
Dec 3, 2009 at 10:59 pm rating: 65
#11
jinx
I bet Greg is really Heather’s boyfriend, or ex. This note screams sexual tension or we used to fuck so, I’m done with you. lol
Dec 3, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: 14
#12
Mel K
Dear Greg,
Many thanks for the prompting to find a new roommate.
I asked the homeless guy that lives near the train station if he wanted to move in. He said “Sure” and offered to help move your crap out while you were at your interview. He even had boxes for you. Such a polite guy. Best thing- neither of us like internet porn!
I had no idea how simple it would be!
xx
Heather
Dec 3, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: 62
#13
ArfArf
Yup. Porn sites are how my laptop caught crabs.
Dec 3, 2009 at 11:42 pm rating: 12
#14
Canthz_B
Poor Greg.
He’s about to get a full-time position, his very own place, and find out just how much internet access really costs.
Poor Heather.
She’s about to be able to come home and eat what she purchased, without having to wonder if it has already been scarfed down by a freeloader, and she won’t have any crusty Kleenex to pick up in the den/home office.
Poor me for having to be the one to tell Greg that frequenting internet porn sites isn’t exactly what we call a “social life”.
Dec 4, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: 42
#15
pony girl
Huh. I didn’t know my ex had moved to Indianapolis.
Dec 4, 2009 at 1:25 am rating: 47
#16
Tim Kolb
I had to go to the local library before i got connected to get my cyber fix. Your situation could be a heck of a lot worse, Greg.
Man up and take back control of your life, dude.
Dec 4, 2009 at 2:25 am rating: 5
#17
Canthz_B
I’m sure Greg was only watching internet porn because he’s studying the cinematography.
It was the web comics that led to the empty Vaseline containers under his bed.
Dec 4, 2009 at 2:41 am rating: 7
#18
Jas
I really hope he wasn’t applying for a position where handwriting is taken into account.
Dec 4, 2009 at 3:14 am rating: 6
#19
eslinger
I’m somewhat sure I know this guy from the gaming site I frequent. He’s also a douche, and would pull such shenanigans. I think I shall ask him if he’s been douching it up in Indy lately. Will let you know of my findings. (Thrincold, you’ve been warned!)
Dec 4, 2009 at 4:22 am rating: 5
#20
Na
Huh… everyone’s criticising him for his handwriting…
I guess that means it’s pretty bad that my handwriting is even worse…
Dec 4, 2009 at 5:33 am rating: 3
#21
Grant
Meh! So long as her new settings don’t block access to PAN, who cares?
Dec 4, 2009 at 5:58 am rating: 6
#22
Adam
graph paper really takes me back to the old junior high days…
Dec 4, 2009 at 6:48 am rating: 1
#23
cheeky
Sheesh, that Heather is such a bitch.
What if Greg’s chosen career is porn??
Dec 4, 2009 at 7:15 am rating: 4
#24
unholyghost2003
No, Greg, I will not start looking for a new roommate. I dont want a new roommate. I didnt even want your couch surfing ass here. If I wanted to provide another person with free lodging, food and entertainment I would have a kid. Get out of my house.
~Heather
Dec 4, 2009 at 7:20 am rating: 37
#25
the elf
I suspect “bad economy” isn’t the reason that he is marginally employed.
Dec 4, 2009 at 7:39 am rating: 15
#26
Gavin
Heather, seeing as you’ll have a spare room soon, you want to get it together, it sounds cushty at yours
Dec 4, 2009 at 7:54 am rating: 0
#27
alpha717
Heather,
Yes, I pulled one on you the other day. I hope this does not change our relationship.
Dec 4, 2009 at 8:05 am rating: 0
#28
diddleymaz
Serial killer writing??
Dec 4, 2009 at 8:11 am rating: 0
#29
laurie
Looks like someone needs to better learn how to be master of their domain.
Dec 4, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: 4
#30
Joe 2
I had a “roommate” like that. After multiple missed deadlines of either finding a job or moving out, I simply piled all his stuff by the curb.
Last I heard, he got a place to stay for the next 3-5 years.
Dec 4, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: 12
#31
Quinn
I once had a roommate that paid $100/month, had his own room (had to pay for no utilities or anything extra – including cable or internet), ate our food, was driven to work in our cars (so didn’t have to pay for his own gas), and threw fits when we wouldn’t let him use our laundry detergent.
We never had another roommate.
Dec 4, 2009 at 10:09 am rating: 6
#32
Karey
Have none of these people heard of anti-virus software?
Dec 4, 2009 at 10:09 am rating: 0
#33
park rose
Give a man webcomics, he’ll peak for a day.
Give him webporn, he’ll peak forever.
Sorry, just in my mind, and my faculties are too far gone to practice prudence. She won’t come out to play, anyway.
Dec 4, 2009 at 10:10 am rating: 4
#34
Erin
Heather, I love you, but you need to grow some ovaries and learn how to communicate.
You do not tell a person that you’re dissatisfied with their use of your laptop by adding parental controls.
You do it by opening your mouth and saying so.
I know it’s difficult.
I know it’s awkward.
But all the time and effort you spent dicking around on your computer would be much better invested in having a mature one-on-one conversation.
If you can’t communicate with your roommate, how are you going to negotiate a deal on a house when you want to buy one? How are you going to negotiate a job offer with an employer?
Communication + calm confrontation = valuable life skill.
Dec 4, 2009 at 10:19 am rating: 5
#35
Woman on the Verge
Dear Greg,
If your social life is completely dependent on an internet connection, consider the parental controls an intervention.
Love,
Heather
Dec 4, 2009 at 11:04 am rating: 20
#36
farcical aquatic ceremony
Greg didn’t MEAN to dip his ladle in the soup of nastiness, he just misunderstood what the social networking apps are about~he thought facebook had to do with face-SITTING, google with looking through curtains at neighbors’ boobies with night-vision GOGGLES, and that career builder would tell him how to make a smooth transition from hardcore porn fluffer to hardcore porn star.
Dec 4, 2009 at 11:36 am rating: 7
#37
MK
Wow, he is a lovely friend. I wish I had friends like Greg, so I could be so kind to them and they can write me nice letters, too.
But seriously, I would point out to Greg that an online social life IS NOT a social life. He is a hermit. Possibly with crabs.
Dec 4, 2009 at 12:07 pm rating: 4
#38
JessieJane
I put parental control on my laptop when my brother had to use it for a week, but rigged it up to give no explanation as to why sites were being blocked.
He thought it was my internet connection and only stopped complaining when I suggested we get my dad to check the problem.
Completely off-topic, I know
Dec 4, 2009 at 12:22 pm rating: 23
#39
Heather
Wow, bad timing…we’re actually getting along now.
Greg is actually a nice guy who has hit a rough patch…he’s assured me I will get rent money in a week and I don’t think he’s “pulling one on me.”
I left him my own passive-aggressive note explaining that I felt I was being used and that he wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain. Afterwards we talked it out. He’s since gotten a lot better at cleaning up after himself, doing chores when he can’t make rent, etc.
Personally, I’m working on standing up to people and not doing something rash when I get mad at them, like post things publicly for others to make fun of ; )
Dec 4, 2009 at 12:43 pm rating: 10
#40
Heather
I agreed to put him up for a month rent-free while he found steady work. It took a bit longer than that.
Dec 4, 2009 at 2:02 pm rating: 3
#41
lightspeedchick
P.S. “I respect that,…” what? Can anyone make out that word?
Dec 4, 2009 at 4:57 pm rating: 1
#42
Tp
I dunno, anyone that is capable of pulling that crap on you will do it again. He is just in the “make-up” phase now, and will start slipping back into his old ways. Yes, yes, they always do.
By the way, I know this seems mean, but I can tell you from experience NEVER LET ANYONE use your computer that you cannot 100% trust. I have been in situations similar to yours and got fucked thinking I was being the nice person, the helpful person, etc.
Let us know when he starts douching again so we can have more cool notes to dissect.
Dec 4, 2009 at 5:40 pm rating: 6
#43
Nix
No good deed goes unpunished!
Heather, $20 says you are on Judge Judy with him by the end of the year.
Dec 4, 2009 at 11:44 pm rating: 12
#44
Elizabeth
I dated a guy like that once. Even as “just friends” it took decades to realize what a self-centered jerk he is. Pathological.
Dec 5, 2009 at 7:32 am rating: 6
#45
WTF
I have nothing to say about this note. I can’t even read it. I do,however, have something to say about the rotten redirects I get when I come to this site.It doesn’t always happen but it’s annoying none the less. When I have to use task manager to shut down my browser I get very annoyed! The redirect is to some “free scanner”. F off with that sh@#. I don’t mind some ads but the scanner redirect is SH#$!
Dec 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm rating: 0
#46
WTF
Have Adblock and NoScript but it gets by both.
Dec 5, 2009 at 9:07 pm rating: 0
#47
WTF
Yup, my comp is very secure and up to date. I even tried to read the page source but can’t catch it quick enough before it redirects. Still going to come here for the laughs though.
Dec 5, 2009 at 9:12 pm rating: 0
#48
Elaine
My roommate uses my computer and it drives me fucking insane.
It’s only a matter of time before I leave my own passive aggressive note for her to find.
Dec 6, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 1
#49
WTF
I don’t have malware or anything like that. It only happens at this site so it would have to be very specific malware. I don’t go to any questionable sites and unless my cat has learned how to use the internet to download kitty porn no one else uses this comp but me.
Dec 6, 2009 at 12:38 pm rating: 2
#50
WTF
Thanx for that very passive aggressive answer.
Dec 6, 2009 at 12:50 pm rating: 3
#51
Canned Touched His
Now we know why he doesn’t have a job. Too much “socializing” while at work.
Dec 6, 2009 at 1:19 pm rating: 5
#52
WTF
@ Canthz Seriously? I really hate it when people roll their eyes. Anyways, If you don’t know much about computers then why even answer me? Just to be rude? I know enough about computers to know when I have a virus or trojan or malware. You assume that I’m an idiot who goes around clicking links nilly willy. Well, I’m not. And gigglebraxing? Really? lol. When I click on “add to this thread” nothing happens so there’s that.
Enough help thank you.
@ anglophile I do appreciate that you tried to help.
Dec 6, 2009 at 5:17 pm rating: 2
#53
WTF
Wow, does your hand hurt after typing all that? Your opinion was not asked for indeed. I was merely making a statement about the redirect that shows up on this site sometimes (probably from a bad ad and not a fault of the person who runs this site). It only happened at this site so that is why I mentioned it here. I have installed a firefox add on that will hopefully solve this problem so hopefully you won’t be bothered by my lowly computer problems anymore. And yes I probably do know way more about computers than you do.
Dec 6, 2009 at 8:33 pm rating: 1
#54
WTF
Wow Canthz_B you really are a big douche aren’t you. A 50 year old male trying to be part of an internet clique is just sad.
Dec 7, 2009 at 2:37 pm rating: 1
#55
LB
I feel like forcing her to read your horrendous chicken-scratch she be punishment enough, Greg.
Feb 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm rating: 0
#56
mr 3nt
I read that story and instantly knew that Heather was the kind girl I’d been looking for all my life and I will marry her pronto.
Then I read the comments and that she is gay.
sigh. Just my luck.
Feb 28, 2010 at 4:50 am rating: 4
#57 I love you...now GTFO | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: Couchsurfing Greg gets pissed [...]
Sep 1, 2011 at 7:41 pm rating: 0
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