Escape poodle

December 7th, 2009 · 219 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Canada says his apartment building has been having some crime issues lately that has the residents all aflutter — resulting (according to the following note) in a modern-day witch hunt…Canadian-style!

Just because I have a lot of tattoos doesn't mean I'm a drug dealer!

Jay darling, I think everybody in your building owes you a big fat hug.

related: On jamming

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · Canada · CAPS LOCK · drugs · malapropisms · neighbors


219 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Greg

    What a non-jerk.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:19 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Tim Kolb

      You don’t by chance live with a gay chick named Heather?

      Dec 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   pony girl

      She’s not gay.
      She’s a lesbian.
      Apparently, there’s a difference.
      (To certain non-gay men, who shall remain nameless.)

      or is it whom?

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   jinx

      I’m not a man if you’re referring to me.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   pony girl

      *grabs goat and runs*

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   infant tyrone bang

      If there is a back-side to this note, please post it straightaway, before Clique and Claque (The Tappet Brothers) have to circle the station wagons to defend against the seemingly unavoidable cries of havoc from the cute little puppies of flame war.

      Yeah, it’s just aphasia they’re going thru, but why here if we can avoid it?

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Palomon bang

      They’re “Click” and “Clack,” fancy boy.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   infant tyrone bang

      Yes, Professor P., I know that Tom + Ray spell their versions
      Click and Clack. I was just making a point and trying to lure in
      any grammar/spelling/pronunciation Gestapo types who thought
      click is never an accepted pronunciation for clique. It is. JFGI

      But it’s nice to know
      that you know
      what I mean
      when I say,
      “Don’t drive like my brother!”*

      * quoted with permission of the legal firm of Dewey, Cheatem, and How.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Palomon bang

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just see that it doesn’t happen again.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Canthz_B bang

      If you happen to not be referring to jinx, she’s a man? 8-O

      Not Morg, yet not Imorg.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   pony girl bang

      i thought it was Frick and Frack

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Canthz_B bang

      Rosencrantz and Guildenstern wouldn’t undertake this mission, but they’re dead anyway, so why bother asking?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   infant tyrone bang

      PG, you know they don’t allow such ribald and raunchy talk on NPR !

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   pony girl bang

      I live in Texas.
      State law disallows listening to NPR.
      ;)

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:58 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   Canthz_B bang

      I live in Texas.
      State law disallows listening to NPR.

      Maybe, but at least they’re allowed to have a daily Rush!!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   infant tyrone bang

      Check into that PG…
      I think there used to be an exception under which a husband in the process of shooting his wife (and her companion) whom he discovered in flagrante delicto,

      said husband could be listening to NPR during the course of the ‘Lone Star annulment’

      IF NPR at the time was airing a show that bemoaned the archaic paternalism of Texas state law, especially as evidenced by the fact that a husband could legally shoot his wife and her companion, etc., etc.

      So, different terms here, but I think it qualifies as another example of reduction by induction, don’t you think ?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.16   pony girl bang

      it also qualifies as another example of why I probably won’t remarry.

      not that I cheat, mind you, but, still.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.17   infant tyrone bang

      Well, it would be quite a tribute to NPR if you were to just happen to have the event taped by one of those closet-cams and beamed it out exclusive to them before the cops (or your surviving hubby) found the studio set-up.

      ‘Course the obvious drawback is you’d be dead.
      And responsible for getting your companion killed, too.
      And NPR gets government money, so it’s a bit extreme, even for them.

      So unless you manage to develop a terminal condition.
      And find a companion with something similarly near-term fatal.
      Who would also love to put NPR over the top fund-raising-wise.
      Probably best to just deep-six the whole idea.

      Although you know that in Texas finding an insecure, jealousy-prone asshole with homicidal potential wouldn’t take very long, so if you do reconsider at some (hopefully much) later date, it won’t be hard to find a good trigger-man…although you may have to post on Craigslist’s Dallas and Houston sites if you’re in a time bind.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.18   anglophile bang

      Oh, I just KNEW this note would bring out the Texas-haters!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.19   Mo® bang

      Tweedledee & tweedledum.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 8:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.20   infant tyrone bang

      At least I didn’t try to segue over to…..Utah….

      With 10 years personal time in TX and still have family imprisoned residing there, I claim ‘dis my own former gang’ latitude.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.21   pony girl

      I don’t hate Texas.
      I love Texas.
      Why else would I move here??

      I do, however, know how to make fun of myself and my adopted state.

      (being from Hawai’i where we think the whole mainland is all the same, we find it hilarious that folks over here even bother to fight amongst themselves about which state sucks. )

      ;)

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.22   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I think perhaps Burke and Hare.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.23   Canthz_B bang

      Woodward and Bernstein?

      Barnes & Noble?

      Cease and desist!!!!

      Dec 9, 2009 at 7:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Nelly

    Hey, I want an escape goat too!!!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   pony girl

      Escape goats are fun, and easy to keep hidden for a prompt getaway. Alas, they are not very fast. It’s usually faster to just pick it up and run instead of ride it.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:20 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   stuffin

      Escape goats are only to be used in case of emergency.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:48 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   pony girl bang

      Escape goats are only to be used by properly-trained individuals.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:53 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Geek Goddess

      In case of emergency, break dance glass and remove goat.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   pony girl bang

      *no goats were harmed in this thread*

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   infant tyrone bang

      We had an escape-goat training in the break room Friday afternoon.
      They brought in an actual goat, and during the PowerPoint presentation it chewed up the flippers and the ball-launcher something fierce.

      So, the take-away from this session is if you’re going to use an escape goat on a paved road, make sure it’s one of those sections where a group has volunteered to keep it free of litter. Otherwise your speedball getaway is likely to crash as your goat stops for snacks like beer and soda cans.

      An’ check it vato, the dude forgot to take the goat with him after the show, so we took the goat out to Chuy’s place an’ had cabrito all weekend.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   kureshii bang

      Everybody stand back! I am a certified escape-goat user!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:23 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   infant tyrone bang

      Is that like the idea of a martial arts black belt holder supposedly needing to warn potential opponents of their ominous lethality ?

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   pony girl bang

      it:

      you and CB need to stay away from my escape goat.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Canthz_B bang

      I’ll be gentle…and I have loads of newspaper around!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   infant tyrone bang

      But it looks like such a fun escape goat….

      How can we be but like wonder-stricken children in desperate need of a Nanny to rein us in ?

      Like Jessica Rabbit, we’re not bah-bad boys…we’re just drawn that way.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   Palomon bang

      My facial hair is not to blame. Stop pointing fingers. It’s not an escape goatee.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:44 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   Canthz_B bang

      Palomon, just going for the Maynard G. Krebs look shouldn’t make you a target.
      I’ll not make you the butt of a joke.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   kureshii bang

      @2.8 (tyrone):
      Is that like the idea of a martial arts black belt holder supposedly needing to warn potential opponents of their ominous lethality ?

      It’s like the idea of a random person saying “Stand back, I know CPR!” in order to assert exclusive rights to apply CPR to target.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.15   infant tyrone bang

      OK, makes sense your way too…maybe more sense.

      I got certified for CPR some years ago, but now that you’re here I can pretty much forget the exhaustive and rigorous escape goat class + exam.

      With that segue….trust me…your mouse is your friend…my treat…

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofUZNynYXzM

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.16   Mo® bang

      Deploy the escape goat™ only in the case of an emergency. In the case of a water landing escape goat™ will not function as a flotation device.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:24 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.17   bowloftoast bang

      I still prefer it over the ‘escape goatse’ which is usually just a bloody mess.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.18   park rose bang

      CB @ 2.13, that’s just escape goateeist (I finally got to use it, kind of!).

      bowloftoast, I’m glad you didn’t link.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 10:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   joann

    OMG! Escape Goat!!! LMFAO!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   infant tyrone bang

      We useta dream of havin’ an escape goat….Luxury!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Critical Grass bang

      You’re a very silly man and I’m not gonna interview you.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   infant tyrone bang

      But Mrs. Mangrove says I have to get on television, or else…

      Dec 8, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Shannon

    “Escape Goat” made me bust a gut. That has to be the best misused phrase I’ve ever seen.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   KoS

      It’s second only to a former boss of mine who once had in an email about something being a “crab shoot”.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Mo® bang

      Ah I have fond memories of going down to the shore in my cousins bitchin’ camaro and shooting crabs with our .22 crabbing rifles…

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:26 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Geek Goddess

      But shooting crabs could be really painful, being in such a sensitive area and all.

      *notices mention of shore*

      Oh, those crabs.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:33 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Mo® bang

      You shoot them off the hobos if you’re a really good shot…or if you are fast with a shovel.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   leftfoot

    Canadians are such assholes.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Beanster

      we don’t like you either, but we’ll never tell you.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   infant tyrone bang

      editing experiment in progress

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Maas

      First off, he can’t be too bad, he was talking to that lady’s poodle. And first off, they don’t have drug deals in front of buildings in the morning. First off again, just because he’s 37 and has lots of tattoos, doesn’t mean he’s finished grammar school. So long story short, first off, there’s no need to be afraid.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Escape Goat

    P.S. I love trading binoculars (wink wink) … you can put your weed in there.

    P.P.S. I hate commas.

    –The Escape Goat

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:35 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Sonja

    escape goat!!!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   jinx

    While I believe he’s not a drug dealer, the random capitolization seems to show he is on drugs.

    Team poodle owner, because poodles are awesome. (I also think he’s a druggie, because he couldn’t id the lady besides saying she had a tan poodle?! Seems like a scene outta Pineapple Express. Good cop: What did she look like? Dale: She had a poodle. A tan one!)

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   gaby

      capitalization*

      while you are not a drug dealer, your misspelling leads me to think you are on drugs.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 7:49 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   jinx

      I like how you know how to spell capitalization, but don’t know how to use it.

      Your comment reminds me of when Mark from Roseanne almost wins scrabble with oxygen, but doesn’t know what it is. LOL

      Dec 7, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   The Cass

      I would like to point out that lack of capitalization could very easily be a stylistic choice. In this case especially it is kind of a throw back to old-school PAN.

      Or maybe the escape goat ate all available capital w’s. I hear they are voracious eaters.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Canthz_B bang

      Random Capitolization: The process by which governing bodies designate which buildings they will meet in next using a lottery.

      Look it up. Bon chance! :-)

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   anglophile bang

      Oh please let it be Utica this time!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Canthz_B bang

      DAMN! There goes the secret clique password!

      Now they’ll all want to attend Snowfari!!!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   infant tyrone bang

      Hi,jinx…

      Pursuant to your “I like how you know how to spell capitalization, but don’t know how to use it.” @ 8.2.

      Clearly ‘gaby’ @8.1 does know how to use it…it was used to edify you regarding the correct (standard) spelling.

      The capitalization looks as though it’s used in places where if he were speaking the capitalized words he would raise his voice for emphasis.
      Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff…kind of like italics for lazy people.

      I agree, poodles are awesome. So awesome that if someone had an exceptionally fine poodle with them on an elevator, you wouldn’t have to be a doper to pay more attention to the dog than you paid to the human alongside them. Jay did manage to notice the human’s gender at least.

      Remember, if you feel you’re too young, wimpy, or scared to safely go out and obtain drugs ‘on the street’, there’s often a treasure trove of useful items in the average home’s bathroom.

      Just remember to study up before using anything, be honest with yourself about whether you’re really functioning adequately for whatever environment you’re in, and most important, remember the first rule of psychedelic real estate, “Titration, titration, titration”

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   park rose bang

      and use punctuation in (some) abbreviations, damn it!
      id? he couldn’t id the woman standing next to him because his super ego reined him in.

      sharp response, though, high jinx. i liked it.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   BlackMarketBeagle

      Oh for God’s sake, not Utica!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Mo® bang

      Seriously not Utica! What a shithole! Crappy Genesse piss-water beer and filthy ugly buildings with people that match.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   anglophile bang

      Maybe we can bribe the people running the lottery and get DeKalb instead.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   infant tyrone bang

      *he couldn’t id the woman standing next to him because his super ego reined him in

      Chay vants to alvays do the Reich thing.
      He gets such an orgone energy boost
      when his id’s in bondage to his super-ego.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Loser

    When the tan poodle pees, does he get the Curse of Tan Fur? That is, no matter how he shakes and rants, do the last two drops go in the–well, I’m sure he doesn’t wear PANTS, but what I’m getting at is, does he get a great dark stain on his crotch, after he relieves himself?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl

      Wow.
      That’s what you thought of? That is what you came up with after reading the note and all the posts?

      i like you

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Loser

      That, and the fact that I live 5-10 minutes from these people, depending on where on Hornby Street the Hornby side is.

      And that Hornby Street sounds remarkably like Horny Street.

      And that I used to know a guy whose last name was Hornig, and I used to call him Mr. Horny.

      I’m the escapist goat.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   pony girl bang

      I knew I liked you.

      I am the escapist pony.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Geek Goddess

      So, Loser, can I place an order with you, and do you deliver? Don’t worry, I’m not in the DTES area, in case you are worried about safety. And if you’re still worried, pg might lend you her escape goat for the drop off.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   infant tyrone bang

      No matter how you shake and dance…

      Loser,
      If you take a look at what some of the ponies are wearing in this neighborhood (#22.4 on the ‘pinball’ note), and you’ll probably
      agree that that poodle very well might be wearing trousers
      (and might be wearing them very well).

      As to the great dark stain on the crotch question, unless the dog turned on the faucet due to experiencing something so exciting that it was rolling around on its back, well, ‘probably not’ would be my guess.

      However, if the poodle were togged out in a tennis outfit with white shorts or a lawn bowling ensemble with white trousers or a golfing outfit with white plus-fours ala Paine Stewart, well, I think you can read the answer in the writing on the yellow snow here. (Apologies to Simon + Zappa)

      P.S. Any idea what GG is asking about ? Do you ship overseas ?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   park rose bang

      I rather like the idea of the escape goatist.
      A bit like the space cowboy, again.
      Why? I don’t know.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Tim Kolb

    Tattooed Dude,

    A word of advice. Keep your weed away from the escaped goat!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Phroot bang

    I’m guessing he typed this up in MS Word and it changed “scape” to “escape” without asking. It does that all the time.

    Either that or he’s the one buying the drugs. However, I completely believe that he’s not a drug dealer.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Escape Goat

      How often are you using “scape” in your Word Docs? Haha

      Dec 7, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   word girl

      I doubt the “escape goat” is an MS Word issue judging by the copious amount of grammar and spelling errors plaguing his note.

      How many “first offs” are in this note? Haha.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Geek Goddess

      First! Again!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Canthz_B bang

      If scape are anything like snipe they probably make for good hunting.
      They’re easier to bag than the elusive escape goat.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   pony girl bang

      please don’t bang my escape goat.

      oh, sorry. nevermind.
      carry on.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Canthz_B bang

      Escape sheep are still fair game.
      Fair domesticated animals at least! LOL

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   pony girl bang

      Hmm, being a pony, not sure if I should be scared or excited..

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   Canthz_B bang

      I’ve wanted a pony ever since I was a little boy…be afraid, be very afraid!
      I don’t need riding lessons!! :twisted:

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   park rose bang

      First off! Would have been a brilliant first comment. It might have even qualified for Adam’s sought after irony. If not, I deem that it’s funny. Where is Adam nowadays, by the way?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.10   infant tyrone bang

      Hey, A-A-A-ADAM…where’r'y’at ???

      On the ‘First off’ front…this is just a hypothesis…not even nearly a theory,
      but what if Jay’s ex-girlfriend is the one fanning the flames of rumo(u)r?

      Which ‘ex’ you axe me? Well, the one who used to put up with (and out for sure, and probably off on occasion) sex with our man Jay, who in just this laid back note treats us to three “first off’s”, before pulling out and rolling off and over with a perfunctory “long story short”. Did the phrase “Nice guys finish last” get tossed overboard in Lake Huron one night when a Canadian customs ship pulled up alongside a Yankee smuggler?

      Elevator lady may be the only one who doesn’t have a dog in this fight…

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   jinx

    I have to wonder if the tan poodle was trained to find drugers. Maybe that’s why the owner said that…

    Dec 7, 2009 at 7:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   anglophile bang

      It’d be even better if it was trained to fight Duggars. TLC might want to look into that concept.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Mo® bang

      Please please please let this dog be a trained uterus destroying missile!

      Team No more clown car vaginas!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:37 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Critical Grass bang

    I wanna hug the tattooed guy. Am I the only one?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   pony girl

      CG,
      Nope, you’re not the only one.

      Road trip to Canada to hug the non-drug dealing, spelling-challenged, random-capitalization using, but possibly drug-using tattooed guy!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:25 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Critical Grass bang

      Yey! Roadtrip! Shotgun!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   infant tyrone bang

      Hey, y’all check to see if he’s got a pony up there.
      If so, it probably knows lots of Ian Tyson songs.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Geek Goddess

      If you need to out-source the pony, I can get one for you called ‘Little Baby Damien’. Don’t think he knows much Ian Tyson, but I do know that he isn’t much of a fan of Arlo Guthrie. Probably just too young.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   pony girl bang

      This pony likes Arlo Guthrie.
      and not just because he left some weed behind in my parents’ beach house.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Canthz_B bang

      Great. Now I have a Woody.
      Thanks ladies. :???:

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   pony girl bang

      anytime

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   infant tyrone bang

      I’ve got a ’30 Ford wagon and …
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSS5xujeRaY

      And we have a boat, so there’s…
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBbJufztxeg&fmt=18

      And on the boat we have some ponies…
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHjKyd9ITJs

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Mel K

      If I promise special brownies will pony girl enlist Pegaus to pick me up in Australia?

      Mum never lets me have any fun.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   pony girl bang

      Sure!
      Give the special brownies to Peg; that’s how he flies.
      (Red Bull’s not the only thing that gives one wings.)

      Dec 8, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   Critical Grass bang

      GG gave me some herbs in trade of a cow, and I made some tea. I felt funny after drinking it. Maybe I should try those special brownies too…
      Maybe we should have a tea party, what do y’all think?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   infant tyrone bang

      GG,
      Here’s a coupla versions of a song for Little Baby Damien…
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU7OFJ9v67Y&feature=fvw
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2xuT9zlnR4&feature=related

      Last thing we need is a ultra-spirited pony out on deck getting into the brownie storage area, so I think if the brownies are on then Damien’s off.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.13   Critical Grass bang

      Ty, by GG you meant CG?
      Should I change my name, is it getting too confusin’ for ya?

      Damien, el poni del diablo?
      Que dices acerca de esto, Poni Chica?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.14   infant tyrone bang

      Hola, CG…
      Que alto eres, amiga?
      I’m not confused. Maybe wrong, maybe deranged, but not confused.
      The tunes went to GG, since she mentioned Little Baby Damien @13.4.
      Pretty sure that was the kid’s name in The Omen (El Presagio).
      Of course, you + PG are welcome to read + comment back +/or pivot.

      P.S. Before you eat those brownies, be sure you have some other sweet foods handy…and please save me a cup of tea and one or two brownies.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.15   Critical Grass bang

      Aw… Sorry… I should stop drinking that tea…
      And no more brownies for me. I don’t wanna end up like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t9jXvb6hnk

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.16   Geek Goddess

      Yes, ty, those links capture, if I may use that term, the essence of Little Baby Damien. I agree that the safety and well-being of the brownies comes before LBD’s need to expand his horizons. After all, he is young yet and will have plenty more opportunities.

      And CG, I think that for some of us it may already be too late, but the warning is appreciated.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   milena

    I think he does deal, he just doesn’t do it in front of his building. He delivers, out of consideration to his neighbors… (or his Canadian neighbours).

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   PeaceLoveFood

    With all those first offs, I sense a second missive in the works.

    Watch for the next exciting rendition of The Tattooed Escape Goat in an elevator near you! It will include the second thing Jay resents about the lady with the tan poodle, the real story about the Hornby door, and a big surprise from the 7th floor!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Nick Noehm bang

    “have alot of tattoo’s” … ?

    Finish your sentence, Jay … you have a lot of his what?

    Where exactly were you, Jay, on the night that Hervé “committed suicide”?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:12 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   JetJackson

    I think his first mistake was talking to the poodle.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Palomon bang

      The Poodle told him to write the note.

      And BURN THEM ALL!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Mo® bang

      Well that grinning cat was freaking him the hell out man!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 7:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Larry Lard

    As well as the delightful ‘escape goat’ already much commented, we also have ’7 in the morn’, which is the kind of phrasing that deserves a much greater currency than it currently enjoys.

    This guy isn’t even slightly aggressive! Why is he on PAN?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   pony girl

      Because he wrote a douche-y missive, and we love us some douche-canoes here on PAN.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Palomon bang

      The Poodle is named “Snoop.”

      The Goats ‘r in the livin’ room
      Gettin’ it on/
      They ain’t ‘scapin’ till
      six in the morn’

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   kureshii bang

      This guy isn’t even slightly aggressive! Why is he on PAN?

      It could very well be the start of PAN correspondence, and we know how that always ends up ;)

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   marpolejoel

      Us Canadians love our canoes…douche or not…

      somebody who knows how to make love in a canoe without tipping… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-lMOxuciYQ

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   clumber

      The aggressive is in ALL THE GDAMNNED CAPITAL LETTERS in lieu of punctuation.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 10:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   pony girl

    He was talking to a poodle.
    Big surprise that people think he’s a bit scary.

    To the lady with the tan poodle I was talking to in the elevator…

    ———Sorry JJ!! I suck at PAN!!—–

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   JetJackson

      Are you stalking me PG? In the unfortunate words of Van Wilder “That would be cool.”

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   pony girl

      I only stalk when I have my escape goat ready for a (not very)fast getaway.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Critical Grass bang

      Oy, enough with the poodles already!

      Poodles, goats, ponies… There’s a lot going on here.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Geek Goddess

      And all of them, all of the time, about escapism.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   infant tyrone bang

      Has anyone checked Jay’s shelves for “Doctor Dolittle” books ?
      Tattooed + 37, he could be some kind of vet. Or other.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   park rose bang

      Sure, there really is an escape goat (otherwise known as a Push-me, Pull-me, or any relationship I’ve ever been in ;) ). And yes, he did talk to the lady’s tan poodle. Hessia and Larry Lard are right! There’s nothing funny about this note! It’s factual. It’s we who cannot see the truth! What’s it doing on PAN? I wanna talk to the manager.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   crumplet bang

    Damn right, if Jay was not a jerk I SURE AS HELL think he would not give a poodle about one random lady in the building spreading rumours about him.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   tinkerbell2

      wait.. you think he’s a jerk for being angry that the whole building thinks he’s a drug dealer?

      I think there is a jerk *somewhere* around here. Or a jerklet, at least.

      Team note-writer.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    I’ll have to read this one again later, as I seem to have dropped through a time warp on the first try.

    How many “first off”s are we allowed again?

    I’ll have to read this one again later, as I seem to have dropped through a time warp on the first try.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   lightspeedchick

    “So long story short”

    … too late.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Palomon bang

      So long, story short.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   park rose bang

      So long, Story Short. That chapter of our lives is over and done with.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Mo® bang

      Goodbye Mr. Chips.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   infant tyrone bang

      Pulled that Ace from waaay up your sleeve!
      Well played, Ditchy!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Simonty

    Is Jay trying to imply that being in your late thirties with tattoos makes you more suss than say a person in their 20s with tattoos?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   pony girl bang

      That didn’t make sense to me either.

      I think maybe Jay got picked last during PE or something. He seems to have a few issues.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 8:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      jeez, does he have to spell it out for you?? 3+7=9, flip the 9 upside down and stutter it–what do you get??!?

      Dec 7, 2009 at 9:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   pony girl bang

      i’m confused

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Canthz_B bang

      The new new math is always confusing.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   infant tyrone bang

      Hey PG,

      Here’s what I can make of fac’s comment. It sounds a little like Kabbalistic numerology or gematria, but it winds up in a strange place.

      Here goes….

      Jay up North is 37.
      3 + 7 = 9 (maybe it’s a different base?…maybe just go with the flow here)
      flip the 9 into a
      6 and stutter t-t-to make it
      666
      AKA the number of the beast, the Devil,
      often pictured as having cloven hooves,
      like a goat has !!
      (but not like a poodle, which is the strange dead-end here)

      Unless the elevator lady was Mia Farrow or Lee Remick…in which case what looked like a poodle was probably Satan in sheep-dog’s clothing.

      Relax, this won’t be on the final…

      P.S. Although your PE hypothesis seems a little bit of a left-fieldish long shot dark horse, it is way, way more elegant, even w/o the pink socks.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   pony girl bang

      Hmmm.

      Well, I sort of resent the fact that people are pointing fingers at my escape goat and implying that it is evil. just because he’s 3 years old and has cloven hooves.

      It’s really not fair, seeing as he always gives a friendly head-butt greeting to everyone he meets, and he’s always getting up early in the morning to chase off the loose dogs that poop in our front yards.

      So, long story short.
      No need to be afraid of my escape goat. He doesn’t even know who Mia and Lee are, let alone cavort with satan worshipers.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Canthz_B bang

      If only Orson Welles had uttered “Rosemary” film could have taken a far different turn.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.8   park rose bang

      A left field comment is a fitting way to counter an OUT RIGHT note.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   se

    I am wondering which finger the people in his building are pointing at him

    Dec 7, 2009 at 8:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   anglophile bang

      Welcome back, se. It’s been a while.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   RigaToni

    The Canadian version of Air Force One totally has an “escape goat”.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Palomon bang

    I make a living forming mutton into sculpture while straitjacketed.

    I’m an escape goat artisit.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    Never write a PA note shortly after watching a Beverly Hillbillies marathon.

    Ellie Mae’s escape goat is always getting Granny’s goat and it’s hard to get off your mind!

    Dec 7, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   marpolejoel

      ow…CB, you just blew mine away…

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Canthz_B bang

      Well, at least I left your mind intact.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   marpolejoel

      Sadly, yes…& I will forthwith look for rectangular pupils in all the old folks I meet at the grocery…zzz

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Canthz_B bang

      AARRGGHH!! MY EYES, MY EYES!!!!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 8:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Team Jay–elevator lady’s probably the drug dealer, hiding stash in those poofy hair balls poodle owners insist on sculpting on their poor dogs.

    Dec 7, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   bcteagirl

      Yes, I would be more suspicious of the lady with a poodle. Especially a *tan* poodle.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 10:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Geek Goddess

    Poodle
    Minimum Wage
    Parental Controls
    Suggestion Box
    Mass Email
    Trampoline
    Call Center
    Genital Warts
    Goddess

    What do these have in common?
    No, no, besides that!

    They are the list of Snap Linkads just above the responses, when I opened this page just now.

    Are y’all following me or something?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 11:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   pony girl bang

      I never get those pop ups.
      I think that the powers that be know I am broke, so why bother.
      Scary how they know so much about us.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Canthz_B bang

      I would advise you to install the free AdblockPlus add-on, but I was told recently that trying to help others is rude. :-|

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   pony girl bang

      The nerve, CB!

      ;)

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Palomon bang

    Poodle, Minimum Wage, Parental Controls, Suggestion Box, Mass Email, Trampoline, Call Center, Genital Warts, Goddess, Lenny Bruce is not afraid…

    Dec 7, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   pony girl bang

      Oh, now that song is in my head!

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   park rose bang

      That’s great it starts with an earthquake… or the third reply…or spambots…or parodies on spambots.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   AuntyBron

    Canada has drug dealers?

    Dec 7, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   pony girl bang

      Otherwise known as American tourists.

      Dec 7, 2009 at 11:54 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Canthz_B bang

      I think they prefer the term “pharmaceuticals brokers”.
      They’re so polite up there, gotta love’em.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   k8

      Only because it’s all legal in Canada.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   pony girl bang

      That explains why they’re all so dang nice; they’re all stoned.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:49 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   Canthz_B bang

      Also explains the smoke emanating from the tops of their igloos.

      Yeah, I know, I know…but it’s just a joke. ;-)

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   marpolejoel

      I’ll have you know that my igloo is smokeless…however, my terrace is smoking hot with yummy bbq’d free range escaped goat kebabs…

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   infant tyrone bang

      Bakri tikka, rogni nan, and mango lahsee to wash it all down with…I’m in.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   park rose bang

    Those damn lying tan poodles! Sorry if someone’s posted it already. I’ve got to hit and run.

    Yep, I see that JJ beat me to it way on up. No surprise, really. And then PG – but I brought the lying into it.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 1:02 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Hessia

    I would have responded with TLDR: Too Long Didn’t Read.

    But seriously, how is it passive aggressive? I would write a similar note like this if people in my building accused me of being a drug dealer too. That’s far more passive aggressive than the note.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 1:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   park rose bang

      It’s not passive aggressive, okay, Hessia? And I like the note writer.
      Can we get on with the mockery now?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   forum Brera

    How much money would I need to save for a holiday in the Caribbean?

    Dec 8, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   pony girl bang

      Que?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 3:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   infant tyrone bang

      $10,000,000 is the current rate as I recall.
      But if you don’t bring weapons and you pay in cash, we’re flexible.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 4:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   MSD

    FIRST OFF you’re not going to clear the air with an escape goat.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 2:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Geek Goddess

      You would be better off with the Febreze Goat™ for clearing the air.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Mo® bang

      Oh my yes those Stic-ups Pygmy Goats™ are just right for the carpool car.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   park rose bang

    If Jay is being labeled with the former tenants from the seventh floor, I’d be very, very, wary if I were him. That lady with the tan poodle and the rest of the apartment block know how to take care of trouble makers. It’s a sticker business.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 3:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Gavin

    That escape goat was fucking delicious?

    Dec 8, 2009 at 4:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   tinkerbell2

      No, Gavin. It really wasn’t. Since you ask.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:52 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Hmmm

      It was even more delicious than the beaver I ate when I was in Canada, and THAT beaver was fucking delicious.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 10:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Chris

    Actually, the word “scapegoat” is a bastardization of “escape goat”

    From wikipedia: “The word “Scapegoat” is a mistranslation of the word Azazel (In Hebrew: עזאזל) originated by William Tyndale in his 1530 Bible, and appropriated in the King James Version of the Bible (Leviticus chapter 16) in 1611. Confounded by the word, Tyndale had interpreted Azazel as ez ozel – literally, “the goat that departs”; hence “(e)scape goat.”

    Dec 8, 2009 at 7:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   park rose bang

      Oh. I always thought that the goat was sacrificed to pay for the accumulated sins of man and such, hence it was called a scapegoat. The goat ended up paying for things it didn’t commit. That’s just what I thought. Therefore it was the virgin who escaped (being sacrificed, I guess, cos’ it’s always the virgin’s fault, or the son of Abraham’s fault). But really, my biblical knowledge is sketchy, in all senses of the phrase.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 9:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Nick Noehm bang

      YAY!!! Bible stories!

      Anyone know the one about the strumpet who brought down a wrestler with some mouth action? Jericho Walls, I think his name was.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   Mo® bang

      I love fairytales!

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   infant tyrone bang

      Some say the ‘strumpet’, Rahab, was a food saleswoman…
      Mebbe an OT version of Lady Gaga’s bluffin’ with her muffin ?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   mel

    Hmm… one should find out what/where this goat is escaping from. Perhaps a life of drug-influenced metal munching? Fetished tan poodle head butting? Choose friends carefully. They can bring you down.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 8:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Geek Goddess

    Early morn door check
    Problems on the Hornby side
    Cops come by; busted!

    Dec 8, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Mo® bang

      Yea cool Goddess-io!

      *snap snap snap*

      Dec 8, 2009 at 2:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Ach my high horse

    The scape (or possibly escape) goat was not the one that was sacrificed but the one that was left to wander off into the wilderness because there would be two Goats one to sacrifice and one to send off….

    but honestly I know It was probably a waste of time reading that. Jewish religious ceremony’s of that period were just plain weird “wave offering” burnt offering, sin offering, guilt offering, offering for sins that you don’t know you have committed and of course the bit of Leviticus that is never remembered its ok to sell your daughter into slavery for twenty bits of silver if your broke….. The thing is If you wanted to really find weird stuff in the bible things written as laws for the tribe of Levi Is a very good place to start….

    I’M really sorry if you read all that I should learn that really doesn’t matter all that much

    Dec 8, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Nick Noehm bang

      I see how it’s going to work out: Jay’s going to be forced to move out of that building, and some other inky punk is going to be eviscerated.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 1:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   park rose bang

      Thanks, high horse. I like to learn. Especially if I’m too lazy to do my own research (*however, it is a good idea to do your own research if you are reading a Rupert Murdoch paper*). I know bible stories are convoluted. Probably why I haven’t done my own research.

      Dec 8, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   Canthz_B bang

      So, what’s the origin of the term “Fuck up a wet dream”?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 11:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Agent Cooper

    Escape goat, made my day…made my life!

    Dec 8, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   missballah3rg

    Watch out everyone there is an ‘escape goat’ on the loose….!! Everyone please remain indoors until the goat can be apprehended. Thank you for your cooperation.

    Management.

    Dec 8, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   pony girl bang

      please put any goat messes in the trash, not in the toilet.
      the pipes can’t handle goat crap.

      THX
      Sandra

      Dec 8, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   infant tyrone bang

      If Poseidon’s trident misses you, then Pan is gonna get you with his…
      Look, just do what the pony sez and nobody’ll get hurt here, OK?

      Dec 8, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   bcteagirl

    My firefox tab keeps shortening this title to ‘escape poo’….

    Dec 8, 2009 at 11:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Ach my high horse

    PAN pipes?

    Scary thought and darn right disturbing image….

    Dec 9, 2009 at 5:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   Renagade676

    As messed up as the note is, I feel the guy’s pain.

    I have tattoos, multiple piercings, and like to dye my hair different colors from the norm.

    So naturally an ex neighbor was telling people that I was doing drugs one day, and telling people I was sleeping around the next. Which was funny, because I rarely had visitors more than once a month.

    Suffice to say, I was glad to move away.

    Dec 9, 2009 at 6:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   MOMMYDEAREST

    I want to marry Jay now. The rest of you have broken my heart by not showing up to our mass wedding.

    Dec 9, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   YO-dysseus

    “IT is not fair by any means”

    Someone send the IT dept. up there already..

    Sheesh.

    Dec 9, 2009 at 3:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Beth

    First off, does anybody find it strange that someone would type out an entire message like this using mostly full words but consistently feel the need to abbreviate “morning”?

    First off, “escape goat”? Amazing.

    First off, it is approximately as appropriate to use the term ‘first off’ several times in one message as it is to say ‘long story short’ in the seventh paragraph of such message.

    Dec 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   Get Out

      Leave, Beth.

      Dec 9, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   Frodux

    Why was he talking to the poodle in the elevator?

    Dec 10, 2009 at 2:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Ryan

    I don’t know… this letter seems fairly aggressive (as in, dealing with the rumors) and not so much passive. I don’t think it qualifies for this website.

    Dec 10, 2009 at 3:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Get Out

      You too Ryan, Fuck.

      Dec 10, 2009 at 4:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   JuneBug

    I guess, he really should have thought harder before getting his “Got Drugs?” tattoo.

    Dec 13, 2009 at 9:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   vancouver drug dealer

    This note is obviously from downtown Vancouver (he refers to Hornby St, near where I live). I have only this to say: Where ISN’T there drug dealing in downtown Vancouver? Hell, it should be an Olympic sport, we’d clean up.

    Dec 16, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   mtc

    Who needs a helicopter or fast motorbike when you could get away in style on an escape goat?

    Dec 22, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed