ll MALES using this toilet must sit. Standing is not an option.

#1 Biggie_Robs

I guess they’re tired of cleaning up the sprinkle that naturally occurs when males tinkle.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#1.1 jetjackson

That rhyme sends shivers down my spine… every time.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:43 pm rating: 90
#1.2 Tim Kolb

Could be a little penis envy too.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:53 pm rating: 90
#1.3 Canthz_B

Who the hell envies a little penis?

The girl who’s not getting any!!

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:04 pm rating: 90
#1.4 crumplet

is there a difference between “little” and “none”?

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 90
#1.5 Canthz_B

Yes, “little” is a small amount, “none” is nun.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:19 pm rating: 90
#1.6 Tim Kolb

We could use some more info on who wrote the note.

Was it the female housekeeper cleaning the bathroom or was it a employee making the mistake of not checking the public toilet seat for spattered piss before taking a number 2.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:45 pm rating: 90
#1.7 kdaniel

I bet THX SANDRA wrote the first note. Some toilets just can’t handle “big jobs.”

As for the second, they say nothing about women standing up. Power up the hovercraft, ladies, no sitting for you!

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:26 am rating: 90
#1.8 Car RamRod

I’m racking my brain trying to remember what movie this was in. Where some giant motherfucker is intimidating some little guy, and adds at the end of his tirade, “And don’t let me catch you standing up in there, from now on you sit down when you take a piss!” or something to that effect. I remember it was a hysterical scene, but I can’t for the life of me remember where it’s from. The perils of watching comedies while stoned I suppose. Does it ring a bell, anyone?

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:07 am rating: 90
#1.9 bowloftoast

Gone With The Wind?

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:23 am rating: 90
#1.10 Nick Noehm

A Mighty Wind?

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:29 am rating: 90
#1.11 HappyNat

Your own childhood?

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:01 am rating: 90
#1.12 Critical Grass

Google is your friend. Go fishing.

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:01 am rating: 90
#1.13 park rose

Jet, hope you haven’t been contemplating suicide.

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:47 am rating: 90
#1.14 beth

You might be thinking of Chappelle, Mad Real World. Tyree says something like that to Christian Finnegan at the beginning of the sketch — http://www.metatube.com/en/videos/8253/Dave-Chapelle-Mad-Real-World/

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:51 am rating: 90
#1.15 Car RamRod

Ahh Beth, thank you, that’s what it was.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:22 pm rating: 90
#1.16 Maas

I wonder how they enforce the no standing rule…

Dec 14, 2009 at 6:41 pm rating: 90

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#2 Phoenixx

If I were a dude. . . . .I’d pee on the damn sign!

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#2.1 Canthz_B

If I were a sign…..I’d pee on the damn dude.

And I’d have the better shot!

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:53 pm rating: 90
#2.2 Critical Grass

If I were a dude… eeeew… no, can’t do this.

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:04 am rating: 90
#2.3 infant tyrone

Si, chica, discrecion es la mejor parte de valor.
Elija sus batallas bien.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:08 pm rating: 90
#2.4 Critical Grass

Gracias, chico.
Si, una mujer debe saber escoger cuando luchar y cuando cambiar de género.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:19 pm rating: 90
#2.5 infant tyrone

genero es similar a sujecto?
gracias para la assistencia, professora

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:30 pm rating: 90
#2.6 Critical Grass

Usé género referiendome al sexo de las personas, como en gender.
Suje(c)to refierese a las personas, como indivíduos, correcto?

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:49 pm rating: 90
#2.7 infant tyrone

Yo estaba usando sujecto como historia o matematicas o biologia o otros tipos de cosas que estudiamos en la escuela.

*Si, una mujer debe saber escoger cuando luchar y “cuando cambiar de género”.

“Cambiar de genero” quiere decir algo como “Esto es un bien tiempo para parar hablando con hombres locos y vuelva a la compañía de mujeres sensibles.” ?

Si le gusta, conteste in ingles.

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:59 pm rating: 90
#2.8 Critical Grass

No, I meant something more like “sex change”, like… When I woman turns into a man and vice-versa.

Yo pensava que se escrivía “sujeto” y no “sujecto”. Doesn’t matter. I’m not “changin sexes” anyway.

Oh, and you’re not crazy. Well… At least not crazier than any of us. Actually, I prefer to think of us more as odd people than crazy people. Right, GG?

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:33 pm rating: 90
#2.9 Geek Goddess

You rang?

Dec 11, 2009 at 11:27 pm rating: 90
#2.10 infant tyrone

CG,
Oh, you were a bit more literal than I thought, as I took it to mean more “changing the scenery” when men (or just one of us) are being jerks.

Team Odd! Yes, folks, we can split complicated things right down the middle and still have one complete thing remaining….a-a-and how many even prime numbers can you name?

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:05 am rating: 90
#2.11 Critical Grass

Oh… Your way is good too. And probably easier, b/c it doesn’t involve any surgical procedure. Yeah…

Team Odd! I could say Team God, but then we’d be caught up in that good and long religious discussion, and… Welll, anawanna…

Hey GG, just checkin in…

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:28 am rating: 90

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#3 crumplet bang

Paint the bowl brown with a red dot at the bottom of the bowl. Problem solved.

I’d be hunting down those Management’s Toilets in Northern Virginia

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#4 jetjackson bang

The first note would be entirely reasonable if it were above the urinals in the male toilet.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:35 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#4.1 infant tyrone

Syntactically faultless, true.

But severely unsettling sociologically.
Per management?

I could speculate on what kinds of workforces in what kinds of workplaces might warrant such signage, but I’d like to get some quality sleep tonight…

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
#4.2 aaa

Big Brother is watching you. And he likes what he sees…

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:22 am rating: 90
#4.3 pony girl

eeeeewwww.
Are there really any guys that are that gross?

eew.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:29 pm rating: 90
#4.4 infant tyrone

PG,
When you say *that gross* were you referring to the voyeurism or the ‘placement’ of an even-numbered substance into an odd-numbered porcelain receptacle? EMWTK (Enquiring Minds etc.)

Mis dos pesos…the former is the sort of oddity that only came about after the routinization of agriculture (and big-city life, such as it was), while the latter is the kind of coal mine canary that warns that we may have been de-evolving more rapidly than we’d like to believe and are on target to revisit pre-agricultural culture sooner than we had hoped.

In the meantime, here’s an apple and some (plain) sugar cubes. Dream.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm rating: 90
#4.5 Critical Grass

Aw, PG… Sweet, innocent, PG…

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm rating: 90
#4.6 infant tyrone

CG,
Let’s hope it’s the latter.
I wouldn’t expect a pony to be perfectly proficient in the protocols of porcelain.
Although a healthy dose of naivete can be quite charming.

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:58 pm rating: 90
#4.7 pony girl

I was referring to the ‘placement.’
Well, actually, they’re both gross, and I hadn’t heard of either.
Here I was thinking that I had learned all sorts of kinky things from my ex.
I guess not.

ps – I have at least learned enough to not Google these sorts of things.

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:01 am rating: 90
#4.8 infant tyrone

I encountered a placement once long ago.
Don’t know anyone who admitted to that kind of peeping, thankfully.
If what you learned ‘seemed’ kinky, then wasn’t it so, by definition?
Any tips on how to just say no to the Google impulse are welcome.
I wouldn’t use them very often, but tools are always nice to have on hand..

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: 90

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#5 Wade bang

“No number 2 only number 1″

This is what happens when you put the sales department in charge of toilet signage.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#5.1 Canthz_B

Or the counter-person from the nearest Chinese take-out.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: 90
#5.2 anglophile

NO PEPSI, COKE!

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:03 pm rating: 90
#5.3 Canthz_B

Can I get a hamburger?

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:09 pm rating: 90
#5.4 AuntyBron

Number 1? Number 2? Was the sign written by a 10-year-old?

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
#5.5 Nick Noehm

You are Number 6.

I am Number 5.5.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:09 am rating: 90
#5.6 pony girl

I am not a number, I am a free pony!!

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: 90
#5.7 Nick Noehm

Hahaha! HAHAHAHAHA!! MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

* 5.7 sends Rover to thwart the escape pony *

Be seeing you, Number 6.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:32 am rating: 90
#5.8 Canthz_B

I would jump in, but I don’t want to become a prisoner of this conversation!

Tried watching the new one, guess I’m snobbish when it comes to remaking classics.

McGoohan out.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:49 am rating: 90
#5.9 infant tyrone

Wait a minute…not Marshall McGoohan…that Marshall McGoohan?

On the British twist we’ve taken…
Don’t their MP’s “stand for elections” “to their seats”?
Is the same idiom used in Canada?
If so, they must stand for one seat but they can’t stand for another.
No wonder they need staff to keep them on the up and up.

All of this , naturally, brought on by memories of Mandy Rice Davies and Emma Peel roused by #7. Look up Mandy on your own, kids.

Here’s Emma/Diana…yes, Virginia, there was S&M before Madonna…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsgcGlBIcZw

P.S. Thigh bone’s connected to the knee bone, the knee bone’s connected to the shin bone…shin bone’s connected…

P.P.S. Seriously now…was #2′s water-skimming balloon a prefiguration of Monty Python’s tennis-playing Blancmange?

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:18 am rating: 90
#5.10 Canthz_B

Interestingly, here in the US, our legislators “run” for their seats (offices), then “run” after campaign contributions for the next election ever after!

Maybe not so very interesting, but it’s still true.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:35 am rating: 90
#5.11 park rose

Wade, Two for the Price of One? Today Only! Get in Early and Avoid the Rush!

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:02 am rating: 90
#5.12 infant tyrone

rose,
Careful about dumping on Rush. Ditto-heads are everywhere.

If Rush >> swoosh >> Nike >> Poseidon, then…?
http://www.theoi.com/Gallery/Z16.3.html

cf website name…not just aoi, not merely anoi, but…

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm rating: 90
#5.13 infant tyrone

CB,

Great point about the runs in US politics. (poo-litics?)
Could it be the source of voters’ general dys-entery-st?

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: 90
#5.14 Flaboy2425

Sometimes I get the runs for no reason at all, infant tyrone.

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:11 pm rating: 90
#5.15 infant tyrone

Everything happens for some reason, however obscure.
Perhaps your runs are a plaintive cry from the heart and soul of U.S. politics, saying “Flaboy2425, you have a bright future in public service!”

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: 90

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#6 Canthz_B bang

They can just consider mine a number three ’cause I pee when I make a boomer!!

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#6.1 Nick Noehm

Good catch, CB! The eternal truths are so obvious once the first person points them out.

In my previous employ, our terminology did not include “making boomers”. Instead, we’d say “I’m going 3M”, or, if we could spare five syllables, we’d say, “I’m going to Make Marketing Managers!”.

Of course, we were only joking! Most Marketing Managers are a credit to their profession; it’s only the 1 or 2% that are rowdy and disrespectful and don’t read PAN that give the others a bad name.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:42 am rating: 90
#6.2 Canthz_B

Nothing special, ya just gotta do the math!

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:59 am rating: 90
#6.3 Flaboy2425

I am at the age where I can multitask. I can cough, sneeze pee and fart and laugh at the same time.

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:16 pm rating: 90
#6.4 Geek Goddess

What sort of physiology allows you to sneeze pee?

Dec 11, 2009 at 11:32 pm rating: 90
#6.5 pony girl

I’m with GG.
You may need to see a doctor about that.
and for goodness sake, please sneeze into your sleeve, or a cup!

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:04 am rating: 90
#6.6 infant tyrone

Methinks my comment about Flaboy2425 going into poo-litics might have been a bit premature.

At best (per “Eats, Shoots and Leaves”), his multitasking list is missing two or more commas. If only one comma, then he may require medical, if not surgical, intervention.

People scoffed at Neil Sedaka’s “Comma, Comma, Doo Doobie Doo Down Down” (I Can’t Stay Mad at You) back in the day (well, my day), but commas can be a life and death thing.

Darn it, Flaboy2425, get medical help, and get a political manager.

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:34 am rating: 90

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#7 Wade bang

“All MALES using this toilet must sit.”

I didn’t realize BDSM coffee emporiums were popular in Canada. Who knew?

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:41 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#7.1 Jonathan

Is that what Canadian kids are calling professional dungeons these days?

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: 90
#7.2 Canthz_B

Yup, Wade. The toilets are fashioned after electric chairs. You kind of hafta strap into one before you crap into one.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 90
#7.3 infant tyrone

So, the sub-dudes get to sit right down while the Dommes
are required to hover imperiously but not alight.

Whoever said being the boss is easy work must not have ever had
this Plumbing Punishment Pilates role reversal on their radar.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:32 pm rating: 90

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#8 Canthz_B bang

Female squatters seem to have a very powerful lobby.
They’ve been exempted from sign “number two”.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:43 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#8.1 crumplet

Maybe feminists run Canada?

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:59 pm rating: 90

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#9 UnclGhost

Did they forget an H in the second sign?

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#9.1 Jonathan

Depends on how high the octane level in their Irish creme.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: 90
#9.2 Canthz_B

I don’t know if I could handle that kind of pressure if they forgot the ‘H’ I’m thinking of.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:49 pm rating: 90
#9.3 UnclGhost

Especially if the signs are meant to be used in conjunction with each other. It would be like crossing the streams…

Ok, I’m done.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: 90
#9.4 Nick Noehm

UG, we’d like to get a sample of your brain tissue.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: 90
#9.5 Canthz_B

We’ll give you plenty of acetylsalicylic acid, UG. You’ll feel no pain.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:46 am rating: 90
#9.6 Nick Noehm

Maybe just a little pinch when the saw cuts through your skull.

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:01 am rating: 90
#9.7 MAMARILLA2

All I got is acetylsalicylic acid, generic… See, I can get six hundred tablets of that for the same price as three hundred of a name brand. That makes good financial sense, good advice…

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:06 am rating: 90
#9.8 pony girl

Nobody’s dancing. You promised there’d be dancing.

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:07 am rating: 90
#9.9 Geek Goddess

Here you go, pg.
Dancing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97wCdra0DIk&feature=player_embedded

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:28 am rating: 90
#9.10 infant tyrone

You guys (non gendered term) are da best! (guys=CG, GG, PG)
I don’t get links alla time from her, but tonight over her (Mrs. T’s) shoulder I watched 10-20 seconds of a 75 year old woman who apparently won some Latin American dancing championship (some sort of So You Think You Can Dance With the Stars thing here) and no bogus age stuff.
So, as Neil sez, “Keep on Rockin’ in the Free World” (such as it is…)

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:44 am rating: 90

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#10 alison

i wonder what happens if you uhh can’t help doing a number 2 … does the toilet have an alarm or something that warns you? or tells management??

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:48 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#10.1 Wade

If the plumbing is sketchy, my guess is water overflowing under the door post-flush would be the first clue.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 90
#10.2 AuntyBron

Potty-cams for the money shot. Pervs do it all the time.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 90
#10.3 Tim Kolb

Have you noticed that frequency of these type of problems spiked once they started calling these contraptions eco-friendly.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:07 am rating: 90
#10.4 Canthz_B

That’s what that is?
I thought they were saying fecal friendly and thought to myself, “Well, what else would they be?”

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:22 am rating: 90
#10.5 park rose

The toilet police start singing, “a doo doo doo, a da da da,” of course. That’s the Sting in the tail.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:29 am rating: 90
#10.6 MAMARILLA2

Don’t stand so close to me..

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:08 am rating: 90
#10.7 park rose

Every movement you make, rilla, I’ll be watching you…

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:03 am rating: 90
#10.8 MAMARILLA2

Sometimes it’s not so easy, to be the teacher’s pet.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm rating: 90
#10.9 infant tyrone

If ‘King of Pain’ was their dovetailed homage to Screamin’ Jay’s ‘Constipation blues’, then ‘Driven to Tears’ may have been a flush-fit for
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbL9vr4Q2LU

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:54 pm rating: 90

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#11 Fridge Pirate

mmm… Anybody notice that the first two bites of a doughnut are the best.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:50 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#12 crumplet bang

I hope the first sign isn’t found in a toilet at an Indian or Mexican restaurant. Extra hard when it’s a firebomb brewing inside, y’know

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:57 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#13 Catburglar

Isn’t note number one illegal? I mean, really, can you forbid your employees from shitting at work? Hmmm, maybe, I guess, if you provide each one with a “waste can”.

Dec 10, 2009 at 10:58 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#13.1 Canthz_B

Note one is not really that bad, given that most employees don’t give a shit at work anyway.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:12 pm rating: 90
#13.2 Catburglar

CB! *rimshot*!

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: 90
#13.3 Canthz_B

I aim to please…but they still make me sit in Canadian coffee shops.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:23 pm rating: 90
#13.4 crumplet

Better you sit down and let them do the aiming sometimes

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 90
#13.5 Bcteagirl

Standing room only at work apparently.

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:34 pm rating: 90
#13.6 Beanster

standing is very exclusive in canada. it’s by top secret invitation only. we just say there’s none so all those ~~losers who don’t get invite~~ who are not elligible for invitation don’t feel bad.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:38 am rating: 90
#13.7 Nick Noehm

most employees don’t give a shit at work anyway …

… so in the interest of shit-neutral sustainability, they are being asked to refrain from taking a shit as well.

Management has a cap-and-trade system ready for implementation should the voluntary system fail.

Don’t TAKE a shit, unless you GIVE a shit!

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: 90
#13.8 Dara

Better than a crap and trade system.

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:11 pm rating: 90
#13.9 park rose

Flatu lence itself to a farter trade system.

Dec 13, 2009 at 4:25 am rating: 90

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#14 aaa bang

Control your colon
We’re too cheap for good plumbing
Shit in the trash can

Dec 10, 2009 at 11:52 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#14.1 infant tyrone

There are two trash cans
Crap in the one that says crap
Not in the other

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:53 am rating: 90

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#15 jason

On the second one, the answer is no.

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:16 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#16 Mel K

I thumb my nose at these signs.

I only use public toilets for my personal moments of disturb.

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#16.1 Beanster

there really is no reason not to. let someone else’s plumbing deal with it.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:39 am rating: 90

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#17 President Benson

ALL MALES using this toilet must sit.
Standing is not an option.

Equal opportunity for everybody to get crabs!

Dec 11, 2009 at 1:40 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#17.1 park rose

All males in this can must stand.
Sitting is not an option.

Donald Rumsfeld.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:13 am rating: 90
#17.2 infant tyrone

Yea, rose! But please, after this, quote the Po’ Rummy nevermore!
Alas, in memory he will be ‘known’ for his pithy remarks and no more.*

* Well, maybe a little torture and blowing the goat on capturing OBL.

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:02 pm rating: 90
#17.3 pony girl

*Well, maybe a little torture and blowing the goat on capturing OBL.*

That is a completely reprehensible misuse of the escape goat !
I am appalled.

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: 90
#17.4 infant tyrone

As Saint Ronald McDonald Reagan himself put it, “mistakes were made”.

We could dwell on political stuff from that era, but I’m more concerned with people getting the Poe reference (as crude as it, apologetically, is).

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:58 am rating: 90
#17.5 pony girl

I got the Poe reference, I just didn’t have any witty way to acknowledge it.
Sorry, all y’all are WAY more articulate than I am.
(Plus, my grammar sucks.)

Dec 12, 2009 at 5:25 am rating: 90
#17.6 infant tyrone

Seeing as how you’re in the Outlaw Country Capital now, you could of gone with a coupla verses of that old Hank Williams standard…

Your Telltale Heart

If you were up Beans’ way you might have heard of a Canadian law enforcement troupe’s musical version of Travis & Bowie’s Last Stand…

The Cast of a Mountied Alamo

Gud grammer can be lernd, but bad speling is offen a lifethyme curse. Keep coming back….

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:38 pm rating: 90

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#18 park rose bang

That’s management for you. Always looking out for number one.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:04 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#19 park rose bang

I guess the shit-stirrers got trumped by the piss- takers.

One piss-taker per management, no shit-stirrers, no exceptions.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:06 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#19.1 infant tyrone

Oh, this is cozy, for now…all Joni Mitchell-ish or Stealers Wheel-ish…
Let’s see if anyone notices the remodeling….

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:16 pm rating: 90

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#20 park rose bang

I know someone’s going to post inbetween me and me eventually, so, ~~two~~ one more.

I bet that first sign wiped the shit-eating grins right off management’s face(s).

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:10 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#21 aaa bang

Soooo… With the second note, where does that leave me? I’m only partly male. Does that mean I’m allowed to hover over the toilet so I can piss all over the seat?

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:17 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#21.1 park rose

It depends upon where you dangle your doodle*

* Not sure which part of aaa is partly male.*

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:24 am rating: 90
#21.2 infant tyrone

* Not sure either. The Pointer Sisters may be eponymous in this regard…
if not, they are at least instructive as to the doodly end of things…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G6a6bIrmg8

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:23 pm rating: 90
#21.3 Critical Grass

Ty ♥

Thank you for that link.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:27 pm rating: 90
#21.4 infant tyrone

CG,
At the risk of offending some folks like ‘xxyyzz’ who complain about chatter here on PAN…
Hey, Hot Stuff, thanks for the Heart.
You know me (so far)…screw the ASCII Character set…I’ll usually say it with plain old words…

Buenas Dias,
Su amigo, espero…
ty

Dec 12, 2009 at 2:04 am rating: 90
#21.5 Critical Grass

Who’s complaining?
Name names, c’mon!

Buen dia para ti también, amigo.

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:35 am rating: 90
#21.6 infant tyrone

Hey, why bother typing the name, s/he’ll be here just a bit below…
In the meantime, I’d rather listen to this hymn to “Here she comes”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMSkcCV790

Dec 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm rating: 90

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#22 Gavin

Until I saw the second note I thought this was a note from the boss of the company annoyed at those brown-nosing want to be management types that try to be the boss’ assistant and take it upon themselves to assert authority on the younger people in the org. God I hate those types.

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:03 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#23 a*p

Obviously the first note writer is a ST:TNG fan. Poor Riker never gets any respect.

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:41 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#24 Esacepe Goat

Should we infer that ALL FEMALES must stand? What’s the name of the place? “Whacky Wednesday”?

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:50 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#24.1 park rose

W(h)acky Wednesday is when people actually exist on a Wednesday, and Bob never arrives when you summon him.

” : Inverted ~~commas~~ colons? : “

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:30 am rating: 90
#24.2 Esacepe Goat

Huh?

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm rating: 90
#24.3 Critical Grass

EG (another G here, Ty!), Wacky Wednesday is not good for us, the summon button is always in maintenance. Try any other Wacky Day of the Wacky Week, ok? Ok.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:35 pm rating: 90
#24.4 infant tyrone

They gave Bob warning after warning…they liked the big galoot.

But after not answering 5 different summonses on W(h)acky Wednesday, well….

Bob got the…
.no
.peeking
.now
(W)hacky Sack.

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:04 pm rating: 90
#24.5 infant tyrone

*inverted colons* ?

rose,
Have you been watching carny movies with long funhouse mirrors sequences again?

Easy enough with the semi-colon, sure, but, how could you tell if a colon was/is inverted ?

Putting myself in the D.F.Wallace character’s shoes (the character who reflected that mouth-kissing another person is, analyzed topologically, tantamount to licking one end of a straw whose other end is, well, less inviting to most of us than a straw is), I suppose I propose that everybody adopt the universal application of lipstick. Optional for semi-colons.

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:21 pm rating: 90
#24.6 park rose

ty, you can’t.
Esacepe, Wacky Wednesdays.

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 90
#24.7 infant tyrone

Can’t…seldom turns out to be true…

All it takes (above) is for those interested in straw-dynamics to agree to and practice a universally recognizable method of demarcating input and output zones, and then just ramble on…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-BDc5VbKJ0&feature=related

You may have alternate hi/stories, I’m all ears…

Dec 12, 2009 at 2:21 am rating: 90
#24.8 Escape Goat

I guess I’m missing all the inside jokes here.

(This place is like a douche canoe boat parade.)

Dec 12, 2009 at 4:02 am rating: 90
#24.9 Critical Grass

U talkin’ to me?!

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:37 am rating: 90
#24.10 park rose

escape goat, I gave you a link to the bob mess thread where people did not exist on wednesdays and where bob was out of the office but would come when summoned. that is all.

as for answers and inferences to anything I might post, I don’t get half of them, or even three-quarters, on a quick glimpse, so you’re not alone. some others do. I don’t really mind, but I thought the link was straight forward enough.

really, no-one but escape goat needs to reply to this if anyone feels like replying to it.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:09 am rating: 90
#24.11 Escape Goat

Rose, Ty, others … my apologies. “Esacepe Goat” is my rushed, sad, soul-devoured personality who, while at “work,” posted quickly after taking 10 seconds out to read and post to PAN when my handlers were not looking. It’s amazing just how sad my grammar and spelling are when I am typing too quickly.

The second post was the result of few too many beers and came out as a frustrated, knee-jerk reaction to reading responses that didn’t make sense. I am still clueless about references such as “*inverted colons*” Sorry I missed your link–mea culpa.

PS, The “request deletion” button is unavailable. I just looked to see if I could delete the comment.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:23 am rating: 90
#24.12 park rose

I edited it in, escape goat, so you might have missed it.

Really, it was a pretty weak joke. Colonials such as me call quotation marks inverted commas, and as we were talking about a Wednesday when everything was wacky and reversed, and poo has to do with colons, I thought I would take a stab in the dark – you know colon/colon/semi colon, so forth. It wasn’t worth it.

Anything one has to explain so much isn’t really, so it is in actual fact my apologies.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:32 am rating: 90
#24.13 infant tyrone

EG, (if informal is a problem, just mention it)

rose ['r'=her choice] has explained the origin of inverted colons.
My kicking the tin can down the street* consisted of a reference to a reflective thought of an actual character in an actual author’s short story.
It was from memory, but from what you can see of the nature of the thought, it would be hard to go far wrong in recollecting it.
The rest is just, um, cosmetic.

I thought I came up with a pretty neat way of telling if a colon is inverted, but as you can see, rose disagrees.

It was her phrase, so I’m not going to get into a con-traw^-versey about it.

Hell, even if I convinced her that I’m right, well, she’s a grrl; I’m not; she could choose to wear the lipstick, and I’d be stuck playing the asshole.

Is this any way to run a patriarchy?
You can’t quit me because I’m fired!

Dec 12, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: 90

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#25 Bryan

IF YOU MUST “STAND” PLEASE USE THE LOCKED MENS ROOM ON FLOOR 1. SEE CASEY IN HUMAN RESOURCES FOR A KEY.

THX,
SANDRA

Dec 11, 2009 at 6:58 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#25.1 Critical Grass

Also, if need any help peeing sitting down, just ask Casey in Human Resources for a demonstration. She’ll be happy to help you.

THX
SANDRA

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm rating: 90
#25.2 pony girl

I can just imagine that company adding one more training session.
You know, along with the sexual harassment video, the anger-management/customer service video and the don’t-lift-while-twisted video they’ll know have an instructional video on the proper way to pee.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:05 pm rating: 90

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#26 Andy Turner

At my friends house when I was young there was this great poster above the toilet which had a picture of a wee lad near the loo with text above ” If you sprinkle when you tinkle” and text below “be sweet and wipe the seat”.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:08 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#26.1 Bryan

If you miss when you piss, be a man and clean the can.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:28 am rating: 90
#26.2 Geek Goddess

http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/10/this-time-management-has-gone-too-far/#comment-330051

And of course, this one:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2008/12/09/the-rhyme-that-must-be-flushed/

What, are you still here? Do you think if you keep reading, I will add a humorous or witty comment to these links? C’mon, move it along, there’s a line-up for this seat.

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:38 am rating: 90
#26.3 park rose

Hi, eek-odd ♥

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:02 am rating: 90

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#27 leslie

if you’re missing when you’re pissing, you must really be bollocks in the sack

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:34 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#27.1 park rose

Define bollocks.

Dec 11, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: 90
#27.2 Critical Grass

Yes, define bollocks, b/c all of a sudden it got very confusing (hey, PG!).
The sentence, not the bollocks. Oh, wait…

Dec 11, 2009 at 2:19 pm rating: 90
#27.3 pony girl

27.2,

you’re confused?

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:02 pm rating: 90
#27.4 infant tyrone

Methinks the sack above us is doing more multiple duty for leslie than Falstaff’s bota de Jerez did for The Bard.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:14 pm rating: 90
#27.5 park rose

Never mind the bollocks.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: 90
#27.6 infant tyrone

Come again ?
I must have missed something while I was out
cleaning my revolver…
Of all the Rotten luck…

Dec 12, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 90

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#28 Joe 2

Hit ‘em with a stick
Hit ‘em with a broom
Stand up
Sit down
Boom, Boom, Boom!

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:59 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#29 Abounding Air bang

After recovering from my reverse Dr. Pepper nasal douche brought on quite unexpectedly, I have to wonder what is the process for making sure the guidlines are followed? What is the punishment for ingoring them? How do I remove Dr. Pepper from my keyboard? Would PG be interested in doing a reality show…”Bites I Have Suffered” ?

Dec 11, 2009 at 10:11 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#29.1 mystic_eye_cda

If you have a decent keyboard pop the keys off and leave it upside down on a towel for awhile. Then use a no-lint rag wet with isopropal alcohol to remove any remaining stickiness.

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:25 pm rating: 90

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#30 Xiola

This is an increasingly common phenomenon in Germany. Men are asked to “sitzpinkel.”

http://www.amazon.de/Sitzpinkel-Manifest-Hier-sitzt-MANN/dp/3821830506

Dec 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#30.1 mystic_eye_cda

http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,1564,1378083,00.html
About 1.6 million toilets are already haunted by Spuk, or Spook, as the little device is called. Attached to the underside of the toilet seat, Spuk quietly endures sitting visitors. But anyone trying to lift the seat should be prepared for the ghost’s unrelenting wrath.

“Excuse me, but there’s a penalty for peeing while standing in this house,” it warns culprits. “You’d better not risk any problems and sit down!”

Other versions start roaring like a lion or try to persuade stubborn customers with the soothing voice of a female flight attendant.

“We welcome you aboard Never Come Back Airlines,” the voice says. “We’d like to ask our male passengers in particular to sit down, buckle up and refrain from smoking.”

After conquering the German market, Spuk has already taken over toilets in Scandinavia, the Netherlands and Canada.

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:26 pm rating: 90
#30.2 infant tyrone

I hear as soon as some copyright issues can be ironed out, Mr. Putin has a company all set to provide a mandatory version for all toilets in Russia.

Tentative product name: Spuk-nit.

It will be an anti-patriotic crime not to have one making you do the right thing. If you’re not seated, a voice will admonish…”Stands. Treason!”
(Sadly this will be in Russian, which makes it a lot less funny,)

Units in governmental toilets will additionally be equipped with a variant of retinal ID software and a highly accurate short-range sprayer which will dose rebellious standers with a short blast of bowl-water approximately 2.1 cm below their retinas. Marketing posters and TV cartoons have already been approved for the “Spuk-nit’s Back with Another Sub-Orbital Shot” campaign.

Dec 11, 2009 at 7:35 pm rating: 90
#30.3 Palomon

Civilization. Nice while it lasted.
When you get to where management has anything to say about the manner and posture of pissing and shitting…

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:29 am rating: 90
#30.4 kmd

Yes, and Real American Men[tm] are doing something about it, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qo3o4nfiG7A

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:27 am rating: 90
#30.5 infant tyrone

I’ll finish later, but I had to stop around 1:15 into it because it sounds like he’s saying the Bible resembles a postmodern roman a clef.
Hell, if I’da known that, I’da given it more study.

Dec 12, 2009 at 10:41 am rating: 90

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#31 jinx

For the second note, I jope they’re not checking to see if the men are complying. O O

For the first, why do companies even bother to make pencils that aren’t number 2? They’re almost as useless as CB.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:34 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#31.1 anglophile

This comment would have been mildly amusing without the last line, which pushed it right into creepy stalker territory.

Dec 11, 2009 at 3:52 pm rating: 90
#31.2 Canthz_B

I sure “jope” I’m not being stalked again.

But I do wonder what was useful about including someone who is useless into a comment.
Was there some point to it? If so, doesn’t that make CB useful in making the point, thereby invalidating the point itself?

Think, it ain’t illegal yet!!

Dec 20, 2009 at 5:12 pm rating: 90

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#32 jinx

Anglo, your satire makes me laugh. How you pretend you think humans only spend their time on computers or stalking others… Wait, you’re serious. I’m tempted to wish death on your buddies and make you cry worse than Aaron Carter did on DWTS, but it seems you have way bigger problems…

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:06 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#32.1 anglophile

You bet your ass I do! I have been recently diagnosed with Naracistic Clinique Syndrome! It makes life a living hell, I tell you!

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: 90
#32.2 park rose

‘glo, maybe if you change colon cleansers? Vent your spleen a little, you know. It does wonders for your ~~composition~~ complexion. But no number two venting, only number one is allowed.

Dec 13, 2009 at 4:41 am rating: 90

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#33 jinx

I feel sorry for you. I’m sure one of the symptoms is replying endlessly to posts that are not addressed to you, and have NOTHING to do with you. So, I won’t reply to your comments anymore. Maybe this will encourage to you interact with my species, humans. Most of which are nice than me and don’t mind dealing with subhumans. Have fun.

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:16 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#33.1 anglophile

*runs crying from room*

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:19 pm rating: 90
#33.2 YONZ!

Yeah, anglophile. Or should I say Waa-anglophile?

*Wheezes “Ha”, taking a rapid breath in after each*

Dec 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm rating: 90
#33.3 Beanster

wait. we are only supposed to reply that are addressed to us and have SOMETHING to do with us?

shit. i’ve been doing PAN wrong.

*awkward!*

Dec 11, 2009 at 5:30 pm rating: 90
#33.4 infant tyrone

Hey, Beans…
If you’ve been doing it wrong, then I must be doing it halfway to bass ackwards, or halfway to ass backwards, if there’s a difference.

Hell, I think I’ve even jumped into threads that were originally addressed to other people and had only the most oblique relation to me.

Oh well, we old fuddy-duddies will just have to sit by on the sidelines and watch the larval (or pupal, it’s hard to tell without the under-heel crunch as feedback) units show us How It’s Done.

Wish I had a snappy comeback to someone who’s hip enough to watch DWTS and mention it in [sic] pubic.

Wish I had the panache to drop little misspellings in to outwit the Touring Fuzz, too, but most of all I wish I had mad-cool running buddyz like YONZ! who can spike a set-up in less than 36 minutes. Luxury e+6 !

Selah, as HST useta say. Maybe it’s all for the best…if s/he hadn’t discovered an outlet in PAN, things might devolve to the status quo ante, which I’m just guessing was an mid-adolescent Aspy self-medicating with DXM or a 12 year old cutter doing self-mutilating body sculpture with an X-Acto blade.

OK, back to your cocoa and Lawrence Welk DVD’s, old timer…thanks for listening.
ty

P.S. I sure jope nobody this isn’t addressed to has a spaz attack and replies to it. Talking awkward…

Dec 11, 2009 at 8:07 pm rating: 90
#33.5 anglophile

Thanks for reminding me to Google DWTS, ty! I knew that was probably something I should know, but as I don’t watch a whole lot of tv outside football, I had no idea what it was.

I still have no idea who Aaron Carter is. Should I JFGI, or is it not worth knowing?

Dec 12, 2009 at 6:25 am rating: 90
#33.6 infant tyrone

JFG’ing won’t take long. If you need to know anything, it’s probably in the 1st two paragraphs of his Wiki. I know now, but I’m ready to forget, if that gives you a clue about the long-term value of the data.

Dec 12, 2009 at 10:44 am rating: 90
#33.7 Canthz_B

Wait a minute! I just Googled DWTS too! Am I to understand that someone who watches a show that could have been called “Live Vicariously!” is telling us how to get lives?!

Dec 20, 2009 at 6:05 pm rating: 90

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#34 Geek Goddess

I am waiting for a note that reminds people to use both sides of the toilet paper, in the interests of saving trees.

Dec 11, 2009 at 11:40 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#34.1 park rose

written on the unused side of said toilet paper, in the interests of saving trees.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:15 am rating: 90
#34.2 infant tyrone

*written on the unused side of said toilet paper*

and it’s Irony Gal’s paper, submitted by the present day analog of A.J. Weberman, who regularly dives in Alanis M.’s dumpster…

The provenance of the paper is authenticated by a vidcam clip of the paper being ‘rescued’ from said dumpster. The paper itself had to travel via snail mail, and was protected from the elements, but not from prying eyes, or even incurious ones, which were able to inspect it at each P.O. along the route to Austin, because the sender had chosen a clear CD jewel case as the transport vehicle, needing only a stamp in the upper right hand corner to start the historically ironic odyssey.

Owing to their ubiquitous use in the music biz, the provenance of the CD jewel case is inconclusive.

The Santorini Chamber of Commerce has formally petitioned for return of the paper. They claim that the paper’s serration patterns (emblematic of the tines of a trident) are evidence that the paper came from their island. They hope to feature it in a display in their new museum called “περίφημη σκατά που βρέθηκαν στη Σαντορίνη “, which loosely translates to “Famous Shit Found on Santorini”.

Dec 12, 2009 at 12:08 pm rating: 90

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#35 watchtower

The first note was written by a robot with a fetish for binary.

Dec 11, 2009 at 11:57 pm rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#35.1 infant tyrone

Not surprising…robots are infamous for wanting it both ways…

They want to serve their masters and
they want to master their servos.

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:37 pm rating: 90

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#36 Palomon bang

Winston Churchill pissed standing up and so will I.
The Lone Ranger pissed standing up and so will I.
Men piss standing up.
Males can sit all they want.
I will put my streaky brown signature on your damned sign.

Dec 12, 2009 at 1:34 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#36.1 park rose

Hi-Ho Sliver, Away!

Dec 13, 2009 at 4:43 am rating: 90
#36.2 park rose

Oh, and the Twisted shitter vs. Twisted sitter.

You’re not gonna take it, no more, right?

Dec 13, 2009 at 5:13 am rating: 90

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#37 Escape Goat

Per management:

When you rub one out, please don’t shout.

Don’t be jerkin’ when you should be workin’.

Dec 12, 2009 at 4:08 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#38 Havingfitz

I was NOT doing #2. I just have a wide stance, damn it!

Dec 12, 2009 at 7:06 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#39 Tasha

I poop where I want! In fact, maybe I’ll come to this bathroom just to poop.

Dec 12, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#40 orinoco womble

I’m with you, Tara. This sign makes me want to go in there just to take an uberdump followed up by about a pound of the most absorbent TP I can lay my hands on.

Dec 21, 2009 at 7:01 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#41 Tim

I wish I had taken a picture of it, but the motel in Sneedville TN (the ONLY motel in Sneedville TN!) has a sign in one room:
“The toilet cannot handle toilet paper; put it in the trash can.”

I’ve been told that this is not a temporary problem; it’s been like that for years.

Ew.

Dec 29, 2009 at 9:41 am rating: 90 small thumbs up

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#42 Liz