Stuff this in your stocking, sister.

← Vindictive much? Sometimes, Mom is (actually, maybe, a little bit) right. →

December 20th, 2009 · 131 comments

Gift-giving is what makes Christmas the passive-aggressive’s favorite time of year. It’s a priceless opportunity to show your friends and family how you really feel about them…with a bow on top!

related: putting the “x” in “x-mas”

FILED UNDER: Christmas · family · holiday spirit

131 responses so far ↓

#1 Havingfitz

I’m offended! My Saul happens to be very organized! *hugs Saul* Shhh, don’t cry.

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:22 pm rating: 25

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- #1.1 park rose
  
  Don’t you mean, for your un-converted, heathen Saul?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:49 am rating: 7
- #1.2 infant tyrone
  
  You mean Saul of Tarsus* ?
  
  Well…
  
  Like a missed PAT lumen large…a flash in the PAN
  Say anything about it, you’re in trouble with the man
  Let the midnight special, shine her light on me
  Let the midnight special, shine her ever-loving light on me
  
  Say what you will…Kick my feet on down the pike,
  But I never metatarsal that I didn’t like.
  
  .
  .
  .
  * Hope Attila didn’t change his name to Saul.
  What an awkward retrohistory loop that would make.
  But he could do bitchin’ 7-up commercials.
  Hi y’all, Atilla the Hun here for the *un*-cola !
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:59 am rating: 0
- #1.3 se
  
  if you are seeing this as Saul, shouldn’t you actually be seeing it as Sail?
  
  of course, written before I saw 5.1…..
  next time, read ALL replies…
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:46 pm rating: 2
- #1.4 mamason
  
  “Saul, Saul! Why dost thou not better organize thyself?”
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:30 pm rating: 9
- #1.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  Um, excuse me, but Saul was a prophet. He has no need of a calendar. He knows what’s coming and it ain’t worth writing down.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:34 pm rating: 6
- #1.6 park rose
  
  Especially since he took that vow of celibacy, and insisted that everyone else attempt to do the same… everyone else being men… women didn’t really count.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm rating: 2
- #1.7 infant tyrone
  
  rose´,
  Don’t kid yourself. Paul was a tax-man. He recognized the value of women in producing more marks/customers/victims.
  But after being Knocked Off His Ass (as opposed to being knocked *on* it) he had a paradigm shift, and kids became the problem, not women.
  
  I’m sure you can research this and extend it or fire retro-rockets if you find info going counter, but I think the character called only “Saint” in Gore Vidal’s “Live from Golgotha” deserves only our best efforts…
  and I fervently hope you agree.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:56 am rating: 0
- #1.8 park rose
  
  Ah well, the taxman and mother superior all on the one page – guess you’ve got to admit it’s getting better.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 6:47 am rating: 1
- #1.9 infant tyrone
  
  couldn’t get much worse, verily…
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 1
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#2 zenvelo

where are the note cards for writing snarky notes to my sisters? and why didn’t you address them?

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: 13

reply to this comment
- #2.1 snarky
  
  And put the postage on them too. You’re the one who wants me to write.
  
  Dec 20, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: 11
- #2.2 mystic_eye_cda
  
  Seriously if you need really nice note paper to write your sister what’s left for people you want to be special/formal when you write to????
  
  And in my family snark=love
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:21 pm rating: 2
- #2.3 infant tyrone
  
  You’re old enough to get this:
  
  For those special recipients (or correspondents) you must use what one Letter to the Editor at Rolling Stone speculated that Ralph Steadman used when illustrating articles written by Hunter Thompson….blood clots !
  
  I mean, if you’ve got the right ink, just about any paper will do…
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:16 am rating: 1
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#3 Canthz_B

I can’t think of a single nice thing to write to Sister Mary Catherine or Sister Theresa, but is it too late to try to get Sister Rochelle’s phone number?
Do I have a Revelation for her!

Behold the black horse, Baby!
And she that sat on him had a pair of balls in her hand!

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: 10

reply to this comment
- #3.1 Havingfitz
  
  I had Sister Ann Rose. Anything I could think of to say to her would probably get me arrested. (Creepy old bat)
  
  Dec 20, 2009 at 10:37 pm rating: 3
- #3.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  I haven’t written to Sister Mary Elephant in many years…perhaps I should.
  
  Dec 20, 2009 at 11:22 pm rating: 11
- #3.3 Palomon
  
  WAAAKE UUP!
  
  Dec 20, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: 4
- #3.4 Geek Goddess
  
  Little Baby Damien? Is that you?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:36 am rating: 3
- #3.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  Kudos to rilla and palomon for the lovely Cheech and Chong reference! You have both been thumbed !
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:20 am rating: 3
- #3.6 infant tyrone
  
  Wow…
  
  “Un-bridled Pushin’”
  Sister Rochelle with the cowgirl-reverse-reacharound
  Traded her Sybian for The Nubian
  Alass, she’ll ne’er return to us now
  (Careful she doesn’t pummel your pommel)
  
  “To Serve and Project”
  Mind the reigns, proud Steed
  Emma’ll let you finish, she ain’t no tribad
  But how Kanye ever lose track of
  Just who’s sovereign in your dyad
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: 2
- #3.7 Canthz_B
  
  Wow, ty, now I want a two-horse team hitched to my buck-board!
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:08 pm rating: 3
- #3.8 YONZ!
  
  IT, your posts sometimes annot me. Well most of the time. Care to guess why?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm rating: 2
- #3.9 Canthz_B
  
  Not until after we get a definition of “annot”.
  
  Here’s an idea…try commenting about the posted note before you try to sink your teeth into someone.
  
  There’s a good little troll.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 4:35 pm rating: 5
- #3.10 infant tyrone
  
  CB, (Camden Buckaroo?)
  
  Well, these are the kinds of wants that usually require a Specialized Santa.
  You might get lucky this time of year and hook up with a team of sisters standing in line for the Regular Santa at your local mall, but if you do the math…it’ll have to be a trio if you want to hitch up with a team of two (somebody’s gotta drive all the younguns home [or somewhere] while you and the dynamic duo deck the halls and such). And what are the odds of that in a country of only 300 million or so?
  
  Maybe slim, Slim, but who better than U to take advantage of the Season?
  
  I’ll just bet there’s somebody on your list that, if you haven’t flat-out forgotten them, could use an extra stocking stuffer or two. Onward!
  
  I can hear the PA in my mind already…
  Paging Mr. CB…clean up at Santa’s Workshop !
  
  Dude, it’s an omen…don’t wait for a star.., be one! Go nova, get pix…
  
  ty
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:40 pm rating: 3
- #3.11 park rose
  
  Kind of keeping in with the feeling of the note; ‘anoint‘ him(?) It’s a compliment. Actually, it’s kind of like the stationery for writing good thoughts, and the stationery for writing bad thoughts… you can take your pick.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:41 pm rating: 2
- #3.12 infant tyrone
  
  rose,
  If y’all keep me busy with self-annotating replies to my PAN colleagues, Imma never get around to feedin’ this monkey (Jones) on my back.
  
  Actually, m’deah, I had thought of “annot” as annoint w/o the “in”, and was tumbling ideas around my mental drum like semi-precious stones in the process of being polished.
  
  Having noted that my earlier ‘oeuvre du jour’ was replete (if not rampant) with images of fluids under pressure seeking and attaining release, I was nearly to the point of crafting a terse (maybe not quite ‘terse’) reply to advise the alien being of my Seasonal status as a human chrismatory for sacred, lubricious lubricants and to inquire as to which of its orifices, joints, or surfaces would best benefit from application of same.
  
  But then your #3.11 reminded me that “anoint” is spelled with but two, non-collocated “n”s…alas, best laid plans and all that other Steinbeck jazz.
  
  So, I’m in a dither as to what to do, y’know ?
  Answer with a broadside ?
  Let this missive to you serve as an oblique response ?
  PxP en passant as it were, were we on the lucky 8×8 chessboard.
  
  And if directly, with the good angel, the bad angel, both, or the agnostic ?
  The pressure to get an Aquinas-like balance is like…well, it’s pressing.
  
  I think for now I’ll just answer bluntly but beigely. Stay tuned.
  
  Thanks for listening. Grade yourself if you got this far.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:17 pm rating: 3
- #3.13 infant tyrone
  
  Attn: YONZ! (aka IONS, EYE-ONS, IOWNZ, IPWNS, etc., ad naus.)
  Ref: SWAG (Scientific Wild-Assed Guess)
  
  “How do I annot thee? Let me enumerate the modalities.”
  Can you identify the author, title, or original verse? Two out of three? Without using a computer ? Gamble your allowance on it ?
  
  “And my best friend, my drummer, won’t even tell me what it is I’ve dropped.”
  With no resources other than what’s in your meatspace cranium, at 10-1 odds, would you be willing to risk $10 that you can recite the original lyric, author, and title for the above parody/homage version in 60 seconds?
  
  If not, then you are not part of the subset of humans or Turing machines who constitute my “target audience”. Remember, even if you only get 1 out of 10, you’re up $10 for every 10 you play. Two out of 10 and you’re banking serious coin…But still no go, huh ?
  
  So here’s my guess, you’d like to play, or to argue, or to stylishly dump on what’s in the box under my handle…but, you don’t have a big enough database of factual stuff to buy into the game, or to back up your argument, or to withstand a verbal thermonuclear exchange that,
  although unlikely to occur, is not impossible.
  
  See, if we still had westerns as an active genre, I could call you the Kid Coming into Town to Make or Break His Bones Against the Old Gun.
  I think I understand your situation, and I know I understand mine. What you probably haven’t put into perspective is that the Kid and Old Gun are just a couple of text-based toons drawn (Draw!) by me and you and that I don’t have a problem closing down my toon based on boredom, even if it’s faked to cover embarrassment at being outgunned. How could you know ? Why would I care if you did ?
  
  So, that’s my guess…feel encouraged to tell me if it’s close at all and to tell me your version if I’m way off the mark.
  If you don’t reply I’ll, y’know, chalk it up to your being, well, bored…
  
  ty
  
  P.S. If you register (little area by the comment box at bottom) then you can edit out or change things like “annot” hours, even days, later.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 11:38 pm rating: 4
- #3.14 Canthz_B
  
  Multiple thumbs, ty. Let me count the ways!
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:14 am rating: 4
- #3.15 anglophile
  
  Aw, man! I totally get question one, ace it all the way, could probably even date it for you, but I have no idea about question two. Now I don’t know if I should read ty’s posts or not.
  
  (sorry for butting in, but I love taking quizzes)
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 7:21 am rating: 3
- #3.16 infant tyrone
  
  No time for clever twisted hints about a tiny lad’s travails…
  
  When you’re lost in the rain in Juarez
  and it’s Eastertime too
  
  if blank JFG those 2 lines
  
  Glo’,
  Since you got 1 out of 2, you’d be making good $$ on this quiz, which is why you’re now banned from playing for money. But please keep reading and playing along on the home version…couldn’t do it with out you.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 9:15 am rating: 1
- #3.17 YONZ!
  
  Aw dang! Should check the replys to the comments I post shortly after at least sometimes.
  
  I read until I saw the time limit for the game (didnt know the reference, unfortunatley).
  
  I just want to share the fact with you that I am very happy. I saw the edit button.
  
  Dec 24, 2009 at 12:39 pm rating: 0
- #3.18 YONZ!
  
  Lol priceless post as well.
  
  Dec 24, 2009 at 12:40 pm rating: 0
- #3.19 infant tyrone
  
  I think that was a compliment…but in case you need to save face with a crew, I won’t push it.
  
  Glad you found the edit button. Happy that you’re happy. Don’t get too happy and drive, though.
  
  Keep coming back/…if you ever want to answer the “Why?” question…this would be a good place…
  Happy/Merry/etc/etc
  ty
  
  Dec 24, 2009 at 3:12 pm rating: 0
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#4 Canthz_B

Thanks for the thoughtful gift of an organizer for 2010.
Unfortunately, here it is June 2010 and I can’t make heads or tails of the disjointed entries I’ve made.
Next Christmas, please be kind enough to provider me with a Gal Friday.

A really hot, horny Gal Friday.

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #4.1 pony girl
  
  I’m surprised that you haven’t been inundated with resumes.
  
  Especially in this economy.
  
  So, would you pay relocation expenses?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 11:33 am rating: 5
- #4.2 Canthz_B
  
  I’ll even pay dislocation expenses (I like it rough).
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:44 pm rating: 10
- #4.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  Because, really, it’s all about location…
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:29 pm rating: 3
- #4.4 park rose
  
  Amen, sister.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:06 pm rating: 3
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#5 Canthz_B

Since when is the United Nations involved in soul organizing?
Hell, they already suck at peace-keeping, who wants them messing with their ever-lasting soul?

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 3

reply to this comment
- #5.1 catburglar
  
  I believe that’s UN-organized sails. The UN has been providing badly needed sails to those in need of sails since the onset of the 70′s, when everyone in search of themselves was broadly encouraged to buy a cheap wooden boat and to sail around around until they had a clue.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 12:08 am rating: 7
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#6 crumplet

Clearly passive-agressive notes are best written on Post-it© notes

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: 9

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#7 crumplet

Use notepad to write nice notes to Sister Teresa so she can save my unorganized soul

Dec 20, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: 6

reply to this comment
- #7.1 infant tyrone
  
  Don’t know why you’d want to demote your mama,
  unless your ultimate goal is to promote your sister.
  
  If your soul’s that un-organ-ized, just scrap the X-Box request and ask Santa for the two playmates for your Appalachian Hoedown fantasy.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 9:57 am rating: 0
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#8 debkatz

The post-it notes give some perspective to how really tiny those notes are for the sisters…even the gift-giver realizes there isn’t that much to say that’s really “nice” about those girls….I’m worried! No one likes those girls. I hope they include a pretty hanky to wipe away their tears *sniff* And don’t get me started on Saul-he’ll just lose that book!

Dec 20, 2009 at 11:02 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #8.1 park rose
  
  That’s what happens when you get clocked by lightning and take a tumble from your donkey/mule – not only do you lose all your worldly possessions, but your organisational skills are fried.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:51 am rating: 5
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#9 Canthz_B

These note cards are for writing nice notes to your sisters. A + me + B talked about what to do and note cards came up. So here you go. I hope you get note cards from everybody!

Dec 20, 2009 at 11:12 pm rating: 20

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#10 debkatz

Let’s pass notes back and forth in study hall! That just never gets old…

Dec 20, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 1

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#11 Palomon

Thanks for the nice note writing cards.
They look a lot like the ones I was gonna wipe my ass with, but you know, cardboard. It’s John Wayne paper- rough and tough and doesn’t shit off no one.
So I’ll line the birdcage with them.

Dec 20, 2009 at 11:37 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#12 jetjackson

Wtf? This came up in your RSS feed?

You might want to edit out that email out of courtesy so that no more people get it than already have on the rss…

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:12 am rating: 0

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#13 Canthz_B

So you posted this on a public board rather than using the contact the person in charge link to help keep it private?

Never been accused of being the brightest bulb in the box, huh?

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: 0

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#14 jetjackson

Note-writing rule #24

If you get to the end of a line and there is only space for 2 letters… Don’t start a word with 11 letters!

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:23 am rating: 10

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- #14.1 Canthz_B
  
  “Dis-” is correct!
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: 3
- #14.2 jetjackson
  
  Were you about to say “Disturb”?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:51 am rating: 1
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#15 jetjackson

Something tells me we are going to be seeing that ‘a note from Shirley’ notepaper again real soon!

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:37 am rating: 3

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#16 Flaboy2425

One sister will get notes on these cards, the other sister will get used toilet paper.

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: 0

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- #16.1 Geek Goddess
  
  One sister gets a nice note
  And one sister gets a PAN
  And the book that mother gives you
  Don’t help you keep your man*
  Go ask Shirley
  About the post-it she will scan
  
  And if you go chasing pony girl
  ‘Cause your marriage is on the hook
  Tell ‘em a brownie eating Goddess
  Has told you not to look
  Don’t call pg
  Since she burnt the book
  
  *See comment #18
  http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/20/stuff-this-in-your-stocking-sister/comment-page-1/#comment-332631
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: 6
- #16.2 pony girl
  
  thumbs-up X10
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 10:20 am rating: 2
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#17 Canthz_B

♫ These cards are made for writing,
Nice notes, your sisters to.
Write those nice notes right now,
Or these cards will write upon you! ♫

Dec 21, 2009 at 1:51 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #17.1 Geek Goddess
  
  I have some nice ~~cards~~ boots, with 4 inch heels, that lace up to above the knee. They weren’t from my sister, though.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:54 am rating: 6
- #17.2 kureshii
  
  “These humans are for writing nice notes to sisters?”
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:24 am rating: 1
- #17.3 Mo®
  
  I am picturing you wearing latex with said boots.
  I ♥ the eek oddess
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:46 am rating: 5
- #17.4 Geek Goddess
  
  You can picture me wearing whatever you like, Mo®, this is the internets, and it works really well that way.
  
  *leaves keyboard for a few minutes to change out of ratty tshirt*
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 4:00 pm rating: 4
- #17.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  Latex? Really? Mo, I thought you were into leather… I mean when I wear my boots, you like that black leather… oh, never mind.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:32 pm rating: 7
- #17.6 pony girl
  
  *crosses Mo off of list of potentials, due to latex allergy. sigh.*
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 10:21 am rating: 5
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#18 kureshii

“When you organize, the right must not know what the left is doing, and my Father will see all the organizing you have done in secret, and your reward will be great in (the impeccably organized) Heaven.”

Dec 21, 2009 at 2:49 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#19 hootie McBoob

DISorganised …or DISorganized (if you’re North American)

Dec 21, 2009 at 5:00 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #19.1 Gavin
  
  I have stared at your response and am wondering why DIS is capitalized while the emphasis should be on the z and s? just a thought.
  
  Plus I’m pretty sure both Americans in the south and north use z’s, not just Northerners… I’m struggling to fathom who the other “Americans are”, I’m pretty sure I’ve never met a South American, west or east… :X
  
  /end pickiness/
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:11 am rating: 0
- #19.2 park rose
  
  Gav, look at CB’s comment way up. Disorganised rather than unorganised. Though I think I use both, probably incorrectly.
  
  North American to cover those from the U.S. and Canada… and others from the North American continent.
  
  Dis or Un? according to Oxford.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:05 am rating: 2
- #19.3 anglophile
  
  It’s the un that takes the sting away. I mean no one could be offended by being told in a friendly way that one is merely unorganized, could one?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:50 am rating: 3
- #19.4 pony girl
  
  17.3,
  
  major deja vous, how weird.
  
  don’t recall ever having deja vous from the written word.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:04 am rating: 1
- #19.5 infant tyrone
  
  glo’,
  
  No one, indeed.
  Not I, certainly.
  
  Anglicans (e’en Episcopalians) get my blood in such a froth
  ‘Til far, far more than my Upper Lip ruts in a PledgED* trough
  
  * 2 syllables here…like al-ledg-ed when it’s the 3 syllable version
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 10:24 am rating: 0
- #19.6 Canthz_B
  
  So, per Oxford, in this case it should be “disorganized” since the gift was a daily planner, meaning that the gift-giver thinks the person is unable (disable, hee hee) to plan their activities in an efficient manner.
  
  Then again, they used a ‘z’ not an ‘s’, so this could be from Oxford, Mississippi, in which case I wouldn’t put too much faith in it!
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:53 pm rating: 2
- #19.7 park rose
  
  Heh-heh… CB. The button on the top right did say U.S. Oxford, but, it didn’t say whether is was Northern, Southern, Eastern or Western… you know how it goes
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:45 pm rating: 1
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#20 pony girl

PFFffftt. Amateurs.
Wish I’d saved it, but I actually burned it.
It being a book that my mom gave to me for christmas, the first christmas after my divorce.

It was a self-help book that explained why men leave and how to prevent them from leaving. My mom had very helpfully highlighted certain passages showing me where I had failed and added little notes on how I might do better next time.

I wish I were kidding.

Dec 21, 2009 at 7:06 am rating: 23

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- #20.1 Mo®
  
  uh WOW!
  There should be a book about how to make bad spouses disappear completely and sooner.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:49 am rating: 5
- #20.2 anglophile
  
  You moved very far away from your mom, right, pg?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:52 am rating: 5
- #20.3 pony girl
  
  18.2,
  
  5000 miles away
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:05 am rating: 10
- #20.4 infant tyrone
  
  Dear Mo,
  
  Novel = Patricia Highsmiths “Strangers on a Train”
  Film = Hitchcock’s “Strangers on a Train”
  
  Dear PG,
  
  Sorry, don’t have anything on Mothers.
  Will keep an eye open, just for you.
  Hope the song helps, too.
  
  Merry Xmas Y’all
  ty
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 10:09 am rating: 3
- #20.5 infant tyrone
  
  But me, I expected it to happen,
  I knew she’d lost control
  When she built a fire on Main Street
  And shot it full of holes
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMgCYbtWjv0
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 12:03 pm rating: 1
- #20.6 Canthz_B
  
  PG, your mom gave you a fellatio manual?
  
  She’s one cool babe!
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: 7
- #20.7 Geek Goddess
  
  Ty, to go with the train theme, we can always include Throw Momma From the Train.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 3
- #20.8 Geek Goddess
  
  Why Men Leave, and How to Prevent Them From Leaving
  
  Ch. 1 101 hiding places for their car keys
  
  Ch. 2 How to nail their shoes to the floor
  
  Ch. 3 Stocking the fridge with beer (lots of beer)
  
  Ch. 4 Don’t undo the handcuffs right away
  
  Let me guess, pg, you didn’t nail his shoes to the floor, because it is too hard to handle a hammer when you have pony hooves instead of opposable thumbs.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:56 pm rating: 6
- #20.9 park rose
  
  Sorry… this comment is all out of place.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:47 pm rating: 3
- #20.10 infant tyrone
  
  GG,
  Hammers for Ponies?…new biz oppty?…no, wait…
  A pony could just whack/stomp/tamp down on the nail, no?
  So, the nail’s the problem…not the hammer.
  Hardware is not the answer.
  Clearly a new software asset is needed.
  
  “Hip-gnosis for Ponies”
  Ch. 6a What to say to get a man to hold a nail where you want it.
  Ch. 6b What to say to get a man to hold his nail where you want it.
  First things first, no?
  
  With the right marketing push, this could balance the advantage men currently have with Saul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:01 pm rating: 4
- #20.11 Geek Goddess
  
  Rose, go straight to the dungeon…
  
  Oops, my bad, Rose, I thought you said that you misplaced a comma.
  
  Sorry, I will send myself to the dungeon now.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:11 pm rating: 3
- #20.12 park rose
  
  I’ll be waiting…
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:10 pm rating: 5
- #20.13 infant tyrone
  
  GG,
  Mind the stairs with those heels, wouldja ?
  Y’know, when someone off-stage yelled out, “Why don’t the two of yuz just get a room?”, I was thinkin’ Howard Johnson’s, maybe even a Radisson…
  but this place down here is so…BIG…and all of this…well, you’ve got lots more than just a coffee maker, hair dryer, and iron here. Carry on !
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 3
- #20.14 Geek Goddess
  
  The more the merrier, Ty, and we can fit quite a crowd here in a pinch.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:13 am rating: 3
- #20.15 infant tyrone
  
  Well, pinch me to see if I’m dreamin’, huh?
  I’m not one to invite myself into what looks to be an even-numbered scenario, but I won’t leave an earnest cupcake hostess in the position of having to ask, “Oh, well, maybe next time?”
  
  Well, it’s your fire drill, just tell us where you want us…who carries the class sign, who totes the first-aid (?) kit, etc. For what it’s worth, I can provide a fairly rigid exemplar of a straight line…if you need orthogonality but managed to leave all the straight-edges back in the *classroom*…
  
  I’ll leave it to you to continue if it amuses you…
  In tennis terms, advantage GG…go ahead, deliver a service ace!
  That would make it D-istress, game, set, and match.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:43 am rating: 3
- #20.16 pony girl
  
  The parts she highlighted weren’t even applicable, neither were the notes.
  My family is just weird.
  
  ps-
  Three years after our divorce, my ex was invited to my brother’s 2nd wedding. I was on the mainland and couldn’t afford to fly back, so wasn’t even sent an invite.
  
  pps- my mom kindly sent me a few photos of my ex at the reception.
  
  Yup. No issues there. None.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: 3
- #20.17 Geek Goddess
  
  The only thing that would make the whole wedding story better, pg, would be if your brother’s second marriage was to someone named Alanis.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 3:54 pm rating: 3
- #20.18 infant tyrone
  
  Are y’all sure your Mom wasn’t/isn’t harboring some ‘complicated sentiments’ about your ex ? It’s kind of old-school-tabloid material (or present-day Springer stuff), but weird stuff happens in weird families.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 4:35 pm rating: 2
- #20.19 pony girl
  
  Ty,
  no.
  eeew.
  No, she’s just a psycho.
  
  ps
  eeew
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 7:03 pm rating: 2
- #20.20 infant tyrone
  
  Sorry that” she’s a psycho” is the good news, but it’s good, because I think 7,500 miles is the minimum recommended separation in such cases.
  
  You’d have to relocate and you just got the window caulked + all. Phew.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 10:04 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#21 Woman on the Verge

Dear Mom,

I am using one of the note cards you so thoughtfully gave to me to write to you instead of my sisters. Of course, killing a tree and littering our landfill with the plastic used in the packaging is just a side benefit.

I thought you should know that my sisters and I communicate online. You know, on the computer, by facebooking, tweeting, and of course by texting via cell phone. We have actually entered this century.

Enclosed are the rest of the dead tree bits you sent. I simply cannot condone your willful acts of aggression against nature.

Love,

Shirley

Dec 21, 2009 at 7:25 am rating: 8

reply to this comment
#22 angb78

First note.
Dear Sisters,
You’re all bitches.
Love,
Me

Dec 21, 2009 at 7:26 am rating: 5

reply to this comment
- #22.1 infant tyrone
  
  If the letters ‘neath the Post-it = “Ma”, then your note is true literally.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 10:31 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#23 adam

Both of these notes were written with love. Nothing wrong here.

Dec 21, 2009 at 8:11 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #23.1 pony girl
  
  Maybe, maybe not.
  There have been many atrocities committed in the name of love, however.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 8:24 am rating: 6
- #23.2 oi
  
  Look if he says nothing is wrong there then nothing is wrong. alright?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 10:25 am rating: 9
- #23.3 infant tyrone
  
  Adam,
  Many would agree in a heartbeat these notes are full of good intentions.
  But the love’s nature, especially on the ‘sisters’ note, gives many pause.
  
  Sincerely (but also as a set-up for a Hell of a nice tune),
  ty
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG84p9dfV00
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 10:46 am rating: 0
- #23.4 anglophile
  
  adam, do you have any sisters?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 11:00 am rating: 2
- #23.5 adam
  
  One sister, she’s 3 years older.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 1:00 pm rating: 0
- #23.6 anglophile
  
  Ever get a post-it note from her?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:07 pm rating: 1
- #23.7 adam
  
  Perhaps, 25 years is a long time. What are you getting at?
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:45 pm rating: 0
- #23.8 anglophile
  
  You’re like, the ultimate straight man, aren’t you adam?
  
  Post-It notes from sisters attached to gifts given to urge you to do something you don’t do (write notes to your sister, organize yourself) may be written with love, but they are also written in the hope that you will change your ways. Instead of just loving your unorganized, non-note writing self, sisters write post-it notes in the hopes that you will improve yourself on their terms.
  
  I know, I have two myself.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 2:52 pm rating: 9
- #23.9 Canthz_B
  
  Amen, sister!
  
  Wanna take mine off my hands?
  
  Mine wrote me a letter once explaining that:
  
  1) Only use my bathroom in case of emergency.
  2) There are no emergencies!
  
  God love her, ’cause I’m having trouble with that.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:14 pm rating: 5
- #23.10 adam
  
  Even my hair is straight!
  
  But I hear ya. I feel like little things like this can be taken as nagging, but also show that they care.
  
  Like the notes, they want to hear from you more.
  
  The Organizer, that one I feel is more of a joke than anything else. Like if someones always late, you get them an alarm clock.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 3:45 pm rating: 2
- #23.11 anglophile
  
  Oh, yes, joke gifts, ha ha.
  
  Like giving a bald man a shampoo gift basket, huh?
  
  Funny!
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 4:11 pm rating: 2
- #23.12 Canthz_B
  
  Adam, you’re a really nice guy with an optimist’s eye.
  
  I envy you and hope you never become a jaded fuck like me.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 4:40 pm rating: 3
- #23.13 Adam
  
  Lol at the bald guy gift. That makes for some great holiday laughter, as long as you get him something awesome to go along with it.
  
  CB your joke gift is rose colored glasses, that would probably take you from jaded to normal.
  
  Hmm, guess thats not so much of a joke. Though, I think jaded suits you well.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm rating: 1
- #23.14 Canthz_B
  
  Thanks for the glasses, I was being serious by the way.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:24 pm rating: 1
- #23.15 oi
  
  Excuse me Adam while I dab my eyes and clear the throat. You see I have overcome with emotions hearing your kind words. Nobody is evil. It’s old good nice world. Terrorist, pollution, PA insults, robbery homicides are just elaborate fancy jokes oi!, as long they are accompanied with something awesome they are hilarious.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:51 pm rating: 2
- #23.16 park rose
  
  PG, were you referring to:
  Stop, in the name of love, before you break my heart
  
  or
  
  In the name of love. What more in the name of love?
  
  or anything at all that Phil Collins/ Lionel Richie recorded. I was going to say caterwauled – but I don’t think their blandness even stretches that far – Even so, I think I would term their tunes as songs that make your ears bleed, and put your teeth on edge. Love hurts, indeed, especially if you’re dancing on the ceiling and you happen to fall.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 5:53 pm rating: 3
- #23.17 Woman on the Verge
  
  And again you prove yourself worthy of my love, rose. Consider yourself soundly thumbed.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:26 pm rating: 2
- #23.18 infant tyrone
  
  rose,
  
  U2 Brute´ ?
  Not that I loved, Cæsar less,
  but that I loved Rome more…
  what amore´…
  in the name of love.
  
  I’ve done the blues, the reds, and the pinks
  and I can follow your bloody audio pretzel logic.
  Agree on Lionel but I’m kinda soft on Silent Running.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 2
- #23.19 Woman on the Verge
  
  CB, what is a jaded fuck, anyway? I’m trying to picture it… oh… never mind.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 6:38 pm rating: 1
- #23.20 park rose
  
  Jade is extremely lucky in China. Love me some jade. And thanks, WotV.
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:13 pm rating: 3
- #23.21 pony girl
  
  Hmm.
  
  I think I want Adam to be my boyfriend.
  
  He’d be so sweet.
  He’d take me out to dinner and to baseball/soccer games.
  We’d go to the farmer’s market and then cook dinner together.
  He’d send me flowers.
  He’d probably never spend 14 hours a day playing online computer games and if he did, he’d at least stop when I tried to give him a lap dance in my new lingerie w/ naughty sayings on it.
  He’d never lie to me or cheat on me.
  and when I get cranky he’d be sweet about it.
  Seriously.
  Adam would be the best boyfriend.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: 3
- #23.22 pony girl
  
  Rose,
  
  I was thinking more along the lines of my whole bizarre childhood, but i guess the second one.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 7:05 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#24 me

oh my.

Controlling!!! – wrapped up in what appears to others to be; ” good intentions.”

Dec 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#25 Canthz_B

Unorganized soul.

I hate it when the collard greens slop over into the macaroni and cheese compartment in the styrofoam take-out box.

Dec 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm rating: 7

reply to this comment
- #25.1 park rose
  
  Or when Aretha Franklin and George Michael do a duet together (actually, I like both… but you know, just riffing on the riff).
  
  Dec 21, 2009 at 7:15 pm rating: 3
- #25.2 Canthz_B
  
  Then you’ll love Brothers’ BBQ in Newark, NJ, rose.
  The food is slammin’, and Aretha and George are on the jukebox jammin’!
  
  But if you want it down home sloppy but good, ya gotta go to The Chicken Shack…also in Newark…or you can come over to my place!
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: 3
- #25.3 pony girl
  
  what are collard greens anyways?
  I’ve never seen a collard.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: 2
- #25.4 infant tyrone
  
  Collared greens are people who get arrested for using their rubber Zodiac boat to block an oil tanker or for breaking Starbucks’ windows or throwing rocks at a G-7 confereence.
  
  Dec 22, 2009 at 3:51 pm rating: 4
add to this thread
#26 Canthz_B

OMG! I just got a note from Shirley!!

Oh, never mind, it’s an invitation to a play at the local grammar school.
Dead ringer though.

Dec 21, 2009 at 4:47 pm rating: 3

reply to this comment
#27 park rose

Mother Superior knows that happiness is a warm gun. Oh, that and receiving nice notes from your sisters. People need a little reminding sometimes.

Dec 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
#28 Miati

Aww, mom. You shouldn’t have.

No, I really mean it… you shouldn’t have.

Dec 21, 2009 at 11:35 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
#29 A Christmas shopping list | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Stuff this in your stocking, sister. [...]

Dec 20, 2010 at 4:20 pm rating: 0

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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Stuff this in your stocking, sister.

December 20th, 2009 · 131 comments

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