At college, more often than not, your sex life is everybody’s business. But don’t worry…it’s for your own good! For example, the writer of this first note (as spotted by Ashley at Missouri State) displays a heartwarming concern for her dorm-mate’s physical safety.
And as Vic and his friends at Arizona State’s Barrett Honors College discovered, a group calling themselves “the Gods of ASU” has even deeper concerns….the fate of your everlasting soul!!!
related: “I know that it’s really none of my business, but…I’m going to tell you what I think anyway.”
201 responses so far ↓
#1
park rose
I’ve got a righteous barette. Does that count?
Dec 22, 2009 at 8:43 pm rating: +13
#2
park rose
Ah, the Verve of it all.
Dec 22, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: +5
#3
Beanster
i think the heat of hell just adds to to intensity of my “love-making”. it’s really what i’m aiming for.
Dec 22, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: +17
#4
Palomon
I’ll have as much sex as I can get. Woefully less than what I’d want, but you know, either way, fuck you and your notes.
Dec 22, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: +29
#5
Palomon
Giving the devil his due, so to speak, the second note looks grammatically flawless, the font changes really do work to emphasize a point; even the emoticon, taken as punctuation, is well used.
I’ll have to re-think my position on pre-marital sex.
Or re-think my position on grammar and puctuation.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:09 pm rating: +19
#6
Julia
Sounds like some people are just jealous that they’re not getting any.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:15 pm rating: +19
#7
anglophile
If it’s a choice between freeze now or burn later, I’m picking the option which nets me the most sex.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: +49
#8
Palomon
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
H. L. Mencken
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:21 pm rating: +3
#9
pony girl
The writers of the second note may as well have lots of sex too, since they’re going to hell for calling themselves Gods.
Seriously, the gods of ASU? I want to enroll, just so I can fuck with them. What pretentious fucking assholes.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:39 pm rating: +13
#10
Critical Grass
Yeah… See, I don’t think “getting warm” is the main reason why people have sex. So you might wanna change your argument. And, maybe it’s just me, but you made hell sound a lot of fun. Don’t judge me, be righteous!
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:40 pm rating: +9
#11
pony girl
Why would they be embarrassed that people heard them?
Big whoop. I seriously don’t get why people are so uptight about that. Hell, make some popcorn, pull up a chair and listen away. I don’t care. Just no pictures please. and no autographs either.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:42 pm rating: +16
#12
Canthz_B
I think on the list of things that send you to Hell, calling yourself a God comes way before premarital sex.
Dec 22, 2009 at 9:43 pm rating: +29
#13
Hmmm
I can’t be the only person who read her phrase as, “Shut up, Clitists”?
And who are these “Clitists” anyway?
THAT would be an interesting god to worship…
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:09 pm rating: +5
#14
jetjackson
I wonder if a rusty trumbone was included in that devils orchestra…
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:29 pm rating: +20
#15
Canthz_B
Sex is embarrassing to this chick?
Guess who just lies there and gets fucked, only to feel used and dirty afterward?
But hey, the money is good!
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:33 pm rating: +9
#16
Canthz_B
Dear Heavenly Fathers,
I have striven mightily and done my utmost to be as righteous as any lay person can be.
Fortunately, not being a man of the cloth, celibacy is not something on my agenda.
PS, your girlfriends have needs…well, had needs.
Too blessed to be stressed,
Barrett
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm rating: +13
#17
Canthz_B
Who would have thought that polytheists are such dicks?
Dec 22, 2009 at 10:49 pm rating: +7
#18
President Benson
Yeah, the second note lost me at “nippy.”
The “Gods” are probably frowning because of all the impure thoughts.
Dec 22, 2009 at 11:57 pm rating: +3
#19
oi
What does it in the fine print under be righteous,barrett?
Dec 23, 2009 at 12:04 am rating: +1
#20
oi
We are already the intellectual elites on campus.
Let’s be the fucking elites as well.
Barrett Students,* the Gods of ASU Club
Dec 23, 2009 at 12:33 am rating: +6
#21
Matt
Why is Barrett winking at everyone? Hell
Oh so he was kidding!
Dec 23, 2009 at 1:21 am rating: +2
#22
Palomon
Dear Sincerly-
There was no boyfriend involved. That was all me-on-me action.
Oh yeah. I’m that good.
Therefore, not to worry about the whole protection thing. And you’re always welcome to join me.
Your Pal,
Rubinski
Dec 23, 2009 at 1:57 am rating: +22
#23
G.Pat
I would just like to offer my condolences to everyone who subscribes to the Gods of ASU’s way of thinking.
They are the only ones who give a rat’s what the note says anyway.
But re the first PA note – I must confess to being a fan of not hearing other people’s sex.
Dec 23, 2009 at 3:00 am rating: +4
#24
park rose
But the devil went down to Georgia. Must have taken a detour along the way.
Dec 23, 2009 at 4:14 am rating: +6
#25
park rose
Look, the God’s of ASU is obviously short for Gods Asunder – the old (not very good) KISS tune. It’s really a cunning ploy to get more nipply, virgin brides for their Satanic rituals. Be Righteous Barett is the head priest, and all his disciples are out there grooming, in the supposed name of purity, their innocent victims for the kind of violation that not even eek oddess could dream of .
Dec 23, 2009 at 4:31 am rating: +1
#26
itzpapalotl
Leave them alone Barrett! They were just trying to be fruitful! And doesn’t the bible also say, ” It is better for your seed to land in the belly of a whore than to fall on the ground’ ? They were just doing what they could with what they had!
Dec 23, 2009 at 4:47 am rating: +5
#27
unholyghost2003
To the recipient of the first note,
You are a screamer and you know it. Good for you. I just want to thank you on behalf of everyone on this floor who has an 8am final. You are very thoughtful having your loud sex in the middle of the afternoon instead of in the middle of the night when it might interfere with neighbors sleep or study, or worse start a very nasty hall wide competition.
Remember Wikipedia says not to flush your used condoms!
Dec 23, 2009 at 6:57 am rating: +9
#28
adam
Everyone knows that it’s common courtesy to use ball gags during the day, gosh!
Dec 23, 2009 at 7:31 am rating: +12
#29
French Horn
What instruments are in the devil’s orchestra?
Dec 23, 2009 at 8:05 am rating: 0
#30
shwonline
That’s the problem with the devil’s orchestra: Women like the long tuning-up, but men are all about the crescendo.
Dec 23, 2009 at 10:44 am rating: +6
#31
Kevin
Actually, “elitists” (at least of the cultural variety) are usually pro-sex and anti-religion. I love it when people misuse big words.
Dec 23, 2009 at 11:00 am rating: 0
#32
bliffit
More like Roman Polanski. I don’t think we have any evidence that Dubya is actually a carbon-based life form. All of the smart money is still on secret Muppet Labs project gone awry.
Dec 23, 2009 at 11:25 am rating: +6
#33
aaa
So they call themselves “the Gods of ASU” and don’t expect to feel the wrath of Christian God? Nice.
Even the priests at my Jesuit university don’t seem to give a shit whether you fuck somebody out of wedlock or not.
Dec 23, 2009 at 11:40 am rating: +4
#34
jason
of all of the stupid ideas that people have, the idea that college students should be embarrassed to have sex in the middle of the day or at any other time…
Dec 23, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: +1
#35
pony girl
Hi, my name is pony girl, and I like Comic Sans, and I like that song, and I like park rose, and I like Geek Goddess, and I like that Geek Goddess likes park rose.
I also like shamelessly loud sex in the afternoon.
and with all due respect to the aforementioned people, not necessarily in that order.
Dec 23, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: +6
#36
orion
I don’t know why anyone would take seriously a threat about hell.
I mean – if it comes to a choice between spending eternity with uptight righteous assholes like the note writer, or spending eternity with adulterers and fornicators, I know what choice I would make.
Dec 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm rating: +1
#37
pony girl
I am very curious about the thinking behind the capital E’s in the first note.
need, devils, someone, use, & protection all have lowercase e’s. The rest of the note, she (I’m assuming)uses capital E’s.
I neEd to know why.
Dec 23, 2009 at 6:20 pm rating: +1
#38
Beth
Did anybody else get the idea that the second item might have been more of a performance art piece?
I sure hope it is. (*shudders*)
Dec 24, 2009 at 4:43 pm rating: 0
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