“To the best of our knowledge,” writes our submitter from Raleigh, North Carolina, “the bottle in question is one of those $0.79 plastic Deer Park water bottles.” You know, the special kind carried in just about every gas station, 7-11, and grocery store in the state.
Moral of the story? Just another example of how taking it upon yourself to clean out the ol’ office fridge can OMG KILL PEOPLE.
related: Your BBQ = 9/11
Tags: cry me a freaking river · guilt trip · North Carolina · office fridge
As this note from Columbus, Ohio demonstrates, ’tis the season to be hilariously self-righteous!
![Dear Sir (or Madam), While taking things that do not belong to you, at any point in the year, is highly unacceptable, doing so during the Christmas season is far more dissapointing [sic]. I mean, what if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus? You would have ruined the whole holiday instead of just mine by taking my delicious Lean Cuisines (yes plural). All I can say is that you have now doomed yourself to at best a lump of cole [sic] + at worst Salmonella! Happy Holidays, Theif [sic]!!](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2520/4187635257_2cf1346354.jpg "Dear Sir (or Madam), While taking things that do not belong to you, at any point in the year, is highly unacceptable, doing so during the Christmas season is far more dissapointing [sic]. I mean, what if someone like you had stolen Baby Jesus? You would have ruined the whole holiday instead of just mine by taking my delicious Lean Cuisines (yes plural). All I can say is that you have now doomed yourself to at best a lump of cole [sic] + at worst Salmonella! Happy Holidays, Theif [sic]!!")
related: All I want for Christmas
extra credit: Baby Jesus Theft [Wikipedia]
Roundup of stolen Baby Jesus reports [Wonkette]
Baby Jesus found! [FOUND Magazine]
Tags: Christmas · Columbus · holiday spirit · i before e · Jesus · office fridge · rhetorical question · spelling and grammar police · stealing · TL;DR
Writes Josh in St. Louis: “In our university’s paper, during the first semester, parents can send in notes for their kids away at college to read. Most parents put something sweet, happy, and uplifting — ‘We love you, good luck, hope you’re well,’ that kind of thing.” Josh’s parents, meanwhile…
related: No money, no trophy
Tags: college life · Moms & Dads · money · newspaper · public shaming · pure poetry · St. Louis
“Oh boy,” thought Emily in New York, when she saw this mini-drama unfold on her newsfeed. “I can’t even imagine; if my dad found out that I was engaged via Facebook, there would be hell to pay.” (Luckily, she says, “my dad has no idea how to use Facebook, or as he calls it, ‘the Face Space.’”)
Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Austin, “I knew my brother and sister-in-law were debating another baby, and I was quite aggravated to think this is how I was going to find out.” But instead…
related: Why you really shouldn’t be facebook friends with your parents
Tags: Facebook · family · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't
“Our office manager was upset that people weren’t responding promptly enough to the Christmas party invitation,” says our submitter in San Diego.
In keeping with the holiday spirit of things, the office manager apparently channeled that anger into the posting of this (uncredited) About.com excerpt in the office kitchen, for the edification of all. How that’s for savoir faire?
related: An evening of congenial abnormality
Tags: Christmas · etiquette · it's my party · obnoxious definition · office · party planning committee · San Diego
Sure, we’ve seen notices like this one before…although they’re usually from parts of the world with much more questionable plumbing than you’d find (as Jason did) in Northern Virginia.
But this doozy, spotted by Dana at a local coffee shop in Canada, is a first.
related: Comrades, take notice!
Tags: and that's an order · big brother-ish · now that's management · toilet
Sarah in London found this note — and the cheeky response — posted in the lobby of her former apartment building.
“Entry to the flats is by way of a concrete outside walkway,” she explains. “Unfortunately, if someone has noisy heels, the sound tends to reverberate throughout the building.”
![When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered. [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3461/3246214695_3a43397b86.jpg "When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered. [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents")
Of course, the above complainer isn’t the only person who has a problem with stilettos…a.k.a. “fucking shoes”?
related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire
Tags: door-slamming · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · London · neighbors · noise · rainbow-colored · shoes · signed with love · smartass · that's disrespectful
Writes our anonymous submitter: “I don’t know who Bob Mess is, but I’ll be sure to summon him next time I pass by his office.” (Perhaps he was out commiserating with Anytime Stan?)
Of course, not everyone in the office has a handy summoning button like Bob Mess.
related: going up?
