Entries from December 2009

Facebook familial faux pas

December 14th, 2009 · 164 Comments

“Oh boy,” thought Emily in New York, when she saw this mini-drama unfold on her newsfeed. “I can’t even imagine; if my dad found out that I was engaged via Facebook, there would be hell to pay.”  (Luckily, she says, “my dad has no idea how to use Facebook, or as he calls it, ‘the Face Space.’”)

Facebook filial faux pas

Meanwhile, writes our submitter in Austin, “I knew my brother and sister-in-law were debating another baby, and I was quite aggravated to think this is how I was going to find out.” But instead…

Facebook familial faux pas

related: Why you really shouldn’t be facebook friends with your parents

Tags: Facebook · family · Moms & Dads · oh no you didn't

RSV-f’ing-P. Comprenez-vous?

December 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

“Our office manager was upset that people weren’t responding promptly enough to the Christmas party invitation,” says our submitter in San Diego.

In keeping with the holiday spirit of things, the office manager  apparently channeled that anger into the posting of this (uncredited) About.com excerpt in the office kitchen, for the edification of all. How that’s for savoir faire?

The term RSVP comes from the French expression "répondez s'il vous plaît", meaning "please respond". If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party. It does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression "regrets only" is reserved for that instance). It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation.

related: An evening of congenial abnormality

Tags: Christmas · etiquette · it's my party · obnoxious definition · office · party planning committee · San Diego

This time, management has gone too far.

December 10th, 2009 · 192 Comments

Sure, we’ve seen notices like this one before…although they’re usually from parts of the world with much more questionable plumbing than you’d find (as Jason did) in Northern Virginia.

PER MANAGEMENT NO NUMBER 2 ONLY NUMBR 1 NO EXCEPTIONS

But this doozy, spotted by Dana at a local coffee shop in Canada, is a first.

All MALES using this toilet must sit. Standing is not an option.

related: Comrades, take notice!

Tags: and that's an order · big brother-ish · now that's management · toilet

Do these stilettos match my broomstick?

December 9th, 2009 · 262 Comments

Sarah in London found this note — and the cheeky response — posted in the lobby of her former apartment building.

“Entry to the flats is by way of a concrete outside walkway,” she explains. “Unfortunately, if someone has noisy heels, the sound tends to reverberate throughout the building.”

When you come home in the early hours of the morning (2:45 am) can you please NOT make so much noise going down the main balcony with your stilettos and then slamming your street door. The problem with living in a block of flats is that you have neighbours that should be considered.  [response] Dear Complainer, We sincerely apologise for not being able to hover across the balcony in our very noisy stilettos. We will in future attempt to be home at 2:44 and if late fly across the main landing or teleport into our flat. Lovingly, Bramber residents

Of course, the above complainer isn’t the only person who has a problem with stilettos…a.k.a. “fucking shoes”?

STOP PLEASE NO Fucking Shoes or Heels In My House! Or Leave! I don't care who you are!! Have some respect for My House Damnit! What!!! Say Some thing!! Thank you!!! :)

related: The two-word compromise you’re looking for: zip wire

Tags: door-slamming · excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · London · neighbors · noise · rainbow-colored · shoes · signed with love · smartass · that's disrespectful

You don’t mess with Bob Mess.

December 8th, 2009 · 117 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “I don’t know who Bob Mess is, but I’ll be sure to summon him next time I pass by his office.” (Perhaps he was out commiserating with Anytime Stan?)

If you are looking for BOB MESS and see the "BOB IS OUT" sign on his door it means that Bob Mess is OUT of HIS OFFICE KNOCKING ON HIS DOOR WILL NOT HELP. Use button on left to summon Bob Mess.

Of course, not everyone in the office has a handy summoning button like Bob Mess.

We don't exist on Wednesdays! No!

related: going up?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · go away · knocking

Escape poodle

December 7th, 2009 · 219 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Canada says his apartment building has been having some crime issues lately that has the residents all aflutter — resulting (according to the following note) in a modern-day witch hunt…Canadian-style!

Just because I have a lot of tattoos doesn't mean I'm a drug dealer!

Jay darling, I think everybody in your building owes you a big fat hug.

related: On jamming

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Canada · CAPS LOCK · drugs · malapropisms · neighbors

Raging against the pinball machine

December 6th, 2009 · 123 Comments

A parable of the state of the “hot dot-com” workplace in 2009: The story goes, according to our anonymous submitter in California:

Some executive-level person decided to put a pinball machine into our break area. After several months, someone must have complained about the noise, because a note went up telling us it was not to be played. When some employees decided to play the machine at 7 AM (assuming nobody in the building was in), the note was replaced by a new (more specific) note.

Pinball Machine is NOT to be played at any time. Thank you!

After that, “the machine was unplugged and left to gather dust,” our submitter says…and to silently taunt all of the office’s embittered would-be pinball wizards. Until, one day…multiball!

The Pinball Machine is SOLELY TO BE LOOKED AT. And also to post notes on Not to play pinball.

related: “Popcorn Thursday”

Tags: California · note wars · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals

Deny a man his web comics? How dare you.

December 3rd, 2009 · 218 Comments

Heather in Indianapolis is the kind of gal who helps out a pal who’s down on his luck. So when her marginally employed friend needed a place to crash while he got back on his feet, she let Greg live in her house and help himself to her food and other belongings, like her laptop, “pretty much rent-free,” for three months.

One day, after several hours spent trying to get rid of all the spyware on her computer  — thanks to all the porn sites she found in the browser history — she turned on parental controls. (A lil’ passive-aggressive? Maybe.) Then, when she forgot to log off one day, Greg removed them.

When Heather figured this out (after being bombarded by spyware once again) she added the parental controls back. And Greg — instead of saying something like, “Hey, did you realize those settings block stuff like Google and Careerbuilder?” — left her this charming note.

“According to this note,” Heather says, “in addition to all the horrible things I’ve done such as give him a place to live, let him eat my food, give him breaks on rent for months at a time and put up with his laziness, carelessness and filth, I have also DENIED HIM A SOCIAL LIFE! OMG!”

Deny a man his web comics? How dare you.

UPDATE: The back of the note!

In other words, you suck, and i should probably move out anyway!

Shoshana, it looks like you have some competition.

related: WoW, indeed.

Tags: frenemies · guilt trip · Indianapolis · martyr complex · moving/not moving · not cool · p.s. · roommates

Euphemisms of disturb

December 2nd, 2009 · 335 Comments

Our submitter in Dublin, California was leaving her apartment for work one morning when she found this syntactically-challenged note stuck to the door. “I assume my anonymous complaining neighbor has the wrong apartment number because A) My husband and I do not have children and B) For all but one of the dates listed no one was home to make any noise.”

She adds: ” We do, however, have other neighbors next door who are quite loud, and I’ve often been woken up to the sounds of moans, grunts and something heavy slamming into an adjoining wall.” (You know, just like that part in Big where they play pinball and jump on the trampoline!)

“When my husband saw this he laughed pretty hard and wondered aloud weather ‘kids jumping on the bed‘ was a euphemism for loud sex.”

euphemisms of disturb

related: Down and dirty down under (dear)

Tags: California · neighbors · noise · sex sex sex · spelling and grammar police

What say you, Emily Post?

December 1st, 2009 · 140 Comments

As an early holiday gift to you, I present the current leading candidate in the race for “douchecanoe of the year”…

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

UPDATE: Our anonymous tipster passes along this follow-up status update, adding, “The best part about this situation is that, by posting her latest status update, she just encouraged more people to come see how rude and greedy she is!”

Shoshana will be accepting wedding gifts from those 'friends' who didn't give us anything the first time round. Don't say you're giving us the gift of friendship because that is so lame. Honestly. Get on our gift registry and get us something!! Or some cash would be nice :)

related: Facebook wedding drama

extra credit: DISLIKE!

Tags: etiquette · Facebook · most popular notes of 2009 · smiley · weddings and bridezillas