Entries from January 2010

When parking gets political

January 31st, 2010 · 202 Comments

One day, Mike in Seattle pulled into his section of the parking garage, where there were dozens of open spaces that never fill up. “Rather than doing a 12-point turn to get right next to a concrete column, I just pulled in and called it good enough. Apparently I had been taking liberties with Mother Earth that day or something, as I was later blessed with this gem tucked under my wiper blade.”

Hey, you selfish asshole (probably a republican) nobody else has a problem taking only one space. I'll have you towed next time.

Trix says her Dad spotted this variation on the same theme while strolling through Portland, Oregon — “a well-known haven for parking-space-hugging liberals.”

YOUR VEHICLE OCCUPIES TWO PARKING SPACES. YOU MUST BE SPECIAL...OR REPUBLICAN.

And of course, the irrational assumptions go both ways. Amber in Whitinsville, Mass. — who happens to be gainfully employed, thankyouverymuch — found this under her windshield wiper one day.

With a crap car like yours, you need one more Democrat social program to help you. so, this GOP'er, who works for a living is helping you out...guess I should pay more taxes! =)

Lara in Arlington, Virginia bore the brunt of an even more retrograde brand of passive-aggressive paternalism when she committed the sin of parking a smidge over the yellow line.

Did you even look at your after you parked it. Seriously, shame on your husband for letting you drive b/c its obvious that you are a woman. Do better next time pumpkin!

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Tags: a little patronizing · car · casual sexism · most popular notes of 2010 · parking · politics

Well, looks like somebody dodged a bullet.

January 29th, 2010 · 101 Comments

Diaries, people. Pen and ink. Lock and key. Not on the Internet for everyone to see (and cringe over)!

M- Realized that if she was still getting married oct 3rd she would be in panic mode since her wedding dress she ordered back in june has not arrived yet. So thank you tim for calling off the wedding cuz I would seriously be freaking out right now! Life is awesome :o)

related: dirty, dirty bridesmaids

Tags: ex drama · Facebook · smiley · weddings and bridezillas

Just in case you haven’t gotten your daily fix of working-mom guilt…

January 28th, 2010 · 218 Comments

“During the past few weeks, our  preschool-aged son has been trying to play games that are too violent for his classmates,” Juli says. “We’ve been trying to work on the problem with the teacher, but each morning’s drop-off has become a guilt and angst-filled time for me, in part because I can tell the teacher is trying to be nice but is so obviously annoyed by my child that I can’t control!”

(No need for siding with “team preschool teacher” or “team mom,” here — this kind of relationship is just emotionally fraught no matter how you slice it.)

Eric and his friends had fun playing zookeeper outside today!

And of course, the guilt doesn’t stop there. Jennifer in St. Cloud, Minnesota, found this note in her son’s lunchbox (along with most of a ham sandwich).

The Montessori Method of Passive-Aggression

related: This is all about the childern.

Tags: guilt trip · kids · Moms & Dads · smiley

Starve on!

January 27th, 2010 · 139 Comments

Explains our submitter in New York: “This note is the result of a less-than-enthusiastic holiday food drive. Our office is a gray, lifeless place — what can one expect?”

(I don’t know…maybe some munchkins now and then?)

We would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who participated in the 2009 Food Drive.  We collected 75 pounds less than the 100 pounds of food required for pick up but I am sure that it will be greatly appreciated by those affected by homelessness, job losses and the elderly. There are three items which are not acceptable donation items.  They have been placed on the table.  Please check if they are from your donation and retrieve them.

related: But what about Hawaiian Shirt Day?

Tags: all-staff e-mail · guilt trip · office · thanks (but not really)

Theo(logical) fallacy

January 26th, 2010 · 185 Comments

Joel in Glendale, California was raised in a religious Christian family, and apparently someone let it slip to his grandmother (bless her heart!) that he’s — gasp!— an atheist. Aaaaand…let the backhanded compliments begin!

Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you're an athesis [sic]. I don't believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.

Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you’re an athesis [sic]. I don’t believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Adds Joel: “I’d like to point out that she mailed me this check for $20 after I asked her not to send me money and she promised she wouldn’t. Lying isn’t very Christian, Grandma!”

related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

Tags: a little patronizing · family · Grandma · Jesus · old folks

The Munchkins are restless.

January 25th, 2010 · 96 Comments

“Our department head thought we should be be bringing in doughnuts more often,” says our anonymous submitter in Illinois. One of the department’s “severely underpaid” underlings, meanwhile, thought otherwise.

...If we were paid COMPETATIVE [sic] WAGES We could afford doughnuts!

UPDATE: For those of you asking “But where’s the ridiculous clip art?!” I bring you this rather dashing toreador/sheriff (as spotted by Mel in the break room of her Ithaca, New York office).

While Mel doesn’t disagree with the sentiment behind the note, “It’s a bit off-putting to be presumed guilty of theft before the fact,” she says. “Also, there seems to be a degree of randomness to the number of exclamation points at the end of each line.” (And of course, that dandy of a sheriff.)

PUT THE DONUT DOWN, AND STEP AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!!

related: Straight out of the Michael Scott Playbook

Tags: bold underlined italics · bullet points · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · food · Illinois · now that's management · office · raging against the machine · rebuttals · spelling and grammar police

A foreign policy allegory?

January 24th, 2010 · 86 Comments

The long arm of Uncle Sam has extended all the way up to this roommate squabble in Peterborough, Ontario.

“The note on the right,” our submitter says, “is is written by a roommate who (as you can see) does not recognize the hypocrisy of calling someone out for being passive-aggressive in her own passive-aggressive note.”

Yo, Uncle Sam: Do not try to dictate my actions to me.

related: Are you proud to be an American?

Tags: Canada · Ontario · rebuttals · roommates · toilet

Dirty, dirty bridesmaids

January 21st, 2010 · 77 Comments

“I was forced to go wedding dress shopping with a total bridezilla I know,” writes our submitter in Fredericksburg, Virginia. “Another girl with us is also engaged to be married, and she wanted to try on dresses too. Bridezilla just smiled sweetly and pointed to the sign posted in the dressing room. Her exact words: ‘Sorry, only the bride is allowed, and today is my day.’”

There will be a $75 cleaning fee for wedding gowns being tried on by anyone other than the bride.

Apparently you’d better keep an eye on those shifty bridesmaids when they’re shopping for the bachelorette party, too. (Or else…cow them into submission with more threats of an unenforceable nature?)

Yeah, good luck with that

(Spotted by Molly at “Kitty House” boutique in Irvine, California.)

related: What say you, Emily Post?

Tags: California · stealing · Virginia · weddings and bridezillas · WTF?

The happiest place on Earth

January 20th, 2010 · 141 Comments

Josh (formerly of Abbotsford, B.C.) received this doozy of a postcard from his ex, completely out of the blue. “Apparently she wanted to let me know, after more than two years of separation and one year since the divorce was final, that she was really happy we’re not together,” Josh says.

(I’m gonna guess the feeling is mutual.)

Happy Holidays! So glad we're not together.

Adds Josh: “I too wondered why there was no postage mark from California, where the post card was supposedly mailed from. My ex lives in Olympia, Washington, so my guess is between Washington and B.C. there’s a lot of forgiveness.”

related: to have and to hold

Tags: Canada · Christmas · ex drama · heartwarming compassion · holiday spirit

An e-mail from my arteries

January 19th, 2010 · 66 Comments

Filching someone’s McDonald’s coupons…the “aggressive” flipside of the passive-aggressive offering of coupons for fitness DVDs?

“The person who sent this e-mail is actually a great and very well-liked individual at my place of work,” our submitter says. (Assuming, I guess, that one doesn’t come between him and his Egg McMuffins.)

I really have you have a great day...

related: sympathy for the devil

extra credit: Shaking things up at Dairy Queen

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Canada · ellipses-crazed · guilt trip · sarcasm · spelling and grammar police · stealing · thanks (but not really)