96 responses so far ↓

• #1   MAMARILLA2

  Lord honey, tater tots don’t make up for any thing. Ever.

  Jan 4, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 56  
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  • #1.1   Nick Noehm

    You sure? these are Anthrax-flavour! Mmm-mmm!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 4  
     

  • #1.2   Geek Goddess

    I want to know where you can buy the lard’n'honey tater tots, ‘Rilla.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:39 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #1.3   Canthz_B

    Those suckers are sweet, GG, and go down so easily too!

    They bee phat, Yo!!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:17 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #1.4   merkin4

    I once temped for a week in a potato processing plant in Twin Falls, Idaho.

    I haven’t eaten a Tot since. You can’t imagine the ungodly things they can do to a potato and still have it end up as a Tater Tot.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 11:19 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #1.5   Bethany

    Unless they are smothered in chili and covered with cheese — mmmm, chili-cheese tots!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 4:31 pm   rating: 5  
     
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• #2   AuntyBron

  How wrong you are Mama. I’ve been known to choose restaurants based on whether or not they serve tater tots.

  Jan 4, 2010 at 11:53 pm   rating: 14  
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  • #2.1   Fresca

    Oh, I’m right there with you. Falsified reports to a manager? No sir…..well, unless the reports were falsified to say that I don’t like tater tots. Because that myth can easily be remedied.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:24 am   rating: 6  
     
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• #3   Canthz_B

  I dunno, when I put Mr. and Mrs. Tater’s tots on my grill and let ‘em smoke low and slow for about six hours all was forgiven in short order.

  Bonus…they were never on my lawn again.

  Jan 4, 2010 at 11:59 pm   rating: 9  
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• #4   lolsuz

  This note is an apology; it’s the OPPOSITE of passive-aggressive. Why is it posted on PAN? Are submissions that slow lately?

  Anonymous Submitter (AKA Miss Prissy Pants) sounds like a real bitch to me. It wasn’t enough to say that he had been busted making false reports about her; she had to slam his physical appearance too? Who cares how much hair the guy has or how old he is? Someone really superficial and full of herself, that’s who. Dude was throwing his tater tots before swine.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 18  
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  • #4.1   Canthz_B

    Damned new year resolutions.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:02 am   rating: 11  
     

  • #4.2   Nick Noehm

    You’ll hurt yourself, CB.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:14 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #4.3   Canthz_B

    Checking my sphygmomanometer now, Nick.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:18 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.4   infant tyrone

    CB,
    Be strong, young Zeus !

    But if you decide to BBQ, I’ll bring the beer…

    Just curious, does this sound like a slightly older version of “J???” ?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.5   Canthz_B

    No, I’ll not have roast pigeon this night.

    But the game’s afoot!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:29 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #4.6   park rose

    How’s the comb-over going, lolsuz? Still in fashion your part of the world?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 34  
     

  • #4.7   Canthz_B

    And so it begins.

    Were I a pigeon, I’d take wing. I wonder what kind of cock this bird chooses to be? A cuckold, perhaps?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.8   lolsuz

    Comb-overs aren’t in fashion anywhere + ‘suz’ is short for Suzanne = park rose cleverness fail.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:09 am   rating: 4  
     

  • #4.9   Canthz_B

    So, the cock is a hen, no wonder an egg was laid.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:13 am   rating: 20  
     

  • #4.10   Geek Goddess

    Sorry that I forgot your birthday, darling, and that I have been hanging around with that skank who lives in the room about the local bar, and that I blew the car payment at the casino last weekend. Here’s a couple of not-quite wilted roses that I picked up at the gas station on the way home. If you wake up in time in the morning to see this note, you should be able to get them into some water before they die. Maybe you could cook up a nice dinner for the two of us tomorrow night, and I can cook up my specialty for afterwards, if you know what I mean! x o x o x o

    And he wonders why all his clothes are scattered across the lawn when he comes back. He didn’t realize that an apology needs to be, you know, an actual apology.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:46 am   rating: 27  
     

  • #4.11   park rose

    Sorry, Suz. The chemo treating you well, then?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:54 am   rating: 12  
     

  • #4.12   lolsuz

    It wasn’t chemo, it was the nuclear fallout wot done my hair in. I’m making the most of it, though, enjoying the downhill fallout skiing. Gotta love nuclear winter sports.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:12 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.13   park rose

    I hear curling’s a big attraction.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:24 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #4.14   Canthz_B

    Curling’s a thrilling sport.
    They’ll have it again in the next Winter Olympics.
    Too bad lulsuz won’t be there, the venue requires formal attire, and she can’t find hirsute.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:36 am   rating: 13  
     

  • #4.15   anglophile

    Comb-overs aren’t just for men. I had one in 6th grade, to hide my bald spot.

    I was under a lot of stress, ok?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 8:44 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.16   lolsuz

    I could just cease shaving now and I’d be plenty furry in time for the next Winter Olympics; being a SubGenius, I’m half Yeti anyway.

    Do you have to use a regulation broom to curl in the Winter Olympics, or could I use the one I rode in on?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 8:53 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #4.17   RP

    It’s only the opposite of passive-aggressive if it’s sincere.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  
     

  • #4.18   park rose

    Sub-genius – a half-wit? Comb now, don’t be so hard on yourself, suz. I guess the jokes are getting a bit abominable now, yet-I can’t help finding them funny.

    B.Y.B. is fine by me.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:14 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #4.19   lolsuz

    I’m sorry park rose, I assumed someone as witty as yourself would be familiar with the Church of the Subgenius; heck, I think you may be one and just not realize it…. http://www.subgenius.com/

    Both the yeti thing and the Nuclear Winter Olympic thing are SubG references, btw.

    The puns have been hairlarious, I agree.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:57 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #4.20   lolsuz

    Actually, this might be a better link: http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet.html
    Navigating through the series of pages will give you a pretty good idea of what the Church is all about. Even though it’s still a big ole tangle of gobbledy-gook!

    And RP, the Tater-Tot-Peace-Treaty of 2009 does not appear to be insincere; only lame and an inadequate offering in light of the seriousness of his offense- to that point he’s actually trying to make it seem like no big deal by saying “a BIT of a jerk”. I made no statement about that at all about him, by the way; I only stated that the submitter of this note is a bitch for dragging in the guy’s less-than-studly appearance when it has no bearing on the matter at hand. My single point is that making shitty little quips about the guy’s appearance is shallow, bitchy, and is actually the only thing approaching passive aggressive about this post. The note itself is in no way passive aggressive- you can rightfully say it’s lame, inadequate, trying to minimalize the harm he could have caused her, or whatever, but it’s in no way passive aggressive.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 10:15 am   rating: 0  
     

  • #4.21   Wade

    Query: what in the background or note leads you to believe that a woman submitted the note, lolsuz?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 11:17 am   rating: 7  
     

  • #4.22   oi

    Exactly! and until now I was blaming work leaving me only time to glance at it. I must have missed the reference to gender.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.23   mystic_eye_cda

    Guys don’t give other guys tater tots!

    

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:09 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #4.24   Wade

    Perhaps the fellow offering the tots is a Norwegian Batchelor Farmer. It is, after all, Minnesota.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:18 pm   rating: 7  
     

  • #4.25   anglophile

    I think the odds are better than even that he garnished the tater tots with some bodily fluid, in a passive-aggressive way.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:55 pm   rating: 10  
     

  • #4.26   lolsuz

    Good catch, Wade, and I could be entirely wrong in assuming Anon is female.

    My assumption was based on the tendency in people to be more understanding and forgiving of people they find attractive (granted, forgiving someone for lying about you to try to get you fired is no small order, and even less something facilitated by a gift of cold tater tots). Likewise, people tend to be more intolerant and suspicious of those they find unattractive. Psychologists call it pretty preference and it’s been documented even in pre-school age children. (A very interesting study, if you’re into test design.) This brings me to the assumption that Anon is most likely either female or gay. It’s more statistically likely that Anon is a woman just from the simple fact that there are significantly more straight women in the world than gay men. Add that to a description that plain SOUNDS like stereotypical female cattiness, and my assumption is is in place. Not airtight and yes I could be wrong, but it’s a reasonable assumption given what we have to go on. These are total generalizations but they’re based experience. To that point: did anyone here in fact assume that Anon is a man? Every post that includes a personal pronoun here says “she”. (Although park rose made a post mentioning balding twats and Brazilians, which could be a reference to UK slang for a balding idiot, or depilitated pussy?) I’ll be the first to point out that my first post, in which I labeled Anon “she”, was early enough in the thread that many would have seen it and perhaps been influenced by it before posting themselves.

    The balding and age are described in disparaging terms; something that would only be mentioned by someone with a “dog in the race” regarding attraction/non attraction. A straight man wouldn’t be offended enough by either to mention something so mundane, certainly not in such disparaging a tone, and certainly not when there’s more important features to describe here like the guy’s lying to management to get the Anon fired. Can you picture a straight man saying, “Honey, you’ll never believe what happened at work today- Bob took full credit for the project we were working on together… and you should have SEEN the hideous shirt he was wearing!!!”? It’s not very likely.

    Plus, mystic eye has a good point: men don’t give men tots!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.27   hir

    I believe the point of describing the tot-giver was to point out that he is not 5 (which might make the gift of tots appropriate) but 40 (which makes the gift creepy). I mean, who eats a gift of food offered by someone who has gone out of their way to mess with you before. Don’t trust the tots! They were probably peed on or something.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 3:52 pm   rating: 15  
     

  • #4.28   Sirius¤

    Lolsux,

    Your reasoning is very sound, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 4:17 pm   rating: 8  
     

  • #4.29   infant tyrone

    @4.26
    No squab-ble w/ your analysis,
    but you might try tightening up on the length.
    Changing ‘depilitated’ to ‘depilated’ would be a start.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 5:05 pm   rating: 3  
     

  • #4.30   park rose

    I think she’s female because I’ve got a feeling that a guy wouldn’t write “a 40 year old male”. Maybe “a balding 40 year old prick”, or a nicer euphemism (yes, Wade, I know it’s a tautology – kind of). The “male” is kind of redundant in that sentence, too, as suz has pointed out. It seems that as attention is being brought to the gender, I’d hazard a guess a non-balding female wrote it. I’m running with gg’s summary of just how good an apology note it was, though.

    Oh, and suz, no, not familiar. Nor with Buddy Christ. No need to explain, Dogma fans, really.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 5:11 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.31   park rose

    Suz’s argument reads a bit like Adam’s argument on justifying cheating a few entries back.

    Adam, are you moonlighting?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 5:15 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #4.32   Nick Noehm

    Dom-genius Rose spanks sub-genius Suz!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 5:33 pm   rating: 7  
     

  • #4.33   lolsuz

    The Uban Dictionary defines verbal diarrhea as “A condition suffered by an individual who has the inablility to shut the fuck up, e.i. the words keep flowing.”

    You think I’m bad here, you should hear my internal dialogue. On second thought, just be glad you can’t.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 8:19 pm   rating: 0  
     

  • #4.34   Wordtinker doesnt smith

    Did you miss the obvious? “(a balding 40 year – old male)” and “I do not work in an establishment that serves tater tots,” are euphemisms for “guy is a real fucking moron who should be forced to wear the unitard while dancing with THX Sandra”

    Jan 5, 2010 at 8:37 pm   rating: 5  
     

  • #4.35   Crystal

    http://actinglikeanimals.com/2009/11/29/youre-fired/

    Speaking of comb-over…

    Jan 5, 2010 at 11:58 pm   rating: 1  
     
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• #5   Palomon

  I just read the intro. I take it all back. Messing with someone’s career is pretty crappy.

  Team Not Tater Tot Creep.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 4  
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• #6   Canthz_B

  Well gee, overly processed, deep-fried food in an environmentally destructive Styrofoam container.

  My arteries thank you…the planet thanks you.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:14 am   rating: 4  
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• #7   Palomon

  Seemed like a cute apology until I re-read the intro. A grown man lying to the boss is pretty low.
  If it was me, I’d refuse the tots, but reluctantly.

  Because apology tots are fucking delicious.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:14 am   rating: 10  
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• #8   Canthz_B

  Yeah, because:
  “I nearly cost this woman her job with my lies. What can I ever do to make it up to her to show how sincerely sorry I am? I KNOW!! TATER TOTS!!!”
  Just wasn’t getting it for me.

  Don’t know why I assumed submitter was a woman. Minneapolis just makes me think Mary Tyler Moore. Tater tots apologies make me think Ted Baxter.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 1  
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• #9   Flaboy2425

  For me, the tots would only add insult to insult.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 10  
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  • #9.1   Janey

    I agree! I really hate tater tots.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:17 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #10   Sandi

  I think she should reciprocate with a bag of Pork Rinds and tell him… “Thanks for the cold tots… I saw these and they made me think of you.”

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 20  
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  • #10.1   Renagade676

    I wouldn’t.

    Tater tots=like
    Pork rinds=love
    Reeses peanut butter cups=lust

    Don’t get your signals crossed!

    Jan 7, 2010 at 3:39 am   rating: 1  
     
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• #11   Canthz_B

  If this guy thinks lying to management about a coworker is being “a bit of a jerk”, I shudder to think what he does when he’s “being a real jerk”.
  Probably craps in the fitting rooms in department stores and in post office lobby trash cans.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:57 am   rating: 13  
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• #12   Mel K

  Can we get an update?

  I want to know if the tater tots were still frozen or thawed for her convenience.

  Did she have to take them home and get the inside of her purse all wet?

  That’s passive aggressive, right?

  Jan 5, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 2  
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  • #12.1   Canthz_B

    Yes.
    No.
    No.
    No. (edits, we can all do ‘em )

    Now you can write that term paper, but I’d suggest really wide spacing, a long introduction and a very detailed conclusion.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:28 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #12.2   Mel K

    it’s like you can see me typing with my index fingers.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:40 am   rating: 8  
     

  • #12.3   Geek Goddess

    He can. You should close the blinds.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:48 am   rating: 11  
     

  • #12.4   Jonathan

    No! The cat in the bush wants to watch this moment of disturb.

    *engages binoclears*

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:55 am   rating: 4  
     

  • #12.5   Canthz_B

    Are those new contact lenses?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:58 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #12.6   Canthz_B

    Mel K, I was just looking for my cat.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:12 am   rating: 3  
     

  • #12.7   Jonathan

    No, just happy to see you.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 3:51 am   rating: 0  
     
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• #13   Adam

  I used to like tater tots back in my elementary school, middle school days. Once I got to college tho, the whenever the dining hall made tots instead of fries I would be sad. Not sure when the change happen. Maybe they just had really good fries. Yea, that’s it.

  Good Fries.

  Good Night.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 1:53 am   rating: 6  
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  • #13.1   anglophile

    It’s ok, Adam. It happens to us all eventually. One day we wake up and realize we are grown now, and need to put our tater tots, our teddy, and our juice boxes behind us.

    It’s ok. On the bright side, now you can have beer.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 8:42 am   rating: 6  
     

  • #13.2   aaa

    Real adults still love tater tots. But real adults drink absinthe with their tots instead of a pussy-ass beverage like beer.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 11:12 am   rating: 5  
     

  • #13.3   anglophile

    Absinthe, aaa? Wow.

    You weren’t even pinging on my hipster-radar. You’re stealthy, aren’t you?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 5  
     

  • #13.4   aaa

    Yeah, I’m only hipster in spurts. I put too little thought into my outfits and am a little too fond of death metal and Star Trek to be a true hipster. I do wear sweaters, though. :O

    Jan 5, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 2  
     

  • #13.5   park rose

    She’s a hipster in spirits.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 4  
     

  • #13.6   infant tyrone

    Careful, though,
    don’t get too close in a crowded room,
    since everybody knows that
    ABSINTHE

    Jan 6, 2010 at 1:54 am   rating: 1  
     
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• #14   Silence

  Ah, yes. Tater tots do SUCH a splendid job for compensation when some balding twat tries to get you fired.

  He could have at least gone for a food item which is still good after it cools off. Tater tots are an utter ruin once they get cold.

  Or, y’know, some booze would be fine, too.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 2:04 am   rating: 4  
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  • #14.1   Mel K

    A really sharp champagne would go well with the salty oiliness of the tater tot.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:10 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #14.2   park rose

    At least balding twats never have to pay for a brazilian.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:25 am   rating: 17  
     

  • #14.3   snarky

    Very true, more like pre-Columbian.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 7:18 am   rating: 2  
     

  • #14.4   Silence

    That depends on what kind of brazilian you’re talking about, park rose. For the kind of Brazilian I’m thinking of, this balding twat definitely had to pay.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:36 pm   rating: 3  
     

  • #14.5   MAMARILLA2

    So then they would have a comb under?

    Jan 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 5  
     

  • #14.6   infant tyrone

    rose,
    Don’t know whether that Brazilian’s one
    to wax poetic or wax rhapsodic.
    Perhaps etymology will shed some light on its roots.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 2  
     
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• #15   Wade

  I had no idea there was a Sonic® in Minneapolis.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 5:40 am   rating: 3  
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• #16   Critical Grass

  Sorry.
  I know I’ve been a bit of a jerk running around telling people you were into bestiality and stealing the company’s money…
  Here, have half of my KitKat bar, hope it makes up for my behavior.
  ps. May or may not have mentioned you’re the one clogging up the pipes with ‘big jobs’.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 8:05 am   rating: 17  
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• #17   The Gendarme

  Gimme yur tots!

  Jan 5, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 1  
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  • #17.1   park rose

    G’awn. Show us yer tots!

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 5  
     
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• #18   RP

  No way in Hell am I eating anything from someone who’s been trying to sabotage me. That guy must be nucking futs.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 4  
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  • #18.1   Oh Really

    That would be my reaction too. If you read between the lines it’s “well, trying to get you fired didn’t work, let’s see if some poisoned tater tots can get you out of my way.”

    Jan 5, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 6  
     
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• #19   Beanster

  look. i didn’t mean to lie. i really thought all those things were true. my cat came in and told me that while she was outside of your window she saw you hack in to the company’s online banking and siphon money into your account. after that she said you took off all your clothes and invited the HR guy over and did all sorts of nasty (sexual) things to him, and then did all sorts of nasty (less sexual) things to him. i’m sure there was more but i found little Taboo and she didn’t see any more. i know i shouldn’t have listened to kitty without questioning her story and then reported you. she’s actually a lying bitch and now the company has recommended therapy because i talk to my cat (or that my cat talks to me?). i’m sorry i took her word over yours. to punish her, i took away her favourite, tater tots, and brought them to you.

  ps. me and kitty are sill fighting.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 5  
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  • #19.1   Geek Goddess

    Okay, now I am confused. Is Taboo a bitch or a kitty? It is just too early in the morning for these complicated problems.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 10:16 am   rating: 1  
     

  • #19.2   MAMARILLA2

    Taboo is a bitch-kitty.. Who hates silly names.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 10:58 am   rating: 1  
     
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• #20   MAMARILLA2

  This all started when they moved his desk away from the window and changed all the office staplers.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 10:05 am   rating: 2  
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• #21   lady of the (currently frozen) lake

  I can’t help but think of how Napoleon Dynamite carried his tots around…wonder whether she opened the container to find tots covered in cheap suit pants fuzz.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  
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• #22   lady of the (currently frozen) lake

  And he thought a Hot Pocket was the perfect gift to give the woman he sexually harassed, ifyaknowhatimean…

  Jan 5, 2010 at 10:12 am   rating: 1  
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• #23   jaywalke

  Tater tots bear the burden of being a disappointing food saddled with a genius name. Who could live up to those expectations?

  See also: Blow-Pops.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 10:13 am   rating: 1  
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• #24   aaa

  Don’t really mean it
  Lame effort for the bosses
  Have some half-ass tots

  Jan 5, 2010 at 11:05 am   rating: 7  
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  • #24.1   MAMARILLA2

    Tot-haiku, too cool.
    So meaningless until read.
    Now I LOL.

    Jan 5, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 7  
     
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• #25   Corn.

  I would never eat “tater tots.” My food doesn’t require quotation marks.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  
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• #26   Escape Goat

  Thanks for the “tater tots.” Here’s some “flaming feces” in a “bag.”

  ___

  Don’t step on it with your boots, Ned.

  Don’t tell me my business, Devil Woman!

  Jan 5, 2010 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  
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• #27   BonzoGal

  Hater Tots!

  Jan 5, 2010 at 3:05 pm   rating: 4  
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• #28   Crystal

  We’ve been doing it wrong all along.
  All the world’s problems can be solved with a healthy serving of Tater Tots.

  Make tots, not war.

  Jan 5, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  
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  • #28.1   park rose

    Bad advice. Tots make war, yet pretend to be politicians. I think that’s the problem.

    Jan 6, 2010 at 3:55 am   rating: 2  
     
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