And you thought college students were foul…

January 10th, 2010 · 72 comments

“I live in a condominium building that is popular with the elderly,” writes our submitter from the Chicagoland area. Recently, he says, the building’s board of managers put copies of this note in everyone’s mailboxes and posted it in the lobby (so guests wouldn’t be spared the details, either.)

Adds our submitter: “I don’t know what’s more inappropriate: losing control of your bowels in the hallway or distributing this memo to all the residents.”

Someone has a serious bowel problem

Meanwhile in depressing economic news, Sara in Kansas City, Missouri says her company’s last Christmas party was held in — wait for it — the rec center of a local retirement home. Revelers who stopped by the restroom were greeted with this cheerful reminder of OMG SHOOT ME NOW.

After you rinse your dentures PLEASE rinse out sink

related: Dr. Freud’s Salon Scatologica

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Chicago · disturbingly detailed · old folks · shit · that's disgusting


72 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Woman on the Verge bang

    This is just like CSI! Just follow the diarrhea trail to nab the suspect. Of course, my best guess is that it will lead to a toilet somewhere… but you never know.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The trail petered out at the top of the stairs, guess the perp had a small lunch.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 3:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   jetjackson bang

      Maybe Hansel and Gretel ran out of bread crumbs…

      Jan 10, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   infant tyrone bang

      Or it was a more well off epicurean old-timer who preferred
      Fancy Feast (3.0 oz) to Friskies (5.5 oz).

      Jan 10, 2010 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   bowloftoast bang

      I suspect the Escape Goat.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 7:37 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Escape Goat

      Team Stair Shitter 4 Life

      Jan 10, 2010 at 7:50 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Canthz_B bang

      Too bad Basil Rathbone is dead.

      “And what did you find on the 3rd floor, Watson?”

      “No shit, Sherlock.”

      Jan 10, 2010 at 9:15 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Neeners

      Why couldn’t they have done some DNA testing of said material? If management isn’t smart enough to follow the trail to the defecator’s door then maybe they should seek new management.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 5:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   MAMARILLA2 bang

    We do not appreciate food particles and bits of Poly-grip in our sinks.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I think it must have been something along the lines of baby-bits or tufts of puppy fur caught in their dentures to inspire such a sign. (Gross? Yes. But when you consider what nursing home food is like, can you blame them for luring toddlers and pups in for a bite?)

      Jan 10, 2010 at 3:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   bright virago

    And you bleeding hearts didn’t want death panels. Well, see where that got you?

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:10 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   farcical aquatic ceremony

    If you hear the buzzard, please send him our way. Clearly, some of our residents are past their sell-by date.

    Board of Managers
    Chicagoland Condoplex

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:12 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Elle Gee

      that is way too funny…..btw are you referring to the buzzard that was in charge of the door a few threads back?????

      Jan 10, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   lady of the (currently frozen) lake

      @ Elle Gee
      Yep, making reference to awesome notes posted in the past is a cherished PAN tradition. The “escape goat” is another recent gem.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Woman on the Verge bang

    Both of those notes would be so much more PA if clipart was involved. Nothing says passive aggressive like clipart of shit and dentures.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Mike

      Where’s Thx Sandra when you need her?

      Jan 10, 2010 at 3:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   G.Pat bang

      Hahahah! For the first note I imagined the classic Word-clipart of the puzzled stick-figure man scratching his head.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 4:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   jbles

      Well, I thought the flower border on the second note, though not quite as potent as a good clipart, went a long way in making me rethink my decision to rinse the sink after cleaning my dentures. I mean, nothing says “Rinse!” like “Flowers!”

      …Right?

      Jan 10, 2010 at 7:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Escape Goat

      For note #1: How ’bout an ice-cream-swirl-esque image with vertical S-lines to signify warm odor rising form the stool?

      Jan 10, 2010 at 7:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Jody

      there is clipart of shit on Gmail. No joke.

      Jan 14, 2010 at 12:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Gunderson105

    When I read the Denture sign after the feces sign, I was left with a sh*t-eating grin.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Ew, Gunderson. Really. Ew.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   clumber

      Annnnnnd… by unanimous decision, Gunderson105 wins the Intertubes for the week! Congratulations!

      Jan 10, 2010 at 4:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   irishgawdess

    our local retirement center offers meeting rooms for community use… for free. that co. must be a) really hurting financially, or b) really freaking cheap!

    Jan 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Wade bang

    After surveying the stairwell, Anytime Stan walked quietly back to the elevator, pressed down, and walked off the job.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 4:19 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Critical Grass bang

    Of course someone left feces. What were they suppose to do? Take it with them? That’s gross!

    Jan 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   infant tyrone bang

      Clearly, according to the description of the deposit beginning in the stairway and continuing upstairs, the problem may be with oldsters coming back home from a lunch or dinner out.

      A small investment may help: a rack of plastic bags placed unobtrusively in the lobby, augmented by a collection of un-slotted spatulas, would make it possible for the unfortunate control-loser to “take **it with them”.

      They’ll still need an on-call carpet cleaner, but the spatula ‘n’ bag combo should improve the life quality of the BM’s (Board of Managers).

      Jan 10, 2010 at 6:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   jetjackson bang

      You mean like the dog poo bag dispensers they have at local parks.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 6:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Mel K

      Whoa!
      Think of the liability insurance that will be needed when grandpa slips a disk or injures his knee bending over to pick up his deposit.
      Note to self- check out Soylent Green from Netflix asap!

      Jan 10, 2010 at 7:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   infant tyrone bang

      Notes to self:
      1) Stock up on canned goods + dried foods.

      2) Wear Greatful Dead T-shirts lest someone think you’re a Mormon.

      3) Do not (under any circumstances) borrow Mel K’s meat grinder.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 8:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Mel K

      I’ll have you know I keep my “meat grinder” very clean. It’s the food dehydrator that is a little suspect.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   infant tyrone bang

      Mel,
      If you fry up the sausage “well done”,
      I’ll be happy to pass on the jerky.
      Who else needs to know, huh?
      Folks here are lookin’ fer a little adventure…
      why shouldn’t they have it?

      ty

      Jan 10, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Lori

    How sad – they forgot to wrap up with “Merry Christmas!” Is *nothing* sacred anymore?

    Jan 10, 2010 at 5:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mel K

      Yeah! Who’s to say it wasn’t Santa or the reindeer? I’ve seen Bob Dylan’s Must Be Santa video. Scary stuff

      Jan 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   park rose bang

      They thought it would bring up too many painful memories of that callous ditty, “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.” Have a heart.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 4:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Palomon bang

    Could someone be oblivious to his own turd running down his leg as he walks?
    The poor bastard may wear depends as it is. I wonder if he reads this sign and thinks, “Yeah, who keeps doing this? I keep coming home with his poop on my shoe.”

    Jan 10, 2010 at 6:48 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Neeners

      Poor Mr. Smith who suffers from Alzheimers, decided to attend the building’s Bingo/chili night in the rec room.

      He couldn’t figure out why he never had a single number blacked out on his card. And hey, who were all those tacky people hanging around in the first place?

      Slowly he made his way up to his second floor apartment in squishy pants, only to discover his dentures were missing when he got home.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 5:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Escape Goat

    Why did PAN pair these notes? Was there shit on the dentures?

    Jan 10, 2010 at 7:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      Someone had a shit-eating grin.

      DAMN! Just noticed SEG was used above. :oops:

      Jan 10, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

    Further investigation turned up a little old man staring into his toilet, valiantly trying to flush a Depend, whilst shitting in the trashcan.

    Team Keep the Choppers God Gave Ya.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    Good thing they described the exact locations in which the shit was found. We wouldn’t want to embarrass those who shit/shat in other areas of the building.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 8:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Neeners

      Isn’t this why they have security cameras? Put the shithead on camera and the offending excrement should cease. Although, if this is the third time????, maybe this person enjoys the possibility of getting caught.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Maui

      lol, most excellent comment.

      Jan 15, 2010 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    I can only hope this incident was properly documented, witness statements notarized and all was forwarded in triplicate to the people at the Guinness Book of World Records.

    Long distance crapping is an under-appreciated skill.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 8:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   park rose bang

      Yeah, if it were appreciated my mother’s telephone bill would lay testament to her expertise.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 3:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   stream of bat's piss

    just find the guy who went out for wibgs and beer the night before. problem solved

    Jan 10, 2010 at 9:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    After tracing the route backwards, it seems that some elderly person did pretty well before finally losing the battle on the second floor.

    The Board of Managers ought to reconsider that anonymous request that two Port-A-Potties be placed in the resident parking area.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Sparkles23 bang

      Pooper scoopers should be supplied in the umbrella holders.

      Jan 10, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Adam

    Wow, I wish I was Peter Pan.

    Jan 10, 2010 at 11:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      Is that what’s in those Peter Pan jars?

      Whew! Glad my mom always bought Skippy Crunchy-Style.
      She made sure her sons went to school with nuts.
      Even Skippy Smooth sounds a bit gay.

      I know choosy mothers choose Jiff, but that just always sounded too much like jizz to me to make an appetizing lunch.

      Gotta be careful what signals you send your sons, ladies.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 12:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Adam

      Ok, you’ve officially made me hungry for some peanut butter. Gonna spread some on bread with a glass of milk before bed.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 12:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Adam

      And for the record its Skippy Natural, Creamy style.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 12:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Canthz_B bang

      They weren’t called that in the 1960′s, Adam.

      I Know! Shocking news, but sometimes companies change the names of their products.
      Did you know that the Nestles 100 Grand Bar used to be called a $100,000.00 Bar? Or that for a time Hostess changed the name of Ding-Dongs to Ring Dongs (I guess someone didn’t like their daughters getting used to eating ding dongs)? Super Honey Crisp cereal was once Super Sugar Crisp, that is until someone said sugar was bad for us.

      I think they call it “Marketing”, Adam.
      That’s when they sell you the same old shit under a different name, or in a different package, or find a new use for an old product (see baking soda…no, we didn’t always buy an extra box to put in the fridge for a few months and then pour it down the drain for a fresh scent…suckers).
      Raise your hand if you drive a huge vehicle capable of off-road driving (and paid extra for that mother too) because you feel safer in it…even though you have never gone off-roading.
      Now, if you’ve ever been sitting in your coupe or sedan and thought, “Gee I’d like to drive up a mountain , through some mud and haul a load of lumber this weekend, but I can’t because of this car”, put your hand down…you’re excused. The rest are suckers.
      Mind your wants, because someone (on Madison Avenue) wants your mind.

      As you get older, you may not pay as much attention to peanut butter classifications…
      “Natural” is stupid, BTW, because peanut butter is not a natural state of the peanut…but they are crunchy sumbitches…for the record. ;-)

      Jan 11, 2010 at 12:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Adam

      Thanks, I didn’t know any of that…

      So tell me about walking uphill both ways to school in the 6 foot blizzards.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 1:24 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Canthz_B bang

      That was the 1930′s, Adam.

      We had “busing” by the 1970′s!!

      ♫ Movin’ in an’ aroun’ ya.
      Can’t you feel my breath?
      All up aroun’ yo’ neck! ♫

      “Chocolate City” was prophetic. Ali isn’t President, Aretha Franklin isn’t the First Lady at the White House today, but Barack and Michelle Obama have taken up residence!

      No worries…O.J.’s in prison. Not a bad trade. ;-)

      Jan 11, 2010 at 1:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    So, the “Adult Undergarments” sold in the No-Frills aisle aren’t as good as “Depends” then?

    Generic brands aren’t worth a crap!

    Jan 11, 2010 at 12:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   fan bang

      They are great, if you don’t have a pot to piss in.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 8:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   park rose bang

    I wonder who the residents are? It just came to mind that the Harlem Globetrotters don’t get older, they just keep dribbling shit. Foul!

    Jan 11, 2010 at 3:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Keith

    Is it human?

    24th December = Christmas Eve = possibility it came from Santa’s Reindeer

    Or even from Santa himself – all those mince pies that the kids put out for him

    And well done Mike @ #5.1 for the Thx Sandra – just what I was thinking

    Jan 11, 2010 at 3:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Escape Goat

      Just think of all the cookies that guy had been eating that night … ugh … and the milk. No wonder he was dropping finless trout dogs all over the floor.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 7:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Havingfitz

    It’s simple, really. Grandma got runover by a reindeer and lost control of her bodily functions.

    Jan 11, 2010 at 7:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Dani

    Thanks to the wonky typewriter, at first glance I thought this note was written on December 24, 2309. It sucks that bowel control hasn’t been mastered in the future. I bet they don’t have jet packs or flying cars either.

    Bastards.

    Jan 11, 2010 at 8:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Time to get your eyes checked, Dani… and until you do, stay out of the stairwells.

      Jan 11, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   jeanann

    Ain’t no party like my nana’s tea party!

    Jan 11, 2010 at 10:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Joe 2

    What? You never heard of “Poo Ascending A Staircase”?

    Jan 11, 2010 at 2:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Neeners

    What constitutes ‘a large amount’? Was it bigger than a loaf of bread but smaller than a vw bug?

    Just how much are we talking here? “Someone has a serious bowel problem”? How do you know it was a person? Now my dog can really let some loose…..

    What is even more disturbing, is that a ‘Board member’ had to clean it up. What is the world coming to?

    Jan 11, 2010 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   MW

    GET OFF MY LAWN OR I WILL POOP ON YOUR STAIRS.

    Jan 12, 2010 at 2:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   whispies

    I HAVE TO know what condo this is in Chicago (so I don’t move there)

    Jan 12, 2010 at 3:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   jjdonkey

    Tune in tomorrow…..WHEN THE DIARRHEA CONTINUES!

    Jan 13, 2010 at 2:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Jody

    On Christmas eve, no less!

    Jan 14, 2010 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   "Angulated Rectum Guy" vs. "The Queen of Diahrriah?" That's just [sic].

    [...] And you thought college students were foul [...]

    Jul 21, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Bad dog! Stop that! Right now! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: And you thought college students were foul… [...]

    Jun 16, 2011 at 4:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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