Sadly, not everyone shares Angela‘s compassion for the portly.
At Julie’s office in Alexandria, Virginia, one employee decided to formalize his or her grudge against artificial sweeteners (and us fatties who love them) with a little help from the reception desk label-maker. Protests Julie: “Hey, some of us just like our sucralose, okay? Or maybe we’re diabetic!”
(In one office break room in the Twin Cities, meanwhile, the sugar packets themselves do the talking…)
And across town at a different office in St. Paul, the office manager (“a fitness freak,” according to our submitter) takes the (relatively) constructive approach with her fellow employees — who are, our submitter agrees, “a bunch of lard-ass geeks who don’t exercise.” Um, thanks?
related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?
105 responses so far ↓
#1
Zewt
Maybe people don’t want to marinate their teeth in sugary coffee or tea? I personally can’t stand the mouth-feel of sugary drinks, regardless of their caloric content. Of course, I’m not petty enough to worry about what my coworkers should and should not be eating… just whether or not they’re working. Ha!
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:12 pm rating: 17
#2
plausibletheories
Use real birth control… if you know what’s good for you.
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:36 pm rating: 13
#3
MAMARILLA2
I think I rather miss the old sugar packets that used to say. “Eat out more often”
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:38 pm rating: 10
#4
MAMARILLA2
I’m not fat, I’m big boned…
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:39 pm rating: 5
#5
shwonline
How about a nice cup of SHUT THE F#CK UP instead?
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:43 pm rating: 17
#6
Wordtinker doesnt smith
I’m not diabetic – I just like overpriced packages that threaten me. (Surgeon General’s Warning: Sacharrine has been linked to cancer in lab rats.)
Jan 18, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 8
#7
Resident Grammarian esq
Wow that gym note was Equal parts contemptuous and helpful. Splenda!
Jan 18, 2010 at 10:09 pm rating: 34
#8
Wordtinker doesnt smith
If I knew what was good for me, why would I need you?
Jan 18, 2010 at 10:14 pm rating: 12
#9
oi
How about minding your own business instead?
Jan 18, 2010 at 10:28 pm rating: 1
#10
Canthz_B
“…if you know what’s good for you.”
I’ve always suspected that the Mafia was involved in the sugar trade.
This about confirms my suspicions.
Jan 18, 2010 at 10:30 pm rating: 18
#11
Canthz_B
America! The nation built upon the oversimplification of issues.
All three of these belong in the Smithsonian as fine examples of the continuity of our national identity.
Jan 18, 2010 at 10:37 pm rating: 6
#12
Canthz_B
What’s “good for you” mean?
In the past year I’ve been told to get as little sun as possible to avoid skin cancer, and at the same time to get more sun to avoid vitamin D deficiency.
Can’t I just try to stay in lightly shaded areas?
Jan 18, 2010 at 11:01 pm rating: 11
#13
Wordtinker doesnt smith
Milk – it does a body good – without the nasty side effect of skin cancer. Rickets may still be a problem, though.
Jan 18, 2010 at 11:10 pm rating: 2
#14
Hmmm
Please go to the gym.
Please? With *sugar* on top?
Jan 18, 2010 at 11:10 pm rating: 20
#15
Geek Goddess
I’d be more convinced about the artificial sweeteners if the people who used them were all skinny.
Jan 19, 2010 at 12:07 am rating: 7
#16
Susannie
Americans are quite obsessed with artificial sweeteners, which is somewhat ironic given the percentage of obesity over there..
Jan 19, 2010 at 3:15 am rating: 0
#17
Critical Grass
‘If you can‘?
I think I can, I think I can…
Jan 19, 2010 at 4:43 am rating: 0
#18
adam
People who drink coffee in general kinda irk me. Artificial sugar or not.
Jan 19, 2010 at 7:42 am rating: 1
#19
Woman on the Verge
Personally, I subscribe to the theory that by drinking an artificially sweetened drink with my Super Sized Big Mac and XL fries, the negative calories in the drink negate the calories in the food. And if you know what’s good for you, you will continue to allow me to believe this… because I may look nice, but I’m only artificially sweetened.
Jan 19, 2010 at 8:28 am rating: 15
#20
Meesh
I just think artificial sweeteners taste disgusting. I prefer real sugar in my tea. Plus, how many calories are you really saving? I know in my case those 200 or so calories aren’t going to make or break my day (it’s usually the trip to Taco Bell that does me in).
Jan 19, 2010 at 8:33 am rating: 3
#21
GhostWriter
“Go to the gym instead”??
Even moreso than Coffee-achievers, Nutrasweeties, Dumplings, Anorexies, Smokers, and Cubans (the real sugar purists), I do so hate those ham-headed jocks who think a Gym is the only place to exercise.
Ham heads!
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:01 am rating: 6
#22
BlackMarketBeagle
I’d love to sit my fat ass down on that skinny bitch and force feed her cheesecake until she throws up. Then do it again.
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:17 am rating: 10
#23
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
I remember Angela! She was one of the top-rated PANs of 2009, wasn’t she?
Obesity/leanness is one of the primary self-righteousness issues around. There should be no shortage of snotty-sweet notes on this subject. The self-righteous will get their comeuppance, though it may take some time. Patience, grasshopper!
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:43 am rating: 4
#24
Laser Sanchez
I dunno, if I started going to the gym I’d probably have enough energy to not need coffee in the morning.
Oh crap I just made your job obsolete!
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:53 am rating: 2
#25
Grig
I tell passive aggressive people like that:
Jerk: You’re fat.
Me: I get to eat ice cream any time I want with no guilt.
Jerk: Yeah, that’s why you’re so fat!
Me: [smile] And I enjoy eating it. Just think, you can’t. You can never have what I have.
Jerk: … Yeah, being a lard ass! I jog 2 miles a day! I work out at Gold’s Gym. I have an attractive spouse!
Me: [ignoring them, but lowering my voice to a whisper] Anything. No limits. I don’t even have to think about it.
Jerk: Yeah, well.. you can’t walk or… you’re FAT! Fatty fat fat fat–
Me: [ultra-calm and steady whisper] Anything. When I want. How I want. [whisper in their ear] I am free…
This usually puts most insecure fitness nuts in a blind rage. I’d say about 9/10 people who make unsolicited comments about me being fat have a severe guilt complex stemming from childhood rejection. They are not telling YOU to stop eating sugar as much as they are telling THEMSELVES. All I do is stir up that internal conflict until they lose their temper. They are remarkably unstable people.
That being said, it’s not healthy to be overweight, BUT that’s a personal choice and mind your own damn business.
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:59 am rating: 20
#26
Kore
The gym costs money, but the Splenda packets I steal from the office are free.
Jan 19, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 13
#27
aaa
Splenda, not sugar
God fuck! I can’t eat this shit!
There, now I eat less
Jan 19, 2010 at 1:21 pm rating: 0
#28
David
That’s a pretty bitter custom sticker.
Me, I drink Diet/Light drinks because I like the taste better than regular ones. But I don’t like Sweet ‘n Low at all – it’s too sweet. I go for Splenda instead… mmm.
Jan 19, 2010 at 2:10 pm rating: 0
#29
Sinthe
Why do you guys get so many submissions from the Twin Cities? Are we THAT passive-aggressive here?
Jan 19, 2010 at 6:04 pm rating: 0
#30
Neeners
These are great! I love how our society values being rude, narcissistic, and condescending over the value of kindness and tolerance to our fellow neighbors and co workers. Yes please do promote the Target coupon at the expense of others feelings! Hey do they have any self help tapes there other than weight loss? You know the kind that tell you how to relate to others on a level that isn’t superficial? “How Not to be a Douchebag in 10 Easy Steps” on sale now at Target with special bonus tape “Minding Your Own Business Made Simple”
TEAM FATTY ALL THE WAY RISE UP UNITE AND SIT ON THOSE BITCHES
Jan 19, 2010 at 6:16 pm rating: 10
#31
Jenn
I live in Alexandria, too, and I’m dying to know where Angela works!
Jan 19, 2010 at 8:05 pm rating: 0
#32
Tasha
I’m pretty sure the first note counts as creating a hostile workplace.
Passing on the coupons, though, that’s thoughtful.
Jan 19, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 0
#33 Really, Amazon? That's the best pick-up line you could come up with? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: Sweet & Lowdown [...]
Mar 20, 2010 at 3:32 pm rating: 0
#34 You’re just not getting it, Sugar | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Nutra-not-so-sweet TweetShare0mail [...]
Dec 19, 2010 at 5:11 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed