Filching someone’s McDonald’s coupons…the “aggressive” flipside of the passive-aggressive offering of coupons for fitness DVDs?
“The person who sent this e-mail is actually a great and very well-liked individual at my place of work,” our submitter says. (Assuming, I guess, that one doesn’t come between him and his Egg McMuffins.)
related: sympathy for the devil
extra credit: Shaking things up at Dairy Queen
65 responses so far ↓
#1
jetjackson
I am pointing the finger at Hamburglar.
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:31 pm rating: +70
#2
Canthz_B
Um, time to ask for a pay raise?
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:34 pm rating: +4
#3
Canthz_B
Thanks for stealing my atherosclerosis coupons.
Now I’ll have to live past retirement age, and I’ve already cashed out my 401K.
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:38 pm rating: +11
#4
Wordtinker doesnt smith
I’m going for the stapler… everything I need for the day IS on the desk, right?
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:39 pm rating: +5
#5
Havingfitz
I think Baby Jesus stole them.
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:44 pm rating: +1
#6
kureshii
For abusing ellipses, he gets no sympathy from me.
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:48 pm rating: +2
#7
Vin¢
…Swingline…
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:52 pm rating: 0
#8
shesajem
And my response would have been:
“well I can’t say I needed them more than you, but I can say the McDonalds was fucking delicious.”
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm rating: +10
#9
Bob
I just wanted to say. . . that this person. . . seems to use too many. . . ellipses. . . and also he. . . doesn’t know how to spell. . . cubicle. . . cubical is a word. . . after all. . . it is an adjective. . . that can describe a cubicle. . . not a cubicle itself. . . .
Jan 19, 2010 at 10:58 pm rating: +11
#10
Neeners
Hey, don’t fault him guys!
When you are reduced to cubicle work, and I was for 4 years, it’s the little things in life that bring you the most pleasure….
like Egg McMuffin coupons and making ‘rubber skin gloves’ out of the rubber cement you’ve confiscated from the storage closet (after first getting high off the fumes).
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:04 pm rating: +6
#11
Neeners
I will leave a thank you note for him, after I find my backbone, on the stolen pens and pad of paper I take from his desk the next time.
Signed,
The Proud Egg McMuffin Thief
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:09 pm rating: +3
#12
Pishposh
They may find their culprit if they look out for anyone who gains some weight within the next couple of weeks.
Jan 19, 2010 at 11:37 pm rating: +1
#13
AuntyBron
Team Notewriter!
Truly, a masterpiece of passive aggressive literature. But the thing that put it over the top was the sign-off “With Great Sincerity.
Jan 20, 2010 at 12:02 am rating: +4
#14
Adam
I love McDonalds, and they usually give pretty decent coupons out too. I’d be sad too if someone snagged em from me.
Having said that, if they were left right out in the open and perhaps askew, as if just thrown there, they might be mistaken for me not wanting them, and a passer-by might stumble upon them and have a craving for buy one get one bacon egg and cheese biscuit.
I would certainly keep my precious MCD coupons in a manilla folder or perhaps even my desk drawer.
Jan 20, 2010 at 12:42 am rating: 0
#15
aaa
I took the coupons
I wanted a heart attack
You’re too fucking fat
Jan 20, 2010 at 1:05 am rating: +5
#16
Hmmm
This makes me Grimace!
Jan 20, 2010 at 2:45 am rating: +19
#17
park rose
Damn you!
Proof-read your God-damned note. Think it through.
I always appreciate
to knowknowing the kind of people I work with. Fucking hell.It is always appreciated to know the people we work with. It = freaking what?
Knowing the (character of the) people we/one work/s with is always appreciated.
Either way, the original phrase used is as shonky as hell.
Jan 20, 2010 at 4:16 am rating: +1
#18
park rose
What/Who’s your favourite rock cause? I’m putting the vote out to PAN.
Britney Spears? Whitney Huston? Pete Doherty? Amy Winehouse?
Jan 20, 2010 at 4:22 am rating: +1
#19
GhostWriter
I’d like to point out that there is nothing actually wrong with taking a pen or paper off of a coworker’s desk, since it’s all company property. No real breach of trust, nor theft going on there. Supply hoarders need to be shown that they can’t squat on the office supply of rewritable CDs, Sharpies, and.or AA batteries (the rest of the stuff is just trash, I checked.)
…which leads me to assume that the McDonald’s coupons probably originated from a community pile in the break room, where our Sincere PANner grabbed them and then foolishly displayed them on his own desk. They were probably sitting there for weeks, taunting the people who do go out for lunch. This guy no doubt packs a whitebread sammich everyday- what’s he gonna do with McD coupons that expire at the end of January? At least somebody benefitted, unlike the time he won the free office pizza party from WDVE, but then failed to set it up. Remember; he kept saying, “We can’t have it Wednesday, that’s when we do Toastmasters”? Oh yeah, and the classic, “Nobody wants a pizza party on Friday!”
I also hate having to step into his office to check out the federal project guidance documents. Who appointed him librarian? A sign-out sheet? …when the documents are fastened to his shelf with a chain?? Seriously, this guy’s got control issues.
Jan 20, 2010 at 8:42 am rating: +5
#20
remah
I would bet the culprit works for the cleaning staff. We finally hired a coworker’s mom to do the cleaning at our office because we were continually firing the previous staff/service because things kept getting stolen.
Jan 20, 2010 at 9:20 am rating: 0
#21
lady of the lake
Waves of shock roil the city this evening after a man described as “a great and very well-liked individual at his place of work” totally fucking lost it over 20 cents in McDonalds savings, ripped out his co-workers’ spines & buried them under rocks in the facility’s zen garden.
Jan 20, 2010 at 9:46 am rating: +25
#22
Pterosaur
Dear Sir,
I was obliged to confiscate your McDonalds coupons per our company policy. Your fast food diet and stress levels have exceeded the acceptable risk threshold. The impending heart attack would have cost the company health plan a fortune. Please enjoy the enclosed coupons for Lipitor and Xanax.
With great sincerity,
HR Benefits Administrator
Jan 20, 2010 at 10:10 am rating: +11
#23
oi
although I don’t condone stealing, his email does not come across more than whine, that too totally ignorable whine. (like a bee’s buzz in a fish market.)Even a dull knife that would fail at cutting butter would be sharper than his sarcasm.
Jan 20, 2010 at 10:22 am rating: +2
#24
The Hamburglar
Robble, robble.
Jan 20, 2010 at 12:15 pm rating: +6
#25
Steph
The coupons might be petty, but to be honest, I’d be pretty peeved too if people were taking things that belonged to me.
Jan 20, 2010 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
#26
Woman on the Verge
You know, those expatriates from the Isle of Cubical need their coupon savings. It’s tough to make a living in a country that expects proper spelling and grammar.
Jan 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm rating: +2
#27
gaby
cubicle*
appreciated?
’cause*
Jan 20, 2010 at 1:27 pm rating: +2
#28
Angfucious
I love it when people use …. as a period. I’m going to guess that doing that would save him from having to hit shift to capitalize the first letter in the next sentence. so in conclusion….said emailer needs to learn some grammar skillz…..then maybe people might take him seriously….srsly.
Jan 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm rating: 0
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