Joel in Glendale, California was raised in a religious Christian family, and apparently someone let it slip to his grandmother (bless her heart!) that he’s — gasp!— an atheist. Aaaaand…let the backhanded compliments begin!
![Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you're an athesis [sic]. I don't believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4039/4294573752_93f47ac6e0.jpg "Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you're an athesis [sic]. I don't believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.")
Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you’re an athesis [sic]. I don’t believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Adds Joel: “I’d like to point out that she mailed me this check for $20 after I asked her not to send me money and she promised she wouldn’t. Lying isn’t very Christian, Grandma!”
related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)
185 responses so far ↓
#1
tomiddes
bless her heart
Jan 26, 2010 at 8:54 pm rating: 90
#2
B.
Well, bless her heart. I’d like to know what the “NO Backs(Zacks?)” is referring to….any guesses?
Jan 26, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 90
#3
bright virago
Sorry Joel, I’m Team Grandma on this one.
Jan 26, 2010 at 8:59 pm rating: 90
#4
Palomon
I don’t believe in atheists.
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 90
#5
J-bo
At least she introduced “athesis” with an “an.” But I’m being snarky.
Less snarky: it looks to me like she added the “Now-Those are gifts from God” part after reconsideration and her sip of “sleeping medicine.” And really, calling your grandma out for giving you something isn’t very Christian-like.
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:05 pm rating: 90
#6
jetjackson
Thanks Grandma! I am going to save this for an all steak dinner on Good Friday.
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:08 pm rating: 90
#7
sonicmega
So convincing my grandmother I’m atheist means instant money?
FINALLY, I know how to make it through college!
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:17 pm rating: 90
#8
Wade
Easy there, Grandma. Better brush up on your Bible.
“Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.”
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 90
#9
GramPo
Make her happy, Joel. WWJD?
1st, convert to Judaism. Next, hang out with prostitutes and thieves (statistically easier if you go to a predominantly christian region). Then, commit enough crimes that the occupying government gives you the death penalty. Voila, happy grandma!
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:52 pm rating: 90
#10
Critical Grass
Grandma, are you bribing me to believe in Jesus and accept Him as my savior? Is that it? Because if that’s what this is about I gotta tell you, it’s a lot more efficient than a guilt trip. I think you’re on to something, grandma. See you Sunday at the Mass.
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 90
#11
Hmmm
Dear Hmmm,
So sorry you’re not handsome. Or kind or caring enough to visit me more often than once a year. You must be Satan.
Love, your Grandma-ma
P.S. Send me $20
Jan 26, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 90
#12
Palomon
Grandma. Joel. Glad you’re more or less peaceable in agreeing to disagree.
For what it’s worth, the existence or non-existence of God was settled…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBEP5c-SUEQ
Jan 26, 2010 at 10:01 pm rating: 90
#13
Hmmm
Does an dyslexic agnostic insomniac lie in bed all night wondering if there really is a dog?
Jan 26, 2010 at 10:01 pm rating: 90
#14
J
I really don’t see how this is passive aggressive at all. It sounds like she’s a nice elderly woman who wants the best for her grandson and doesn’t understand his beliefs. No where in this note did she bash him or threaten him. She wasn’t rude at all.
Curiouser and curiouser…
Jan 26, 2010 at 10:07 pm rating: 90
#15
GOD
TEAM ATHESIS!
(sound of thunder booming)
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 90
#16
bonk
I take that AndyJ and buy Grandmama a FSM t-shirt.
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:09 pm rating: 90
#17
Canthz_B
“…have a great New Year’s Day breakfast.” is code for, “Don’t get sloppy drunk on New Year’s Eve again this year and sleep until sundown, you heathen.”
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:30 pm rating: 90
#18
Lisa
Honest, loyal, kind, generous, talented, handsome– the antithesis of an athesis.
(Note that ‘intelligence’ ain’t mentioned, in enumerating the hallmarks of a good Christian.)
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
#19
Adam
Not a big religious guy, but leave it to a grandma to say something really nice.
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:50 pm rating: 90
#20
fireserpent
so… is 20$ the price of conversion? don’t sell your soul, man; but if you do, don’t sell it that cheap!
Jan 27, 2010 at 1:20 am rating: 90
#21
Ethnic Avenue
Twenty bucks is enough for me to back-slide on my Atheism.
Jan 27, 2010 at 1:50 am rating: 90
#22
TheOldSchool
Since neither Granny or Joel mentioned anything about Grandpa, I’m assuming that the old boy is metabolically challenged.
She’s now a lonely liar with lots of money to blow — the best kind of GILF.
Gosh … this is weird … I think I’m … beginning to see … the light.
Jan 27, 2010 at 2:00 am rating: 90
#23
Critical Grass
The week after that, when Joel received from his Grandma a musical card playing “What if God was one of us”, he knew she meant business.
Jan 27, 2010 at 3:26 am rating: 90
#24
at2002
I’m no expert, but I thought the primary quality one must possess to be a Christian was …. to believe in Christ.
No? Excellent- since I’m hot, totally talented, loyal, and giving, I must already be a club member. The honesty part, overrated and not always practiced anyway by the foremost Christian (Gotcha, Abraham, you don’t *really* have to kill your son! Just testing!)
Jan 27, 2010 at 6:14 am rating: 90
#25
Havingfitz
Ahhh, give Grandma a break here. She clearly loves Joel, and tolerance goes both ways. I’m not a religious person, but I can see an elderly person who is having this point of view. Joel, if you’re reading this my grandma has been gone for over 12 years now; she drove me bonkers while she was alive and I’d give everything I own to be slammed with her passive-aggressiveness just one more time.
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:35 am rating: 90
#26
Sam
This assclown is calling his grandmother a “liar” because she sends him money? The note is also very gentle, yet he still mocks her.
Douche. No surprise. Most atheists are.
For the record, I am an avowed agnostic.
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:46 am rating: 90
#27
Woman on the Verge
Grandma forgot to mention that $20 is the exact amount of a ticket to the all-you-can-believe-in New Year’s Breakfast Buffet down at her church. She’ll be picking him up at 6:15am.
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:53 am rating: 90
#28
Gavin
God I’d pass on the 20 bucks if that guilt trip came with…
Jan 27, 2010 at 8:38 am rating: 90
#29
aaa
So, the price is right?
God wanted me to bribe you
It’s for your own good…
Jan 27, 2010 at 11:04 am rating: 90
#30
Cady
G-ma’s right. I’ve never met ANYONE who was honest, loyal, kind, giving, handsome and talented without being Christian. Those are just qualities that Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, Deists, Agnostics and Atheists can’t have.
Jan 27, 2010 at 11:04 am rating: 90
#31
Lucy
Team Granma. Old people are allowed to be misguided. And she gave you money, dude. And you dissed her on the internet. You’re a bad grandson.
Jan 27, 2010 at 11:14 am rating: 90
#32
Kara
Joel,
I didn’t know that a prerequisite of being an athiest is being an #$^&&*&*^% to your Grandmother.
Jan 27, 2010 at 11:24 am rating: 90
#33
anglophile
I always get a little wistful with these Grandparents threads. I wish my life experience taught me that being a grandparent automatically means you’re a good person. What happy lives so many of you have led.
Jan 27, 2010 at 11:37 am rating: 90
#34
BeardedDave
Did you all hear about the atheist who was dyslexic and had insomnia?
He would lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.
Jan 27, 2010 at 12:05 pm rating: 90
#35
Lars
I want to know where all the “honest, kind, loyal, giving, and not to mention handsome and extremely talented” Christians are. I only know slightly creepy, hypocritcal, angry, self-righteous zenophobes ones.
Jan 27, 2010 at 12:07 pm rating: 90
#36
mamason
I do, wholeheartedly, believe in God. I believe that He created the Earth and everything there is. I believe that, through sin, holy spirit was lost and that through Christ, reconciliation is available to those who accept it. I believe that Jesus is the son of God, born to a virgin and that he gave his life so that we might be reconciled, through adoption, to the Father and we are joint heirs with Christ and that Jesus died for our sins and that he is now at the right hand of God making constant intercession for us and that he will return.
That is what I believe. That and run-on sentences. ♥
Jan 27, 2010 at 1:15 pm rating: 90
#37
NotGrandmaYet
me? I believe in the ad below, “1 trick of a tiny bell” — I especially like the “1 weird old tip” as I’m weird and old and I like tips *ba dum dum
…and the whole thing and elipses…
Jan 27, 2010 at 4:15 pm rating: 90
#38
Jared
Dear Joel,
Sorry that Jesus didn’t work out for you. Perhaps I can tempt you with Mammon?
Love Gran
Jan 27, 2010 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
#39
GalacticCowboy
Ok, so… he told her not to send *money*, she agrees, and then she’s a liar because she sent a *check*? Everybody knows that a check is only *potential* money.
Whew, that’s one thing off her conscience…
Jan 27, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
#40
CourtH
Got to say, I don’t think that Grandma’s note was that bad. Yeah, it can be offensive to assume that atheists can’t have any nice traits, but she didn’t come off as though she was completely done with her grandson. I would imagine that eventually she might learn something by having an atheist grandson.
Plus, the tone of this letter didn’t seem very passive aggressive to me. I guess you could interpret it that way, but she just sounds sort of like a set-n-her-ways, caring grandmother to me.
But Joel’s right about the money thing. What an awful liar she is. Can you imagine a grandmother wanting to send her grandson a gift? Bitch clearly needs to be called out on the internet by her “honest, loyal, kind and giving” grandson. Well maybe scratch out loyal and kind. Nice going, Joel.
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:30 pm rating: 90
#41
Fanboy Wife
I know people that are “honest, loyal, kind and giving… handsome and extremely talented” who come from all different religious paths, including Atheists. Yes, Grandma is old and probably set in her ways, but she shouldn’t harass her grandson about religion.
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:33 pm rating: 90
#42
agentnumone
no backg!!
?
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:33 pm rating: 90
#43
oi
ba ba bam di ba!
Jan 27, 2010 at 7:50 pm rating: 90
#44
Olivia
Handsome Jewish guys get $40 from their grandmas.
Jan 27, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 90
#45
Herc
I can totally relate! My husband and I are not religious, so we had our wedding outdoors in a large garden. We asked that in lieu of gifts, people donate to charity. This was not good enough for my christian grandparents. Instead of donating to charity, they chose to send us a check with the note, “hoping you find church!”. No, don’t donate to the needy or anything.
Jan 27, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 90
#46
Renagade676
This is why I love being Wiccan. We don’t have to give a damn about other’s beliefs, as long as they respect ours.
*Whistles, “Imagine”*
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:02 am rating: 90
#47
mmbb
cashed the check anyway, didn’t you, joel?
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:42 am rating: 90
#48
luh
Argh it’s so annoying, assuming atheists can’t be generally nice people.
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 90
#49
Max Time
well jus spend it on some mcdonalds cinnamin rolls then leave it on the grandma’s doorstep with a nice note. Maybe the gramma will learn her PLACE!
Jan 29, 2010 at 9:20 am rating: 90
#50
TippingCows
I know this thread is dead and buried (and gone to the great big ramen factory in the sky) …
but come on. Just because someone is old it doesn’t mean they can’t be called out on being ignorant and insulting. Don’t fool yourselves, people – the old people have us in the palm of their wrinkly, liver-spotted hands.
They are waiting. Just. Waiting. Because time is all they have.
Jan 30, 2010 at 9:05 pm rating: 90
#51
pat
she is your granma after all …would it kill you to justlet her think you are who she thinks??
Jan 31, 2010 at 11:54 am rating: 90
#52
IrishEyes
I think Grandma might be a bit affected by the elderly…
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:48 pm rating: 90
#53
aspentroll.myid.net
I guess if you were brainwashed as a child and lived to a ripe old age when senility sets in, you likely won’t
know how to deal with an atheist. Even the Pastors in the churches don’t understand atheism, much less deluded old grannies.
Feb 6, 2010 at 1:01 pm rating: 90
#54
Kaitlin
Wow. So only Christians can have good qualities?
I’m smart, friendly, generous, and I believe myself to be decent-looking. And while I’m Christian, I don’t believe those to be gifts from God so much as the products of good genetics and a proper raising.
Oh, and I met a Hindu man yesterday. I don’t know him well enough to recognize too many of his qualities, but dude can paint. I thought only Christians could be talented?
Feb 8, 2010 at 2:53 pm rating: 90
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