“During the past few weeks, our preschool-aged son has been trying to play games that are too violent for his classmates,” Juli says. “We’ve been trying to work on the problem with the teacher, but each morning’s drop-off has become a guilt and angst-filled time for me, in part because I can tell the teacher is trying to be nice but is so obviously annoyed by my child that I can’t control!”
(No need for siding with “team preschool teacher” or “team mom,” here — this kind of relationship is just emotionally fraught no matter how you slice it.)
And of course, the guilt doesn’t stop there. Jennifer in St. Cloud, Minnesota, found this note in her son’s lunchbox (along with most of a ham sandwich).
related: This is all about the childern.
217 responses so far ↓
#1
Kelly
Maybe Ivan is just pondering a conversion to Judaism or Islam, but was scared to let mom know because of her devout Catholicism.
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:22 pm rating: +30
#2
sheesh
Hey thanks, miz preschool teacher. Before your sage advice, I had no clue how to explain to my son why stabbing is bad.
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:24 pm rating: +41
#3
Crystal
I’d be pretty ticked if the were feeding m kid jelly sandwiches without my permission…just sayin’
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:24 pm rating: +55
#4
secondsout
Wait, what the hell is the stabbing incident? Mom, don’t leave us hanging!!
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:29 pm rating: +33
#5
jetjackson
That little bastard can express his dislike as much as he wants but he will learn to eat what he is given. We have included brass knuckles in his lunch box. We find the choice close “Ham sandwhich or knuckle sandwhich?” works particularly well with Ivan.
We thought you should get some backbone!
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:42 pm rating: +45
#6
TheOldSchool
If young Eric is a homicidal psychopath (and we have no reason to believe he’s not) Juli should wise him quick to the fact that stabbing is a sucker’s game.
There are many ways to settle scores that are just as effective as stabbing, but they can be employed discreetly, thereby avoiding detection.
If Juli doesn’t do it, somebody in juvey will.
Jan 28, 2010 at 6:58 pm rating: +21
#7
Woman on the Verge
I love the quotation marks around “stabbing”. It just poses all sorts of questions. Was it an actual stabbing with a preschool shiv (those triangle blocks are pretty sharp)? Or was Eric “stabbing” Susie in that special way? Or is “stabbing” a euphemism for poking the teacher on the shoulder repeatedly as she tries to read aloud?
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:05 pm rating: +9
#8
Paula
And this is why I homeschool…
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:10 pm rating: +4
#9
secondsout
Feed the little bastard dog food for long enough and he’ll come to appreciate those ham sandwiches, won’t he?
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:26 pm rating: +10
#10
Woman on the Verge
Do you think “ham” should be in quotation marks? Who knows what’s in that sandwich.
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:27 pm rating: +4
#11
David
The stabbing incident? Is this related to the noodle incident?
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:30 pm rating: +22
#12
Mike
Ugh, how many times have I told you I do will not tolerate that godawful cooked ham!
Prosciutto, Westphalian, Iberian, any cured ham will do!
And while you’re at it, some decent mustard would be nice. Gulden’s would be an improvement over this insipid sour yellow water on my bread.
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm rating: +15
#13
TheOldSchool
What is with Eric?
Today, he had fun playing “zoo keeper.”
Tomorrow, he’ll delight in playing “gestapo!”
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:35 pm rating: +21
#14
Critical Grass
Dear Eric’s teacher,
I really don’t know where Eric picked up this kind of behavior, just the other day while we were watching Saw II on TV I explained to him why it’s not okay to hurt people, he seemed to understand at the time, and after that when his father got home they played a little GTA and he went to bed. So you can see why I thought everything was okay. I tried everything… Maybe next time I’ll try the bitch slap technique my father still uses on me and my siblings, it’s very effective.
Have a nice day. =)
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:44 pm rating: +26
#15
Silence
Huh. I always thought the whole point of being a parent was to make your kid eat things which they don’t like. And seriously, ham? Ham’s tasty! That kid’s a dingus.
Jan 28, 2010 at 7:56 pm rating: +13
#16
farcical aquatic ceremony
Re 1st note: What’s the deal with the sparkly star, happy-happy-joy-joy above the line, and the “your kid’s a sadist, you’ll soon look back at the stabbing incident fondly”-message below it? Mebbe lil’ Eric Krueger done did her brain in!
Jan 28, 2010 at 8:01 pm rating: +6
#17
Agent Cooper
I don’t understand why Teacher no.2 underlined “has”. DOES NOT COMPUTE LADY!
Jan 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm rating: +3
#18
TheOldSchool
teacher:”jelly & other things….”
mom: “Other things?”
teacher: “Oh, you know…. Smegma, Casu Marzu, Boiled Moose Noses.”
Jan 28, 2010 at 9:20 pm rating: +11
#19
Neeners
Mom,
These ‘teachers’ at the preschool, what kind of training do they have? Are they skilled in Early Childhood practices? or just hacks who need to earn a buck by watching kids? Sounds like the advice they give is pretty lame. Developmentally appropriate practice or “here’s a jelly sandwich go play zookeeper with Susie and quit making trouble?”
As the mother of a former ‘biter’ just remember there is hope…..
Jan 28, 2010 at 10:59 pm rating: +5
#20
Palomon
I don’t care what the instructions are:
Team Eric’s Mom!
Jesus H. Christ on rubber crutches, did anyone here play war as a kid? Cops n robbers? Cowboys and Native Americans? Star Wars?
WTF is wrong with grown-ups these days?
No, wait, I take it back-
Team Eric!
You’re an underdog, kid, but I’m rooting for you.
Jan 28, 2010 at 11:22 pm rating: +15
#21
Ethnic Avenue
Nothing like nested parentheses to add layers of aggression to your passiveness.
Jan 28, 2010 at 11:26 pm rating: +6
#22
Canthz_B
I don’t know where Juli and Eric live.
I do know that their local zoo is not accredited by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums.
Jan 28, 2010 at 11:55 pm rating: +6
#23
Canthz_B
Teachers who wish their passive-aggressive child-rearing advice to be taken seriously should never use “4″ in place of “for”.
Jan 29, 2010 at 12:26 am rating: +15
#24
CaroleM
LOL. Love the second one.
Jan 29, 2010 at 12:31 am rating: 0
#25
Adam
Yea! Fuck ham!!!
Also, stabbing? Serial killer in the making. Watch out mom.
Jan 29, 2010 at 1:45 am rating: +1
#26
Stephanie
As a nanny and former preschool teacher, I’m going to go with Team Eric’s Mom and Team Ivan’s Teacher.
Just sayin’.
Jan 29, 2010 at 2:07 am rating: +4
#27
snatchbeast
Hate to say it, but I’m on Team Teacher/Childcare Worker here. I’ve been that daycare provider/counselor before that has to provide different food for the kids because the parent’s just.don’t.get.it. I’m not going to let your kid starve if they flat out refuse to eat for days on end, sry.
Now, I work with the bad kids whose parents never.got.it. They eat jail food. They’re used to eating crap.
Jan 29, 2010 at 2:25 am rating: +7
#28
MAMARILLA2
Let me tell you whippersnappers something..we used to have a game we played called cowboys and indians…we would point toy guns, arrows and knifes at each other and try to kill each other…Then we got to go in to the gym with the hard wood floors and the PE teacher would line us all up with hard rubber balls and tell us to hit each other with them…they called this “dodgeball”..some how we still live.
Jan 29, 2010 at 2:43 am rating: +15
#29
aaa
Stabbing is an inappropriate play behavior because it instills behaviors that will put the child at a disadvantage later in life. Stabbing a person leaves behind far too much evidence and is likely to splatter you with the victim’s blood, tying you to the crime scene. It’s better to teach children to not leave behind evidence early on than trying to change ingrained inappropriate behaviors further down the road.
Jan 29, 2010 at 3:07 am rating: +28
#30
anglophile
I’ve decided to refuse to eat my granola and yogurt for breakfast until I go out and buy myself a jelly doughnut. Yum.
(sorry Adam, but jelly-filled ones are the best)
Jan 29, 2010 at 7:41 am rating: +6
#31
splint chesthair
Ugh, I get these all the time. Bobby was really tired and cranky today. Maybe he needs to go to bed earlier? I feel like yelling HE GOES TO BED AT THE SAME TIME EVERY NIGHT! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?!?!
Jan 29, 2010 at 7:43 am rating: +6
#32
Bunnee
As the mother of a “spirited” 5 year old little boy, I can tell you that Eric will be just fine. My son got in trouble at school for “stabbing” someone, too. He picked up a woodchip from the ground and pretended to “stab” a friend. He also got in trouble for giving someone a wedgie, for yelling out, “Jesus Christ!” in the hallway (I don’t know where he got that
) and for calling classmates various names. One day care “teacher” reported to me that he “actually used the word penis“. Gasp! (I wanted to ask her what should he call it–a cock?) Yet he remains one of the sweetest, most loving, well-adjusted little kids that I know.
Lesson: Boys will be boys and they usually grow up to be just fine– no matter how much “advice” the daycare “teachers” try to give you.
Of course, I have learned how to sleep with one eye open.
Jan 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm rating: +4
#33
Elisabeth
I feel for the working Moms. It’s a hard job being a Mom, or so mine tells me, let alone working too. But, I also have pity for the teachers. Most people have their one or two children to manage–teachers have 30 or 40. My personal version of hell. Also, I REALLY want to know what the ’stabbing’ incident was too!!
Jan 29, 2010 at 1:41 pm rating: +2
#34
Juli
Thanks for all your comments – I feel much better, now I just need your addresses so I can send Eric over.
Jan 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm rating: +6
#35
Juli
Oops my first reply didn’t make it….The stabbing is at a shark – he is a big fan of Jaws and reenacts scenes very accurately with his brother (and at school) He also likes to play Quint getting eaten and Brody shooting ’smile you son-of-a…’ I’m told this doesn’t go over so well with the 3 yr old girls. the preschool rule is that if a game doesn’t make everyone smile they can’t play it (ew)
Jan 29, 2010 at 2:14 pm rating: +1
#36
Kara
Well all I can say is it’s a good thing the PETA people haven’t found out that the children are being encouraged to play zookeeper.
Jan 29, 2010 at 2:17 pm rating: +5
#37
Sara
Pre-Schooler pretending to stab? What a lovely little goober he must be. Take the hint mom that he might not be ready for pre-school.
Jan 29, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: +4
#38
Jill Terwilliger
Some of you have been watching too much Law & Order.
My kid pretended he was firing a bow and arrow once. I cut off all his fingers just to keep him from any chance at robbing the rich. Any good mother would have done the same.
Jan 29, 2010 at 6:39 pm rating: +8
#39
ISpy
As kindergarten teacher, there is so much I can say about this one. Consider that there’s a kid in my class right now, who has progressed from swordplay in September to pulling hair to threatening to blow up and kill a classmate. Today he peed on the wall outside the classroom as the kids were coming in from recess. He’s 5 and a work in progress. I just call the parents every time, which is almost every day. It’s part of the job. The preschool teacher knows this, but couldn’t resist being PA. Team Juli.
Jan 29, 2010 at 7:45 pm rating: +4
#40
Anne Nonymous
I wish someone would write my mom a note and tell her I hate meatloaf and that is not my favorite! She’s been thinking it is for ten years but I don’t have the heart to tell her otherwise
Jan 29, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: +1
#41
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
When my son at under 1 yr old bit a kid in his day care, the teacher instead of admitting they didn’t supervise closely enough, had the parents lie in wait for me when I came to pick up my kid, and they proceeded to grill me about my child’s “problem behavior.” (Just a guess, he was teething?) I pointed out I couldn’t control my kid’s behavior when I wasn’t even present.
How’s that for PA behavior on the part of the staff? Let the parents duke it out in the parking lot! Fortunately, I’m an old hand at seeing PA shit for what it is.
Jan 30, 2010 at 7:57 am rating: +3
#42
TippingCows
If I were Ivan’s mom, I’d be drafting a lovely little note to his teacher. I am sure Ivan wouldn’t be getting ham sandwiches if he didn’t like them. We all know kids like things one day and don’t the next, depending on their mood. Seriously. Kids won’t starve themselves, and if they are that stupid maybe they aren’t long for this world.
Just for shits and giggles, I’d send my son in with a slice of chocolate cake, a can of soda, and pop rocks to put in the soda. I wonder if anyone would have anything to say about THAT kind of lunch.
Jan 30, 2010 at 9:31 pm rating: +3
#43
Renagade676
The rule of my house is, you have to try something twice before you can say you don’t like it.
My son doesn’t always clear his plate, but when he gets down from the table, he always has at least half of everything eaten, and he has no problem trying new foods.
The only food he doesn’t like is olives, and he’ll eat those if I put them on his fingers for him.
Jan 30, 2010 at 9:59 pm rating: +2
#44
Whoa!
Whooooa!
I feel like a crazy person. Am I the only one who is siding with the teacher on this one? Who lets their 3 year old watch Jaws?! WTF… What else do you let him watch? The Godfather and American Psycho?
Jan 31, 2010 at 2:36 am rating: +5
#45
Juli
By the way, the 3 year old girl is in LOVE with Eric because he is also a cutie-pie romantic that loves to play dolls with her. But thanks Anglophile for all your advice, man we needed it.
Jan 31, 2010 at 2:10 pm rating: +1
#46
Wade
(No need for siding with “team preschool teacher” or “team mom,” here — this kind of relationship is just emotionally fraught no matter how you slice it.)
Nice try, kerry.
But the notes sure are PA!
Jan 31, 2010 at 2:54 pm rating: +1
#47
Jenny
Juli, I feel your pain. My kids are allowed to watch movies that other parents didn’t think were “appropriate” (like The Princess Bride), but not allowed to watch some stuff that was “for kids” (like Power Rangers).
When my son was 4, he got in trouble for kicking a classmate. Turns out the classmate had instigated a game of Power Rangers (a show my son had never seen) and had done his fair share of hitting/kicking, too. However, the classmate’s parent showed up mid-game, saw my son kicking, and threw a fit about my bully of a child. The daycare teacher was, of course, embarrassed and not only blamed my child but allowed the parent to chew him out as well. We had a long discussion about appropriate supervision of preschoolers, as well as the fact that part of what I was paying for was protection of my child from hostile adults.
The reason working parents pay big bucks for childcare is because their children are not old enough to make good choices about behavior when left alone. Childcare providers shouldn’t be surprised when they have to offer correction or deal with conflict.
Jan 31, 2010 at 5:08 pm rating: +3
#48
Jenny
“Also, this is off-topic, but something that makes me angry: although parents may think they are paying big bucks for childcare, the average pay for a childcare worker is between $8 and $10 an hour. Not exactly premium salaries, there, for people in whom you are entrusting your child’s safety and well-being.”
Excuse me? I paid $1200 a month per kid for care for my children when they were preschoolers. The state required a ratio of one teacher to 4 kids. That’s $4800 per month, or $30 an hour, going to the daycare provider. Wages, as a customer, are not my problem.
And anyway, what are you suggesting, exactly? That nobody put their child in daycare?
Jan 31, 2010 at 5:43 pm rating: 0
#49
Hannah
When I was in pre-school, one of our teachers happened to be the mother of two of the attending children. We were climbing up a slide during recess (or whatever it was back then) and her little boy was taking too long and I, being an unknowing little 5-6 year old, said, “Hurry up! What’re you, crazy?” Well, he thought I must have called him something horrible and told on me to his mother, who promptly called my mom and proceeded to raise an unnecessary stink about it. My mom apparently told her to calm the eff down.
Feb 1, 2010 at 12:14 am rating: 0
#50
Canthz_B
Dear Ivan’s teacher,
You can lead a horse to water, but you don’t give him your tea if he doesn’t drink.
Ivan’s Mom
Feb 1, 2010 at 1:01 am rating: +2
#51
Meg
I teach preschool and I’d have hell to pay if I sent any notes home like that! I have let parents know their kid doesn’t like whatever it is they keep sending for lunch, but if they don’t eat, I guess they will be hungry.
Feb 1, 2010 at 6:33 pm rating: +1
#52
bob
FYL
Feb 2, 2010 at 4:11 pm rating: 0
#53
CourtneyH
Just because Eric probably won’t grow up to be a serial killer doesn’t make his behavior okay.
When I was in kindergarten a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. We both survived (me with a scar) , and he isn’t a criminal, but his behavior was definitely not acceptable
True, his play could be completely acceptable (i.e. he isn’t bothering any of his playmates), but how likely is it that his teacher would write home about that kind of play? And by his mother’s own admission his play is too violent, and it’s been going on for a few weeks. So it seems to me that violence isn’t the only issue. Respecting authority is also an issue.
So yeah, just because he’ll probably grow up to be well adjusted doesn’t make his *current* behavior any less bothersome.
Feb 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm rating: 0
#54
phellippe
“…trying to play games that are too violent for his classmates…” More like you little piece of shite is beating the crap out of other people’s kids. What if eric was on the receiving end, Juli? How would you feel about it?
Cut the crap and do something about it.
Feb 7, 2010 at 7:47 pm rating: 0
Leave a Comment