One day, Mike in Seattle pulled into his section of the parking garage, where there were dozens of open spaces that never fill up. “Rather than doing a 12-point turn to get right next to a concrete column, I just pulled in and called it good enough. Apparently I had been taking liberties with Mother Earth that day or something, as I was later blessed with this gem tucked under my wiper blade.”
Trix says her Dad spotted this variation on the same theme while strolling through Portland, Oregon — “a well-known haven for parking-space-hugging liberals.”
And of course, the irrational assumptions go both ways. Amber in Whitinsville, Mass. — who happens to be gainfully employed, thankyouverymuch — found this under her windshield wiper one day.
Lara in Arlington, Virginia bore the brunt of an even more retrograde brand of passive-aggressive paternalism when she committed the sin of parking a smidge over the yellow line.
related: Herbie Goes to Washington
202 responses so far ↓
#1
Joel
I, too, hate people who take up more than one spot. Either they are inept at parking their oversized cars or egomanical assholes who fear scratches on their precious sports car.
Jan 31, 2010 at 6:41 pm rating: 71
#2
anglophile
Now I regret getting rid of my embarrassingly rusty but still reliable piece o’ crap a few years ago. I had no idea it could be a money-maker.
Jan 31, 2010 at 6:52 pm rating: 45
#3
Sheri
Yeah, sorry, the only place I can think of where parking badly is ok is the hospital. No reason not to park your car properly, it inconveniences everyone around you. I’ve left many a note on many a windshield.
Jan 31, 2010 at 6:53 pm rating: 32
#4
Resident Grammarian esq
I thought it was silly to boost Amber’s ill gotten, welfare sustained, public fleecing, meager coffers. Knowing her sort she’ll probably spend it on weed… or an abortion.
Jan 31, 2010 at 6:58 pm rating: 52
#5
FeRD
I love that Lara’s note-leaver took the time to go back over his note, spell-check it, and add in the missing “p” to “pumkin”. Presumably, it’s that sort of attention to detail that makes the male gender superior?
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:06 pm rating: 44
#6
G.Pat
Mike in Seattle: you need 12 turns to park your car? What exactly do you American republicans drive to make this so? Sheesh.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:07 pm rating: 16
#7
kelBel
I would have to agree with the note-leavers (except for Amber’s of course). Just park like a human.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:09 pm rating: 17
#8
Chris
Yeah, but Lara *is* a woman.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:09 pm rating: 3
#9
Via
the egos of these people are taking up like 8 spots.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:12 pm rating: 38
#10
ClearlyDemented
Anyone else think that Amber’s note writer just lost his/her entire life savings in the stock/housing market, got audited by the IRS after cheating on their taxes for seven years straight, and found out they failed handwriting class for the fourth time?
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:18 pm rating: 25
#11
logo
a dozen parking spaces that never get used ? in Seattle- can’t be !!! this parking garage must actually be in Kent or some place.
the city gov’t is so stingy with parking requirements (you know, the liberals that want you out of your car and on your bike, bus, feet) that you can’t ever find a place to park. stick to one space buddy !
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:19 pm rating: 11
#12
Kristen
I completely agree with the note leavers– minus Amber’s. The time you save is nothing compared to the inconvenience you cause everyone else.
I find it odd there are no notes to the lowest of parkin offenders– able-bodied people who park in a handicapped spot.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:26 pm rating: 14
#13
klb
My SIL’s brother carries around business cards with only the words “NICE PARKING” printed on them, for the sole purpose of leaving them under the windshield wipers of asshats who couldn’t park if their lives depended on it.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:42 pm rating: 16
#14
Sliverbane
I got a note like that when I parked in a space that is too small for two cars but has a lot of left of space on the sides. I didn’t paint the lines! This parking lot was laid out by a crazy person, but I got two notes for it. Both notes said I was over the lines . I was inside the lines! There was no third line! Not even a faint one. This space has always been odd. AND the reason I parked in the middle of this over-sized space? Because the last time I had to crawl in to the drivers seat from the back because some ass in a SUV parked inches me in this SINGLE space. Needless to say I avoid this spot from now on…
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:44 pm rating: 2
#15
Justin
A smidge over the line is over the line, Lara. Park inside the lines or don’t park at all.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:50 pm rating: 8
#16
park rose
The paternalistic patronising caster of pumpkin aspersions’ handwriting is awfully feminine, don’t you think? NTTATWWT. Think that it’s a conservative wife going about her husband’s business and sticking her nose into everyone else’s, or perhaps Truman Capote, if he were still alive, is (hypothetically speaking) now in the business of tucking poisonous little PANs under windshield wipers?
Not to worry, everyone knows that Cinderella gets the prince in the end, even if she drives a pumpkin, or like one. Parking’s a bitch when you’re wearing glass slippers.
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:52 pm rating: 4
#17
Tasha
So if your car denotes your politics, who drives a Yugo?
Jan 31, 2010 at 7:56 pm rating: 4
#18
Rich
Over the line! Mark is zero, Dude.
Jan 31, 2010 at 8:07 pm rating: 8
#19
Rich
*it*
Jan 31, 2010 at 8:08 pm rating: 1
#20
humberthumbert
Well, I mean, in the end, Lara’s note writer is right. . . she is a woman. So what’s she getting mad about?
Jan 31, 2010 at 8:08 pm rating: 2
#21
Bemused
Odd, the parking offenders that I usually spot are men who have to park their (compensatory) muscle cars or overgrown pickups diagonally across two spaces. I say screw the notes, just key the cars.
Jan 31, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 23
#22
Ethnic Avenue
Imagine how bad a female Republican would park!
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:13 pm rating: 10
#23
MrCreepy
I had some cretin park his Escalade next to my ’87 S-10 Blazer a few years ago, close enough that I had to crawl in the passenger door. The driver side had about 3 feet of space on it. I left white paint and a lot of scratches all over his passenger side door in a juvenile fit of anger. I’m still not sure I was wrong for it.
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:14 pm rating: 14
#24
anglophile
You too can achieve better parking, Lara!
Allow me to mansplain.
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:20 pm rating: 8
#25
M0rganWing
I found these earlier and thought it would make a great gift for my boyfriend. Time saving and aesthetically pleasing!
http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?itemId=18729
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:23 pm rating: 2
#26
Wade
Republicans who shop at the Xtra Mart in Sutton, Mass. shouldn’t cast aspersions on someone else’s car.
Or use their receipt to do so.
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 8
#27
Pterosaur
It was considerate of that Republican to include his Asshole Tax payment with his PA note. I wish that the Republicans in my town handed out condescending dollar bills.
Jan 31, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 8
#28
park rose
Can Republicans really help it if they can’t get the angle quite right? They’re burdened with a wide stance, I’ve heard tell.
Jan 31, 2010 at 10:18 pm rating: 20
#29
Buzz
I am actually very annoyed at people who can’t park between the lines. I mean, just try a little harder. I’ve never written a note though…
Jan 31, 2010 at 10:33 pm rating: 2
#30
bj
A similar sign was left outside of my condo yesterday, instructing everyone to, “Park in the lines. Everyone needs a space.” The problem I have with that is the lines have not been repainted in the 20 years this place has existed, so at night, parking within the lines is very tricky. I tend to just park next to another car and hope I got close to the lines. Another issue with the note, and I counted tonight, is that there are 17 available parking spaces in front of my building alone-with everyone home. Why take the time to print out a note?
Jan 31, 2010 at 11:04 pm rating: 1
#31
Canthz_B
I didn’t even know Republicans had parked. I thought they were too busy trying to get the far right-wing to stop before they drive the whole Party over a cliff.
Jan 31, 2010 at 11:28 pm rating: 6
#32
Greg
Did Amber actually do anything, other than commit the sin of driving a crappy car?
Feb 1, 2010 at 12:40 am rating: 2
#33
Canthz_B
I like the little mock-solar panels powering the Liberal/Green sign in number two.
Feb 1, 2010 at 1:11 am rating: 1
#34
Canthz_B
In Seattle they are much more willing to do a 12-point turn to get next to a wooden column than to a concrete column….makes tree-hugging that much easier.
Feb 1, 2010 at 1:18 am rating: 2
#35
Monzo Matic
That republican was fuckin delicious!
Feb 1, 2010 at 2:10 am rating: 1
#36
Geek Goddess
In my neighbourhood, they don’t mess with feeble little PANs. No. They go down to city hall and get the city to put up “NO PARKING” signs next to their driveway. That way their out-of-town friends with the 30 foot motor home always have a nice spot right next to their house. And the rest of us have to compete for the few linear feet of curb left. Good thing I can get my car in with 4 to 5 inches* between me and the cars in front and behind.
*Yes, I did measure it. Yes, with a ruler.
Feb 1, 2010 at 2:17 am rating: 5
#37
SamBaSam
I squeezed in to the remaining 75% of a parking space the other week…person who’d parked across two spaces came back as i was getting out of the car…
She: “I don’t think I can get into my car the way YOU’VE parked…”
Me (walking away) “You’ll manage…”
****
In England with nose to tail parking at the kerb, the bigger problem is coming back to find yourself needing 12 shuttles at full lock to get out… I used to carry cards saying , “Thanks for your considerate parking, next time I’ll bring a f***ing can-opener”…now that’s proper PA, the ones above seem just Aggressive to me, but maybe that’s just the way you Septics communicate….
Anyways, funny thread,thanks for the laffs you keen witted peoples.
Feb 1, 2010 at 3:34 am rating: 4
#38
Alex
Anyone notice the first note is shaped like the map of the state of California. Coincidence?
Feb 1, 2010 at 8:07 am rating: 1
#39
Escape Goat
The direct address: “Pumpkin.” has to be the funniest thing I’ve read all week.
As in, Thank a lot, Pumpkin.
These PANs make my day!
Feb 1, 2010 at 8:07 am rating: 1
#40
Aardvaark
Being a state university, my place of employment has parking spaces with the lines less than the state required minimum for public parking lots. Even if you manage to get centered, the car next door is close enough to bang doors if you don’t open slowly. If it’s a honkin’ big sooper pick-yer-noser truck you won’t be able to walk past the mirrors. Then it snows and no one can see the lines….
Feb 1, 2010 at 8:47 am rating: 1
#41
Car RamRod
Does anyone else notice how ridiculous this two-party system has made everyone act? People are so wrapped up in a stupid Democrat vs Republican game that they apply it to things as mundane as parking. Wake the fuck up people. I mean, does anyone you know actually agree with everything either party says? If so, that person is either a fanatic or a sheepish moron. Both parties’ sole purpose is to fuck us all over. Don’t let them make you turn on each other.
Feb 1, 2010 at 10:13 am rating: 20
#42
aaa
Hm, what lazy insults these are. Did the note-writers resort to using political insults because they were too stupid/lazy/uncreative to come up with a real insult? Fuck, these insults aren’t even universally offensive, depending on which side of the fence you’re on. *sigh* Humanity disappoints me yet again.
Feb 1, 2010 at 10:27 am rating: 6
#43
N/A
This is one of few situations where I’m seriously tempted to leave a note. A few weeks ago I was at Ikea and saw an Escalade parked in a space clearly labelled as compact (the rear bumper was a good 2 feet past the end of the lines and in to the road) but also as a Hybrid spot. I wanted a leave a note saying “Is this car compact? No. Is it a hybrid? No. Are you a total jackass? Hell yes.” but couldn’t find any paper in my bag.
I have been known to park sensibly even when those around are parked terribly. One day I came out of a store to find the person parked next to me glaring at my car. I was parked within the lines as was the person to my left but they were parked way over the line to my right so our rear view mirrors were almost touching and she couldn’t get her rather ample ass through the gap to get in her car. She started to rant at me about my terrible parking but I told her to look at the lines and learn to park. Then I took as much time as I possibly could loading up the car and strapping my kid in. I would have just gone back in the store but I feared she might sit on my hood and dent it.
Feb 1, 2010 at 10:35 am rating: 13
#44
amocksun
I have to say, I do hate it when people take up 2 spaces.
Feb 1, 2010 at 10:38 am rating: 2
#45
Jared Goldberg
“Rather than doing a 12-point turn to get right next to a concrete column, I just pulled in and called it good enough.”
Sorry, Mike, but I’m siding with the person who put the note under your wiper. There’s no way on Mother Earth you can justify selfishly taking up two spaces.
Feb 1, 2010 at 12:37 pm rating: 2
#46
Dobbson
When I see people who feel they are too privileged to park properly, not only do I assume they are republicans, but I cut the air valves off their tires and call the tow truck. It’s hilarious to see assholes get their comeuppance, even if I’m one myself. But know this … I am capable of properly parking.
Feb 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm rating: 4
#47
RP
Who the Hell gets pissed off at the poor condition of a *parked* car? It’s not like they were stuck behind a car emitting clouds of black exhaust while in the drive thru lane. It was just sitting there!
However, having seen too may people park poorly and make it a hassle for other people to get spaces, I have a hard time believing the other people when they say they were only a ‘little’ over the line or that the lot ‘never’ fills up.
Feb 1, 2010 at 12:46 pm rating: 6
#48
bradmo
My revenge on poor parking jobs is to (a) park in my space properly, and as Silverdream says, even if this means exiting through the passenger door.
Then, if the offender is still there when I get back to my car, I (b) leave a note that reads, “Sorry about the scratch on your car. Next time try parking between the lines.”
After, of course, ensuring that there is no such scratch.
Hmmm, now that I’ve typed this, it seems like a horribly bad idea.
Feb 1, 2010 at 1:31 pm rating: 4
#49
BCSus
Honestly, this is one issue I am absolutely passive-aggressive about. I have left notes on cars that are seriously crooked and/or over the line, or so close to the line that the car next to them (ahem, mine, that at the time was centered in the spot I was parked in) couldn’t get the door open far enough to get a baby/toddler/preschooler in the backseat (don’t make a habit of doing it REGULARLY, by any means…but I’ve left a handful in the almost 12 yrs I’ve been driving) . If I can manage to park my car properly between the lines in the 1st, MAYBE 2nd attempt at the most, why can’t they? I always say if you can’t (or won’t) park it properly, then you shouldn’t be driving it. I’d venture to guess 75% of people who drive huge trucks or monster SUVs should go back to driving beat up Chevy Metros till they learn to park properly.
Feb 1, 2010 at 1:57 pm rating: 1
#50
Hmm...
Definitely not Amish. I can tell you that.
Feb 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm rating: 2
#51
Escape Goat
As an adult male, I have serious issues with physically capable men parking in “expectant mothers”, “infant”, and the many other iterations of parking set aside for women and men who are dealing with small children or children-to-be as they shop. Drives me nuts.
Feb 1, 2010 at 5:45 pm rating: 1
#52
oi
so what does it say in a third note? I am at a loss after With a crap car like yours, you….
Feb 1, 2010 at 6:22 pm rating: 0
#53
james
how is any of that passive aggressive? they’re just aggressive
Feb 1, 2010 at 7:33 pm rating: 1
#54
RandyinReno
There is a more efficient solution:
http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com/
Feb 2, 2010 at 12:28 am rating: 1
#55
Angela
Republicans really do suck at parking.
Feb 2, 2010 at 6:50 am rating: 0
#56
GhostWriter
See how the 1st note subtly takes the shape of Nevada?
I’m guessing Harry Reid wrote it.
Feb 2, 2010 at 7:58 am rating: 0
#57
Joe 2
Where I worked years ago, there was an “issue” with the suits taking two and three parking spaces for their cars. We grunts formed a secret society and, on the appointed day, drove the biggest vehicles we could find. (One woman drove a school bus.) We took up as many spaces as we could and sat back to watch the CEO, CFO, CIO and their staff pull into the lot. They parked normally after that.
Feb 2, 2010 at 8:31 am rating: 9
#58
moody
A few weeks back, I stopped at my sister’s apt around 11 PM , parking on the street. I couldn’t have been there for longer than 30 min and when I came out, I found a neighbor had printed out 5 pages of city parking rules and regulations, highlighted my offense, then placed them under my windshield. Apparently, one must park 5 feet away from a driveway, not 3 feet.
As the tree-hugging driver of a liberal Subaru wagon, that paper wasting really chapped my ass.
Feb 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm rating: 2
#59
DC
Wow. All assumptions aside, the last note writer’s flagrant misuse of the noun/pet name “pumpkin” makes me want to knee him in the groin. Wutta maroon, as B. Bunny would say.
Feb 3, 2010 at 2:38 am rating: 0
#60
Canthz_B
The larger questions here are, “What coded message is on the other half of the torn page of the first note?”
And, “If we allow the two to come together, do the terrorists win?”
Feb 3, 2010 at 3:27 am rating: 1
#61
pat donegan
ummm…but Lara is a woman.
Feb 5, 2010 at 1:20 am rating: 0
#62
Gina Marie
silverdreams, u r being irrational, or u don’t have kids! or u r a sanctimonious prick! hmm, wonder which one? probably all three! ur theory would be fine, assuming there are other spaces available. i have two children in car seats. i NEED to be able to open the doors and get them out without climbing over seats or hitting the car next door. since i live in florida, where the average age of the population is around 300 yrs old, this happens to me on a daily basis. also, as a woman, and a mom, i park as close to a store as i can, not because i’m LAZY, but because it’s SAFER!
Feb 5, 2010 at 11:27 am rating: 1
#63
infant tyrone
glo’,
Do people input comments here from their phones ?
You didn’t miss much (unless you had always wondered what
E.E. Cummings’ work might look like if he channeled a Floridian
mother of two who’s worried about being accosted [or worse]
by rampaging hordes of tricentennial seniors on their
Arnold Palmer ‘choppers’ [not the dental kind...mental maybe]).
Filmwise it’d be something like if Tarrantino did an homage to Romero called Hells Angels MC, Tampa where the “MC” stands for Medicare Club.
Feb 5, 2010 at 1:27 pm rating: 1
#64
keycar
keying cars of the people who borrowed too much via thier shit McMansion on ARM’s to have pricey shitty SUVs they couldn’t afford on their wage slave Republican salary makes Baby Jesus smile.
Feb 6, 2010 at 8:38 pm rating: 1
#65
fiona
There’s a reason why http://youparklikeanasshole.com exists
Feb 7, 2010 at 1:03 pm rating: 0
#66
JMonkey78
I wish it was as easy as leaving a note for us asshats. There I am after pulling my truck out of its double parked spot and getting on the highway, when some craptastic ecoloser cuts into my lane with their Toyota Pius doing 50 in a 75. They only drive three miles then cut to the far lane to exit, oh the Douschebagery of it. I wish I could send them a letter or find their car, but alas I am left feeling like an asshat, so I take out my anger by double parking at the supermarket, confirming my asshatism to the world. Will it ever end. The humanity.
Feb 8, 2010 at 3:33 pm rating: 0
#67
Artemis
http://xkcd.com/562/
The only way to deal with people like this. XD
…Of course, I’m terrible at parking. But I’m new at this, and at least I keep trying until I get it. Some people are just lazy.
Feb 12, 2010 at 7:48 pm rating: 0
#68 Why don’t you go park your car in Harvard Yard?
[...] When parking gets political [...]
May 12, 2010 at 7:25 pm rating: 0
#69 "If you are a woman shame on your husband for allowing you to leave the house" | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] When parking gets political [...]
Sep 24, 2010 at 7:47 am rating: 0
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