Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.”
And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you!
(I’d like to imagine the follow-up note going something like: “Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“)
related: Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”
79 responses so far ↓
#1
park rose
These small time bathroom thieves are working their way up to being a big time syndication. They’ll eventually get there. Their idols are the crew who stole Edvard Munch’s, “The Scream”. Their first job was “The Stench”, and it was a big job, too. The toilet could barely handle it.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:06 pm rating: 12
#2
anglophile
To the Person (s) who keep leaving their own personal art pieces in the bathroom…Take them home where your own personal art pieces belong.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:06 pm rating: 26
#3
Lisa
Could we just all agree to kill anyone who ever refers to anything they make as an “art piece”? Is there anything more loathsome? It makes me want to outlaw art.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:17 pm rating: 16
#4
Wade
Hurtfulitis is not be taken lightly.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 7
#5
Flaboy2425
Maybe if you kept the toilet paper supply up the thief wouldn’t have to use your “art” work
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:28 pm rating: 7
#6
jetjackson
The 12 year old in me wants to change ‘art pieces’ to ‘fart pieces’.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:34 pm rating: 10
#7
infant tyrone
“Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“
This is actually a major plot device in David Foster Wallace’s long story The Suffering Channel. In the story, though, what is excreted really are pieces of art. Summary below for any interested parties.
http://machines.pomona.edu/dfwwiki/index.php/The_Suffering_Channel
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:41 pm rating: 1
#8
park rose
Life at the Bristol Stool Exchange: When the art piece was floated, its value fluctuated dependent on the pressure from the outdoor water system, and the indoor plumbing. Maintenance has not interfered since it moved away from a single flush to a dual flush system. Other toilets will soon follow suit.
There is inherent danger in unpegging the system by which the value of such artworks are determined, though. The bottom can drop out of the market, and this can stir up an awful stink amongst investors and other interested parties, particularly those whose noses are not necessarily clean and whose fingers are rumoured to be sticky.
Alternatively, it can cause a glut which leads to blockages and an inability to free up the market. Interested parties, as reflected in the Footse 100 and the Dow Jones, are waiting with bated breath (even more so since the unpegging). Will such a move – some might even say it leans towards the bold, the exciting, the avante garde – regulate the art scene, or result in quite the opposite; fissuring the system and causing overflow and waste to either deplete or flood the entire regulating body.
Feb 3, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 8
#9
blde
Edie…If you have tell us it’s art, then it’s probably not. Therein lies your problem most likely.
Feb 3, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 8
#10
park rose
The thief, of course, is the Artful Stodger, though he always claims that he was framed any time he’s caught near the scene of a crime.
Feb 3, 2010 at 9:13 pm rating: 1
#11
oi
Shouldn’t be she happy? somebody is stealing her own art pieces that means they considers them valuable. Believe me I have seen stuff described as “art pieces”.
Feb 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm rating: 3
#12
Canthz_B
I’ve heard lots of euphemisms for “restroom”, but I’ve never heard anyone say “Excuse me, I have to use the art gallery.” before.
Feb 3, 2010 at 9:47 pm rating: 20
#13
Canthz_B
Edie intended her personal art pieces to add some ambiance to her otherwise dreary restroom.
Stool softeners, if you will.
Feb 3, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 11
#14
SJ
Uhmm… “SNEAKED.”
Feb 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm rating: 0
#15
TheOldSchool
“Artist’s Shit,” by the Italian artist Piero Manzoni, is a tin can filled with 30 grams of the artist’s freshly produced shit.,
In May, 1961, he squeezed out enough personal art pieces to fill 90 tins.
On May 23, 2007, one of the shit cans (#83) was sold for $179,000 at Sotheby’s.
Feb 3, 2010 at 10:51 pm rating: 5
#16
Critical Grass
Edie, define art in a 1000 words. I’m waiting for your essay. If you can justify to me in a plausible way how those things are art, I’ll give them back.
Feb 3, 2010 at 10:51 pm rating: 3
#17
Canthz_B
Really now, Edie, aren’t the drawings and poetry on the walls of the stalls “personal art” enough for one restroom?
Someone really ought to investigate why making a bowel movement also seems to inspire creativity in anyone with a Sharpie handy.
Feb 3, 2010 at 11:21 pm rating: 4
#18
AuntyBron
Just how many “personal art pieces” does Edie have to lose to theft before she pulls her head out and decides to leave them at home?
Feb 3, 2010 at 11:46 pm rating: 3
#19
catburglar
Edie seems a little anal retentive.
Feb 4, 2010 at 12:16 am rating: 1
#20
Adam
The note is a work of art. I would steal it for two weeks, then sneak it back in.
Feb 4, 2010 at 12:58 am rating: 8
#21
Critical Grass
I think you should contact the security company that works for the Louvre so they could install all the necessary equipment/structure to mantain your art pieces safe in the bathroom, where they belong.
Feb 4, 2010 at 2:41 am rating: 0
#22
Katie
Taking a stab at the Edie from Grey Gardens?
Feb 4, 2010 at 6:58 am rating: 2
#23
Katie
Taking a stab at the Edie from Grey Gardens?
Feb 4, 2010 at 6:58 am rating: 1
#24
Pterosaur
Because of this thoughtless act, the patrons can no longer enjoy Edie’s crayon houses with curly chimney smoke and smiley-face suns.
What will disappear next, Stick Figures #2 in Finger Paint?
Feb 4, 2010 at 8:13 am rating: 0
#25
Dave the Chef
It isn’t really passive aggressive, if it is signed though, is it?
Feb 4, 2010 at 8:49 am rating: 0
#26
Joe 2
Now all those crochet toilet paper roll dolls are mine! MINE! BWAH-HAH-HAH!
Feb 4, 2010 at 9:08 am rating: 2
#27
anglophile
Has anyone talked to the cleaning staff about this problem?
Feb 4, 2010 at 9:42 am rating: 1
#28
AhSookieSookieNow!
How does Edie know for certain that the personal-piece-thief will someday find him/herself in this same situation? Was one of her personal pieces a crystal ball?
Feb 4, 2010 at 11:00 am rating: 1
#29
Jessica
“Grey Gardens” references make me giddy!
Feb 4, 2010 at 11:16 am rating: 1
#30
Gandalf
Attention all employees:
Please do not use the toilet for the “really big jobs” . From now on , use the trash can. For those jobs that are too large to fit in the trash can, please hang them on the wall with the provided hooks. If you have any questions, please contact Casey in HR.
THX, Sandra
Feb 4, 2010 at 2:30 pm rating: 0
#31
Geek Goddess
Can we just move on from all this crap? Where is the next PAN? We need a new one soon, or this whole site will go down the tubes.
Pardon the rant, but this subject is making me feel a little flushed.
Feb 4, 2010 at 3:03 pm rating: 3
#32
Joe2
Now all those crochet bog roll dolls are mine! MINE! BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!
Feb 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm rating: 2
#33
Catburglar
Oh – you guys didn’t get my joke. : (
Feb 4, 2010 at 9:47 pm rating: 0
#34
JMonkey78
Breaking News… This just in the “Mad Bomber” has released an official statement.
And some said she would never fess up to her handiwork at the Gym.
Feb 8, 2010 at 3:14 pm rating: 0
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