At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah.
“For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says.
Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon theology (the the staff signatures include both Captain Moroni and Nephite #2) made me both wince and chuckle.”
![PLEASE BE HONEST AND PAY FOR YOUR DRINKS BESIDES, IS IT REALLY WORTH $1.59 TO SPEND ETERNITY IN ONE OF THE LOWER KINGDOMS? YOUR INTEGRITY MATTERS MOST WHEN IT COMES TO THE "LITTLE" DISHONESTIES [sic]. SO THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION! P.S. REFILLS ARE FREE! f you could pick one picture to summarize the culture at BYU...](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2608/4053108768_c2ed807e64_o.jpg)
related: nosy Provo neighbors
92 responses so far ↓
#1
Geek Goddess
I was all ready to
criticizecritique the font, when I realized that it is hand-written. If you could use the word “written” to describe what is happening here. I guess we could just be thankful that their first choice wasn’t Comic Sans.Feb 7, 2010 at 5:13 pm rating: 10
#2
Wade
If you do not accuse each other, God will not accuse you. If you have no accuser you will enter heaven. – Joseph Smith
oops.
Feb 7, 2010 at 5:22 pm rating: 17
#3
zenvelo
I thought Moroni was a new font, you know, for writing on mythical golden tablets…
Feb 7, 2010 at 6:16 pm rating: 8
#4
farcical aquatic ceremony
I think the nosy Provo neighbors (dormitory police) note ruined me for all other BYU or obnoxiously morally prescriptive notes. Still, this note makes me want to find out EXACTLY what the speed limit is in Utah so that, should I find myself at its border, I can book through it at the highest velocity possible. (I am willing to hydrate as little as possible and hold it as long as necessary…)
Feb 7, 2010 at 6:54 pm rating: 13
#5
eslinger
Go to the lower kingdom. Go directly to the lower kingdom. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
You do, however, get to keep your $1.59. (Tax not included.)
Feb 7, 2010 at 7:09 pm rating: 21
#6
BlackMarketBeagle
This is why I’m terrified that my husband will get job in Utah.
Um…do they have any Starbucks there?..(please say yes, please say yes..)
Feb 7, 2010 at 7:32 pm rating: 6
#7
aaa
Somehow I keep getting the feeling that I might burst into flames the second I cross the state border into Utah…
Feb 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 14
#8
Critical Grass
Here’s $20. I’m working my way up to the penthouse of The Three Kingdoms.
Feb 7, 2010 at 8:57 pm rating: 3
#9
Ethnic Avenue
The refills are free? Just like on wives.
Feb 7, 2010 at 8:59 pm rating: 18
#10
Scott
” where your soft drinks options, Mark says, are pretty much limited to Caffeine-Free Coke, Sprite, or Orange Crush.”
This is a funny, tongue-in-cheek sign from Nicolitalia’s, which happens to be the most delicious pizza I’ve had in Utah County, maybe all of Utah. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
Mt. Dew, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, etc. all available on tap. Relax, folks.
Feb 7, 2010 at 9:02 pm rating: 3
#11
Felch me
Little know 11th Commandment.
‘Thou shalt not steal thine Pepsi.’
Feb 7, 2010 at 9:26 pm rating: 0
#12
Man in a pant suit
Is this place owned by the fucking Osmonds?
Feb 7, 2010 at 9:31 pm rating: 0
#13
Canthz_B
This place rocks!
Alchemists have long known that if you stock Caffeine-Free Coke, Sprite, or Orange Crush in a Pepsi machine, the machine will dispense Kamikazes.
Feb 7, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 5
#14
Canthz_B
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d take this very seriously and pay my $1.59.
Any note which merits hiring a bona fide scribe to produce, must be taken seriously.
Besides, the people in the upper kingdoms walk like stampeding buffalo, and who needs that shit for all eternity?
Feb 7, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 22
#15
adam
This note raises several good points. Especially the one about integrity.
Feb 8, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 4
#16
matt
I’m a little suspicious of that phrase down the bottom “owner and staff” I’m thinking that means not so much ‘owner and employees’ but owner with a big-ass stick ready to cane some ‘integrity’ into those mischeivous, theiving brats..
Feb 8, 2010 at 8:31 am rating: 5
#17
Jan
I believe the woman who wrote the note also scrapbooks… probably where she honed the fine art of journaling.
Feb 8, 2010 at 8:47 am rating: 6
#18
Q
Honestly, I’m Team Store on this one. At the restaurant where I work, we do whatever we can to prevent people from stealing fountain drinks, such as getting their water from our drive thru area.. I’ll even call them out when someone decides they’re going to save their weeks old cup just so that they can “refill” it. That’s just cheap and disgusting, and it’s also theft, whether someone cares to think of it that way or not.
Feb 8, 2010 at 9:36 am rating: 6
#19
DogBitez
My integrity matters most with the little dishonesties? Does that mean I’m cut some slack with the big ones? So pay for my beverage… but don’t stress out over robbing the joint?
Feb 8, 2010 at 9:37 am rating: 5
#20
Bunnee
Little known fact: Captain Moroni’s first name?
Bony.
Feb 8, 2010 at 10:33 am rating: 19
#21
Pterosaur
I’m a Buddhist, so your “lower kingdoms” don’t scare me. I only have to suffer from the fruits of my own karma in this current existence. (In this case, the inevitable metabolic disorder brought on by all the stolen Pepsi.)
Feb 8, 2010 at 10:50 am rating: 4
#22
sarah
i think maybe i would feel more offended if this were typed in all-caps IMPACT bold, but this lovely handwritten rendition almost makes me want to just give them $1.59 for the hell of it
Feb 8, 2010 at 11:20 am rating: 3
#23
suntrack
The most profit comes from the drinks and soda. The $1.59 is really cheap and I hope the service is good too!
Feb 8, 2010 at 12:13 pm rating: 0
#24
merkin4
I used to have a job in Provo. Strange, strange town. BYU culture is truly warped, even to those from surrounding areas.
The BYU groundskeeping department re-seeded a bunch of lawns, put down some sod, then put up a bunch of signs saying “Cougars Don’t Cut Corners.”
Pretty soon, a bunch of additional signs showed up with stuff like “Cougars Don’t Wear Pants”, “Cougars Don’t Have Curfews”, and “Cougars Eat Raw Meat.”
Sadly, many people I met in Provo seem to have the idea that breaking the rules of the university means breaking the commandments of God.
And although I have plenty of disgust for BYU, I have to give them credit on one major issue – they are clear about the rules. If you don’t want to follow their rules, don’t join their club.
Feb 8, 2010 at 1:18 pm rating: 13
#25
JMonkey78
Thank you Terry!
I know its worn out, but somehow it just seems appropriate here.
Feb 8, 2010 at 2:57 pm rating: 2
#26
Azucar
I laugh at that note every time I go into that joint–and it’s got the best pizza in the valley, hands down.
Feb 8, 2010 at 5:01 pm rating: 1
#27
Fanboy Wife
Alright! Atheists get free drinks!
Feb 8, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 9
#28
Audrey
I grew up Mormon, and I will tell you: before I read the post, I recognized the “font”, and I knew a Mormon wrote it. Somewhere along the line all the girls/women get it into their heads that you have to write like that. On every. Fucking. Thing.
I’m going to have flashbacks now. Thanks a lot!
Feb 8, 2010 at 11:23 pm rating: 3
#29
Lou Smith
Ah, passive aggressiveness… a staple of Mormon culture
Feb 9, 2010 at 2:11 am rating: 3
#30
mdwalker
Come on people, mormons can drink caffine, just not coffee or tea, also, I think the multiple wives thing has been overdone, let’s think of something new. It’s a cultural thing, as I understand it, most of Provo would laugh at this since it is mostly mormon. Of course it sounds silly when it is taken out of the culture and put on a blog. Let the mormons be lighthearted and have a little fun too.
Feb 9, 2010 at 1:04 pm rating: 6
#31
MeerkatMP
Wait wait, I have Mormon friends and apparently they don’t drink caffeinated drinks. So shouldn’t this passive aggressive note include a further spite for not only stealing, but also drinking pepsi?
Feb 9, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 0
#32
christine
Seriously, people take a chill pill.
You can find whatever it is you’re looking for wherever you are. Utah is not one of the lower kingdoms, nor is the highest. It’s only what you make of it.
Feb 9, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 0
#33
thegriffin88
Mormons huh? Just for that I’ll dine and dash.
They should be paying me!
Feb 11, 2010 at 2:20 pm rating: 1
#34
Chelsea
Please tell me where this is. I really want to go and steal soda just on principle!
Feb 13, 2010 at 5:12 pm rating: 2
#35 Soda stealers are the lowest forms of life! | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: Is it really worth $1.59 to spend eternity in one of the lower kingdoms? [...]
Nov 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm rating: 0
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