“My wife and I have been busy lately,” writes Sean in Vancouver, “and we forgot to get the newly-lost baby tooth from under my daughter’s pillow. We finally remembered a few days later. When my wife went in to slip some money under the pillow, I could hear her trying hard not to crack up.” When she came out (red-faced and laughing), to show me the note, I understood why.”
related: Passive-Aggressive Easter Bunny
131 responses so far ↓
#1
Hmmm
Dear Haylee,
How are things with you? Just thought I would write to you like you asked. We haven’t received our stimulus money yet so please be patient.
Love, T. Fairy
Feb 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#2
famine
So much to like about this one but, for some reason, the comma between “Dear” and “Toothfairy” is my favorite part!
Feb 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#3
Woman on the Verge
Dear Haylee,
Welcome to life.
Love,
The Tooth Fairy
Feb 9, 2010 at 3:54 pm rating: 90
#4
Destinidlthur
How old is this child? She has better handwriting than I do…
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:02 pm rating: 90
#5
blue eyes
Busy, as in “Haylee’s been too busy to pick out a decent old folk’s home”?
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:04 pm rating: 90
#6
Gunderson
Dear Haylee,
I am both angered and repulsed by you referring to me as a “Tooth Fairy”. I was hoping that Anti-gay slurs went out of vogue 2 generations ago, but thanks for proving me wrong.
You will be getting no money from me, but trust me, I’ll be getting more than a tooth from you when I see you in court for violating my civil rights.
Sincerely yours,
The Tooth Pixie.
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:08 pm rating: 90
#7
infant tyrone
To: Ms. Haylee *******
From: Tooth Fairy
Re: Our recent slow response time
We are very sorry for the delay in getting your money to you.
It seems the president of our local chapter of the International Fairy Union made some unlucky wagers on a vacation trip to Reno at Christmas.
To show the seriousness of our deep regret at causing you a cash flow problem, when we do make the necessary payment this Friday we will be including a large supply of Valentine’s Day candy…this is something that fell off a truck recently when someone from one of our fellow unions had a small “oopsie” when unloading a 40-foot container from Belgium.
Sincerely promising to be “on time” next time,
T. Bell, CFO, I.F.U. Local #888
cc: SNAFU Coordinator, I.F.U. Regional Legal Dept.
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:10 pm rating: 90
#8
Gravity's Rambo
I feel so bad for the little girl. It took you four days to remeber your parental duties as tooth fairy????I can only hope are with MSF in Haiti or similarly “busy.”
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm rating: 90
#9
CLF
My daughter had a long standing relationship with writing to the Tooth Fairy… the first note was a manifesto on losing a tooth. The second was a list of questions and a demand for a “real photograph”.
Recently I was going through her memory box and re-read them. Good Times… Although I did screw up and wrote a long farewell note when her ‘last’ tooth fell out. Sadly the Tooth Fairy miscounted and she lost another tooth the following week. Tooth Fairies are NOT good at math!
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm rating: 90
#10
JamWaltJam
Parenting fail
Put the meth away and take care of your child…
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:23 pm rating: 90
#11
Geek Goddess
It’s obvious that the Tooth Fairy was subbing for the TP Fairy, who had been vacationing on Santorini for 3 weeks, resulting in the TF getting a little behind.
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm rating: 90
#12
Vintage_K
Dear Haylee,
No no, I’m not writing to insult you. I just mean, your letter is very…well, rude.
We regret to inform you that we’re unable to process your request due to your parents negligence.
Anyway, I hope I didn’t offend you, I just wanted to be helpful.
Love,
ToothFairy a.k.a. Richard
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm rating: 90
#13
Trish
Any note that includes the sentence, “I am not being rude,”…well, let’s just say I doubt this will be her last entry in PAN.com.
If I were the parent in this case, I’d leave the tooth under the pillow, in the hopes of finding additional passive aggressive gems like this. Can you imagine the glory, as she becomes more and more frustrated?
Wait, why are you dialing Child Protective Services?
Feb 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm rating: 90
#14
Adam
Barf
Feb 9, 2010 at 5:14 pm rating: 90
#15
Pterosaur
Yeah, Tooth Fairy. Four days? WTF?
Team Haylee!
I love this kid. I bet she has a career in the Collections Dept. in her future.
Feb 9, 2010 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
#16
andi*pandi
Dear Haylee,
We were hoping you’d brush it some more before we took it. Keep this in mind for future deliveries.
Thanks,
Tooth Fairies, Inc.
(a*p confesses to having been late a few times on tooth payments… but never 4 days!)
Feb 9, 2010 at 5:48 pm rating: 90
#17
Critical Grass
Haylee,
A tooth is not worth the trip, gather 9 more of those and I’ll pick them up and make the adjustments for payment.
T. Fairy. (pursuig a career as a MC now…)
Feb 9, 2010 at 6:43 pm rating: 90
#18
farcical aquatic ceremony
Jeez, the balls on this kid!* I was WAY too scared of the lesser and demigods I believed in as a kid–your underbed demons, Santa, Bloody Mary–to castigate and DEMAND things of them…
(*For the literal-minded, ‘Haylee’ could be ‘Hayden’, with testicles as yet undescended, you know!)
Feb 9, 2010 at 7:18 pm rating: 90
#19
jadefirefly
I want a thumbs-down button I can press for the idiots claiming a lapse in Tooth Fairy duties constitutes a failure to care for your kid.
What a lovely childhood they must have had if THAT is such a big deal.
Feb 9, 2010 at 7:43 pm rating: 90
#20
G
Aw, c’mon guys. Isn’t *somebody* gonna make a joke about collecting interest? Maybe one with veiled mobster/loan shark references? I’d take a shot at it but I am uninspired, so was hoping for someone else to step up.
Feb 9, 2010 at 8:34 pm rating: 90
#21
jetjackson
Haylee: “I don’t believe in Fairys!”
Fairy: *couching and spluttering* “Clap, please clap! I promise I will get you the money”
Haylee: “What you want me to clap bitch!? Cough up the cash.”
Feb 9, 2010 at 8:53 pm rating: 90
#22
Critical Grass
BitchFairy, please, take my tooth away and gimme my money!Feb 9, 2010 at 9:11 pm rating: 90
#23
Q
Dear Haylee,
Sorry it took me so long, I was trying to figure out the going rate nowadays for cavity infested teeth.. you know, all these sugar drinks and candies you youngins consume nowadays makes the going rate on these things hard to figure out!
Love,
The Tooth Fairy
Feb 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm rating: 90
#24
Pete
I’m having a hard time believing this is a kid’s note. The handwriting, looks way too mature. The slope/slop to the lines seems forced when compared to the writing. I mean, look at that “y” in Haylee.
How old is this child?
Feb 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm rating: 90
#25
Canthz_B
When I first heard that elementary school children were engaged in gambling I didn’t think it could be anything very serious.
I’m forced to reconsider my position given Haylee’s urgent need of funds.
I sure hope she can stall Nicky the Backpack’s goons for a few more days.
Feb 9, 2010 at 9:57 pm rating: 90
#26
Wordtinker doesnt smith
ROFLMAO
oh shit… I think I peed/
Feb 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm rating: 90
#27
Canthz_B
Dear Haylee,
I’m dictating this letter to my secretary, as fairies cannot read or write.
Fairy children spend their days frolicking in the forests, not attending school. Maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve never seen a great work of literature attributed to a fairy.
My job doesn’t require a degree. I pick up teeth and leave a little dough. No biggie.
Please don’t bother to write me notes in the future, even folded up, human paper is way too big to fit into a pixie pocket.
Yours, TF
PS, You know you don’t get anything when you have your impacted wisdom teeth extracted, right?
Feb 9, 2010 at 10:14 pm rating: 90
#28
dingoatemybaby
You mean the Tooth Fairy isn’t real? *sob*
Feb 10, 2010 at 12:18 am rating: 90
#29
Canthz_B
I waited a full two weeks for the Tonsil Fairy.
It took my mom that long to ferret out where the stench was coming from.
I do miss that pillow though.
Feb 10, 2010 at 12:36 am rating: 90
#30
DogBitez
Am I the only one NOT charmed by an obnoxious and demanding note from a kid old enough to know there’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy? Whatever happened to raising kids with some degree of respect and civility? Gee, Dad… instead of chuckling over this note, why don’t you talk to Haylee about the lost art of manners.
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:16 am rating: 90
#31
MissMarnipenny
As a grade 2 teacher, I know my little kid printing. That is SOOOOO not little kid printing. Unless Haylee had someone write the note for her, I call bullsh!t on this one.
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:26 am rating: 90
#32
chandie
My tooth fairy always left me a quarter. Which my mom then “borrowed” for laundry.
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:30 am rating: 90
#33
tilywinn
Dear Haylee,
You’re lucky. Back in my day, children never even got money for their teeth! And if that’s not enough, now when our teeth fall out we have to buy them back.
Love Nanna.
Ps. I am not being rude but why don’t you visit me more often?
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:35 am rating: 90
#34
autoreply
Every personalized letter deserves a bureaucratic reply:
http://www.infolanka.com/jokes/messages/2527.html
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:55 am rating: 90
#35
park rose
Prices were capped around about the time that the Osmonds got theirs done. With depreciation, things have gone into the negative. Haylee owes the tooth fairy.
Feb 10, 2010 at 10:21 am rating: 90
#36
oi
I have got a funny story for figuring out Santa’s (non) existence. funny now, anyway.
One day around Christmas I told my mom, “so momma I know it’s not Santa but you are putting gifts for me on Christmas eve!” and I was all smug like, see how smart I am. I took my mom’s over the top cheering towards being proud of her daughter. Comes the Christmas day and I found that cheering was not pride but indeed joy for not having to buy presents anymore! Lesson learned: Playing dumb pays more than being smart ass.
Feb 10, 2010 at 10:40 am rating: 90
#37
Rebelcat
Tooth fairies are overworked and under appreciated. Sometimes they’re a couple days late. Sometimes they can’t find the damn tooth, even though the kid balanced it on a pop can on the window with a note taped to the window and a big arrow pointing down. (Silly tooth fairy – she thought it would be under the pillow!)
And sometimes they’re driving around looking for any place open at midnight on Christmas eve , just so they can get some change, because seven adults in the house somehow can’t scrape together enough quarters and nickles to even make a toonie.
And sometimes the tooth fairy gives up and just gives the kid a cute little unicorn charm instead, which causes no end of angst among the other kids who would rather have THAT than a toonie.
What a job!
Feb 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
#38
laurie
Clearly the Tooth Fairy has been a little busy lately with his new movie deal.
Feb 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm rating: 90
#39
DC
I think this one even beats out WWJD for a Klondike Bar in my all-time favorites department. I think my favorite part is the “PS” at the bottom, as if saying it’s not rude makes it so. Hey, she’s just tellin’ it like it is, Tooth Fairy!
Feb 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm rating: 90
#40
Gandalf
Dear Haylee,
Due to the economic turndown, we ahve had to cutback on our staff of dispensing fairies. Some of them have had to do double duty dispensing TP in addition to exchanging teeth for cash. Another problem of late is the unitard shortage. Please bear with us during this time of cutbacks.
If you have any ruther questions, please see Casey in HR.
THX,
Sandra
PS: You wouldn’t happen to have any Mongolian BBQ hats, would you?
Feb 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm rating: 90
#41
Christina
That’s adorable.
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:45 pm rating: 90
#42
kr
Obviously, the parents are doing something right if their daughter can write a note like this. It seems to me that they are making her a priority–her communication and writing skills are evidence that someone is putting the time in. I can’t believe the folks here dissing them because they were late on putting the cash under the pillow. Re-dic-u-lous!
The note is humorous but to the point. That girl is going places!
Feb 11, 2010 at 9:42 am rating: 90
#43
arminbw
The cake is a lie.
Feb 12, 2010 at 3:17 am rating: 90
#44
whitney
We forgot once for about two days- we left the money with a note that the Tooth fairy was late because she was at a dental convention and promised not to be so lax in the future.
Feb 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm rating: 90
#45
anarpmendes
brutal xD
Feb 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm rating: 90
#46
pats
OMG, how sad! These parents forgot the tooth fairy for 4 DAYS!!! (and they were not so embarrassed about it that they broadcasted it all over the internet) If they were that “BUSY,” they should have reconsidered having children until they could be less busy. I am a teacher, and teach lots of f***ed up kids who have these same self-absorbed parents, who are “too busy” to be parents! This is not funny, it is tragic.
Feb 12, 2010 at 7:27 pm rating: 90
#47
Rachel
You know what the tooth fairy used to leave me? I.O.U.’s for $5. Thanks mom.
Feb 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 90
#48
LisaH
Canthz_B,
ROFL at the idea of a parenting ideology whereby you create unnecessary disappointment daily in order to teach kids about life!!
That’s awesome and will have me laughing all day!
Feb 17, 2010 at 10:28 am rating: 90
#49
AndiK
The best thing about this note…? The look of horrified embarrassment when her parents pull it out of nowhere show her fiance when she’s 25, long after she forgot she ever wrote it.
I’d pay to see that.
Feb 24, 2010 at 10:45 am rating: 90
#50
Larry
Busted! What’s right is right, and the tooth fairy doesn’t have a leg to stand on. But that’s a nice kid.
Mar 3, 2010 at 10:59 am rating: 90
#51
Son of Bob
Dear Haylee,
As you may or may not know, thanks to bills passed by the democrat majority, all of my Tooth Fairy operation is now under the control of the US Postal System. Since they were already losing billions of dollars each year due to mismanagement and poor service, they have demanded cutbacks, and so I am only allowed to collect teeth a few days each week.
In addition, I am no longer allowed to leave money when taking your tooth, unless your parents refuse to work or are in the country illegally. In addition, in an effort to increase business, I must now charge for my services, and even those who don’t use my Tooth Fairy services will be taxed in order to cover the purchase cost of the discarded teeth of others.
I have been assured by the postal service management, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama that the way to increase business is by reducing services and charging more for those lesser services, so I’m hoping to be back up and running full time shortly.
The Tooth Fairy
A division of the USPS
Mar 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm rating: 90
#52 Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Dear Tooth Fairy [...]
Dec 31, 2010 at 12:20 pm rating: 90
#53 Possibly the best letters to the Tooth Fairy of all time | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think [...]
Jul 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm rating: 90
#54 Passive-aggressive letters to the tooth fairy | Dysonology
[...] really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think [...]
Jul 13, 2011 at 10:05 am rating: 90
#55 Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy [...]
Jul 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm rating: 90
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