Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

February 9th, 2010 · 131 comments

“My wife and I have been busy lately,” writes Sean in Vancouver, “and we forgot to get the newly-lost baby tooth from under my daughter’s pillow. We finally remembered a few days later. When my wife went in to slip some money under the pillow, I could hear her trying hard not to crack up.” When she came out (red-faced and laughing), to show me the note, I understood why.”

Dear, Toothfairy  It has been 4 days of putting my tooth under my pillow and on my desk. I am getting sick and tried of it. I would really like it if you just did what you are supposed to do.   P.S. I am not being rude. You could write if you want. Love, Haylee

related: Passive-Aggressive Easter Bunny

FILED UNDER: kids · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s. · signed with love · Vancouver

131 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Hmmm

    Dear Haylee,

    How are things with you? Just thought I would write to you like you asked. We haven’t received our stimulus money yet so please be patient.

    Love, T. Fairy

    Feb 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ethnic Avenue

      Dear, Tooth Fairy

      You sound like a typical liberal: thinking government is the solution. Don’t you know goverment is the problem?


      Crazy Right-Wing Haylee

      PS: Seeing as you’re a fairy, I don’t support your right to marry your Tooth “Partner.”

      Feb 9, 2010 at 4:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   infant tyrone bang

      Oh Dear, Princess Haylee/Highly,

      I get it that you wanna be hip, flip, and together before you get to middle school, but let’s do a little reality check here, ooookay ?

      I’m not sure whether you’ve been making snacks with The ‘Rents’ powdered psilocybin stash that they keep in a jar marked “thyme” or
      you found a nice, charming bufotenine-rich toad in the back yard,
      but you, “your highness”, are high and the thing that’s either a total buzz killer or the door to the next level is that you’re writing a watered-down, Reagan-esque neo-con boilerplate screed
      to The Freakin’ Tooth Fairy !!

      That’s probably enough reality for you today.
      I’d love to stay and make strobe trails with our hands, but my Life Partner in the game of Tooth and Consequences is fixing Pastitsio tonight.

      So, TaTa sweetie, and remember, even if you throw this letter away, I’m still saving yours. It might come in handy someday.

      Say Hi to Prince Charming (Froggy) when you come down,
      Jeze/Tinker Bell

      P.S. I’ll pledge my troth to any damn tooth I please
      (as long as he pleases me too).

      Feb 9, 2010 at 8:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Mo®

      “Tooth Partner” FTW!!!!!!1!

      Feb 10, 2010 at 8:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   famine

    So much to like about this one but, for some reason, the comma between “Dear” and “Toothfairy” is my favorite part!

    Feb 9, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Woman on the Verge bang

    Dear Haylee,

    Welcome to life.


    The Tooth Fairy

    Feb 9, 2010 at 3:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Trish

      This? My favorite comment :)

      Feb 9, 2010 at 4:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Geek Goddess bang

      “For when one thumb just isn’t enough”

      Feb 9, 2010 at 5:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Mishee™ bang

      I could thumb WotV all day and not get tired!

      Feb 9, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      Thumb me, Mish, thumb me hard!

      Feb 10, 2010 at 11:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Destinidlthur

    How old is this child? She has better handwriting than I do…

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   steven

      She has waaay better handwriting than me, too.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 5:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   chopchop

      Yeah, I call bullshit on this note. This is not the handwriting of a child who still believes in the Tooth Fairy. Or even has baby teeth for that matter.

      Feb 27, 2010 at 7:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   blue eyes

    Busy, as in “Haylee’s been too busy to pick out a decent old folk’s home”?

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   HappyNat

      More likely, Haylee has been to busy to visit the old folks home.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 7:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Sika

      Agreed. Who’s “too busy” to forget their daughters tooth for FOUR DAYS!

      Parenting fail

      Feb 12, 2010 at 4:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Julesagain bang

      Sika, if you don’t already have kids (and your comment suggests you don’t), you have just tempted the gods to grant you a four day period where the 6 year old loses a tooth, the 3 year old loses his beloved blankie, your household gains a puppy, your spouse loses his briefcase/cell phone/keys, your ATM card is inexplicably refused at the grocery store with 2 overflowing shopping carts full of groceries, and aforementioned children, now delirious with hunger, are clinging to each leg and crying that kind of whiny cry that pierces into your pituitary and causes your fellow shoppers to glare at you with hatred as they are thinking, “burst into flame, burst into flame!” –

      Sorry. [exhale]
      *Your* four days might not go EXACTLY like that. But you surely have risked getting your own version of this scenario.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 6:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Gunderson

    Dear Haylee,

    I am both angered and repulsed by you referring to me as a “Tooth Fairy”. I was hoping that Anti-gay slurs went out of vogue 2 generations ago, but thanks for proving me wrong.

    You will be getting no money from me, but trust me, I’ll be getting more than a tooth from you when I see you in court for violating my civil rights.

    Sincerely yours,
    The Tooth Pixie.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Palomon bang

      Anyone see that dude in the pink tube-top? What a pixie!

      Feb 9, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   infant tyrone bang

    To: Ms. Haylee *******
    From: Tooth Fairy

    Re: Our recent slow response time

    We are very sorry for the delay in getting your money to you.
    It seems the president of our local chapter of the International Fairy Union made some unlucky wagers on a vacation trip to Reno at Christmas.

    To show the seriousness of our deep regret at causing you a cash flow problem, when we do make the necessary payment this Friday we will be including a large supply of Valentine’s Day candy…this is something that fell off a truck recently when someone from one of our fellow unions had a small “oopsie” when unloading a 40-foot container from Belgium.

    Sincerely promising to be “on time” next time,
    T. Bell, CFO, I.F.U. Local #888

    cc: SNAFU Coordinator, I.F.U. Regional Legal Dept.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Gravity's Rambo

    I feel so bad for the little girl. It took you four days to remeber your parental duties as tooth fairy????I can only hope are with MSF in Haiti or similarly “busy.”

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Trish

      You’re so right – poor, poor, POOR POOR HAYLEE!!

      If the worst thing in this kid’s young life is her parents forgetting her tooth for a few days, she’s one lucky little kid.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   hehe

      My daughter cried like the world was ending when I forgot to leave money. I certainly didn’t get 4 days.

      I gotta say, this kid has it together with the communication skills. Go Haylee!

      Feb 10, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Connie

      On the other hand I specifically didn’t leave out my baby tooth because I wanted to keep it and cried because that darned tooth fairy had found it anyways.

      Luckily my Dad knew where the Tooth Fairy had put it and found it quickly on a shelf in his office.

      …yeah, about then I decided I was pretty sure there was no tooth fairy.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 5:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   park rose bang

      Beauty of it, though, is that even though you’ve wised up, you still get the cash. A bit like Christmas. The presents usually still come. Win-win.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 6:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   TippingCows

      Yeah, poor kid. Not getting money in exchange for a useless piece of hard, bonelike structures rooted in sockets in the jaws of vertebrates, typically composed of a core of soft pulp surrounded by a layer of hard dentin that is coated with cementum or enamel at the crown.
      Because we all know what those are going for these days. I think I feel worse for the tooth fairy, myself.

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   CLF

    My daughter had a long standing relationship with writing to the Tooth Fairy… the first note was a manifesto on losing a tooth. The second was a list of questions and a demand for a “real photograph”.

    Recently I was going through her memory box and re-read them. Good Times… Although I did screw up and wrote a long farewell note when her ‘last’ tooth fell out. Sadly the Tooth Fairy miscounted and she lost another tooth the following week. Tooth Fairies are NOT good at math!

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   JamWaltJam

    Parenting fail
    Put the meth away and take care of your child…

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Geek Goddess bang

    It’s obvious that the Tooth Fairy was subbing for the TP Fairy, who had been vacationing on Santorini for 3 weeks, resulting in the TF getting a little behind.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   infant tyrone bang

      I was going to say ‘Wouldn’t it make more sense if…xyz?’, but scrap that.

      You work in mysterious ways, but….wouldn’t it be alternatively* interesting if it were the TP Fairy from Santorini doing the subbing**
      for the Vancouver Tooth Fairy.

      This way, y’see, it’s the TP Fairy who’s going to get a little behind because he’s on unfamiliar turf, consequently not gittin’ any at all in the behind (much less gittin’ enuf to git’er dun), and so naturalment his job performance begins to suck in quite the worst way.

      *alternatively here just means like in an alternative universe…not referring to a “lifestyle choice”

      **subbing here just means substituting, like the kind of teacher you get when your regular teacher is sick…not to any of that quirky/quarky stuff with terms like top, bottom, up, down charm, or strange.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Vintage_K bang

    Dear Haylee,

    No no, I’m not writing to insult you. I just mean, your letter is very…well, rude.

    We regret to inform you that we’re unable to process your request due to your parents negligence.

    Anyway, I hope I didn’t offend you, I just wanted to be helpful.

    ToothFairy a.k.a. Richard

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Critical Grass bang

      Right, blame it on the parents. Like the shipping company had nothing to do with it.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 6:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Trish

    Any note that includes the sentence, “I am not being rude,”…well, let’s just say I doubt this will be her last entry in PAN.com.

    If I were the parent in this case, I’d leave the tooth under the pillow, in the hopes of finding additional passive aggressive gems like this. Can you imagine the glory, as she becomes more and more frustrated?

    Wait, why are you dialing Child Protective Services?

    Feb 9, 2010 at 4:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Adam


    Feb 9, 2010 at 5:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   park rose bang

      What’s got into you?

      Feb 9, 2010 at 6:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Critical Grass bang


      Feb 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   infant tyrone bang

      Vodka…and rocky road ice cream…the combining of which does not create a frappe´d black russian with marshmallows in it…trust me

      Feb 9, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   Critical Grass bang

      It doesn’t? Oh, no…

      Feb 9, 2010 at 8:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   MaybeItWasTheRoses

      No, however, it does tend to put the drinker into an intoxicated state, causing, in the short-term, feelings of euphoria, difficulty walking, blurred vision, slurred speech, slowed reaction times, impaired memory, feelings of invincibility, and the infamous ‘beer goggles’ effect.
      Other known results: Raging hangovers, partial shell shock after realizing you took someone home/the person you took home didn’t LOOK like the supermodel type you blurrily remember vomiting on while charmingly making advances, and, in extreme cases, shotgun weddings.
      Long term side effects of the consumption of these concoctions may include passive aggressive children.

      Put the bottle down, step away from the ice cream, and use a condom next time. :p

      Feb 9, 2010 at 9:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   Critical Grass bang

      Yeah, I’ll use a condom, but don’t take away my ice cream!

      Feb 9, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.7   infant tyrone bang

      Haagen Daz Pina Colada 100 proof cone, please.

      Oh, hell, make it a triple scoop, Haylee’s driving…

      Feb 9, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.8   park rose bang

      Nitrous oxide.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 10:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.9   infant tyrone bang

      NO, NO, NO !
      I mean…Y

      Feb 10, 2010 at 10:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Pterosaur

    Yeah, Tooth Fairy. Four days? WTF?

    Team Haylee!

    I love this kid. I bet she has a career in the Collections Dept. in her future.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 5:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   andi*pandi

    Dear Haylee,

    We were hoping you’d brush it some more before we took it. Keep this in mind for future deliveries.


    Tooth Fairies, Inc.

    (a*p confesses to having been late a few times on tooth payments… but never 4 days!)

    Feb 9, 2010 at 5:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Critical Grass bang


    A tooth is not worth the trip, gather 9 more of those and I’ll pick them up and make the adjustments for payment.

    T. Fairy. (pursuig a career as a MC now…)

    Feb 9, 2010 at 6:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Jeez, the balls on this kid!* I was WAY too scared of the lesser and demigods I believed in as a kid–your underbed demons, Santa, Bloody Mary–to castigate and DEMAND things of them…

    (*For the literal-minded, ‘Haylee’ could be ‘Hayden’, with testicles as yet undescended, you know!)

    Feb 9, 2010 at 7:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   park rose bang

      ‘Lee’ is one of those either/or names, too.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 7:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   jadefirefly

    I want a thumbs-down button I can press for the idiots claiming a lapse in Tooth Fairy duties constitutes a failure to care for your kid.

    What a lovely childhood they must have had if THAT is such a big deal.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 7:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Critical Grass bang

      I want a fuck off button I can press for those who can’t get a joke.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 8:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Vintage_K bang

      I want a clueless button that I can press for those who need to get one.

      Is PAN.com Dingleberry! :)

      Feb 9, 2010 at 9:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      I want a quarter for everyone who thinks that, since their parents were assholes who stole their childhood fantasies away with “truths”, it’s okay to do the same to their own children.

      Jadeff, it’s not a failure to care for their child, it’s a failure to care about their child.
      Replacing a tooth with a buck takes like a minute before you go to bed. How busy can you be just before you go to bed?
      This didn’t require a time consuming shopping excursion. Just a short trip to their kid’s bedroom.
      Doable for even the busiest parent.

      If their priorities weren’t misplaced, they’d remember that they are really busy trying to make a happy home for their child. They fail at that if they forget to be busy at home as well.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 12:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, but too busy to do the littlest things parents do for their children, makes a piss poor parent.
      You don’t even do that crap for your kids, you do that for the joy you get as a parent when you see them light up over virtually no money because it’s magic money. Nice touch on a tooth fairy night is a light sprinkle of glitter on the pillow, BTW.
      I hope they remembered the Easter Bunny and Santa. But of course, if they were busy, what’s three or four days late?

      Easter Thursday anyone?

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.5   LisaH

      People. Zip it about late Tooth Fairies for God’s sake. The fact that parents now seem to think that the world, and every moment in it, should revolve around kids is exactly what’s wrong with the poor things today. 40%-50% of kids are obese now (which will KILL them)! Why? Well, we don’t want to make little Johnny SAD by telling him he’d better not have that doughnut! We wouldn’t want to make sweet little Maddy FROWN by telling her she needs to take a lap or two around the neighborhood! Let’s just let them give themselves diabetes instead! Yeah!

      Parenting now is all about doing anything and everything under the sun to keep your kid smiling. wtf? That isn’t preparing them for life!

      So these parents were busy and didn’t give their kid money for her tooth on time. Big deal! This is a perfect learning opportunity for Haylee in how to deal with disappointment with a positive attitude. People act like disappointment is the worst thing on the planet. It’s a part of life, and if your parents give enough of a crap about you to teach you how to handle it, you’ll hardly notice the small disappointments because you’ve been taught to look at the positve side and not to FREAK OUT because disappointment actually occurred. THAT is parenting. Not just shoving quarters under pillows by deadline.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.6   Critical Grass bang

      LisaH, apparently you’re parents taught you all there’s to know about disappointments, but I’m guessing they forgot to teach about “not taking yourself too seriously” and failed to present to you a little thing called a sense of humor. That’s okay, at least you don’t have diabetes, right?

      Feb 10, 2010 at 8:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.7   park rose bang

      CG and LH, we’re peering into the abscess of a 1125-foot-deep cavity of parenting morès, … brace yourself; it’s deep, it’s dark, it’s pus-laden, it’s sticky as molasses. It impacts on others in ways that you could never begin to imagine. All anyone has ever got for the trouble of boldly going where no drill sergeant has ever ventured before, is a little plaque, maybe in enamel, bound to discolour, corrode and yellow with age. Ask yourself, really ask yourself, are you willing to pay the price that biting off more than you can chew entails? An over-bite, if you will. Mark my words, it will be extracted, one way or another, either from your purse or from your hide .

      Feb 10, 2010 at 10:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.8   infant tyrone bang

      I’m all for keeping up the Tooth Fairy mythology, but maybe updating it.

      We should have our people contact Quentin’s people and pitch them on a sequel to Pulp Fiction.

      Maybe this time Butch the fighter can win (or misplace) some kind of cloisonne medallion with a dentin it.

      One or two more plot devices should be all that’s needed to cementum all together.

      Maybe I’m just star-struck, but who caries if he decided to go off in a completely different direction and turn it into Drill Bill III ?

      Feb 10, 2010 at 10:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.9   park rose bang

      For when you have a need to fill all three cavities.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 11:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.10   anglophile bang

      Won’t someone think of the children????????

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.11   JMonkey78 bang

      Yeah, telling your kid the TF is going to bring them money, then not delivering does not harm your kids in any way. They are going to have to learn failure sooner or later right. You might as well take them to town and introduce them to some drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes as well, they are after all going to see them anyway and you should be the reason for it happening. Thats a good parent.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.12   Canthz_B bang

      LH, doing the occasional traditional thing for your child isn’t teaching them that the world revolves around them.

      It almost sounds like you’re advocating a deliberate program of heartbreak and disappointment as a character building component of child rearing.

      Parenting is teaching your children how to handle unavoidable disappointment, not trying to spin causing disappointment into a teaching moment.
      That’s what’s wrong with 40% to 50% of parents today…they refuse to take full responsibility for their actions.
      Wanna teach your kid something? Step up and say that you forgot (make up a good fib for the tooth fairy scenario, you got an email from him and he had H1N1 and is slightly behind schedule), you’re sorry and you’ll try not to forget next time.
      You can’t teach your kids to not make excuses for lax behavior by making excuses for your own lapses.

      There is a proper age to parent your child for life. There’s also a proper time to encourage your child to be a child and enjoy it.
      Children are not miniature adults and should not be treated as such.

      There will be plenty of time for your kid to have stuff to worry about later.
      Small children should be allowed to live a burden-free life for the time being.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 9:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.13   Devika

      Canthz_B, I like your (parenting) style! I’ve also taken note of the H1N1 email thing, just in case my boyfriend or I drop the ball with his daughters one of these days.

      Feb 12, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.14   Canthz_B bang

      Just don’t forget my royalties! ;-)

      Feb 14, 2010 at 9:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   G

    Aw, c’mon guys. Isn’t *somebody* gonna make a joke about collecting interest? Maybe one with veiled mobster/loan shark references? I’d take a shot at it but I am uninspired, so was hoping for someone else to step up.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   jetjackson bang

    Haylee: “I don’t believe in Fairys!”

    Fairy: *couching and spluttering* “Clap, please clap! I promise I will get you the money”

    Haylee: “What you want me to clap bitch!? Cough up the cash.”

    Feb 9, 2010 at 8:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Critical Grass bang

    Bitch Fairy, please, take my tooth away and gimme my money!

    Feb 9, 2010 at 9:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   matt

      dear haylee,
      Whoever told you to place the tooth under the pillow on the table?!!!!
      I don’t mean to be rude, but under contractual agreements in the fairy union, money can ONLY be placed under a pillow on a bed. Payment will not be made until these requisites are met!!!!
      Regards, the Tooth Fairy

      Feb 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Q

    Dear Haylee,

    Sorry it took me so long, I was trying to figure out the going rate nowadays for cavity infested teeth.. you know, all these sugar drinks and candies you youngins consume nowadays makes the going rate on these things hard to figure out!


    The Tooth Fairy

    Feb 9, 2010 at 9:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Girl Friday

      I committed the ultimate act of PANs when my 7 year old son submitted a baby tooth with a cavity in it for the Tooth Fairy to pick up.

      “The Tooth Fairy” gave him a new tooth brush and paste, mouth wash, kid friendly flavored floss and a sympathy card stating, “I’m glad you thought of me but I can’t take this worthless tooth with a cavity. Here’s some things to help you take care of your teeth better. I’ll be back and hopefully you’ll leave me something I can work with.”

      We had told him the Tooth Fairy recycles the teeth that he leaves under his pillow. He was pretty enamored with the idea that some baby was ending up with his teeth to use. After this note he took the Tooth Fairy pretty seriously and happily brushed and flossed – for about 2 days – then it was back to the usual tooth brushing pout.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 9:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   JMonkey78 bang

      You are my hero. I actually like this idea Girl Friday. You are heartless, but in a good way. I will be submitting your name to the parents wall of fame at might local truckstop restroom. You go Girl…Friday.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Girl Friday

      You should see the correspondence I send my 20 year old step-daughter in Army AIT. Our relationship would be nothing if it weren’t for passive aggressiveness.

      I just sent her one today – written in her Valentine greeting card: “Happy Valentines! Hope you enjoy these goodies! We’re so proud of your accomplishments at AIT!! I hate the new ginormous tattoos you got on your forearms but it’s your body. Call us! XO”

      Feb 10, 2010 at 2:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   JMonkey78 bang

      GF, You should have said, “call us before we die”

      Feb 11, 2010 at 11:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Pete

    I’m having a hard time believing this is a kid’s note. The handwriting, looks way too mature. The slope/slop to the lines seems forced when compared to the writing. I mean, look at that “y” in Haylee.

    How old is this child?

    Feb 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   park rose bang

      I think the writing is pretty irregular. Anyone who thinks this writing looks mature must have the penmanship of a seven-year old, or at least a thirteen-year old. It’s neat. So what? Some kids are good at handwriting.

      Feb 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   hehe

      I’m thirty-seven and my handwriting is worse now than it was when I was seven…

      Feb 10, 2010 at 12:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    When I first heard that elementary school children were engaged in gambling I didn’t think it could be anything very serious.

    I’m forced to reconsider my position given Haylee’s urgent need of funds.
    I sure hope she can stall Nicky the Backpack’s goons for a few more days.

    Feb 9, 2010 at 9:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang


    oh shit… I think I peed/

    Feb 9, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Critical Grass bang

      We’re out of TP.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 8:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   infant tyrone bang

      Pee’s aseptic as long as you’re healthy, so you could pee in JJ’s beer…
      Since we’re out of TP, he’ll be using the beer…but not drinking it.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 9:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    Dear Haylee,

    I’m dictating this letter to my secretary, as fairies cannot read or write.
    Fairy children spend their days frolicking in the forests, not attending school. Maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve never seen a great work of literature attributed to a fairy.

    My job doesn’t require a degree. I pick up teeth and leave a little dough. No biggie.

    Please don’t bother to write me notes in the future, even folded up, human paper is way too big to fit into a pixie pocket.

    Yours, TF

    PS, You know you don’t get anything when you have your impacted wisdom teeth extracted, right?

    Feb 9, 2010 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Connie

      Well, her parents get something: a bill.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 5:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   JMonkey78 bang

      Well damn, I am calling the trip to my Mom and Dad’s off this weekend. I get nothing just because they were impacted? My parents and these rotten genetics. I wish someone had drilled that into my psyche before you left my dreams rotted. I may be impacted for years by this travesty of Tooth Fairy unfairness. It fills as if there is a cavity in my very sole.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   dingoatemybaby bang

    You mean the Tooth Fairy isn’t real? *sob*

    Feb 10, 2010 at 12:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    I waited a full two weeks for the Tonsil Fairy.
    It took my mom that long to ferret out where the stench was coming from.
    I do miss that pillow though.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 12:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   DogBitez

    Am I the only one NOT charmed by an obnoxious and demanding note from a kid old enough to know there’s no such thing as the Tooth Fairy? Whatever happened to raising kids with some degree of respect and civility? Gee, Dad… instead of chuckling over this note, why don’t you talk to Haylee about the lost art of manners.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 8:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Bunnee

      Yes. You are the only one.

      Feb 10, 2010 at 11:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   JMonkey78 bang

      Indeed you be the only one. Sounds like someone needs a visit from the “Get Some Fairy”. Cranky much!

      Feb 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   TippingCows

      Nah, I get your point of view Dog. I do see where you are coming from. But even I would get a giggle out of it before I wrote a note from the Fairy asking for a “more polite” note because her feelings were hurt. She is sorry, she had the flu, but will be back delivering money for worthless bone and enamel as soon as she feels well enough. :)

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   MissMarnipenny

    As a grade 2 teacher, I know my little kid printing. That is SOOOOO not little kid printing. Unless Haylee had someone write the note for her, I call bullsh!t on this one.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 8:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Rebelcat

      Miss Marnipenny, who says Haylee’s in grade 2? Or even a “little” kid? My children were losing teeth right up through grade 6.

      My son is 12. He put his last tooth under his pillow in spring 2009. And then he caught me trying to trade it for a toonie. ;-)

      Feb 10, 2010 at 12:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   MissMarnipenny

      It’s still not kid printing. Trust.

      You’re right, kids do lose teeth when they’re older. Not sure they should be writing notes to a fictional character!?! If that’s the case, someone needs to break the news to Haylee ASAP.

      Feb 12, 2010 at 9:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #31.3   Rebelcat

      Bah. The reason I brought up my son losing a tooth at 12 is because he DID write a note to the toothfairy. He asked if he could get Yu-gi-oh cards instead of a toonie.
      The tooth fairy wrote back explaining that a toonie is what you get. Period. Except when there’s a snowstorm and okay, his sister did get a charm, but that was a one time deal.

      The notes went back and forth a couple of times before he caught me sticking the toonie under his pillow. I doubt he believes in a “fictional character”, but it was a fun and creative way to communicate.

      And no – I don’t trust you about what’s “little kid printing”. You teach grade 2 – and probably in a regular public school, right?

      I work with gifted 6 to 8th graders. Believe me, some of those girls have gorgeous printing – better than Haylee’s, and better than mine. It all comes down to how much emphasis their parents have put on penmanship, and whether they have been made to practice daily.

      Feb 13, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #31.4   TippingCows

      I’m sure you can smell little kid printing a mile away. You must be the definitive source on little kid writing.
      I have two students that have better handwriting than this. They are both nine. Maybe you live in an area where Parkinson’s is prevalent in children?

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   chandie

    My tooth fairy always left me a quarter. Which my mom then “borrowed” for laundry.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   tilywinn bang

    Dear Haylee,

    You’re lucky. Back in my day, children never even got money for their teeth! And if that’s not enough, now when our teeth fall out we have to buy them back.

    Love Nanna.

    Ps. I am not being rude but why don’t you visit me more often?

    Feb 10, 2010 at 8:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   autoreply

    Every personalized letter deserves a bureaucratic reply:


    Feb 10, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #35   park rose bang

    Prices were capped around about the time that the Osmonds got theirs done. With depreciation, things have gone into the negative. Haylee owes the tooth fairy.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 10:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #36   oi bang

    I have got a funny story for figuring out Santa’s (non) existence. funny now, anyway.
    One day around Christmas I told my mom, “so momma I know it’s not Santa but you are putting gifts for me on Christmas eve!” and I was all smug like, see how smart I am. I took my mom’s over the top cheering towards being proud of her daughter. Comes the Christmas day and I found that cheering was not pride but indeed joy for not having to buy presents anymore! Lesson learned: Playing dumb pays more than being smart ass. ;)

    Feb 10, 2010 at 10:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #37   Rebelcat

    Tooth fairies are overworked and under appreciated. Sometimes they’re a couple days late. Sometimes they can’t find the damn tooth, even though the kid balanced it on a pop can on the window with a note taped to the window and a big arrow pointing down. (Silly tooth fairy – she thought it would be under the pillow!)

    And sometimes they’re driving around looking for any place open at midnight on Christmas eve , just so they can get some change, because seven adults in the house somehow can’t scrape together enough quarters and nickles to even make a toonie.

    And sometimes the tooth fairy gives up and just gives the kid a cute little unicorn charm instead, which causes no end of angst among the other kids who would rather have THAT than a toonie.

    What a job!

    Feb 10, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #38   laurie

    Clearly the Tooth Fairy has been a little busy lately with his new movie deal.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #39   DC

    I think this one even beats out WWJD for a Klondike Bar in my all-time favorites department. I think my favorite part is the “PS” at the bottom, as if saying it’s not rude makes it so. Hey, she’s just tellin’ it like it is, Tooth Fairy!

    Feb 10, 2010 at 2:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #40   Gandalf

    Dear Haylee,

    Due to the economic turndown, we ahve had to cutback on our staff of dispensing fairies. Some of them have had to do double duty dispensing TP in addition to exchanging teeth for cash. Another problem of late is the unitard shortage. Please bear with us during this time of cutbacks.
    If you have any ruther questions, please see Casey in HR.


    PS: You wouldn’t happen to have any Mongolian BBQ hats, would you?

    Feb 10, 2010 at 2:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #41   Christina

    That’s adorable.

    Feb 10, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #42   kr

    Obviously, the parents are doing something right if their daughter can write a note like this. It seems to me that they are making her a priority–her communication and writing skills are evidence that someone is putting the time in. I can’t believe the folks here dissing them because they were late on putting the cash under the pillow. Re-dic-u-lous!
    The note is humorous but to the point. That girl is going places!

    Feb 11, 2010 at 9:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Em

      Too bad your parents didn’t make you a priority.

      There is no “E” in RI-DIC-U-LOUS

      Mar 15, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #43   arminbw

    The cake is a lie.

    Feb 12, 2010 at 3:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #44   whitney

    We forgot once for about two days- we left the money with a note that the Tooth fairy was late because she was at a dental convention and promised not to be so lax in the future.

    Feb 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #45   anarpmendes

    brutal xD

    Feb 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #46   pats

    OMG, how sad! These parents forgot the tooth fairy for 4 DAYS!!! (and they were not so embarrassed about it that they broadcasted it all over the internet) If they were that “BUSY,” they should have reconsidered having children until they could be less busy. I am a teacher, and teach lots of f***ed up kids who have these same self-absorbed parents, who are “too busy” to be parents! This is not funny, it is tragic.

    Feb 12, 2010 at 7:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   oi

      I did not know that they let 14 years-olds to be teachers. I thought that you have to be mature and stuff. silly me.

      Feb 12, 2010 at 7:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #46.2   Geek Goddess bang

      Is it too late for them to reconsider if they are too busy to be parents? Really, with modern technology, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to have children until they are ready to retire, and know that they will have lots of time for them. If they won’t reconsider, I think that this child, and any of her siblings, should be removed from that home RIGHT NOW, and placed in foster homes where they will get all the love and attention that any child could need.

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #46.3   TippingCows

      OMG I hope my kid doesnt get taughten buy you.

      Oh, heck. If being scatterbrained is a sin, then call me Lucifer! This kid has awful parents! I’ll bet she doesn’t get presents right on Christmas Day and is made to play in the snow without her shoes on! On top of that, she is most likely made to eat ham in her sandwiches!

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #47   Rachel

    You know what the tooth fairy used to leave me? I.O.U.’s for $5. Thanks mom.

    Feb 14, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   park rose bang

      Seems the tooth fairy had a sense of humour.

      Feb 14, 2010 at 5:56 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.2   Geek Goddess bang

      Seems you would need a sense of humour to choose to be a tooth fairy as a career in the first place.


      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.3   park rose bang

      Maybe you need a sense of femur, or humerus. It’s all based on calcium, right? And irony only depletes the body’s ability to absorb it.

      Ooh, that was groady, eek.

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.4   Geek Goddess bang

      Or a sense of humerus, rose?

      (Way to make my comment redundant, rose!)

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.5   park rose bang

      I back-edited before you posted, eeky ;)

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.6   anglophile bang

      Thanks, indeed, mom. You know, for feeding me, providing me with a place to live, clothes to wear, etc. The least you could do is pony up extra money for teeth. :roll:

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.7   park rose bang

      But that would leave you with a horsey smile, my dear. (waka waka).

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #47.8   Geek Goddess bang

      Better that than a grin like a Cheshire cat.

      *tries unsuccessfully to picture glo invisible*

      Feb 14, 2010 at 7:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #48   LisaH


    ROFL at the idea of a parenting ideology whereby you create unnecessary disappointment daily in order to teach kids about life!!

    That’s awesome and will have me laughing all day!

    Feb 17, 2010 at 10:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #49   AndiK

    The best thing about this note…? The look of horrified embarrassment when her parents pull it out of nowhere show her fiance when she’s 25, long after she forgot she ever wrote it.

    I’d pay to see that.

    Feb 24, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #50   Larry

    Busted! What’s right is right, and the tooth fairy doesn’t have a leg to stand on. But that’s a nice kid.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 10:59 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #51   Son of Bob

    Dear Haylee,

    As you may or may not know, thanks to bills passed by the democrat majority, all of my Tooth Fairy operation is now under the control of the US Postal System. Since they were already losing billions of dollars each year due to mismanagement and poor service, they have demanded cutbacks, and so I am only allowed to collect teeth a few days each week.

    In addition, I am no longer allowed to leave money when taking your tooth, unless your parents refuse to work or are in the country illegally. In addition, in an effort to increase business, I must now charge for my services, and even those who don’t use my Tooth Fairy services will be taxed in order to cover the purchase cost of the discarded teeth of others.

    I have been assured by the postal service management, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barack Obama that the way to increase business is by reducing services and charging more for those lesser services, so I’m hoping to be back up and running full time shortly.

    The Tooth Fairy
    A division of the USPS

    Mar 3, 2010 at 3:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   Mark bang

      Republicans suck. :P

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #51.2   Enkidu

      LLLefties suck and blow simultaneously.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #52   Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Dear Tooth Fairy [...]

    Dec 31, 2010 at 12:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #53   Possibly the best letters to the Tooth Fairy of all time | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think [...]

    Jul 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #54   Passive-aggressive letters to the tooth fairy | Dysonology

    [...] really didn’t think this tooth-fairy letter could be topped, but in terms of sheer precociousness — not to mention determination — I think [...]

    Jul 13, 2011 at 10:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #55   Tooth Fairy meets Tiger Mother, with a dash of “Go the F**k to Sleep” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] you’re too jaded to handle the cuteness factor of kids’ overly-demanding notes to the Tooth Fairy, you still might get kick out of this tooth-in-cheek note from the Tooth Fairy [...]

    Jul 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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