You know how it’s usually way easier to write off someone off as an annoying asshole than it is to feel sorry for them? But then something happens — like this whiteboard note — and suddenly, you feel like the asshole…but you still resent the person for making you feel that way. And now it’s just awkward all around, because that person doesn’t want pity from an asshole like you, anyway. Sigh.
This note makes me sad, so I will choose to deal with these uncomfortable feelings by blaming the parents, even though I know that isn’t fair either. Now I feel sorry for the parents, too. Okay, I’m going to look at more pictures from the Puppy Bowl now.
related: Your one and only Wife #1
105 responses so far ↓
#1
Q
Where did they get their socializing skills from, Willy the lovable hobo that lives in the alley?
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm rating: 90
#2
Wade
Wow. Trying to overcome parental concerns of social isolation by offering others candy.
I wonder if [resident of a particular college dorm] owns a windowless van.
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:14 pm rating: 90
#3
Kathy
At first I thought it said “My pants….”, which would be a whole different case of pity.
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:17 pm rating: 90
#4
ClearlyDemented
It’s nice that the parents of the one person who’s actually studying in college have still found something to complain about.
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:23 pm rating: 90
#5
fran
i think it takes balls to write something like that… good on ya mate! just hopefully the kid will make some good friends and not just be the “chocolate factory”
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
#6
Woman on the Verge
Come a little closer, kids… I have LOTS of candy…
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:28 pm rating: 90
#7
Kim
Oh, heavens, that’s hilarious! I think I’d be a total sucker for something like this.
Feb 10, 2010 at 3:38 pm rating: 90
#8
The Ninth Planet
They should have kept quiet. Up until this note, people probably figured the writer must have some friends, somewhere… and now they know the truth.
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm rating: 90
#9
dave
no comments? I see 9 comments on the main page.
are you mocking me? I’ll mock you intraweb.
FIRST!!!1!
btw I wanted to say hilarious note.
Way to say “boo ya! ‘rents. Want me to be friends with assholes??! How about now, huh?
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm rating: 90
#10
bug
the worst thing about this note is that there is no appropriate response. let’s say someone was actually tripped into wanting to make friends with note writer….the attempt is already doomed becuz note writer knows they’re only after their delicious multitudes of chocolate.
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:05 pm rating: 90
#11
farcical aquatic ceremony
um…yeah.
that loud THWOCK sound was me hitting that “ball” way the f*ck out of MY court, ya weirdo.
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:07 pm rating: 90
#12
Shona
This note is clearly a screening process, ensuring only other weirdos need apply.
Feb 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm rating: 90
#13
Resident Grammarian esq
Sure I’ll be your friend. But woe unto you if that chocolate isn’t fantastic – nothing lower than Cadbury.
Feb 10, 2010 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
#14
park rose
Ammended and placed in more apt position (maybe). Sorry and thank you, thumb person.
Feb 10, 2010 at 6:06 pm rating: 90
#15
nico
Chocolate’s pretty cheap – definitely not worth hanging out with a creepy weirdo for. He’d have better luck with booze – or better yet, drugs.
Ug, this is the saddest note I’ve ever seen…
Feb 10, 2010 at 6:10 pm rating: 90
#16
Hillary
I thought this note was quite clever because it ensured that only those who have similar senses of humor to the note-writer would show up. The people who reacted with something along the lines of “ew, freak” are probably not the sort the writer would like to be friends with, anyway.
Feb 10, 2010 at 6:12 pm rating: 90
#17
Pterosaur
This isn’t first grade, where you make friends because Mommy brought cupcakes for the class.
You want friends? Buy a keg and host a LAN party (science-tech majors), Band Hero tournament (liberal arts majors), or orgy (political science majors).
Feb 10, 2010 at 7:53 pm rating: 90
#18
Palomon
did it occur to anyone that the note was written ironically? Or as a goof? Perhaps to a floor of people he was already friendly with?
I want to believe that. I really want to.
Feb 10, 2010 at 8:20 pm rating: 90
#19
Canthz_B
I don’t think lots of chocolate works as a friend gathering strategy.
Not unless you’re partial to Oompa Loompas.
Feb 10, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 90
#20
appleecho
I want to make a joke but I actually feel bad for the kid. Shit, I am in unfamiliarly territory.
Feb 10, 2010 at 9:23 pm rating: 90
#21
aaa
a) There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
b) Aren’t you supposed to be making your own decisions and not relying on your parents’ opinions by the time you get to college?
c) The ball’s still in your court. Being more social requires you being more social, and this isn’t it.
d) I don’t want your molester chocolate.
Feb 10, 2010 at 10:27 pm rating: 90
#22
Canthz_B
That note won’t bring in many potential friends.
Now, if you get some peanut butter in that chocolate (or put that chocolate on some peanut butter), it may work.
If (s)he builds it, they will come.
Feb 10, 2010 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
#23
Desperate Dan
How the fuck do her parents know how un-social she is being? Grades too high?
This will sound so wrong, but meh… From her handwriting, I would guess she is Asian, ergo Asian parents — controlling much? It is at least refreshing that they want her to socialize MORE…
Feb 10, 2010 at 11:52 pm rating: 90
#24
DogBitez
That’s a funny kid. I like him/her. And someone with a smartass sense of humor like that probably has plenty of friends and/or doesn’t need a huge crowd around them. I think Mom and Dad need to get a hobby.
Feb 11, 2010 at 9:47 am rating: 90
#25
laurie
You can’t just stop at the offer! Imagine if your standard pedophile did that!
“Hey…hey kid. I’ve got some candy. You know, if you want. Ball’s in your court now! Whatever…”
Feb 11, 2010 at 11:20 am rating: 90
#26
N/A
This is how you everyone makes friends in dorms, this person is just being a little uncomfortably open about it. We used to decide which room we were going to hang out in based on what snacks they had. Failing that we’d go to the person with a loaf of bread and access to a relatively clean kitchen with a toaster.
Feb 11, 2010 at 12:04 pm rating: 90
#27
JMonkey78
Maybe “Chocolate” is code for something else. Now that might be.
Feb 11, 2010 at 12:16 pm rating: 90
#28
caroline
eve, you made me lol.
bunnee, i don’t know how much else there is to say lol. everyone’s like “no, the writer was being a smartass and has a good sense of humor! i’d want to be friends with them!” and all of this is just not true. she just didn’t want to make the effort of actually trying to make friends and put it on us to take the next step…..through this note….which made it awkward.
Feb 11, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 90
#29
jvon
I’m not sure I see the problem here.
They said they had chocolate, right?
Go eat the chocolate and STFU.
Feb 12, 2010 at 12:17 am rating: 90
#30
Max Time
chocolates dark chocolate, thats the catch D:
Feb 12, 2010 at 9:25 am rating: 90
#31 Your Facebook friends: just not that into you. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Socializing (you’re doing it wrong) [...]
Mar 22, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
Comments are Closed