As a Valentine’s Day gift to you all, I present you with this epic love story (which Teddie in Minneapolis discovered pinned to the bulletin board in his apartment building).
Teddie’s love note to this love note: “I love that this person (he? she?) used commas, ellipses, and possibly a semicolon, but no periods. I also love how the all-caps rant in the middle segues into a plea to be Myspace friends again with an offhand ‘anyway.’ Also, what happened to her dad?”
![Dear Deseray [redacted], I love you, First of all and I pretty much always Loved you really u was tha Best girlFriend I ever had you Know, you meant the world to me even though you was cheating on Her with Me everytime you was angry at Her For dancing with alot of girls at district or when your Love and affection fubbed OFF on Me and you really didn't even care, But anyway's I Miss you and talking to you and PLEASE TELL CORY dat I am sorry I Really AM, I just couldn't Help it I knew her LONGER than you and well after a While She Found Me SUPER ATTRACTIVE, and I did the Same For Her and Pretty Much everyBody kept saying dat we was great couples and SHIT you know YOU was the ONE For ME deseray I SWEAR TA MUdAFUCKING GOD you was My only Love For Me deseray. I AIN'T Never Felt No Love Like you and us...your my Guardian Angel and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE, anyway I wish you can UNBLOCK me OFF Myspace so I can Talk to you instead of having to come all the way here on the Bus and write This shit in person you know, Anyway Hit Me up my # is [redacted] OKay and again I Love you and Miss you and will always Love you Sincerly [illegible] [redacted] A.K.A Sonic ur Boo Forever P.s; Sorry For what Happen to your DaD Too I had the Same Feeling...Love You xoxoxoxoxoxoxo](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3481/3992181334_bd95a3dcd1_b.jpg "Dear Deseray [redacted], I love you, First of all and I pretty much always Loved you really u was tha Best girlFriend I ever had you Know, you meant the world to me even though you was cheating on Her with Me everytime you was angry at Her For dancing with alot of girls at district or when your Love and affection fubbed OFF on Me and you really didn't even care, But anyway's I Miss you and talking to you and PLEASE TELL CORY dat I am sorry I Really AM, I just couldn't Help it I knew her LONGER than you and well after a While She Found Me SUPER ATTRACTIVE, and I did the Same For Her and Pretty Much everyBody kept saying dat we was great couples and SHIT you know YOU was the ONE For ME deseray I SWEAR TA MUdAFUCKING GOD you was My only Love For Me deseray. I AIN'T Never Felt No Love Like you and us...your my Guardian Angel and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE, anyway I wish you can UNBLOCK me OFF Myspace so I can Talk to you instead of having to come all the way here on the Bus and write This shit in person you know, Anyway Hit Me up my # is [redacted] OKay and again I Love you and Miss you and will always Love you Sincerly [illegible] [redacted] A.K.A Sonic ur Boo Forever P.s; Sorry For what Happen to your DaD Too I had the Same Feeling...Love You xoxoxoxoxoxoxo")
Oh, Charles. You are so SUPER ATTRACTIVE I can hardly help myself. Deseray doesn’t know what’s she missing!
related: perfect for each other
102 responses so far ↓
#1
Resident Grammarian esq
Umm, she’s really just not that into you
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:28 pm rating: 18
#2
Gunderson
PA…No.
More like PA-thetic .
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:28 pm rating: 3
#3
keary
I….I just …don’t even know where to start with this. I swear to muda fu*kin’ GOD. I can’t believe I rode the bus all the way down here.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:30 pm rating: 55
#4
PunkyPower
What the hell was that?!?
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 9
#5
Canthz_B
Love means never having to spell correctly.
You know, some teachers say you should write the way you speak. Unfortunately, some students take that and run way too far with it.
(had to fix a misspelling. guess that means I love you guys. Happy Valentine’s Day!
)
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 39
#6
Wade
Though postal rates keep going up, I still think a stamp is cheaper than bus fare.
Just sayin’.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:35 pm rating: 43
#7
Canthz_B
Dear Sonic,
All I have to say to you, Boo, is:
ENVELOPE!!!
“Deseray”
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 16
#8
Sheri
I hate it when my love and affection rubs off all over a guy in a club. It’s so embarrassing. And probably not hygienic.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 43
#9
withing
I wanna know what happened to her dad…
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:42 pm rating: 13
#10
LuLu
“love and affection rubbed off on me”. maybe he didn’t know how to spell chlamydia.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 59
#11
Canthz_B
Finally, the landlord can stop spying on Deseray (Desiree?) and her two male roommates and accept that she’s a lesbian.
Hey, that would make a good sitcom!
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:47 pm rating: 5
#12
Wordtinker doesnt smith
This gives a whole new meaning to SUPER BAD.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:48 pm rating: 2
#13
Geek Goddess
I dunno bout ya guys, but Im not so sure I wanna go out wif some guy who was wanting to talk to me on myspace instead of coming over and seeing me in person, least, dat’s my opinion,
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:53 pm rating: 14
#14
Canthz_B
If Sonic was a better hedgehog, maybe his/her love wouldn’t go unrequited.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 10
#15
Palomon
This note almost mocks itself.
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 24
#16
Resident Grammarian esq
I don’t know which is more offensive, her spelling or the fact that she didn’t switch to Facebook like everyone else
Feb 14, 2010 at 8:59 pm rating: 55
#17
Connie
This reminds me of a girl I met at camp who had a crush on Sonic the hedgehog. I was hoping those two kids would work it out, but it looks like he’s found another girl.
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 2
#18
Guh
Am I the only one who was thoroughly confused about the sexes and sexualities of pretty much everyone in this note?
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 91
#19
Mishee™
I got nothin’
It’s all just so self explanatory..
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 4
#20
dixiechick
Sonic, sweetie boo, an apartment bulletin board is NOT an earlier-generation version of MySpace.
(Or maybe it is?)
Team May I Have An Envelope, Please?!
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:17 pm rating: 15
#21
Lori
When she blocks you on MySpace…she’s truly not that into you. Gosh, I wonder why not?
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 4
#22
BurstingAtTheSeams
Sonic… boo…
Sonic …boom?
Feb 14, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 8
#23
Canthz_B
Dear Deseray,
I never knew I could fall for a slut the way I’ve fallen for you.
It is my hope that by posting your exploits on the bulletin board inside the building where you lay your head, you will come to know that I have no clue that you were just using me to make others jealous. That I’m so slow-witted, that I don’t even understand the concept of “personal information”.
And that my love is so truly blind, I’m only thinking of myself and have given no thought to your feelings.
Sonic,
ur Boob forever. ♥
Feb 14, 2010 at 10:02 pm rating: 35
#24
Mel K
I don’t know what makes Valentine’s Day worse for me. My guess is that he wrote it when she wouldn’t answer her door. I hope it wasn’t raining.
Is it a) that Charles could be dumb enough to think that this letter was going to win back Deseray’s affections or b) that by the end of writing this note he did not figure out that he was being used. You’d think the penny would have dropped, he would’ve cursed all women and spent the money he saved up for Deseray’s chocolates on beer.
Both make my heart heavy.
Feb 14, 2010 at 11:58 pm rating: 12
#25
Canthz_B
The scary thing here is that this is a page from a spiral-bound notebook, something normally carried by students and aspiring rap artists..
Scarier still is that the writer may have good grades, or a lucrative recording contract!
Feb 15, 2010 at 2:29 am rating: 9
#26
Clark
Ladies and gentleman, texting is rotting the brains of our youth and this is proof.
Feb 15, 2010 at 3:33 am rating: 7
#27
infant tyrone
A partial list of people who, thankfully, will probably never see this note:
10. Dale Ellis
9. Paul Silas
8. Shawn Kemp
7. Gary Payton
6. John Johnson
5. Lonnie Shelton
4. Jack Sikma
3. Dennis Johnson
2. Gus Williams
1. Patti Smith
Feb 15, 2010 at 3:44 am rating: 2
#28
nicolas
I don’t know whether he can’t spell “Désiree” correctly, or if it’s an intentional misspelling like y’all Americans like to make. Please pick a side.
Feb 15, 2010 at 3:46 am rating: 5
#29
Sof
I swear, reading this is so much better if you’re doing the 1920′s-gangster-with-a-lisp accent.
Feb 15, 2010 at 5:19 am rating: 11
#30
jfruh
“mean’t” = greatest misuse of the apostrophe in human history
Feb 15, 2010 at 7:05 am rating: 26
#31
Matt
Jeebus…punctuation!
Feb 15, 2010 at 7:34 am rating: 1
#32
anglophile
I just hate it when I get peer-pressured into dating someone other than my one true love.
Feb 15, 2010 at 7:35 am rating: 18
#33
Gavin
I like how he’s put a date next to the I love you message at the top, got a feeling this one’s fickle…
♪ … will you still love me tommorow… ♪
Feb 15, 2010 at 8:30 am rating: 2
#34
sleeps
Some points of interest: Charles’ ‘nickname’ is ‘RIP Grandad Lover & Sonic Master Forever’…? Grandad Lover? Is that what the kids are into these days?
Also, a note he has posted on Deseray’s wall:
“i hear ur in Mexico how is it and is cory with u… WAT AM I SAYING OF COURSE HE IS WHY WOULDN’T HE OR SHE BE ”
Even Charles doesn’t know the genders/sexualities of the parties involved.
Feb 15, 2010 at 9:48 am rating: 4
#35
anglophile
Charles has been visiting Lemon Party a little too often.
(If you’re at work, I wouldn’t suggest googling it)
Feb 15, 2010 at 9:55 am rating: 2
#36
anglophile
I see she makes $250,000 and up. In the profession of “no worries, mate”. Right.
Feb 15, 2010 at 9:59 am rating: 1
#37
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
This belongs at http://www.foundmagazine.com/!
Feb 15, 2010 at 10:39 am rating: 1
#38
GhostWriter
He’s playing her.
How do I know? Rather than tear his note cleanly along the pre-perforated margin, he instead chose to rip it sloppily from its spiral binding.
Bad Form, Sonic!
Feb 15, 2010 at 12:22 pm rating: 1
#39
Sparkles23
As a former teacher of students with this style of *ahem* writing, I”m impressed that he included a date, a greeting, and a closing on his…um letter.
Feb 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm rating: 15
#40
True Love?!
Dat love and affection rubbed of on me at da club. Well at least I was horny, I get those mixed up.
“Deseray.. WHYYYY!!!”
*as he opens celephane and inserts a crack rock into his pipe tucked away in pants lining*
Feb 15, 2010 at 3:21 pm rating: 0
#41
dc76
I’ve never posted here until now.
Wow. Just…words cannot express how horrifying this is. The grammarnazi in me is screaming in terror right now.
And I love how he goes from being madly in love to please add me back as a friend on myspace! *big eyeroll* The fact that it was pinned to a board in an apartment building makes it even more frightening. If I hadn’t known that, I’d say this was junior high school! (I wonder if the note writer made it that far in his education).
young whippersnappers and their social sites! In my day, the only social site was a place you actually went to and talked to people in person!
And I just noticed that he uses no periods, but has correct comma placement in several places. WTF is up with THAT? Is he going for the world’s record in longest run-on ever?
Feb 15, 2010 at 3:45 pm rating: 2
#42
park rose
The post asking her to marry him (via My Space apps.) means his affection is still strong, after almost a year. And she unblocked him, obviously. I haven’t read the comments yet, but will, and edit this if it’s already ben posted – but the story is that Deseray cheated on Cory with Charles, and then Cory cheated on Deseray with Charles and it evolved into something more, but Cory won out and went back to/never left Deseray. Deseray was the best girlfriend Charles had ever had, but I wonder if Deseray ever thought of him as her boyfriend?
A very literal post from me. I’m intrigued by the mystery.
And this from the wall. I hope I put the commas in the right places.
So, is Cory out of the picture now, too? Or is ‘bitch’ being used generically? Or does the gender confusion still remain?
Feb 15, 2010 at 5:06 pm rating: 0
#43
eslinger
Re: #38.3 – sleeps
As if I’d take a plane. I’d take a bus!
Feb 15, 2010 at 9:24 pm rating: 3
#44
SAP-er for life
As a life-long resident of the Twin Cities, I have to wonder if this note was found in the Crack Stacks. Oh, the joys of SUPER ATTRACTIVE (seriously, look up a picture on Google), 70′s era, brutalist style architecture!
Feb 15, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 0
#45
hello!
I used to live in Minneapolis. She mentions “district” in the letter. As in District 202 which is a gay youth group hang out place. Charles is FEMALE! and this place is 21 and under so I’m guessing she’s about 18.
Feb 16, 2010 at 4:17 am rating: 2
#46
HDVTech
He’s the rapper Charles Hamilton. Charles Hamilton has a hard-on for Sonic:
http://www.konsolekingz.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/crash-landed-front.jpg
He claims that Sonic is his “philosophy”
Seriously…
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:04 am rating: 0
#47
Julie
I usually only see spelling like this from the chav British teenagers on Yahoo! Answers.
I also live in Minneapolis and while the Crack Stacks did not immediately come to mind for me, it isn’t a bad guess!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riverside_Plaza
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:35 am rating: 1
#48
ryan0mega
is it just me or is that a really good scanner. i’d like to get one like that. can someone ask what model it is?
Feb 16, 2010 at 1:42 pm rating: 0
#49
Kristi
Wait, so people really talk like that?
Also, way to go Teddie! You ripped this off the bulletin board..what if “Desiray” hadn’t seen it yet?! How is she going to know that her “boo, Sonic” thinks she’s the MUDAFUCKING ONE? You are a murderer of love! I hope you’re happy.
Feb 16, 2010 at 6:26 pm rating: 2
#50
sirius
The “District” referred to here (where Deseray danced with all those other girls) is District 202, a GLBT youth center which has dances and drag shows on Friday and Saturday nights.
Let me tell you, the drama out of that place is amazing, and the notes are epic.
Feb 17, 2010 at 7:26 am rating: 1
#51
Liz
Wow…this must be the last thing James Joyce ever wrote.
Feb 17, 2010 at 10:15 am rating: 5
#52
Slvrchelsea
There’s just so much to say about this. Where to begin?
Mar 1, 2010 at 12:56 am rating: 0
#53
Eckle
What are the odds this guy’s a creepy acquaintance and “Deseray” just cried on his shoulder or gave him a hug once?
Mar 1, 2010 at 6:05 pm rating: 0
#54
JS
Am I the only one who thought of Frank Zappa’s “Deseri” song when reading this?
http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/frank_zappa/deseri-lyrics-150813.html
Mar 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm rating: 0
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