“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)
Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.
Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!
![[365-157] Toast](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3046/2999173231_2972d0ff0f.jpg)
related: Especially Deborah
extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]
106 responses so far ↓
#1
Peasant
Turn the toaster down when you want to use it. I’m trying to grill a steak in it.
Just like with the toilet seat, it’s a “look before you leap” situation.
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:33 pm rating: 53
#2
Gunderson
How do you burn the toaster? Do you toast the toaster itself?
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:35 pm rating: 6
#3
blue eyes
Some of us like dark toast. Look before you leap, bitch.
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:36 pm rating: 18
#4
Wade
♫ Now there’s no secret to toasting perfection,
There’s a dial on the side and you make your selection,
Push to the dark or the light and then,
If it pops too soon press down again,
Make toast.
Yeah TOAST!! Yeah TOAST!! ♫
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm rating: 36
#5
tomiddes
Ah, toaster abuse, one of the many things I don’t miss about working in an office environment.
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm rating: 2
#6
The Great Joe Bivins
Toasters are by far the simplest kitchen appliance, why do people have such trouble with them?
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:46 pm rating: 7
#7
Mark
This sounds like a job for Powdered Toast MAAAAN!!!
Feb 16, 2010 at 5:52 pm rating: 19
#8
park rose
Oo-eck, crumbs Chief!
Feb 16, 2010 at 6:01 pm rating: 4
#9
sleeps
Frakkin’ toasters.
Feb 16, 2010 at 6:06 pm rating: 10
#10
Fridge Pirate
The dark and crumby toast was fucking delicious!
Feb 16, 2010 at 6:25 pm rating: 2
#11
shwonline
DO NOT LEAVE THE TOASTER UNATTENDED
Geez, what kind of trouble do they expect that toaster to get into?
Feb 16, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 12
#12
Tom
Do not leave the toaster unattended.
Sounds like an invitation to sit there watching it all day and do no work.
Feb 16, 2010 at 7:05 pm rating: 13
#13
Dribble
If you like your toast light then turn the knob down you knob!!!! duhhhhhhh
Feb 16, 2010 at 7:28 pm rating: 7
#14
Kelly
A toaster is a privilege, not a right.
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:13 pm rating: 3
#15
Rebelcat
We set a LOT of toasters on fire when I was a kid. I got real handy at grabbing that box of baking soda and dumping it over the flames.
The problem was that my mother didn’t realize that toasters have crumb traps that need to be emptied every so often.
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:48 pm rating: 2
#16
aaa
The frowny burnt toast is fucking adorable. It looks like something that should be made into a character in Japan and put on stationary and lunchboxes and made into plushes and shit. Yeah.
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:51 pm rating: 11
#17
Wade
I think it could handle being left unattended.
Looks like a brave little toaster to me.
Feb 16, 2010 at 8:52 pm rating: 25
#18
wah hoo
That last note would have me making special trips to the break room just to turn the toaster up.
Team check-the-setting-before-you-toast
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 5
#19
farcical aquatic ceremony
unattended toasters will be given an espresso and a…
oops–wrong PAN…
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 11
#20
Canthz_B
I wonder what toasted sedatives taste like?
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:36 pm rating: 3
#21
Canthz_B
What’s wrong with these people?
My kids were cleaning out hot toasters by the time they were 3 months old!!
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:38 pm rating: 22
#22
farcical aquatic ceremony
I’m not on Team-”ashamed”-on peach paper, but I’m betting that the guy/gal who wrote the “sedative” note doesn’t actually go back to clean the tray after it cools down. If confronted about his crumbs now–months, possibly years after these notes were written–I’m betting “sedative” would say something along the lines of: “I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it!!” and “Take a CHILL PILL already!!” and “the tray is very nearly at room temperature now!”. Asswipe.
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 5
#23
Canthz_B
You know you have a crappy employer when they act like they just gave everyone a $1500.00 bonus over a $15.00 toaster.
One so sorry that you can’t even leave it alone for the length of time it takes to brown an English muffin.
Feb 16, 2010 at 9:59 pm rating: 8
#24
Canthz_B
A smart employer would just supply powdered toast.
Feb 16, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 1
#25
anglophile
This is why you can’t leave toasters unattended.
Feb 16, 2010 at 10:30 pm rating: 5
#26
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
Could it be that turning the toaster all the way up is a passive aggressive protest against keeping the bread in the freezer?
Feb 16, 2010 at 10:37 pm rating: 7
#27
Fiyah
Toast is SERIOUS BUSINESS, people. Don’t make the mistake of not taking it seriously, or much woe will befall you.
Feb 16, 2010 at 11:47 pm rating: 3
#28
Canthz_B
That toast looks uncannily like the image on the Shroud of Turin.
Jesus Christ on a cracker wasn’t too far off the mark after all.
Feb 17, 2010 at 1:01 am rating: 4
#29
Geek Goddess
I don’t see what the problem is, as long as the toaster is wearing shoes and socks at all times.
Feb 17, 2010 at 1:58 am rating: 5
#30
Havingfitz
According to Dave Barry, if you put in strawberry Pop-Tarts and hold the handle down so they can’t pop up, they catch on fire and shoot out flames 4 feet into the air. He claims to have tested this theory personally.
Feb 17, 2010 at 7:22 am rating: 3
#31
JMonkey78
Okay everytime I go to the dang toaster someone has turned the freakin dial to nuclear holocaust, “Thank you Terry”. Now my toast looks like it was made at Chernobyl.
Feb 17, 2010 at 8:38 am rating: 3
#32
kate
Ryan started the fi-ah!
Feb 17, 2010 at 11:15 am rating: 7
#33
Gandalf
In my younger days, some people I knew, not me of course, would dry their home grown out in my…I mean their…toaster oven. I noticed once that the toaster oven had a BAKE setting, but it wasn’t the same…
Feb 17, 2010 at 2:29 pm rating: 2
#34
Rachel
When I worked for child protective services everyone was very respectful of the shared toaster and microwave. But I did accidentally incinerate my home toaster once (but fortunately not the whole kitchen). However, no toaster abuse charges were filed. It had a lever you pushed down and it got stuck so it stayed on until we noticed the flames. For your own safety get a toaster with a better control switch.
Feb 17, 2010 at 7:55 pm rating: 0
#35
Wordtinker doesnt smith
Set to Armageddon, toasters make some mean roasted marshmallows. You need to be diligent about keeping the marshmallows turned before the varnish on the upper cabinets goes up in flames. Ah well, I wanted new cabinets anyway.
Feb 17, 2010 at 9:27 pm rating: 1
#36
Canthz_B
If a watched pot never boils, does a watched toaster ever brown?
Feb 18, 2010 at 12:00 am rating: 0
#37
S
“I only did what was asked of me”. Says toaster.
Feb 18, 2010 at 6:25 am rating: 1
#38
Bethany
Oh my god, I hate the toaster temperature argument. It’s knob. It turns pretty easily. Check it before you stick your bread in the toaster and change it if you need to. How frickin’ hard is that to do? I do it every time I make toast because the housemate who throws a bitchfit about me not turning it back to the why-are-you-bothering-if-you-just-want-warm-bread-use-the-microwave setting after I actually toast my bread can’t be bothered to turn it back to the real-toast setting.
(Obviously, this argument is a two-way street akin to the over-under toilet paper roll argument, and I’m on the “check it, change it, toast my bread, don’t talk to her, and leave it on setting #4 because I know it annoys her” side of the road.)
Feb 18, 2010 at 11:03 am rating: 2
#39
Vintage_K
So burning toast and leaving toasters unattended means you’re toast?! Well I’ll be damned.
Feb 18, 2010 at 2:22 pm rating: 2
#40
ISpy
The fact is, most office toasters originate in the kitchens of employees. After years of use at home, and upon demonstrating lack of consistent performance given the knob setting, they are retired to break rooms across this fine land, and are passed off as “new” by management. I know this because all my old toasters have been put to out to pasture at my place of employment. Wake up, America!
Feb 18, 2010 at 11:45 pm rating: 4
#41
Slvrchelsea
That first note sounds like DCF has taken said toaster away from it’s parents and are giving them another chance at raising little Toastie… but it’s only going to take one more “incident” and little Toastie’s off to foster care!!!
Mar 1, 2010 at 12:47 am rating: 1
#42 Why can’t I turn this toaster on? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse? [...]
Nov 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm rating: 0
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