I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

February 16th, 2010 · 106 comments

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: By popular demand, management has agreed to provide a toaster for your use. Please remember to exercise care in using this toaster. Do not leave the toasted unattended. If the toaster is abused - and it will take only one incidence of negligence*** - this toaster will be taken away for good. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. ***I.E. YOU BURN IT, YOU LOSE IT!

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative. Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

[365-157] Toast

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster


106 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Peasant

    Turn the toaster down when you want to use it. I’m trying to grill a steak in it.

    Just like with the toilet seat, it’s a “look before you leap” situation.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:33 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ethnic Avenue

      Reply from Fat, Lazy Office Lady:

      “But I want to be able to minimize the amount of incidental exercise I could get around the office, including but not limited to:

      1. Getting up to go to the printer to pick up my wastefu,l ream-sized print-out of something that didn’t need to be printed;

      2. Flushing once, turning around to check the toilet, and then flushing again if necessary;

      3. Adjusting the settings on shared office appliances, with the understanding that it’s hypocritical to claim someone else is being selfish, when what I want–to have them remain on my favorite settings–is equally, if not more, selfish.”

      Feb 16, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   heh

      a) That toast is really, really burnt. Not just a little.

      b) That looks like a guy’s handwriting

      c) Why does it have to be a fat, lazy office lady? I can think of dozens of stereotypes (for example douchebag with a cell phone or bluetooth headset clamped to his ear 24/7, still talking as he writes the note) of people who I could see posting this note

      d) I think the sad little toast is cute

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:12 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Bethany

      The toast is not really, really burnt. It’s a dark golden brown. Really, really burnt is black. But that’s a matter of taste. So the question remains: What kind of nincompoop doesn’t check the toast setting and assumes everybody likes their toast on the lighter side? I vote for the kind that lacks common sense in the first place.

      Feb 18, 2010 at 11:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Maas

      The toast looks the way bread looks when placed in a toaster which has been adjusted to toast a bagel.

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   doug

      100% agrees with peasant!

      Feb 19, 2010 at 7:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Gunderson

    How do you burn the toaster? Do you toast the toaster itself?

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose bang

      You send a troll around to flame it.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 5:58 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      You could use cigarettes, but watch out for the folks from Toaster Protective Services.
      They could put your toaster in a foster kitchen.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 10:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Folksy McBride bang

      Someone get me the butter — this toaster toaster is toast!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Mo® bang

      “You’re a shitty toaster why you are not even convection capable!” Now that is a burn!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Maas

      Toaster abuse is a serious problem in this country.

      Also, unattended toasters will be given a shot of espresso and a puppy.

      Feb 18, 2010 at 3:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   blue eyes

    Some of us like dark toast. Look before you leap, bitch.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:36 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   G

      No, no. Dark toast is just wrong. You don’t really like it, you’re just mistaken. So stop changing the toaster settings AND get a clue.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 6:07 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   shesajem

      What’s black toast… seriously….

      Feb 16, 2010 at 6:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   PunkyPower

      I had an elderly neighbor who ate breakfast in a restaurant every day and ordered burnt toast. It didn’t even have a smiley face on it.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Canthz_B bang

      My step-father used to say that burnt toast is good for your stomach.

      But then, he grew up during the Depression and reused paper towels.

      Waste not. Want not. Eat that damned burnt bread you picky little brat!

      Feb 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Folksy McBride bang

      CB: your stomach = his wallet

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Meesh

      I love burnt toast! The darker the better. I like to turn the dial to the darkest setting and then, you know what I do, Eddie? I giggle my motherf***ing ass off.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 7:34 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Devika

      @Canthz_B: I never thought about burnt toast and reusing paper towels being a Depression Era thing before, but now that I think about, my grandparents will eat burnt toast without a second thought and they always reuse paper towels (and aluminum foil and jelly jars and coffee cans…)

      Feb 17, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   The Commish

      @Meesh: Kudos for the “Delirious” reference. I try to squeeze one in at least once a day.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   BrookeDiz

      There’s nothing worse than floppy white “toast” painted light yellow with a butter brush. Man up!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   park rose bang

      Love it, BrookeDiz.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   Canthz_B bang

      Devika, you should see the mileage my mom gets out of a teabag!
      Oh, and she washes disposable plastic cups. After every cookout, I’d have to crack the plastic cups or I’d be stuck washing them! :lol:

      Feb 17, 2010 at 10:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Wade bang

    Now there’s no secret to toasting perfection,
    There’s a dial on the side and you make your selection,
    Push to the dark or the light and then,
    If it pops too soon press down again,
    Make toast.

    Yeah TOAST!! Yeah TOAST!!

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Dory

      I gave a big ol’ thumbs up to the Heywood Banks tribute.

      He came to Cedar Rapids a couple times to the Penguin’s Comedy Club. Always a great show. My brother worked there at the time and later he told me, “I was all excited to meet Heywood but it turns out he’s kind of an arrogant dick.”

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   tomiddes

    Ah, toaster abuse, one of the many things I don’t miss about working in an office environment.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Folksy McBride bang

      tomiddes,

      Why can’t the FBI set up a sexual-predator-like data base for toaster abusers? It’s the “not knowing” that keeps otherwise well-qualified professionals like yourself from rejoining the office worker community.

      I suspect that if someone could just convince NBC’s Chris Hansen to do one season of “To Catch A Toaster Abuser,” and put a few dozen of the sick freaks on national television, this problem would decrease dramatically.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:46 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   The Great Joe Bivins

    Toasters are by far the simplest kitchen appliance, why do people have such trouble with them?

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Folksy McBride bang

      TGJB:

      These sickos think the toasters look sexy!

      (The warm, open slots.)

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:48 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   park rose bang

      Sickos? Really? Everyone knows that toasters are slots. Not only warm and open, but cheap and easy. Some of them are smokin’ hot, too, in that slotty kind of way.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 3:41 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Amanda

      I think it’s because… people are stupid.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Mark bang

    This sounds like a job for Powdered Toast MAAAAN!!!

    Feb 16, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Powdered Toast Man

      Leave everything to me!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Vintage_K bang

      POWDERED TOAST MAN! Mark, you’re f*cking great! :lol:

      Feb 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   park rose bang

    Oo-eck, crumbs Chief!

    Feb 16, 2010 at 6:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   G

      What’s that, Penfold?

      Feb 16, 2010 at 8:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   park rose bang

      Someone stuck a knife to the toaster, now the sparks are really going to fly.

      Cor, Chief, you’ve got a banana on your head.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 9:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   sleeps

    Frakkin’ toasters.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 6:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Fridge Pirate

    The dark and crumby toast was fucking delicious!

    Feb 16, 2010 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   shwonline bang

    DO NOT LEAVE THE TOASTER UNATTENDED

    Geez, what kind of trouble do they expect that toaster to get into?

    Feb 16, 2010 at 7:03 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose bang

      It’s a well known fact that Mr. Brown, the accountant, walks around with a ruler in his back pocket. He uses this when the lights go out music comes on to make sure that the toaster and the refrigerator are the requisite ten centimetres (3.93″) apart during the slow dance. Can’t have them pashin’ now. If unattended, the consequences of so much fire and ice could be dire.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 7:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   park rose bang

      *lights go out and the music comes on*

      Feb 16, 2010 at 7:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Bunnee

      Shwonline, everyone knows that if you leave a toaster unattended, it will be given a free kitten. Mmmm, toasty kittehs!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 9:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Tom

    Do not leave the toaster unattended.

    Sounds like an invitation to sit there watching it all day and do no work.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Folksy McBride bang

      Yeah … Tom … You do that.

      Do you really want to meet Chris Hansen?

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Dribble

    If you like your toast light then turn the knob down you knob!!!! duhhhhhhh

    Feb 16, 2010 at 7:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Kelly

    A toaster is a privilege, not a right.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 8:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Rebelcat

    We set a LOT of toasters on fire when I was a kid. I got real handy at grabbing that box of baking soda and dumping it over the flames.

    The problem was that my mother didn’t realize that toasters have crumb traps that need to be emptied every so often.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 8:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   park rose bang

      Hey, Rebelcat, if you knew where the baking soda was, then maybe you knew where the crumb traps were? Though I know kids’ logic doesn’t go that way (mine never did). I’m figuring you grew older as one toaster replaced another. Plus, if your mother never realized I guess she never taught you. Pesky crumb traps. I forget them all the time, too.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 9:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Folksy McBride bang

      @Rebelcat: Why were you baking soda?

      Feb 17, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Rebelcat

      I figured the crumb traps out by myself, but as a junior pyromaniac I was hugely entertained by seeing flames leap out of the toaster every couple of months.

      I showed my mother where to find the crumb traps just before I moved out of the house. ;-)

      Feb 17, 2010 at 7:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Bethany

      Frosted PopTarts also flame up quite nicely.

      Feb 18, 2010 at 11:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   aaa bang

    The frowny burnt toast is fucking adorable. It looks like something that should be made into a character in Japan and put on stationary and lunchboxes and made into plushes and shit. Yeah.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 8:51 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Meesh

      Those Japanese and their plushies… God love ‘em.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 7:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Pterosaur

      Aww. Don’t be sad Mr. Frowny Toast. We didn’t mean to burn ya.

      Now all we need is an inappropriately alluring Japanese schoolgirl to nibble on Mr. Frowny Toast and activate his magic powers.

      Anime Gold.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 10:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   squidburger

      There is a Burnt Bread character in Japan, named Koge Pan. He’s actually a burnt red bean cake, but his name means burnt bread. And he’s all over stationary and cell phones and lunch boxes. http://www.lazyjuice.com/!/kogepan/

      Feb 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Wade bang

    I think it could handle being left unattended.

    Looks like a brave little toaster to me.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 8:52 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   park rose bang

      That is until the facade begins to crumble. It might be brave, but it can’t handle a good grilling.

      Feb 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   park rose bang

      Damn it! It’s a quote. I should google before posting. Edit function, please…
      *sigh* If you can’t handle the heat…

      Feb 16, 2010 at 9:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Wade bang

      …you will probably burn down the breakroom, if left unattended.

      just sayin’. ;)

      Feb 16, 2010 at 9:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   park rose bang

      I know. Where’s my flamethrower? I’ve been itching to use it all day. And another thing, what’s up with this nice white jacket with the zips that they’ve coerced me into wearing?

      Feb 17, 2010 at 3:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   wah hoo

    That last note would have me making special trips to the break room just to turn the toaster up.

    Team check-the-setting-before-you-toast

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   farcical aquatic ceremony

    unattended toasters will be given an espresso and a…
    oops–wrong PAN…

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    I wonder what toasted sedatives taste like?

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   park rose bang

      In the case of anti-depressants (which are not sedatives, I know) we’ll never know. The only way with those is up, though they might fry the neurotransmitters if you take too many.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 3:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Bunnee

      Anyone who uses 15 underlines in a 17 word note does need a sedative. And then send some to me, because all these burned toast crumbs are driving me effin CRAZY!

      Feb 17, 2010 at 10:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    What’s wrong with these people?
    My kids were cleaning out hot toasters by the time they were 3 months old!!

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   matty-wat

      One of my favorite comments of all time!

      Feb 16, 2010 at 10:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   infant tyrone bang

      …all the while using the manufacturer-recommended safety equipment and attired appropriately.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 3:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   clumber

      Curse you, CB! I had a nice bitchy pissy angry day going here at work. Hell, even my boss is afraid to approach me and then you have to make me SPIT TAKE LAUGH… ruins my damn cred.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   LordOfThePants

      I sure hope you weren’t a BAD PARENT and provided them with temperature-appropriate oven mitts.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Canthz_B bang

      LOTP, they were fine. I made them wear asbestos Dr. Dentons. If they balked at putting them on, I’d lop off a finger.

      Saved me a fortune in music lessons later on.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   farcical aquatic ceremony

    I’m not on Team-”ashamed”-on peach paper, but I’m betting that the guy/gal who wrote the “sedative” note doesn’t actually go back to clean the tray after it cools down. If confronted about his crumbs now–months, possibly years after these notes were written–I’m betting “sedative” would say something along the lines of: “I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it!!” and “Take a CHILL PILL already!!” and “the tray is very nearly at room temperature now!”. Asswipe.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    You know you have a crappy employer when they act like they just gave everyone a $1500.00 bonus over a $15.00 toaster.
    One so sorry that you can’t even leave it alone for the length of time it takes to brown an English muffin.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    A smart employer would just supply powdered toast.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 10:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   anglophile bang

    This is why you can’t leave toasters unattended.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 10:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

    Could it be that turning the toaster all the way up is a passive aggressive protest against keeping the bread in the freezer?

    Feb 16, 2010 at 10:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   infant tyrone bang

      Yes, in any given instance it could be that…or they could just like well-done toast.

      More often, though, my hypothesis is that it is a corollary of turning a heating or A/C thermostat all the way up or down in the frighteningly-close-to-magical thinking that it is like a car’s gas pedal and that
      doing so will achieve the desired climate conditions sooner.

      Sure, knowing that such people are legally able to procreate in their late teens cranks hard on the future’s dimmer knob, but the thing that seriously whacks the vibrato bar of the Now is that some of these toaster notes are in office buildings that affect some or all of our daily lives.

      When you’re born, you get a ticket to the freak show. George Carlin

      These officers come gibbering into the queer bar don’t even know what buttons to push. William S. Burroughs

      Feb 17, 2010 at 5:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Fiyah

    Toast is SERIOUS BUSINESS, people. Don’t make the mistake of not taking it seriously, or much woe will befall you.

    Feb 16, 2010 at 11:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    That toast looks uncannily like the image on the Shroud of Turin.

    Jesus Christ on a cracker wasn’t too far off the mark after all.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   park rose bang

      Billy Graham – Jesus Christ channelled through a cracker.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Geek Goddess

    I don’t see what the problem is, as long as the toaster is wearing shoes and socks at all times.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 1:58 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Havingfitz

    According to Dave Barry, if you put in strawberry Pop-Tarts and hold the handle down so they can’t pop up, they catch on fire and shoot out flames 4 feet into the air. He claims to have tested this theory personally.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 7:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Meesh

      It’s all the high fructose corn syrup that causes that.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 7:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   infant tyrone bang

      ..flames 4 feet into the air.
      …high fructose corn syrup…

      Barry got 1564 on his SAT’s…true, HFCS has a lot to do with it, but
      Dave also has the brains to perform his demonstrations only within
      about 10 Km. of an approaching Florida hurricane front.

      The attendant low pressure pulls flame out of a PopTart with a ferocity rivaled only by that of the chrome becoming delaminated from a cheaply made trailer hitch by the oral alchemy of Marilyn Chambers.

      Here in the Midwest, the longest flame we have achieved is 2.7 feet.
      A lass, e’en downhome Hanna Hilton, can’t compete with Mother Nature.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 9:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   JMonkey78 bang

    Okay everytime I go to the dang toaster someone has turned the freakin dial to nuclear holocaust, “Thank you Terry”. Now my toast looks like it was made at Chernobyl.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 8:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Geek Goddess

      Ooooohh!!!

      Toast with three eyes!

      http://www.urbanecoist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/simpsons-mutant-fish-blinky.jpg

      Feb 17, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Pterosaur

      I frequently set the toaster to Armageddon. Anything less and the eggs make the toast soggy. I hate it when someone sets it to Gentle Hug and my sad room-temperature bread pops right back up.

      Team Check the Fucking Little Knob.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 10:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   Mo® bang

      “fucking little knob”

      Feb 17, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Jim Bob

      Pterosaur, look I am not trying to keep you from having your burnt toast. I mean God forbid your toast gets soaked by your eggs (somehow this sounds sexual). I am just asking that you not break the nob by twisting it so far to the Dark Side that Darth Vader can’t eat it, and the local Fire Dept has to be called. You don’t clean the crumbs out either I bet. Shame on you.

      GG, as usual your comments have left me without one, but we (that would be me and all the voices in my head) love you just the same.

      Team Celibate Big Knob

      Feb 17, 2010 at 4:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   JMonkey78 bang

      Oh Jim Bob is me. Sorry for any confusion. My friend uses my computer, and he does not log in. He needs to geterdone.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 4:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   park rose bang

      See, no turning back if your toast has already reached Armageddon, but if your toast pops out like a gentle hug there’s still a chance to scorch that naive innocence from the face of the earth, right? Especially if it is your last two pieces of bread :(
      Signed: Very careless checker of anything, even though I’ve heard that knobs like being fiddled with.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 6:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   kate

    Ryan started the fi-ah!

    Feb 17, 2010 at 11:15 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Connie

      Guess they don’t teach you how to use a toaster oven in business school.

      Feb 17, 2010 at 11:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Gandalf

    In my younger days, some people I knew, not me of course, would dry their home grown out in my…I mean their…toaster oven. I noticed once that the toaster oven had a BAKE setting, but it wasn’t the same…

    Feb 17, 2010 at 2:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Rachel

    When I worked for child protective services everyone was very respectful of the shared toaster and microwave. But I did accidentally incinerate my home toaster once (but fortunately not the whole kitchen). However, no toaster abuse charges were filed. It had a lever you pushed down and it got stuck so it stayed on until we noticed the flames. For your own safety get a toaster with a better control switch.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 7:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or a smoke detector. ;-)

      Feb 18, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

    Set to Armageddon, toasters make some mean roasted marshmallows. You need to be diligent about keeping the marshmallows turned before the varnish on the upper cabinets goes up in flames. Ah well, I wanted new cabinets anyway.

    Feb 17, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Canthz_B bang

    If a watched pot never boils, does a watched toaster ever brown?

    Feb 18, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   S

    “I only did what was asked of me”. Says toaster.

    Feb 18, 2010 at 6:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Bethany

    Oh my god, I hate the toaster temperature argument. It’s knob. It turns pretty easily. Check it before you stick your bread in the toaster and change it if you need to. How frickin’ hard is that to do? I do it every time I make toast because the housemate who throws a bitchfit about me not turning it back to the why-are-you-bothering-if-you-just-want-warm-bread-use-the-microwave setting after I actually toast my bread can’t be bothered to turn it back to the real-toast setting.

    (Obviously, this argument is a two-way street akin to the over-under toilet paper roll argument, and I’m on the “check it, change it, toast my bread, don’t talk to her, and leave it on setting #4 because I know it annoys her” side of the road.)

    Feb 18, 2010 at 11:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Vintage_K bang

    So burning toast and leaving toasters unattended means you’re toast?! Well I’ll be damned.

    Feb 18, 2010 at 2:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   ISpy

    The fact is, most office toasters originate in the kitchens of employees. After years of use at home, and upon demonstrating lack of consistent performance given the knob setting, they are retired to break rooms across this fine land, and are passed off as “new” by management. I know this because all my old toasters have been put to out to pasture at my place of employment. Wake up, America!

    Feb 18, 2010 at 11:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Slvrchelsea

    That first note sounds like DCF has taken said toaster away from it’s parents and are giving them another chance at raising little Toastie… but it’s only going to take one more “incident” and little Toastie’s off to foster care!!!

    Mar 1, 2010 at 12:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Why can’t I turn this toaster on? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse? [...]

    Nov 8, 2011 at 9:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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