One more time now — what do I do with the cat?

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One more time now — what do I do with the cat?

February 18th, 2010 · 89 comments

“I don’t even like cats,” our submitter in San Francisco admits, “but reading the note made me want to go inside to see what someone would be so inclined to steal.”

FILED UNDER: cats · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · San Francisco · stealing

89 responses so far ↓

#1 Frankie

Actually the store belongs to the cat. Common misconception..

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:14 pm rating: 103

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- #1.1 infant tyrone
  
  Fudd’s First Law of Feline Association:
  When you hook up with a dog, you acquire a new family member.
  When you hook up with a cat, they acquire staff.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 5:59 pm rating: 35
- #1.2 G
  
  I’m disturbed by the concept of “hooking up” with a cat OR a dog.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 34
- #1.3 j
  
  especially when they are acquiring staff.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:34 pm rating: 13
- #1.4 infant tyrone
  
  G,
  If you’re going to be disturbed while hooking up with a dog or cat,
  please be discreet and keep your moments of disturb quite private.
  
  j,
  So, it’s OK for you to enjoy your private moment of disturb at the animal’s expense, but you’re not willing to reciprocate ? Just askin’
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:40 pm rating: 12
- #1.5 sleeps
  
  As long as no one acquires staph. That can be a bitch to get rid of.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 18
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#2 SmR

I sympathize. When our neighbors moved away they asked if they could take our cat with them. They asked us if they could move away with our pet. (At least they asked first, I guess?)

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm rating: 35

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- #2.1 Lori
  
  My cat actually came home with someone else’ collar. Weirdly, they had discovered that my “Mary” was a boy cat, and the tag said “Richard.”
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 11:36 pm rating: 10
- #2.2 Xenobiologista
  
  I agree, there are some idiots who think it’s OK to steal other people’s pets, especially if the animal is particularly cute or friendly. While this note is a bit forthright, if the store owners have had several escapes or catnappings it’s understandable.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 11:51 pm rating: 5
- #2.3 Folksy McBride
  
  Do I have to spell it out for you?
  
  There’s nothing worse than walking around with a cloudy finger of suspicion hanging over your head that has you pointed out as a “cat burglar.”
  
  Still, day after freaking day, there’s some dumbass somewwhere who is going to walk into a shop and just grab the cat.
  
  We see guys like this on the tv news every night. Doughy-faced lads who got caught up in the moment and did something both rash and foolish: “Duh…I didn’t think I’d get got, because I’m stupid.”
  
  Now. What about you? You want the cat? Here’s a better way.
  
  Put a mouse in your pocket. Walk into the shop. Pull out the mouse, stick it down your pants. Yeah, it’s going to tickle, but don’t laugh. And it might feel really good, too, so you could consider wearing a condom in case you get too excited. (The last thing you want to leave is a dollop of dna evidence on the crime scene. Besides that, someone could slip on it and injure themselves. How would you feel then)
  
  Obviously the mouse must be wearing a properly fitted mouse collar that comes equipped with a clear vinyl leash at least 14 feet in length.
  
  Hold onto the business end of the leash as the mouse makes its way down your leg.
  
  Once the cat sees the mouse, you tip your hat to the shopkeeper, mumble something about how lovely it was and so forth, then make your way out the door, mouse and cat on your heels.
  
  It’s wise to have a get-away vehicle waiting outside the shop. I prefer a freshly painted vintage milkman’s truck because you can just step into them naturally and the footstep is low enough for a scared mouse to jump onto, assuming his starting point is a sidewalk with a reasonably high curb.
  
  (I’ve learned that it’s best to keep the variance within 6 inches, unless you have access to illegal mice steroids.)
  
  Once the three of you are inside the truck, the driver takes you a few blocks away to a vacant parking lot where your alternative vehicle is camouflaged with tree branches, leaves, grass clippings, and manure. (The alternative vehicle can be of any make or model EXCEPT a milk truck).
  
  Then, switch vehicles, put the mouse in the glove box, and from there, it’s just a short drive home with your new cat. Congratulations, Dad!
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 4:33 am rating: 24
- #2.4 anglophile
  
  I don’t have a lot to cavil at with this method, Folksy.
  
  Except to say I really think “the business end of the leash” is the collar end.
  
  Other than that, I’m thinking you should make an instructional video and rent some time on tv. You’re sitting on a gold mine here. Or something.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 6:22 am rating: 8
- #2.5 tinkerbell2
  
  I misread ‘slip on it’ as ‘slip it on’. Ew.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 7:36 am rating: 0
- #2.6 matt
  
  #2.4 or maybe just a landmine
  
  Feb 21, 2010 at 9:43 am rating: 0
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#3 Beth

“Hi” CAT out side (underlined) !!!
What’s with all the “free-form” grammar ACTION??? then the second note, like “hey, and another thing about the CAT…you stupid cat letting out morons! What do they sell there anyway? Attitude?

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:21 pm rating: 3

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- #3.1 Folksy McBride
  
  While the sign writer is not the sharpest lightbulb at the picnic, there’s clearly something more than mere stupidity at play when it comes to sentences like:
  
  “Don’t Let The Cat go Out Side To You!!!”
  
  My best guess? Perhaps in the 1960s, the water supply was tainted with LSD-25 at the Home For Un-Wed Imbecile Mothers.
  
  And then, after the acid baby was born, somebody dropped him on his head.
  
  I’m
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 12:56 am rating: 3
- #3.2 park rose
  
  wonderful.
  Though I might just be having an acid ~~flashback~~ reflux.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:00 am rating: 1
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#4 Hmm...

Dear PLease.

I am aLLergic to Cats. So, is it okay to just wave and move on?

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:29 pm rating: 4

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#5 Bananna

i wonder if the cat wrote the note and if he did, did he do so in third person to avoid suspicion?

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:35 pm rating: 4

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- #5.1 Melissa
  
  We would be able to tell if the cat wrote the note because it would say:
  
  Kitteh Greetings: ur doin it wrong
  
  (or something)
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 34
- #5.2 laurie
  
  The grammar would be far worse in that case.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 8:48 am rating: 1
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#6 Ficus

I live a block away from here and have taken pictures of this sign but it never occurred to me to submit it to PAN.

Feb 18, 2010 at 5:43 pm rating: 0

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- #6.1 Supac
  
  So what’s the real deal with the cat?
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 10:25 pm rating: 0
- #6.2 Susannie
  
  Yes, do tell! And what do they sell?
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 2:39 am rating: 0
- #6.3 Canthz_B
  
  Wonders why the pictures were taken.
  Freaky-Deaky.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 3:43 am rating: 2
- #6.4 JMonkey78
  
  Sounds like a catnip shop.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 10:27 am rating: 0
- #6.5 matty-wat
  
  I am guessing it is either an indie coffee shop or used-book store. Either way I am imagining the unmistakable smell of patchouli .
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 10:39 am rating: 5
- #6.6 catburglar
  
  So…uh…where is this store, exactly? Just, you know, curious…
  
  Feb 20, 2010 at 9:20 pm rating: 5
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#7 Tim Kolb

Who let the cat out? Ooh!Ooh! Ooh! Who let the cat out?

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:26 pm rating: 18

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#8 anglophile

So, the store sells cat pictures?

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:29 pm rating: 1

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- #8.1 farcical aquatic ceremony
  
  Oh, no–those aren’t pictures, those are ACTUAL CATS smooshed flat onto canvas; whydya think the cat wants outta there?!?
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:15 pm rating: 9
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#9 Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

Apparently somebody misunderstands the meaning of the phrase “cat-nap.”

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:31 pm rating: 5

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#10 thrall

Instead of being bitchy, maybe they should leave the cat safely at home and away from strangers who may open the door )-:

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:33 pm rating: 4

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- #10.1 Meesh
  
  Are you kidding? That’s much too responsible. It’s better to expect strangers to protect your pets rather than do so yourself.
  
  Just ask any of the thousands of Dbags who let their dogs roam free instead of fencing them in.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 7:28 am rating: 5
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#11 shwonline

By popular demand, this store has agreed to provide a CAT for your use.
Please remember to exercise care in using this CAT.

DO NOT leave the CAT unattended.

If this CAT is abused — and it will take only one incidence of negligence *** — this CAT will be taken away for good.

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

*** i.e. you burn it, you lose it!

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 33

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- #11.1 Wade
  
  NEDM
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:00 pm rating: 5
- #11.2 sleeps
  
  Bastards. Probably tried to lure him out with chapstick.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 2
- #11.3 Gandalf
  
  Attention:
  
  All unattended cats will be given a 2-year old child and an espresso.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm rating: 11
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#12 Schrödinger

You won’t know if the cat is dead or alive until you open that door…

Feb 18, 2010 at 6:39 pm rating: 26

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- #12.1 Wade
  
  I would be disinclined to open the door of a store rigged to release poison.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 6:59 pm rating: 6
- #12.2 Schrödinger
  
  It’s an interesting business model, all right.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:01 pm rating: 2
- #12.3 Wade
  
  Theoretically, the store should sell string.
  
  Or not.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 12
- #12.4 infant tyrone
  
  If they don’t sell string, people can get it around the 11-dimensional corner where wheelchair Steven is hawking the laces out of his oxfords.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 7
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#13 Connie

At the very least, if you are going to let the CAT outside, at least put some shoes and socks on him! I see you’re all bundled up.

Feb 18, 2010 at 7:10 pm rating: 23

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- #13.1 park rose
  
  I feel that this comment unfairly favours Puss in Boots and all those ‘tuxedo’ and ‘mitted’ cats who are lucky enough to have the socks as part of their genetic make-up. Puss in Boots goes one further. You will be hearing from the sockless among us and the rest of the mongrel mix. Be warned.
  
  By the way, if is The CAT, maybe it is Puss in Boots. Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots. That cat’s got some swash in his buckle for sure.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:09 am rating: 4
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#14 jugga jugga

yo just givin a shout out to all the jugglas out there! much luv to ma clowns!!

Feb 18, 2010 at 7:28 pm rating: 1

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- #14.1 JMonkey78
  
  really!
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 9:13 am rating: 2
- #14.2 Juffalo
  
  Woot Woot!
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 10:55 am rating: 1
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#15 Q

My question is, how desperate are these crazy cat people nowadays that they’ll start up a cat stealing ring to steal away random cats from their homes?

Feb 18, 2010 at 7:52 pm rating: 3

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#16 Beth

I think it’s a CAT petting store!!! OR maybe a waY to get you in the DOOR and then roll you and TAKE all your KIBBLES!!! thank you & have a good day.

Feb 18, 2010 at 8:47 pm rating: 0

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#17 shesajem

The hippy in me wants to free the cat!!

Feb 18, 2010 at 8:51 pm rating: 3

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- #17.1 Mel K
  
  This cat is trapped!!! I want to free the cat too.
  
  I can’t begin to imagine how one would Steal Any Cat. They just would make a fuss, hiss, and scratch you.
  
  Any Cat would definitely run away from Any Owner who has to use so many exclamation points. I doubt they have a Cat Door.
  
  Feb 18, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 2
- #17.2 JMonkey78
  
  I love it when hippy’s free the kitty, that means everyone gonna have a good time.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm rating: 1
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#18 Canthz_B

Sure. Have a good day. Like tha’s possible now, knowing that there is an uncaring and unloving business establishment which has ownership of a living thing.
Cats need love and affection, a store can only offer it a 20% discount.

Feb 18, 2010 at 11:23 pm rating: 3

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#19 Canthz_B

They probably shouldn’t have called he store “The Bag”.
Someone is always going to let the cat out of “The Bag”.

Feb 18, 2010 at 11:28 pm rating: 12

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- #19.1 park rose
  
  Well, it used to be a jive store, but there wasn’t enough room for a cat to swing, and all that jazz.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 12:56 am rating: 9
- #19.2 Canthz_B
  
  I’m so hep to that, rose.
  They even tried selling rugs, but couldn’t cut it.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 4
- #19.3 park rose
  
  CB, I heard about that. They had a side line in cat-a-combs for the toupées. But the cut of the rugs was so bad that, for fear for their lives, the owners had to go underground. Catastrophe on so many levels.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 3:20 am rating: 2
- #19.4 Canthz_B
  
  I heard about that too. Having been undergound, they resurfaced with a certain amount of grunge.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 3:33 am rating: 1
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#20 Canthz_B

I guess this answers the question as to what ever happened to Andrew LLoyd Webber.

Feb 19, 2010 at 12:09 am rating: 2

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- #20.1 matty-wat
  
  Not to mention Julie Newmar,CB. But sadly this note was too late to save Eartha Kitt who recently passed to that great litter box in the sky.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 10:34 am rating: 2
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#21 Havingfitz

Is this a problem? Is the Cat Lady from “The Simpsons” a frequent visitor to this shop? Who the hell shoplifts a cat???

Feb 19, 2010 at 2:20 am rating: 3

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- #21.1 Canthz_B
  
  A cat burglar perhaps?
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 2:27 am rating: 14
- #21.2 catburglar
  
  Shhhhhhhh!
  
  Feb 20, 2010 at 9:22 pm rating: 3
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#22 QuarterRoy00

These new fangled brothels will do anything to keep their employees nowadays…

Feb 19, 2010 at 7:58 am rating: 7

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#23 JMonkey78

Maybe this is “Hello Kitty” they say you can say Hi to it.
On a different note I tried to introduce myself to the Kitty outside of the business when I was in Europe once upon a time, and that apparently is their stance. All cozying up to the kitty must be done within the confines of the business.

Feb 19, 2010 at 9:17 am rating: 4

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#24 Lindsay K.

Hahaha, I think this is one of my favorites so far.

It also reminds me of the cat that lives in Seaport Village in San Diego. Pretty sure he just wanders and has always been fed by the shopowners, not belonging to a specific one.

Feb 19, 2010 at 9:38 am rating: 1

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#25 Kore

Our local feed store has a manager who walks on all fours. Her name is Phoebe. She often lolls around on her back in front of the windows to lure in customers. She’s quite cute.

Feb 19, 2010 at 10:36 am rating: 3

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- #25.1 sleeps
  
  But does she LOL ?
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 11:51 am rating: 6
- #25.2 Wade
  
  Only for teh cheezburger.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 12:08 pm rating: 9
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#26 Woman on the Verge

I understand now. “Hi” is in quotes because it’s like saying “Hi” to the lobster in the tank that you’ve chosen for dinner. Is this a Chinese restaurant? *ducks for cover*

Feb 19, 2010 at 12:26 pm rating: 1

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- #26.1 Vintage_K
  
  Cats make everything taste better!
  
  *ducks with WotV*
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 12:54 pm rating: 2
- #26.2 JMonkey78
  
  I’ll have the Kung Pao Tabby and an order of Siamese fried rice.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:05 pm rating: 3
- #26.3 Gandalf
  
  Of course!
  
  Who doesn’t like to eat a puss now and then?
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm rating: 2
- #26.4 Vintage_K
  
  Gandalf, don’t be afraid to say pussy.
  
  JM, want to share an order of Meow Mein?
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm rating: 3
- #26.5 JMonkey78
  
  I was thinking more along the lines of a pur pur platter, but we could order both and share. Could someone pass the kitty dumplings.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 2:13 pm rating: 3
- #26.6 Gandalf
  
  Thanks, but no manx.
  
  I’m also going to pass on the “almond roca” for dessert.
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 3:21 pm rating: 3
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#27 Vintage_K

By the looks of those exclamation points…whatever you’re doing it’s not as important as petting the cat.

Feb 19, 2010 at 1:12 pm rating: 1

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#28 anglophile

This is what happens when businesses fail to add Loss Prevention to their budget. Instead of being able to pay for an alarm system or a security guard, they could only afford a couple of sheets of construction paper and a Sharpie. I wonder if they even bothered to get the cat listed in the insurance policy.

Feb 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm rating: 1

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- #28.1 Canthz_B
  
  They should get a security dog.
  
  Wait…
  
  Feb 19, 2010 at 11:22 pm rating: 4
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#29 robanybody

That’s funny. this store is around the corner from my house. The cat is a really cool Persian named Belle (but he’s male). He is super friendly, but he does try to sneak outside sometimes, which is bad, as it’s a fairly busy street.

Feb 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm rating: 4

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- #29.1 Folksy McBride
  
  What do you mean, SUPER friendly?
  
  Hey! I know you! You’re the guy whose testicles smell of tuna!
  
  Feb 20, 2010 at 1:22 am rating: 3
- #29.2 erka
  
  What store is it?? Is it General Bead near the Civic Center?
  
  Feb 22, 2010 at 1:37 am rating: 0
- #29.3 robanybody
  
  It’s called Tae Hee’s Grooming Pet Supply. It’s on Divisadero near Hayes Street.
  
  And by Super friendly, I mean he’s not an asshole, like most Persian cats.
  
  Feb 23, 2010 at 2:59 pm rating: 1
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#30 Vanessa

OMG! I’ve been to this store ages ok, when the sign gets faded it gets replaced.

Feb 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 4

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#31 littlebear

OMG, that is sooo cute

Feb 19, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 1

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#32 MK

watch your own cat maybe?

Feb 21, 2010 at 3:26 pm rating: 0

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#33 eslinger

“And we’re supposed to just let him wander the streets without food, water or toilet?”

Seriously though, as someone who has had a few kitties stolen over the years, please quit pilfering my pussies.

Feb 21, 2010 at 7:13 pm rating: 0

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#34 at2002

*Sigh*, cat-stealing. Cheesing must be on the rise again.

Feb 22, 2010 at 6:44 am rating: 2

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#35 Max Time

the only way I would take the cat is if it was garfield with some lasagna! Especially since we both hate mondays too

Feb 24, 2010 at 8:52 am rating: 0

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One more time now — what do I do with the cat?

February 18th, 2010 · 89 comments

89 responses so far ↓

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