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The sausage fest of horrors

February 22nd, 2010 · 94 comments

Which of these urinal notices do you find most troubling?

This one, from a London nightclub?

Attention Gents: Anyone caught taking photos of other gentlemen's wedding tackle will be ejected. By order of Fat Tony

This one, from a construction site in New York City?

One of our poor co-workers is suffering from a terrible affliction.  He can't see the color yellow bithout breaking into Uncontrollable Tears. Help him by flushing those tears down the drain.  Men don't like to see men Cry, -A CM Public Service Announcement

This one, from a campground in Russellville, Arkansas?

Please do not wash dishes in the urinal

Or this one, from an office in Redmond, Washington?

Your Attention Please!  This urinal is not a sausage dump. Please discard unwanted sausage in refuge containers, not in this, or any other, urinal. Urinals are designed to receive urine, not sausage products.

P.S. “Sausage dump” wasn’t a euphemism.

Urinals are not for sausages.

(Thanks to Dylan, Paul, David and Lucy for submitting!)

related: Why I hate Miami

FILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · WTF?

94 responses so far ↓

  • #1   eslinger bang

    I wanna say “That sausage was fucking delicious!” but I just can’t bring myself to do it without dry-heaving.

    Please, won’t someone think of the sausage?

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:25 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infant tyrone bang

      You could wrap it up in a PANcake and tell yourself it’s a Pig in a Blanket.

      *hopes PANcake isn’t sacrilegious or anything*

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Flaboy2425

      Honest, Mom, I just went in to pee and it fell off.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #2   oi bang

    my eyes! my eyes! :eek:
    edit 1. I may have assessed condition worse than it actually is.
    edit 2. but it’s still disturbing that somebody would take food in urinals.
    edit 3. I am bored. ;)

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #3   The Great Joe Bivins

    THAT’S where I left my sausage! I don’t think I want it anymore.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Folksy McBride bang

      Women might find this unbelievable, but the one time when every man is at his most serious is when he, while taking a restroom break from a concert or sporting event, is standing side by side with his comrades, pissing into his designated urinal.

      Lost in his own thought, he stares straight ahead, maintaining a facial expression that would normally indicate that this individual is posessed the inner fortitude of a martyr and the calm, austere demeanor of a 19th Century German Stoic.

      Men take pissing seriously.

      So, with that said, I would remind others not to make the same mistake I did at a recent NFL game. I’m standing there pissing. I hear something to my right. I look over. The bearded redneck warrior standing next to me thinks that I’m checking him out. Awkward. Thinking quickly. I look the other way. Same reaction. My only recourse was to continue scanning down the respective lines so as to make it clear to each of the previous gentlemen that he alone wasn’t being singled out for scrutiny.

      This seemed to seemed to tamp down the angst in the room, but it all could have been averted had I kept my eyes staring straight at the wall in front of me.

      Then again, once the first mistake was made, I should have just loudly announced that I was a Democrat in order to put their warped minds and their pissy attitudes at ease.

      To make matters even worse, it was a lousy game. (But it was the Seattle Seahawks, so that kinda goes without saying.)

      Feb 23, 2010 at 2:05 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   jaywalke

      I have two step-brothers who (obviously) look nothing like me. Occasionally when we’re out drinking and are in a crowded bathroom, I like to lean over to one of them while we’re at adjacent urinals, look down and casually say, “Nice cock.”

      You’ve never heard silence like that in your life.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 8:03 am   rating: 75  small thumbs up

  • #4   CanCan

    I’m very troubled, as well as confused.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   snatchbeast

    Urinal sausage is so much tastier than urinal cake.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:38 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Wade bang

      And that smoky aroma…mmmmmmm.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   park rose bang

      All you need now is for the office joker to come along, hitch your undies up into your bum crack (more than once) and you’ve got wedgies. The perfect accompaniment.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Canthz_B bang

      Wade, that was the aroma of me smoking a “sausage” in the handicapped stall on the end.

      I’m not technically handicapped, but after a good smoke I really do need those hand-rails to stand up.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 10:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   infant tyrone bang

      Geez, now that would be a bummer…
      Coupla hits of good sinsemillan “sausage” at lunchtime
      and the only food around is a Lil Smoky from the “Gents”.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   se

      CB, “smoking a sausage in the mens restroom” is not something most straight guys would ever admit to.
      It was tough to type it out.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 3:54 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #6   Wade bang

    Wait. Employees are crying yellow tears into the urinal?

    That will be an interesting workman’s comp claim.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Maas

      The unsettling irony is that the sign warning about the condition is itself in yellow.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 1:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #7   Wade bang

    I don’t get mad… I get stabby! – Fat Tony

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:44 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #8   Wordyone

    Give a sausage some refuge!

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mark bang

    Unwanted sausages are sent to the sausage refuge. You can adopt them there, if you like. If they are not adopted, the sausages will burst into uncontrollable ejaculation. No taking photos!

    - Fat Tony

    Feb 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #10   tiff

    read too fast, saw “will be ejaculated”. whole new meaning to being whacked off by Fat Tony

    Feb 22, 2010 at 6:11 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   stuffin'

      I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   park rose bang

      Crack a fat, it you will, though it might be impossible for tiff, I’m sure stuffin’ could soon be stiffin’, and even odds are that Tony’s already there.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   not gen anything

    I can’t even begin to imagine a legitimate reason for the sausage in the urinal.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 6:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Grant

      Simples. Practical joker visits leprosy clinic.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 4:13 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Beanster bang


      Feb 23, 2010 at 10:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   Critical Grass bang

    Photo taking, tears and sausages… These urinals are getting a little disturbing, don’t you think? Know when to stop, people. Sausage is the last drop, or is it a yellow tear?

    Feb 22, 2010 at 7:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Bunnee

      I think Fat Tony will decide when the last drop is, CG……

      Feb 22, 2010 at 7:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   Susan

    In another life, I ran an Officer’s Club, where the guys had a bad habit of leaving cig butts in the urinals. I placed a sign above said urinals–”Please do not place cigarette butts in the urinals.” Somebody wrote under that, “It makes them soggy and hard to light.” I wish I had saved that sign.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 7:22 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

  • #14   Bunnee

    OK, no sausage. What about salami?

    Feb 22, 2010 at 7:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   infant tyrone bang

      No…no salami in the urinals either.

      Salami in the “gents” bathroom is restricted to salami being “hidden” in the privacy of (but not “in”) individual stalls, usually after a serenade of foot-tapping and a delicate, but widely-stanced, rendition of the opening pas-de-deux from Cleopatra: Queen of Denial (A Mack Senate Comedy).

      Often reprised in Minneapolis’ airport: rain or shine, snow or not.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:39 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   orinoco womble

      No, you hide the salami in the supply closet, with the waitress of your choice. But don’t let Fat Tony catch you doing that, either…because the waitresses are all family, ya know?

      Feb 23, 2010 at 6:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Bunnee

    Other than the sausage, that’s a mighty clean urinal. Why, you could almost eat out of it!

    Feb 22, 2010 at 7:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   GingerE

      Almost? That’s a half eaten sausage.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      The burning question is, was it half-eaten when it first arrived in the urinal?

      Oh, wait, that’s where you were going. Sorry. :oops:

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   park rose bang

      The burning question is, does the guy with the terrible affliction have syphilis, or not?

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #16   Gun Street Girl

    Maybe the sausage phenomenon is similar to all-you-can-eat sushi where you get charged for leaving rice behind – a breakfast buffet where diners get dinged for uneaten sausages? Unfortunately it seems the person trying to get rid of unwanted sausage doesn’t understand how urinals work.

    oh wait, the sign was in an OFFICE bathroom? no no, none of this makes any sense at all.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #17   newbuffalomom

    I’ve never seen a sausage in a urinal, but I did see a watermelon there once…

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   matty-wat

      What about the phenomenon of ice in the urinal? I have encountered this numerous times in bars. I’m talking filled to the top, not just a couple of cubes. What’s up with that?

      Feb 23, 2010 at 8:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   JMonkey78 bang

      Well duh! Noone likes to drink warm piss.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:01 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Mo® bang

      Keeps the splashing down maybe? I have seen that too wtf is up with that. Anyone know? Bueller Bueller?

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   ScooterJ

      I’ve asked bar owners about that before and they have said they really don’t know why they do it, it’s just something that’s been passed down to them. But the prevailing theory is that it helps keep odors down because as the ice melts it keeps a constant trickle of water flowing down the drain.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 10:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   Beanster bang

      i have a real and non-funy answer to this question.

      the cited reason is for splashing – i’ve had to wash the walls too many times.

      the real reason is that we hope men will invent a fun little game and try to melt the ice, the happy side-affect of which is that they are actually aiming, making our job at the end of the night much more pleasant.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 10:35 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #18   Vintage_K bang

    I’m all for sausage parties, sausage dumps…not so much!

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mo® bang


      Feb 23, 2010 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Vintage_K bang

      LOL…are you a fan Timo?

      Feb 23, 2010 at 2:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   Mo® bang

      Of you or the Shore? The J. S. people, ummm no.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Beth

    I don’t even want to think about where that sausage has been or why it’s even in a “gents” bathroom. Do guys eat sausages at the urinal? Girls don’t eat sausages while they pee. Must be a multi-task thing.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      I knew a girl who…uh…

      Never mind.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:54 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Vintage_K bang

      CB, um…I also knew that girl who…um…awkward. :lol:

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Wade bang

      Hence the camera ban.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.4   JMonkey78 bang

      I did not know that girl but my firend’s aunt’s second cousin’s brother-in-law married that girl.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   matt

    “flush the tears down the drain” – seriously??
    what are you gonna do? Hold a freakin jar underneath his face every time he sees anything yellow? Get real. If the guy is competent enough to get a job, he can clean up his own damn tears – and then arrange to see a psychiatrist before he kills someone in a yellow shirt

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   matt

      and by the way, men don’t give a sh*t about seeing other men cry

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   tinkerbell2

      Alright, I’ll take this one.

      Matt. They are trying to be funny. It’s a sign asking them to flush after they pee, and it’s pretending that it’s because someone there cries when he sees yellow. OK? OK.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 7:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   matty-wat

      Judging from the picture on the sign, the coworker is actually a drop of pee, which would explain why it is so upsetting to see his comrades in the urinal or toilet.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 8:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   JMonkey78 bang

      I am glad they are not specific on which co-worker. I can see a Golden Shower forming in peoples mind as they read.

      Oh, and guys do care if another man cries. It makes us all look weak, unless he is wearing heals and/or ladies clothing. Which mind you is a personal choice that they have the right to do. I’m not judging, I’m just saying, “Leave Britney Alone!!!!!”

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    I wish we had refuge containers at my job. Sounds like a nice afternoon get-away, plus it rains sausages!

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    I bet they call him Fat Tony because of that urinal cam footage of him on YouTube.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 8:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #23   Fanboy Wife

    Who is eating sausages in the bathroom?

    Feb 22, 2010 at 9:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Vintage_K bang

      Fat Tony, apparently.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    There’s nothing funny about a lost sausage.

    So, you put a little breakfast in your crotch to keep it warm until your 15 minute break, forget about it when you unzip and lose a morsel or two to the American Standard.

    It happens to everyone, right?

    Feb 22, 2010 at 9:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #25   eslinger bang

    That doesn’t look like an Eckrich Smoky Breakfast Link, they’re smoother and smaller.

    What’s left of the one in the pic is much thicker and has a rough appearance. Any guesses?

    I don’t know why I’m thinking about this, it might be because I’m hungry.

    Eckrich Maple Smoky Links wrapped in whole wheat toast are sooooo good! Just sayin’.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   no one fucking cares

    That is either the world’s largest kidney stone, or someone took a dump in the urinal

    Feb 22, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #27   eslinger bang

    Oh good grief, that’s not a turd. Haven’t you ever seen Caddyshack?!

    Feb 22, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    I find it odd that no one heard that guy pissing a sausage out.
    They must have that place sound-proofed.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 10:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mo® bang

      “What the hell!?!?”

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:19 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #29   farcical aquatic ceremony

    hey, single gals–
    does the fact that some guys use the term “wedding tackle” make any of the REST of you desperate to get married as soon as you possibly can??

    momma always said not to be scared on my wedding night, but I’d no idea worms and rusty hooks were involved…yikes…

    Feb 22, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, if a guy is going after fish… :-P

      Feb 22, 2010 at 10:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   park rose bang

      The note was posted in the gents. I don’t think the single girls have got anything to worry about.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t think the ones who go in there care one way or another.
      They’ve probably heard worse, and it’s really all about the Benjamins.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #30   Pterosaur

    Was that single sausage enough to spur the writer into typing up that note? Or is improper sausage disposal an ongoing problem?

    I’m not sure which scenario is worse.

    Feb 22, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   park rose bang

      Ah, it’s all a load of baloney, Pterosaur, whichever way you look at it.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   Canthz_B bang

      One thing is for sure, this guy is really bad at “Hide the Salami” if that’s the best he can do with a sausage.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Meesh

      I agree. That’s the meat of the argument.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 7:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   JMonkey78 bang

      Actually it’s all a load of sausage if you ask me, and Fat Tony agrees.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   LordOfThePants

      It’s not the wurst thing that one could encounter in a urinal, to be frank….

      Feb 23, 2010 at 10:09 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #30.6   Mo® bang

      Andouille know it could be wurst.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 10:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   Grant

    What? Did they run out of those little pineapple cubes that they usually leave in the loo?

    Feb 23, 2010 at 4:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #32   Muse bang

    An unmannerly gent from old Carthage
    Had to piss while eating a sausage.
    Knowing not what to do,
    He dropped it into the loo,
    And it was captured in this photographage.

    Feb 23, 2010 at 5:38 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #33   WelcomeSinners

    There was a fat geezer called Tony
    Who’s views were implaccably stony
    About taking pics
    Of gentlemen’s dicks
    It made him ever so moany

    Feb 23, 2010 at 6:42 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   JMonkey78 bang

      I once knew a sensitive fellow
      Who could not take the color yellow
      When the pee hit the rim
      His expression went dim
      And he shot the mook who played Chello.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 9:10 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #34   Escape Goat

    Are the gents allowed to take photos of urinal sausage in lieu of wedding tackle?

    Feb 23, 2010 at 7:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #35   Havingfitz

    Maybe the urinal is a multi-dimensional portal where things that vanish from other places appear. So far they’ve found a stapler, a few thousand Hot Pockets, a chihuahua, a cell-phone, Baby Jesus (and his Lean Cuisine), and diamond cream. In a lunchroom in Hoboken, there is a furious note on the fridge denouncing a heartless sausage thief.

    Feb 23, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Meesh

      Don’t forget the sandwich for the famished fetus.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.2   molly ringwald

      what about socks? does this magic portal somehow connect to dryers worldwide?

      Feb 23, 2010 at 2:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #35.3   Mo® bang

      and cat toys disappearing under couches.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #36   comment

    sup Chris! Nice plug on SM about 5 min. ago.

    Feb 23, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   Jonah

    Don’t construction workers often wear yellow hats? Or is that a stereotype?

    Feb 23, 2010 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #38   YO!Adrian

    I thought urine was a sausage product…or is semen the only true sausage product?

    Feb 23, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #39   anglophile bang

    I’m starting to get a headache.

    Feb 23, 2010 at 4:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #40   S


    Feb 23, 2010 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   Gavin

    no. 3 is why cocktail sticks were invented, you wouldn’t want to scoop it out with your hand for a taste.

    Feb 24, 2010 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #42   kp

    The sausage dumping is amazing.

    Feb 25, 2010 at 11:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   HelgaPataki

    What exactly is a “refuge” container? And what size would such a container have to be, in order for one to take refuge within it?

    Feb 25, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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