Counter attack

#1 Beanster bang

sure. i can get you a latte and your sister is such a bitch. no problem.

have a great day!

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:48 pm rating: 23 small thumbs up

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#1.1 molly ringwald

That last note is the reason this website was created. Pure genius.

Team Get Your Ass Off The Phone Or I Will Spit In Your Double Latte

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:06 am rating: 18
#1.2 LoveIt

These notes are fantastic! I am so sick of Chatty Chick and Phone Guy.

Team give us back some peace and take your damn phone conversation outside!

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:54 am rating: 8

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#2 Wade bang

Sadly, they are so absorbed in their conversation they won’t read the notes.

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:49 pm rating: 46 small thumbs up

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#2.1 Woman on the Verge

Actually, they can’t read them because they are texting… and these aren’t written in text-speak. They could read it if it said: U R on UR fone. Git off n I cn hlp U.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:05 pm rating: 38
#2.2 infant tyrone

cn u reed me now?
gud!

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:00 pm rating: 9
#2.3 mystic_eye

I’ve been informed by some “cool teenagers” that all double letters are replaced by a single upper case letter, so that should read:

cn u rEd me now

Clear as mud yet anyone?

Mar 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm rating: 2
#2.4 infant tyrone

Thnx 4 th tip frm th k3wl kdz.
‘fi evr nEd t txt fr rEl thn eyl knw.
TY,
ty

Mar 2, 2010 at 10:18 am rating: 1

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#3 DC

How about the spider monkey behind the cash register who is more then a little pissed off at themselves and their poor decision making skills that lead them to a fate where the most often repeated phrase from their mouths are “here is your change” stop being smirky, STFU just ring up my bagel with cream cheese and coffee with a smile.

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:51 pm rating: 27 small thumbs up

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#3.1 mm

Actually, I am behind the counter working to put myself through school to become a teacher. So I can teach your kids and help them with their “decision making skills”, but with a parent like you their fate may already be too far gone.

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:58 pm rating: 179
#3.2 Mo®

I do remain off my phone during our exchanges because I wouldn’t want to miss a moment of your superior indie cred.

I have a huge crush on the girl in the afternoon who makes my americano. She has a masters in math and is way smarter and cooler than I will ever dream of being. I still dislike the smug douches that have no apparent reason for their smugness.

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:59 pm rating: 22
#3.3 Lisa

It’s true that some people end up in customer service because they made bad choices. But many are just on their way through an education. I waited tables at Friday’s (worst job ever) for most of my first semester in law school. I find it ironic that you feel entitled to be rude because you think you’re more successful, and the lowly minimum-wagers are the ones pining for a little etiquette. When you treat the ’spider monkeys’ of the world as less important than you, it doesn’t make it look like you made better life choices. It makes you look like a petty person who has to take out their psychological problems on hapless bagel cashiers.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:34 pm rating: 127
#3.4 oi

What if those spider monkeys treat you like you are less important then they are. I mean you might have a reason for being smug but those monkeys when behind the counter(at that instant at least) what reason they have?
recently I was at our local grocery store (not the chain but privately owned) He ringed my groceries and bagged them up without an eye contact. It took like 10 minutes because he could not get the bill printed but he refused to look at me or greet me while I was waiting at the till. Not that I was dying to talk to him but that’s rude for no reason.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:49 pm rating: 9
#3.5 Mark

And make sure to tip your waitstaff. They don’t even get minimum wage, they depend on your tips to afford wine for their children.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm rating: 19
#3.6 chandie

This is why we spit in your food.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:22 pm rating: 28
#3.7 matty-wat

DC, grammarize much?
How about the spider monkey behind the cash register who is more *than* a little pissed off at *himself* and *his* poor decision making skills that *led* *him* to a fate where the most often repeated phrase from *his* *mouth* *is* “here is your change”.(New sentence)* S*top being smirky, STFU *and* just ring up my bagel with cream cheese and coffee with a smile.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:23 pm rating: 42
#3.8 Jonathan

I object, Matty. English needs more neuter pronouns. America needs more neutered people too, but that’s a bit different.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:35 pm rating: 44
#3.9 Cyclist Kate

Yeah, we’re essentially all mouth-breathers who can’t tie our own shoelaces. And everybody knows that STUPID people don’t deserve common courtesy! Duh.

Or…I’m a masters’ student, I work with a person who works 30 hours a week while taking 18 credits/semester working on her biochemistry and math dual degrees (she has a 4.0, by the way), another person is working on a Ph.d. in audiology, another coworker was recently admitted to MIT to work on his masters’ in engineering, another teaches engineering part time at our local university…we work in service because it’s one of the few jobs that has flexible enough hours to accommodate our schedules. And we all ring up our customers with a smile. So get off your damn cellphone and learn to treat people as humans instead of using them as functions to get you your cup of coffee and bagel.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 76
#3.10 park rose

I’m with you on the then/than thing, matty, but agree with Jonathan on the pronouns.

I’ve worked customer service both when I was studying and when I was not, and one of my major reasons for getting out was the way that the customers treated you. A fair number of them thought you were stupid because you were working behind the cash register, or behind the bank counter, and therefore they were entitled to treat you rudely. Strange way to think, but I put it down to the ‘customer is always right’ ethos that is so prevalent, and the fact that money will always count for more than manners, unless you’re paying in pennies. I would bet that DC treats everyone with the same arrogant disregard, and might even claim it as a given of being ’successful’.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:11 pm rating: 29
#3.11 bookseller

I’ve encountered less than excellent customer service at many places, from grocery store to post office to coffee house. I don’t care for smug hipsters who are thumbing their nose at the system or whatever they’re doing.

Having said *that* . . .

I work in a bookstore, a large chain. I have two masters degrees, another person I work with has a law degree. Both of us work there because we love working there and value loving our work over monetary reward. We’re also both very good at what we do and if you want help finding a book, we will do our very best to find it for you and we’re mostly successful at doing that. But when you’re on your cell phone and not giving us the information we need, we can’t help you—and it’s not because we’re stupid, incompetent, or otherwise beneath you. And especially when you’re at the cash register, being rung up—if you hold us in such low regard, do you really want to be distracted while we’re handling your money? Come on, people, we’re conducting a business transaction with real money. It’s not the thousands or millions of dollars you’ve got riding on that phone conversation to your bookie or whoever, but money is changing hands and your mother should have taught you to pay attention in those situations. That’s all.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:12 pm rating: 35
#3.12 cherylicious

I find it disturbing that it is somehow lowly to be in the customer service field, whether it is coffee, books, etc. “Spider monkey”? “Poor decision making skills”? When did we lose our pride in craftsmanship and service industry work? How did these jobs earn such scorn? Some people need to get over themselves.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:49 pm rating: 68
#3.13 Pterosaur

Hey DC, some of us “spider monkeys” actually have to work to pay for our advanced degrees. We didn’t have rich daddies to give us a free ride at Beer Bong University followed by an instant promotion at Daddy Inc. as the new Vice President in Charge of Douchebaggery.

Also, I don’t get health benefits here, and I just sneezed on your bagel. Enjoy my untreated spider monkey pox, Mr. Vice President sir.

Feb 25, 2010 at 8:12 pm rating: 89
#3.14 matty-wat

America needs more nubile protons.

Feb 25, 2010 at 8:57 pm rating: 10
#3.15 matty-wat

When I corrected DC comment, I think I may have been channeling the spirit of my departed high school English teacher.

Feb 25, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 6
#3.16 matty-wat

When I corrected DC’s comment, I think I may have been channeling the spirit of my departed high school English teacher.

Feb 25, 2010 at 9:05 pm rating: 8
#3.17 farcical aquatic ceremony

DC has received the thorough beat-down he so richly deserved, but I’m still wondering: why “spider monkey”? Are the folks behind the counter of the bagel place known to use their unusually long limbs, and a series of strategically-placed, overhead hand-holds, to gracefully traverse the shop? When upset–by a customer’s cell phone use, for instance–do the wait staff hurl their poop at the would-be bagel purchaser?

Feb 25, 2010 at 9:52 pm rating: 33
#3.18 Canthz_B

GET THE FUCK OFF OF THE DAMNED PHONE!!!

If it was so important you needed to be on the phone about it, you wouldn’t be standing in line at a store (right in front of me with a full cart-load of groceries in the express aisle because you were too busy on the phone to read the 15 items or less sign). You’d be on your way to your emergency situation!

I don’t want to know your business, so please don’t broadcast it in public.

By the way, the speed limit went up two fucking blocks ago. Hit the gas pedal and speed the Hell up!

Lastly, why do you have to call someone every day as soon as you get off work just to say, “I’m leaving now, I’ll be home soon.”? Haven’t they figured out what time you get off work and when to expect your ass home yet?

*breathe, CB…they’ll never change. besides, they’ll probably text a response while driving through a school zone. hands on the wheel and eyes on the road are stupid concepts. look out, kids! she’s on the phone!*

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 29
#3.19 Canthz_B

I won’t say that all of the counterpersons I encounter are doing that job as a part-time means to a greater end. But I will say they have earned my respect for doing an honest day’s work for less than an honest day’s pay.

I have very little respect for snooty people who think that a higher position in life equates to superiority.
Some of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard have been uttered by people in positions of great power. And I don’t just mean by Dubya. If anyone belonged behind the counter at Burger King instead of a desk in the Oval Office it was that guy.

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:57 pm rating: 34
#3.20 Canthz_B

America needs more Nubian princesses.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:10 pm rating: 11
#3.21 AuntyBron

How did these people show their contempt of salesperson before the advent of cell phones?

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:14 am rating: 15
#3.22 Canthz_B

Purely by attitude, Aunty.
Smug superiority goes a long way, but back then they just didn’t look at or address the clerk too closely. With a cell phone in hand, they can act as if the clerk isn’t even there. Like their whims are being carried out solely by their station in life…even if there’s no one on the other end of the phone line.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:31 am rating: 6
#3.23 John

If they are “spider monkeys,” you won’t mind if they defecate in your latte, then?

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:21 am rating: 9
#3.24 Folksy McBride

DC,

After so many people have already remarked on what you said, I wasn’t going to add to your well-deserved verbal bitch-slapping.

But then I reread your comment. Everything about it is abhorrent, and to be honest, you do come across as a hideous, hateful prat, but the
worst part of your comment was the three words at the ending: “with a smile.”

DC, you are so creepy you give creeps the creeps.

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:49 am rating: 41
#3.25 rose masquerading as claw

America needs more nubile pre-teens.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:52 am rating: 10
#3.26 Q

I work at a fast food restaurant, despite my BA in what is essentially social work. This is out of necessity as the job market is horrible where I live and we don’t have the means to move.

Feb 26, 2010 at 8:11 am rating: 3
#3.27 infant tyrone

Amerika needs more naturalized Praetorians !

Feb 26, 2010 at 9:08 am rating: 3
#3.28 Michelle S.

I can’t defend cellphone abuse or DC’s comments, but overly-familiar service people often make me uncomfortable, especially if I’m not in the right frame of mind. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I think overly-familiar behavior is inappropriate and unprofessional in most service interactions. Has nothing to do with disdain for people in the service industry, really. Most days I just want to pay someone for their time or product, not make a “human connection”. Perhaps a brief, pleasant, but non-intrusive exchange then we can both be on our way. Flirting, flattery, personal observations or questions, banal chit-chat, etc., can be annoying and even stressful for certain people, but that seems to have become the norm for clerks, waiters, technicians, etc. Just something I thought I’d point out to all you hard-working people behind the counter, from one of those “just gimme my coffee plz” types. I swear it’s not personal.

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:10 am rating: 9
#3.29 mlleraquel

Wow. Because clearly the only people who work at these places are at the end of line and without other things going on in their life. I’m working there as I get myself through graduate school — and the majority of people I work with are current college students as well.

Glad to see you’re exactly the type of douche I assume most people on their cell phones are.

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:30 am rating: 5
#3.30 park rose

Michelle S, I agree with some of your comments. On the other side of the counter, I hate wearing a name tag with just my first name. I hate that someone who just walked in off the street feels he or she can freely use it. Lots do, and I know we are encouraged to do this as both customers and workers, for some reason.
I have no problem addressing a customer by whichever title they wish to be addressed (within reason), but I’m always a bit taken aback with the familiarity that this marketing ploy, or is it human resources? exposes us to. Just because you use my name ten times does not actually mean that you know me, and it doesn’t really warm me to you. In fact, I grow suspicious.
I guess it is all part of making the worker part of the commodity, too. I don’t mind surnames, so much, as there is distance allowed with those, and I don’t mind giving my name if a customer has had a long drawn-out query, or needs to chase something up. Of course, in this era of stalkers and harassment, maybe first names rather than surnames is the only option.

You also mentioned chatty staff. Many supermarkets require their staff to ask after you, and you can tell that this kind of psychology strips words and niceties of all meaning when the poor guy at the register enthusiastically asks the thousandth customer how their day is going. I have asked them if they are required to say that – the enthusiasm is just too surreal to be real, plus, after a thousand customers, how interested can you really be? – and you kind of see their shoulders sag when they tell you it is a requirement of the job.

The thing is, to get people to buy more you have to fool people into thinking that they are not involved in a transaction that requires them to actually step into a shop where goods are exchanged for money, where they will interact with people with differing personalities, and which is ruled by an economic system basically based on telling people they haven’t got enough and they need more. Therefore, people are encouraged to think they are in their own lounge room and the whole process of the service industry becomes very opaque. There are benefits to this, of course, discreet and efficient service is a pleasure, but forcing everyone, from customers to waitstaff to workers at the coalface, to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at all times means that often the natural interaction that might develop does not, and customers are left suspicious of marketing ploys and workers can be left drained from being required to ‘put it on’ for the duration of their shifts. They might naturally be chatty, but I don’t think this is always the case.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:21 pm rating: 22
#3.31 Mo®

An enriched human honors a pauper by treating them as a king.
We all just want happiness.

Peace and love, peace and love.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:13 pm rating: 8
#3.32 Citrico

Let’s not forget those owners of small coffee shops and similar who are both behind the counter and the owner of the business. People who make poor life decisions generally don’t own their own store.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:40 pm rating: 10
#3.33 thrall

Amen. Having owned an independent bookstore while in my early 30’s and female, I can tell you a number of customers have demanded to see the manager when things, through sundry circumstances, have not gone entirely their way. When I say that I AM the manager, they say “Well then let me speak to the owner!” Sigh and smile.

Feb 26, 2010 at 2:13 pm rating: 18
#3.34 RP

This will shock you, but not everyone in the service industry hates their job. Many people ENJOY working service jobs…until they have to deal with people like you.

If you actually expect someone to do something for you then put your damn phone down and pay attention.

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:57 pm rating: 7
#3.35 Angel Kaida

Another perspective from a reserved customer: While I do my best to use common courtesy when talking to people in service situations, I am quite shy, and that social situation tends to make me particularly nervous. (I don’t like to impose on strangers’ time, even when they’re being paid for it.)

So if you don’t get much eye contact, or if the person you’re interacting with doesn’t seem to engage with you on a friendly level, it might not be because that person doesn’t think of you as a person who is worth courtesy. Rather than the elitist douchebaggery demonstrated above, simple social ineptitude could be to blame. I hope people can tell the difference, but I’m never quite sure if it comes across.

Feb 26, 2010 at 6:55 pm rating: 11
#3.36 infant tyrone

In the mid-70’s I worked as a peon and as a manager in a few pizza places.

We were fairly adept at distinguishing between shy, mild-mannered folks and people who, for a variety of reasons, thought of us as Morlocks or less.

After working as a public school teacher from about 1999-2008 it is easy for me to believe that the emotional intelligence of the average behind-the-counter employee is lower than it was back then, but, do not despair (one thief was spared) and do not presume (one thief was not).

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:35 pm rating: 1
#3.37 Betch

@DC: It’s hard to ring up your bagel with cream cheese and coffee when you’re busy with a conversation and refuse to speak a single word to me, but instead resort to pointing at everything and making hand gestures.

It’s not simply a politeness issue; us workers behind the counter want to make sure that the customers we’re helping are able to get exactly what they ordered, and we can’t do that if they’re busy yacking on their phones. There’s one customer that comes into my workplace, and she is on the phone every single time she comes in, and she points out her entire order. Take in mind that she is pointing at items with a glass cover, whereas the back of the counter (where I’m standing) is NOT made of glass. Despite the fact that I’ve tried to tell her that I can’t see what the fuck she’s pointing at every time she’s come in, she never gets the hint, and gets pissy with me when I give her the wrong stuff.

Seriously. Shut the fuck up for two minutes if you want service.

Feb 27, 2010 at 12:38 am rating: 29
#3.38 mystic_eye

1) I don’t particularly like being called by my first name but I’d much rather customers know that than my last name. Let’s just say my last name has “szcz” in it and its particularly easy to find me in the phonebook

2) Remember -don’t tip the owner if they serve you, apparently that’s insulting.

Mar 1, 2010 at 7:45 pm rating: 0

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#4 Jor

ouch!

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:51 pm rating: 2 small thumbs up

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#5 Gunderson

I’m enjoying reading all these signs while I’m talking on my cellphone.

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:54 pm rating: 9 small thumbs up

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#5.1 HappyNat

That reminds me I need to make a call. “Hey man what’s up? I just saw this funny sign and had to tell you about it.”

Feb 26, 2010 at 2:33 pm rating: 6

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#6 JC

The thing about it is, a lot of places where I see these signs, I also see employees who think nothing of basically ignoring customers in favor of continuing their own conversations. They’ll complete my entire transaction without meeting my eyes or saying anything to me.

Where’s the difference?

Or if a customer was having an inperson conversation, “I’m sorry, I’m not helping you until you end your conversation.”

Feb 25, 2010 at 3:55 pm rating: 16 small thumbs up

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#6.1 bug

actually yea, in person conversations while ordering/paying are a pain in the a** to the people on the other side of the counter, and the people in line behind you. pick one — your conversation or ordering, and stick to the task at hand. otherwise, let the other folks that have their sh*t together go first.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:16 pm rating: 20
#6.2 Canthz_B

And get your card or cash out before they tell you what the total is. It’s not like you don’t expect to be paying something, so don’t open your purse and root around for that stuff only after you hear a figure.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:14 pm rating: 17
#6.3 HappyNat

JC,

They just ignore you because you are ugly. They give us pretty people great service.

Feb 26, 2010 at 2:35 pm rating: 4
#6.4 Betch

So complain to the manager that you’re getting shit service. Having rude customer service doesn’t justify your rudeness, it just makes you a self-entitled douchecanoe.

Feb 27, 2010 at 12:41 am rating: 3

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#7 Mo® bang

You are using Bonetti’s Defense against me, ah?

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:05 pm rating: 9 small thumbs up

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#7.1 anglophile

I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:16 pm rating: 10
#7.2 Beanster

i’d sooner destroy a stain glass window than an artist like yourself, but, since i can’t have you talking on your cellphone….

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:36 pm rating: 12
#7.3 AuntyBron

Who are you?… I must know!

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:16 am rating: 3
#7.4 anglophile

Get used to disappointment.

Feb 26, 2010 at 6:39 am rating: 5
#7.5 Mo®

as you wish.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:23 pm rating: 3
#7.6 Palomon

Bonetti, Chewbacca, whatever it takes.

Feb 27, 2010 at 7:47 pm rating: 0
#7.7 sleeps

…unless your opponent has studied his Agrippa; which I have.

Feb 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm rating: 2
#7.8 clumber

Ahh, but I know something you do not!

Mar 1, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 1

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#8 Lisa

The worst is when people roll up with bluetooth headsets and you think they’re talking to you (or themselves). They’re the one hearing a voice in their head, and somehow that makes YOU the crazy one.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:06 pm rating: 46 small thumbs up

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#8.1 Mo®

Oh the borgs make me cringe too!

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:10 pm rating: 9
#8.2 matt

thats when you wait for them to finish and then do a few crazies of your own. take their order while looking at someone beside them for instance, mutter a few demonic sounding phrases while looking at them cross eyed. it freaks them out every time, i love it.

Feb 25, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 12
#8.3 aaa

Jesus fuck, all I’m trying to do is get some fucking coffee so I can assimilate you more efficiently! Goddamn!

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:17 pm rating: 12
#8.4 infant tyrone

Christ, Kiki, my pharmaceuticals are drooping…
Be a good boy and go down to the corner stall for a dozen majoun cookies
so I can be extra sensitive when I palpate that citizen’s orgones.

Going into an encounter like this half-cocked would be like charging a regiment of tanks with a defective slingshot.

*wishes whoever thumbed this would identify themselves below or ‘elsewhere’

Feb 26, 2010 at 9:19 am rating: 3

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#9 Woman on the Verge bang

That sign is so cool. Hold on, I have to call someone and tell them about it.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:07 pm rating: 13 small thumbs up

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#10 LB

As a former cashier, I have to side with Team Behind-the-register. Nothing worse than trying to take someone’s order or ask them a question while they are off in their own little world pretending like you don’t exist.

These are usually the same people that end up giving you a dirty look or complaining for repeating yourself a little louder or not handling their order right. In the time it takes you you get pissy with the register clerks, you could have just said, “I’ll call you back. *click*”

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:17 pm rating: 27 small thumbs up

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#10.1 John

As a customer, when someone is standing in front of me while the poor clerk tries to get their attention and solve the problem, I simply solve the problem by walking around them and placing my order. Look, they’re not participating in the retail experience, so the rest of us should just get on with their lives.

If a conversation is that important, it’s worth getting out of line at the Starbucks and having the conversation. If it’s not, why are you having it?

Rudeness is unacceptable even if the clerk is terrible at their job. I was raised that you treat other people with respect, not because they are good enough or made your coffee really quickly, but because they are people. Period. Treating someone like a fleshy vending machine is rude.

Apart from all that, the mobile talkers are a general nuisance, wandering around so disconnected from the physical world. Try piloting a grocery cart around one, or getting past them on the sidewalk. If you need to make a phone call, stop and stand in a reasonable place where people aren’t tripping over you, and make your phone call.

I always wonder what on earth these people are talking about every free second of the day. I imagine the overall information content of phone calls has dropped; once, you stopped and had a conversation; now, it seems to be an endless series of grunts and “OMG I’m at Starbucks, where are you? OMG!”

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:28 am rating: 59
#10.2 mlleraquel

Seriously, all we ask is that people aren’t rude.

I was raised that you treat other people with respect, not because they are good enough or made your coffee really quickly, but because they are people. Period. Treating someone like a fleshy vending machine is rude.

I think I love you, John. Well said.

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:42 am rating: 12
#10.3 Mo®

Indeed John, bravo and huzzah!

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:26 pm rating: 3
#10.4 LoveIt

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I’d just add to John’s comment about trying to get around one of these folks on the sidewalk. Try to get around one of these numbskulls on the road! Try to find a reasonably quiet spot in the restaurant where Mr. Important Businessman is loudly sharing his business with the entire world. Can’t be done.

Rant over. For now.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:28 pm rating: 5

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#11 kittencake

the worst thing in the pub i work in is when people come to the bar, order their drink, and then TURN AROUND WITH THEIR BACK TO ME and continue their conversation with a group of people. if it took me three hours to pour a pint, i would understand. but it doesn’t. i’m a human, not a bloody drink-mixing robot.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:23 pm rating: 10 small thumbs up

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#11.1 Woman on the Verge

Did you say something? I’m on the phone.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:31 pm rating: 8
#11.2 thirsty

You’d prefer that they just silently stared at you while you pour? Not everyone feels comfortable chatting with strangers, and the fact that said stranger is pulling a pint doesn’t change that. Maybe they’re trying to spare themselves and you an awkward moment by talking to their friends instead of failing to make small talk with you.

Feb 25, 2010 at 5:31 pm rating: 10
#11.3 cherylicious

Perhaps we should reinvigorate the art of small talk, then? It doesn’t take a genius to ask someone about their day and go on from there…

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:43 pm rating: 7
#11.4 Canthz_B

Barkeeps are strangers to no man! Be nice and get a slightly better pour.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:21 pm rating: 12
#11.5 seamstress

Its not my job to entertain you while you do your job. Im just out with my friends for a beer. We do not have a social contract. This is a commercial transaction. Just do your job for the love of pete.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:05 pm rating: 10
#11.6 LoveIt

Can someone repeat the comment about fleshy vending machines for seamstress?

Oh wait, I guess I did. You and DC, please see #10.1.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:31 pm rating: 6
#11.7 kittencake

i’m certainly not expecting to be ‘entertained’ by anyone i’m serving, or expecting them to talk to me (though ‘please’ and ‘thankyou’ is always nice y’know?), and i don’t mind at all if they talk to their friends whilst i make the drinks, it’s the (see how i put it in capitals?) TURNING AROUND WITH THEIR BACK TO ME that absolutely does my head in. it means i have to come back with the drinks and spend five minutes trying to get their attention back so i can take some money off them.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:19 pm rating: 3

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#12 Bunnee

Well, I’ll be. Someone actually did put clip art on a handwritten sign by drawing little pictures! (plus stylized letters, underlining and exclamation points)

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 7 small thumbs up

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#12.1 lownote

See I told you it was possible with a little effort :p

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:14 am rating: 2

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#13 Adam

These signs are fairly rude and I don’t think that they are very effective.

Feb 25, 2010 at 4:59 pm rating: 4 small thumbs up

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#13.1 Connie

Exactly. Why would are they on effectivenotes.com? I don’t understand.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:39 pm rating: 15
#13.2 Mo®

I think I saw one of them on effeminatenotes.com

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:28 pm rating: 2

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#14 the Librarian

Believe me, it’s not just the cashiers who would appreciate it if you would get the fuck off your phone already. The people standing in line behind you would love it, too.

I think I might have to put a sign like this on my reference desk.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:01 pm rating: 40 small thumbs up

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#14.1 park rose

Amen.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:14 pm rating: 4
#14.2 Canthz_B

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:27 pm rating: 9
#14.3 infant tyrone

PTL + pass the admonition ?

Feb 26, 2010 at 9:23 am rating: 4
#14.4 mlleraquel

Yes! Librarians unite!

Feb 26, 2010 at 11:43 am rating: 2
#14.5 much to my chagrin

Dyslexics untie!

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 3
#14.6 Andrea

My library has a sign like this. Except we made it much simpler. Very few words, just a giant clip art cellphone with NO PHONES written underneath. It works reasonably well. Still some talkers, but since the sign is so simple and straightforward with a giant picture on it we tend to get the amusing situation of children telling their parents
NO PHONES”. Even when their parents are being good. I love it.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:43 pm rating: 7
#14.7 RP

I’ll extend that. The people in line having dumbass conversations with the person next to them need to STFU too.

Feb 26, 2010 at 5:13 pm rating: 0
#14.8 oi

Are you having conversation RP? Are you next to Andrea? I think to request somebody to STFU just because their conversation does not interest you is dumbass.
so you know the drill now. After all you are the commencer of it.

Feb 26, 2010 at 5:28 pm rating: 4
#14.9 RP

@oi: No idea why you mentioned Andrea. My reply was to the Librarian who said that people talking on their cell phones in line before reaching the cashier are bothering the other people in the line.

I say an annoying conversation is an annoying conversation whether it’s one person on a phone or two people talking to each other. Anyone having loud, irritating conversations in the checkout line should STFU whether or not they happen to be using a cell phone.

Mar 3, 2010 at 11:19 am rating: 1
#14.10 Francesca

Yes! As well as the students (academic library) who walk off or answer their cell phone while I’m trying to HELP THEM. I’d put up a sign like this if I could get away with it. Alas, I cannot.

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 0

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#15 debkatz

People, people…yikes! Mobile phone users push a lot of buttons! Many people dislike overhearing loud conversations while standing in line. People behind the counter wish to speak directly to the person giving their order. I think there is a reasonable middle ground…not that a reasonable middle ground has ever been witty or funny, however. How about this: when giving your order, stay off the phone, be clear and concise, and let the person do their job. And now, person making coffee-get a grip. You’re being paid to make coffee, and not being babysat. If the person looks down, or reads a newspaper, or talks to the person next to them, what’s it to you? You’re generally chatting with the person YOU work with, right? If people are going to talk on the phone, keep the volume down, look your service person in the eye and be polite. See, it’s not funny OR witty. IT’S JUST REASONABLE.

Feb 25, 2010 at 6:57 pm rating: 8 small thumbs up

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#15.1 Canthz_B

If only more people could see reason through the obscuring veil of self-interest.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:31 pm rating: 7
#15.2 Michelle S.

I know, right? It’s those other people who are rude and clueless. I can’t be bothered to explain to them why I’m more important and why my calls are so important, but trust me on this. I am the exception.

Feb 28, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 2

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#16 kmd

To all the folks disparaging the workers behind the counter as somehow beneath the requirements of common courtesy:

I hope you’ve noticed that the grammar, punctuation, spelling, sentence structure and courtesy in every last one of these notes shows a level of literacy and consideration sorely lacking in the average PAN … and in all of the comments from the disparagers.

IOW, STFU n00b.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:29 pm rating: 18 small thumbs up

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#16.1 park rose

Umm, we’re pretty good at gigglebraxing, too. Who were you trying to reply to?

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:36 am rating: 2
#16.2 infant tyrone

Preliminary scan shows addressee as “folks”, dual-purposed as object of preposition “to” and subject of transitive verb “disparaging”.

Possibly not “all” of these “folks” are “n00b(s)”, so although this appears to be a non-fail wrt gigglebraxing, there is a plural-singular mismatch which is still a grammatically indictable offense.

Gigglebrax charges are dismissed, but the defendant is remanded to the PAN-itentiary pending indictment on the mismatch noted above.

BTW, rearrangement of your 2nd for ease of diagramming would yield “You were trying to reply to who?” Use of nominative case after a preposition has been reclassified as a victimless act, but purists have no doubt already made comments in your permanent dossier.

*Oh, sure…say you’re anti-prescriptivist now, but
“When the Revolution Comes”….declining to post YT link to
The Last Poets’ soundtrack of the same name lest the brief
discussion get diverted onto a completely non-grammatical track…
don’t get me started on Biggie Smalls’ possibly sacrilegious version…

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:10 am rating: 4
#16.3 park rose

To whom are you speaking, ty? I’m not getting into a who/whom debate, and I have no problem with some sentences ending with prepositions. I had an inner tussle before posting that sentence, but whom sounds stuffy to me. I do not like to use it. I think it is antiquated and will go out of use sooner or later.

As for everything else, yes, no, I don’t know. Others will know. Yaay. Consider me sentenced, hung, drawn, quartered, out to dry, whatever. For the people who have trouble with hung, go look up Shakespeare. Other prescriptivists, I do not really care. If I used that word incorrectly, I don’t care either.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:22 am rating: 3
#16.4 infant tyrone

Just sayin’ since software here doesn’t allow multiple addressees, which kmd was aiming at, it’s hard for me to see that a nesting failure occurred.

I’m not starting a who/whom debate either. It’s moot if we can all decode the meaning, as long as we’re not applying for jobs at BBC.

As PG’s island folk would say, “Hang loose!”

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:33 am rating: 1
#16.5 anglophile

Ending a sentence with a proposition is a team I am likely to cheer for.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:49 am rating: 10
#16.6 park rose

Okay, I’ll go with the singular-plural thing and stand corrected, at least until the trapdoor opens. Sorry, KMD.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:51 am rating: 3
#16.7 oi

I will root for any team that glo and rose are cheering for.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:54 am rating: 6
#16.8 park rose

Do you know the Australian usage of the word ‘root’, oi? I think I would apply it to you and glo’ with equal enthusiasm, and ty, if you behave yourself … though the foursome is more gg’s kind of gig.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:42 pm rating: 2
#16.9 oi

Hee Hee. That was an inadvertent adventure. I dunno about ty though. I can’t bear, for my life, long ass self talking conversations.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:24 pm rating: 0
#16.10 Mo®

Hooray Glo, Rose, and oi! What do you say we all go for an adult beverage and a some fun?

That kind of proposition? I am PATDS so it is all you get…

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:32 pm rating: 1

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#17 Hannah

I’m a cashier and I really don’t mind if people are on their cell phones. It doesn’t bother me at all. AT ALL.

Feb 25, 2010 at 7:31 pm rating: 4 small thumbs up

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#18 Tammy

I work next to a store in MA that has a sign on the front door that says, “Please don’t use your cell phone in this store, the rest of us don’t need to know what is going on in your life.” Now, here’s the best part: Typically, you have to wait a couple minutes for the high school age cashier to finish her cell call before she rings you up…Thank you Cardsmart.

Feb 25, 2010 at 8:26 pm rating: 6 small thumbs up

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#18.1 TippingCows

If you’re in MA, you have every right to scream at the girl, “Get off the phone you fucking retard!” (retahd)

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 9
#18.2 T.U.M.

Yeah, the cashiering kids at my local grocery are the same. I keep expecting to get a receipt that reads “OMG UR A HO”

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:51 am rating: 6

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#19 matty-wat

I love the hand lettered artistry of the sign from Frisco.

Feb 25, 2010 at 9:00 pm rating: 4 small thumbs up

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#19.1 Folksy McBride

matty-wat,

The lettering is lovely, but I especially like the long cords on the phones.

It was very considerate of the signmaker to include the discreetly colored dialogue emerging from the handset speakers, as well. (In case anyone was wondering what was being discussed.)

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:27 am rating: 6

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#20 Critical Grass bang

Dear costumer,

If you don’t get off your phone we’re gonna sneeze on your food.
That’s right!

Thank you.

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:03 pm rating: 2 small thumbs up

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#20.1 matt

chances are the chef’s already pissed in it anyway to protest low hours and low pay, whats a little extra phlem into the mix?

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 0
#20.2 JuliaJolie

You serve a lot of costumers at your place of employment?

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:27 pm rating: 3
#20.3 park rose

Only ones with phlem. It’s the new phlair, only with more mucus. Davy Jones is a regular.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:38 am rating: 3

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#21 Canthz_B bang

It’s about time someone explained their old slogan: “The Pathmark Promise”.

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:11 pm rating: 0 small thumbs up

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#22 Critical Grass bang

If you’re too busy to get off the phone, don’t worry! Check the other line, we’re ready to take your order!

I bet now you think you have problem, right?

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:22 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#23 Sean

It doesn’t matter what level of education a service employee has, or how he or she “ended up” there. In a brief, routine social transaction, it is simply courteous to make some eye contact and give (mostly) undivided attention.

Some commenters point out instances of discourtesy behind the counter as though these absolve the customer of any obligation to display manners. Obviously, it works both ways.

I don’t enjoy rude/mute/apathetic people, whatever side of the counter they (and I) happen to be on.

Talking on your cellphone while interacting with someone directly providing you service is rude. It is. It really is. Rather than getting defensive about it, just make this little compromise.

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:33 pm rating: 29 small thumbs up

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#23.1 Canthz_B

It would seem pretty simple. One doesn’t generally carry on separate conversations in a face to face situation with others.
One either has a change of subject, or someone says, “That’s not what we’re talking about.” and the offender gets with the program or moves on.

Team put ‘em on hold or call ‘em back. You can’t be on the phone right now, you’re busy, but will get right back to them.

Honestly, you shouldn’t need to have your cell surgically removed from your ear. Show a little self-control. That way, you have the time to pay attention when your kids take off their shoes and socks in public.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:44 pm rating: 14
#23.2 LoveIt

That goes for texting too! I know someone who, during a conversation, is always texting. Eye contact is sporadic at best and it’s obvious he’s more in the text conversation than the face-to-face. I am sooooo sick of it. Put down the toy already.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:11 pm rating: 3

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#24 JuliaJolie

I’ve been on both sides of this situation, but working in department stores and clothes shops. It is annoying, but not to the point where I’d put up a rude, off-putting notice about it.

I don’t have a cellphone anymore, but when I did, I always told the person on the line “hang on, I’m at the counter, I don’t want to be rude (to the cashier)”. But a few times I’ve noticed cashiers treat ME like a piece of crap that’s beneath their little pimply-faced existence.

The other day, a piece-of-zygote-cashier at a shop in the mall was chatting to a group of 5-6 of his annoying hipster friends who were crowding the cash register and not buying anything. I waited for 10-15min in line (and I was the only one in line) and when he started talking he was actually making eye contact with me but actually talking to his co-worker behind him! I didn’t say a damn word or even look angry. His co-worker told him he’d talk “after you finish the transaction”….

Maybe it’s just because I’m foreign, and from a country where there isn’t such a ridiculous rich/poor dichotomy, but I really just wanted to smack this little shit in the face.

Feb 25, 2010 at 10:34 pm rating: 7 small thumbs up

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#24.1 TippingCows

I call your face-smacking and raise you a ball-kicking.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:12 pm rating: 7
#24.2 Canthz_B

I’ll see your ball-kicking and raise you an “I’d like to speak to the manager.”

Then I’d show the manager what I was about to purchase and explain why I’m no longer interested in doing so.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:51 pm rating: 11
#24.3 benstep11

There’s a problem with the whole “I’d like to speak to your manager” bit…
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

That manager was a lowly peon last week.

The “higher-ups” know that the guests need to see someone in a different type of shirt to feel secure that there’s someone in charge. A captain of the ship. A lot of times they fill that role with whomever is willing to wear the shirt that day.

Retail managers and restaurant managers are there for two things: 1) To make guests feel safe, and 2) To count the till at the end of the night.

Even if most of them had “real power” do you think they’d take the guest’s side? They’ll never see the guest again, but they’re probably going over to the employee’s house after work to play COD.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:30 am rating: 8
#24.4 seamstress

And where you do come from without haves or have-nots? Narnia?

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm rating: 2

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#25 TippingCows

I think everyone should work a retail and/or food service job for at least a month. It gives one a lot of perspective on how the average Joe regards the rest of the world. It will also change your view on how to treat the people that bring you your food or ring up your sales.
That being said, if a server or cashier is ignoring you or being rude to you without any provocation, you have a right to grumble back at them! But I always tell the person on the other end of the phone to hold on when I am ringing something up. Then again, I am rarely ever talking on the phone in public, too. I just don’t want people hearing my conversations, I guess.

Feb 25, 2010 at 11:15 pm rating: 10 small thumbs up

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#25.1 Canthz_B

Best ever moment in service history:

While I was working as a bus boy at IHOP, my co-worker asked if he could clear a table for some diners (guy and his date). The Guy shoved a plate across the table and said something along the lines of if he needed help he’d have asked for it.
My co-worker was only able to get out…”Boy, I’ll snatch you up and…” before I got to him!

Lenny was “old”, 28 I think, and an army vet.

Mad props, Lenny!

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:02 am rating: 4
#25.2 LoveIt

I don’t blame Lenny, that guy was a jerk+. But I will say that I am a slow eater, and I get really sick of people constantly stopping by my table and asking if they can have my plate. Leave me alone and let me finish in peace, please!

Still I’d never treat someone like that guy did.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:38 pm rating: 2

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#26 Canthz_B bang

Listen closely, all I need to hear from you is: “That’ll be fiftyy eight-ninety five. Cash or charge?”
Just push the buttons with the right pictures on them and I’ll be on my way, moron!

Because that’s the way the world is supposed to work.

Feb 26, 2010 at 3:44 am rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#27 krista

I had a woman sit in my section during lunch a few months ago. She placed her conference call on speaker phone, and set it on the table. When my section filled up, she turned her phone up even louder to hear over the other diners. She ignored me through the whole meal, pissed of her friends, and annoyed a whole section at one time.

I think it’s safe to say, that some people have no regard for the comfort of others. Whether they be an uneducated, zit faced, hipster, spider monkey (?) waitress, like myself, or a diner with a “real” job, education, a fancy suit, and ambition in life.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:12 am rating: 7 small thumbs up

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#27.1 LoveIt

That is exactly when the manager needs to step in and ask the rude piece of **** to turn it off or get out. Honestly, I won’t be a customer in a place like that if the management isn’t going to put a stop to that kind of crap.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:41 pm rating: 4

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#28 park rose bang

Cords in photos one and three seem to be the order of the day, which is kind of ironic, taking the subject matter into account. You can go all Morissette on me if you wish.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:40 am rating: 2 small thumbs up

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#28.1 matty-wat

And the element of discord in all of the notes.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:57 am rating: 2

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#29 Havingfitz

I work in a call-center. This is not a “poor life choice”, it is my choice. I enjoy it and the job works for me. You don’t know how many times people call for help, and then immediately put me on hold so they can finish their cell-phone conversations. But woe unto you if YOU put them on hold to look something up for them. If you want my help, call back when you actually have the time to tell me your problem.

Feb 26, 2010 at 8:03 am rating: 8 small thumbs up

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#29.1 park rose

Yeah, fitzy, but how long did they have to wait to get through to you in the first place? You’ve got to fill those 2 hours in somehow

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 3
#29.2 Havingfitz

And have you ever wondered WHY you have to wait so long to get through to someone? It’s because the douche that called ahead of you keeps putting me on hold to order pizza, answer the door, change the baby, and file his taxes. After starting the call by ranting for five minutes about how long it took me to pick up. You’re not waiting on me, Sunshine. You’re waiting on them.

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:32 pm rating: 7
#29.3 oi

oh puuhleeze! really!? the call center guy is complaining about being put on hold!! kill. me. just. now. I think I have seen everything.
Call center people are the worst. They play musical chair with the callers. and every fucking time you have to state the problem from the scratch only to be put on hold to be transfered to more “appropriate rep.” oh and when you are done describing the problem you have to wait before they tell you that they are spider monkeys and they can’t help you because they are entering the problem into the system for “future reference” What about fucking present?
and not to mention the horrible hold music they put you through. I almost ripped apart my own cell phone.

Feb 26, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 5
#29.4 infant tyrone

Gee (or ghee),
I guess since there are still scrolling mice in the world, I may still
inhabit a higher circle of the Inferno than tech support call center staff.
Better swear off giving any sort of advice here lest my marginal and dubious advantage dissipate. Just keep it real and add homonym.

Feb 26, 2010 at 6:35 pm rating: 0
#29.5 park rose

Fitz, I am sure that happens, but I also think it is a vicious circle. Often when I have to ring a 1800 (in Australia) number or a customer service call centre number, apart from for a bank, I know I am, generally speaking, going to have to wait a long time. I mean, it takes a while for my call to get to India in the first place, or the Philippines! Not all companies outsource, of course, but in Australia a fair few do. Australia has apalling customer service, phone-wise, though. It is hopefully different elsewhere. Maybe some companies employ enough people.

So, I think, well, I’m just standing here with a phone glued to my ear, what else can I do? I don’t think I’ve ever put the call-centre person on hold because geez, I’m not mad, am I? It took me 2 hours to get through to a person, I’m not going to endanger the possibility that something might get done.

I am surprised you like your job though. No insult intended and kudos to you. It is my experience that customers on the phone are second in rudeness only to people writing notes on the Internet.

Feb 26, 2010 at 7:02 pm rating: 3
#29.6 yesisaworld

oi,

i think you need to take a deep breath. inept call center employees only exist when a company has decided that great customer service isn’t really that important. take out your frustration on management and let them know it’s a bad system. the people you’re calling can’t change the problem.

Mar 2, 2010 at 12:38 pm rating: 1

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#30 aaa bang

What? I can’t hear you!
Ugh! This douchebag is talking
It’s debit, you dolt

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:00 am rating: 2 small thumbs up

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#31 Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

Team I-wish-cell-phones-and-credit-cards-had-never-been-invented.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:02 am rating: 7 small thumbs up

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#31.1 anglophile

Team I’d-like-to-pretend-I’m-not-totally-dependent-on-my-cell-phone-but-I-hate-lying.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:59 pm rating: 7

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#32 Kohoutek

I work in a bookshop because I like it. I like being surrounded by things I love and the people who work there are the nicest and generally most intelligent bunch I’ve met in a long time.

It was pretty quiet the other day so I was trying to get some books out on the shelves, so not behind the cash desk. This guy came in and to get my attention, instead of coming up and saying (as I do when I go into shops in that situation) “Can I pay for this please?” He stood at the counter and shouted “SHOP!”. He then proceeded to talk on his phone all the way through the transaction.

I still said please and thank you and gave him the right change. The fuckwit.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:25 pm rating: 11 small thumbs up

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#32.1 Mo®

You were a great comet. Thanks for inspiring me to study astrophysics!

Veremos el cometa Kohoutec estos días. Calculan los astrónomos
que volverá a ser visto dentro de cincuenta mil años.

¿Entiendes mi arrebato? ¿No es una dádiva generosa, amada,
amiga mía, tu presencia de hoy?

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:41 pm rating: 4

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#33 skippy

Customers gabbing on the phones is so annoying. Is it that difficult to put it down for twenty seconds and interact with me? It’s especially bad when they’re talking on the phone, then looking straight in my eyes. I have no clue who what they’re saying is directed to.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:54 pm rating: 4 small thumbs up

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#34 seamstress

Geez, get over yourselves you hothouse flowers.

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:54 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#34.1 park rose

I would, but I’m so clumsy. It’s kind of orchid.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:00 pm rating: 5
#34.2 anglophile

Take it easy, no one wants this situation to turn to violets.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:04 pm rating: 8
#34.3 Mo®

I am just daisy and confused.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:42 pm rating: 4
#34.4 infant tyrone

Hey, Robert Plant reprising Cliff Robertson’s role in Flowers for Algernon.

In Geneva’s rose garden what flower is named after Charlie Chaplin?
A rose.
* per WikiAnswers anyhow

Just random musings from an old dope petaller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIzRGHuJt_I

Feb 26, 2010 at 6:43 pm rating: 1
#34.5 matty-wat

Good to see you rose to the occasion. If I add another pun iris upsetting you pansies.

Feb 26, 2010 at 9:00 pm rating: 4
#34.6 park rose

That would be humidifying, matty-wat, though don’t get in a sweat now. Just remember, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, or be stoned, ty.

Feb 26, 2010 at 10:37 pm rating: 3
#34.7 infant tyrone

Yes, rose…and people who live in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones…

In my college years I was fond of the prescription No Left Turn Unstoned, but Currantly I’m more likely to be as sober as a judge presiding over an important Acacia. This doesn’t rule out an occasional therapeutic herbal Dahliance with Poppyseed dressing, but the only people administering anything to me via Syringa are licensed medical professionals.

I may not be flying high on a Jimson Weed broomstick these days,
but I’m Lichen it OK Fir the Thyme being…How’s by Yew ?

Feb 28, 2010 at 12:19 am rating: 3

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#35 sarah

im enjoying the thought that just because someone hasn’t achieved the same level of success as you, you are allowed to treat them however you wish. though it may result in some level of scarring on the brain stem from the high level of elitist douchbaggery it brings.
Team Courtesy Doesn’t Have Status Restrictions!

Feb 26, 2010 at 12:57 pm rating: 14 small thumbs up

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#36 lotell

I work hurricanes, and occasionally you will get some loud obnoxious troublemaker in the crowd waiting for food and water. My policy has always been to ask them to step out and come for a little walk. We walk I listen to him (hardly ever a woman), then once we are at the perimeter of the area I tell them that since we got back from Iraq some of my guys are a little jumpy, please don’t come back because they will shoot you.

Strangely these characters don’t come back.

Feb 26, 2010 at 1:00 pm rating: 16 small thumbs up

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#36.1 infant tyrone

You have come up with beautifullly appropriate verbal technology.
But, why it works is not so mysterious or strange.
You probably have a very believable delivery.
If you + your fellows are in any sort of uniform, all the better stagecraft.
Thumb #5 and a green light from my 20.

Feb 26, 2010 at 6:50 pm rating: 3
#36.2 Folksy McBride

i.t.,

“Any sort of uniform” is taking it a bit too far.

Still, I’d be the first to admit that some old fashioned bell boys’ uniforms for the lads, and some tight-fitting nurses’ outfits for the ladies would go a long way towards making me want to return again and again for water and food if I were trapped in a post-hurricane disaster relief zone. French maids uniforms would hold a similiar appeal.

My cousin designs custom-made clown suits. (Believe or not, clowns shell out top dollar for the right look.)

Feb 27, 2010 at 3:02 am rating: 2
#36.3 infant tyrone

F.M.
(any kin to Krassner’s saying Snyder was an FM mind in an AM body?),

From a literal angle, “any sort of uniform” was not taking it far enough. “any sort of uniform associated with relief organizations that customarily issue firearms to their members” was what I had in mind, but that would have been a “long ass self talking conversation” per the resident rani.
(Not sure exactly what it means, but I know it’s not good.)

Your trans-literal outfitting of boys and girls plying the relief trade got me to stretching the literal envelope a bit. Something from a vintage full-auto Thompson with oiled oak stock and hand-grip all the way down to an AR-15 (the Guns ‘n’ Ammo corollary of the simple black cocktail dress) in the hands of Wendy O. Williams in leather or Captain Sensible in nurse drag arguably would be more effective than in the hands of G.I. Joe Average in fatigues. It would forestall the occasional citizen’s bright idea of engaging the weapon holder in (and in effect dis-arming them by means of) a tete a tete regarding units served in and missions undertaken. There doesn’t seem to be much interest on the part of lotell’s “loud obnoxious troublemakers” to engage in “Death by Punk”, but maybe the seemingly negligible sociological trend is like an iceberg that we will learn the true extent of only later. I’m optimistic and think of the snow gauge as half full.

I’m not especially interested in bellboys or in boys in general, but if they’re even a ’small’ part of your profile, here’s a little guy that got away…
http://www.bellhop.org/BHphoto.html

I had a home-study student who had clown-phobia (coulrophobia).
She had been at a birthday party where “Spanks” was entertaining. Spanks’ gimmick was to take kids over his/her (?) knee and blurt out the marginally clever line “Spank you very much!” We may find it droll and abstractly amusing, but at the right young age being up close with some clowns apparently can lay down some neural tracks filled with nothing but bad jazz. This has motivated me to put “Shakes the Clown” on my eventually-must-see movie list. With dialog like the following, it’s a wonder I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Bobcat is an angel that even Werner Herzog would probably be skittish around.

Dink: I asked her what time it was, she told me it was 7:30.
Stenchy: Oh, that’s the cornerstone of a lasting relationship, what time it is?
Dink: Yes, yes. Because, first I asked her what time it is, right? Tomorrow I get to ask her the date, the day after that she’s all over me. That’s how it works, you play it slow.

Brgds,
ty (easier to type than i.t., feel free)

P.S. If Wendy and the Captain are too outre for you to imagine with firearms, maybe scale it back to the little girl character (and the concomitant image she conjures) that Maria Bamford channels when she says, “Baby look pretty now, Mommy ? Baby look pretty now ?”

Feb 27, 2010 at 2:40 pm rating: 1

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#37 Neal

Cell phone use in public is generally annoying…… on the other hand…….. I’m not going to bother with someplace that post signs about how they are not go to take your money unless you share some pet peeve they have.

Feb 26, 2010 at 2:50 pm rating: 3 small thumbs up

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#37.1 Folksy McBride

Neal, what if the product they served was something you craved?

Then you’d change your tune. There would be no more of this “I’m not going to bother with….” bravado.

Admit it, Neal.

You’d be standing in our long line, with your muted phone stuffed into your pocket, and your tail tucked firmly between your legs.

And we’d be standing behind our counter sign, poised to ask you: “Neal, would you like a side of crow with that?”

Everyone knows that you hate our sign, Neal. We know that you went to PAN and made your big, bold announcement to the world.

And we know that our Krabby Patties are just too damn tasty for you to honor the solemn promise you made to the whole of mankind at PAN.

That’s why the video of you standing in front of our sign and placing your order is now playing constantly on YouTube, as the complete text of your PAN pledge scrolls underneath it.

Feb 27, 2010 at 3:16 am rating: 7

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#38 Kayley

Honestly, I’ve never thought this to be rude.

I work as a sales associate in Old Navy, and people talk on their phones all the time. I’m perfectly alright with it. I don’t see it as an insult at all.

I’m a texter, not a talker, but I’ve never considered being on the phone to be rude. I mean, it’s one thing if a cashier is trying to talk to you, but if he/she is just ringing stuff up, why not? And I’m saying this from the perspective of a cashier. Sometimes people come in with $500 worth of clothes that take 5 minutes to ring up. If a person doesn’t want to talk, I’m not going to force him/her to talk. It’s his/her decision. It’s not like he/she is doing it on purpose to offend me.

I will probably consider it more now…I’m so busy that I try to fit in phone calls whenever I can. I don’t want to offend anyone though. What do you guys think about when a person is on the phone, but pauses his/her phone conversation while purchasing his/her products? Is that alright? Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever talked on the phone while ordering something, but it could happen. I wouldn’t even have a second thought. And no, it’s not because I don’t respect the cashier. I have a great amount of respect for the diversity of choice that each person makes in his/her life; besides, I am a cashier, and I love being a cashier! As long as I tell a cashier what he/she needs to know about my order, I don’t see what the problem is. It’s fine to me when others do that while I’m cashiering.

Like some people have said, it’s a business transaction. As long as the details of the transaction have been ironed out, what’s the problem? I definitely take my cashiering beyond the level of being only a transaction, but I’m fine with it if my customers desire nothing more.

Feb 27, 2010 at 12:52 am rating: 5 small thumbs up

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#38.1 Canthz_B

Kayley, it’s a matter of etiquette.

Cell phones have blurred the line between public and private, and some people don’t seem to know the difference.

It’s also a matter of distinguishing between needs and wants. Do you need to be on the phone right then? Or just want to be?

As a person of a certain age, I can remember not needing to be in constant communication with others.

Sure, we used to use the phone in public. We had these things called telephone booths. We would go inside them and close the doors thereby creating a private space in a public place.
There is no invisible bubble of privacy generated by a cell phone, so your voice carries beyond your “personal space” and invades the “personal space” of others, which is rude.

Some would argue that it’s no different than having a face-to-face conversation with a friend in public.
That sounds reasonable on its face, but ignores the fact that we tend to speak much more loudly into a cell phone than we would to a person sitting across the table from us.
In fact, if we’re talking to a friend in public and it looks like someone is paying attention to our conversation, we tend to speak more softly because we want what we say to be private. People don’t do that with cell phones. Like children with a new toy, they tend to want everyone see that they have a cool new telecommunications device.

Also, just because you like your ring tones, doesn’t mean everyone does. Answer the phone before the entire tune plays please.

Feb 27, 2010 at 3:12 am rating: 5
#38.2 anglophile

I don’t know what you’re talking about, CB. Everyone likes a rousing chorus of When the Saints Go Marching In. That’s why I always let my phone go to voicemail.

Feb 27, 2010 at 7:50 am rating: 3

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#39 Joan of Argghh!

I used to smile at them and hand them their receipt and say, “Here you go. And thanks for the $20 cash back!”

They walked away with a stupid nod, still clueless as to their transaction. I never actually did it, just said it to prove a point. Just sayin’ it now to perhaps wake someone up. If I can think of such a thing, someone else is surely doing such a thing to unwitting cell phone freaks.

Feb 27, 2010 at 7:58 am rating: 3 small thumbs up

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#40 Fanboy Wife

I like these!

Feb 27, 2010 at 8:47 am rating: 0 small thumbs up

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#41 Maria

It’s hysterical how irrational some store clerks are about this — to the point of posting signs advertising their utter lack of reasoning skills, courtesy, or work ethic.

I have yet to see one of these idiots self-righteously insist you stop talking to your shopping companion before they will permit you to hand over money. That betrays the real motive here — the irrational resentment of people who have cell phones. I don’t know why that’s still around — they’ve been cheap for years, and are hardly an ostentatious status symbol — but some people still can’t think rationally about/around them.

I don’t use my cell phone when I’m in stores, period, whether I’m interacting with a clerk or not, because that isn’t why I have it. But I’m rational enough to recognize that humans can exchange a few words with others — present or not — in between greeting a store clerk and handing over their money.

Feb 27, 2010 at 3:04 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#41.1 Rationalist

“That betrays the real motive here — the irrational resentment of people who have cell phones. I don’t know why that’s still around…”

Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, does it? So maybe you should abandon it as a hypothesis. That would be the rational result of realizing that your explanation doesn’t make sense.

The reason cashiers ask you not to talk on a cellphone, but don’t insist you end your conversations with someone standing there, is simple if you apply some reasoning skills: when you talk on a cellphone, YOU COVER ONE OF YOUR EARS. Therefore, it’s reasonable to deduce, it’s harder for you to hear the cashier.

Further, when you’re on a cellphone, you usually tune out of your surroundings because your attention is on the phone conversation. Most people talking to someone right next to them remain aware of their immediate environment, but most people talking on a cellphone are focusing on the phone conversation. The cashier finds it hard to get your attention, and they are unable to do their job.

Try doing your job while everyone you interact with is on the phone with someone else. Maybe then your “reasoning skills” will have actual experience to draw upon, rather than nonsensical suppositions pulled straight from your hinder.

Feb 28, 2010 at 11:52 pm rating: 2
#41.2 baristaplusstudent

I have an iPhone, which I bought for myself with my hard-earned ’service industry’ money. I’m not jealous of some lady’s Blackberry Pearl. I’m pissed off that I’m being denied basic things like eye contact, conversation, human connection, etc.

Nice try, though.

Mar 2, 2010 at 12:03 pm rating: 3

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#42 Sammie

I’ve worked on the other side of the counter in the past, and have to admit it, I find it extremely rude if the person I’m serving is on the phone or talking with a friend at the time. (Another pet peeve is throwing the money on the counter instead of putting it in my outstretched hand).
On the other hand, as a customer, I find it very painful to be served by someone who’s busy chatting with her (usually this is a girl thing) friend about her weekend, her boyfriend, her school, her whatever whilst serving me.
I don’t often particularly want to have a long conversation with my server, but eye contact, please and thank-you go a long way to making a shopping experience a good one.
It seems to be a forgotten art, on both sides of the counter, and infuriates me each time I witness it. All this talk of spitting in coffee doesn’t help either. Who’re you kidding here? You took the job, and unfortunately, there are some arseholes out there. It doesn’t mean you can be one too….

Feb 27, 2010 at 3:55 pm rating: 3 small thumbs up

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#43 PJ

I deal with this at my work as well. When you’re talking on the phone and I’m ringing you up, there are things I’m required to say as a cashier. Things like “Hi, did you find everything okay?” “That’ll be six twenty-eight.” “May I see a picture ID?” “I just need a signature right here.” “Here are your receipts and your card. Have a great day!”

Am I supposed to talk over your phone call or wait for a lull in your conversation? Should I say anything at all? Half of the time they don’t hear me say the total, end up having to cover the speaking end on their phone and ask, “how much was it again?”

It’s awkward.

Feb 27, 2010 at 9:06 pm rating: 3 small thumbs up

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#43.1 MAMARILLA2

Back when I was manager for a Denny’s, I was assisting the Hostess. Gentleman walks in on his cell, talking loudly. I wait, menus in arm, for him to tell me how many in his party. After 10 -15 minutes he looks up at me and says, “Do you even speak English”. What I wish I could have said and done had I the chance…Team Get off the cells in public.

Feb 28, 2010 at 4:55 pm rating: 2

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#44 Steven

You people are all sick in the head and have got too much time on your hands.

Feb 28, 2010 at 4:40 am rating: 0 small thumbs up

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#44.1 anglophile

I know, right? Next thing they’ll start doing is spend lots of time reading a blog and its comments and then make psychiatric diagnoses based on that small sample of behavior.

Cr-a-zy!

Feb 28, 2010 at 6:23 am rating: 10
#44.2 matt

#44 thumbs down for you

Feb 28, 2010 at 6:30 am rating: 0

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#45 Marie

If you want me to pay attention, then I surely expect you to pay attention to me. Don’t talk to other workers when I’m at the cash register. I don’t give a rip about when your break is, what party you went to, etc etc. I once had a cashier never say hello or even tell me what my total was, all while chatting with a co-worker about who should be promoted to assistant manager. As I left I said, ” I wouldn’t hire either one of you.”

Mar 1, 2010 at 9:50 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#45.1 Geek Kittie

As someone who tries to be a polite customer, this really annoys me. I don’t expect the service person to go out of their way, but I do expect them to perform the job they’re paid to do. It’s even more offensive when the service person acts like I’m inconveniencing them by making them perform their duties.

Although… I have to admit that I wasn’t much different when I was a teen and working fast food. It wasn’t all the time. I could be very pleasant and professional. But there were plenty of occasions where I was just shit.

Mar 7, 2010 at 12:15 pm rating: 1

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#46 baristaplusstudent

I’m a barista at Starbucks AND a student at a fairly prestigious university. I work at a coffee shop in an attempt to avoid student loans. I’m NOT working there because it’s all I have in my life … I’m hoping to be well into my career within the next few years. So, there’s my response to the (unfortunately abundant) statement that ‘people who work in customer service are just there because they’re too stupid to have a decent job’.

People who talk on their phones when they come up to my till automatically get decaf. I don’t care what they order … the more caffeinated their request is, the better. They have no right to treat me like a sub-par human being because I am currently ’serving’ them. The urge to disrupt service to these people (as they are in the process of disrupting MY day) is so severely strong that I have been known to charge people extra (since they’re not paying me any attention anyway) on top of refusing them their caffeine (without their knowledge).

And for the record, not all coffehouses employ lazy, self-involved workers. Every single person I work with is attentive to the customer’s needs first and foremost. I’m sorry a lot of you have experienced shoddy customer service, but when the service is good (as ours is) and every customer is greeted with a warm smile, a “hi, how are you today?” and all attention is on them, and they STILL insist on talking on their phones instead of speaking to the flesh-and-blood people in front of them, all I can say to them is a big FUCK YOU in my head. What an inconsiderate thing to do.

Say what you want about employees in the service industry. The vast majority of us are just hard-working people like everyone else, and we wish to be treated like people, as well. And if you refuse me that simple right, I will simply refuse you the right to your fucking coffee, you yuppie dicks.

Mar 2, 2010 at 11:55 am rating: 10 small thumbs up

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#47 Mo® bang

sometimes people make inflammatory statements to incite huffy puffy responses…
You self involved, self righteous twaddle! IF the shoe fits make your own bed with it up a river! So there.

Mar 2, 2010 at 12:31 pm rating: 0 small thumbs up

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#48 Rachel

Oh, if ONLY I could post one of these at work (food court in a mall) and get away with it! And while “don’t be a douchebag and get off your cell phone” would be at the top of the page, I would make a list of other important items as follows:

- DON’T point at the food you want. Display case glass is mirrored and I have no idea what the fuck you’re pointing at. There are signs. Read them.

- DON’T shove your money in my face before I’ve even told you your total, and certainly DON’T lean across the counter to do so. I DON’T need your face a foot from mine (and you really need to brush your teeth).

- DON’T ask me what I recommend. I find this really, really annoying for some reason. Pick your own damn food!

- DON’T ask me to break your change. It’s against store policy, and I’m not going to bend the rules for you no matter how loud you yell at me (fancy that!). Need a $5 for those stupid kiddie carts your screaming child is demanding? Maybe it’s time to stop spoiling them and bring your own damn carrier into the mall, you lazy assfuck.

- DON’T hand me crumpled money. This annoys me more than anything! Take the time to unfold your money, and ESPECIALLY don’t hand me a handful of crumpled money and then go, “Sorry,” with an ashamed grin. Take the time and fucking do it yourself or go buy a fucking wallet!

If there’s a line (or any of the time, but when there’s a line especially):

- DON’T wait until you get to the register to pull out your cash. The prices are there on a big board in front of you. You know how to add (although that might be assuming too much). Get out what you think you’re going to need before you get to me so I don’t have to wait for you to dig through your pockets to find all your loose bills.

- DON’T make exact change; I have change, and I will gladly break your $20 for a $3.87 total just so that you don’t stand there digging through your purse/pockets/friend’s pockets just so you can give me exact change.

- DON’T get to the front of line and THEN realize you don’t know what you want. Neither I, nor the people in line behind you, appreciate it when you spend five minutes choosing, changing your mind, getting to the register and realizing you don’t have enough money, and then walking off without a word. (Yep, it’s happened before.)

And finally, DON’T be a group of teenagers. There is nothing I hate more than a group of loud, obnoxious teenagers who think they’re entitled to anything they want. (Nope, I’m not going to make you something special just because you asked in a loud voice, and you think three pennies is a good tip.)

Being polite will get you a long way, and I’m not afraid enough of losing my job that I won’t tell you if you’re being rude. Feel free to complain to my boss; he’s there enough to know that I work damn hard at what I do for not enough money, and he’ll back me up in a heart beat.

Whew! All right, time for me to go to work.

Mar 2, 2010 at 3:05 pm rating: 2 small thumbs up

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#48.1 dave

omg! Where would the world be if it were not for your services?
yes that’s right. We would be still here enjoying our cell phone conversations even if your sorry stupid ass was not behind the counter. yes, Angelina Pivarnick you do great things.

That being said I would agree with you about one thing though. those teenagers are stupid. they expected nice service from you(one look at your bleached long pony tail with 4 different color bands and browning rabbit teeth and I would know not to expect to get my order right even if I would have written that for you and no cell phone in sight of course) and on the top of that they considered you tip worthy!!!! Where are the rude teenagers when you need them?

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:31 pm rating: 1
#48.2 dave

“DON’T ask me to break your change”

“and I will gladly break your $20 for a $3.87 total”

yep that’s what I would expect from you. you would do anything but customer’s asks you to do, however reasonable.
may be your parents did not hug you enough when you were a kid or may be you tried to bite them when they tried to hug you and finally they gave up. yeah, that ’s more likely scenario.

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:43 pm rating: 1
#48.3 Geek Kittie

To be fair, it’s a pain in the ass when customers ask you to do things that are against store policy. You can become irate all you want, there’s nothing a service person can do in those situations.

I remember working fast food as a teen. We were required to ask customers if they wanted fries or something else from the menu. This resulted in a lot of snide responses from customers “Did I ask for fries??” I couldn’t care less, but it was our job.

Mar 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm rating: 0

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#49 Gandu

God help the first person who refuses to take my order if I have my cell phone near by.

I actrually will take mine out (I rarely use mine at ALL BTW) and pretend to be on the phone with someone when I see these kind of “California Asshole” type signs.

When confronted I ask two questions
1) Did you pay for my phone?
2) Do you pay my bill?

Oh no? Well then don’t go telling me what to do with my personal property, mind your business and KNOW YOUR PLACE.

I understand cell phones are “annoying” to some, but its just as annoying when I have some min wage counter jockey telling me what to do.

Besides, I see NO REASON why it could hinder or impede the ordering process, unless you are a whiny baby.

Mar 4, 2010 at 11:21 am rating: 3 small thumbs up

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#49.1 Geek Kittie

Perhaps you should know YOUR place and acknowledge that you’re in public. IF you’re blathering on the phone is slowing down the line or impeding a servant from helping you, it is rude.

Of course no one can stop you from using your phone, but don’t get all whiny when people sneer at your utter lack of manners and your inflated sense of entitlement. I find it amusing when people who are actively disrespectful to others become all self-righteous when this lack of self-awareness is looked down upon.

Generally speaking I don’t have a problem with cellphones in public as long as the person is paying attention to what they’re doing/going.

It’s extremely annoying when you’re shopping and an oblivious SVU mom type almost runs you down with her shopping cart because she was too busy talking about nothing important on her cell.

Mar 7, 2010 at 12:06 pm rating: 3

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#50 DireStr8s

mmmm…I just need you to scream KNOW YOUR PLACE one more time baby

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:01 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#51 Jesse and the Rippers

I have to be honest, I don’t take too kindly to the “get off your phone or we will not take your order” way of doing business. While I certainly agree that it is the height of rudeness to gab on the phone while conducting business with another human being, I find it counterproductive to threaten not to serve me because of it.

I doubt the veracity of such threats. I think there are actually no consequences if I continue to talk on my phone, especially in this economy. If my local Starbucks were to refuse to serve all the folks that are talking on the phone as they stand in line, they’d probably lose 30% of their sales. And they’d probably lose them for good, as most people would likely not return to an establishment that ejected them for a relatively minor offense. It just seems to me that it punishes the store more than the patron, who can simply go across the street to the other Starbucks and be served.

That’s not to say that the rude customers who cannot deign to cease a phone call long enough to show another human being some respect do not deserve to be called out in some way. I recall in my youth being told that if I peed in the pool, a red circle would form around me, alerting one and all to my transgression. What we need is a retail equivalent. Some sort of public embarrassment that does not result in the establishment losing money, but is a deterrent to rude behavior.

Of course, this would make the PAN obsolete in the retail world, so this probably isn’t the place to discuss it.

Mar 8, 2010 at 6:56 pm rating: 1 small thumbs up

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#52 von der Neeth

Team Pathmark pharmacy!
It’s almost a Haiku-ey kind of thing. Just… BEAUTIFUL.

Mar 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 0 small thumbs up

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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

February 25th, 2010 · 196 comments

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