Entries from February 2010

Can you dig it?

February 21st, 2010 · 364 Comments

“When I first moved to Chicago,” says Mike, “my grandfather told me about parking in the winter. One would dig out a spot and insert a chair, reserving the spot for your trouble.” One of his neighbors, it seems, didn’t get the benefit of such grandfatherly wisdom.

Dear Transplant, You obviously haven't lived in Chicago long.

Neither, apparently, did Chris…who made the mistake of parking in an empty space outside his friend’s house in Chicago for few hours. When he got home, he found this note affixed to his mirror with glue.

Thanks for being so rude by parking in the space that I shoveled out for my family.

And of course, Chicago isn’t the only city that takes its snow-shoveling etiquette seriously.

Just ask Anna in New Jersey…

This table is not trash, it is mine. I am using it to mark my parking spot that I so diligently shoveled out twice yesterday.

Or Brooke in Indianapolis…

I spent 3.5 hours over 2 days to shovel this parking space out so i could get to work and earn a paycheck. Since parking on the street is my only option at the moment, I would ask that you respect my hard work in shoveling myself out and NOT take my spot to park.  Have your business spend money to plow your spots in front of your business if you would like a clean spot to park.  Regards, A homeowner with a sore back from shoveling so much snow!!!

Or Amy in Washington, D.C…

Dear "Neighbor": I'm sure you thought the Recycling Bin and Trash Bags were just there for decoration. When a person spends hours digging out a parking spot through two separate snowstorms, she has a right to park there upon her return.

Or Larry in Silver Spring, Maryland…

NOT COOL!!  You didn't take 3 hours to shovel this spot OUT!!  This is MY parking spot!!

Or Kristin in Pittsburgh…

PLEASE DON'T PARK HERE (or I will totally lose my shit!!)

Olivia in Albany…

Don't think about parking here   Shovel your own space  Thank you   Have a nice day

Or Chris in Boston…where they’re always keepin’ it classy.

Hey fucking asshole the barrel was there for a reason. I didn't shovel out the spot that you could park your shitbox in it you fucking dickhead.

related: Boston, a place for friends

Tags: Chicago · etiquette · most popular notes of 2010 · neighbors · parking · snow

One more time now — what do I do with the cat?

February 18th, 2010 · 89 Comments

“I don’t even like cats,” our submitter in San Francisco admits, “but reading the note made me want to go inside to see what someone would be so inclined to steal.”

Please Come Inside The Store To Say "Hi" To The Cat.  Please Don't Let The Cat go Out Side To You!!! :)  Thank You. Please DO NOT Take The CAT!!! It Belongs To The STORE!!! Thank You & Have A Good Day.

related: Do not kiss on someone else’s kiss

Tags: cats · exclamation-point happy!!!! · irregular capitalization · San Francisco · stealing

A review of last night’s performance

February 17th, 2010 · 194 Comments

Aleister in London found this critique slipped under his door after an impromptu Thursday night sing-along.  “I am a big fan of my neighbours’ critical opinion,” Alastair says. “I won’t offer much defense other than that our music selection was exceptional and I was on my way to work when I found it.”

Well done, Flat 3. Dry wit, a soft touch, and lovely handwriting? This is one note that definitely deserves a place of honor on the fridge.

Dear Flat 1, We are sorry to bother you but we couldn't help hearing what a fantastic time you had last night/this morning.

If you absolutely must write a note, I’d say this is how to do it.

related: It was an ironic dance party, okay?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · London · neighbors · noise

I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

February 16th, 2010 · 106 Comments

“Some serious shit must have gone down with the previous office toaster,” says our anonymous submitter from Canada. (Maybe it was left without wearing any socks or shoes?)

IMPORTANT NOTICE: By popular demand, management has agreed to provide a toaster for your use. Please remember to exercise care in using this toaster. Do not leave the toasted unattended. If the toaster is abused - and it will take only one incidence of negligence*** - this toaster will be taken away for good. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. ***I.E. YOU BURN IT, YOU LOSE IT!

Meanwhile, Marilyn in Pittsburgh says that her office lunchroom has inexplicably gone through nearly half a dozen toasters over the past year. “It’s unclear as to what keeps happening to them, but nonetheless, we keep having to replace them.” Within a few days of the latest model’s appearance, it seems that tensions are already running dangerously hot.

Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative. Already people are using this new appliance and not cleaning up after themselves. You should be ASHAMED! You can't clean up the trays until the toaster cools down. Whoever wrote this note needs a sedative.

Please, won’t somebody think of the toast?!

[365-157] Toast

related: Especially Deborah

extra credit: Sad toast [etsy.com]

Tags: CAPS LOCK · kitchen · office · toaster

Spoken like someone who has never tried to take a one-year-old shopping

February 15th, 2010 · 307 Comments

Alex and his wife, Kathy, have an 18-month-old son who, among other his hobbies, enjoys pulling off his socks and shoes at any opportunity. (Perhaps he’s a future marathon-running superathlete. Or, you know, a normal 18-month-old.)

Recently, Kathy took her son with her on a trip to the store in their hometown of Las Vegas (temperature: a bone-chilling 64 degrees). When she came back to the car, she found this helpful bit of parenting advice waiting on her windshield.

How can you bring your kids out without shoes or socks!! It's not summer!! I see you have on shoes socks + long sleeves! Stop being a lazy ass mom!!

related: Oh, the Rancher and the McMansioner should be friends

Tags: "helpful" advice · exclamation-point happy!!!! · kids · Moms & Dads · shoes · unsolicited feedback

Sonic Boo

February 14th, 2010 · 102 Comments

As a Valentine’s Day gift to you all, I present you with this epic love story (which Teddie in Minneapolis discovered pinned to the bulletin board in his apartment building).

Teddie’s love note to this love note: “I love that this person (he? she?) used commas, ellipses, and possibly a semicolon, but no periods. I also love how the all-caps rant in the middle segues into a plea to be Myspace friends again with an offhand ‘anyway.’ Also, what happened to her dad?”

Dear Deseray [redacted],  I love you, First of all and I pretty much always Loved you really u was tha Best girlFriend I ever had you Know, you meant the world to me even though you was cheating on Her with Me everytime you was angry at Her For dancing with alot of girls at district or when your Love and affection fubbed OFF on Me and you really didn't even care, But anyway's I Miss you and talking to you and PLEASE TELL CORY dat I am sorry I Really AM, I just couldn't Help it I knew her LONGER than you and well after a While She Found Me SUPER ATTRACTIVE, and I did the Same For Her and Pretty Much everyBody kept saying dat we was great couples and SHIT you know YOU was the ONE For ME deseray I SWEAR TA MUdAFUCKING GOD you was My only Love For Me deseray.  I AIN'T Never Felt No Love Like you and us...your my Guardian Angel and I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER MORE, anyway I wish you can UNBLOCK me OFF Myspace so I can Talk to you instead of having to come all the way here on the Bus and write This shit in person you know, Anyway Hit Me up my # is [redacted] OKay and again I Love you and Miss you and will always Love you  Sincerly  [illegible]  [redacted]      A.K.A Sonic ur Boo Forever  P.s; Sorry For what Happen to your DaD Too I had the Same Feeling...Love You xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Oh, Charles. You are so SUPER ATTRACTIVE I can hardly help myself. Deseray doesn’t know what’s she missing!

related: perfect for each other

Tags: ex drama · Minneapolis/St. Paul · p.s. · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · spurned lover · TL;DR · WTF? · xoxo · You call that punctuation?

Subliminal self-esteem killers

February 12th, 2010 · 60 Comments

Not all messages from the beyond come in the form of, say, a Jesus-shaped Cheeto.

“Usually Oprah and her magazine are empowering and inspiring,” says Bek in Cape Coral, Florida — but then she opened her latest issue of O and found this “Live Your Best Life weekend” sweepstakes entry code. “Now I know the truth. They should just mail the magazine in a brown paper bag so I could wear it over my head. *sniff*”

Oprah's secret message

Meanwhile, Matt in Tulsa, Oklahoma was trying to submit a note right here at Passiveaggressivenotes.com. “Then the Captcha widget pulled out its Ouija board and cast its voodoo on my employment situation,” he says. “I almost cried.”

layoff probably

And then, of course, there’s always the bizarrely ominous fortune cookie…

Fortune cookie: "You laugh now, wait till you get home."

Fortune cookie: "It's over your head now. Time to get some professional help."

related: Quoth the Buzzard: WTF?

Tags: WTF?

Snowed in? Come meet your neighbors! (Unless you’re like, old.)

February 11th, 2010 · 84 Comments

Erin in Arlington, Virginia says this sign appeared in every elevator in her building during the D.C. area’s Snowmaggedon of 2010. “Apparently cabin fever requires drinks…and only people in their 20s and early 30s.”

Snowed In? Come Meet Your Neighbors! Let's mingle :) Bring Your Own Drinks. Please be in your 20s or early 30s

related: no girls allowed

Tags: neighbors · Northern Virginia · old folks

Socializing: You’re doing it wrong

February 10th, 2010 · 105 Comments

You know how it’s usually way easier to write off someone off as an annoying asshole than it is to feel sorry for them? But then something happens — like this whiteboard note — and suddenly, you feel like the asshole…but you still resent the person for making you feel that way. And now it’s just awkward all around, because that person doesn’t want pity from an asshole like you, anyway. Sigh.

My parents think I am not being social enough. I have LOTS of chocolate. The ball is in your court now!

This note makes me sad, so I will choose to deal with these uncomfortable feelings by blaming the parents, even though I know that isn’t fair either. Now I feel sorry for the parents, too. Okay, I’m going to look at more pictures from the Puppy Bowl now.

related: Your one and only Wife #1

Tags: bad sales pitch · college life · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · whiteboard

Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

February 9th, 2010 · 131 Comments

“My wife and I have been busy lately,” writes Sean in Vancouver, “and we forgot to get the newly-lost baby tooth from under my daughter’s pillow. We finally remembered a few days later. When my wife went in to slip some money under the pillow, I could hear her trying hard not to crack up.” When she came out (red-faced and laughing), to show me the note, I understood why.”

Dear, Toothfairy  It has been 4 days of putting my tooth under my pillow and on my desk. I am getting sick and tried of it. I would really like it if you just did what you are supposed to do.   P.S. I am not being rude. You could write if you want. Love, Haylee

related: Passive-Aggressive Easter Bunny

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s. · signed with love · Vancouver