Entries from February 2010
At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah.
“For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says.
Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon theology (the the staff signatures include both Captain Moroni and Nephite #2) made me both wince and chuckle.”
related: nosy Provo neighbors
Tags: beverages · Jesus · Provo · restaurant · Utah · you're like so going to hell
It’s almost Valentine’s day, and yet the Christmas guilt trips keep rolling in! Savanna in Texas says her friend received this doozy of a card from her parents (the front of which said, “Joy to the World.”)
related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)
Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · WTF?
Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.”
And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you!
(I’d like to imagine the follow-up note going something like: “Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“)
related: Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”
Tags: art · ellipses-crazed · North Carolina · restaurant · stealing · WTF?
On a lark, Michelle in Florida posted a profile on the online dating site OKCupid after taking one of the site’s quizzes late one night, allowing the site to pull most of her interests and whatnot from Facebook.
“I didn’t think anything more of it,” she says, that is, until she got this “helpful” message — apparently one adjunct university professor’s idea of a charming conversation starter.
Tags: "helpful" advice · online dating · unsolicited feedback
An eagle-eyed substitute teacher spotted the work of this precocious young propagandist-to-be at a Pennsylvania high school. (Psst! Philip Morris? R.J. Reynolds? Are you paying attention?)
related: 2good 2b 4gotten
Tags: excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · schools & teachers