Entries from February 2010

Look, Tooth Fairy, here’s the deal.

February 9th, 2010 · 131 Comments

“My wife and I have been busy lately,” writes Sean in Vancouver, “and we forgot to get the newly-lost baby tooth from under my daughter’s pillow. We finally remembered a few days later. When my wife went in to slip some money under the pillow, I could hear her trying hard not to crack up.” When she came out (red-faced and laughing), to show me the note, I understood why.”

Dear, Toothfairy  It has been 4 days of putting my tooth under my pillow and on my desk. I am getting sick and tried of it. I would really like it if you just did what you are supposed to do.   P.S. I am not being rude. You could write if you want. Love, Haylee

related: Passive-Aggressive Easter Bunny

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2010 · p.s. · signed with love · Vancouver

It’s all about communication. And toilet paper.

February 8th, 2010 · 136 Comments

Writes Brittney in California: “Apparently, my mom’s boyfriend was stuck with an insufficient amount of toilet paper, and being passive aggressive (because he really is) he decides to write a note about it and stick it on the mirror, rather than confront her.”

Who uses all but a couple of squares of TP with no spare? :)

Mom’s response?

Who takes the time to write a note about it but does not take the time to replace it?!?!

And, in the end….everybody loses!

related: I’m not here to wipe your dirty butt

Tags: California · rebuttals · sad face · sig o · smiley · toilet paper

If you could summarize BYU culture in one note…

February 7th, 2010 · 92 Comments

At least a half-dozen submitters (including Spencer, Kelsae, and Mark) would pick this one — from a pizzeria in Provo, Utah.

“For those who don’t know, “lower kingdoms” comes from Mormon theology, where they believe that people are sorted out into three kingdoms instead of the traditional heaven and hell option,” Kelsae says.

Adds Spencer: “There’s a stack of plastic cups in the public’s reach for use either for water or soda, depending on whether you paid or not. The influence this business avers on final judgment, combined with overt Mormon theology  (the the staff signatures include both Captain Moroni and Nephite #2) made me both wince and chuckle.”

PLEASE BE HONEST AND PAY FOR YOUR DRINKS  BESIDES, IS IT REALLY WORTH $1.59 TO SPEND ETERNITY IN ONE OF THE LOWER KINGDOMS?  YOUR INTEGRITY MATTERS MOST WHEN IT COMES TO THE "LITTLE" DISHONESTIES [sic]. SO THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION! P.S. REFILLS ARE FREE! f you could pick one picture to summarize the culture at BYU...

related: nosy Provo neighbors

Tags: beverages · Jesus · Provo · restaurant · Utah · you're like so going to hell

They need time to clean up the meth lab in the garage, after all.

February 4th, 2010 · 59 Comments

It’s almost Valentine’s day, and yet the Christmas guilt trips keep rolling in! Savanna in Texas says her friend received this doozy of a card from her parents (the front of which said, “Joy to the World.”)

Come see us — and don't surprise us — warn us — but come! Soon before we die.

related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · Moms & Dads · WTF?

I think this is the best costume for today.

February 3rd, 2010 · 79 Comments

Noah in Richmond, Virginia spotted this earnest plea in the bathroom of “a funky little coffee shop” on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. “The sign was also on a bulletin board in the middle of the shop as well,” he says — “just in case the thief was avoiding the scene of the crime.”

And if you doubt Edie’s ability to get aggressive on your personal-art-piece-thievin’ ass, just wait ’til she catches you in the act. We’ll see how your bathroom art collection looks when she’s through with you!

To the Person(s) who keeps stealing my own personal art pieces from this bathroom... Someday this will happen to you, and you will then know just how hurtful it is! Please...You snuck them out... please be kind and thoughtful enough to sneak them back in... No questions asked. Thank you, Edie.

(I’d like to imagine the follow-up note going something like: “Damn it, Edie, no one wants to see your ‘personal art pieces.’ For the millionth time…FLUSH!“)

related: Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”

Tags: art · ellipses-crazed · North Carolina · restaurant · stealing · WTF?

You need some help

February 2nd, 2010 · 147 Comments

On a lark, Michelle in Florida posted a profile on the online dating site OKCupid after taking one of the site’s quizzes late one night, allowing the site to pull most of her interests and whatnot from Facebook.

“I didn’t think anything more of it,” she says, that is, until she got this “helpful” message — apparently one adjunct university professor’s idea of a charming conversation starter.

Hi, No no, I'm not writting to insult you. I just mean, your profile is very...well, illogical. The picture is nice, I like the lipstick. But the self-description is completely unclear. Then, in the end, all of a sudden you say something very straight forward and to the point, about wanting to talk to someone serious about a relationship. That conclusion is good, but it contrasts to the rest of your profile.  You sound good when you just say what you want. Why not do that consistently? I think you'll get better results that way.  Anyway, I hope I didn't offend you, I just wanted to be helpful.

related: Not-a-match.com

Tags: "helpful" advice · online dating · unsolicited feedback

Way to use those SAT vocab words!!!

February 1st, 2010 · 105 Comments

An eagle-eyed substitute teacher spotted the work of this precocious young propagandist-to-be at a Pennsylvania high school. (Psst! Philip Morris? R.J. Reynolds? Are you paying attention?)

Yearbook!!!!! Is on sale now!!! (This week!) Yearbooks are $47 and in all color!!! Buy them in lunch or A108!!! Buy one or your high school career will be a maelstrom of unfulfilling normalcy!!!

related: 2good 2b 4gotten

Tags: excessive underlining · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · now that's not true · schools & teachers