The joys of motherhood

March 2nd, 2010 · 141 comments

Writes Sarah: “This note was written to me after I told my seven-year-old daughter to go to her room until she felt like being nice. I’m still trying to figure out what she really feels. Was it love mingled with regret…or slathering me with goodness in hopes of ending the misery in her room? Somehow I still think she meant what she originally said. Motherhood rocks!!!!”

I <3 U Mommy Dear Mom, You are my favorit [sic] mommy ever. I'm sorry for calling you a piece of poo. And I hate you and not going to my room. I love you Mommy  Love, your dauttre [sic] Karah

Meanwhile, Laura in California writes: ”My six-year-old daughter misbehaved at school, so she couldn’t go to the harvest festival. This didn’t go over well, so she wrote me this threatening note. When I laughed, she took it back to add ‘I (am) serious.’”

No luving Maggie in less you let me go I serious am

And it’s not just the girls. Liev in Gainesville, Georgia received this from her six-year-old son when — while trying to get dinner on the table for five kids clamoring for her attention — she had to tell him she did not have time to look at his latest Lego creation right this second. “This is his drawing of me yelling at him. The thing above him is his broken heart.”

The joys of motherhood

related: Mad, but not made enough to forego a French braid

FILED UNDER: art · heart · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · spelling and grammar police


141 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Karol

    oh man – kids are just great, aren’t they?

    Mar 2, 2010 at 8:52 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   matt

      i have a strange urge to book myself in for a vasectomy..

      Mar 2, 2010 at 9:31 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      matt, you’re a real nut job! :-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 2:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   TheOldSchool

      Matt, don’t waste your money having it done by a high-priced doctor.

      All you need is oxycontin and a good solid door.

      My kids call it: “the oxy-slam.”

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:27 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   park rose bang

      What have you done with Folksy, TOS? He wasn’t your guinea pig, was he? Poor Folksy. Guess that’s why they used to call him the ham-star.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   matt

      #1.3 TOS I believe it’s Oxynorm that would be required in this instance. Oxycontin is the slow release drug, oxynorm is quick release.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   TheOldSchool

      Rose, I didn’t even know it changed back. It’s a miracle. Thank fucking god. Folksy McBride was the single greatest mistake of my life, well….maybe it’s tied with that time I was on p.c.p. and went a wee bit apeshit with that machete in that church daycare nursery.

      (Wrong church. Wrong daycare. Whoopsie-Daisies. )

      You’ve got to keep in mind that this was in the days before gps.

      It was an innocent mistake, damn it! Sure, it was slightly embarrassing at the time. Yes, I heard the “what a hack!” jibes from many of my well-meaning chums. We were all a bunch of cut-ups, so jokes like that were to be expected, I suppose.

      We all have our individual quirks, but as long as you can try to see the lighter, funnier side of the little faux pas you make, you’ll be fine.

      Folksy McBride? What was I thinking? Wow. There was some seriously fucked up logic behind that equation. Oh well … the nightmare is finally over. Still, I could kinda kick myself. But it would be the backwards heel to butt kick that wouldn’t hurt, so why bother? Because it might serve as a wake up call, dumbass! Folksy! Idiot!

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      I miss Billy Mays. He knew all about Oxy-shit.

      In fact, I’ll bet he’d be pitching Oxytestes here right now!

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Canthz_B bang

      TOS, happy to know you took those jokes as such and not as swipes at your character.
      Let me take a stab at this in a different way, because I don’t want to joust with a master with a sharp tongue…way to not let them cut you to the quick!!

      Not too much sharp-edged humor, right?
      I’m still trying to hone my craft. :-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   TheOldSchool

      Matt,

      Jesus. Now you tell me. I’ve been taking baby steps all this time when I could have been riding in the big boys’ dream machine?

      I love the name: oxynorm.

      Normality is once again enhanced!

      Why wait for your rush, Rush?
      Hush!

      Oxynorm. The new norm. And don’t forget to stock up on new “Oxynorm Jrs!”

      They’re now available in our kid-friendly
      “X-Treme Post-Snow-Boarding Gummi-Bear Jizzing Narco-Tasty Bursts Of Flavor Into Your Pie Hole” Winter Olympiad Dispensers.

      Yeah … let the games begin….

      Mar 3, 2010 at 5:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   TheOldSchool

      Speaking of Canada: shouldn’t their cops change their name to the mounters?

      Seriously. Mountees seems so passive.
      Cum-bucket-ish.

      Then again, with oxynorm, that’s probably just fine.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 5:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Canthz_B bang

      That would suck, who needs a fast release in that situation?

      Wait…yeah, get it over with!! I can start looking for my manhood that much sooner.
      Bites being a convict.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 5:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   TheOldSchool

      @CB, circa 1.08:

      In 1960, Paul Anka signed with RCA Records, but like most lame, white North American singers/pricks, he saw his career cut short and then stabbed multiple times by the British Incision. Luckily for him, there was a little town known as Las Vegas, where sharp-dressing lounge lizards like him could jab away night after night in the attempt to carve out a half-assed decent living re-cutting standards like “Mack the Knife” and slash away at the radio dominance of the Brits , aided by an abundance of mafia gambling profits in the form of non-payola “promotion” money in an attempt to open up another route to mega-stardom. Anka not only took the plunge, he thrust himself into the scene with a Manson-like abandon. He know the pie was only so big, and he was bloody determined to get his slice.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 6:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   park rose bang

      Don’t be modest now, CB @1.8. We all know that you whittle while you work.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   infant tyrone bang

      Damn my luck, y’all.

      Overtitrating on Norco left me snoozy last night.
      I woke up in my reading recliner about 0430, whence I took directly
      to the horizontal bed without checking in PAN-wise.
      Dope I was indeed !

      Y’all have used up all but one of the oxy’s I’m familiar with.
      (BTW, nice way to “Say Hey !” to Billy/Willy, CB).

      So, for all’a y’all considering home neurosurgery (that reverse version of the home-door tooth extraction where you close the portal on your carotid long enough to drop your IQ by 30-40 points by cutting off the brain’s supply of oxy-gen) in a self-help attempt to reconcile the glaring polarities of modern life, there’s a new pharmaceutical by Merck (R&D underwritten by, uh, Merckans) that replaces that risky process…Oxy-Moron.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Jennifer

    Those little parasites can be so brutal!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 8:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infant tyrone bang

      Damn my luck, y’all.

      Overtitrating on Norco left me snoozy last night.
      I woke up in my reading recliner about 0430, whence I took directly
      to the horizontal bed without checking in PAN-wise.
      Dope I was indeed !

      Y’all have used up all but one of the oxy’s I’m familiar with.
      (BTW, nice way to “Say Hey !” to Billy/Willy, CB).

      So, for all’a y’all considering home neurosurgery (that reverse version of the home-door tooth extraction where you close the portal on your carotid long enough to drop your IQ by 30-40 points by cutting off the brain’s supply of oxy-gen) in a self-help attempt to reconcile the glaring polarities of modern life, there’s a new pharmaceutical by Merck (R&D underwritten by, uh, Merckans) that replaces that risky process…Oxy-Moron.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Hazel Brown

    My dogs have NEVER left me notes like this!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 8:56 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Critical Grass bang

      Really? What’s wrong with your dogs? Mine bitches all the time about this and that…

      Mar 2, 2010 at 9:54 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   AuntyBron

      My fish don’t leave me notes like this either. They just die. Talk about Passive Aggressive.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   TheOldSchool

      My great-grandma fell out of a tree and broke her neck when she was 98 yars old.

      To me, that’s beyond passive aggressive — it’s attention-seeking, too.

      That said, her mother was probably just as neglectful, austere, bitter, and unfeeling towards her as the mothers of these poor kids appear to be.

      Reading these plaintive pleas for any sort of attention whatsoever (let alone an actual brief display of something resembling human warmth) makes me wonder why folks who want kids but can’t have them (thanks, oxy-slam) are forced to go to orphanages to bid on their babies. Shouldn’t these kindly couples be allowed to exercise the American option of extraordinary renditions to any cherubic innocent who is currently suffering under the ice-cold regimen of a bitch-mommy?

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   matt

      a 98yr old who can climb trees?!
      Now i have heard of everything!

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   infant tyrone bang

      Dude…there’s this video of a turtle on Youtube you gotta see…

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Hmm...

      In their case they probably wouldn’t leave a note but they would leave a present . ;-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   NoAdditives

    My 16 month old daughter is already telling me, “I didn’t do it” or is blaming things on the cat. I’m sure I’ll be getting drawings and notes like this much too soon.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 8:57 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   shesajem

    Haha the last one made me LOL. Seriously – that kid needs a hug!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 8:58 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   debkatz

      Dude! Seriously!

      Mar 2, 2010 at 9:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   farcical snow ceremony

      Was anyone else impressed that a 6-yr-old understands and was able to–on the spur of the moment–graphically depict a ‘broken heart’? I predict that I’ll come across this kid’s installation of etch-a-sketch and lights alive! creations in a hip gallery somewhere. His earliest work, “Monster Fanged Mommy Didn’t Care” will be priced @ $15 K.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 7:39 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Bernd das Brot

    You’ve got to love these kids and their civil discourse. My daughter just bites me in the arm when she is mad.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Bunnee

      My 6 year old son just tells me he will never talk to me again. Ever.

      If only I could be so lucky! ;)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   claw71 bang

      Can I have her number?

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   JMonkey78 bang

      If my daughter bit me when she was mad I would be pissed. I can guarantee you that one time would do it though. My son decided to take a swing at Daddy…Once. He now has a mattress on his bedroom floor, clothes, his stuffed animal, and a pack of cards with a happy face on the back.
      I on the other hand have a Wii in my man cave, and a new TV. Incidentally I have some cool GI Joes, and a bunch of legos too. I am never bored, but sometimes I wish I had a pack of cards.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:17 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   jjdonkey

      Last week, my daughter (3), stomped into the living room, flopped onto the couch, crossed her arms, pouted and when I said,

      “what’s wrong,”

      She said, “YOU MAKE ME HORRIBLE”

      Mar 10, 2010 at 10:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Critical Grass bang

    Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give a shout out to the new generation of Passive-Aggressive people!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   JMonkey78 bang

      Welcome to the freak show.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Amanda

    Hahahahahaha, oh man, that’s awesome. Remember how dramatic we were when we were kids? Something like mommy not being able to look at our drawing right that second or not being able to go to your friend’s house was an ENORMOUS TRAGEDY?

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:13 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   debkatz

      Oh, it’s still a tragedy. That’s why they make Xanax, missy!!!

      Mar 2, 2010 at 9:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Amanda

      Which makes it no longer a tragedy :)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 6:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   debkatz

    These were hysterical, and a little frightening. Today, when I called myself “an idiot”, my 2-year-old grandson came to my defense and said, “Her no idiot, her a toy”. I must be doing something right *sigh*.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Christine (:

    Oh yes, I have received many such letters from my son.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   janelle

    considering i’m listening to my almost four year old throwing an epic fit because i’m SO MEAN and won’t let him go to sleep in my room (even though he’ll sneak in in the middle of the night) I’m considering writing one of these notes to him. Kind of like the last, but with an illustration of my brain being pounded with a hammer or my ears bleeding

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:28 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   butterball

    Oh, man, the last one was a punch to the gut.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   matty-wat

    Are we sure Niki didn’t write these?

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Critical Grass bang

      I don’t think so M-W, those are succinct notes. Not Niki’s style.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 9:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   oi bang

    love it!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Critical Grass bang

      Me encanta!

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   oi bang

    oh don’t mind me. I am just waiting in the corner for somebody to turn up and say: either
    1) These notes are bullshit
    or
    2) oh these kids are dumb my 3 years old writes better notes than this.
    or
    3) that’s complete failure on parents part that kids threaten their parents. kids are kids but parents need to do proper parenting.
    bring it on!
    oh and of course my all time favorite.
    this is not passive aggressive at all (i am blind ;) )

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      3.

      Bring me my belt.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      I blame the hard-candy carrying grandparents, oi.
      If they treated their children with children like they treated them when they were children, maybe we’d have some parents with a little backbone.
      But no, they have to leave to get to their Seniors Bowling League, so they can be done in time to get to the Early Bird Special at the diner!

      I can’t wait to get my AARP card. I’m going to flash it so much everyone had better wear sunglasses when near me! ;-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   JMonkey78 bang

      I was scared shitless to pull some of the shit kids do today. My dad would have beet my ass until I wouldn’t have been able to sit down for a week. Guess what, I have never committed a murder, I don’t steal, and I pay my bills. You want to know why? I was, and still am, afraid my dad would tear me a new one.

      More parents today should be like my dad.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Mark bang

      I would venture to say that most kids today, whether their dads “beet” their ass or not, will never commit a murder, won’t steal, and will pay their bills.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 1:52 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   Andi

      No kidding…I remember when I was 7 they were teaching us cursive. These kids can barely write or even spell because they have spell check for all their homework now.
      And jeez, if I were the first one’s parent I wouldn’t be wondering how they really feel but instead I’d be thinking long and hard about how to change the little brats attitude.

      Mar 6, 2010 at 12:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Critical Grass bang

    Those are the best students in Hate Mail 101. Parents, be proud!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Drew

    I don’t think the first one is a passive-aggresive note. I’ve marked it up:

    Dear Mom, You are my favorit [sic] mommy ever. I’m sorry for calling you a “piece of poo”. And [saying] “I hate you” and [for] not going to my room. I love you Mommy

    Mar 2, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Critical Grass bang

      Why are you taking this away from us?! :|

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Nox

      Theres also blue markings at the top that say “look on the back” and you can see the blue showing through on the backside reading ” I love you”.
      Dosn’t seem so angry or agressive.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   TippingCows

      That’s how I interpreted it. Maybe we can just laugh at her spelling or something?

      Mar 3, 2010 at 2:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   at2002

      On the contrary, this child has a great future ahead of her in the field of p-a note writing. Someday she’ll move away from the markers and stickers and on to clip art.

      One could read the note as Drew indicates with his markup ‘…I’m sorry for calling you a piece of poo. And [saying] I hate you…’ Me, I see that as someone who can get away with poor grammar, but managed to sneak in her actual thoughts-either ‘I hate you’ or ‘I’m sorry I hate you’. Maybe it was her subconscious exerting itself through a 6 yr old’s grammar.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 6:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   farcical snow ceremony

      @CG Don’t be sad: it’s quite possible that the daughter deliberately handed the note to mom at such an angle as to inflict a papercut, but dense old mom didn’t pick up on it. Also, I hereby identify that thing beneath the heart stuck under the “I” a booger~see, CG??? germ warfare!!

      Mar 3, 2010 at 7:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.6   claw71 bang

      I beg to differ. This kid is laying on the guilt trip by apologizing and saying she loves mommy while carefully revisiting all the hurtful things she said. She’s pulling the dagger out, but only after she twists it around to make sure the damage is permanent.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Bernd das Brot

    It looks like oi had to wait for only 12 minutes in that corner.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   park rose bang

    What took them so long? I bet they were bottle-fed as babies.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Girl Friday

    I’ve learned from experience – cut the crusts off the next sandwich you make for them.

    All is forgiven.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    I called my mom names, refused do do ( to do) as I was told and issued an ultimatum once. She gave me a time-out.
    About three hours…that’s how long it was before I could sit down again.

    Guess she didn’t think being a disrespectful child was very cute.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   sleeps

      It’s my policy to refuse do do whenever offered.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      HaHa, I’ve read that about three times and never noticed it!

      Thanks! :-D

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   sleeps

      Heheheh, I’m just pleased you decided to leave it in there when you edited so that my comment still made sense. :)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 1:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Canthz_B bang

      No problem, sleeps. It was a good catch, no need to make you throw it back. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Piece of Poo

    I am the mother of the 1st note writer. Could I please clarify – that she was not put in timeout for an hour. I sent her to her room and told her to come out when she wanted to be nice again. She stayed in her room for an hour…(obviously writing letters and poetry). Just wanted to make sure the general population doesn’t take me out to be an evil monger. In our house- official time outs are always 1 minute/age of kiddo. If it’s a bad attitude problem – they stay however long it takes for them to chill and come out on their own.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Canthz_B bang

      Cruel and unusual punishment indeed.

      You’re way too strict.

      Mar 2, 2010 at 10:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Jonathan

      Where’s your belt now, then?

      Mar 2, 2010 at 11:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   Canthz_B bang

      It’s holding up my sarcasm pants.

      Where’s your sense of humor now, then? ;-)

      Mar 2, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   TippingCows

      No need to be defensive. You don’t owe anyone here explanations! Keep teaching your kids values and proper behavior and never apologize for it (unless you do it by means of piano falling on child).

      Mar 3, 2010 at 2:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Canthz_B bang

      I had a $1000.00 life insurance policy on one of my kids (may he rest in peace), I dropped a baby grand on him! :-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:20 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   TheOldSchool

      Yeah, CB, but my friend wants to know how much it cost you to get the piano re-tuned after the accident.

      I told him to forget about the stupid, freakin’ piano, but he says he’s has dreams of one day learning to play Paul Anka’s 1974 hit song, “(You’re) Having My Baby.”

      I’ve got to admit that it would be kinda special and sentimental to see him do it. I’ll bet with the right promo behind him, he could make it a number one hit all over again.

      In fact, I see no reason why it couldn’t be the number one song again for the rest of our lives.

      Mac Davis can eat his heart out! Idiot!!

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Canthz_B bang

      TOS, it’d have a run for its money with a re-make of Stevie’s “Isn’t She Lovely”, but at least the airwaves would benefit.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   TheOldSchool

      We should throw a big charity ball for the airwaves. They deserve our recognition, too.

      They’re our little invisible workhorses in the sky.

      (Probably more like mules, actually, but why quibble?)

      The day that I first learned that mules were hybrids of donkeys and horses, was the day the world first started making sense to me. Then it faded away again shortly thereafter.

      O. X. Y.

      N. O. R.

      Ehhhhhhh Ehhh Ehhhhh Ehhhhh Ehhhhhhhm.

      OXYNORM…..

      Oxynorm……

      Forever we will love you, honor you, and never write nasty notes or draw lewd pictures of you, provided you agree to always float around on your magic sleigh in the sky being gently pulled 20 miniature AC/DC-loving invisible mules until death do us part.

      “Do you, TOS take oxynorm to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

      “I do … at least while this version provides the most “relief” via the most rapid and efficient delivery method to my system (excluding hypodermic needles, because I don’t want to put tiny holes into my person, it just seems a tad lowbrow).”

      “I now pronounce you man and drug. You may kiss the sky.”

      Mar 3, 2010 at 5:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   anglophile bang

      Nice user name, Piece of Poo!

      You misspelled it, though. ;)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.10   JMonkey78 bang

      Dear Pice of Poo,

      Your child is very talented and I understand your frustration. Actually I tell my kids to come out of their room when I am ready to be nice, sometimes this takes a while. I can actually see it taking longer if my children were the creators of such charming notes as yours. My hat goes off to you, and my belt as well should you deem its use necessary. LOL.

      (Notice: by writing this entertaining passive aggressive response, I JMonkey78 in no way condone the use of violence, or brutal beatings of children in any way. This message is to be used as passive aggressive humor only.)

      That should cover it. You know how the world is these days. He hehehehehehehehe.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 1:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.11   infant tyrone bang

      Well, OK…
      as long as it’s just abstract PA humor about not using a belt on kids.

      If you were offering to discipline Ms. Princess of Poo,
      you’d need to switch over to a more corporal/corporeal website,
      much less passively oriented…maybe one with a “beet red” color motif.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 2:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    I hope the mom in the last one wasn’t cooking dinner.

    Snowmoms shouldn’t be near much heat.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   matt

      unless the mom is heating up the “snow” in order to make it injectable – the perfect after-dinner ‘mint’.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 6:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   dee

    when i was a kid, i didn’t write notes about my parents, but did write in my diary about my sister and drew a picture of her arm w/ worms crawling all over them because she didn’t like to take baths.. haha..

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   TheOldSchool

      dee,

      These worms….

      When you drew them, you’re certain that they were just coming out of sister’s arms?

      I’d like to introduce you to Dr. Hanes and Detective Svu. They’re going to give you a ride downtown and ask you some questions.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    Okay, I’m not gonna say much more on parenting because I know you guys hate it when I do that (we hate success stories these days. “Columbine! Give me Columbine!”), but I must say:

    “Time-out” (if you choose to use it) should be kiddie prison. They get out after they do the time that you the parent sentences them to, and not before.
    Certainly not when they tell the warden they are ready to be good.

    I’m going to back slowly away from this subject now, so raise your kids however you want to.
    If you’re happy and your kids are happy, then I’m happy for you.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      “…I’m not gonna say much more on parenting…”

      “…so raise your kids however you want to. If you’re happy and your kids are happy, then I’m happy for you.”

      You know you’re lying, we know you’re lying…do you know we know you’re lying?

      Mar 3, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   oi bang

      :lol:

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Q

      CB, get over yourself. People don’t hate success stories, they hate people who act like your way of parenting is THE ONLY RIGHT AND CORRECT WAY, AS I DECREE IT!

      Take the nails out of your hands, because you suck at being a martyr.

      Mar 4, 2010 at 10:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   Canthz_B bang

      Q, some people hate people who can’t read well enough to see how many times other people say “This is what worked for us, but it is certainly not the only way to raise children.”
      They really worry that people with such limited reasoning abilities are allowed to have children.

      Yup, they just can’t stand those defensive types of people…but they know why they get so defensive.

      You have every right to raise your children by teaching them that you respect their opinions (and will set policy accordingly within your home) without considering that their opinions are based on six whole years of life.

      Personally, I don’t give two shits how you raise your spawn.
      But, since I know what you think of my opinions and that you’ll probably do just the opposite of anything I may happen to espouse, I think that drinking poison is really bad for you and could cause grievous bodily harm.

      Bottoms up! :lol:

      Mar 5, 2010 at 7:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   Q

      Actually, I don’t really care about your opinions until they become repetitive enough to be noticed.

      We get that you got rightfully shat on for your superiority parenting complex and now you’ve been trying to backtrack. Damage won’t be fixed for a while, move along.

      Mar 5, 2010 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   Andi

      Sweet…the trolls have started to surface.

      Mar 6, 2010 at 12:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   Canthz_B bang

      Interesting.

      So saying that you have every right to raise you children as you like hasn’t yet been repeated enough for you to notice it?

      Or just enough for you to call it back-tracking, even though that sentiment was expressed from the very beginning?

      Did you not happen to notice that I’ve said several times that those who feel someone else sounds like they are being superior, means they have to some degree been made to feel inferior?
      Not repeated often enough for you to notice, I guess.

      Superiority/inferiority. Two sides, same coin.
      You can’t have one without the other. ;-)

      Mar 6, 2010 at 12:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Canthz_B bang

    I hope Maury Povich still has a show in seven or eight years.
    I love watching the “Uncontrollable Teens Sent To Boot Camp” episodes! :lol:

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   hskrfan31 bang

    Recently, my 3 yr old son was upset with me because he wasn’t allowed to watch anymore TV for the night…walking away, he stopped, turned and yelled “we are NOT friends or family ANYMORE.” after about 5 more steps he again turned and said “and you are the MEANEST MOM IN CANADA!” (We live in Nebraska.) Needless to say, there is never a boring day at our house!

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   The Great Joe Bivins

    I’m going to kill myself laughing. I serious am.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   No one

    Fake. A 7 year old kid doesn’t use apostrophes and commas.

    Mar 2, 2010 at 11:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Critical Grass bang

      Hey oi, here’s the number 2 on your list… Kinda…

      Mar 3, 2010 at 12:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   xyzzy

      Depends on the kid, era, and school involved… My old schoolwork from that age in the early ’80s includes basic comma/apostrophe usage, while my brother’s class five years later was seemingly practicing their letters.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 1:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Canthz_B bang

      God bless the Reagan years. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 1:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Stacey

      My 2nd grade 7 yr. old uses commas and apostrophes. She started learning about/using them in last year in 1st grade. And this is in public school, in case you’re wondering. :)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 5:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   claw71 bang

      xyzzy, I think you’re saying more about the quality of your brother than you are the quality of his education.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   molly ringwald

      If I have anything to say about it, my children will have mastered commas and apostrophes by that age. There are many things I will tolerate in my household… poor grammar is not one of them.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Joe

    LMAO… That’s my girl FTW!

    Mar 3, 2010 at 12:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   xyzzy

    There might well be reasons that the guideline doesn’t work for them, though. My mother relied on really long time-outs with me to avoid lashing out in frustration and to give me a chance to calm down. She also knew that I had plenty of things to do in there.

    I’m the first to speak out about ‘bad’ parenting, but I’ve learned that kids have a way of pushing all but the most patient caregivers over the edge. That’s why I’m not having any and refuse to ever baby-sit, I know how fast those guidelines can be tossed aside.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 12:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Jessica

    I don’t blame Laura’s daughter…If it’s anything like the harvest festival that was at my elementary school (Palo Alto, California) then I can totally understand why she’s pissed. Harvest festivals rock!!

    Mar 3, 2010 at 2:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    Maggie’s folks should go ahead and invest in that liquor cabinet lock.
    She’s having way too many twelve o’clocktails if she’s already telling dad he ain’t gettin’ no luvin’ if she doesn’t get her way!

    Mar 3, 2010 at 2:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   ashmeadow

      Huh. At first I thought it said no living. Which still invites a liquor cabinet lock. And maybe a kiddie leash.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   iwantsugarinmytea

    Maggie’s folks should go ahead and get her tested for dyslexia.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 3:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Mark bang

      And chlamydia too. Gotta be sure.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Canthz_B bang

    Maggie is just showing that she will be good at learning other languages than English.

    “I serious am”, is her way of showing that she understands that “Rio Grande” is the same as “Big River”…or something like that.

    *wishes he’d paid more attention in Spanish class* :-|

    Go for it if you just must, but be aware that I’m reading this and texting back while I drive my insanely large SUV with blacked out windows that ensure no one can see the road ahead of me, blissfully unaware that my child is in the back seat disrobing.
    After all, I put on a Disney DVD for him to watch instead of having him look out of the car windows and see the real world he lives in.
    That’s entertainment enough for a kid, fuck reality :lol:

    Mar 3, 2010 at 3:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Technically, these are not really passive-aggressive notes. They are just kid behavior in an emotionally charged situation.

    When adults write the same kind of notes – that’s passive-aggressive.

    Oh, and here’s my contribution. My daughter came home from school in a bad mood at about age 10, and sat down in the yard after she got off the bus. After a few minutes I went to the door and called out, “Why don’t you come in the house?” Daughter yelled “FUCK YOU, Mom!” loud enough to wake the neighbors, if not the dead. I wasn’t supposed to know she knew such language, and was supposed to be shocked and indignant. Instead, I bit my tongue until I could go back in the house, then doubled over laughing.

    She’s 21 now. And now, she is passive-aggressive. Hmm. I wonder what I was trying to say here.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Pterosaur

      Yelling “Fuck you!” isn’t passive-aggressive. It’s clear, honest, and direct. You should be proud of her succinct communication skills.

      I’d much rather have that than pissy little manipulative notes saying “I love you but I hate you but here’s an adorable heart-melting drawing so you’ll forgive me when I’m done sulking. Hmph.”

      Mar 3, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   Kelli

    Been coming here for a couple years now. This is by far, the one that has made me lol the most. I love you P.A. :)

    Mar 3, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Bunnee

    My 6 year old writes lots of notes, but he hasn’t figured out yet that he can write angry notes to his Mom and Dad. I can hardly wait for that day. I’ll finally get to submit a note to PAN!!!

    Mar 3, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   claw71 bang

    I’m rather appalled at all of this. Not just the notes, but the fact that the parents submitted them and, more importantly, I am disturbed that everybody is laughing this off.

    THESE KIDS ARE 6 AND 7 YEARS OLD!!!! Yes they are supposed to be prone to self pity. You expect them to pout and throw tantrums as they learn how to express their emotions. The problem is that most of us don’t learn the art of the Passive Aggressive note until we’re much older. I’d sooner see these kids smoking cigarettes, drinking Natural Light and smuggling cocaine over the border in their rectums.

    What I’m saying is that these kids are heading down a dangerous path. Look at these notes? We can laugh at the spelling and penmanship but, in all honesty, is it really deviating from samples we’ve seen from grad students at expensive private schools?

    DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM COLUMBINE?

    I blame the parents. Clearly these kids are following the examples set by the adults around them. The most disturbing of the lot is the first one. Has anybody stopped to consider the pathology? My god! As horrible a harpy as her mother must be, this girl is primed to take P-A behavior to new levels. She’s the fricking LeBron James of PAN!

    To think I might be dating this girl in 10 years.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 9:45 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Liev

    I too would like to defend my child’s drawing. I did take time to sit down with J and compliment his creativity with the legos. However, our children don’t run the house or the schedule and I don’t feel that it was unreasonable of me to ask him to wait until dinner was served. Kids that dictate everything in the house end up being the spoiled brats that you would complain about screaming in walmart until they get their way. His was an emotional 6 year old reaction to not getting his way. I am a stay at home parent, not on any public assistance, raising our children to be good citizens, the fifth child in the mix was the daughter of my sister and her husband, who were both deployed at the same time. Each of our children get special time with each parent because we make a special effort to put that in our days. I thought it was a funny note, and had no idea I would be so vilified as a parent for the contents or for submitting it.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 10:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   claw71 bang

      I haven’t seen anything that qualifies as vilification just yet, but I have a feeling people are going to tear into you for not having a sense of humor.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   anglophile bang

      I think I missed something, but I’m too lazy to go back and read everything again. Can someone point me to where Liev was vilified? I hate missing a good vilification.

      ETA: so happy I could oblige claw so quickly! ;)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Your submission was hilarious, and it was totally clear to me that your request that your son wait a little while before Lego appreciation time was a reasonable one. As is usually the case on PAN, some of the comments made on the day’s submissions were out of line/over the top and mean. But please rest assured that (a.) a lot of the nuttiest & most vitriolic comments were made by folks who have shown themselves to be CONSISTENTLY nuts and full of vitriol, and (b.)many of us enjoyed your submission in the spirit in which you sent it in, and thank you for sharing it :)

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   Liev

      I would also like to add that my kid thinks its great that his drawing is on the computer and told me that he wasn’t frustrated at me any more since I gave him salad (go figure!). Sorry for appearing to have no sense of humor, however, you might be surprised how many people judge how many kids we have…to each his own! Right now we are trying to convince the older 2 that 4 is a good number.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 11:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   anglophile bang

      What’s there to convince about?

      Surely the older kids don’t take part in the baby-making decision or process?

      8O

      Mar 3, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.6   TheOldSchool

      Liev, in one of your comments, you said: “Each of our children get special time with each parent because we make a special effort to put that in our days.”

      I would caution you about two things here.

      1. It isn’t a good idea to have to much regimentation in your children’s lives.

      2. By giving each of the kids equal attention, you’re going to force them to assume that your love is unconditional. BIG mistake. Freeze one or two of them out randomly at various times. Let them know that life isn’t fair, that you are capricious, and that they’ve got to bust their butts to even get a chance at earning your love.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.7   anglophile bang

      I would also suggest instituting one day a week where everyone in the family picks on one kid. Be merciless. Point and laugh. Gotta toughen ‘em up.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 3:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.8   claw71 bang

      I also recommend growing distant with them when they’re in their pre-teen years so that they’ll be more inclided to seek emotional validation through sex with older partners in their college years.

      Or high school depending on the age of consent in your state.

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.9   Mark bang

      I get older, they stay the same age…

      Mar 3, 2010 at 4:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.10   snatchbeast

      so YOU’RE the snowmom?

      Mar 3, 2010 at 6:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.11   Canthz_B bang

      Actually, I thought Liev was the only one handling her business properly. That’s why I only joked about the picture.

      Of course, if she has sticks for arms, I stand corrected! :-P

      Mar 3, 2010 at 10:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Liev

    NO, not at all! But they do ask, so it can’t be so bad to be one of four :)

    Mar 3, 2010 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Sho

    I love how this was written by a 6 year old but still has better spelling and grammar than the Niki letter from the other day.

    Mar 3, 2010 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Escape Goat

    Lovin’ the MC Hammer pants on the stick figure in the second photo: “Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em!”

    Mar 3, 2010 at 5:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Madelynn

      Ha, I just laughed out loud at your comment. Then I went back up to look at the picture and laughed some more. My boyfriend is looking at me like I’m crazy…

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   snatchbeast

    What awful spelling!

    cats > kids (and my cat has superior spelling and grammar, none of this lolcats bullshit)

    Mar 3, 2010 at 6:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   Mr. B bang

    I’m glad my daughters don’t write me notes like this; only this morning my daughter (5) shook her head and said that she was “so disappointed in me that she didn’t know what to say…” I was making her wear her school hat as it was rather cold outside. It’s hard enough to shake it off as a verbal onslaught let alone have it in writing as a courteous reminder to re-live and suffer at your leisure…! I need to develop a thicker skin when it comes to them… or invest in some ear plugs.

    Mar 5, 2010 at 9:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   CJ

    The last note breaks MY HEART. Maybe the time she spent sending the picture of his etch-a-sketch in, she could have been giving him a little time from the OTHER 4 kids. Stop having them if you can’t give them the love they need idiot.

    Mar 5, 2010 at 3:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   anglophile bang

      Oh for god’s sake, CJ, get a grip. I am sure little Picasso is just fine. Kids usually are, if not actually abused.

      Mar 5, 2010 at 4:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   IgnorantAndBlissful

      Idiot? Who are you to judge how many kids anyone should have? If you read her comment above, you would see that one of the kids was a niece she was keeping for deployed family and how do you know the rest of the kids aren’t adopted? Maybe we should be like China and only allow one child per person and force abortions for the rest. That seems to be an acceptable solution to you. Just because a kid gets mad at his mother, it doesn’t mean he is abused/neglected/whatever. Haven’t you ever seen a kid exaggerate get what he wants? I’m sure you think kids should make all the decisions and be the boss all the time and tell the parents what to do so their precious little feelings are never hurt and their self esteem is never damaged. Your comment just shows that YOU are the idiot. Back under the rock…

      Mar 9, 2010 at 7:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   differences

    right, so i’m on board with the last note being truly sad, rather than passive-aggressive. the first two have threats and mixed messages, thus qualifying them, if not as passive-aggressive notes, then at least as amusing ones. the last one, however, sends a straightforward message, “when you yell at me, it hurts my feelings and makes me sad.” that’s not passive-aggressive, that’s an attempt at self-expression. while i don’t think that this child is being abused, per say, i hope that his parents had the good sense to comfort him rather than just make fun of his feelings all over the internet.

    Mar 8, 2010 at 2:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Max Time bang

    yes that’s right!!! Let Maggie go her own way. She knows those kids in the big wheelie gang very well she’ll be just fine :)

    Mar 9, 2010 at 8:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Amy G.

    Oh my God, those are PRICELESS!! As the mother of a 6-year-old boy who is SUPER dramatic, I know exactly how these moms feel. I love the way they struggle between their love and frustration. So cute. :)

    Mar 18, 2010 at 1:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Parents | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] The joys of motherhood [...]

    Apr 14, 2010 at 3:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   27 hilariously ingenuous notes from kids | Just something (creative)

    [...] 7. via passiveaggressivenotes.com [...]

    Dec 13, 2013 at 3:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed