Save the earth…kill the kids?

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March 3rd, 2010 · 163 comments

“I have no traces of child paraphernalia in my Mini Cooper,” says our submitter from Alexandria, Virginia — and she didn’t buy her car for environmental reasons. (“I bought it because I’m a Mini fan,” she says, “regardless of the global impact.”) So, as you might imagine, she was more than a bit puzzled to find this note under her wiper blade.

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

FILED UNDER: car · Northern Virginia · pure poetry · The Earth · unsolicited feedback · WTF?

163 responses so far ↓

#1 Elle

Probably written by someone who sees nothing wrong with texting as they drive their gas-guzzling Hummer around..

Mar 3, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 124

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#2 dmf

omg. *I* also have a mini cooper! i was so unaware of my mass murdering up until just now.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:00 pm rating: 62

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- #2.1 Wordtinker doesnt smith
  
  I’m so glad that Notwriter pointed this out. I’ll have to rush out and buy a mini cooper so I can save the earth whilst on my next killing spree.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm rating: 26
- #2.2 Grant
  
  It’s well known that the Mini has many safety features including a crumple zone conveniently located between the front and rear bumpers.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 4:25 am rating: 51
- #2.3 HH
  
  Well it is made by Germans!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:11 am rating: 3
- #2.4 Mike
  
  Wow, I usually pick the Mini Cooper from Zipcar. Who knew the sins I was committing?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:12 am rating: 4
- #2.5 park rose
  
  Plenty of corn on PAN and plenty of flakes posting here. The mini cooper is obviously the car of choice for serial killers.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:11 am rating: 11
- #2.6 infant tyrone
  
  There’s much more than a grain of truth in that, rose.
  In fact, there’s polenta of evidence to back you up.
  However, if someone evil is on a spree de corpse,
  I’m not sure the justice system won’t be bowled over
  trying to handle such a big job.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:59 am rating: 7
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#3 Kat

That child was delicious.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 54

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- #3.1 Fridge Pirate
  
  Brilliant!
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm rating: 4
- #3.2 Mo®
  
  Guiness!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 3:44 pm rating: 4
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#4 AMoparGirl

Another person dumber than a rock.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:04 pm rating: 19

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#5 Resident Grammarian esq

Team notewriter! I’m going to burn a tyre in her honour.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:06 pm rating: 11

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- #5.1 infant tyrone
  
  Please deploy the tyre around the neck of a captured PR hack or otherwise witting enabler of a mega-polluting enterprise.
  
  This will work to offset the negative environmental effects of the tyre.
  
  I have seen the future and it is De-cap and Trade.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:13 am rating: 5
- #5.2 hi
  
  hey there ty. Looking for a friend?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:59 am rating: 2
- #5.3 infant tyrone
  
  I have an adequate supply of geographically long-range and close-by friends, but, unlike Sid Vicious, I’m not in any danger of overdosing,
  
  Whadja have in mind ?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:29 pm rating: 2
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#6 April

Minis are one of the safest compact cars and do VERY well in crash tests. Whoever wrote that note is a moron.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:07 pm rating: 49

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- #6.1 park rose
  
  Maybe they have an innate fear of elephants, or clowns, or both.
  
  PS: I agree with you, though, and I think the crash test dummy might have written the note as a form of preventative medicine. No-one ever stops to think about the dummies. Oh, and the most famous elephant of all is Dumbo.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:05 pm rating: 10
- #6.2 Mo®
  
  Why do they hate the Shriners so???
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:12 am rating: 11
- #6.3 claw71
  
  Have you seen “The Italian Job”? If not, rent it from Netflicks and then tell me how safe those things are.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:04 am rating: 1
- #6.4 park rose
  
  Have you seen “The Shrining?”, Timo? No wonder they’re shit-scared of minis.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:17 am rating: 7
- #6.5 Gavin
  
  Points are now being awarded for being scratch-free after child-mini collission?
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 7:47 am rating: 1
- #6.6 Amanda
  
  Yes, this is true. The note-writer is one of these nitwit soccer-mom bitches who thinks that they have to have a giant SUV for their one child.
  One safe, attentive driver in a car like my new Ford Focus, with front and side airbags, crumple zones, and 4-5 star crash ratings in all areas is far better than one of these twits texting or yapping on their phone while weaving in and out of lanes in their SUV.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 2:50 pm rating: 24
- #6.7 Maas
  
  Maybe the note was referring to the Child Mulcher 2,000® in her trunk. Starting a garden is a great alternative to supporting an agribusiness which ships food across the county producing untold levels of pollution. Furthermore, children exude a chemical which the EPA have declared a dangerous pollutant, so every child mulched is a step towards a better tomorrow.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 3:19 pm rating: 9
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#7 KG

Because any child that sits in a mini cooper is definitely going to die..

Ignorance.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:08 pm rating: 8

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- #7.1 Kat
  
  Maybe the notewriter drives around in her SUV smashing mini coopers because she hates them so much? So she’s trying to make sure there are no children in them.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:10 pm rating: 61
- #7.2 park rose
  
  KG, If there’s an elephant* nearby, sure. Or Mr. Bean.
  
  *Elephants are my meme this thread. Not sure if I even know what that word (meme) means, but I’m sticking with it.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:06 pm rating: 7
- #7.3 oi
  
  Elephants are *ugly!
  Nah! not really. ugly is my meme today.
  what?!
  rose is doing it.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 3
- #7.4 Mo®
  
  Pairs of male elephants to be released into the forests of America. There it is hoped that they will grow in number and the people can tame them and use them as beasts of burden.
  Anna: But your majesty, I don’t think you mean pairs of MALE elephants.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:39 pm rating: 7
- #7.5 sleeps
  
  No elephants? No wonder Obama is not winning war! Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:12 pm rating: 6
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#8 Max

Hey, wait a cotton-picking minute here!
I was the one that put that note in your wipers!
I pulled in behind you in my 1972 Ford Pinto, took my two kids out of the back seat and noticed your dangerous Cooper in front of me. How dare you put your kids in that thing.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:08 pm rating: 32

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#9 EM

Im a firefighter, and have had to cut people out of Mini’s. Toughest extrication Ive ever had, those cars are SOLID. What a moron…

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:11 pm rating: 77

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- #9.1 Olivia
  
  I like firemen and mini coopers
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 42
- #9.2 :D
  
  Thank you for being a firefighter and extricating unfortunate people from cars.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:27 pm rating: 59
- #9.3 Canthz_B
  
  Olivia, I’m sure EM is a fine firefighter, but doubt he’d admit it if his ” Cooper” is mini. LOL
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:15 pm rating: 16
- #9.4 molly ringwald
  
  His Cooper may be small, but I bet his hose is pretty big.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 30
- #9.5 hi
  
  Zing!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:02 pm rating: 3
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#10 misha

I think the notewriter meant that cars kill more children and teenagers in the US than ALL other causes combined (homicide, suicide, disease, other accidents, natural disasters, etc). Driving a car is a jerk thing to do.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:22 pm rating: 25

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- #10.1 Kat
  
  That would make sense if not for the fact the notewriter implied the woman’s mini was somehow” saving the earth”. Unless the car is some sort of superhero.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:25 pm rating: 13
- #10.2 Jonathan
  
  Well, shucks. I guess bicycles really don’t kill very many people besides their riders. I’m going to have to think again about whether bikes or Coopers are the more environmentally sound choice.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm rating: 5
- #10.3 KG
  
  You are correct, Misha. Which is why we should no longer allow our preschoolers to drive under the influence.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:29 pm rating: 15
- #10.4 Your face
  
  I think you’re a jerk for posting that.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 9:36 pm rating: 5
- #10.5 bug
  
  curiosity is killing me…who’s face is that aimed at?
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:21 pm rating: 2
- #10.6 park rose
  
  The grey one?
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:26 pm rating: 1
- #10.7 Canthz_B
  
  YEAH!! Driving is nuts. We should live like our forefathers and never venture more than a couple of days buggy-ride from home.
  Besides, you can fit a real shit-load of groceries in a buck-board, so you won’t have to shop very often. That is unless you go whole hog and go without electricity. Refrigeration is killing the Earth.
  I hate the jerks and their damned refrigerators as much as I hate the jerks who drive ambulances with those noisy sirens and tractor trailers that deliver so many goods to cities and malls that cities and malls couldn’t exist without them.
  Jefferson was right. We need to be an agrarian society.
  We didn’t have air pollution when we had slavery, so let’s go back to the good old days!
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:30 pm rating: 25
- #10.8 Keith
  
  but nostalgia just ain’t what it used to be
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:11 am rating: 8
- #10.9 Pishposh
  
  @10.7
  I think it’s funny that people plant their butts in the drivers seat and sit there for hours on end, then pay to be granted entrance to a building packed with sweaty people and sticky machines so they can move their bodies once a day.
  
  Maybe you should ditch the car and use your body for what it was intended: locomotion. I save thousands of dollars without gas, car insurance, and registration (and gym fees). Bicycle trailers hold just as much as a car trunk. And if there’s anywhere you need to go outside of a twenty five mile radius (about the limit I’ll go solely by bike), I guarantee there’s public transportation there (bus, train, plane).
  
  I can excuse motor vehicles for law enforcement, emergency medical services, and firefighters, because time is of the essence then. But the average person does not need a private motor vehicle. For thousands of years, humans lived, explored, and conquered the world without motor vehicles. Now that two-ton machines capable of reaching 120 mph are placed in the hands of the Average Joe/Joette when they’re barely out of their teenage angst phase (brilliant idea there), the world faces an obesity epidemic and the environment is being clogged with pollutants (cars emit much more junk than just carbon dioxide, including NOx, SOx, CO (monoxide), and VOCs).
  
  But you’re free to keep hurting both yourself and the environment for the sake of laziness and using fallacious arguments to justify your actions (If “Slavery America was unpolluted! Therefore, reducing pollution means going back to Slavery America!” then “Nazi Germany was polluted! Therefore, we are currently Nazi Germany!”). Either, or.
  
  (What’s PA N without a little PA in the comments?)
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 6:07 pm rating: 5
- #10.10 Kat
  
  @PishPosh perhaps you’re confused. This site isn’t for leaving smug passive-aggressive notes in the comments.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm rating: 22
- #10.11 park rose
  
  It’s not? Drat, foiled again.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 6:41 pm rating: 5
- #10.12 anglophile
  
  Oh, if only I could live like pishposh, completely secure in the knowledge that everyone’s life is exactly like mine!
  
  I bet you’ve never even been to a fly-over state, have you, pishposh?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 6:48 pm rating: 14
- #10.13 Kat
  
  I also can’t imagine doing this in my constantly rainy city. Considering me and my hubby regularly drive 40 minutes all the way out to the suburbs to visit his parents who then give us surprise gifts of massive amounts of groceries and leftovers. Not to mention bringing our three cats to the vet. Sorry, asthmatic me with my 50lbs of groceries will be going in the car, thanks. Not fighting my way on to the shitty public transport where people will rage at the fact I have said bags/cats/etc.
  
  I’ll pass.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:00 pm rating: 10
- #10.14 H for Toy
  
  Do bicycle trailers hold dead bodies as well as car trunks? Just askin’.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:28 pm rating: 11
- #10.15 Canthz_B
  
  Can my 76 year-old mother have an exception too?
  She never learned to ride a bike, and she’s too proud to ride one of those giant tricycles all the way to her doctor appointments.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:48 pm rating: 13
- #10.16 Canthz_B
  
  Can’t help it:
  
  Pishposh, “For thousands of years, humans lived, explored, and conquered the world without motor vehicles.”?
  
  True, but humans lived without the wheel for far longer.
  
  Get off your high bike. You don’t need to go any further than you can walk. You don’t NEED to go outside a 25 mile radius. You should be able to find adequate food, water and shelter within that zone. That’s all humans needed for thousands of years.
  You actually think that there is public transportation available to everywhere greater than 25 miles from your home? Using energy is OK, but only if you go a certain distance and use public transportation? Public transports run on Fairy Dust?
  
  Don’t drive because the human body is designed to walk? Can we still use boats and airplanes? Because I was thinking of going to Hawaii…Oh! Wait! thousands of years ago, Polynesians walked across the oceans to populate islands in the Pacific. I should be able to walk on water too!
  
  If you want to get back to nature, go all the way back, Luddite.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:47 pm rating: 14
- #10.17 Canthz_B
  
  I wonder if there’s a place on the internet where someone has calculated how much pollution is produced in the manufacture of a bicycle vs. a chariot?
  
  I know…just one of those silly passing thoughts. Must be bedtime.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 12:18 am rating: 4
- #10.18 mystic_eye
  
  You can’t have children under about age 1 (depends on the individual neck development) on a bike or in a bike trailer because they are unable to wear a helmet.
  
  Also biking doesn’t work so well for many physical disabilities so I guess we go back to making the handicapped second class citizens.
  
  So while I know some people are all for no-one reproducing and allowing humans to disappear from the face of the earth biking still isn’t for everyone.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm rating: 9
- #10.19 Maas
  
  But Pishposh is right, rare is the day that my car doesn’t emit a SOx or two…
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 9:30 pm rating: 0
- #10.20 Geek_Kittie
  
  When my job was located close enough to me that I could either walk or bike, I did so. Unfortunately this is not the case now.
  
  Not only do I have a 45min commute, but there are no reasonable bike paths to my home to my job. I’d rather not ride my bike on a major hwy. I’m sure you can imagine why.
  
  Also, Minnesota has terrible/freezing weather about 6 months out of the year. It’s not the best environment to ride in.
  
  I would love for there to be more walker and bicycle friendly trails in my area, but that’s not going to happen.
  
  To echo the other responses, you’re yet another person who is painfully unaware that everyone’s circumstances are different.
  
  Mar 9, 2010 at 9:05 am rating: 8
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#11 Jonathan

I sense an unresolved Electra complex.

I also sense someone banging the gardener with the crotch torn out of her unitard whenever hubby’s at work.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:24 pm rating: 8

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- #11.1 Canthz_B
  
  I have an Electra complex…the Deuce and a Quarter was a great big, gas-guzzling status symbol, and I still want one.
  
  Team Buick!!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:55 pm rating: 2
- #11.2 infant tyrone
  
  There are cheaper ones available, but this convertible coupe is boss.
  
  Happy bidding !
  
  http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/1969-Buick-Electra-225-Convertible_W0QQitemZ260562304903QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUS_Cars_Trucks?hash=item3caab93f87
  
  CG will probably wanna ride shotgun on your first cruise.
  Give her a camera and post the video…
  You’ll be Bad, you’ll be Nationwide
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:55 pm rating: 0
- #11.3 Canthz_B
  
  Thanks, ty. I’ll start bidding soon, but first I need to hit Amazon up for some Curtis Mayfield CDs.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 12:21 am rating: 0
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#12 farcical aquatic ceremony

My eyes get stuck at that weird-ass “y” in the first line, it’s like a little stick figure in the process of falling…
…you know, the way the notewriter saw the Mini Cooper and tumbled right into crazytown.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 29

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- #12.1 jbles
  
  My personal favorite was “Save the earth?!” question mark and exclamation mark using the same dot. Sounds like our note writer subconsciously wants to do some conservation of their own.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:58 pm rating: 8
- #12.2 Mo®
  
  Дети хороши как на иголках!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 3:50 pm rating: 3
- #12.3 mystic_eye
  
  Only the Russians eat children in stew, tender meat is best served grilled.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 5:29 pm rating: 2
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#13 shwonline

Methinks the notewriter believes that Mini Coopers run on children.

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 41

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- #13.1 cherylicious
  
  well, i guess if it ran on children it WOULD save the earth! fewer consumers, yes?
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 11
- #13.2 infant tyrone
  
  Only if children were ‘exhausted’ or ‘consumed’ by Minis while being used by the parents to hunt hamsters, whose population would be on the rise.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:00 am rating: 2
- #13.3 CCR
  
  My son’s name is Cooper and he’s small….you don’t think…..OMG!!!!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:28 am rating: 7
- #13.4 Chuck Heston
  
  Mini gas is children, IT’S CHILDREN!!!
  
  To which I say hooray.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:43 pm rating: 9
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#14 Ian

…which is why there are no children in London (a town the writer has apparently never heard of)

Mar 3, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 8

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- #14.1 park rose
  
  For sure. That’s why there’s panic on the streets of London. Marauding minis and Morrissey.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 12
- #14.2 infant tyrone
  
  Cry ‘Havoc!’ and let loose marauding Diamond Dogs ?
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSc8W8vhCRs
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 11:55 pm rating: 3
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#15 Canthz_B

WTF are “hildren”? Or does the world’s largest comma follow the first question mark?)

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:09 pm rating: 4

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#16 Critical Grass

Planned Parenthood actually recommends Mini Coopers as “family car”.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:14 pm rating: 13

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- #16.1 park rose
  
  It’s not the popemobile then? Though it’s obviously an abstemiously righteous vehicle. Except for contortionists. I’m waiting for TOS to enlighten us with that side of things.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 10:16 pm rating: 4
- #16.2 Canthz_B
  
  At 5’10″ I’d have to think Planned Parenthood would consider the Mini Cooper a “contraceptive car” in my case.
  No finding my thrill on Blueberry Hill in that thing!
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 11:00 pm rating: 9
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#17 park rose

I am in favour of the question mark before the exclamation mark ?! It seems to make more sense.
WTF & !!!111!!!111!!!, or huh? and huh??!!! -

Does puzzlement come before shock, or shock before puzzlement, or is flabbergastment/ dumbfoundery a contained unit? I’m putting the notion out there. Cast your votes.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:24 pm rating: 12

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- #17.1 matty-wat
  
  I agree PR, puzzlement should definitely come first. But I also find the question mark sandwich particularly satisfying.
  i.e. What, are you fucking nuts!?!
  It has a sort of classic balance; the question still has dominance in the midst of the overall shock and disbelief.
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 11:24 pm rating: 5
- #17.2 infant tyrone
  
  Team Contained Unit !
  We need a new typographic symbol.
  I propose a combo ‘?’ + ‘!’ from 1.5 to 2.0 times as tall as either is now.
  Put the curved part of ‘?’ on top of ‘!’ to connote stressed puzzlement.
  
  Hey, Ace: How ’bout a catchy name from the marketing department ?
  
  t.s.b.e. I was composing as m-w was posting. Sandwich looks good to me. Creating a question mark on stilts is (not difficult, but) impractical from a software standpoint. Sandwich name = Wham on Wry ?
  
  Mar 3, 2010 at 11:35 pm rating: 5
- #17.3 park rose
  
  ?!!?!
  
  rose, by any other name, matty – not so keen on PR.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 4:56 am rating: 1
- #17.4 Nikki
  
  I don’t want to be a fun-killer, but it’s called an interrobang and it used to be very nearly legit.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:08 am rating: 7
- #17.5 infant tyrone
  
  Thanks for the info, Nikki.
  I can see the cartoon version as a parody of “On the Waterfront” with a Gumby-like toon as Marvin Speckter being harangued by Interrobang with the “You shoulda stuck up for me…I coulda been a contendah” shtick.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:23 am rating: 2
- #17.6 H for Toy
  
  Actually, what I think she was trying to say with the order of her !? is, “Kill the kids! er… wait… that’s illegal isn’t it?”
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:57 am rating: 4
- #17.7 Bobalina
  
  What I want to know is the meaning of the parenthetical question mark. Save the earth(?) Is it a question or isn’t it(?)
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 1:45 pm rating: 1
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#18 farcical aquatic ceremony

Gore considered using the “save the earth? kill the kids!” line in his Nobel acceptance speech…after all, it is an *ahem* inconvenient truth.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:29 pm rating: 16

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#19 Critical Grass

Mini Cooper: make it look like an accident.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:34 pm rating: 15

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#20 ace

If you owned a smart car they probably would have just slashed you tires in an effort to to save your children from the death wagon (“wagon” sounds family friendly right? god i should be in marketing).

This jerk probably owns a giant Toyota Sequoia; but not to worry if the person has high speed unintended acceleration into a telephone pole their ego should absorb some of the impact

funny thing is Euro NCAP and NCAP (they’re those lucky bastards that get to crash cars for a living) gave the mini good good ratings (4 stars on average). IIHS gave it a good(you can do better then good w/ the IIHS rating system) the smart car didnt do as well be it far from a death wagon.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm rating: 7

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#21 Canthz_B

Mini Coopers are the most stolen car in the nation.
Anything that fits confortably in a hip pocket or a good-sized handbag is sure to be targeted.

Mar 3, 2010 at 10:51 pm rating: 15

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- #21.1 park rose
  
  No need to look further than the elephant’s trunk. The bonnet, or hood (either one works) looks particularly alluring with grey, and they’re never short of boots. When the circus comes to town, all the minis quake in fear.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 4:59 am rating: 2
- #21.2 infant tyrone
  
  Gerbils are to humans as humans are to circus Mini Coopers !?!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:59 am rating: 1
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#22 Canthz_B

Minis are fine cars and have a definite place in our society.

A dozen clowns just wouldn’t look right piling out of an Escalate.

Mar 3, 2010 at 11:03 pm rating: 6

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- #22.1 park rose
  
  What if one of those clowns had been John Wayne Gacy? Maybe the note writer has a point, though it doesn’t explain the ‘save the earth’ comment.
  NEDM, Wade?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 5:08 am rating: 2
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#23 dixiechick

That is WTF, FTW!

My parents drove us around for years in a big ol’ Chevy Malibu station wagon, with the middle seat folded down and a shag carpet remnant in the flattened back half. We kids bounced around like ping-pong balls in the lottery machine back there. You’d get your butt put in freakin’ jail for that now… and this writer is concerned about the hypothetical safety of a hypothetical child? What has the world come to? Someone needs to be restrained in an adult-sized car seat until further notice!

Mar 3, 2010 at 11:05 pm rating: 26

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- #23.1 Woman on the Verge
  
  Really, dixie, someone has to look after the hypothetical children.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:30 am rating: 10
- #23.2 csdx
  
  won’t someone think of the hypothetical children?!
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 10:31 am rating: 3
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#24 matty-wat

Mini Cooper- A diminutive maker of barrels?

Mar 3, 2010 at 11:33 pm rating: 9

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- #24.1 infant tyrone
  
  Saint Bernards patronize them exclusively. ((XXX))
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:17 am rating: 2
- #24.2 X
  
  Midget Vat-man!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:48 pm rating: 3
- #24.3 Y
  
  Now, that’s taxing the imagination, X.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:49 pm rating: 3
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#25 catburglar

Found this note attached to my toaster oven this morning: “Hope you don’t put chihuahuas and hamsters in this! Just because you want toast doesn’t mean you can barge in and take a shower whenever you want! I had to walk 20 miles to school in the snow in my bare feet! Thanks a lot, Einstein!”

Mar 3, 2010 at 11:52 pm rating: 33

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- #25.1 Coarse hair
  
  Garlic makes my feet stink. My wig itches!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 2
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#26 Bcteagirl

Save the Earth?? Kill the kids!? needs to be a new bumper sticker.
*Snicker*

Mar 4, 2010 at 12:43 am rating: 17

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#27 Bcteagirl

Edit! Double post… nothing to see here… Shave the whales and all that…

Mar 4, 2010 at 12:44 am rating: 4

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#28 Silence

DAMN YOU TINY PEOPLE WITH YOUR TINY CARS!!!

What do you think this is, the Shire!? What’s next, tiny doors with tiny knobs for your tiny hands, and tiny mats so you can wipe your tiny feet?! Down with thee, foul Hobbitses! You might carry The Ring an abominably long way, but that does NOT give you the right to drive a car which is more suited to your form!

Walk, damn you. WALK!

Mar 4, 2010 at 1:39 am rating: 25

reply to this comment
- #28.1 aaa
  
  Hey now! We have very large feet, thank you.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:27 am rating: 5
add to this thread
#29 Kate

What staggers me is that this person must have walked past the Mini in the parking lot, or whatever, and become so insensed at the sight of the car that they had to stop and write a note.

Now I don’t know about the states but here in the uk Minis are not seen as an environmentally sound car, not to say that they are not, but it’s not like owning a Prius. People don’t look at minis and think you must be an environmentalist.

Also, why does putting your child in something other than a huge 4×4 mean that your children will be dead before the day is out? What they don’t think about is that children who are hit by a 4×4 are far more likely to die than one hit by a compact car like a mini. But that’s someone elses child so I guess it doesn’t matter.

Mar 4, 2010 at 1:48 am rating: 27

reply to this comment
- #29.1 Canthz_B
  
  Velocity means more than mass.
  
  I find that a good oak 2×4 dispatches children just fine, if swung with enough velocity.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 3:17 am rating: 8
- #29.2 infant tyrone
  
  Sounds like a momentous discovery, the marriage of mass X velocity.
  
  *pines fir a good oak 2×4, all spruced-up and cherried-out*
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 12:05 am rating: 1
add to this thread
#30 snatchbeast

Mini’s, and kids, suck.

Mar 4, 2010 at 2:48 am rating: 6

reply to this comment
#31 Maybe I'll Catch Fire

I dread to think what the note writer would make of the Fiat 500…

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:23 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #31.1 infant tyrone
  
  How about a Citroen 2CV ?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 12:06 pm rating: 0
- #31.2 sleeps
  
  Oooooh, he could make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl…
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:19 pm rating: 6
- #31.3 infant tyrone
  
  Or a Papal Bull…maybe even money…
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 12:10 am rating: 0
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#32 Canthz_B

Sometimes you just get lucky.

A few weeks ago I was pulled over by the highway patrol and had child paraphernalia in my possession.

Luckily, there wasn’t enough child residue present to prosecute me.

That’s why I only smoke skinny kids.

Sure, the plump ones are easier to score on the street, but the slim ones burn more fully, and make for a better buzz in my opinion.

Mar 4, 2010 at 3:33 am rating: 39

reply to this comment
- #32.1 Bunnee
  
  Since Mishee hasn’t been around lately, I’ll comment for her: Use a pipe–it’s more economical and you can squash skinny or fat ones right down in the bowl.
  
  *hopes Mishee’s name will magically summon her to the pages of PAN*
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:17 am rating: 3
- #32.2 aaa
  
  I thought I saw her around the other day. Or was it Elvis?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:30 am rating: 2
- #32.3 sleeps
  
  I think the rule is you have to say her name 3 times to summon her. Here, I’ll help you out: Mishee!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:21 pm rating: 5
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#33 Oink

Perhaps the note-writer gets a lot of abuse for driving a kiddy-killing 4×4 machine. Excellent come-back!

Mar 4, 2010 at 4:01 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
#34 Angela

What about ferrets? Will it kill the ferrets, too?

Mar 4, 2010 at 7:23 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #34.1 infant tyrone
  
  Yes, and gerbils…but only if the kids are in the Early Degenerate Program.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:14 am rating: 1
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#35 S

This is the perfect cross-over opportunity for passiveaggressivenotes.com and stfuparents.com

Mar 4, 2010 at 8:05 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#36 Kris

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang

?! is already a form of punctuation

Mar 4, 2010 at 8:15 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #36.1 park rose
  
  You missed your gigglebrax opportunity, Kris: 17.4
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:36 am rating: 3
- #36.2 The Elf
  
  Where is School House Rock when you need it?!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:27 am rating: 3
- #36.3 sleeps
  
  Hookin’ up words and phrases and clauses.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 5
- #36.4 Canthz_B
  
  A threesome? That schoolhouse really does rock!
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:09 pm rating: 2
- #36.5 Bunnee
  
  CB, I think Bill, Interplanet Janet and Lolly were trying to keep that quiet……
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 8:48 am rating: 1
- #36.6 The Elf
  
  If the schoolhouse is a-rockin’ don’t come a-knockin’!
  
  They’re interrobanging.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 11:09 am rating: 7
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#37 matt

i wouldn’t be touching the note without gloves if that was my car. from the tone of the note, it was probably written with a used tampon.

Mar 4, 2010 at 8:26 am rating: 2

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- #37.1 park rose
  
  And by from the tone, you mean from the colour of the ink, right, Matt?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 8:37 am rating: 1
- #37.2 matt
  
  hahaha – no! that note has bitch written all over it
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:11 am rating: 2
- #37.3 matt
  
  actually PR, the tone (as in colour) could work as well.
  Indications from the light tone of the ink suggest that she was experiencing an arterial (as opposed to regular) PV bleed and therefore makes this the last PA note she left before the bitch finally bled out and died in her 4×4. – That’s my theory anyway, and i’m sticking to it.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 9:27 am rating: 3
- #37.4 Boad
  
  Hahahaha yeah gross women and their gross bleeding ARE CRAZY and need to leave strange PA notes before bleeding all their crazy out the vagina. You’re so witty.
  
  Mar 6, 2010 at 5:10 pm rating: 5
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#38 oi

mini coopers are ugly.
Seriously look at them when their tops are down. Looks like a wooden box with a cricket’s mouth attached to it.

Mar 4, 2010 at 9:04 am rating: 6

reply to this comment
- #38.1 El Scorcho
  
  They’re not all convertibles, but thanks for sharing. Cool opinion, bro.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 7:41 am rating: 1
- #38.2 Canthz_B
  
  oi, congratulations to you upon your receipt of your new penis.
  Please read the care and maintenance manual before attempting to put it to use.
  The “Aiming and Control of Urine Stream” section may be particularly helpful.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 8:08 am rating: 5
- #38.3 oi
  
  Thanks for the advise CB. I will be very careful with my new toy.
  As for the non-convertible mines, they are ugly all the time, they don’t even have possibility to look ok.
  
  Mar 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 3
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#39 GhostWriter

Our notewriter doesn’t really hate Mini Coopers.

She just happened to see the boxy contraption on the street, and mistook it for an abandoned refrigerator.

Mar 4, 2010 at 9:40 am rating: 12

reply to this comment
- #39.1 aaa
  
  What’s wrong with our mouths?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:34 am rating: 0
- #39.2 Mo®
  
  You have a purdy mouth!
  Just saying.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 3:48 pm rating: 1
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#40 red mum

uurrgghgh the sentiment behind this note makes me sick, I loathe to see those petrol guzzling massive cars that will kill if they hit a pedestrian no matter how slow they are going, never mind ploughing through a smaller car. Its a case of me and my kids are okay, to hell with everyone on the road, if I kill your kids at least mine are safe. Yeuck

And what if someone wouldn’t buy those obnoxious tanks not because they are personally opposed to it, but because they couldn’t afford.

That note is mad.

Mar 4, 2010 at 9:51 am rating: 7

reply to this comment
- #40.1 oi
  
  yeah I agree. this note writer gives aura of bat shit crazy person. Sentiment of the note alone is enough but blood red color stamps the fact. oh and not to mention that crazy Y.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 10:02 am rating: 7
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#41 Pterosaur

Killing all the kids would save the earth. No more kids, no more overpopulation. Eventually, no population at all. Earth is saved.

Personally, I think killing the elderly will be more sustainable in the long run.

I still don’t see how the Mini Cooper fits into this plan…

Mar 4, 2010 at 10:08 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#42 claw71

When I’m transporting children I prefer a panel van or something with a really big trunk like a 1977 Chevy Impala.

Mar 4, 2010 at 10:09 am rating: 15

reply to this comment
- #42.1 infant tyrone
  
  And running a carefully titrated line from the exhaust manifold to the “passenger” compartment keeps them in a level of CO exposure low enough to insure they don’t expire but high enough to keep them from being rowdy and drawing attention at toll booths and border crossings.
  
  Weren’t you at the Megan’s Law Anniversary party ?
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:52 am rating: 2
- #42.2 Canthz_B
  
  *pines for his long dead 1976 Caprice Classic…now that was a car with “leg” room!*
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 11:18 pm rating: 0
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#43 aaa

Who ever said you have to give up killing the Earth when you kill kids?

Mar 4, 2010 at 11:39 am rating: 8

reply to this comment
#44 Kate

What would have happened if someone driving a Mini had failed to put socks on their children?

A PAN implosion I think.

Mar 4, 2010 at 12:07 pm rating: 14

reply to this comment
- #44.1 Pterosaur
  
  If said sock-less Mini parks over the yellow lines in a space that someone else shoveled, the resulting PAN implosion will rip a hole in the space-time continuum.
  
  God help us all.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 3:38 pm rating: 7
- #44.2 infant tyrone
  
  A hole in the space-time continuum !?!
  Could the repair job be shovel-ready in 30 days ?
  That might generate so many jobs that the Democrats could pass
  health care and keep the Bush tax cuts for the rich just for fun.
  I’m driving barefoot until the market tanks again.
  
  Mar 5, 2010 at 12:21 am rating: 1
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#45 dave

note’s actual meaning:

My guilty and broke conscience is eating me for driving gas guzzling whatever car so I ‘ll blame your wise and considerate self for any ludicrous reasons. so that I can rest at night not hating myself but you for my failures.

Mar 4, 2010 at 4:04 pm rating: 5

reply to this comment
#46 TippingCows

The note writer is clearly jealous.
Heck – I know I am! I wish I could afford to drive a Mini.
Of course if I could afford to drive a mini, I’d probably just buy me a nice VW R32 or a Subaru WRX. Actually, better to go for the European versions as they are not made to our gas-guzzling low emitions standards.

Mar 4, 2010 at 4:36 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #46.1 claw71
  
  A Subaru, eh? I’m sure you and your life partner will be very happy.
  
  Mar 4, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 4
- #46.2 TippingCows
  
  Is that the stereotype these days? I’m SO out of the loop …
  
  Mar 6, 2010 at 12:20 am rating: 0
- #46.3 Max Time
  
  I’m sure its just another hippie conspiracy theory or something people love to make up these days or maybe I’m also out of the loop……..
  
  Mar 8, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 0
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#47 Fanboy Wife

Isn’t this a Monty Python bit? The killer cars?

Mar 5, 2010 at 6:38 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#48 Sara

psst… the notewriter thinks the mini is the prius.

Mar 9, 2010 at 5:06 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#49 Ford Motor Company’s interesting new guerilla marketing campaign | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] related: The Mini Cooper owner’s dilemma — “Save the earth, kill the kids?!” [...]

Apr 6, 2010 at 4:30 pm rating: 0

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#50 How many muggers does it take to unscrew a light bulb? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] Save the earth…kill the kids? extra credit: Antoine Dogson Halloween costume TweetShare0mail [...]

Nov 1, 2010 at 7:08 pm rating: 0

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#51 Children and the MINI - Page 3 - Motoring Alliance :: MINI Cooper Forums

[...] This reminds me of this: Save the earth…kill the kids? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com [...]

Aug 2, 2011 at 12:57 pm rating: 0

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#52 Don't mess with Arkansas | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] related: I hope you don’t put children in this car. [...]

Aug 22, 2011 at 6:09 pm rating: 0

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Save the earth…kill the kids?

March 3rd, 2010 · 163 comments

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