Angie in Columbus, Ohio says this is the second (hilariously) furious fridge note to be posted lately in the office kitchenette. Adds Angie: “Who knew a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich fit into a ‘special diet’?” Perhaps next time the writer could just hop (er, drive) on over to Taco Bell?
related: It’s not funny, it’s my sandwich
extra credit: This is why you’re fat.
147 responses so far ↓
#1
Brigitte
Well I mean come on… it was TURKEY sausage. Clearly its a super healthy way to start the day.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:09 pm rating: 8
#2
chase
I want to be part of the frozen microwave food with 1000 mg of sodium diet
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:10 pm rating: 28
#3
infant tyrone
Wow, after a psychic and thesauric beat-down like that, two things will be looming large in the thief’s karmic rear view mirror…the enormity of the purloined sandwich…and the enormity of the sandwich’s previous owner.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:13 pm rating: 35
#4
Astounder
I don’t think anybody’s going to lose weight when one of those things figures prominently into a “weight loss” menu.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:15 pm rating: 13
#5
idunno
Apparently, Mr. Nutrition didn’t realize someone was trying to REDUCE his chances of a heart attack.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:17 pm rating: 16
#6
Mama24
Has anyone ever seen a Jimmy Dean anything with 250 calories? Whoever this is should be thankful the rude, disrespectful, thieving jerk saved her thighs a few inches and her ass a little bit of cellulite.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 16
#7
Wade
My guess is a Good Samaritan threw it in the trash.
Because a Jimmy Dean turkey sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich would make even Baby Jesus cry.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:22 pm rating: 25
#8
Guderson
Maybe the sandwich took off and slammed its Porsche into a pole?
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:23 pm rating: 12
#9
deldobuss
How dare you make me go down to the cafe and get a salad! That does not fit into the parameters of my special diet or budget!
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:29 pm rating: 29
#10
Helen
Be thankful you have eaten none of those 250 calories – you are on your way to losing weight faster
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 3
#11
Jen
Too funny!
To be fair, they do have a light version of those sandwiches, and they’re fucking expensive!
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 13
#12
Buddy Christ
Trying to lower cholesterol by eating Jimmy Dean sandwiches? That’s an interesting weight loss plan. Maybe the thief is just trying to save the author of the note from their seemingly inevitable series of heart attacks.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:37 pm rating: 6
#13
Canthz_B
Jimmy Dean is known for his amazing cholesterol-free eggs?
Listen, Dictionary Daisy, if you’re going to scarf down an egg, go ahead and get Jimmy’s good pork sausage as well…don’t be a turkey-gobbler.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:38 pm rating: 8
#14
Know-it-all
The letter writer is a stupid fuck for thinking he/she can lower cholesterol by eating a sausage, egg and cheese. They deserved to have it stolen.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:42 pm rating: 9
#15
taylor
hahahaHA this fatass thinks a jimmy dean sandwich is a healthy way to lose weight? then they deserve to starve. natural selection doesn’t like stupid fatties.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 5
#16
Fridge Pirate
The, Jimmy Dean, turkey sausage, egg, and cheese, sandwich, was, fucking, delicious!
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:53 pm rating: 13
#17
bowloftoast
You know what I miss dearly? The McRib.
Mar 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm rating: 3
#18
Ang
Jimmy Dean + “special diet” = contradiction in terms….
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:00 pm rating: 3
#19
beth
Either they work at a law firm (she was building a pretty good case, and it was template perfect) or the nut house. I remember slamming my brother up against the fridge in high school bc he ate my diet ice-cream. A girl gets hungry. What she needs is some italian sausage (if you know what I’m sayin’). Yay Me!
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:21 pm rating: 4
#20
Colin
I would eat all this woman’s food.
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:25 pm rating: 5
#21
Pterosaur
Dear Dieter,
I am terribly sorry for eating your “diet” sandwich. I thought it was mine. My ass has an ass and my cholesterol clogs my veins like cottage cheese, so I assumed that I was you. Sometimes I have trouble telling us apart. Thank you for pointing out that I am not, in fact, you. I’ll try to keep it straight in the future.
Please accept this double burrito platter and deep-fried Twinkies with my apologies. Don’t worry, it’s only 250 calories!
Sincerely,
The Other Office Lardass
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:29 pm rating: 19
#22
oi
I have immense respect for this note writer. He does not only bring his own lunch to limit calorie intake but brings her own dictionary* to limit her intelletory** intake too.
*disrespectful
**intellectory: unit of intellect/knowledge
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:38 pm rating: 5
#23
rhombchick
Yesterday’s date?
Presumably I take that to mean you bought it yesterday? Just how much longer did you think that sandwich was going to wait for you?
Lunch theif was probably just a fridge nazi who didn’t want to wait till your sandwich multiplied itself. Look for said sandwich in the bin, and being the lard ass you are, you’ll probably still eat it, in the toilet cubicle where no one can see you…
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:43 pm rating: 6
#24
chrisswiss83
I know it’s not exactly a glass of milk, two eggs, and a slice of high fiber toast, but really the Jimmy Dean Lite sandwiches aren’t awful in terms of carbs-fat-protein ratios, 30/7/18 with 2 grams of fiber, though they leave a bit desired as far as sodium goes. A 250-calorie sandwich wouldn’t exactly make anyone fatter, and it’s a better idea than not eating or having a bagel with a few pats of cream cheese or whatever their cafe serves.
I mean:
HAWHAW fat people are so fat because they think they can just lose weight by enjoying small portions of food they already enjoy instead of eating a salad for breakfast like most people do or simply living off the fat on their fat asses! They have no self-control and a 250 calorie sandwich is for some reason an unhealthy choice to make for anyone to make, I should know I eat a 300 calorie bagel everyday and it is full of healthy starches! Everyone knows you shouldn’t even eat breakfast! They should starve to death for being so dumb!
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:53 pm rating: 57
#25
park rose
C’mon, you’ve got to have some respect for someone who’s opening salutation is Dear Dirty-Rotten Fridge Raider. I think she’s (?) got a good sense of humour. I’m imagining the thief to look like Dick Dastardly . I’m on team note writer.
Mar 10, 2010 at 10:59 pm rating: 10
#26
park rose
John: Hey, hey, hey Paul, don’t make it bad. Peace , y’know and don’t get your knickers in a knot now, all I am saying is: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
Paul: (rolling eyes) Yeah, whatever, and pigs might fly, too. That was my sandwich you took, and I miss it dearly and I’m crying.
Mar 10, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 1
#27
snatchbeast
Want to lose weight? Stop eating shit like sausage breakfast sandwiches, douchebag.
Mar 10, 2010 at 11:33 pm rating: 3
#28
Gavin
Good samaritan: person who voluntarily offers help or sympathy in times of trouble
You really didn’t need those extra calories, trust me — in your case, less is more.
Mar 11, 2010 at 8:49 am rating: 1
#29
GuavaJoe
Gotta love how people with no original thoughts in their head go straight for the dictionary.
Mar 11, 2010 at 9:01 am rating: 0
#30
Team Me
That Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich was fucking disgusting
Mar 11, 2010 at 9:25 am rating: 5
#31
Team Me
“We’ve secretly replaced Sally’s Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage, Egg and Cheese Sandwich with real food…let’s see if she can tell the difference”
Mar 11, 2010 at 9:32 am rating: 11
#32
Matt B
Dear Fatty,
Fucking delicious.
Mar 11, 2010 at 9:42 am rating: 1
#33
ClearlyDemented
Don’t we all know by now that the only way to lose weight is by eating fake sugars, corn syrup and overly processed, non-nutritional flours? How dare this note-writer try to lose weight by eating low-fat proteins and whole grains! She would do much better eating what I had this morning, 10 fruit loops and 12 fat-free potato chips.
Mar 11, 2010 at 10:12 am rating: 20
#34
claw71
The following words best describe me:
Cunning: I used ninja-like skills to beat you to your breakfast.
Laughing: That’s what I’m doing at the notion that a ‘special’ diet would include a Jimmy Dean product.
Awesome: It’s how I feel with a full belly of food I didn’t pay for.
Wow: That’s what she said.
Mar 11, 2010 at 10:35 am rating: 13
#35
h3llc4t
I think Angie and I work in the same office! Either that, or we have suspiciously similar coworkers…
Mar 11, 2010 at 11:18 am rating: 0
#36
Tanner
This note’s pretty restrained. I can get pretty cranky in the morning without food, so if someone stole my food, I’d probably have to beat their ass.
I’m a little tired of all of the notes left after food stealing. It’s more infuriating than funny.
Mar 11, 2010 at 11:31 am rating: 2
#37
Woman on the Verge
Dear Articulate Note Writer:
Thank you for applauding my skills in purloining the questionably tasty sandwich in question. It was the “yay me” that really made me feel confident that I had done the right thing.
My identity crisis has caused me make off with several things lately including a stapler, several reams of copy paper, and a small car. I was sure they were mine at the time.
Thank you for understanding my special needs and praising my methods. Please rest assured that I will likely steal your food again.
Yay you!
Mar 11, 2010 at 11:47 am rating: 8
#38
Havingfitz
I’m sorry, but I’m on team victim here. I have been known to go on the war path if my can of Sprite vanishes. A few days ago a co-worker was nearly in tears when someone ate her lunch, and then actually put the empty package back in the grocery bag and returned both to the refrigerator. While I agree the sandwich sounds disgusting and not exactly diet-friendly, it was hers and I’d go off on someone too.
Mar 11, 2010 at 12:12 pm rating: 18
#39
Le Lac
In six months, this person will be screaming at someone else for stealing his carefully selected frosted cherry pop-tarts (200 calories!) as he battles hypertension.
Mar 11, 2010 at 12:46 pm rating: 2
#40
claw71
Hey, is this the Jimmy Dean product featured in the ad where the Sun walks in and he sees Rainbow all gloomy because she’s trying to lose weight and skipped breakfast? Because I would totally fuck that Rainbow.
Mar 11, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 4
#41
claw71
Do you suppose this note’s author, like so many other people, got confused over the spelling and went with the slang term ‘fridge’ after deciding that, regardless of spell checker’s approval, that neither ‘refrigerator’ nor ‘refridgerator’ looked right?
It’s too bad because coining the word ‘refrigeraider’ would have been much cooler than what we have here.
Mar 11, 2010 at 1:25 pm rating: 7
#42
HugsandKisses101
Bravo! Yay me!
Mar 11, 2010 at 1:56 pm rating: 0
#43
Ninja812
Ah, “F” this! I’m just going to J-Box and gettin’ an Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich. It’s a farm on a bun! Besides, there’s a reason the first three letters in ‘diet’ are DIE.
Mar 11, 2010 at 3:55 pm rating: 1
#44
ihatko
lol
everyone knows to lose weight you just have to eat less calories than you use each day
so assuming that this chick has less than 1250 more calories throughout the day shes probably losing weight
so lay off and stop being so judgemental
Mar 11, 2010 at 7:26 pm rating: 9
#45
Joe2
Why do the douchenozzles at work NEVER understand that people swipe their food BECAUSE they’re douchenozzles?
A former supervisor would go ballistic whenever someone drank her “special” coffee. The fact that it was merlot apparently made it special. Go figure.
Mar 11, 2010 at 9:09 pm rating: 3
#46
prairielily
Why pick on the note writer for wanting to eat a disgusting microwave sandwich when the sandwich-stealer is far more mockable? Guys! Someone was desperate enough for a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich to steal one with someone else’s name on it!
Mar 12, 2010 at 12:23 am rating: 9
#47
Max Time
buy a MCchicken and quit your bitchin!
Mar 12, 2010 at 8:34 am rating: 1
#48
Grumpy McGrumperson
As someone who has been the victim of more than a few incidents of breakfast food theft, I think I’m on the note writer’s side here.
Really, it’s so frustrating to have prepared stuff for breakfast, brought it in so that you can control your eating/blood sugar/whatever, and find that some dickwad took it. Regardless of what it was, it sucks to have your stuff stolen.
Mar 12, 2010 at 4:24 pm rating: 6
#49
Speaking Up
As someone who has battled obesity since she was 5, and has major self-esteem issues stemming from social pressure and bullying over her appearance, I think a reminder should be made to those who are lumping every overweight person into one group: There are those of us who cannot lose weight due to medical/genetic reasons. I’ve been through a lot of different tests (far past the normal thyroid test which medication can deal with pretty well) and unless I can afford $150-$200 of hormone balancing medication per month I have to accept that I will never be able to lose weight (I’m on a pension, so affording that is right out the window). It makes it hard when I see society’s views that all overweight people are that way due to choice and/or laziness. I have severe ankle problems which aren’t weight-related, yet I still try and walk at least 20-30 minutes per day – often up to an hour or two if I need to go somewhere via bus. I watch what I eat and very rarely have fast food. Despite that I weigh in at 125kg.
Self-esteem and body issues are all too common in women, leading to depression and eating disorders.
Please, before persecuting every overweight person in general sweeping terms, I ask that you take some time and think about those who aren’t that way by choice.
…And now back to your regularly scheduled snarking.
Mar 13, 2010 at 10:21 pm rating: 6
#50
kc
bacon eggs and sausage are bad for you. wtf is this shite?
Mar 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 0
#51
rocky
In the note writers defense, those things are pretty healthy and are pretty expensive. I would probably be pissed too.
Mar 15, 2010 at 4:03 pm rating: 0
#52 Really, Amazon? That's the best pick-up line you could come up with? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] notes are — especially when they pertain to specialty “diet” items like, say, a Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwich — read something like this one, from an office in Burbank, [...]
Mar 20, 2010 at 3:29 pm rating: 0
#53 Yes, Scotty, this is why you're fat. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] morning serving of saturated fat? No worries! If you’re a New Yorker, you can get your “special diet food” delivered right to your door. Or, um, your neighbors’ [...]
Jun 10, 2010 at 10:20 pm rating: 0
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