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I just hope this driver doesn’t have any tattoos

March 11th, 2010 · 83 comments

Kit from Austin spotted this vigilante service vehicle during a road trip through Colorado…

If your [sic] passing me your [sic] speeding

And although the photo below was taken in Toronto, I’d like to imagine the message was scrawled in lipstick by a frustrated passenger just before passing the car above.


related: Smug Alert

FILED UNDER: car · Colorado · spelling and grammar police · your/you're

83 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Yertle the Turtle

    Ugh. I hope that van in the first picture at least abides by the 5-mph-over rule. I’m not sure I could stop myself when my road rage combines with my grammar rage.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:45 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Betch

      If I’ve learned anything over the years I’ve been driving, it’s that minivans usually end up driving 5 mph under the speed limit. 10 mph if it has a “Baby on Board” sign in the window.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   infant tyrone bang

      Maybe the sign is designed to create the twin rages you mention.
      Perhaps the van is driven by a cop’s wife who’s trying to gin up
      some biz for hubby so he can write way over his quota and
      have an edge when it’s time to take that sergeant’s exam ?

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   TheOldSchool

      The sign would have been so much better had it been worded exactly as Kerry translated it:

      IF YOUR [sic] PASSING ME
      YOUR [sic] SPEEDING

      Mar 12, 2010 at 2:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Q

      Honestly, I’m pro minivan. There are times where I will actually drive *the* speed limit (mostly because of the fact that a lot of areas where I drive are notorious cop hangouts for tickets) and it pisses me off to have someone sitting right on my tail becoming ever so pissy and annoyed because I’m following the law and avoiding a ticket.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Will

      I have seen the red van driving around Colorado Springs, Co. If you(‘re) passing him, you(‘re) probably only doing half the speed limit. The dude’s usually obstructing traffic.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 11:45 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   annoyed

      Can someone please explain the “baby on board” signs to me? I just don’t get it. Are you proud to have a kid in the car? Or are you hoping that when I decide I need to crash my car into another, I will spare you because you have a baby?

      Or is it a safety thing, like the reflectors that get put in kids’ windows so firefighters can find them quickly if there is a fire? If so, shouldn’t the driver be required to remove the sign when there is not a child in the car so as not to unnecessarily alarm first responders?

      Mar 12, 2010 at 12:43 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Mark bang

      Baby on board, how I adore,
      That sign on my car’s windowpane

      Since I’m driving, in the carpool lane

      Folks stop and stare, friends I don’t care
      That little yellow sign can’t be ignored
      I’m telling you it’s mighty nice
      Each trip’s a trip to paradise
      With my baby on board.

      *pines for Mishee*

      Also, I’m sure Amanda would disapprove of you having any children unless you’re being chauffeured in a Bentley, because otherwise you obviously can’t afford the child.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   famine

      Um, we need a name that’s witty at first, but that seems less funny each time you hear it.

      How about, “The Be Sharps”?


      Mar 13, 2010 at 6:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Maas

      When I see a parked and unattended car with a “baby on board” sign showing, I make a point of breaking the windows to rescue the abandoned child. Usually there is in fact no baby on board, but the owner’s stereo makes up for the wasted time…

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #2   Kate

    My speeding what? Bullet?

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:45 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheOldSchool

      Added to everything else, the fact that this sad bastard also has an American flag flying in his back seat indicates that he has some serious psychological issues concerning those who don’t follow society’s laws to his satisfaction.

      This minivan is a boiling cauldron of pent-up road-rage that is itching to explode.

      The driver sees himself as Charles Bronson or Clint Eastwood at the end of a slaughter-fest.

      He gets physically excited thinking about the grateful town folk who will gather around him.

      “Thank the lord you was around to massacre those lawbreakers, mister,” they’ll say.

      “The speed limit’s 25 through town, yet these outlaws think they can do 30 and not pay a price. They got what was comin’ to ‘em, thanks to you.”

      Mar 12, 2010 at 3:59 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Mo® bang

      An off brand, Mercury, mini-van with ribbon stickers and the stars and stripes. They must be rushing off to WalMart. Keeping well within the speed limit. I am sure the operator of this vehicle has been featured on

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:34 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Q

      Sad thing is that he’s probably the type who’ll buy the flag and then not do anything to take care of the bumper sticker.

      Mar 13, 2010 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   Nick

    So amazing. These kinds of coincidences only happen once in a life time.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #4   Darth Val

    If I cared what youre opinion is I wouldn’t be speeding.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:51 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Jadefirefly

      What a staggeringly ironic statement.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:40 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

  • #5   trishsh

    Who doesn’t speed at some point?

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   claw71 bang

      I think the first picture answers your question.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 8:17 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   trishsh


      Mar 13, 2010 at 11:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   Jess

    I like how the word “learn” is underlined. Twice.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 9:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   jimmyboy

    I think I passed this minivan. I was permissively obeying the speed limit. But then I just got fed up with waiting for the punchline.
    If my passing you, my speeding… does what?

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #8   Betch

    I’d want to speed too if it meant I didn’t have to read that ridiculously self-righteous slogan. The misuse of “your” is just the icing on the passive aggressive cake.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’m going to Hell for this, but I’d rather see “ur” than a misuse of “your”.

      It’s flexible: “It’s ur turn.”; “Ur calling the wrong number.”

      Not an apostrophe in sight, even a caveman (or soccer mom) can do it.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   molly ringwald

      I want to agree… I really do.

      But text message speak like “Ur” really gets under my skin. However, poor grammar really pisses me off more. Specifically, poor grammar pisses me off when it is displayed publicly… on minivans.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 10:45 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   infant tyrone bang

      If “ur” is too texty…how about “yer” ?

      Example…Yer crazy if yall do’nt add it to yer vocabuLeisure SuitLarry.
      Like the son in Metropolis, just trying to bridge two cultures, Molly.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 11:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   molly ringwald bang

      Ty, I think yer onto something…

      Or, rather, I think ur onto something…

      Better let the public decide.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 2:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   TheOldSchool

      Let’s let the public “ur-inate” on it for a wee bit.

      Mar 14, 2010 at 5:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   Maas

      “Ur” just makes me think about Sumerians then I start singing “We’re the Mesopotamians” in my head.

      Mar 15, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   infant tyrone bang

      I salute yer innate ability to sprinkle joy where’e'er you ‘go’….

      Mar 15, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   ClearlyDemented

    Why don’t cars have those scrolling digital displays as a feature? Being able to have something like, “Anyone driving a red van is an anal-retentive asshole. Honk if you agree!” scrolling across your bumper as you pass this guy would be more precious to me than heated seats on a cold winter’s morn’.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Yertle the Turtle

      I’ve always wanted one of those in my car. Ya know, to give helpful messages like, “FYI your coat is shut in your door” or “Your brake lights are out!”, or “Hey, you’ve been riding my bumper for the past twelve miles, but I can’t pass the guy in front of me so back-the-F@&$-off!”

      Yet, I see how this could cause problems in irresponsible hands.

      Mar 11, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   amazon

      the answer to your prayers:

      …or is that you’re prayers?

      Mar 12, 2010 at 2:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   claw71 bang

      I thought about one of those LED displays. It would really save me a lot of frustration with the cops if I could just display “There is not a 16 year-old girl bound and gagged in my trunk”

      Mar 12, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Mo® bang

      “Nice Rack!”

      “Is it a Thule?”

      Mar 12, 2010 at 11:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   molly ringwald bang

      I would display “I’m drunk” and see how many times I actually get stopped.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 2:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Flaboy2425

      I wish I had one that only read, “Turn off your damned turn signal.”

      Mar 12, 2010 at 4:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   eslinger bang

      Using it and super happy about it. :)

      Apr 7, 2010 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Taosaur

    They forgot the comma: If your passing, me your speeding.

    It’s a love note from minivan Tarzan.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:16 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Huh. I thought it was Yoda’s minivan. If your passing… me your speeding. Use the force wisely.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #11   Joyful

    The owner of that van probably thinks the world has gone to hell because of all the people flipping him/her off. Love it.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:19 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #12   FFArchitect

    If you’re passing third grade, you know the difference between “you’re” and “your.”

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Pterosaur

      If your passing thrid grad, your more smarter then me. But do’nt speed.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 10:29 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #13   farcical aquatic ceremony

    stenciled on the minivan’s side:
    “if youre kids on the honor roll and mine is’nt, youre kid cheats”

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mo® bang

      Pretty sure this genius homeschools his chromosome shy spawn.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:36 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #14   Gabe_Athouse

    If you’re shooting at me, I understand why.

    Mar 11, 2010 at 10:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   sleeps

    So, you don’t want speeders to pass you? Won’t that sort of suck when their cars slam into the back of your Moronmobile?

    Mar 11, 2010 at 11:11 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   TheOldSchool


      You’d better get your eyes checked. It’s not a Moronmobile. It’s a Mercury.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   marky not mark

    “If you’re passing gas, you’re farting.”

    Mar 11, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   claw71 bang

      Not if you have a colostomy.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 8:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   jetjackson

    What if your car is parked?

    Mar 11, 2010 at 11:30 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   TheOldSchool

      Then he knows that you’re on amphetamines.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   Nick

    Fail. The reply should have been “learn to punctuate”. There are no spelling mistakes.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 12:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      “Inflation” is to “deflation”, as “expansion” is to…

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   AC

      Is this sarcasm? Surely YOU’RE smarter than that, or maybe YOUR eyes are just tired tonight…

      On another note, I recently passed someone with Bible verses on the back of their vehicle and a big hand-lettered sign that said “Speeding is a sin.” Couldn’t snap a photo as I zipped by, but I did manage to update my facebook status. I assume that, too, is a sin.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   sleeps

      Fail. It should read “Learn to use correct grammar”. You can punctuate the shit out of that sentence, and you’ll still be short two e’s, I don’t care how many commas and apostrophes you throw in.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 1:22 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   TippingCows

      Precisely, dear Nick. Even if it were a spelling error, I believe “Learn how to spell” is more grammatically correct.

      Now, ’tis time to turn up the radio and drink my Earl Grey – two lumps, please.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 3:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   infant tyrone bang

      Nice example of proportional response.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   TheOldSchool

    The car in the second photo could belong to the dean of a Canadian Spelling College.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   park rose bang

      The correct response then would be, from a random passerby, I learnt to spell in primary school, neighbour. Your sign is spelt correctly, and I am honoured to say that I have no need of your services.

      Of course, as an Australian, I’m only guessing. I know we (commonwealthers, aka serfs) don’t all follow exactly the same rules.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 3:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Mel K

      That’s it. The first sign is almost correct in Australian- missing vowels you wouldn’t pronounce anyway, no use of apostrophes and most importantly ALL CAPS are present & correct.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 5:47 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    That’s about the best way to keep from being the car-pool parent I’ve ever seen.

    If “your” a parent who is a publicly self-proclaimed functional illiterate, “your” not going to drive my child around.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 1:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #21   matt

    i think the white ribbon is the PAN icing on the cake next to the sign. It’s like, “if you’re passing me, then i interpret that as an aggressive act against women because I am a woman driver. I will be reporting your sexist ass to the relevant authorities!”

    Mar 12, 2010 at 2:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Peasant

    If I’m passing him, what the hell did I eat?

    Mar 12, 2010 at 3:32 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mo® bang

      asshole stew?

      Mar 12, 2010 at 12:22 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   H for Toy bang

      I was thinking a nice asshole steak marinated in self-righteousness, served on a bed of stupidity?

      Mar 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Grant

    It’s a bit like the bumper sticker that says “If you can read this, you’re too close.” My ex- was really bad for tailgating, though; I could usually read who had printed the sticker.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 4:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’ve seen panties that had “If you can read this you’re too close.” on them.
      A short phrase, a brief read. :-P

      Mar 12, 2010 at 7:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   claw71 bang

      I’ve seen panties that were fashioned out of burlap bags, but RB hasn’t been around in a while.

      Mar 12, 2010 at 8:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #24   HappyNat

    I think the second one is promoting general literacy for all.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #25   claw71 bang

    Oh, Pops, I’m not just passing you. I’m planning to dart back into your lane after I barely clear your front bumper. Then I’m going to tap the brakes and laugh as your stupid be-flagged Mercury Villager (which was made in Korea, by the way) spins out into the median.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 8:13 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #26   adam

    That van probably leads the league in middle fingers received.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #27   Max Time bang

    Haha I would so speed up and get in front of him and drive like a grandma

    Mar 12, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #28   pony girl

    Why would anyone want to attract such negativity to themselves?
    If I had seen that van, I would’ve followed a few car lengths behind and watched the excitement ensue.
    People here are Serious about their speeding. Just try to drive from Austin to San Marcos on one of the back roads and go less than 10mph over the speed limit.
    People will practically shove you into the shoulder so they can pass.
    I can’t even imagine the apoplectic fits those people would have when they see that smug message and are denied the chance to pass.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 8:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #29   PrettyHateMachine

    Don’t piss him off and pass him, he may loose it!

    Mar 12, 2010 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Max Time bang

      can I atleast ram him instead then?

      Mar 12, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   Mo® bang

      For that you’re going to need a Ram Van

      Mar 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #30   GhostWriter bang

    I feel sorry for the minivan driver.

    That rusty tow hitch suggests that he hasn’t had a Saturday out on the bass boat for a while.

    Mar 12, 2010 at 12:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #31   SickleYield

    You know, matt, I keep forgetting that men don’t care about violence against women and therefore never put those stickers on their cars…

    Mar 12, 2010 at 6:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Fanboy Wife

    It looked like someone spent a lot of time getting those yellow letters aligned just right. Is the difference between “your” and “you’re” really that difficult to understand?

    Mar 14, 2010 at 10:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Max Time bang

    “If your passing your a foreigner ” is what it should say cause it basically means the same thing

    Mar 15, 2010 at 8:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   wurdnurd bang

    After I pass him I’m gonna flick a booger on his winshield.

    Mar 17, 2010 at 9:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   Nichole

    Wow. If I saw that vehicle on the road, I would speed and pass them JUST for their nerve! And bad grammar. Might even road rage them a bit, too, just for the hell of it. And I normally REFUSE to ride people’s butts! But everyday citizens who try to “enforce” the speed limit really get on my nerves. You’re not the police, buddy–calm down, and mind your own business!

    Mar 18, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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